If I could stop thinking about "stuff" at 3 AM I wouldn't be so tired but it just seems that my brain likes to go into hyperdrive once the sun goes down. It's as if once the lights go out my brain clicks on just like those bathroom lights in restaurants. You know the ones where you open the bathroom door and look into a pitch black room. You start to wonder where the light switch can be so you start feeling around on the wall by the door figuring a switch should be somewhere close by. When you can't find the switch you take that one step forward to advance your search and SUDDENLY the light comes on and scares the poop right out of you. No more need to go further into the room because you have already done what you intended to do when you came to the restroom.
THAT is what my brain does in the dark. We shut out the bedroom light, turn off the TV and settle down in the dark to close our eyes and sleep but instead my brain POPS on and that is the end of sleep for me.
I almost wrote this blog at 2:30 this morning because that was when I was wandering the house trying to get myself into sleep mode. I thought I was tired when I went to bed but my brain had other thoughts in mind. Thoughts like:
Why does The Man feel the need to talk to me as I am leaving a room? We can spend 7 hours together and not say 2 words to each other but the second I take a step into another room or around a corner he starts talking! Up to this point I have been polite and would turn around and return to where he is sitting but that ship has sailed and sunk! Now I just keep walking and mutter to myself. I can guarantee you that what ever he is saying isn't worth turning around for and if I am lucky he will totally forget what ever life shattering comment he was making by the time I do return to where he is.
Thought #2 . . . Why does The Man have to talk to me in the middle of the night when I get up to pee? We have spent an entire day and evening together. Plenty of time for chatting. I have managed to fall asleep so when I wake up in the middle of the night with the urge to empty my bladder I just want to wander into the bathroom, in the dark, and hopefully do my thing, return to bed and fall back to sleep without entirely waking up. Unfortunately the reason I woke up in the first place was not because my body told me to but because The Man had just been up to pee and his moving around brought me out of a deep sleep. By the time I return to bed he is still awake and wants to have a discussion about what the weather will be in the morning or what we will have for dinner that night. I usually just mumble something and roll over but by then my brain is processing what ever The Man was talking about so I'm awake for the next 3 hours planning dinners and making shopping lists in my head.
Thought #3 . . . Why is it that we focus on the people who do the least for us when we don't appreciate those people who are there for us ALL the time? I have 3 children. Two of these children always check up on me and call. They go out of their way to make sure "mom" is OK and happy. Do I appreciate this? YES but I don't tell them that often enough. Instead which one of my kids is the one I focus on the most? Naturally it is the one who I hear from the least. Why ? It's like the grass that's always greener on the other side of the fence. The people who are with us all the time get the least amount of attention. I am working on that one.
Thought #4 . . . Why did I buy a small chain saw last summer ? I wish I could answer that but I can't. It is a question that I ponder in the wee hours of the morning and I have yet to find an answer, It seemed like a good idea at the time because there are bunches of old apple trees here on the farm that REALLY need to be pruned and trimmed. Those and the 2 lilac bushes need a lot of work so I guess I thought a small chain saw would be a good tool to have. That and the fact that BFF Jeanne has 3 chain saws of various sizes and her yard looks amazing so it made sense that I could do wonders with my chain saw. NOT ! I am terrified of the damn thing. It is small but it just looks vicious to me and every time I pick it up I have visions of spurting blood and missing body parts. Any one in the market for a 10 inch chain saw, never been used?
Thought #5 . . . . Why do I feel that if the sun is shinning I should be outside? It is beautiful up here in the summer and I love being outside but some days I just want to sit in a comfy chair INSIDE and read a book or play on the computer. Today is one of those days. It is so beautiful outside, 78 degrees, blue skies, breeze blowing but I just want to sit in the recliner and write. Working on the computer outside is difficult because I can't see the screen unless I sit in the shade and it is chilly in the shade. Plus the flies like to bite in the shade. So instead I am sitting here in the beautiful parlor feeling guilty that I am not outside. I am justifying being in doors by telling myself I will be outside when I go to mass later this afternoon. But I am still feeling like I am missing an opportunity to enjoy this most amazing day.
Thought #6 . . . Why do I write all this nonsense ? But more importantly . . . Why do YOU waste your time reading it ????? You should be outside enjoying Gods beautiful world not staring at some computer screen !!!
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