THE BURNING BUTT

 Lately life around here has been quite interesting.  More so than usual, if that is possible.  The Man has been in and out of the hospital with his COPD and he is in need of a lot more help that he used to be. This is hard on both of us physically and mentally.  He has lost a lot of weight but he is still heavy enough that my old bones can't manage pushing him around in a wheel chair and lifting the chair in and out of the car. (And yet in spite of all this he still insists that he drive!   Good thing my guardian angel is used to taking care of me.) 

But enough about The Man.  All my blogs seem to revolve around him. Which is not that strange because he provides me with endless sources of material. Today I thought it only fair that I share my latest misadventure with you so you will be reminded that, (I know this will be hard to believe), I am NOT perfect !  (I try to keep that fact to myself but every so often I do something so stupid that it's just too good not to share,

It all started with The Man's latest trip to the hospital for 4 days.  We went to the ER by ambulance because neither he nor I was up to the challenge of getting him out of the house, into the car and into the hospital.  (And if you arrive by ambulance you are seen a LOT quicker.)  Once we were in a room in the ER our job was to sit and wait until someone decided if The Man was going to be kept there or sent home.  It takes as myriad of tests and hours of sitting waiting until a decision is made. In this case it only took 6 hours.  Because the ER is such a busy place they frown on visitors walking around outside of the patients room. No problem there, I am a lazy lump who delights in sitting around while The Man sleeps.  Finally he was sent up to a room and I got to go home to an empty house where I promptly got some snacks and planted myself on the couch to catch up on some serious TV time watching something I wanted to watch. Several hours later I got a few hours sleep and then headed up to the hospital where I proceeded to sit on my butt for the next 3 days. By the time The Man was released my back was in pain.  Hauling the wheel chair and The Man did not help matters.  

So now you have the background story . . .   About 3 days ago my back was really sending me distress signals that it was NOT HAPPY !  I made an emergency visit to the chiropractor but even that wasn't enough to quiet down my muscles. Now it was time to take matters into my own hands.  I know the different "twinges" that occur when my back is in crisis and these were the ones that required ice rather than heat.  I dug an ice pack from the freezer, wrapped it in a towel and stuck it into my underwear where it rode around for the day until it melted.  Having made my back feel better I did the same the following day . . .  with one minor change.   I was in a hurry and didn't wrap the ice pack in a towel, I just went COLD turkey and stuck the damn thing in my underwear and proceeded to sit on the lanai and visit with a friend for an hour or so.  The cold pack felt good sitting and my back felt good also. Later in the day I removed the ice pack that was now melted, stuck it back in the freezer and went to get ready for bed.  

SURPRISE !!!!

I have an 4X6 inch patch of freezer burn on my butt !!!   IT HURTS LIKE HELL !!!!  Frost bite is no joke folks. That patch of skin is as sore as any sunburn I have ever gotten at the beach.  Luckily it is in a place that the world will never see so no one can see what a dumb ass I am.  

The Aloe is working well at calming things down but it will be quite a while before I put another ice pack on my body. 

MORE FUN AND GAMES.

 Some people have fun by jumping out of a plane.  Others might climb onto a raft and race down a raging river.  I just deal with crazy old people to stay entertained each day.  God has placed not one but TWO old folks in my life to entertain me.  I guess taking care of Cousin Lu Lu wasn't enough for me to do penance with, God felt the need to add The Man to my life to fill in the quiet times when Lu Lu isn't driving me nuts.   God was very tricky when he sucked me into sharing my life with The Man.  God gave us several years of travel, cruises and trips to Alaska so that I would get totally immersed in my new life with The Man.  Stupid me fell for it !!  Hook line and sinker.  

Apparently now it is pay back time.  

I firmly believe that God puts us where we are supposed to be. I guess The Man was in need of someone to help him through this COPD adventure. So here I am, once again, sitting in a hospital room staring at my man who is in the hospital bed breathing through a mask that's pumping Oxygen into his lungs.  Funny joke God !

COPD is a crappy way to live.  We go for months/weeks living what's a normal life for us and then WHAM !!!  The Man's breathing goes to shit and we are back in the hospital.  There is nothing I love more than sitting in a hospital room staring at The Man. It'a like going to school . . .   I have to be here but I really do not like it !  But if I am honest maybe I do "enjoy" this just a little?  Being here at the hospital I get to do all the things that I don't usually get to do when I am home.  I can sit and be a lazy lump for the entire day.  I have my computer so I have time to blog.  I get to read the entire newspaper each morning. I have a good book that I don't take enough time to sit and read so now I can read all day while The Man naps or watches TV.  It really isn't such a bad deal.  

Of course there is a down side to all this.  When The Man is sick he gets VERY stubborn.  This is a side of him that I share. Two stubborn people living together can be a disaster.  Usually we do very well together but when he is sick he also gets STUPID !!  Well, now that I think about it he does a LOT of dumb things which is usually what puts him in the hospital.  He doesn't drink enough water.  A quarter of a cup of water a day is NOT enough. If you ask him is he has had a lot of water today he will get pissed and tell you "Of course!"  In his little brain he thinks he is drinking a lot but I know better.  Not drinking gets his kidneys in a tizzy so his feet start to swell. When his feet start to swell it puts pressure on his heart. Add to that his lousy lungs and we have a recipe for disaster.  Not using his breathing machine causes him to retain CO2 in his lungs which then cause his organs to become starved of oxygen and start failing to work properly.  Between the CO2 poisoning and the failing kidneys The Man becomes SO STUBBORN that he won't listen to anyone, (Doctors included) so we end up in the ER where we have to wait for hours and hours. ( I think we are on a first name basis with most of the ER staff. )

Our latest adventure was even more exciting because The Man was so weak we had to call 911 to get the firemen to come take him to the ER.  Luckily I watch enough stupid TV that I know I need to keep a "To Go Bag" for when these emergency trips occur.  (I'm getting so smart) 

We are now situated in a comfy room. The man is enjoying being waited on and I am enjoying not having to wait on him. Except for the twelve thousand things that he needs every two seconds. At 5 or 6 o'clock when I leave here I smile thinking "I'm Free". I wish the nurses "GOOD LUCK" as I merrily skip out to my car.   

