IF A TRAIN LEAVES THE STATION . . .

 I am breaking into hies just typing the sentence above.   When ever a math teacher started their lesson with that sentence I knew I was in trouble.  I mean really, who cares !!  If I just look at the train schedule I can give you the answer in a lot less time than it is going to take me to do the math.  So REALLY ?  Will I EVER need to use this useless information in my life? 

Apparently I DO.

Or if not me then the pharmacies of the world sure do need to go back and learn some math skills!  OR . . . is it all about the MONEY ????????

So here's my question of the day . . .  If I need to take a pill for my blood pressure and the doctor writes a script for ONE pill, ONCE a day every day for a month how many pills will I need to order for ONE MONTH ??????  

 Now I am not a genius nor am I good at math, (just ask my high school math teachers), but if there are thirty days in a month and I take one pilll every day I come up with the a answer of One pill every day times thirty days should equal THIRTY PILLS !     Or if you prefer to see this in an equation . . .             30 X 1 = 30.       I think I am correct in my advanced mathematical solution to this horribly complex math problem.  Right ?    

Tell that to my pharmacy.   I order my pills through the mail from a company that is approved by my insurance plan.  When I switched to Humana after Cigna decided it didn't want to deal with Floridians any longer, (can you blame them?) I gave Humana a list of all my medications and I was happily informed that all my meds are covered by their plan.  GOOD NEWS !!   Whoopee !!!!   The insurance company asked me if I wanted "Automatic refills" to which I replied.   NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     If ever there was a company to screw up a soup sandwich it is an insurance company refilling prescriptions.  Never EVER give them permission to control any part of your life as long as you are still mentally capable of handling your own medication.  Every time I am hospitalized for more than a day there is ALWAYS a Royal F... UP  with my medications.  But that's a whole other blog !   

I am all set to start receiving my medications each month WHEN I ORDER THEM !  So why do I keep getting bags of pills in my mailbox?  Now if those pills were Valium or something good I would not be complaining but how many bottles of antacid can one person use?  I call the pharmacy and they promise me they have taken me off the automatic refill list.  The pills keep coming.  I send various e-mails and the pills still keep coming. I receive text messages almost daily reminding me that a prescription of mine is due for a refill. I text back . . .STOP  . . .  DO NOT REFILL AT THIS TIME.      And then 5 days later a package arrives with . . . guess what ???  Yup, the pills that I did not need!!!  I really don't know what to do about this.  I will need to empty a closet to store all my "drugs".  I guess I could just keep letting them send me my meds every three weeks (IN STEAD OF EACH MONTH) and then at the end of the year I can open my own pharmacy.   

Trouble is that with every unwanted refill I receive I am charged for them.  It's not a massive amount of money but the point is the insurance company is making money faster than necessary.  I guess every time they get their electric bill they just start refilling peoples prescriptions whether you need them or not. But at least the drug company will keep its lights on for another month. 

Does any one out there need some antacids at a really good price ?

A L E X A !!!!!!!!!!!!

 Once again my very BFF, Sharon, is trying to make me loose the very few marbles that I still have rattling around in my head.  I love this woman dearly. I could not ask for a better friend . It doesn't matter that we live thousands of miles apart.  It doesn't matter that she leans one way in politics while I lean the other way.  She prefers being around old people, I prefer being in the company of little children.  She was a nurse, I was a teacher. I love to try different foods, she will stick with fried chicken and French fries.  But some how or other when ever we get together on the phone or in person we laugh till we cry and talk till we fall asleep. And our visits are NEVER long enough.  

I had not seen Sharon in about 8 years.  Health, husbands, family and distance kept getting in the way of spending time together. But like all true friendships we would pick up right where we left off.  We do seem to have a psychic connection because when ever one of us is going through something tough the phone will ring and there on the other end is the exact person we need to talk to right at that exact moment.  

But it seems that in spite of this amazingly wonderful connection she still likes to find ways to drive me CRAZY !!!!

Perhaps you remember my blog about the "Dryer Balls" ?  The marvelous gift that BFF Sharon sent me one Christmas?  I am still chasing those silly things around my house every time I do a wash. And I always think of Sharon as I am cursing the damn things.  (But I really do love them, just don't tell her.)

