HAPPY ?? NEW YEAR

 I guess it is fitting that tonight, in the very last hours of the very last day of this year gone to hell, that I should be feeling a bit "low" and in need of some solitude.  All this self quarantine crap and not being able to travel is taking its toll on my brain. Tonight I find myself wanting to go sit outside in the dark and just let my brain settle.  The Man does not understand this need so I am doing the next best thing . . . I'm sitting in my recliner in the darkened living room while The Man watches basketball on TV.  It's not ideal but it is better than jumping off a cliff or driving off into the sunset.  

Depression is a bitch.  It creeps up on you when you least expect it and knocks your feet out from under you. Good thing I don't get depressed.  I just get cranky, and nasty and obnoxious, which is much worse for those around me.  

I believe my "mood" stems from last night and my failure to get a decent night's sleep. We went to bed early enough but because The Man had slept for THREE hours in the afternoon he was wide awake when all I wanted to do was climb under the covers and go to sleep.  Because I am a wuss I didn't tell him to go out into the living room if he wanted to watch TV.  Instead I found a movie on the bedroom TV and then proceeded to stress myself out because the movie WE settled on was a war movie.  Have you ever tried to sleep through a battle scene in a movie?  It isn't easy.  Guns blazing, cannons firing, planes dropping bombs . . .   not your most zen environment.  I did the best I could, told The Man I was going to sleep and dug down deep under the covers with a pillow over my head.  I was so tired that I actually was falling asleep when all of a sudden The Man pulled the covers back and asked me, out loud, "Have you seen my clicker?"  It was at that moment that he nearly was nearly beat to death with a clicker IF I indeed knew where it was.  I muttered something that in my head translated to, "WHAT THE F - - - ARE YOU THINKING?" but at that moment he found the missing clicker sitting on top of the covers on his side of the bed so he didn't quite get the gist of my muttering.  I would have rolled over in a huff except I can't roll over on this shoulder of mine so I just pulled the covers back up over my head and continued to curse until I finally fell asleep.  Because I had gone to sleep cursing I did not have a good night's sleep.  My dreams were angry and I woke up often. So much for trying to go to bed early.  

Today I was up early having had a lousy night's sleep. It was a quiet day and once again The Man took a long nap in the middle of the day.  I get that he needs his rest but when he naps he then wants to stay up late at night.  I have found that if I sleep during the day I don't sleep well at night. There are plenty of days that I do enjoy his schedule but last night was just not one of those times.  I'm desperate for some solitude!  A week alone would do me worlds of good. No TV, or if I had the TV on it would not be playing Fox News, sports, westerns, hunting or war movies.  I would love to sit and watch some sappy movie and cry my way through three boxes of tissues.  We DO have 2 TV's but like Husband this Man does not like to be in a room alone.  If I go into the other room he will show up within minutes and want to watch something stupid.  If I say I'm in the middle of watching something I get the puppy dog eyes and then suggests that he will go shower and maybe when he is done we can put on something we can watch together. 

What is with this togetherness shit ???  Good God !  Can they do NOTHING ALONE ???? We go to the store together, when I'm making dinner he comes over and sits at the kitchen counter to "keep me company", when he goes anywhere he wants me to come with him.  Arggggggggggggggggggg

And I am complaining because I have someone who cares for me. . .   Couldn't they just care a little more by themselves? 

So, New Years Eve is a bust.  Not that we are party folk anyway but I do enjoy a good meal out, (A trip to Burger King still does not count as "dinner out"),  or drive to the beach or SOMETHING other than eat, sleep, watch TV.  But then I guess that is still much better than being in a hospital with Covid-19 or being dead so I will make the best of it and hopefully get a better night's sleep tonight. 

I've got to go now because I'm going to hide the TV clickers out on the lanai with hopes that The Man will find something else to do besides watching TV.  Or maybe not . . . The TV does keep him from bugging me. 

SNAIL MAIL FAIL

 My grand kids watch "Fails" on YouTube.  Up until about 3 years ago I had no idea what at "fail" was. It appears that this new generation finds it way too difficult to speak in complete sentences and use complete words. Thanks to texting, the vocabulary of the average person under the age of thirty is made up of random letters strung together. Every word and sentence must be shortened to save time. "Failure" becomes "fails",  "merchandise" becomes "merch",  "laughing out loud"becomes"LOL" and of course "Oh My God" becomes OMG.   I get that when texting we must save the delicate fingers of our young people from the exhausting task of tapping a screen but shortening words when we speak is just plain stupid and lazy.  (Personally I think that when kids write they abbreviate because they can't spell for shit. Even with "auto correct" and voice activated text messages. )

But that's not the point of todays blog.  Today I am pissed and puzzled by our United States Postal Service which is also know as the "USPS".  (Do you know how many times I mix USPS with the delivery company "UPS" ?  On several occasions I have called either one or the other of these two companies trying to track down a package only to be told, by a very condescending voice, "I'm sorry Mam, but the tracking code you have given me is not one of ours. Your package is not being shipped by us."  The first time this happened I of course accused the nice person on the other end of the line of being an idiot until I realized that it was ME who was the idiot.)

Anyway . . .  Like all else that has been going on in our world these last couple of generations "Service" is not something that anyone appears to take pride in.  Our pride in doing a job well has totally disappeared. I think it started back in the 1950's with the demise of the gas station attendant. Whether the job of putting gas into your car was too demeaning for a person to do or the gas companies decided they needed to make even more money for themselves by taking a job away from some poor worker it was the beginning of the end of civilization and service.  (You know it was the gas companies fault. It's always about the money!)

So now in 2021 we are left with a world where no one wants to work for a living.  Everyone, (almost everyone) just wants to get paid for sitting home on their fat butts playing video games or texting all day.  And because they have nothing else to do they must find quick and easy ways to make their lives move faster.  It doesn't make any sense when you think about it but it seems to be the truth. 

Sadly WE in the "normal" world are left with the end result of all this "quickness" and lack of pride or ability to provide service to others. The perfect example of this is The United States Postal Service, (which I will refer to as "USPS"). To put it blankly and frankly, the USPS sucks BIG TIME !!!  

