MY BEST FRIEND HATES ME

 Well, not really but every time I do laundry it sure makes me think she hates me.  

I shall not name names but her sister Carol knows exactly who I am talking about.  

I have several "Best Friends" but this particular one is my oldest BFF.  We met many, many years ago when she and her family moved into a house across the street from me.  Her first child was about three when they moved in and she and I would soon be pregnant at the same time.  She saved me many times from panic and the attempt of giving my new child away.   I had NO idea what to do as a mother but here I had this experienced, patient angel living right across the street.  

I can also call her my "OLDEST" best friend because although we were bot born the same month in the same year she is 16 days older than me.  Today is the last day I can officially tell her she is a year older than me because tomorrow is my birthday and we will once again be the same age. We have been friends since the moment we met so it breaks my heart that she would be so cruel to me. 

Two years ago at Christmas this wonderful friend sent me a gift that, to this day, makes me think of her each time I use it.  The thoughts are not nice thoughts because she is evil !   How could someone I love send this gift to me?  She knows I'm one banana peal from the loony bin and yet she thought this gift would be a good idea.  It's a wonder it is still being sold. I see it in the stores often and when ever I see some one picking it up I warn them of its demonic nature.  

The gift I received two years ago from my alleged best friend was a cute little cloth bag containing SIX (6) fluffy, semi hard white balls the size of a softball.   They are advertised as LAUNDRY balls that when added to your wet wash each time you put things into the dryer they  "SUPPOSEDLY"  will "fluff" your wash and help things to dry more evenly.  I will be honest,  they actually do work.               BUT . . .  They also like to hide inside your laundry.  I find them inside the pockets of my slacks.  They like to crawl up into the sleeves of my blouses.  Forget when I wash my bed sheets.  The flat sheet usually has one or two tangled up with it but the fitted sheet . . .   That is a whole other story.  

Today was sheet washing day.  Knowing what I am in for I put the fitted sheet into the dryer all by itself. When the dryer finished I opened the door to find just the sheet.  NO dryer balls at all.  My first thought was that they had disintegrated and would no longer make me nuts. But as I pulled the sheet out of the dryer the balls started popping out all over the place.  One rolled into the living room,  one rolled across the kitchen floor as it trying to make a break for the door. One even rolled into the bathroom which is around aa corner from the dryer.   But that only accounted for THREE (3) of these sneaky little monsters.  

Now I KNOW that I have six (6) dryer balls.  I have accounted for three (3). Doing the advanced math I now know that three (3) are still unaccounted for.  And I know where I will find them.   I took the sheet into the bedroom and spread it out and VOILA !!!!!  TWO (2) sneaky little bastards pop out of the fitted corners of the sheet. But one is still missing. HUM ?   I fluff the sheet out, No ball ! I retrace my steps back to the dryer and check inside.  No ball !  It's not in the living room, nor is it under the bed. Where in holy hell is it?   I smooth out the sheet on the bed convinced I will find the lump of a little white dryer ball.  Nope !     I am totally puzzled but decide I really want to get this bed made so I can jump into it. So I go get the now dry top sheet, fluff it up and put it on the bed.  Looking good but the mystery remains.  Until I put the pillows back on the bed and one of the pillows keeps falling over.  What the heck?   The stupid dryer ball is stuck under the bottom sheet way up at the top of the bed wedged down between the mattress and the wall.   Now I have to crawl across the bed right to the middle where I have to wrestle with the bottom sheet to recover the missing ball.

I am now totally exhausted and I know for sure my very best and oldest friend is really an evil fiend put into my life to make me crazier than I am.   

Oh, you ask why I don't stop using these silly things in my dryer?   Well, they actually do work and if I got rid of them there would be no fun in doing laundry 

Thanks Sharon,  I'll get you for this !!!

R.I.P. VACUUM

 Yesterday I found myself in tears because my vacuum is broken.  How silly is that !!!!!

