WITHDRAWAL

Good thing I"m not a drug addict because I would NEVER be able to get off them.  I HATE goodbyes !!! I can NOT say good bye to anyone OR anything without going through at least 10 minutes of tears.

Husband used to make fun of me all the time and tell people "She cries about EVERYTHING". And he was right but he used to say it like it was a negative thing. I consider tears to be very cathartic and soothing once the sobbing is over and all the snot dries up. I DO in fact cry over lots of things. I have to laugh at myself when a TV commercial sets me off or a Hallmark greeting card gets me going. (I NEVER watch the Hallmark TV channel for just this reason.)

This past month has been a particularly difficult time for me.  There have been too many cases of withdrawal. First and foremost has been my sporadic separation from the internet.  (I bet you thought I was going to say "family". They do rate up there in the top 10 but I honestly think I'm having more trouble in not having internet connection on a regular basis.) I din't realize how "connected" I have become. With no texts and e-mail I have been "cut-off" from my friends and family. I love being in touch with everyone and have become so spoiled with just picking up a phone and either calling or FaceTiming or emailing or texting. My family is just a push of a button away when I can't see them in person. My friends are at the other end of some electronic device that I can pick up at anytime of the day or night.

All that changes once you leave civilization . . . as in traveling to the U.P. of Michigan or going across the ENDLESS miles of Canada. Thankfully Alaska is more "connected" than Michigan so at least I had the opportunity to talk with family while I was visiting in Fairbanks. That wasn't the case for most of our travels in Valdez, Homer, Seward or Anchorage. To be fair to the state of Alaska we were traveling through a shit load of mountains and I guess it is pretty hard to put up cell towers on a glacier or on top of some massive mountain.( Maybe they could come up with a way of putting "cell tower hot spots" on mountain goats ? ) At least Alaska has an excuse for no internet or cell phone reception. I have yet to figure out what the problem is with Michigan. (I personally think the problem is Dwayne and his $12.00 a month phone and internet bill. I mean, what do you expect for that price!)

Moving on with my list of withdrawal issues . . . I am missing family and friends. Not getting all those hugs and smiles from my grand kids is a killer. I love how they light up when they see me and those shouts of, "GRAND MA!!!!!" are the best.
I miss yaking with my friends just because I can. I miss going out to lunch with my friends at any one of ten thousand GOOD restaurants near my house. I miss my bed, my TV, my house and my car. I miss picking up and going someplace when ever I want.

I REALLY miss sleeping in the DARK ! Holy Crap . . . do you know how hard it is to sleep with 21 hours of daylight ?
I miss eating HEALTHY . . .I know you will find that hard to believe but I honestly just want a week of healthy food and a good salad once in a while.
I miss having a LARGE kitchen with all sorts of pots, pans and utensils and a pantry that is stocked with my favorite foods.
I miss my shower and not having to carry a "bathroom bag" and a towel with me.( Camp ground showers are usually nasty.) Showers at other peoples homes are never as good as your own shower and forget the weird water that you find in other places including Florida. Let me tell you there is NOTHING like East Coast water. That water is the freshest and cleanest in the country. This well water shit that comes out of faucets in the rest of North America just plain stinks, literally !!

But the thing I am having the hardest time leaving are the adventures and people of the past month. This trip was fantastic and I HATE leaving it all behind. Today as we finally drove out of the last of the beautiful mountains in British Columbia, the Yukon Territory and Alaska I had a serious melt down. Withdrawing from that amazing world and knowing it would be at least another year until I can see the awesome people I just spent time with hurt worse than I expected. With tears rolling down my face I said good-bye to it all and got ready to travel on.

I HATE GOOD-BYES !!!!

WIRED

This RV is a perfect match for anyone who requires Electricity to survive. The previous owner was a genius and must have known that down the road the vehicle would be owned by someone like Dwayne.  Between the multiple oxygen machines and other electronic devices this house on wheels is made for us.

Let me begin by saying I DO take advantage of the power sources in this vehicle. Like every other person on this planet over the age of 6 months I NEED to "PLUG IN" at least once a day to keep the computer and cell phone charged. (Not so much the computer as it is new so it holds its charge for days but my cell phone makes up for that by needing a charge about every  5 hours if I am using it for ANYTHING. (I should buy a new battery but I know that would just lead me to buying a new phone and I'm not ready for that quite yet.) So if we tally up the electric outlets required to keep me plugged in we have, at most, TWO. And that is most likely not needed at the same time.

NOW . . .  consider The Man and his energy needs. Let me begin by telling you about this AMAZING  RV and it's power sources. The previous owner added a couple of really great things to make sure there would ALWAYS be electricity. First and foremost he put solar panels on the roof which provide energy through a "converter". I totally understand NONE of this but I do know there is a small black box in back of my seat in the cab of the RV that has 3 outlets in it. D keeps his primary oxygen concentrator plugged in here so it is ALWAYS running. (The fact that this wire goes across the cab of the RV is of little concern to anyone except the person who has to climb our of HER seat and crawl into the back.) The little black box of energy is totally tucked out of the way and you wouldn't even know it was there. Energy source #1.

