I am headed out side for some more "snow therapy" before I write this blog. I may not come back in until February. Lord Lord . . . give me strength.
I don't need strength to keep from killing You Know Who but I DO need help to keep from falling on the floor while laughing hysterically. You just can't make up this stuff.
Let me start with THE LAMP. The Man needs/wants a lamp by his side of the bed. I get that . . . it is a reasonable request. There are so many lamps in this house but they are ALL so old with frayed wires that I will not put any one of them in the bedroom for fear of it setting the house on fire. (Although technically it would be on HIS side of the room so I could probably get out . . . Hum?). Oh, sorry . . . anyway , Several months ago while I was still in Florida The Man had one of his helper girls buy him a floor lamp. I got a detailed description of the lamp, (pictures included), along with how wonderful it was. The BIG excitement came from the fact that the lamp had a REMOTE CONTROL !! (This is just perfect for a guy who can't change a channel on the TV because he can't work the remote.) I had visions of lights flashing off and on at all hours of the night. But I was wrong. (Oh me of little faith.). I got to MI, the lamp was great, the remote made The Man happy so all was well with the world, until the lamp stopped working. Or I should say it stopped turning off. The only way to turn off the light was to unplug the stupid thing. The Man was convinced it was because the battery in the remote had gone bad. I spent a day running around trying to find this obscure size battery that is only made in China. Finally found the battery, changed it out and guess what. The lamp still did not work. (No surprise to me but The Man was SHOCKED !!! Not literally.) He wanted me to go get another battery but I was one step ahead of him and had bought 2. Still no light. We knew it wasn't the bulb because if you plugged the lamp in it worked fine, We just couldn't turn it off. The helper who had bought it returned the lamp and got another one just like it. That worked for 2 days and the same thing happened. Took that one back and got a store credit. I shopped on Amazon and the new lamp arrived yesterday. The Man took over immediately and began to assemble the new lamp. Being a floor lamp it had 6 one foot sections of "pipe" that screwed into one another with the electric chord running through them. The Man looked like he was playing pick up sticks. Sections of pipe were flopping all over the place, held together with the electric chord. He finally gets to the last piece which has the receptacle where you screw in the light bulb. One minor problem . . . all the individual sections of the pole were covered in plastic bags that could not be slid off over the top. It never occurred to "anyone" to take the plastic bags off BEFORE assembling the lamp. There was much muttering and swearing until I got a scissor and cut off the bags. Then there was the issue of connecting the lamp shade and screwing in the bulb. I went into the bedroom to sort laundry. As of today, the lamp is still standing, it has a little chain to turn it off and on, NO remote!, and it looks really good. I'll keep you posted.
Moving on to the GD spoon, this was the final straw . . . After "we" got the lamp together it was time for dinner. Easy dinner of hotdogs and beans. EVERY time I open a small can of beans a voice from across the kitchen says, "Whose going to eat all those beans? Why do you buy such a big can?" (I do not buy a large can of beans I buy the smallest can I can find and yet I still hear about it every single time. No more beans for me.). I put the small container of beans on the table and put a spoon in the container. I took my helping and pushed it over toward the man. Next thing I know there is more swearing at the GD spoon that is TOO BIG. The fact that someone spilled beans all over the table had nothing to do with who was HOLDING the spoon. The problem was THE SPOON !!!!!!!!
Where did I put my jacket and boots ? I need some snow therapy !!!
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