WINTER IN THE WOODS AND A MOUSE IN MY SHOE

 Even though it technically is not winter for another month and ten days if there is snow on the ground it is winter to me.   Since it has to be cold for it to snow and winter is the coldest season of the year then if there is snow it has to be winter!   

Two nights ago it snowed. Not a lot but enough to cover the grass and the driveway. I got up Sunday morning to a winter scene right out of a Norman Rockwell painting.  Red barn, white snow, grey sky. I was like a kid on Christmas morning!!  I can't tell you how excited I was to see snow.  I have been living in Florida for 25 years so that's how long it has been since I saw that fluffy white stuff.   

As the day went on the snow melted and everything returned to the drab grey and brown of winter. I put on my sneakers and walked out to the mail box and realized there was still some patches of snow in the woods along the driveway. There was still a hint of magic amid the trees.  It was COLD, not Alaska cold but cold for anyone from Florida. It felt wonderful !!  My nose was red and running, my hand were cold even inside my gloves and I could see my breath.  It felt awesome.  I got the mail and returned to the house feeling like I needed to make hot chocolate and popcorn.  (A traditional snow day ritual from our New York days.  I did make some hot chocolate but held back on the popcorn. ) 

Later that evening or in the early hours of Monday morning it began to snow again.  It snowed ALL DAY off and on.  Some times it looked like a blizzard and other times there was just a tiny bit of snow blowing around. I knew I HAD to get out there and experience this first hand.  There was about an inch and a half covering everything. The trees were heavy with snowy branches and the woods were all white. It was beautiful!

I decided that with an inch of snow I didn't want to get my sneakers wet so I went in search of my hiking boots that I had brought to Michigan about 6 years ago. (No need for heavy boots in Florida.). These are heavy, ankle high boots that I had bought a zillion years ago when our family took month long trips out west in our pop up camper. I used them on Girl Scout camping adventures and many other occasions.  They were well broken in and quite comfortable.  Perfect for a snowy day in the UP.   I knew exactly where I had put them so I headed into the second bed room and sure enough there they were on the bottom shelf of my shoe stand.  They looked just like when I had left them all those years ago.  I pulled them out and stuck my hand into one to see if I needed to put my orthotics into them. 

YIKES !!!!!!!!    

There inside my shoe was a mouse nest. (Thank goodness the mouse had vacated the property a while ago.). Stuart Little did leave behind a mess of chewed up paper and a handful of seeds. Apparently my boot made for a nice warm home during the winters that The Man and I were in Florida.  The second boot was fine, no evidence of little critters homesteading in there.  Once I cleaned out the boot and put in my orthotics we were good to go.  ALMOST . . . It seems that over the years not only has my belly grown in girth but my feet have splayed out and elongated.  My toes are now crammed into a space much too small for my big, flat feet.  But I was determined to go for a walk in the snow so cram I did !!!!  Wool socks made things even tighter but I got those boots on and out I went into the winter wonderland.  No one had walked in the snow except for some animals. I found rabbit tracks, deer tracks and either a dog or more likely coyote tracks.  The turkeys must be hunkered down trying to stay warm.  I walked all over the property enjoying all the changes in the landscape thanks to the snow. I walked out to see if the pond was starting to freeze and sure enough there is a film of ice covering the water.  

Heading back to the house my boots kept my feet nice and dry. My scarf that my friend Jeanne had knitted for me kept my neck warm and my hat that I crocheted years ago had my ears and head staying nice and toasty. My winter coat, like my boots, is a zillion years old, bought years and years ago from REI.  That coat has seen most of the US and has been amazing. It has pockets all over it, is light weight yet is so very warm even on the coldest of days.  (And if I remember correctly it was on sale when I bought it.). 

I will leave those boots here when I return to Florida.    #1.  They really don't fit anymore.     #2. I still have no need for hiking boots in Florida.  And #3. Where will the mice live if I take my boots away??

BUZZ KILL

 If ever there was anyone who could throw a wet blanket on me it is The Man.  Things are getting tougher for him every day and that equals my life getting harder.  I'm not g going to say I am not complaining because I AM !!!!  

There has been a big change in The Man over the last 12 months.  His breathing has gotten so much worse and his stamina is at an all time low.  Yet he carries on. And so must I.  I have always believed and continue to believe that God has put me here for a reason. But Good God it isn't easy.  

I am here in the upper reaches of Michigan for the winter.  I have a perfectly good condo in Florida, (Which my daughter and her family are living in because their beautiful, big house has become a Petri dish for mold. Their floors, ceilings and walls are being torn up and replaced with hopes of getting rid of the mold.  So they moved into my condo for a couple of months.  I  do believe that this too is part of Gods plan. Even if I wanted to jump ship and run back to my home I can't because there is no room for me.  

