I"Ve been watching way too much TV lately. Lawyers, cops, aliens, . . . you name it, I'm watching it. (The perks of living alone. I get to watch what I want whenever I want.). The down side of this is that I am becoming paranoid. My computer and TV seem to be "listening to and/or watching ME ! I think there is spy ware at play. Good thing I don't have any national secrets to hide.
Let me explain. Facebook seems to be the worst or best at tracking my emotions, decisions, choices, life. If I see something on Facebook that looks interesting I may pause to check it out. Natural curiosity if you will. I am wary about opening up things because I know there is a little mole in my computer that is just waiting for me to show an interest in compression socks or whatever. If I pause more than 3 seconds on any given "pop-up" I am guaranteed to be bombarded with an avalanche of web sites and phone calls trying to sell me their brand of whatever. Ads will show up on my phone, in my snail mail, in my "in box" of my e-mail. I will get phone calls trying to sell me things. Billboards on the highway will say, " We know you're shopping for _______, just call us at XXXXXX. . The only thing I have not been subjected to is fliers being dropped from a helicopter that is circling my house.
Apparently the mole is not very intelligent. Not only do I receive offers for the most comfortable sheets in the world, recipes for all sorts of desserts, (I can't imagine why those are sent to me), and a vast assortment of diets and health food suggestions. (Which is quite silly since they are sending all those great, fattening recipes.) For some reason my computer also thinks that I need Nail Fungus cures, (I DO NOT have nail fungus but The Man did), advertisements for chair yoga, (I get at least three of these a day. I had hoped those would stop when I threw out all my chairs), lots of reference material for diabetes treatment, (I DO NOT have diabetes), weight loss and fire blanks for my kitchen. (I swear I have NEVER set fire to my kitchen . . . )
Where in Hell do these things come from ? There is either a hidden microphone in my couch or one of my so called friends is telling tales about me. I guess this is the new age way of pranking. When I was young the "fun" thing to do was to sign up someone you disliked for a years subscription of some stupid magazine like "Hemorrhoid Monthly", Or order a pizza to be delivered to someone you wanted to annoy . My computer is playing with me.
If only I would get some information that would actually be useful to me. I never get advertisements for cleaning products for my house. Apparently my computer thinks I only sit on the couch eating snacks all day and night while soaking my fungus infected feet. I REALLY don't know where they got that idea from. What I could use is helpful information on what is the best cure for insanity. What is a sure fire way of winning the lottery. How can I make a Billion dollars sitting at home watching TV while eating snacks and soaking my fungus infected feet. (REALLY . . . I DO NOT HAVE TOE FUNGUS)
I have searched my house for hidden cameras and microphones. I have signed onto Facebook under a phony name, I stopped answering phone calls from unknown numbers but the "harassment" continues. Can you imagine what it would be like if I actually bought one of the "suggested" items. I would never hear the end of it.
(PS . . . in case you are tracking all that I say and do I REALLY could use some help with that lottery winning information. )
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