This spring the stars were in alignment. We were both healthy, we didn't need to stay home to take care of anyone and we both had the time free.  So  Sharon came to Florida to visit. Only 3 days because according to her "House guests are like fish.  They stink after 3 days."  I promised her she could shower every day so she wouldn't stink but she held firm and left way too soon for my liking.  We didn't do much while she was here except eat, talk and LAUGH till we cried.  It was so great to be with her.

One of her first observations when she arrived at my condo was that I did not have an ALEXA. She found it quite strange that I have existed all these years without the eighth wonder of the modern world sitting in my living room.  I explained that I have enough voices in my head I really did NOT need another one.  Over the next 3 days the topic of Alexa would pop up and Sharon would extol the endless virtues of adding this to my life. I politely listened and didn't give it another thought. 

Until guess what arrived in the mail about a week after my BFF"s visit ?  

Did you guess an hippopotamus ?   I hope not because that would be silly !   It was ALEXA!!!!!!!  My reaction was the same as when I opened the Apple Watch that my Son and daughter-in-law sent me a couple of years ago. "What the hell am I going to do with this??????"   And like the Apple Watch that I wear EVERY DAY and love  . . .   Well . . .   I'm really not to that point yet with Alexa but I am sure it. will grow on me. 

Given time I am sure Alexa will become a regular visitor to my world but I am still not used to speaking to her.  Living alone it seems weird to talk to nothing but I have learned she will play music that I like.  That is awesome !   She will tell me what the weather will be for the day so I know if I need the umbrella for our afternoon monsoon.  The most I use Alexa for is spelling.  Spell check on the computer sometimes messes up or when I am hand writing a note to someone and can't spell Caribbean.  (Not that I use that word often but living in Florida it does come up every so often. ). It is then that I turn to Alexa.  And here is where the problem is.   Apparently Alexa has been created by a person under the age of 80.  When I ask for the spelling of a word Alexa spells it SO QUICKLY that I just about get the first 2 letters written and she is done with the entire word.  So I ask her again, " Alexa,  please spell Caribbean".  And she repeats it again just as fast as the first time.  Maybe I get 2 more letters but I still don't have the whole word.  Was that 2 "R's" or 2 "B's" ?   Let's try this again.  Alexa, spell Caribbean SLOWLY !    And I get "Caribbean slowly".    Oh Lord !!  Again . . .  Alexa, S L O W L Y spell Caribbean.    She still rattles it off so quickly that I am still missing the last 3 letters in the word.  Apparently S L O W L Y is not a concept Alexa has learned.  Us old folks need people and Alexa to speak SLOWLY. !!!!!!! 

I finally give up and rewrite my letter to not include the word Caribbean.    

Thank you Alexa and Sharon. I think it may take me awhile to get used to this new addition to my life.  Maybe I could use it as a target for when I am throwing the dryer balls. 

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH

 Well, I guess that's really not true if you think about it.  There are soup kitchens that provide free lunches.  Some kids in school get free lunches and if you go to Chick-Fil-A on your birthday you get a free lunch.  (They even have a day when if you dress like a cow you get a free lunch.)  So I am wrong.  You can get a free lunch.

BUT . . .   There is NO thing as a bargain in a furniture store or a car dealer.   (If you care to you can go back about 4 years and read about my poor RAV 4 experience. Talk about a sucker deal. I was sold a year old car that had been in a flood in Massachusetts and brought to Florida to sell to an inspecting idiot who thought she got such a GREAT deal.  Never trust a car salesman.  I will NEVER buy another Toyota.)

Moving on to the furniture store.  

Today I decided I really needed to wash the covers on my 2 white dining room chairs. I don't have many occasions to have 8 people for dinner but just in case I bought 2 extra chairs when I bought my dining room table with 4 chairs 9 years ago when I moved into this condo.  I dragged Theresa to the "Rooms-To Go bargain store near us and in there we found 2 white "leather" chairs that would fit nicely with my table and chairs.  The chairs were well made, solid, attractive and the price was right!!!  I had been looking for chairs for a while and could not believe what ONE chair could cost !  It was like buying a whole house.  Who needs to sit on a twelve hundred dollar chair ???????  My grand kids were still young at the time and quite prone to food related accidents.  I am the kind of grandma who really doesn't care about spills and food mess. It can all be wiped up, rubbed clean or covered with a towel or a rug.  So when I found these 2 "cheap", white chairs that could easily be wiped down if there was a mess on them it was a no brainer.  They were perfect. 

