AVALANCHE. ! ?

 I am giving serious thought to how I can murder The Man.   I figure I would be doing him a favor since he has one foot in the grave already, all he needs is a little shove.  There have been quite a few days lately that he has told me he is tired and just can't "do this anymore".  I sympathize totally with him so murdering him would be justified.

It's been quite the roller coaster ride since I got up here in. October.  For the 5 months that we were apart, him in MI me in FL, he would call me EVERY night and tell me how much he missed me, he couldn't wait till I got there, I am so beautiful, we can get married when I come up to MI, (seriously ! ) and he just can't live without me.    Once I got here none of that has been mentioned.  I am apparently much more lovable when I am two thousand miles away.  (I can assure you that is a fact!  It just took The Man this long to figure it out.). 

Now that I am in residence on the farm I get the opportunity to cook, clean and do EVERYTHING without so much as a thank you. Of course he is incapable of helping in any way because he really is quite weak but it really would be nice to hear him offer every once in a while.  One of my big jobs is being his secretary and keeping "THE BOOK" up to date.   Long ago when I first started on this journey I suggested we get a note book and write down all the doctor visits, medications and any other medical information.  I had done this with Husband and it was a game changer. Every time we would visit a doctor they would have twenty questions about whatever and I could thumb through my color coded book and produce answers within seconds.  (I impressed the hell out of some of the doctors. Hell, I impressed myself.). It is a win win when I can look up something in THE BOOK and read exactly what was said or done when The Man is insisting that never happened.  It has come to bite him in the butt more than once. 

But today was so frustrating that I wanted to throw THE BOOK at Mr. Man.  He had a conference call this morning with a doctor.  He had no idea what doctor.  Turns out it was a new doctor from the allergy clinic in Green Bay, WI.  Having never met The Man the doctor is talking like this is a "normal" 30 year old fairly healthy male. He does not know that The Man has END STAGE COPD, and is now under the care of Hospice.  Those two little facts should change the whole treatment plan but The Man does NOT tell the doctor any of this.   The Man is on the phone going over his tale of trying to get shots to raise his bodies immune system.  Ten years ago these shots were a game changer. He stopped getting respiratory infections and ending up in the hospital every month. He was able to get the shots in Florida and in Michigan and the VA covered it all.  But something went haywire this year and since The Man came up to the farm in April he has not had a single shot.  His immune system is tanking and he thinks that getting these shots now will suddenly change the severity of his COPD (which it will not. The damage to his lungs is only going to get worse and worse until it kills him.) We have talked about this MANY MANY times and yet when the doctor called today The Man was all hyped up on this doctor finally getting the shots for him. I am sitting across the room with THE BOOK open in front of me shaking my head. 

I have promised. myself I would SHUT UP and just let The Man do his thing but all I could think was this poor dumb doctor was going to waste hours trying to set this all up and in the meanwhile The Man will have died.   

I tried to get The Man's attention to tell him to let the doctor know he was having Hospice coming in because he is in end stage COPD but he never said a word about this to the doctor.  

It was at this point that I decided to put on my boots, jacket and gloves and go outside in the blizzard with hopes I would be lost in the snow.  (I actually went out to feed the birds). As I was plowing myself through the 3 foot snow drifts I got to thinking how I could kill The Man and no one would suspect a thing. If I just went into the bedroom where The Man was napping and put a pillow over his face I could make it look like he suffocated in an avalanche.  Once I killed him I would open the bedroom window and pile a bunch of snow inside the room as if an avalanche had come roaring down and hurried The Man under 4 feet of snow.  There certainly was enough snow but there really isn't any mountain for the snow to come roaring down.  Do you think the police would believe we went to sleep with the window open and all that snow blew in and covered up his body?     I may have to work on this plan a little more.  

In the meantime I will SHUT UP and say nothing to upset The Man. Maybe I could just add some Valium to his morning coffee.  Come to think of it, maybe I need to add some Valium to MY morning coffee!

YOU NEED TO RELAX !!!!

 Why is it that the person in your life who stresses you out the most is the one always telling you to RELAX ?   

