THE MISSING LINK

Once again I am referring to Husband. The poor thing!  Once again I sit here in total amazement at the things he says and does and wonder WHAT goes on inside his brain !

We have definitely established the man has a brain. After countless "brain" scans the doctors can see that H does indeed possess something inside his skull other than cotton fluff. It appears to be a functioning "organ" but I really do wonder.

Then this morning it hit me, H is the missing link between cave man and human being. Somewhere along the line of evolution the cave man developed a thinking process and went from eating flesh off a woolly mammoth to processing that flesh, cooking it and using a knife and a fork. I assume it was around this time that "civilized" man started wearing clothes and peeing in a toilet.

Having a husband who seems to be having trouble with all of the above " Civilized" actions I have come to the conclusion that he is indeed the missing link. Seeing how I need an explanation for H's recent bizarre behavior MISSING LINK is as reasonable as any other explanation. THINKING is a key word here. I fail to see any attempt on H's part to separate necessity from frivle. (That which is NOT necessary. This includes sitting in front of Fox News and picking ones nose. Both of which H can do simultaneously to an expert degree.) Necessity includes feeding ones' self, peeing IN a toilet and dressing in CLEAN, dry clothes. We could include shaving every so often so that one does not look like Santa on a binge and brushing teeth at least ONCE a day. (I would prefer both those actions be taken a lot more often but I'll take what I can get!)

And then there is the whole eating thing. I made a chicken roast yesterday that I had bought at Sam's club.  One of those wonderful pre-cooked things that just take minutes to heat.  It was chicken stuffed with artichoke hearts, spinach and cheese.  It was delicious! True to form Husband asked 

"What's in this" and true to form I didn't quite lie, I just omitted mentioning the artichoke hearts. Heaven forbid H should eat anything healthy. It wasn't until one of the kids mentioned artichoke hearts that H did a double take and a good look at his plate. Up to that point he was quite happy eating what was in front of him. He did not mention any odd tastes or textures and was actually enjoying his dinner.   His plate was nearly empty when the horrific word ARTICHOKE was mentioned. At that point H completely stopped eating and refused another bite.

SERIOUSLY ??????  

The man is a neanderthal and I have the "pleasure" of living with him.  Now I know why cave women looked as bad as they did and would travel miles and miles ALONE on the pretense of gathering berries.  I'd rather chance the attack of a rabid saber tooth tiger than put up with this shit !