Fast forward about 2 years when I noticed the "leather" seats were cracking and flaking off.  Just a little but I figured the dry air in the house was probably causing the seats to dry out.  Easy fix for that . . . AMAZON !  They have everything and sure enough there were lovely beige covers, reasonably priced, good reviews and fast shipping.  When those arrived a few days later they were super easy to put on the two chairs and in a matter of minutes I had 2 "looks like new" chairs.  Not only were they very attractive but they were easy to clean. Not that I cleaned them often but when ever I found a spot on them I would wipe it off and they looked like new.  

It wasn't until today that I decided I REALLY should take the covers off and throw them in the wash. As I reached under the chair to release the strap holding the seat cover on a few flakes drifted to the floor.  HUM???  Well I guess the chairs are shedding a little more of their "leather" upholstery .  So I began to pull the cover up and off the seat and back of the chair which resulted in a snow storm that was equal to the blizzard in Michigan this past winter.  I had white flakes of what ever the hell those chairs are covered with flying around the room.  Think of that old abandoned house in your neighborhood who's paint is pealing. That was my chair.  I swear to you the resulting drifts of flakes were as high as my knee.  (Well, maybe that's just a little of an exaggeration. But there definitely was a crap load of chair flakes all over the dining room by the time I had removed both covers.). What a mess!  

The covers went right into the washer and the vacuum came out of the closet.  It took me so much time to vacuum up the mess that my vacuum died.  I had to stop and recharge it.  But that gave me the perfect amount of time to write this blog. 

Will I get rid of the chairs?  Heck no!!!  I've got 2 perfectly good chair covers that will cover any future flaking. The covers fit only those chairs so I can't use them for anything else.  Of course if I take the covers out of the washer and they are in shreds then I may have to rethink this whole thing. After all I did buy the chair covers on sale so I can only expect the worst. 

DON'T DUMP THE DUMP CAKE

 I am always on the lookout for an EASY recipe.  I like to cook and bake.  I learned from my mom who was a wizard in the kitchen.  Hand her a can of cream of mushroom soup and she would make a gourmet meal, complete with dessert.  (Of course I was just a kid and would eat just about anything, including tongue, tripe and kidneys.  It's amazing what my mom could do with those.).  But her genius really came out when she was baking. I would come home from school to the most heavenly smells wafting from the kitchen.  (That was probably why I came home.).  My mom baked for the entire neighborhood.  What ever she had made was usually shared with at least 3 of our neighbors.  Thank goodness because if she left ALL her baked goodies in the house I would have been a two hundred pound six year old.  I still have little to no will power when it comes to cakes and cookies. 

 And she was creative!  Every 4th of July a small cake would appear decorated with whip cream, strawberries and blueberries artfully arranged like the American Flag.  I won't even tell you about the Christmas goodies she would create.  I would kill to have her recipes but sadly when she died and my dad sold the house he threw out EVERYTHING.  I forgive him, he's a man who was focused on moving and clearing out years and years of stuff.  But I still wish I had that little green tin recipe box that held all the magic.

Where was I ?. . . .   Oh yeah,  Dump Cake.     The first time I heard of this was on Facebook.  (I can get sucked in for hours scrolling one video after another.). So when I saw DUMP CAKE I had to stop and check it out.  I have made several dump recipes in my lifetime but to me "dump" meant that when I made something that was absolutely horrible I would dump it in the garbage.  (Believe me there were more than one.).  But here was an actual recipe to dump a cake?   I HAD to check that out. I came to find out that it is a way of making a cake without having to get out the electric mixer!!!!!  Already I knew this was for me because my mixer is wonderful but it weighs a ton. The prospect of having to lift it  out of the closet and carry it to the kitchen without dropping on my foot or getting a hernia is usually too daunting so I don't bake.   But a cake that didn't require using an electric mixer??????  Whoa !!!!!!  This is for me!