What I really don't get is how in this day and age of such advanced technology the task of getting a piece of mail from point A to point B is so difficult?  We no longer have to give said letter to a young man on a horse who will then gallop across our country while being pursued by Indians and wild buffalo, riding day and night, swapping out half dead horses at various points along the way. It would take a week for your letter to get from New York to California but it DID get there!  

Now a days we send a letter, (do I need to describe exactly what a "letter" is to anyone out there?) to a friend or family member and it takes three weeks to go from Florida to Georgia.  If I glued said letter on the back of a sea turtle in Florida it would probably get to Massachusetts faster.   

What the Hell is going on USPS ?????  You require me to spend a fortune in stamps and that still doesn't get my mail to where it's going !   If Amazon can get a couch to my front door in two days why can't the USPS get a Christmas card to a child?

The Man and I were so well prepared for this Christmas season it was frightening.  We were proactive in buying gifts and getting them into the mail for those family members who live in Michigan and Alaska.  We KNEW the USPS would be slow in doing their job but never did we expect them to be this slow and incompetent.  I have had problems in the past couple of years getting birthday cards to my own grand kids who live five minutes away. I put the card in the mail box and it disappears !!  Sucked into the Black Hole of our postal service. So at this point neither The Man or myself have any faith or trust in this great American institution. ( It IS part of our government so why I would expect anything less than complete failure?). It is like one of those math questions on the SAT's where if a train leaving from point "A "travels at X number of MPH in a Westerly direction and a train leaving from point "B" travels  . . .    You get the idea. Now we have the problem of, "If Christmas Card "A" leaves our house at the exact same day and time as Christmas Card "B" and both cards are traveling from the same post office in Florida to the same address and last name in Alaska AND Michigan WHY is there a problem ????  In BOTH cases only ONE of the cards arrived at the address they were headed for.  Did the postal workers in these two states decided that only one card per family can be delivered ???  

We sent Christmas Cards to each of The Man's 2 Alaska grand daughters at the same time on the same day from the same Post Office.  Both girls have the same last name.  Both girls live at the same address with their dad. They have lived at this address for probably ten years. Yet one card arrives and the second card goes missing !  The card that did arrive took TWO weeks to get from Florida to Alaska.  "Well" you might say, " it IS traveling Three Thousand Miles". But that actually should get it there faster because things going into Alaska ALL fly there.  It is much cheaper to fly stuff from the lower 48 than to put it on a truck or a train. So using this logic it SHOULD get there faster !?  As confusing as that is how about the two Christmas Cards that we sent to The Man's two grand daughters in Michigan. This gets much more complicated with different addresses, different towns, different last names but still . . . How can one card  arrive at its destination a week later and the second card go completely missing after two and a half weeks?   And WHY does it take a card traveling from Florida to Michigan take a WEEK to get there?  The Man and I drive that distance every May and October and it only takes us THREE days.  Is the USPS playing tricks on us ??  

I am totally pissed and puzzled !  Or should I say, "I'm totally P & P".  (Do you know that typing "P & P" takes more time than tying out the words, "pissed and puzzled"?  It's a fact !)

THANKS COVID IT WAS A GREAT CHRISTMAS !

 Was it a crazy year . . . Sure was !!    Everyone can agree on that.   Between politics and pandemic the year basically sucked, plain and simple.   I don't know if we will ever entirely recover from either one but both of these things were a long time coming and long over due.  They were the wake up call we all needed . . . plain and simple . . .   we have let ourselves forget what it is to LIVE well.  We have all forgotten how to be kind, how to relax, how to get our priorities straight.  We have become so wrapped up in the "Hurry Hurry" world that we have forgotten the importance of being human. 

Enter Covid 19 . . .  Everything came to a screeching halt last March and we were all knocked on our butts. We even forgot our political differences for a short while until we got back to playing the "Blame Game".  ( Side note . . .  And this goes for ALL of us . . .  suck it up, admit when you are wrong and move on PRODUCTIVELY !!!!!  Stop pointing fingers and blaming everyone for everything and start looking at yourself. Find answers and solutions within yourself rather pissing and moaning about what you DON'T like. ALWAYS find the good in everything. )

So we all found ourselves at a dead stop in life.  Isolation became the norm and with it we were forced to slow down our pace and re evaluate what was important.  (Apparently toilet paper was at the top of that list!)  We suddenly found ourselves with a LOT of time on our hands.  We rediscovered things we have been putting off for years. Cleaned out closets, baked until we gained forty pounds, read books, started crafting again and played board games. It was an almost good version of the Apocalypse.  People started finding humor in life again and we remembered how to laugh even when we were scared and worried. The exhaustion of the season wasn't there this year. The pace was slower and people became happier.

And AMAZON made a fortune!

Because we had been "Self Quarantined" for months we learned how to reinvent our lives.  Shopping on line became a daily adventure. We created billions of jobs for Amazon workers and we spent a small fortune, using money that we did NOT spend on driving all over creation each and every day.  How amusing that we experienced the lowest gas prices in decades but had no where to go. Instead we sat at our computers and searched endlessly for the perfect Christmas gifts for our loved ones.  We got creative !  With an endless source of ideas at our fingertips we found really unique things.  And we found them EARLY in the season.  Almost everyone I have spoken to has said that this was the most relaxed Christmas EVER !!!!  We actually enjoyed ourselves !  How AWESOME is that ?? !!!

By mid November I had pretty much finished my Christmas shopping.  The gifts were delivered to my door a day or two after ordering them. As the packages arrived we wrapped them and put them into piles for all our kids and grand kids.  I wrote my Christmas letter the end of October, collected photos to make puzzles and calendars for gifts, (Thank you Shutterfly).  My Christmas cards were sent out the day after Thanksgiving and all the gifts were wrapped and under the decorated tree by December third.  Decorations were up, lights were lit and Christmas carols were being played through out my home when ever The Man was not around. (He did not grow up with music in his life and I really do miss listening to all my favorites music through out the year.  Small price to pay for living with this really special man.). 

