Today was one of those days that reminded me why I don't usually ask for help with things around the house. I learned long ago that if something needed doing I should do it. Husband used to work 2 jobs so if the grass was growing up over the front door I would go out and mow it. If the car was sounding like it had a family of squirrels living under the hood I took it to the repair shop. That was just how it worked.
Then H retired and he suddenly felt he would and could help me with EVERYTHING, whether I wanted the help or not. For 35 years I moved the furniture, put up the Christmas lights and made the beds without any help. Now suddenly I can't go shopping alone.
I have made concessions and "asked" for help making the bed, emptying or filling the dish washer or even on occasion having help grocery shopping. All of the above cause me a great deal of anxiety even though I tell myself the sheets don't need to be all the way on the bed, it really is a help to have H take the dishes out of the dish washer only to leave them all over the kitchen counter and so what if I asked him to buy bread and he comes home with pizza. I have learned to "LET IT GO" and accept what I get.
But today brought home the reasons I WOULD RATHER DO IT MYSELF !
Having been in a grand Funk for the past several months I have done nothing around here. I have not been motivated to clean, organize or throw out anything. It was all mental but I just could NOT get moving. The birth of the twins seems to have broken the funk and I am now fired up to kick some ass around here as far as cleaning goes. Having Kaelin and Finn arriving this weekend adds to my energy so I have been attacking the back yard, lanai and the dreaded GARAGE PLAY ROOM. For the past several months the garage has become a pit of despair. Everything I couldn't face has been thrown into that room.
This morning I was fired up and first headed to the back yard to get out the inflatable slide. Ger had said he would blow it up but that means nothing. He went to the gym and I took advantage of the alone time to really attack the yard. By the time he came home he must have felt he had to help because out he came. I tried to tell him to go rest a while but he insisted he help. He got the extension cord, the little pump and sat down to inflate the slide. I can't even begin to tell you what went on from that point but suffice to say the slide is still not blown up. I think it has a hole in it and if I leave it over night it just may wind up in the garbage tomorrow. Husband exhausted himself sitting in the chair holding the pump so when I left at 3:00 to meet a friend he finally came inside to nap.
I came home recharged after a delish Starbucks chai tea and decided to attack the garage. I figured H was sitting quietly watching Fox News I just might get something done. I cleaned off the shelves holding all the cleaning and house hold products and found 6 bottles of long dead tonic water. I had just pulled them off the shelf when you know who arrived in the door way saying those dreaded 3 words, "CAN I HELP?" You know what I wanted to say but instead I handed him a bottle of tonic and asked him to empty it and the 5 others into the kitchen sink and put the empty bottles into the recycle bin. SIMPLE you say ??? It is a matter of walking 6 steps to the sink, pouring out the liquid, walking 6 steps back to the garage door and dropping the EMPTY bottles into the bin. I don't know how or what H was doing but as he dumped the bottles into the bin he also poured tonic all over the garage floor and into the bin. Seriously, I REALLY REALLY do NOT know how he could "empty" bottles and yet pour that much liquid all over the garage. In case you didn't know, Tonic Water is sticky when it hits the floor.
The garage is not clean yet because I had to stop what I was doing to mop the garage and kitchen floor.
I'm so glad I have a "HELPER" ! Where's the freaking Prozac ????????
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Monday, April 7, 2014
AND ONE MORE THING
I am NOT cleaning that up !
Do you know how many times a day I walk through this house and say those six words? HUNDREDS ! Well, at least ten. Mostly when I walk into the bathroom but then there are the peanut shells all over the den floor, news papers from last week, cups and drinking glasses from yesterday and candy wrappers stuffed down the side of his chair.
What the hell was I thinking when I handed H the bag of peanuts to eat in the house. Peanuts are like lobster . . . NEVER NEVER NEVER do you eat that in the house !!
And to think that a year ago I was worried that H wasn't eating.
As for the bathroom . . . that is just too disgusting to even think about !
Do you know how many times a day I walk through this house and say those six words? HUNDREDS ! Well, at least ten. Mostly when I walk into the bathroom but then there are the peanut shells all over the den floor, news papers from last week, cups and drinking glasses from yesterday and candy wrappers stuffed down the side of his chair.
What the hell was I thinking when I handed H the bag of peanuts to eat in the house. Peanuts are like lobster . . . NEVER NEVER NEVER do you eat that in the house !!
And to think that a year ago I was worried that H wasn't eating.
As for the bathroom . . . that is just too disgusting to even think about !