I happened to tell my friend Theresa about this recipe I had found and her response was, "Oh yea. I've made them".  Now what kind of a friend keeps something like that a secret ??????  But I should have known better.  This woman is also a wizard in the kitchen so of course she would have known about this new fad.   Because I happened to find a dump cake recipe for a lemon cake and I know that lemon is one of Theresa's favorite flavors,  (That and Butter Pecan Moonshine which I am told is best had when poured over vanilla ice cream. ).  I knew I had to make the cake for her. The timing is perfect since her birthday is this weekend. 

I watched the recipe video several times to make sure I knew what I was getting into.  Looked easy . . . I'll give it a try. 

 STEP 1 . . . Dump a can of lemon pie filling into the bottom of the baking dish.  OK where in holy hell do I find lemon pie filling ???????   Oh sure, the baking isle has all the cans of pie filling. They have cherry, apple, pumpkin, blue berry, raspberry, chocolate, coconut but NO lemon.  Four trips to 4 different  grocery stores and numerous numbers of store employees assuring me that "Sure we have lemon pie filling" I still did not find any.  I could order it on line but it would take 2 weeks to get here. (Apparently they only make lemon pie filling in the furthest regions of Antarctica.)  I was going to have to think outside the oven on this one. I bought 2 boxes of lemon pudding mix and used that instead.   

STEP 2 . . . sprinkle  1/2 cup of cake mix across the pudding.  Easy Peasy

STEP 3. . .   Cut an 8 oz block of cream cheese into small cubes and place them all over the top of the mess in the pan. NO Problem !!!!!  Except stupid me who is used to working with cream cheese in recipes took the package out earlier so it would soften up.  Do you know that warm cream cheese does NOT slice well. It would be much easier to cut into cubes if it was COLD!  But I now have a half made cake sitting on. my counter and no time to freeze the warm, mushy cream cheese. It wasn't pretty. I plopped GLOBS of cream cheese across the cake and hoped for the best. 

STEP 4 . . . Dump the rest of the cake mix all over the cream cheese. Covering it evenly.  Evenly??  Who are they kidding?  Between the globs of cream cheese and the dumping of cake mix I was lucky most of the cake mix made it into the pan.  As it was I had enough cake mix spilled all over the counter that I could have made a cupcake.

STEP 5 . . .  Last but not least . . . cut one stick of butter into thin slices and distribute them evenly over the top of the cake.  HA !!!!!  Once again it would have been very nice if someone had mentioned that the butter, like the cream cheese, is SOOOOOOOO much easier to slice if it is COLD !!!!!!!!!!  Dear Lord ! I was ready to dump the cake . . . in the garbage.   But I will prevail and make my mom proud. (If she can stop laughing her wings off).  Do you know how long it takes butter to chill after it being at room temperature for an hour?  Neither do I because I just followed my previous adventure with the cream cheese and plopped globs of gutter across the top of the cake. No pattern, no symmetry, nothing . . . just PLOP !!

I am now sitting here in my living room waiting for the cake to finish baking. I am wondering if I will actually give Theresa the WHOLE cake.  Do you think she would mind if half of it was missing?  It smells divine. And I do think I deserve a reward for the conquering the "EASY" Dump Cake recipe. 

THE THINKING BROOM

 Harry Potter had the Talking Hat.   I have the thinking broom. Well to be totally honest it is a Thinking Vacuum, not a broom.  Although it could be a mop or a. scrub brush or even a weed whacker on those rare occasions I am working in my "garden"  ( It's more like a boarder of weeds that fills 2 sides of my lanai.) What ever the "tool" of the day happens to be that is my thinking time.

I'm reading the latest book that my youngest child has just published. It is titled " Beyond The Gates of Eden".  I am truly enjoying learning about this child of mine and his search for his identity.  WHO KNEW all these things were swirling around in his head all those years that he has been alive.  He writes about his search for self and where it has taken him. For what ever reason he only finds those hidden parts of himself when he is climbing a mountain in Tibet or running a 4 day race across the Sarah Desert. (That one will happen in November. I've already started praying.)

His book has got me thinking about how we find ourselves and the paths we take on that journey.  Where are you when your thought process at its peak?  Sitting on a beach in Florida?  Tucked in a cozy cabin on a lake? Sitting on the toilet at two in the morning?  We all have that time in our days when we are given the opportunity to search inside our psyche and evaluate the direction we are going.  