By the beginning of the second week of December we were taking daily naps and relaxing instead of the usual insanity that would occur with the approach of the holiday.  We baked some cookies but really didn't go overboard because we really weren't in need of the constant sugar rush.  Cookies were nice but not high on our priority list.  (I can't believe I said that!). We ate popcorn as we watched old Christmas movies and spent time talking with friends and family on the phone or computer. And we didn't plan a HUGE Christmas dinner. . .   Normally it was "necessary" to plan and produce a fancy Christmas Day feast. The grand kids would open their gifts at home and then come to grand ma's late in the morning or early afternoon.  Grand Ma would have spent the entire week before planning the meal, cleaning the house, creating the perfect Christmas Day experience.  This year we had hot dogs and hamburgers on the        bar-b-que.   As was noted by my daughter . . . We had Fourth of July in December !  (Will we celebrate Christmas in July ?  Who knows.) 

It was the best Christmas ever !  Sooooooo relaxed !  Instead of all the preparation of foods we bought potato and macaroni salads, a bag of potato chips and some baked beans.  We didn't spend Christmas Day in the kitchen making sure the roast was in on time and the scalloped potatoes were pealed, assembled and baked at the proper time so they would be done at the same time as the meat.  There weren't five choices of vegetables that no one eats and the only time anyone was in the kitchen was to stand around and laugh. The kids played outside and ran off the sugar rush from decorating cookies and all the doors were open to the crisp "winter" (62 degree) air.  The Man even dug out his Christmas sweat shirt that I had given him our first Christmas together.  He has never worn it because it was too warm these past 3 years.  The sun was shining, everyone was happy and relaxed and it was The Best Christmas Ever !!!!

Today, the day after Christmas there is very little clean up to do.  The paper plates are thrown away, The leftover chips and dip are tossed and the two bags of wrapping paper garbage may or may not make it out to the trash today.  The dish washer isn't even full enough to run a load through.  I'm up early because . . .  I really don't know why.  I woke up to pee at 5:30 and just got thinking I'd like to tell you about my wonderful day yesterday.  It's chilly in the house this morning so I'm sitting here in my recliner wearing my famous and fabulous "Fuzzy Pink Robe" enjoying our electric fire place and the quiet of the morning. 

I am sorry there are so many people suffering out there. Whether it be from Covid or Cancer or any other terrible occurrence. I will say a prayer or ten for all of you.   Suffering is part of life but even in that there are lessons to be learned and thought to be given on how Blessed we are and how seldom we appreciate those blessings.   I hope you all had an exceptional holiday this year and I pray that we all learn something from all this. Wouldn't it be great if we could find this sense of calm and peace all the time? 

SQUIRREL ALERT !!!!!!!

Yesterday had been a GOOD day . . .  I would even go so far as to say it was a VERY GOOD day.  It started off with me taking my car in to Toyota to have it evaluated regarding the lousy paint job that had been done on it eight years ago when it first came out of the factory.  I bought it a year later in 2013 and ever since the paint all over the car has been chipping and peeling. When I drive down the highway I leave a snow storm of white paint in my wake.  I have complained to Toyota for seven years all to no avail. They would not take responsibility for this problem but I have learned as the years have gone by that I am not the only person with this problem.  I guess someone finally got through to Toyota that the Rav 4 white paint from the year 2012 SUCKS !!  I've googled it only to find hundreds if not thousands of other Rav owners complaining of the same thing.  Two years ago I had the roof on my car painted at my expense because the paint up there was coming off in sheets.  Then over this past weekend I got a letter from Toyota saying it had come to their attention there was a problem. DUH !!!  Bottom line, Toyota is now going to repaint my car AND reimburse me for the $800 dollars I spent to have the roof painted two years ago !!  It was a very good day yesterday !

Last night though was terrible so when I finally got out of bed at ten after being up most of the night and finally falling into a semi decent sleep at six this morning I staggered out to the kitchen to find The Man sitting at the kitchen counter reading the paper.  I am not functioning at 100%, probably not even 25 % but I did make an effort to be civil.  As I walked past him to go into the kitchen I looked out on to the lanai and noticed that the screen door out of the lanai was partially open.  I remember looking to see if The Man was indeed reading the paper, which he was, and thought to myself, "Hum, he left the door open when he went out to the sidewalk to get his paper. I will close that later".  So much for that thought process.  

We ate our breakfast out on the lanai until it got a little too warm and as I went inside I noted that I still had not shut the screen door.  I'll get that after I clean up the kitchen.  About ten minutes later I was standing at the kitchen counter listening to a very detailed video on the man's tablet demonstrating EXACTLY how to make enchiladas. (Last night as I was falling asleep, (and you wonder why I don't sleep well), The Man said, in the dark, "Do we still have that  left over Halibut ?"  It was 12:30 AM and The Man is thinking about dinner eighteen hours away !!! I mumbled something which to any sane person would have realized that in spite of what ever words were coming out of my mouth the message clearly was, "shut the hell up and let me go to sleep!). The Man did not get this message and so he continued on with his discussion of what we could do with the left over halibut.  I knew EXACTLY what I wanted him to do with the fish but chose instead to just roll over and pretend he did not exist.  He finally got the message and shut up and went to sleep.

Now it is morning and I am standing at the sink, pretty much zoning out on the whole enchilada thing when from the corner of my eye I see some movement out on the lanai.  When I looked I didn't see anything so I assumed it must have been one of the many lizards scampering across the patio. A few seconds later I saw something again and wondered if maybe there was a part of yesterdays paper blowing around. And then I saw IT !!!  There was a squirrel running around INSIDE the screened in patio. It was obviously as upset about being boxed in as I was about listening to enchilada recipes but in the case of the squirrel he was literally "climbing the walls" where as I was just having internal melt downs.  

I opened the kitchen sliding door and stepped out to see just what Mr. Squirrel was doing.(I would have stepped into a pit of starving alligators at that point just to get away from The Man and his obsession with Mexican food.) The squirrel heard the door slide open and immediately headed up the screen to the top of the lanai. As it hung upside down above my head I knew this was going to be a LOT harder than I thought.  (The Man was still sitting at the kitchen counter doing a Google search for recipes.). I went over to the partially open patio screen door and pushed it fully open and then put a flower pot to hold it open with hopes that the creature would find it's way out. I then retreated back into the relative safety of my kitchen.  

