"Who's On First?" Abbot and Costello had that great routine where they went around in circles trying to get an answer to the question of "Who's on First?" . THAT was funny stuff.
I am back in Michigan for the summer and already we are starting to "go around in circles" with every conversation. It may be a combination of the fresh air and being relaxed now that The Man is home on his own turf but I swear he has left his brain in West Palm Beach. (Which I suppose is better than leaving his heart in San Francisco but it's still annoying as hell.). We arrived back here this past Tuesday and since that time I have been biting my tongue trying to keep from screaming, "What the "F" are you taking about?????????" I ALWAYS have trouble following The Man's train of thought. Well, it's not really so much a train as a drunken clown car careening off a cliff. Once again I will give him the benefit of having dead brain cells from lack of oxygen due to the COPD but REALLY ??????
Is it a guy thing that The Man starts speaking in the middle of a sentence? You can tell by the furrowed brow that he is thinking of something but he fails to start communicating at the beginning of the thought. He waits until he is half way through the thought in his brain before the words make it to his mouth. Usually I am sitting across the table, car, room when The Man opens his mouth and out drops something like. "can go there tomorrow." I look up waiting to see if there is any more to this and when there is nothing but a blank yet expectant look on his face I wonder if I have missed something or did he really just say what I though I heard. Naturally my response is, "WHAT?" to which he repeats exactly what I thought I heard the first time. Now it's me who has the puzzled look which only irritates him because what sort of an idiot must I be for not knowing what the thoughts in his head were before he spoke these words. Now it is time for my deep breathing and yoga training to kick in rather than a Karate chop to his throat. My head is now screaming, "Stay Calm", don't yell. I calmly and politely ask, "What are you talking about?" which only proves to irritates him even more.
This will usually go on for a good amount of time before I am able to figure out what the Hell he is talking about. (I will never have to worry about dementia because instead of doing brain puzzles and cryptograms all I have to do is attempt a conversation with The Man. Sherlock Holmes would have trouble with this.)
Today's challenge was "Shrimp with lobster sauce". I'm heading to mass this afternoon so I suggested I pick up some Chinese take out on my way home. The Man LOVES Chinese take out !!!! When I made the suggestion his eyes lit up like I had told a puppy we would go for a walk. If he had a tail it would have been wagging. Being a creature of habit The Man has THREE things that he orders from Chinese take out . . . Pepper Steak, (UGH!), egg drop soup or Shrimp in Lobster sauce. He didn't know about shrimp in lobster sauce until he met me so this has REALLY opened up his world. Every so often I can get him to agree to try something else on the menu but that doesn't happen often. SO . . . When I suggested we get take out he was on board and it could have been a simple done deal. Except I HAD to read the menu and mention that we would get the "combo" that comes with fried rice and an egg roll. (The Man hates egg rolls but loves spring rolls . . . I personally can't tell the difference but hey, what the hell, I love both).
Now I have opened Pandora's box of brain blowing information . . . The Man is now processing the fact that Shrimp in lobster sauce comes WITH something else. TMI . . . too much information !!!!! He wanted soup with his shrimp dinner but now I am talking about egg rolls and fried rice . . . what about his soup ????? Can he still get soup if I get rice and egg rolls ????? Are we STILL getting shrimp ?????
I swear to you it took a good 15 minutes to get this straight in his brain. I explained that we COULD get just shrimp AND just soup . . . TWO separate things . . . OR . . . we could get the combo dinner that would also include egg roll and rice. This did not compute.
It was at this point that I was ready to say "F" it we'll get a pizza when the light bulb finally lit and he understood that he can still get his soup no matter what I ordered.
I think I may be on to another brilliant idea for a game show . . . "What's my half line?" All questions would be started mid sentence and you have to guess what it is talking about. I would be world champion!
No comments:
Post a Comment