Now I am not saying that we all DO that. Some people don't ever give it a thought. They live moment to moment, one foot in front of the other plodding through life day by day. No goals in sight, no question of "Is this all there is?"  And those folks are happy with the status quo.  But then there are people who are ALWAYS questioning and searching and thinking.  It's that thinking part that will get you.  It's times like when I am cleaning the bathtub that my mind starts clicking and thoughts start pouring in like a good Florida thunderstorm that can drown you in a matter of seconds.  That's my brain when I'm doing some mindless task.  I can hear the switch click on as my mind starts to rumble and shake. Oh Oh . . . watch out here comes Lord knows what.  

If I am sitting on a beach or in a cabin in the woods my brain is content to just be quiet and at peace. It's happy, calm and content.  But if I start to clean the house my brain apparently has a need to THINK.  Not about what I am doing but think about everything and anything else other than cleaning. 

 Being an only child. I had A LOT of. time alone to think. But I always found something to occupy my mind  rather than thinking about who I was and where I was headed.  That is still true at 81.  The one exception is when I wake up at three in the morning. What is it about the middle of the night that your brain WAKES UP !!? One minute. I'm sound asleep and the next minute I'm planning my 12 year old grand daughter's wedding. Makes NO sense at all.  But I least I don't get up and start cleaning. 

WHAT'S NEW IN THE NEWS

 My kids are starting to make fun of me . . .   (Well that's really not true, they have been making fun of me for years.   I tell them I am just providing them with material to laugh at when I die,).  The most recent source of entertainment in their world is my constant source of information.  Most of my conversations these days begin with, "You know what I read in the paper today?" 

 After all those years of never having time to read a paper it is one of my indulgences that I truly enjoy.  There are many days when I don't take the time to sit on the lanai and read the paper as I eat breakfast so I end up with a stack of newspapers that I "really have to get to" but never do. My recycle bin is full every week with "old" papers.  

I started getting the daily paper after husband died. He was the ultimate source of local information because of his attention to EVERYTHING in the paper and on TV.  I have taken up his passion for newspapers but for a totally different reason.   I honestly don't care about the sports section and classifieds but the rest of it is quite entertaining.  I can ALWAYS find a story about something stupid that someone has said or done. That's a given when you live in Flori-DUH.    But there is interesting stuff too.  

Today I read that the desert sands from Africa are headed this way so watch out hurricane season.  Did you know that our hurricanes begin in Africa ?  The sand there fills the air and blows out across the ocean where those sand particles pick up moisture.  They then gather and grow into storms.  (That's the very simplified version0. The more sand blowing the more storms.   I'm not quite ready to put up my hurricane shutters but I will be paying attention.  

Along with that our Death train, the Brightline, in in financial trouble.  I guess they have had to pay for too may funerals for all the people they have run over. Which really isn't fair since the train did not case down these idiots who insist on walking or driving on the train tracks.  I really think victims should be paying the poor engineer of the train who is now in major therapy for PTSD after killing someone who jumped in front of the train or was too stupid, drunk or stoned to realize a train was coming.  As for the idiots who drive across the tracks while the gates are down, lights are flashing and bells are ringing as the train races down the tracks at 80 MPH while blasting its horn . . .  Well, honestly they are no loss to humanity since they are the dumbest of the dumb. 

Also in todays paper . . . one of Jeff Bezos' rockets blew up at Cape Kennedy yesterday.  No one was hurt but it was quite the show. The flames lit up the sky for miles and miles.  I was not outside last night so I did not get to witness this but from what the paper said I probably could have seen it from the beach near me.  

Lastly, there was a good editorial about The Donald recently going for his annual physical.  (Stay with me here. I am not pushing my political opinion.). The writer of the editorial voiced all the things that I have been thinking for years.  There is NO comparison between the health of The Donald and that of Biden when he was president.  It seems that one of the BIG "concerns" of those trying to make us believe that Trump is unfit for the job of president its the fact that he has large purple bruises on his hands!!          HELLO !!!!!! . . .   Anyone over the age of 70 is familiar with that affliction.  If you don't have large purple bruises over 90 % of your. body you are blessed for sure.  All I have to do is gently bump into a pillow and I immediately turn purple where ever I bumped.  Dwayne experienced the same thing. And NO, neither of us were/are on blood thinners.  We did/do take a small amount of aspirin each day but My shin would get these bruises even before I started on the aspirin a day routine.  People are constantly asking me what I did to cause such a mark.  If I fell down a flight of stairs or something.  Nope, I just knocked into the sofa or some equally innocuous item.  