WHAT'S THAT NOISE ?
I bought a book for the grand kids. It's called " What's That Noise, Little Mouse?" (by Stephanie Stansbie and Polona Lovsin) It's a cute book that advertises on the front cover;
A FUN-FILLED BOOK OF SURPRISE SOUNDS !
As I thumbed through the book after bringing it home I got to thinking I should write and record my own book based on all the sounds I hear in the space of a day. I'm not talking chirping birds or gently splashing waves, I'm talking the "inside" noises that even manage to drown out the sound of Fox News. I can only imagine what the neighbors think on those beautiful days when the windows are open. Thankfully that doesn't happen that often or we might be dealing with police being called to save the neighbors from the rampaging water buffalo that resides here.
Yes, once again I am talking about Husband. He has always been loud but lately he is excessively noisy. He sits in his chair and lets out the weirdest sounds. He grunts, snorts, bellows, (as in GARUMPH!) for no apparent reason. He has the normal bodily sounds of loud, persistent burping, the snort that is brought on when he half dozes off and wakes himself up, stomach growling that can be heard for miles and the sneeze that rattles windows and blows the pillows off the couch. But then there are the noises that he chooses to make. He whistles, whines, snorts, bellows, burps, grunts, groans and gurgles.
But by far, the MOST annoying noise is his breathing. Now, if I could only get him to stop breathing I would be in heaven ! Lest you think I am being cruel, let me explain. Most people breathe quietly. You DO NOT hear the air being taken in or expelled out. Maybe, on occasion, someone may have a cold or sinus problems and their breathing causes a slight whistle or such. I'm not talking about those sort of sounds. I'm talking sounds that can be heard from one end of the house to the other. (A good thing in the case of not being able to be surprised by H just appearing out of no where.) I can hear this man coming a mile away. It seems that he needs to add sound effects to his normal breathing, perhaps to prove to himself that he is, indeed, alive.?
Breathing in, usually results in a type of whistling intake of breath but exaggerated beyond belief. There's a woof whistle whine sort of sound that mimics the sound of a small vacuum. Annoying as that is, it is the exhale that REALLY gets me. I've written before about H R HUFF-N-PUFF and so this isn't something new. H just came into the bedroom to see what I was doing and I could hear him coming. "HUFF, PUFF, POOF, OOFF, PUFF PUFF PUFF". He is like the little engine that could. I am sad to admit that these noises MAKE ME CRAZY !
And Heaven forbid the noises should be contained in the house. The other day at church I was getting into the quiet zone of prayer when I started to hear the piff piff piff sound of H blowing out little puffs of air onto his clasped hands. That's when I slowly start to slide away from him along the pew and pretend I am with the family to my left.
I should be happy he is still breathing . . . . BUT . . .
A FUN-FILLED BOOK OF SURPRISE SOUNDS !
As I thumbed through the book after bringing it home I got to thinking I should write and record my own book based on all the sounds I hear in the space of a day. I'm not talking chirping birds or gently splashing waves, I'm talking the "inside" noises that even manage to drown out the sound of Fox News. I can only imagine what the neighbors think on those beautiful days when the windows are open. Thankfully that doesn't happen that often or we might be dealing with police being called to save the neighbors from the rampaging water buffalo that resides here.
Yes, once again I am talking about Husband. He has always been loud but lately he is excessively noisy. He sits in his chair and lets out the weirdest sounds. He grunts, snorts, bellows, (as in GARUMPH!) for no apparent reason. He has the normal bodily sounds of loud, persistent burping, the snort that is brought on when he half dozes off and wakes himself up, stomach growling that can be heard for miles and the sneeze that rattles windows and blows the pillows off the couch. But then there are the noises that he chooses to make. He whistles, whines, snorts, bellows, burps, grunts, groans and gurgles.
But by far, the MOST annoying noise is his breathing. Now, if I could only get him to stop breathing I would be in heaven ! Lest you think I am being cruel, let me explain. Most people breathe quietly. You DO NOT hear the air being taken in or expelled out. Maybe, on occasion, someone may have a cold or sinus problems and their breathing causes a slight whistle or such. I'm not talking about those sort of sounds. I'm talking sounds that can be heard from one end of the house to the other. (A good thing in the case of not being able to be surprised by H just appearing out of no where.) I can hear this man coming a mile away. It seems that he needs to add sound effects to his normal breathing, perhaps to prove to himself that he is, indeed, alive.?