So here I am !  I really don't mind being here on the farm in the cold.  It's wonderful to take a walk and not be sweating like a pig. (Do pigs really sweat?). The sunsets are amazing and the people are so lovely. Even The Man is happy here in his home.  Mostly . . .   because his breathing is so much worse that makes him VERY anxious.  And when he is anxious he is short tempered and stubborn as a mule. (I do know mules really ARE stubborn.)  I understand all this but it sure as hell is not fun to deal with.  I am feeling like I did when living with Husband, never relaxed, always on edge waiting for the next explosion.  (The men in my life have never really exploded. They leave that to me. Instead there are "the looks" and the "silence" which is almost worse. 

Anyway,  tonight I got a surprise phone call from my oldest child and his wife.  They were calling to ask if I would like them to fly from Atlanta, GA to MI at Christmas and visit for a couple of days.  WOOPIE !!!!  My son has been to the farm for a few hours when he was on a business trip up this way but my daughter-in-law and grand daughter have never experienced being a Yooper.  (A person who lives in the UP). I would LOVE LOVE LOVE them to all come to see this wonderful place.  They will not stay with us, they will rent a car, they will arrive Christmas evening and stay for 2 full days before returning home.  

Because I am staying up here until February and will miss spending the holidays with my family so this is a WONDERFUL gift.  I was so excited !!!!  When we got off the phone The Man was napping so I kept myself from running around the house all excited.  My DIL said they would check out flights and hotels and dates and let me know what they come up with.  We would talk again before final arrangements were made.     

When You Know Who got up from his nap I let him adjust to being awake, I offered him a Bloody Mary and I started dinner. When I handed him his drink I sat down and told him about my phone call from GA.  I totally played it down knowing full well what the response would be. (The Man does NOT like change).

Sure enough, true to form The Man got all excited and upset. I could hear his mind working over time. He was finding all the reasons why my family should not come to visit me for Christmas. There were a thousand "What Ifs".  I deflected every one of them with sanity and reason.  Then he tried, "I really wish you had discussed this with me before making a commitment."  HELLO !!!!  What do you think we are doing sitting here ???????????   Good Grief Charlie Brown !  

Normally I would have given him a "whatever, I know you don't like change, I'll tell them not to come" but for crying out loud . . . give me a break.  I am here for the winter, giving up the Hollidays with my kids and he is going to piss about 2 days?  I DO understand he is not wanting to share me, it is a minor change but my kids are not going to be sitting at the kitchen table staring at us for hours on end like the "helpers" that are here 7 days a week. These women come in, sit down at the kitchen table and do not move unless you specifically ask them to do something. But I digress . . . 

Anyway,  My son and family are coming to MI at Christmas with or without the "blessing" of The Man.  I will go spend 2 days in a hotel with them if they are not welcome here. (I know that won't happen) But for heavens sake I need to get this man on Prozac !!!!!

SNEAKY APPLE CRISP

 Being in Michigan in Autumn is lovely.  When I first got here in mid October it was actually warm, quite sunny and delightful to be outside.   That has all changed.  Here we are on November second and I wore my winter coat and gloves to church this morning.  The day looks like it could snow but it's really not quite cold enough.  It's the perfect day to bake something. And since we have many, many apple trees what ever is going to be baked will include apples.  For some strange reason there were only about 3 of the 17 apple trees that actually produced apples this year.  Last year we had so many apples from all the trees most of them were eaten by the deer. There are just so many apple things to make before you can't stand the sight of one more recipe for apple what ever.  

This year we only had 2 trees produce apples.  One of the trees is on the edge of the property and I am told by The Man that those apples aren't very good. (I have eaten them right off the tree and they were delicious.)  The second tree is right outside the bedroom window so The Man can check it daily. This particular tree is his favorite and he thinks that the apples it produces are the best in the world. (I do agree, the are wonderful.) 

 It has taken me 3 weeks to settle in here at the farm,  catch up on my sleep and get readjusted to living with The Man.   I am sleeping GREAT but I think it will take A LOT longer to get used to you know who.  His COPD continues to worsen so we are home most of the time.  He has only gone out once since I have been here. He passes the time sitting on his kitchen chair watching TV and critiquing every thing I do.  

Apparently I have become senile and can't wash a dish or cook a meal without much input from his royal highness.  From his kitchen chair he has a direct line of sight into the kitchen so he can watch my every move. I am constantly being told where things are, (I have been coming here for 9 years so I think I pretty much know where to find just about anything.  Except my sanity.), and how to put the coffee into his cup and how to wash a dish without using any water. (Houdini couldn't perform THAT act.  God forbid I fill up the septic tank with a bowl of dish water.). 

