THE BEATINGS HAVE TO STOP !

That would be the self inflicted mental beatings that I punish myself with each and every evening.  I seem to be fine during the day but once night falls I start whupping myself up side my haid with all the garbage I have eaten through out the day and how disgusting I feel, look, AM. Mental brutality is the worst kind and I am quite a pro at it.
Part of the problem is I don't see myself as FAT. I look in the mirror and my eyes see the 20 year old from Oh Soooooooo long ago, with a few more pounds than I would like. I am not seeing the actual 65 year old OBEASE WOMAN. Nothing wrong with my mirror or my eyes, it is the brain that is malfunctioning.
A good example of this was my cousin showing me a picture today. It was a photo of her and her second husband, taken when they were just married and in their late 30's. They were both very attractive people with full dark hair and not an extra ounce of fat on them. Cousin "L" told me she hasn't changed all that much in these past 40 years, maybe a different hair color but other than that she looked the same. I stared at the photo to make sure I was looking at the same picture as she. Then I looked at the white haired 80 year old woman across the table from me and wondered how she could possibly think she still looked like the person in the photo.  But isn't that what I am doing every time I look in the mirror?

I don't know how to break this chain of over eating and then being miserable and then eating because I am upset with myself.  I have fought this for 50 years and still haven't figured it out. Any suggestions ?

OH CRAP !

When you eat out at least one meal a day for 2 weeks, have ice cream or gelatto (OMG we have the BEST gelatto shoppe in the world here in PBG) almost every day only to top it off with the very best fish and chips (it is Friday in Lent after all) and a stop at the cupcake shoppe today . . . why would I be surprised with a weight GAIN of one and a half pounds this week? Nope, no surprise here! Disgust in myself that I am totally incapable of making better choices when it comes to food, horror that I can NOT say no to goodies and pity that I am doomed to obesity. BUT . . . it does get me thinking of reasons why it is good for a person to be fat.
1. We chubbs do not get cold in winter. We carry our own insulation.
(Too bad I live in Florida.)
2. We carry our very own seat cushions with us when we go to sporting events.
3. We have a built in tray table for picnics or eating on the couch.
4. No one wants to sit in the middle seat on the plane because we overflow.
5. It is not as painful to get a shot or an IV or give blood. Lots of cushioning.
6. You can be pregnant and people don't know it. (But this also works against
you cause they think you are pregnant when you're not.)
7. It's easy to "be" a turkey for Halloween cause we already have a wattle.
8. If we ever get caught in a hurricane we can just spread our fat "wings" on
our upper arms and fly like a bird.
9. Our thighs rubbing together keep us warm on winter days.
10. It makes it very easy to decide what to wear on any given day. You just
wear what ever happens to fit that day.

Hey, it was a fun 2 weeks with Aunt AM here. We ate way too much and I am now ready to try to get some control over myself once again. We're headed to see Abby in Atlanta before she moves to England for 2-3 years. But that is another blog for another day. Hopefully staying with her healthy, nutrition conscious parents will get husband and I started on eating less and better. I'll talk to you in a few days and let you know how it's going.