Breathing in, usually results in a type of whistling intake of breath but exaggerated beyond belief. There's a woof whistle whine sort of sound that mimics the sound of a small vacuum. Annoying as that is, it is the exhale that REALLY gets me. I've written before about H R HUFF-N-PUFF and so this isn't something new. H just came into the bedroom to see what I was doing and I could hear him coming. "HUFF, PUFF, POOF, OOFF, PUFF PUFF PUFF". He is like the little engine that could. I am sad to admit that these noises MAKE ME CRAZY !
And Heaven forbid the noises should be contained in the house. The other day at church I was getting into the quiet zone of prayer when I started to hear the piff piff piff sound of H blowing out little puffs of air onto his clasped hands. That's when I slowly start to slide away from him along the pew and pretend I am with the family to my left.
I should be happy he is still breathing . . . . BUT . . .
Saturday, April 5, 2014
LAUGHING OUT LOUD
Twice this past week I was fortunate enough to spend some time away from H and laugh with some nice women I have become friends with down here in Florida.
The first occasion was with Judy and it involved lunch at one of my favorite scenic eateries out on the intercostal up in Tequesta. In spite of the numerous annoying flies lunch was tasty and the female companionship was Devine ! Judy's husband suffers from dementia so we have a lot in common, although "chemo brain H" is not nearly as bad as Judy's man. The fellows do have a rash in common and the exchange of horror stories had us rolling in laughter. IT FELT SO GOOD TO LAUGH !
Occasion number two was coffee at Starbucks with friend Carol. I got telling her the stories of the common problems that Judy and I shared and Carol was so horrified that it sent the two of us off into gales of laughter.
God may give you lemons in life but as long as there are friends to bring the sugar nothing is that bad.
The first occasion was with Judy and it involved lunch at one of my favorite scenic eateries out on the intercostal up in Tequesta. In spite of the numerous annoying flies lunch was tasty and the female companionship was Devine ! Judy's husband suffers from dementia so we have a lot in common, although "chemo brain H" is not nearly as bad as Judy's man. The fellows do have a rash in common and the exchange of horror stories had us rolling in laughter. IT FELT SO GOOD TO LAUGH !
Occasion number two was coffee at Starbucks with friend Carol. I got telling her the stories of the common problems that Judy and I shared and Carol was so horrified that it sent the two of us off into gales of laughter.
God may give you lemons in life but as long as there are friends to bring the sugar nothing is that bad.
Monday, March 31, 2014
I REALLY NEED TO STOP THINKING
You know that old saying, "We plan, God laughs" ? Well once again I am living proof that I am not in control of my life in any way shape or form. The fact that Kent and Kristen ended up with TWO babies instead of just the one that they had planned on should have reminded me it is futile to make any sort of plans.
By the way, those two babies are just the most adorable things ever! Wynn may be joining his sister at home tomorrow or the next day which should help mom and dad get some rest. Running back and forth to the hospital for feedings is getting old.
But, back to the problem of planning ANYTHING these days. Ger has been doing great so naturally I start thinking we can soon return to "The good old days" of traveling here there and where ever. HA!
Just today Ger and I were having breakfast and I asked him if he thought he would be up to taking a cruise. I started thinking abut a two day, one night cruise to the Bahamas right from West Palm Beach. It's not that expensive and it wouldn't be too taxing on Ger. but as is my way my brain continued to think and by the time we had returned home from breakfast I had my head wrapped around a ten day/two week cruise to the Panama Canal. After all, cruising is so simple, just get on the ship, sit around eating and drinking and see the sights that sail by. PIECE OF CAKE !
Then God hit me up side my head ! He sent Ger an awful rash on his upper leg and even had it bleed a bit so that Ger would notice it and get scared enough to tell me about it. I took one look at this rash and kissed all thoughts of travel GOOD BYE !
This was my reminder that even though husband appears to be OK he is NOT ! I don't think the man has ever looked at himself in the mirror except to shave his face. HOW ???? He could not have noticed this rash is way beyond me. His skin is raw as chop meat and is oozing. Yet he did not know this was there. I am beyond belief that he can be soooooooooo unaware of his own skin. How DOES that happen?
So not only will we not be traveling, because I just never know when something will pop up but I also have lost my one day this week to sleep in. I had plans of covering my head tomorrow morning and not letting the world any where near me till at least noon .
I'll be up at 8 to call for a doctor appointment for Ger. I better call my therapist too.
By the way, those two babies are just the most adorable things ever! Wynn may be joining his sister at home tomorrow or the next day which should help mom and dad get some rest. Running back and forth to the hospital for feedings is getting old.