I am not one to sit down and do nothing for hours on end.  I'm not saying that I might actually enjoy being in solitary confinement for a decade or two but my normal mode is one where I am constantly moving.  I enjoy rainy days alone at home binge watching something on TV but when I do that there is always that little voice in my head telling me to go do . . .   whatever.  I have NEVER said "I'm bored" except when The Man is giving me detailed descriptions of how he washes himself off in the shower.  (Yes, he actually spent a good ten minutes the other day taking me step by step on his shower routine .  "First I turn the light on in the bathroom and then I . . . You really. do NOT want to hear the rest. ).   It drives me CRAZY when he goes through the steps of how he does something.  Meanwhile when he wants something I need to play twenty questions to figure out exactly what the hell he is talking about.  (Like when he has me searching for something in a drawer.   It goes something like, "Would you get me that thing that I put in the drawer the other day."  What thing?   What room is this drawer in?  Which dresser in the room are we talking about?  Drives me nuts !!!!  And he gets frustrated when I ask my questions, as if to say, "What is wrong with you woman?  Can't you do anything?"  I have yet to snap back with a sarcastic comment but it is getting harder to swallow the thoughts in my head.  

So now we have spent a good part of the day finding and doing things for The Man. By late afternoon all I want to do is go take a nice little nap. Problem is that The Man has been napping ALL afternoon.  Four hours at least. During that time I am catching up on stuff I want/need to do.  There is never enough time in my world. Would I love to sit and read for a few hours?  You bet !  Would I like to do a craft ? Oh my yes!  How about just sitting quietly in a corner playing on my I Pad?   Hell Yes !!  But it seldom happens. And it is getting worse as The Man's health gets worse.  

So when I have gotten up for the three hundredth time to get/do for The Man and I am getting a little PISSED he has the balls to say . . ."RELAX!"  The he proceeds to. tell me I "DO TOO MUCH".      

WHAT !!!!!!!!!!!   Who am I doing too much for ??????????????????  

Let me give you a perfect example that happened last night.  The Man washes up right after dinner so that he is settled in bed by 7 or 7:30.  At that time of the night I am just finishing cleaning up from dinner and have to still do a bunch of things that I kept meaning to do during the day.  I FINALLY get to shower and make it into the bedroom by 9:00 PM. I am no where near to climbing INTO the bed because now is when The Man decides he needs cold water.  Then he needs water in his C Pap machine. And he left the curtain open so could. I please close it?  Next he remembers that he has left his phone on the kitchen table, would I please get it for him.  By now we are heading toward 9:30 and all I want to do is crawl into bed.  I usually get one foot in the bed when he remembers he didn't turn down his oxygen concentrator. Or at least he THINKS he didn't turn it down. Would I go check it out?  OK  we finally get that settled, I climb into bed and ten minutes later he decides he would like some ice cream.  

By how you must have a pretty good idea of just what I would like to do with his ice cream. 

THE LAMP AND THE G D SPOON

 I am headed out side for some more "snow therapy" before I write this blog.  I may not come back in until  February.   Lord Lord . . . give me strength.

I don't need strength to keep from killing You Know Who but I DO need help to keep from falling on the floor while laughing hysterically.  You just can't make up this stuff.  

Let me start with THE LAMP.  The Man needs/wants a lamp by his side of the bed.  I get that . . . it is a reasonable request.  There are so many lamps in this house but they are ALL so old with frayed wires that I will not put any one of them in the bedroom for fear of it setting the house on fire.  (Although technically it would be on HIS side of the room so I could probably get out . . .  Hum?).   Oh, sorry . . . anyway ,  Several months ago while I was still in Florida The Man had one of his helper girls buy him a floor lamp. I got a detailed description of the lamp, (pictures included), along with how wonderful it was.  The BIG excitement came from the fact that the lamp had a REMOTE CONTROL !!  (This is just perfect for a guy who can't change a channel on the TV because he can't work the remote.)  I had visions of lights flashing off and on at all hours of the night.  But I was wrong. (Oh me of little faith.). I got to MI, the lamp was great, the remote made The Man happy so all was well with the world, until the lamp stopped working.  Or I should say it stopped turning off.  The only way to turn off the light was to unplug the stupid thing.  The Man was convinced it was because the battery in the remote had gone bad.  I spent a day running around trying to find this obscure size battery that is only made in China.  Finally found the battery, changed it out and guess what.  The lamp still did not work. (No surprise to me but The Man was SHOCKED !!!  Not literally.) He wanted me to go get another battery but I was one step ahead of him and had bought 2.  Still no light.  We knew it wasn't the bulb because if you plugged the lamp in it worked fine, We just couldn't turn it off.  The helper who had bought it returned the lamp and got another one just like it.  That worked for 2 days and the same thing happened.  Took that one back and got a store credit. I shopped on Amazon and the new lamp arrived yesterday.  The Man took over immediately and began to assemble the new lamp. Being a floor lamp it had 6 one foot sections of "pipe" that screwed into one another with the electric chord running through them.  The Man looked like he was playing pick up sticks. Sections of pipe were flopping all over the place, held together with the electric chord.  He finally gets to the last piece which has the receptacle where you screw in the light bulb.  One minor problem . . . all the individual sections of the pole were covered in plastic bags that could not be slid off over the top. It never occurred to "anyone" to take the plastic bags off BEFORE assembling the lamp.  There was much muttering and swearing until I got a scissor and cut off the bags.  Then there was the issue of connecting the lamp shade and screwing in the bulb.  I went into the bedroom to sort laundry.   As of today, the lamp is still standing, it has a little chain to turn it off and on, NO remote!, and it looks really good.  I'll keep you posted.