The other observation that is being made of our president is that his hands appear swollen.  Yes?  And?  This is seemingly unusual to some folks who are not old enough to experience the joys of aging.  Not only does our skin get so much thinner so it bruises much easier but swelling of the extremities is very common in us older folks.  Standing or sitting for long periods of time causes feet and legs AND HANDS to swell.  It is unavoidable unless you choose to lie in bed all day and do nothing.  Contrary to popular opinion excessive activity or rest isn't good for old folks.  We need to learn moderation. something I and my president seem to be unable to do.  I could not keep the schedule President Trump keeps. I would be dead in a matter of weeks.  

It is also a proven fact that the older we get the less filters we have.  If I THINK something there is a really good chance I will SAY it.  I victim of a double whammy in that department.  My mother was famous for no filters.   Open mouth . . . insert foot.    There was no knowing what she was going to say. And this is true of her from the day I was old enough to listen to her.  (Not listen as in obey, because that NEVER happened. But listen to her when she was speaking to other people.  She was someone who people loved in spite of what she said to you.).   I do try to think before I speak but that is getting harder and harder the older I get.  There just comes a point in your life when you say, "Screw it !!!  I think it so I say it!"  Sorry if it offends you but that's how I feel.    

I guess that's why I blog. 

TODAY'S MAIL

 I would like to ask all of you out there to pray for my mailman.  He is going to need surgery to repair the hernia he is getting from delivering my mail.  I'm sure that after bringing all this crap to me for the past 9 years he will be due for surgery very soon.

I started my morning today by walking out to the parking lot to bring in my paper recycle bin from yesterday's trash pick-up. Then I walked around to my mail box to collect yesterday's mail. Good thing I had the recycle bin with me because I had SEVENTEEN  requests for donations stuffed into my mail box.  Seventeen ?  I'm sure most people. don't get that much mail in a month.  Lucky me !!!

Included in this collection of solicitations from various cancer societies, missions, medical aid groups, homes for children in need, the blind, the deaf  and Lord knows what else,  I have received a garbage can full of FREE gifts.   For some reason these charitable organizations seem to think that if they send me a gift worth one dollar I will in turn send them a check for $35 or more dollars.  (The good old days of sending a check for five or ten dollars are long gone. The base amount of a contribution is now $35. All that for sending me a pen that doesn't work.)

But wait . . .   The charities have gotten very creative these days.  It used to be I would receive twelve bazillion address labels in the mail in the course of a month. (Half of which had.my name spelled wrong, all of which I tossed in the trash). I guess I wasn't the only one who had no need for that many address labels.  The charities decided to get creative with their. gifts. Now I no l longer have 12 bazillion stickers, Instead I have 12 bazillion plastic grocery bags!!!  I could probably stand outside of Publix grocery store for 24 hours handing out a bag to every customer going into the store and I would still have enough to come back another day.  (I am actually thinking of sewing the bags together to make rugs for my living room and bedroom.  Possibly the dining room too.). 

Fortunately we are not limited to just grocery bags.  Some of the organizations really have gotten quite creative. In yesterday's mail I received the following:  2 bleach pens for getting stains out of laundry items,             1 combination pen-flashlight-screw driver,         A box of 6 reusable straws (I have no idea what that is all about but I will give them a try),            1 bowl scraper to use when I am baking the apple pie, fry bread and fruit pudding that I received the recipes for,         1 2027 wall calendar,        a check for $1.95      and.           a one dollar bill, (which I promise not to spend all in one place.). 

Very creative indeed.    Now you understand why I am concerned for my mailman's health.  This mail all arrived in one delivery.  If you multiply that by 6 days in a week,    52 weeks in a year I figure my mailman will be in need of surgery in about 37 weeks.   If I send you all a letter asking for a contribution will you please send a check for at least $35 for the Mailman's health fund?  

Sorry I don't have any more plastic grocery bags to add to my request but I gave them all away to different charities.