In case you are wondering if I have finally written and produced a show think again. I would like to chat about productions but not ones that you find on Broadway. The productions I am referring to issue from You Know Who when ever he decides he NEEDS to do something. It can be as simple as making a sandwich to building a new barn. No matter what the size of the job it IS going to become a production.
First and foremost what comes to mind is the bird feeder, of which we have two. Both of them hang outside the kitchen glass door so that The Man can watch the birds as he sits on his red Naugahyde throne at the kitchen table. We have hundreds of birds. All shapes and sizes and colors. And all of them love to visit the bird feeders. As with most things I am the one in charge of buying the bird seed and keeping the feeders filled. I have written about trying to please The Man when buying bird food but it's a lost cause.
Do you know how many different types of bird food is sold at the Tractor Supply store????? For as many different types of birds there is just as many different types of food. We have food for song birds, food for migrating birds, food for sparrows and food for cardinals. There is food that woodpeckers like, (I guess it tastes like wood), and food for tiny little finches. Some food has sunflower seeds in it, (which The Man does not like because it get stuck in the holes of the feeder). Some feed has fruit and nuts in it. Some has peanuts and some look like dried up vomit.
I am sent into the store to get a bag of seed and no matter what kind I buy it is not exactly what The Man wants. It becomes a production. Then once we find just the perfect food I have to fill the feeders out back so that I can be supervised as to the proper way of filling the feeder. (Take the top off and pour the seed in. Not really brain surgery.) I will admit this production has gotten less intense as the years go by and I have proven myself to be capable of managing such a delicate task on my own.
As for washing the kitchen floor I have had to buy a text book and attend 32 sessions of" How To Wash a Floor 101". It goes from me not putting the Swiffer wet pad on the Swiffer in the proper way to what cleaning product to spray on the Swiffer pad. (I have always been under the impression that the "wet" pads are wet because they have some sort of cleaning solution on them. This apparently is not the case with the pads that The Man buys. His WET pads need to be sprayed with Windex when cleaning the floor)
DON'T ASK !
But all that is small potatoes compared to the big projects. Or at least what becomes a BIG project. I bought The Man a new seat for his lawn mower as a birthday gift. The seat on his old mower was shredding so when you sat down on it you were poked by random pieces of hard, cracked plastic and when you got off the mower there were all sorts of flakes of rotting foam stuck to your butt. It was time for a new seat. I did not mention this purchase to The Man but went ahead and got the model number off the old seat and sent away for a new one. The new seat arrived this past week in a HUGE cardboard box. There was no way I was going to hide it until The Man's birthday in 2 weeks so I brought in the box and wished hime a Happy Birthday. He seemed happy with his gift but it left it in the box in the middle of the kitchen for about 5 days. Each day I would ask if I could help him put the seat on his mower and each day I was told, "not today". (I don't know what we were waiting for.). Finally by Friday I brought the seat outside and asked if I should install it. That lit a fire under the old guy and out he came armed with three screwdriver, a hammer, two wrenches and a Partridge in a Pear tree. I knew what I was in for but God is good. God apparently did not want me to kill The Man or end up in the state mental hospital because just as the production was about to begin who should motor bike up our driveway than the kid from down the road who helps us when we are in need of an extra set for hands and a brain. Tanner was just stopping in to see if we needed anything done and sure enough he prevented a murder suicide. The seat was put on in a matter of minutes and it works great. The Man did NOT put his tools away! They are still sitting on the picnic table out in the yard.
