SHARING MY BED

 When you are married for 46 years you become quite accustomed to sharing the bed.  Some sleep partners take up more room than others, some make bodily noises, (I leave that to your imagination) and some steal the covers.  A person can become quite accustomed to all of the above and even get to the point of not even being aware of any of this. It is all just part of being sharing your bed with another person. 

BUT . . . I have a problem.  I am used to sharing my bed with The Man, I am used to sharing my bed with the occasional grand child or pet but I do not like sharing my bed with all of the extras that The Man brings to bed with him. I have no problem with the three hundred feet of oxygen hose that is wrapped around him as he sleeps.  He has done a wonderful job of keeping me "tangle free" so that when I wake up in the middle of the night to stagger into the potty I am not caught up in yards of "rope" like a calf in a rodeo event. I am usually awake enough on my mid-night wanderings that I can navigate around the oxygen hose and make it to the bathroom without getting tangled in tubing. 

But when I wake up in the morning and go to make our bed it is like navigating through a mine field. I pull back the top covers and things go flying.  If they aren't being flung across the room when I shake out the sheets I find the assortment of "goodies" laying around IN the bed. In this instance the "goodies" are anything but good.  First I must collect the forty-seven soggy, snotty, crumpled, used tissues. Because The Man is on oxygen 24/7 his nose is constantly running so he is constantly wiping his nose with a tissue.  If I had realized this years ago I would have purchased a massive amount of stock in the Kleenex Company. We go through tissues like a new born goes through diapers.  We buy our tissues by the case so that there is at least one tissue box in every room of our house. Thus when The Man goes to bed he usually has several tissues in hand or on his night stand, all of which end up IN the bed by morning. There are some mornings that I pull back the covers and think that it must have snowed during the night because the sheet is covered in white.  

Once all the tissues are gathered and disposed of I then have to collect the assortment of clickers. THESE are the things that more times than not have gone flying across the room when I pull back the comforter. I am never sure if I will find them on top of the covers or under the covers. It's a guessing game each day.  It is not like there is one clicker either.  NO . . .  we have a minimum of THREE at any given time. The Man has the TV clicker, the "Netflix" clicker and his remote control for the bed.  (We have a wonderful bed that you can raise and lower and make vibrate.)  Both The Man and I have our own remote so if I forget to put mine on the night stand we can wind up with FOUR clickers in the bed. I usually put mine on the night table because I KNOW there is a very good possibility that if I left it in the bed I would roll over onto it during the night. If that happens I find myself being vibrated or elevated to a sitting position. Not a very good way to be woken up from a good sleep.  Because I don't like being woken up I try to make a point of putting the clicker OFF the bed.  Apparently The Man feels differently because he ALWAYS leaves his clicker in the bed so that many a night I am woken up by his side of the bed shaking like an earth quake. Add to that the TV clicker that he also rolls over on to during the night so that not only do I find myself in an earthquake but Fox News is now blasting from the TV.  

Thank goodness we do not eat in bed because I would then be rolling onto dishes and knives and forks. 

And I wonder why I am tired in the morning !