Still The Man was not aware that we had a minor crisis on our hands.  I stood at the kitchen door watching this dumb ass squirrel for five minutes. It would come down the screen, work its way around the permitter of the lanai until it got to the open screen door which unfortunately opened inward so that when the creature got just so far it was blocked by the open door.  Several times it went up the back of the screen door to almost the top, where if it had only gone a little further and then down the other side it could have been free. Each time it stopped just short of the top and turned around. It was about at this point that The Man realized something was going on.   DUH !   When he asked what I was doing he then "jumped" up and headed for the front door to do battle with the creature,  (Typical Man move ! My knight in shining armor!). I yelled for him to keep the door shut because it was at just that moment the Squirrel was moving around that side of the lanai. If The Man opened the front door I am sure the poor animal would have run right in.  It took a few moments for The Man to process my screams but he did manage to keep the door shut.  

After a few more moments of this drama I finally decided that, like The Man, this squirrel was too dumb to get out of its own way. I grabbed the kitchen broom and herded the stupid little thing, (the squirrel, not The Man0, around the lanai and FINALLY out the door. 

But the best part of all this is that when it was all done The Man said, in complete bewilderment, "How did the squirrel get in?"  I told him the door to the lanai was left open and he said, "IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE PAPER BOY".  Now if you have been reading this blog since we returned to Florida you KNOW we are lucky to find our daily paper anywhere within a three mile radius of our condo. The paper has NEVER been ON our lanai.  AND,  if you remember correctly, The Man was sitting reading the paper when I got up so you know he had to walk out to pick it up.  I guess he was correct in that HE was "the paper boy" but he honestly believed that "SOMEONE" came on to the lanai and left the door open. 

And you wonder why I drink ??

I'M FREEZING !

 I am freezing . . .   it is 81 degrees outside, the sun is shining and the day is beautiful but I am inside freezing.  Let me clarify that . . .   I am freezing fresh fish from Alaska.  Well, I'm not actually doing the freezing because it arrived here today already frozen. I am just setting up our new freezer so I can put the frozen fish in the new freezer.  

It started about three years ago after The Man decided he would put up with me on a long term basis.  Once he realized this relationship would work and we moved into out wonderful little condo together the wheels in his head started turning.  How could he bring three thousand tons of halibut to Florida for the winter?  It would have been easier and cheaper to buy the damn halibut a condo all their own rather than try to figure out where to put a shit load of fish in our small place.  

The Man has lived in Michigan and Alaska for many many years so he is used to storing up food for the winter months just like a bear going into hibernation.  The difference between Florida from Alaska and Michigan is that both those places have a LOT of space to expand in.  Alaska and Michigan have large pieces of property with many "out" buildings in which to plug in multiple freezers to hold all the venison, moose, halibut, shrimp and salmon. Winter months in both these locals are harsh so it is a great help to have food stored close by so you don't have the choice of going out for food or starving to death during a blizzard. In both places it is necessary to travel a distance to get to a grocery store and in the case of Alaska the groceries are at least three times more expensive than  in Florida. 

Here in South Florida I can walk to the nearest grocery store that is always chock full of EVERYTHING.  Even if Armageddon arrives tomorrow I'll be good to go for months. (I may not have toilet paper but there is plenty of food.) That added to the fact that we are only here for seven months of the year we REALLY do not need a lot of food stored in our home.  The fridge and freezer that are in this condo are more than adequate for our needs.  Our freezer is full of meat and ice cream . . .  what more do you need in life ?

But that just was not enough !  The man has spent three years trying to figure out where we could put a small freezer so we can get fresh fish from his son in Alaska. And for three years I have fought this idea. Why ?  First and foremost is the fact that The Man does NOT like fish !!!!!!  Do I need to say any more ?  For the past three years we have had a freezer half full of halibut and each year we return to Florida with "fresh" halibut that his son caught that year and must then throw out last years halibut to make room for the new fish.  When I suggest we have fish for dinner The Man usually finds some excuse to have something else.  The only time we have halibut for dinner is if Jeanne and Frank are here in Florida. Jeanne LOVES halibut so I cook it for her and the "boys" eat it but would much prefer a steak.  By the time we head north in the spring I still have ninety percent of the fish that we brought to Florida the previous autumn.  We do not need an additional freezer to store something we will undoubtably throw out in six months. 

So can you imagine my "delight" when I got up this morning to find a LARGE packing carton sitting on my lanai ?  The box contained a hippopotamus !!  No . . . just kidding . . . it held a FREEZER !   W T F ?     I stepped out of the bedroom with a total look of bewilderment on my face.  (I really do wish you could have seen the look on my face as I opened the bedroom curtain this morning only to see this huge box staring at me announcing that a freezer was sitting there.) As opened the bedroom door The Man looked at me and said, "What have you done?"  He thought I had bought this monstrosity !!!!!  (I honestly don't think he thought this for one minute but it was a good way to put me on the offensive.)  I almost fell over ! My response was, "ME ????   ME ???? I didn't buy that thing!"  I immediately knew where it had come from. Last week The Man's son sent us a picture of a small cooler packed with fish and shrimp that he was planning on shipping down to us. I tried to discourage The Man from thinking this was a good idea but he had his mind set on FRESH fish because we didn't get to Alaska last summer.  At first I tried to make him see that we did not have room in our freezer since he had just had me pick up a beef tenderloin at Sam's club and two half gallons of ice cream that was on sale.  (Our freezer is filled with meat and ice cream). But I knew it was a lost cause to try to keep fish from being delivered so I told The Man I would make room somewhere. He must have talked to his son and DJ sent us a freezer for Christmas thinking this was a great idea. 

 So this morning there was a freezer sitting on our patio !  Being the calm, rational person that I am my response to this was, "Where the Hell do you think we are going to put this?".  The Man could see I was about to go off the very shaky ledge of sanity so he sat me down to talk about this.  What The Man's son does not realize is just how small our home is.  The Man had several ideas about where the freezer could go, all of which I shot down because I really did not want a freezer sitting in the middle of our bedroom or living room.  I had a good suggestion of where he could stick the freezer but I kept that idea to myself. 

Bottom line,  The freezer is now a permanent fixture in the guest bedroom.  I figure I don't have to look at it and the only people who use the guest room are members of his family and they are all used to having random freezers stuck in random places.  (It's a whole different culture!). 

