Yesterday I found myself in tears because my vacuum is broken. How silly is that !!!!!
But then I got to thinking that it is NOT about the vacuum. What it is about is my life right now. I am feeling broken and tossed in the trash bin, just like my lovely vacuum. The vacuum was just the straw that broke the camels back or the incident that shattered my mind into a zillion dust bunnies. Like the dust bunnies I would like to spend my days this week/month/year hiding under my bed.
The quick list of straws on my back is this. The Man's health is failing quickly now. He will return to MI the end of this week when his son flies down from AK to drive The Man back to his home in MI. He will not return to Florida again. Can he manage to live alone in his house on the farm ? I doubt it but that is what he wants to do and I totally get it. I am not going up to the farm this summer because I will be having open heart surgery some time soon. (I see the cardiac surgeon today. I was born with a funky bi cuspid valve that is not happy after these past 80 years so it needs fixing. Another blog in the making for sure.). Then we have Cousin LuLu who is now having health issues. (She is only 94). She has been in the hospital for a week and calls every day to ask when I'm coming to visit. Her kidneys are failing, she is loopier than normal and she looks so tiny and frail. When I was there the other day I just sat with her holding her hand while she asked me why God is doing this to her. I could have gotten into a deep, (well as deep as I can get) philosophical discussion or I could have told her she WAS 94 . . . What do you expect !!!!!! But I bit my tongue which is shredded by now.
But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope it's not THE LIGHT !!!! I'm not ready to "Go To The Light" quite yet. I have more adventures to take. The Man is leaving here on Saturday. I will be dancing through the house as the car pulls out of the parking lot. Don't get me wrong. I love this guy. He is kind, sweet and caring but he is A MAN !!!! And you know my thoughts on that subject ! The whole scooter debacle is making it much easier to say good bye before I kill him. Because of his failing health and my heart issues I can't do all that I normally do for him and he can't do much for himself. (Thankfully personal hygiene is still up to him.) This limited living situation has brought aides into our home twice a week for 3 hours a day. Now before you say, "Oh, isn't that wonderful" let me tell you about home health aides provided by the VA. These good folks are not doing this job to get rich and they certainly don't have a degree in Astro Physics, (or possibly even 8th grade). It is one of them who destroyed my vacuum by ripping off the filter instead of just opening it. They never said anything to us so I didn't discover it until I went to use it. Then we had the woman who apparently has never made a bed. I had washed the sheets and The Man asked her to put the sheets on the bed. She put the top flat sheet on the bottom and the fitted bottom sheet was put over that. (That's how I know they don't have a degree in Astro Physics.). They empty the dish washer and put the forks in with the spoons and dishes in with the pots. It is a game of hide and seek every time. I can not wait for this week to end ! Here's why . . .
1. No more man asking me to put lotion on his legs. (Come on ! You CAN do it yourself !
2. No more watching TV shows about Cops, Cowboys, Soldiers or sports. No more hockey, basket ball, football or golf.
3. No more having to plan, shop and prepare dinners. I probably will eat one meal a day. And while we are speaking about food . . . NO MORE Swedish meatballs, potato sausage, pasties or halibut.
4. No more staying up until midnight watching TV because someone isn't tired because he took a 3 hour nap that afternoon.
5. No more living in a house that is hot enough to qualify as a sauna.
6. I will eat my meal(s) OUTSIDE !!! And then when I get too warm I can go inside where the temperature will be cold enough to freeze a side of beef.
7. I can put the wheel chair into the shed instead of the middle of the living room.
8. I can clean out the freezer of all 12 gallons of ice cream that we had for The Man.
9. I can go out with friends and not have to worry about getting home in time to cook dinner.
I am looking forward to this new life. Even if it is only for a few months. I hopefully will be recharged with a heart that's working properly and a lot of QUIET TIME not taking care of other people. I have my list of shows and movies that I want to watch. Life will be good.
I"m thinking that no matter what happens with this open heart surgery I WILL BE IN HEAVEN !!!!!