Anyway . . .  I decided today would be a great day to bake something Apple.  I made the mistake of saying this out loud. And so it began. 

 TM:         " Don't make a lot. It's only the 2 of us here. You always make too much."                                              ME:          "OK. I'll cut the recipe in half."                                                                                                         TM:           "Even that's  too much."                                                                                                                   ME:           " Well dear, I can only cut it down so much. How do I cut an egg in half?"  (The recipe did not                      call for an egg but it suited my argument.)                                                                                                   TM:           "mumble mumble mumble"                                                                                                          

You can fill in the rest of the conversation because it just went around in circles for the next ten minutes. He finally gave up after remembering that I was going to do what I wanted no matter what he says. Rather than admit defeat he went into the bedroom to lie on the bed and watch football. (or take a nap). 

I gave him about 45 minutes to fall asleep and prepared myself for some ninja baking.  I figured I would take full advantage of his absence to bake some apple crisp in the BIG pan so that I can put some of it in containers and freeze it for mid winter when all the apples have rotted and I am craving something sweet but "healthy" (?)  I mean, hey, it's made with apples and oats. It's got to be a little healthy. I just won't  think about the sugar and butter.

Right now the house smells wonderful. The apple crisp is done and The Man is still in the bed room.  With any luck I can sneak some of the crisp into the freezer and wash the big pan before TM comes out into the kitchen.  What he doesn't know won't hurt him. 

And I won't need to take an extra Valium !

WHY ?????

 Do you have a garbage "can", bag, box in your kitchen?  You know, the thing that you throw scraps into; empty food containers, used paper towels, anything that doesn't go into the recycling container. I can't imagine a kitchen in the world that doesn't have someplace in their kitchen to throw the garbage.  Furthermore I would assume that if you have a trash can in your kitchen you actually USE it !  Unless you are The Man.

Since I have been coming to the farm there has been a big, fancy trash container standing in the kitchen right next to the stove.  It is an expensive one. It looks nice and it keeps the stinky garbage from smelling up the house. Especially these days when it is never used.  When I first started coming up here all garbage went into the kitchen trash container but somewhere along the way The Man decided he didn't want to use. that trash receptacle because the bag in it is too expensive to buy and too big to carry to the garbage can outside at the end of the drive way.  The bag is NOT too heavy nor is it too hard to carry. According to The Man it takes up too much space in the garbage can so that when the garbage man comes every 2 weeks there is too much trash in the can. 

Please read that paragraph again !

Picture an industrial size garbage can. That is what sits at the end of the driveways and gets emptied every 2 weeks by Delta Trash Company.  Delta has garbage trucks that have a robotic arm that lifts the can, dumps its contents in their truck and replaces the can where it was. You could probably put a piano in the trash can and the truck could lift and empty the can.  But according to The Man the plastic "tall kitchen bag" is too big for the outside trash container. His solution is to use twelve thousand small plastic grocery bags that he hangs on the side of one of the kitchen cabinet. We need an endless supply of these bags which are saved from whatever store we shop in. The Man even went so far as to put a hook on the cabinet so the bag won't fall off. (The last few years since this genius idea occurred to The Man the "Walmart" bags have been looped over the cabinet door which often resulted in the bag falling on the floor and dumping everything all over the kitchen. So now we have a hook!). These 12 thousand small plastic bags are not biodegradable and they will blow around the city dump for eons. As opposed to ONE larger plastic bag. Not only that but instead of having to take the trash out every 2 or 3 days we are taking out small bags 2 or 3 TIMES a day.  Good exercise for me.  

I have yet to figure out the sense in any of this. But as with everything else dealing with The Man HE is master of his domaine and what ever genius idea he comes up with THAT is what will be.  

Unfortunately I am having a hard time understanding or accepting these idiotic ideas of his. My 4 month "vacation "ALONE"  in Florida for my heart surgery gave me a reality check on normal.  Up here on the farm I am constantly biting my tongue to keep from slapping you know who up side his head.  Good thing I get to walk out to the garbage can several times a day to cool down.

Which brings up another issue.  The temperature in this house is like a sauna. I am wearing shorts and tank tops in the house and sweat shirts and jeans when I go out side.  I can not imagine what the temperature in here will be when it REALLY gets cold outside.  I am spending much of my time out in the parlor because there is no heat out here.  It is WONDERFUL !  Lots of windows with lots of sunshine. This room is one of the perks of coming here and it provides an escape for me because The Man's oxygen hose will not reach this far !!!