THE GAMES WE PLAY

 Life is an adventure !  That is my "go to" outlook on surviving these days.  I haven't always thought that life was an adventure . . .  it's taken me years to come to that conclusion.  When you're young you don't think about life at all.  You just live every day to the fullest in the total pursuit of happiness.  That mentality continues until you get married and reality slaps you up side your head while screaming, "It's not just about YOU any more."  Those people who never get this message are the ones who's marriages end in divorce. Suddenly you are ripped from your happy little cocoon of selfishness into the state of having to share your every moment, thought, feeling with another person who you soon realize is NOT on the same page as you.   As children most of us were not very good at sharing so we had great difficulty making that transition from the three year old mentality of "MINE" to the "mature" attitude of "Sure honey . . . what ever YOU want".  

If we manage to survive marriage we then throw in a couple of kids to put your sharing abilities to the ultimate test.  Your life is no longer your own because you are now a slave to husband AND children so you are not really in the "Life is an adventure" mode.  It's more like, "My life is a nightmare". But we plod on and FINALLY the kids are grown and, with any luck, are moved out of your house. Now you're back to just dealing with your spouse, who by now, you have accepted for better AND worse. You know how to deal with them and with any luck the two of you can cohabitate without killing each other.  

But even at this point you have not come to the realization that life is an adventure.  I think that comes when you retire and no longer have to deal with the hassles of daily living. If you are blessed, like me, you get to move to someplace warm, leave all your old "stuff" behind you and now have time and money to revisit the "ME". That's when it starts to sink in that every day is an adventure.  Waking up and being able to get out of bed and stand is an adventure. Hell, just going to be with the hopes of a good nights sleep is an adventure.  Hoping you didn't spend too much on Christmas gifts for the grand kids is an adventure. It just goes on and on. 

Part of having daily/hourly adventures is getting to play games.  Remember as a kid how much you LOVED playing hide and seek? Or Red Light Green Light or Capture the Flag?  Or even stick ball in the street?  (For those of you who grew up in the country,  I have no idea what games you played on a farm but I know you had your own variation of these "city kid" games. We were outside ALL the time and you got really creative when it came to entertaining yourself. 

Now that we are in the adventure stage of our lives we have created all new games to entertain us each and every day.  I happen to know that The Man does not realize he is playing any of my games but the fact remains that the games do go on all the time. 

We begin our day with a race.  I loved racing my friends and I must say I was usually the fastest one on the block.  Now, in our golden years, the race to the bathroom is the first game we play each morning.  As I lie in bed thinking about getting up to pee I hear The Man beginning to stir and I know I have to make it to the bathroom before him if I don't want to wait twenty minutes while he does breathing treatments or what ever else is going on in there. The twenty foot sprint takes me all of about three seconds which I think may be an all time record but I am not aware that anyone out there has documented this.  

On days when the race is delayed because of having gotten up to pee very two hours during the night we get to perform the always necessary stretching.  We rise slowly, making sure all the body parts are still working, and sit on the edge of the bed where we get to bend and stretch. Because my slippers have magically wandered under the bed during the night it is necessary to bend all the way down toward the floor and then   S - T - R - E - T - C - H   under the bed to find the damn things.  Once this is done we move on to the coffee challenge. This is more of a game of mental acuity rather than a physical challenge. First in this game is determining if the cup in the dish washer is clean or dirty. If it is dirty then we must move on to determining where our favorite cup has been hidden. Once located there is the search for the new box of coffee pods because the box that they are usually in is now empty. Once. the coffee is located we move on to another hide and seek to locate the coffee creamer that is somewhere in the fridge. This is not a timed event so there isn't any pressure.  

While one of us is completing the coffee event the other one gets to play our very favorite, daily, super challenge. WHERE'S THE NEWSPAPER ???????  This game involves not only stamina and agility but on certain days of the month it requires a fast paced game of "Capture the Flag".  At least twice a month the landscapers enter our property with their noisy and FAST ride on mowers.  Because the newspaper is usually somewhere out on the large lawn in front of our home it becomes a race to get out side as soon as you hear the mowers approaching. Next we must quickly locate the news paper and, before you or the paper can get run down, race out on to the lawn, swoop down without stopping, grab the paper and make it back to the lanai in one piece.  These mornings are the ultimate challenge for people our age, involving speed, agility and awareness.  All of which do not come easily to anyone over the age of 70.  

All of the above games have been played before ten o'clock in the morning !  Which necessitates the need to play, "Is it too early to take a nap?"  We play the Nap Game EVERY day !!!

Afternoons are usually quieter in the game department.  Most days we limit ourselves to, "WHERE'S THE CLICKER?" and "DID I ALREADY PUT THE VODKA IN THE Bloody Mary?".  

Yup . . . life is an adventure filled with fun and games. 

RAISING AN EYEBROW

 Don't ask where this is coming from because I have no idea. It just popped into my head the other day that I wanted to write about eye brows .  Yup . . .  I said eye brows.   With all that is going on in the world these days and it being 2 weeks before Christmas you would think I would have more pertinent things to write about but that just isn't the case.  These idiot thoughts lodge themselves in my brain and won't go away until I write about them.   I wonder if Stephen King has this problem ?  (Where DOES that man get his ideas from ???? I can not imagine living inside his head!)

On to the eye brow issue . . .  about fifteen years ago I let one of my Florida friends talk me into going to a "salon" to have a "free" make up session.  The idea was that you would have someone analyze your skin and then show you what sort of make-up you should use and just how to apply it to maximize your beauty. I knew this was a hopeless venture and it was inevitably going to cost me a good chunk of change but it was a fun way to spend an afternoon with a friend and get away from Husband for a couple of hours. My friend had discovered this salon and gone to it the previous week. I must say she was looking particularly good which had prompted me to comment on her new "glowing" self.  As a result I found myself sucked into a "day at the salon" with friend Carol. (As a side note I should tell you that I no longer hang out with this woman.  I liked her a lot but for some reason our lives took different paths when Husband got sick so I haven't seen her in over five years. We do still connect on Facebook but nothing more than that.Probably a good thing for me as most of her ideas cost me money.)

The day of the great makeup adventure was entertaining to say the least. I went into this giving full disclosure to the girl who was working on me that I do NOT wear a lot of makeup.  Like my hair, if I can't "fix" it in less than ten seconds I don't want to be bothered.  I hate fussing with hair and makeup because it usually doesn't help to spend much time on either one. You just can't make Filet Mignon from chop meat. 

