For most of my life I have used the phrase "I'm loosing it" to express my mental state. When the kids were growing up and I was racing from one soccer field to another with a stop at the little league field before running into the store to get food so I could go home to make dinner before Husband arrived home I would often say "I'm loosing it". And often I WAS loosing it. Just hanging on by a thread to get through another day. I don't miss that part of my life.
Now I have entered into another phase of life where I am loosing EVERYTHING except my mind. (My mind was lost all those years ago which is leaving a lot of room for me to totally focus on all the other things I can manage to loose. )
Last night as I was searching for my glasses, which normally are sitting on my face but for some reason I had taken them off so now they were among the missing. I think it was my eyesight that was the first to slowly drift off into the mysterious fog of aging. I was in my 40's when I realized I could no longer read the writing on a can of soup or a box of cereal. I was now that woman in the grocery store stretching my arm as far as it would go trying to bring the item in question into focus. I gave in and bought "cheaters" by the dozen so I could leave a pair of reading glasses in every room of the house. And still I would loose them. Desperation set in and I made my first appointment with an eye doctor. I have progressed to wearing bifocal glasses full time for distance and reading. But when I take them off I always manage to loose them.
Next to go was my hearing. That one really sucks ! At first I couldn't hear the grand kids clearly. Now I am to the point where I can't hear ANYONE clearly. It is super frustrating that I am wearing hearing aids but after ten years they are not helping very much. Time to loose some money and get new high tech ones.
Which while we are speaking of "loosing" money I am also loosing teeth and those puppies cost a FORTUNE to fix and/or replace. Holy crap ! I mean inflation has affected everyone but for goodness sake, teeth, eyes and ears are pretty essential to life so can't we get a break here. It seems that the magic number for purchasing teeth and hearing aids starts around six thousand dollars and goes up from there, I can't afford to loose any more body parts that are not covered by insurance. Another few years and I will be the homeless, toothless, deaf old lady sitting on a park bench with my bag of junk that I carry everywhere because if I put it down I will loose it.
As for other body parts I have lost there are several. I "lost" my tonsils at age 3. progressed on to my 40's when things really started falling apart, Knee, shoulder, gall bladder, several female parts and new pieces of my heart My body is like a topographical map of Tibet. Lines of scars all over the place.
The latest area of loss is my hair. I always had thick hair. Now it is as thin as hair on a snake. Every time I wash my hair I collect a wad of hair from the drain. If I had been smart I could have started weaving a fur coat from the hair I've lost. I can't wear dark color clothes because the falling hair lands on my shirts making me look like a wooly bear caterpillar. Only problem is this caterpillar is never going to turn into a butterfly. Instead I will remain a hairless, blind, toothless, deaf moth. Now there's something to look forward to.
Moving on to other losses in my life. I have lost my youth. Which really isn't lost, it's just hidden inside this old body. Because youth is a state of mind I am never going to lose that.
Sadly though, the worst thing about aging is the loss of people in my life. I am so blessed to have so many amazing people as part of my life. Unfortunately none of us live forever so when I "loose" someone close to me it hurts. No amount of money can replace those we love. Which is a good thing because after all these other "losses" I have no money left.
Time keeps moving on and I keep loosing "things". The one and only thing I have not lost is weight !
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