OH SHEETS

 How many ways are there to make a bed?  I'm sure if you are a member of the military you will say there is only ONE way to perform this task. But if you are a home health aide you will prove that wrong.  

I never realized how a simple task of putting sheets on a bed could be so challenging. Even just making the bed in the morning seems to be a job that requires a doctorate in engineering.  My mother is rolling over in her grave for sure.

When The Man came up to Michigan this year he arranged with the VA to provide helpers 3 days a week. They come any where between 9AM and noon and spend three hours here "helping" with laundry, light house keeping and odds and ends that The Man needs done. Some will go grocery shopping but that usually doesn't go well.  Some how or other a package of napkins can substitute for a roll of toilet paper or a box of tissues.  We are never sure of exactly what will be bought and brought home. I find this all pretty amusing but The Man finds little humor in it. 

Today we had a "new" girl show up as our helper.  The Man does not like it when the VA substitutes someone for his regular "girl".  He hates having to train someone new. There are very specific ways some things must be done and trying to get a new person familiar with where things like brooms, vacuums and other items are located is very irritating for him. So today when the door opened an hour later than the normal arrival time of Jamie and a total stranger stood there "we" were already annoyed.  Because there really wasn't that much to do today and the fact that this girl had never been here before "we" decided to keep it simple. I was on my way out to the chiropractor so I hadn't made our bed yet. I figured this would be an easy task and it would give the girl something to do.  She asked if she needed to wash the sheets and I told her that was not necessary. If she could just pull up the sheet and comforter that would be great. Off I went.

When I arrived home an hour later the helper was already gone. She was supposed to stay until 1:00 and it was only 12:15 when I returned. This was not a good sign so I knew things had not gone well. The first thing The Man said when I came in the house was, "Look at the bed!  Can you believe THAT is how she made the bed!"   Sure enough, he had good reason to be upset.  The bed looked like a herd of buffalo had stampeded across the room. Sheets were all scrunched up, pillows tossed willy nilly and the comforter was hanging half on the floor.   A blind, one armed chimpanzee could have done a better job.  But is that wasn't enough, The Man told me he asked the girl to sweep the kitchen floor and she asked if she should sweep UNDER the table.  That totally blew his mind.  

As bad as that was the best one occurred a couple of weeks ago before I got here. It was a Wednesday, which has become "change the sheets day". There were clean sheets all ready to be put on the bed when the others were put in the washer to be ready for next week.  The man sent the girl in to put the clean sheets on the bed, which she did. That evening when The Man went to climb into bed there was no flat sheet on top of the fitted sheet. He couldn't imagine where the flat sheet could be. He then realized that the "helper" had put the flat sheet on the bed first and put the fitted sheet over it !!!!  

Apparently these "young" people, who are in their 30's and 40's, must live under a rock and never learned how to make beds or sweep a floor. Heaven forbid we ever ask them to do something complicated like putting  dishes away.  I do think the world is in major trouble if this is what will someday be "in charge". 

Or is it just up here in the UP?  They make fun of the weirdos in Florida.  I think that even though the swamp people of Florida have fewer teeth they do have a bit more smarts. 

SOLITUDE

 I LOVE being alone.   No one to have to share a space with. No one to interrupt my thoughts or actions. No one to cook for. No one to "supervise" my every move. I feel like a fish in a fish bowl. There are ALWAYS eyes watching me AND commenting on EVERYTHING I do. I feel like an amoeba under a microscope.  

At the moment I am in my sanctuary sitting in the dark where I hope to go unnoticed for the next hour or more.  I just finished cleaning up dinner, grabbed my laptop and told The Man I was going to sit out in the parlor and "check my e-mail".  Of course he had 42 different things to tell me that he had apparently not thought of while we were eating dinner. These thoughts only come into his head when I am leaving the room. 

It is interesting that The Man who called me EVERY NIGHT for 5 months has nothing to say unless it is to tell me how to wash a dish or make a bed. He honestly does not know what he is doing. Yesterday I was making him a sandwich for his lunch and he started telling me how to put the ham and cheese on the bread. SERIOUSLY !!!    I told him to settle down,  if he didn't like how I made his sandwich he could do it himself.  He was taken back that I had a thought of my own and actually voiced it because I usually just give him an "OK" and go on doing what I'm doing. He apologized later but I still don't think he realizes just how "up tight" he is. 

The Man needs to be on anti anxiety meds but he tried them once for 2 days and decided he didn't l ike the way they made him feel.  As if they would have started working that quickly. I have met my match in being stubborn. And he isn't even a Taurus or German.  I thought Norwegians were supposed to be very easy going. 