 I  did learn a few things about applying makeup but the one thing that stuck in my brain was that your eyebrows "highlight" your face.  If you think about it why the hell do we have eyebrows ?  We have a nose to breath through, a mouth to eat with, eyes to see things but then there are these two wooly caterpillars above our eyes that serve no purpose at all.  I'm told that the reason we have body hair goes back to cave man times when the hair kept them warm. (TMI . .  . Husband must have been one step this side of Neanderthal because that man had more fuzz on him than a bear in winter.) 

And yet with all this purpose of body features our eyebrows remain a mystery. They are perched there above our eyes doing absolutely nothing.  So when the girl told me my eyebrows had the job of highlighting my face it made perfect sense.  She showed me that without accent my face looks bland but as soon as she darkened my eyebrows it did seem to make my face "pop".  (Of course by that point she had three tons of makeup plastered on my face so it was no wonder my "beauty" came to light as she applied yet another layer of paint above my eyes. )   I did spend a small fortune in makeup that day, all of which still sits in the bottom drawer in my bathroom vanity.  EXCEPT for the eyebrow pencil. That I use every single day!  (I no longer have the very expensive eyebrow pencil that I purchased six years ago but there are several variations of it in my vanity. I have tried many, many different brands and have come to the conclusion that the cheap one from the dollar store works just as well as the $50 dollar one purchased at Macys.) 

Now . . .   all of this brings us to my obsession with eyebrows. I can NOT watch TV or movies without noticing a woman's eyebrows. (I won't even discuss the wooly caterpillar eyebrows of most men.)  You don't have to worry about me zooming in on your eyebrows if you are standing in person in front of me.  I am way to distracted with being in the presence of a live human being to notice much of anything but put a face on the TV and I can not keep from noting the eyebrows on that person.  This is probably a result of the crap that we watch on TV. I am so bored with the blah blah blah yapping of TV news anchors and celebrities that my brain immediately goes to any distraction I can find and eyebrows always catch my eye.  I can't help but wonder what most of these public figures are thinking when they apply their makeup each day before broadcast. (If there is someone "doing" their makeup they should be aware that I am watching and making snide comments on the nature of the eyebrow.)  When a face on the TV has her eyebrows painted on three inches above her eyes I HAVE to say something.  There is a bone above the eye forming an eye socket.  I was always under the impression that eyebrows grew along that bone line framing the eye. When you put makeup on the eyebrow it does accent your eyes but if you put the makeup on so far about your eye it looks STUPID !

I really need you all to start taking note of this phenomenon the next time you're watching your favorite TV host or news anchor.  Let me know if it's just me or have the eyebrows of the world gone out of control and are preparing to over take our country.  It sure beats listening to the crap that is being spewed from our newscasters.  

DIRTY MONEY

 Maybe it is because I grew up in NYC but if someone said, "That's dirty money", I would automatically assume it was money that was being "laundered" by The Mob or money gained illegally through what ever means.  (I also read too many crime novels and loved watching "The Godfather" movies over and over.)  Hey, what can I tell you !  I have a vivid imaginations.

The term Dirty Money in this day and age has taken on an entirely new meaning.  When was the last time you went IN TO a bank ?  Or even to the drive up window where you are dealing with a live person as opposed to an ATM machine?  I almost never carry cash with me, everything goes on the credit card so I can gain sky miles. (Another term that we never knew as kids . . . ) The fact that I have not been on a plane in well over a year doesn't stop me from accumulating those miles for the day that I will want to get on a plane and fly to Fiji never to return. 

Back to the bank . . .   Back in the day we were at the bank at least once every 2 weeks when the pay checks came home.  There was no electronic deposit, just a plain old piece of paper check that needed to get signed and driven to the bank so it could be deposited in our account where the money would be available in three to ten days.  (Remember those days of "floating checks" playing the game to see if you could pay a bill on Tuesday when it was due even though the money really wasn't in your account yet? Ah. . .  fun times.)  At that time all the banking transactions had to be done inside the bank.  It was heaven when "Drive-through" windows came into existence. You still had to go to the bank but now you didn't have to get out of your car.  

But whether you were IN the bank or at the drive-up window the teller, a real live person, spoke to you. They knew your family, asked how the kids were and counted out your money in front of you so you could count along with them, making sure you received the correct amount. (I remember when my first child was born I went to the bank and all business came to a screeching halt while every employee in the bank had to come out to see the new baby. Even the manager came out of her office so she could hold and admire my child.)  It was a different world !

Not only would the teller count the money in front of you but she or he would turn the bills all in the same direction and if there was any money that was old and dirty they would pull it out and replace it with a newer one. The bank would take the old money and return it to the government where it would be destroyed. Paper money was a sacred thing and treated as such.  

Not so any more !!!!!   I went to the bank yesterday to get some cash to put in Christmas cards. (No, not your card!) I am still old school when it comes to Christmas "gifts" for the mail lady, the cleaning girls, the news paper deliverer.  They preform a service for me and I like to let them know I appreciate what they do.  (Considering the fact that our news paper is still being thrown into the bushes and on to the roof I did think twice about that Christmas gift.) 

I went to the drive through window because I wanted specific denominations of bills.  The girl at the window was very pleasant but it took her a good ten minutes to preform this task of counting out so many twenties, so many tens, so many fives . . .  I swear she counted the money a minimum of six times but all of that counting went on off to the side of her window where I could not see what she was doing.  After each count she would then put the bills into a machine that counted them. FINALLY she placed all the bills in a small white envelope and returned it to me.  By now there were three cars in back of me so even though I had no idea if the amount was correct I did not want to take the time to count it right there.  I assumed that all the counting she and her machine had done MUST have produced the correct amount.  I pulled away from the window and parked in the bank parking lot where I counted my money. 

I felt like I should put on latex gloves and have a gallon of hand sanitizer when I took the money out of its envelope.  Talk about DIRTY !!!!   First off, all the bills were turned in all different directions.  (At least all the different denominations were together. ) I don't think I have ever seen a more nasty accumulation of paper money. Most of the money had corners bent down, edges frayed and looked like they had been buried in a sack in someones back yard for the past thirty years.  The fact that they were upside down and backwards, all "willy nilly" drove me nuts.  I can not imagine what the bank tellers of my youth would have thought at the mess that was handed to me yesterday. I'm sure they would have been horrified! They probably would have been fired for giving a customer such a rag-tag mess.  Just another example of how sloppy our society has become. 