But, back to the problem of planning ANYTHING these days. Ger has been doing great so naturally I start thinking we can soon return to "The good old days" of traveling here there and where ever. HA!
Just today Ger and I were having breakfast and I asked him if he thought he would be up to taking a cruise. I started thinking abut a two day, one night cruise to the Bahamas right from West Palm Beach. It's not that expensive and it wouldn't be too taxing on Ger. but as is my way my brain continued to think and by the time we had returned home from breakfast I had my head wrapped around a ten day/two week cruise to the Panama Canal. After all, cruising is so simple, just get on the ship, sit around eating and drinking and see the sights that sail by. PIECE OF CAKE !
Then God hit me up side my head ! He sent Ger an awful rash on his upper leg and even had it bleed a bit so that Ger would notice it and get scared enough to tell me about it. I took one look at this rash and kissed all thoughts of travel GOOD BYE !
This was my reminder that even though husband appears to be OK he is NOT ! I don't think the man has ever looked at himself in the mirror except to shave his face. HOW ???? He could not have noticed this rash is way beyond me. His skin is raw as chop meat and is oozing. Yet he did not know this was there. I am beyond belief that he can be soooooooooo unaware of his own skin. How DOES that happen?
So not only will we not be traveling, because I just never know when something will pop up but I also have lost my one day this week to sleep in. I had plans of covering my head tomorrow morning and not letting the world any where near me till at least noon .
I'll be up at 8 to call for a doctor appointment for Ger. I better call my therapist too.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
SORRY !
Not really, but I did totally have a major melt down and bad as it was I really should not have . . .
What the hell . . . Guess my alter ego just isn't that nice after all. You know that old lady in the nursing home that everyone hates because she curses out everyone . . . Guess who !
Sanity has returned in the form of a three year old , THANK YOU GOD FOR GRAND KIDS!
As you all know by now Smith is a Big Brother as of last Saturday night. His brother, Wynn Callaghan, arrived around 10:30 PM. followed shortly by their sister, Grey Catherine. Babies are a good size but experiencing a bunch of little problems which is keeping them in the NIC unit while mom came home today. Smith was in charge of grand ma and grand pa for the past 4 days and doing an excellent job of keeping us in line. Aside from the forty two excuses for not going to sleep he is the PERFECT little man. Smith is so smart and grown up it is so much fun spending time with him. Smith and his dad had off from school this week for Spring Break so that was the "theme" for our fun times. Smith learned early something my kids didn't discover till they went away to college . . . .SPRING BREAK IS ABOUT GOING AWAY AND HAVING SOME FUN ! Grand ma's house served as party central for Spring Break 2014 complete with drinks in the pool. (Capri Sun counts!)
We played, swam, spent 5 1/2 hours at a "bounce play" place and laughed ourselves silly. There were cupcakes for breakfast and hot dogs &pizza for dinner. Never mind the 4 day marathon of TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES movie. Smith's sister and brother gave him a bag of goodies, one being an endless DVD of the Ninja Turtles. I was never a fan of these ridiculously ugly creatures but I must say after about the forty fifth time of watching the first three episodes they sort of grow on you. (Every time we sat down to watch the video we HAD to start it from the beginning. I can actually recite the first 15 minutes word for word. But the worst is that I can't get that silly theme song out of my head!)
Smith is now back in his house and grand pa and I are suddenly realizing how quiet our house really is. Which is a very good thing because I plan on sleeping for the next 48 hours. If I don't snore I doubt the bug man will even realize I am still in the bed when he comes by for our monthly spraying.
I am also looking forward to returning to eating healthier. I can't tell you the last time I used my juicer.
What the hell . . . Guess my alter ego just isn't that nice after all. You know that old lady in the nursing home that everyone hates because she curses out everyone . . . Guess who !
Sanity has returned in the form of a three year old , THANK YOU GOD FOR GRAND KIDS!
As you all know by now Smith is a Big Brother as of last Saturday night. His brother, Wynn Callaghan, arrived around 10:30 PM. followed shortly by their sister, Grey Catherine. Babies are a good size but experiencing a bunch of little problems which is keeping them in the NIC unit while mom came home today. Smith was in charge of grand ma and grand pa for the past 4 days and doing an excellent job of keeping us in line. Aside from the forty two excuses for not going to sleep he is the PERFECT little man. Smith is so smart and grown up it is so much fun spending time with him. Smith and his dad had off from school this week for Spring Break so that was the "theme" for our fun times. Smith learned early something my kids didn't discover till they went away to college . . . .SPRING BREAK IS ABOUT GOING AWAY AND HAVING SOME FUN ! Grand ma's house served as party central for Spring Break 2014 complete with drinks in the pool. (Capri Sun counts!)