            

NIGHT IS FOR SLEEPING

 Night is for sleeping, unless you are a new born baby or a crazy old person.  I have been known to wander around the house at night on those occasions when I can't sleep. If I can't get to sleep or if I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep I will QUIETLY get out of bed and leave the bedroom to wander or sit in my favorite chair to read.  I do NOT start talking to my partner about what I am going to do in the morning, what I will cook for dinner the next day or any other STUPID thing I can think of.  The Man and I will spend ALL day together and not speak.  If The Man speaks to me it is to tell me that his hockey team has a game that night or to ask what's for dinner.  I in turn will attempt to talk to The Man but that is a futile task.  He hears NOTHING that I may be saying and if he does hear me he will go off on one of his tirades where he complains about all the stupid people in the world.  This is not a win-win conversation so I usually just don't talk.  Then after 12 hours of being attached at the hip and saying nothing we will crawl into bed at midnight and he is start talking !!!!  It could be about anything under the sun.  It seems that the bed is the trigger that his brain needs to start working.  I on the other hand climb into bed and totally shut down my brain. (Not that it's ever in high gear but what little thoughts I ever have I quiet them down so I can sleep.). Not easy to do when The Man is sitting up chatting away.  

This condition of night time ramblings is not exclusive to The Man.  Cousin Lu Lu has now decided to call me several times a day AND evening.  If I go to visit her during the day I become #1 on her radar and her phone. I always call her before going to visit so my name and number pop up on her phone screen.  They will remain there until she gets another call. Unfortunately she does not get many phone calls so every time she looks at her phone she sees my name. That's when I get the "Cathie?  Did you just call me?"call. This can occur several times a day. Before she hangs up she always says, "You know you can visit me any time!"   If I don't talk to her for a while she forgets I exist. I love it when that happens.  But I'm still not free and clear.  

The other night I went to bed around 11:30 PM. The Man was still talking but I didn't care. I was tired!!  I had visited Cousin Lu Lu for almost 3 hours that day and I was at the end of my rope.  I told The Man I was going to sleep now so he should save his important thoughts until the morning. (I know full well that he will have totally forgotten what ever it was that NEEDED to be discussed at midnight.). As is typical I turned off the ringer on my phone so I would not be interrupted during the night.  It is bad enough I have Clarabell the clown sleeping next to me, waking me up several times during the night with his bells and whistles on his sleep machine. I do NOT need phone calls from Loopy Lu waking me up at 3 AM.  Good thing I did turn off my phone because when I woke up the next morning I checked my phone and I had 4 messages from calls that came in at 12:45 AM.  The first voice mail was from Lu Lu.   "Cathie,  I can't find Ed". (Ed is her dead husband). Call #2 was from her adult residence. "Lucille is very confused and can't find her husband. Can you come and settle her down." (She apparently woke up looking for Ed and started SCREAMING so that her neighbors called the front desk.). Call #3 was the Jupiter Police.  "Lucille is very upset and threatening to kill herself. Would I please come settle her down." (She did NOT actually say she was going to kill herself, What she said was that she couldn't find her husband, she missed him so much that she want to die to be with him.). The last phone message was from the residence saying they called her aide who got out of bed and went over to the residence in the middle of the night to settle Loopy Lu. She gave her a sedative and that was that.  The aide is a saint!  She is getting paid big bucks for this but she is still a saint. There is no way in Hell I would be getting up and driving all the way over to where Lu Lu lives at 12:30 in the morning.  That is something that I would only do for my children !

The following day I checked in with the aide who is not the least bit fazed by the midnight phone calls.  She says it is part of her job.  God love her.   If that was part of my job I would quit first day in. No amount of money gets me up in the middle of the night to have a discussion with my cousin who is slowly loosing it.  She makes no sense when she is having a good day.  Add a martini at bedtime and she is out in space looking for her dead husband.  The strange thing about all this is that Lu Lu never forgets my phone number. She can't tell you how old she is or what she had for breakfast but she knows who to call when she wants anything.  Last night I took a shower and when I came out at 11:30 PM I had a phone message from you know who.  She left a voice mail.  She was in the "hospital" at her residence and no one would answer her calls. She needed help.  At first I was going to ignore the call but then my conscience got the best of me and I called her back.  The phone rang and rang and rang.  NO answer.  So now my brain gets going, Maybe she IS in the hospital. Maybe she is laying on the floor. Should I get dressed and drive over there? I quickly came to my senses, turned off my phone and went to bed so that The Man could start talking about who knows what.  It is at this point that I excuse myself, grab my iPad and head for my new recliner in the living room where I will sit in the dark playing solitaire until I calm down.  

And I wonder why I'm tired all the time !