I have brought this cash home and disinfected it all with a can of Lysol.  I really don't need to be giving my mail lady Covid along with her Christmas bonus. 

I'M NO SAINT

 The other day I was laughing with my BFF, Sharon, who was trying to tell me I may be like Saint Paul. Sharon knows all about the Bible and the saints so I am sure she knows what she's talking about when we discuss anything Catholic/Christian.  Being a cradle Catholic I know very little about the saints and the Bible.  When I was growing up we were too focused on memorizing everything in the Baltimore Catechism. (If you're a catholic brought up in the fifties you'll know what I'm talking about.) We had to memorize things like, "Who Made Me?" . . . "GodMade Me". The nun would shoot off the questions and us kids would have to know the answers without hesitation to fire back at Sister Satan before she whacked us with the wooden ruler that she ALWAYS had in her hand.  Sharon on the other hand grew up Protestant and knew her Bible.  She was apparently raised on the stories from the Bible and grew up a lot better Christian than most of us Catholic kids.  

I don't know much about good old Saint Paul, other than he had a lot going on in his life and bore many crosses but never swayed from his faith in God and his commitment to spreading the word of Jesus. According to Sharon I am going to be like St. Paul. That cracked me up big time. 

Sharon and I were discussing my shoulder surgery that has now been "postponed" FOUR times.  I have said that God is trying to give me the message that I am not supposed to have this surgery and I just keep ignoring Him and rescheduling.  Sharon seems to think that I am going to be like St. Paul and just have to endure this achey, painful shoulder as my "Cross" in life.  I honestly can not imagine what purpose that would serve other than making me a miserable human being that no one will want to be around.  Maybe THAT is the challenge, remaining kind and loving while being in pain ?  

What ever is going on here I REALLY wish God were a little more clear in His messages.  By now He has got to know I am pretty dense and it takes the proverbial two by four smacking me up side my head before I get the point.  So far all He has done is send us a plague that is ravaging the world population and shutting down hospitals so I can't get elective surgery. When that didn't work He sent me some pneumonia in both my lungs thinking that would get my attention.  I can not even imagine what God has in store for me if I reschedule this surgery yet again but I know I'm not getting on any airplanes or ships any time soon.

Just in case !  

MADE IN CHINA

 This years brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Made In China".  Wasn't it just a few years ago that there was a huge push in the US to "BuyAmerican !".  If you saw a label that said, "made in China" you weren't supposed to purchase it. 

Well this year our entire Christmas is revolving around the "Made in China" virus . . . Good old Covid 19 came to us straight out of China and it is changing our lives forever.  But not necessarily in a bad way.

Yesterday I went out to get my mail I found THREE Christmas cards mixed in among the forty two catalogues that were stuffed into the mailbox. Yesterday was December first . . .  that means that the senders of these cards had to have sent their greetings mailed out on the day after Thanksgiving. Two of the three cards were photo cards which further means that the senders had to have taken the pictures and ordered the printed cards well before the beginning of November. 

WHO DOES THAT ?  

Normally NO ONE does that because we are all running around like idiots who are focused on Thanksgiving for the entire month of November.  We haven't given any thought to Thanksgiving before November first because we were decorating and buying costumes for Halloween. We weren't thinking about Halloween before the first of October because we were too focused on getting the kids back to school September.  And so on and so on. 

How in Heaven's name are these people getting their Christmas cards printed, written and sent before the first of December ? 

 What has changed in our lives from last year?  It is the China Virus, thank you very much, that is giving us so much time at home so we have nothing better to do than to prepare for holidays. Added to the fact that Amazon and Walmart have made shopping on line WAY too easy with their next day deliveries so all we have to do is open the computer, "google" what we want and press that one little button. VOILA ! Christmas is on its way to our homes.  

This thought got me wondering about what other changes we will see for the Christmas holidays. Given all this extra free time to do stuff here's some other things we may notice.

I think we will see record numbers of Christmas cards arriving at our homes this year.  People have been "locked" down for almost a year and by now are desperate for ways to keep busy. Why not start writing the Christmas cards in August?  We can't go on vacation because of Covid so we might as well sit at home and get those cards written.   Normally we would not be able to find Christmas cards in the stores until at least the end of October but all that is taken care of thanks to our on line shopping sites. 

We are also so starved for social contact that the thought of getting connected with our old friends has become much more important. What better way to keep in touch than to send a card to someone we are thinking of.  Taking this a step further we may also see an increase in new books being written by those people who like to express themselves in the written word but are always too busy to sit and write that great American novel.  (Or, as in my case, the silly daily blog.).  I think you all better get on line and order larger mailboxes immediately !

Next on the list of Covid Christmas changes I am thinking there will be a spike in decorations on peoples houses. I'm envisioning a Chevy Chase type Christmas where Clark Griswold goes totally nuts with his outside Christmas decorations.  (If you have never seen this movie stop reading this and go on Netflix to watch this totally hilarious film.) I don't know where Clark found the time to do all his decorating but I do know there are going to be a LOT more people putting up decorations this year. We all need something to make us happy after all our sacrifices with this stupid virus. What better way to bring happiness to ourselves and our neighbors than to spend a small fortune on Christmas lights and decorations ? Hello Amazon . . .  one push of a button and the twelve foot Santa and reindeer can be on your front lawn in a matter of hours. 

Next we will move indoors and think about the forty seven pounds we will all gain this season from the twelve billion Christmas cookies that will be baked. I have seen this in my family already . . . spending a lot more time in the kitchen baking goodies that make us feel good.  It's an activity to keep us busy, it produces wonderful smells which trigger wonderful memories of happier times and cookies are YUMMY! Baking is a family project that brings people together in a warm and cozy environment. It builds wonderful memories for years to come. It gives us a reason to stuff our faces with goodies all in the name of staying sane in these troubling times. 

I bet there will also be a lot less traffic accidents from the harried shoppers racing around doing last minute Christmas shopping.  We have all had plenty of time to make lists and shop on line ahead of time. Or if you are like me you don't even need the lists.  When I think of something I want/need I just head to the computer and order it. (The fact that I now have a pile of Amazon boxes that would rival the Berlin Wall is of no concern. ) 

The other day my kids were asking me what I would like for Christmas. Naturally I immediately said I wanted world peace . . .  No, not really . . .  (I do want world peace but that wasn't what I told them.) Their observation is that I buy anything I want so they don't know what to get me.  DUH !!  They can buy me an Amazon gift card of course !!  