We played, swam, spent 5 1/2 hours at a "bounce play" place and laughed ourselves silly. There were cupcakes for breakfast and hot dogs &pizza for dinner. Never mind the 4 day marathon of TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES movie. Smith's sister and brother gave him a bag of goodies, one being an endless DVD of the Ninja Turtles. I was never a fan of these ridiculously ugly creatures but I must say after about the forty fifth time of watching the first three episodes they sort of grow on you. (Every time we sat down to watch the video we HAD to start it from the beginning. I can actually recite the first 15 minutes word for word. But the worst is that I can't get that silly theme song out of my head!)
Smith is now back in his house and grand pa and I are suddenly realizing how quiet our house really is. Which is a very good thing because I plan on sleeping for the next 48 hours. If I don't snore I doubt the bug man will even realize I am still in the bed when he comes by for our monthly spraying.
I am also looking forward to returning to eating healthier. I can't tell you the last time I used my juicer.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
FUCK A FUCKING DUCK
Can I say that on the Internet? Who gives a shit, I'm saying it and I mean it !
This blog is to be read rapidly and insanely because that is how it is being written.
Backing up, I went to the cardiologist AGAIN today to talk with him about something he said last week when I was there for my semi annual visit. His report was good for my echo cardiogram but when he looked at my EKG he said it was "normal" for me but if someone were to look at it they would ask me if I had had a heart attack. Apparently my EKG is that of someone who has had a heart attack. I didn't think much of that when I was at the doctor but over the weekend it has played with my head and by Saturday morning at 5 AM I was deciding that I was HAVING a heart attack. (But did nothing about it except have a MAJOR MAJOR meltdown later in the day because my blender broke. Cried for an hour and slept for 2. Nothing wrong here folks!)
So now I am totally and completely convinced that I am on deaths door and although I would welcome death I still don't want to die. (Makes all the sense in the world . . . I know . . . ) Monday I go to see a new therapist, HALLELUJAH LORD ! She confirms that I am indeed crazy and need to come back often and soon. (Appointment next week) I confirm that I probably did not have a heart attack but need to talk with my doctor to ask just what he meant when he discussed my EKG last week.
THEN I WENT SHOPPING ! I figured if I was going to die I would go out enjoying myself. Even though Sams Club is NOT really that much fun I did kill 2 hours and a bunch of money. The kids clothes gets me every time and with twins on the way any week now I'm buying diapers by the truck load. Those damn things cost a fortune. It's paper and plastic that is going to get filled with pee and poop but they cost more than a new car. (Which by the way I am loving my "NEW" car. It may only be a Toyota Rav 4 but to me it is better than a Rolls Royce. And prettier too!)
Today I went back to the cardiologist and he put my mind at ease although we decided to have a stress test done next week just to make sure the old ticker isn't playing tricks on me. This doctor is adorable and I love going to see him. My brain felt better even if my body doesn't. I think maybe STRESS is at the bottom of my feeling like crap but why ever would I have reason to feel stressed!
PAUSE FOR 20 MINUTES OF MANIACAL LAUGHTER . . . . . .
Back to reality, I brought H with me to the doctor today. I was feeling kindly to the old boy after seeing the shrink yesterday so I invited H to come along and then we would go out to lunch. (Something we haven't done in a long while. Like writing my blog.) After lunch we stopped at Walmart to purchase a new blender to replace the one that I smashed to pieces after it refused to work on Saturday. (Never never get on my dark side. It is not a nice place to be. RIP blender). We then returned home and I changed into my gardening clothes and went out front to work on some plants. This is the first time in many many months that I have had the desire to do ANYTHING. I have been frozen in time and unable to function except to do what needs to be done. I am at the point of having NO clean underwear because I haven't done laundry. The fridge is a mess with old food. The sink is filled with dirty dishes, there are all the things I bought at Sam's Club sitting in the kitchen and dining room, the lanai has not been swept or washed off in weeks, counter tops are filled to overflowing with papers and crap, bills are piled on my desk waiting to be paid and I CAN NOT get myself moving to do any of it. So tonight when I was feeling a sense of ambition I couldn't wait to get outside to garden.