Moving on to the GD spoon, this was the final straw . . .  After "we" got the lamp together it was time for dinner.  Easy dinner of hotdogs and beans.  EVERY time I open a small can of beans a voice from across the kitchen says, "Whose going to eat all those beans?  Why do you buy such a big can?"   (I do not buy a large can of beans I buy the smallest can I can find and yet I still hear about it every single time.   No more beans for me.).  I put the small container of beans on the table and put a spoon in the container.  I took my helping and pushed it over toward the man.  Next thing I know there is more swearing at the GD spoon that is TOO BIG.  The fact that someone spilled beans all over the table had nothing to do with who was HOLDING the spoon.  The problem was THE SPOON !!!!!!!!   

Where did I put my jacket and boots ?  I need some snow therapy !!!

TOASTY IN MICHIGAN

 December 9th, 2025 and I am outside "playing" in the snow.  I think I have found a new form of therapy for people from Florida who haven't seen snow in decades.  

I honestly expected to be too warm up here this winter.  I figured if it was too cold outside I would just stay inside.  You know I am always writing about living in a hot house when The Man is in town.  Coming up to the farm for the winter I expected the thermostat to be set at 90 degrees so I would be wearing bathing suits trying to stay cool.  It has turned out to be quite the opposite.  I guess when it is you paying the heating bill the thermostat can stay set at 68. Now I am the one who is freezing.  

I have plenty of "winter" clothes up here thanks to my BFF Jeanne.  She is down in NY worrying that I am going to be too cold so she has sent me a fleece jacket, a puffy jacket, several pairs of wool socks, and a pair of warm sweat pants.  She has also given me a scarf that she knitted.   I am toasty !!!!  I already had 2 winter coats up here that are short so I bought myself a long puffy coat with a hood and a pair of knee high snow boots.  I have a super warm pair of gloves that the Navaho Indians sent me a year ago as a fund raiser.  I am covered head to toe with love.  

God sure has had his hand in my life these days.   I never expected to be spending a winter in Northern Michigan.  This was our summer retreat from the heat of Florida but God had other plans this year.  I think He knew I needed some snow therapy and The Man needed me here to help him through his journey.  The COPD is so bad these days and The Man is tired of all of it.  We have had a lot of talks these past couple of days.  I have always said he is a fighter and does not give in to weakness but he is tired of fighting. I totally understand but I don't know what to do to make it better for him.   I guess I will do what I do best and just listen and be here. (Thus the need for "snow therapy").  

Today was the perfect day for snow therapy. It snowed again last night while we were sleeping. There was about 6-8 inches of snow still on the ground from the last 3 snow "storms".  Last nights snow covered up all the dirty snow and made the world all clean and sparkly.  Until the guy who plows out the driveways showed up.  I didn't get out early enough to walk out to the mail box in the new snow but the woods and field are still untouched so that's where I walked.   It's cold out today. Minus 4 this morning but heating up to 18.  (I may go for a swim!).  I put on 2 pair of pants, a sweat shirt, fleece and coat, gloves, hat, scarf, 2 pair of socks and my high boots.  I haven't had that many clothes on EVER !!!!  Not even as a kid.  But I was TOASTY !!! (I forgot to mention the half box of tissues in my pockets. Nothing like cold weather to clear out those sinuses.)  

It is amazing out side. The sun is out and the snow is sparkling. The walk out to the mailbox is sheltered by all the tall pine trees so it looks quite magical. I stopped all along the way taking pictures of all the different trees with snow on them.  I cut across the woods from one driveway to the other in pristine snow. There were some deer tracks that crossed the path but other than that nothing had been there before me.  About half way through the woods I stopped to look up at the trees covered in snow.  It was so quiet that I could almost hear the few snow flakes that were falling.  I stood there with tears running down my face as I talked with God.  HE knew exactly what I needed in that moment.