I'm sure you are all thinking that all of the above observations regarding this season are going to cost us a small fortune at a time when people are loosing jobs. Just consider that by doing your part you are actually providing new jobs for those who are currently unemployed.  Your shopping is increasing the need for stores to hire extra personal. We need more Amazon delivery persons. UPS is hiring drivers which increases the need for new vehicles which provides work for the auto industry.  The Post Office is definitely in need of hiring about twenty gazillion new workers to handle the load of Christmas cards and packages being sent this year. We need more farmers to milk more cows so we have enough butter and milk for those Christmas cookies.  

On and on it goes . . .   I wonder what other fun changes Covid will bring us ?

FROSTY'S FRENZY

 Where do I live ?  Not Alaska!  Not the North Pole!   Not the Arctic!    I live in FLORIDA !                      I live in Florida with a man who was born and raised in Northern, (very, very northern), Michigan.        For many years of his life he was stationed on Army bases in the mountains of Germany and in Alaska so The Man knows about C O L D weather.  

This past October the weather in Michigan started to cool down into the 50's and The Man had the car packed and ready to roll South because he was "Freezing!"

It is now December first in Florida and the weather has been exceptionally warm for this time of the year.  The humidity has remained a little longer than normal and the temperatures have been in the high 70's to mid 80's.  It has been a little too uncomfortably warm and humid to sit outside for any length of time and that has been a disappointment.  There is nothing I love more than getting up in the morning, taking my coffee out on to the lanai and sitting in the sun reading the paper.  (The newspaper is a whole other issue. It has been an uphill battle to get our paper delivered on a DAILY basis.) 

After spending so much time outside while we were in Michigan this summer it is a huge disappointment to be "stuck" inside because it is still too hot and humid go out.  Small price to pay for living down here but it is unusual for this time of the year.  

Fast forward to the past week and the voices of doom and gloom on the local news.  I'm not talking about MY president and his constant abuse by the media but rather I am talking about the idiots on the TV who must sensationalize EVERYTHING !!!!!  You know how I feel about the whole hurricane nonsense and panic caused by the news but now that hurricane season is over I thought we were free and clear from crying wolf about the weather.

NOT !!!!  An entire week ago the local news started panicking about THE COLD FRONT heading for Florida. They report this "news worthy" information using the same voices and levels of panic that they use when the "killer hurricane" is headed our way.  (We were not even close to getting hit by a hurricane this past summer but according to the news media we were living on the edge of imminent doom every second of the entire season.).  So when the deadly cold front started oozing its way down from Canada the news was ready for a weeks worth of constant reporting. 

And here's the funny part . . . The Man got sucked right in !  I have lived here long enough to know that a "deadly cold front" is nothing to even blink at.  First of all it will never get any colder than a warm day in Michigan. Secondly, it will be here for less than the time it takes to find a pair of gloves in your closet, if you even own a pair of gloves. Cold fronts like to come down here every so often to warm themselves up and then the return just a quickly as the snow birds in January.  I personally LOVE when we have cool air headed our way. It gives me an opportunity to dig through my closet to find and wear jeans for one day.  (If I can still fit into them since I haven't had them on in a year and we all know a LOT can happen in a year!)  I also keep in mind the fact that there is a good possibility that the temperatures will not get any cooler because the front decides to take a sharp left turn and head to the Carolinas instead of Florida.  Often the front isn't strong enough to ooze this far south and gets hung up around Disney world where it rides Space Mountain for a day or so before retreating back North. So Cold Fronts are not a priority on my radar.

The Man took an entirely different approach . . .  I think that after talking with his son in Alaska last week where the temperatures were topping out at TWENTY SEVEN DEGREES BELOW ZERO, (and it was only November!) might have gotten The Man thinking about just how cold it can be.  Totally forgetting where he is himself right now he began a week long preparation for THE COLD FRONT.  

You would think we were preparing for months of lockdown in the frozen tundra of Siberia.  We had to go to the store and get cans of soup because soup is good when it gets cold. My pantry contains at least twelve cans of soup purchased over the past four years every time a cold front is headed toward Florida.  We never eat the soup, we just stock up in case we get snowed in. When we were planning our Thanksgiving dinner one of us was planning on all the hot turkey dishes we could prepare on those days when it "got cold".  Turkey soup and turkey pot pie were tops on the list, along with hot turkey sandwiches.  I was thinking turkey salad and cold turkey sandwiches but I was out voted. 

And so we were READY !!  While I was in the hospital the phone conversations revolved around our preparations for the cold weather that was coming and what would I do if I was delayed in the hospital with only my bathings suit top and shorts to wear home. I would FREEZE to death before I made it to the car !  (Luckily I got home well before the apocalypse ! ) 

All day yesterday "OUR" focus was on todays weather, what will "we" wear when we get up, what should we have for dinner that is a good cold weather meal, do we have a supply of hot chocolate?  I kept walking around opening doors hoping it was cooling off so I could shut off the AC and let some fresh air in but it was still too warm to do that. The Man continued his constant commentary on how cold it was going to get tonight so when we went to bed I shut down the AC, opened some windows and crawled under the covers. The Man SAID it was going to get cold !

At 1:00AM I woke up sweating to death !!  Holy crap !!  I had kicked off all the covers because the room was about three hundred degrees.   You know I got up muttering to myself and continued to mutter for the next four hours that I couldn't get back to sleep.  It was at that point that I opened up ALL the sliding doors to let the cool early morning air come in.  It felt WONDERFUL !  I finally returned to bed at five this morning, crawled under the covers and went back to sleep enjoying some nice cool air.  

When the man got up this morning he is wearing a long sleeve thermal top and SHORTS !  The house is super comfortable with the AC off because the doors are still open letting in the dreaded COLD FRONT.  I checked my weather app and it is now 59 degrees and feeling awesome.  The sun is shining brilliantly and I am about to go outside to enjoy the COLD weather,  

Too bad I can't read the paper . . .  I never got delivered today.  Maybe the paper person froze to death during the night !