The past week has been interesting. Getting used to sharing a space and not eating what I want when I want is a challenge. The good thing is that I can escape if I want to and head for town. The poor guy isn't going out much so I can suddenly decide I am out of tooth paste so I need to take a trip to the dollar store. My trips to the dollar store are a high point of my life in Michigan.  The place is such a "junk shop" but they have EVERYTHING. I love walking up and down the aisles checking out all the dumb stuff. Yesterday I bought a $4 Christmas tree. Complete with decorations and lights.  It's only 3 feet tall but that is all we need. I also bought an ugly $4 wreath and some ribbon to dress it up. 

In case you're wondering, Yes, I am already loosing my mind !  And I have only been here 10 days. Lord help me by the time February rolls around when I get to go home. I will be a stark raving lunatic !!!!! But I will have lots of Dollar Store junk to bring home with me. 

THE LORD AND MASTER

 Once again The Man is reigning over his kingdom. He sits upon his throne, (the red naugahyde kitchen chair) and rules his roost.  (Maybe I should have titled this blog "The Rooster")  I think I may buy him a crown and scepter for Christmas.  Oooo. and a red velvet cape.  Then he really would look like the king of the castle!    Anything has to be better than underwear and a tee shirt greeting me first thing in the morning.

The Man has been living "on his own" (with his nephew 24 hours a day and aids coming in 3-4 hours EVERY day) for the past 6 months.  He has totally forgotten everything I "taught" him and has reverted to his primal state of giving orders to everyone and anyone.  I AM NOT A HAPPY CAMPER !!  It has taken me nearly 10 years of "training" to get The Man to a point where he does not have to direct my every move. And now, we are back at square one. 

I am sure all the helpers who come in are in need of directions.  Because common sense no longer exists it has become necessary to give step by step directions on how to change the toilet paper roll, how to boil water, how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and numerous other simple tasks. It boggles my mind how these people can function in the world on their own.  The best one was the girl who changed the sheets on the bed and put the flat sheet on first with the fitted sheet over it.  GOOD LORD !!!   

Well this is surely the place to come because The Man thrives on giving directions.  He gets up in the morning, gets his cup of coffee and begins makings a list of things he wants the helpers to do.  Then, like a spider in its web, he waits for the first unsuspecting fly to enter his kitchen.  From that point on the helper is not allowed to do ANYTHING without the step by step instructions of The King.  

 I am not picking on The Man because I realize that he wants things done a certain way in his home. I feel the exact same way when someone is helping me in my house.  The difference between the 2 of us is in how the asking is done.  I will ask someone to grab the dishes and put them on the table.  The Man will start with something like this:  "You see that cabinet over there?"  (no pointing or any other indication of what cabinet he is talking about.). "Go to the cabinet and open the door. Reach inside and take out 2 dishes, the big ones with the flowers on them,  and bring them to the table. Don't forget to close the cabinet door.  Put one of the dishes on this side of the table and put the second one across from it."          By the time he gives all his directions dinner has burned.  

The Man does this will EVERYTHING as I have mentioned numerous times in numerous blogs. But after his living "alone" and me living alone for 6 months I am out of practice on keeping my patience.  The minute he starts with giving me directions I want to reach across the room and slap him silly.  This morning was a perfect example.  I wanted to wash the bath mats and towels from the bathroom.  I have been here a week and these items are looking like they have not been washed since the last time I was here six months ago.   The helpers have learned, as have I, not to do anything without first asking permission.  (It gives The Man the illusion of "being in charge". You and I know better.).  I am sure that the helpers have never given a thought to washing the mats and if they had I know The Man would have told them "no, they're fine."   So I gathered the mats and towels and walked into the throne room where I said to the king, " I would like to wash all these mats and towels. Is that OK with you?"  Naturally he knew the correct answer was "Yes. They really need washing."  

Now because the idea wasn't his to start with I now had to endure the endless directions on how to wash a towel. (As if I have never done this in my 80 years on earth.) The Man went through his step by step directions to  make sure I knew how to turn on the washer and what the settings should be on the machine. You would be SO proud of me.!  I just let him talk, (I did not bother to listen but I gave a good performance.). I washed the items exactly the way I have been for years on end. Thanked The Man for his help and went into the bedroom to scream into my pillow.

I think there may be a "come to Jesus" moment where I explain to The Man that I do not like him thinking he is the only one around here who knows how to do anything. And basically he should just SHUT THE HELL UP!   

OR

WE will just continue on as we have for the last 10 years where he thinks he's in charge but you, me and the man in the moon all know who's REALLY running this show.