I had asked Ger to do a few things for me but none of them had gotten done. What's new? Out I went and happy was I. I ripped up an entire garbage can of plants. I cut and pulled and got out the saw and took down some major shit. IT FELT GOOD ! Then H came out and it all came crashing down.
No reason for me to crash, the man just walked out to see what I was doing. Then some new neighbors came along and we talked. I invited them in to see our house. I INVITED THEM IN TO SEE OUR HOUSE !!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING ????????
I gave them the speech about just coming back from Sam's Club so excuse the mess . . . . . HA HA HA HA HA HA HA They were very polite but left rather quickly and I don't think we will EVER see them again. My house is a WRECK. AND I DIDN'T CARE !!
GOD ALMIGHTY I NEED HELP !
This blog is to be read rapidly and insanely because that is how it is being written.
Backing up, I went to the cardiologist AGAIN today to talk with him about something he said last week when I was there for my semi annual visit. His report was good for my echo cardiogram but when he looked at my EKG he said it was "normal" for me but if someone were to look at it they would ask me if I had had a heart attack. Apparently my EKG is that of someone who has had a heart attack. I didn't think much of that when I was at the doctor but over the weekend it has played with my head and by Saturday morning at 5 AM I was deciding that I was HAVING a heart attack. (But did nothing about it except have a MAJOR MAJOR meltdown later in the day because my blender broke. Cried for an hour and slept for 2. Nothing wrong here folks!)
So now I am totally and completely convinced that I am on deaths door and although I would welcome death I still don't want to die. (Makes all the sense in the world . . . I know . . . ) Monday I go to see a new therapist, HALLELUJAH LORD ! She confirms that I am indeed crazy and need to come back often and soon. (Appointment next week) I confirm that I probably did not have a heart attack but need to talk with my doctor to ask just what he meant when he discussed my EKG last week.
THEN I WENT SHOPPING ! I figured if I was going to die I would go out enjoying myself. Even though Sams Club is NOT really that much fun I did kill 2 hours and a bunch of money. The kids clothes gets me every time and with twins on the way any week now I'm buying diapers by the truck load. Those damn things cost a fortune. It's paper and plastic that is going to get filled with pee and poop but they cost more than a new car. (Which by the way I am loving my "NEW" car. It may only be a Toyota Rav 4 but to me it is better than a Rolls Royce. And prettier too!)
Today I went back to the cardiologist and he put my mind at ease although we decided to have a stress test done next week just to make sure the old ticker isn't playing tricks on me. This doctor is adorable and I love going to see him. My brain felt better even if my body doesn't. I think maybe STRESS is at the bottom of my feeling like crap but why ever would I have reason to feel stressed!
PAUSE FOR 20 MINUTES OF MANIACAL LAUGHTER . . . . . .
Back to reality, I brought H with me to the doctor today. I was feeling kindly to the old boy after seeing the shrink yesterday so I invited H to come along and then we would go out to lunch. (Something we haven't done in a long while. Like writing my blog.) After lunch we stopped at Walmart to purchase a new blender to replace the one that I smashed to pieces after it refused to work on Saturday. (Never never get on my dark side. It is not a nice place to be. RIP blender). We then returned home and I changed into my gardening clothes and went out front to work on some plants. This is the first time in many many months that I have had the desire to do ANYTHING. I have been frozen in time and unable to function except to do what needs to be done. I am at the point of having NO clean underwear because I haven't done laundry. The fridge is a mess with old food. The sink is filled with dirty dishes, there are all the things I bought at Sam's Club sitting in the kitchen and dining room, the lanai has not been swept or washed off in weeks, counter tops are filled to overflowing with papers and crap, bills are piled on my desk waiting to be paid and I CAN NOT get myself moving to do any of it. So tonight when I was feeling a sense of ambition I couldn't wait to get outside to garden.
I had asked Ger to do a few things for me but none of them had gotten done. What's new? Out I went and happy was I. I ripped up an entire garbage can of plants. I cut and pulled and got out the saw and took down some major shit. IT FELT GOOD ! Then H came out and it all came crashing down.
No reason for me to crash, the man just walked out to see what I was doing. Then some new neighbors came along and we talked. I invited them in to see our house. I INVITED THEM IN TO SEE OUR HOUSE !!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING ????????
I gave them the speech about just coming back from Sam's Club so excuse the mess . . . . . HA HA HA HA HA HA HA They were very polite but left rather quickly and I don't think we will EVER see them again. My house is a WRECK. AND I DIDN'T CARE !!
GOD ALMIGHTY I NEED HELP !
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