But then I got to thinking that it is NOT about the vacuum. What it is about is my life right now.  I am feeling broken and tossed in the trash bin, just like my lovely vacuum. The vacuum was just the straw that broke the camels back or the incident that shattered my mind into a zillion dust bunnies. Like the dust bunnies I would like to spend my days this week/month/year hiding under my bed.

The quick list of straws on my back is this.  The Man's health is failing quickly now.  He will return to MI the end of this week when his son flies down from AK to drive The Man back to his home in MI. He will not return to Florida again.  Can he manage to live alone in his house on the farm ?   I doubt it but that is what he wants to do and I totally get it.   I am not going up to the farm this summer because I will be having open heart surgery some time soon. (I see the cardiac surgeon today.  I was born with a funky bi cuspid valve that is not happy after these past 80 years so it needs fixing.   Another blog in the making for sure.).     Then we have Cousin LuLu who is now having health issues. (She is only 94). She has been in the hospital for a week and calls every day to ask when I'm coming to visit.  Her kidneys are failing, she is loopier than normal and she looks so tiny and frail.  When I was there the other day I just sat with her holding her hand while she asked me why God is doing this to her.   I could have gotten into a deep, (well as deep as I can get) philosophical discussion or I could have told her she WAS 94 . . .  What do you expect !!!!!!  But I bit my tongue which is shredded by now.  

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.   I just hope it's not THE LIGHT !!!!  I'm not ready to "Go To The Light"  quite yet.  I have more adventures to take.  The Man is leaving here on Saturday.  I will be dancing through the house as the car pulls out of the parking lot.   Don't get me wrong.  I love this guy. He is kind, sweet and caring but he is A MAN !!!!  And you know my thoughts on that subject !  The whole scooter debacle is making it much easier to say good bye before I kill him.  Because of his failing health and my heart issues I can't do all that I normally do for him and he can't do much for himself.  (Thankfully personal hygiene is still up to him.) This limited living situation has brought aides into our home twice a week for 3 hours a day.   Now before you say, "Oh, isn't that wonderful" let me tell you about home health aides provided by the VA.  These good folks are not doing this job to get rich and they certainly don't have a degree in Astro Physics, (or possibly even 8th grade).  It is one of them who destroyed my vacuum by ripping off the filter instead of just opening it. They never said anything to us so I didn't discover it until I went to use it.  Then we had the woman who apparently has never made a bed.  I had washed the sheets and The Man asked her to put the sheets on the bed.   She put the top flat sheet on the bottom and the fitted bottom sheet was put over that.   (That's how I know they don't have a degree in Astro Physics.).  They empty the dish washer and put the forks in with the spoons and dishes in with the pots.  It is a game of hide and seek every time.     I can not wait for this week to end !  Here's why . . . 

1. No more man asking me to put lotion on his legs. (Come on !  You CAN do it yourself !

2. No more watching TV shows about Cops, Cowboys, Soldiers or sports. No more hockey, basket ball, football or golf.

3. No more having to plan, shop and prepare dinners.  I probably will eat one meal a day. And while we are speaking about food . . . NO MORE Swedish meatballs, potato sausage, pasties or halibut. 

4. No more staying up until midnight watching TV because someone isn't tired because he took a 3 hour nap that afternoon.   

5. No more living in a house that is hot enough to qualify as a sauna.  

6.  I will eat my meal(s) OUTSIDE !!!   And then when I get too warm I can go inside where the temperature will be cold enough to freeze a side of beef.

7. I can put the wheel chair into the shed instead of the middle of the living room. 

8. I can clean out the freezer of all 12 gallons of ice cream that we had for The Man.

9. I can go out with friends and not have to worry about getting home in time to cook dinner.  

I am looking forward to this new life. Even if it is only for a few months.  I hopefully will be recharged with a heart that's working properly and a lot of QUIET TIME not taking care of other people.  I have my list of shows and movies that I want to watch. Life will be good. 

 I"m thinking that no matter what happens with this open heart surgery I WILL BE IN HEAVEN !!!!!