BUT . . . BUT . . . BUT . . . BUT . . . .. ... ... ... .. ... .. .. ..

I like to think I'm an optimist. All my life I thought I was little Miss Happy Tooth making sunshine and rainbows out of everything BUT now I'm not so sure. I find myself saying things like, "I'd take a walk today BUT" . . .  Or, "I need to start eating healthier BUT " . . .  "I really shouldn't have a second helping of ice cream BUT",  "I do love you BUT" , , ,  You get the picture.  I am trying to present the positive side of a situation where, if I were to be totally honest with myself,  I am REALLY feeling "F'ing" pissed or negative about the whole thing.

Years ago when I was living my "miserable pathetic life", ( which anyone normal would consider blessed),  I felt the need to go into therapy. This was a GOOD thing because as we have discussed in many previous blogs, my brain is a mess. (Many therapists have tried to convince me I am normal, sane, a good person, . . . BUT . . . I know better.)  After "H" and I moved to FL I was becoming particularly unraveled in my marriage. I found a therapist to help me through and she asked me to bring "H" to a session with me.  (I think I have written about this before). When the therapist asked "H" to describe me in one word he immediately said, "NEGATIVE". I was devastated and could not believe that he said that! . . . ME . . . Little Miss Happy Tooth . . . negative?    NO !!!!!!    Impossible !!!!
I am now beginning to think the man was on to something . . .  

I can find any reason to NOT do something and thanks to the word "BUT" I have a clear conscience because, after all, I am WANTING to do whatever . . . BUT . . .  life just isn't allowing it to happen. Who am I to go against the cosmic scheme of life.