Moving into the main portion of our home on wheels there are multiple outlets that were probably added by the previous owner. There is an outlet OVER the sink which when you think about it is a disaster waiting to happen but it actually comes in quite handy. Just below that and off to the side we have another outlet on the side of the kitchen counter. The biggest issue that I have with these 2 outlets is that they are both right above Dwayne's head when he is sleeping. THANKFULLY through no intelligent decision of my own D chose to sleep in the bed on the "kitchen" side of the RV. This is perfect for him because he has all these places to plug in. (I had the forethought to bring a small adapter that plugs in and allows you to plug in 3 things in stead of one.) So now the man has the capability of being connected to SIX different electrical devices at THE SAME TIME.
I TOTALLY expect to wake up one morning to a corpse who has been strangled to death in the middle of the night because ALL SIX wires are hanging down at the head of Dwaynes bed ALL THE TIME !  (When I'm at home I have one or two spots out of the way that I will leave the charger plugged in but here in our LIMITED SPACE housing I unplug every time and put the charger away so it doesn't get in the way or stepped on.) Not so much with the other member of our party.

Our counter top space in the RV is "limited" to say the least. The kitchen counter holds a 3 burner gas stove and a small 2 basin sink. There is some space around the sink most of which is between the back of the sink and the camper wall. This happens to be the space nearest to the 6 outlets so I'll let you guess what this space is filled with. Did you guess:
#1 A NEBULIZER . . .  that needs to be plugged in
#2 A SPACE HEATER . . .  that needs to be plugged in (The man go NOWHERE without this)
#3 AN ELECTRIC RAZOR . . .that needs to be plugged in
#4 A PHONE CHARGER . . . that needs to be plugged in
#5 THE CHARGER FOR A TABLET . . . that needs to be plugged in
#'s 6 - 27 ALL SORTS OF ASSORTED INHALERS, COUGH DROPS, COINS, NAIL CLIPPERS, AT LEAST 42 BOTTLES OF MEDICATIONS AND TISSUES IN MULTIPLE STAGES OF USE. (Thank God none of which need to be plugged in.)
So much for any counter top space on which to work. This is not a problem here in Fairbanks where I have not had the need to cook in the RV but once we hit the road again tomorrow all this SHIT needs to find a place so it doesn't go flying around as we hurl down the road back to Michigan. AS for the two hundred and seventy six mile of electric wire snaking it's way through the living space of the RV, lets just say that Stanley and Livingston didn't have it nearly as challenging when they were slashing their way through the jungles of where ever the hell they were.

OH, did I mention the two outlets on the OUTSIDE of the camper ??

A MOST DISGUSTING HABIT

Of all the habits that people develop I think the absolute most DISGUSTING one has got to be chewing tobacco. I can take people biting their finger nails, cracking their knuckles, smoking, drinking even picking their noses but chewing tobacco has GOT to be the WORST !

If you need nicotine for what ever reason just keep smoking or chew nicotine gum but to put a wad of tobacco in your mouth, tuck it into your cheek and then SPIT every ten seconds is just GROSS !!

WHY ??  Why would anyone choose to do this ? Seriously! Not only are you creating a nasty nasty glob of nastiness IN YOUR MOUTH but then you are going to share it with everyone around you ??
The whole "spit cup" is the grossest thing I can think of. At least if you have a spit cup please make sure it is NOT made of clear plastic or glass. Talk about destroying your appetite in one easy lesson !
I am making myself nauseous just writing this.

I think I have been in Alaska too long. Things here are starting to get to me and my New York/Palm Beach is starting to take over and everything Alaska is starting to gross me out or piss me off. The people are nice, the country side is nice but I just want to get back to NOT COUNTRY ! I miss civilization !!

Tonight we had an excellent steak dinner cooked to perfection by DJ out on the barbecue . After dinner I chose to head into the RV for a quiet night of computer games and relaxation. Dwayne followed me out and turned on our Roku TV which we have yet to totally master. Neither one of us was in the mood for a movie so naturally he went directly to Fox News. (What is it with the men in my life and freaking Fox News?) Because it is Sunday night there was NOTHING even on Fox News so the man started surfing, which is interesting because he has never heard of any of the channels offered with the exception of news and NETFLIX.  Netflix has been lousy lately so I stupidly suggested You Tube.  Are you ready for this ? . . .   D had NO IDEA what youtube was !!!!  Not a clue !! Who doesn't know about youtube ????  Seriously !!  So in my explanation of what this new channel was all about I used the example of, (How could I be sooooooo stupid), HALIBUT FISHING.  For the past hour we have been watching video after video of people on boats pulling in fish and beating them to death with large clubs.

It was so bad I had to open my computer and resort to blogging about Chewing Tobacco.

A NEW KIND OF AEROBICS

Have you googled Aerobics lately looking for just the right exercise plan for you? I have NOT since exercise is not in my vocabulary but I am sure there are at least 12 thousand programs to choose from. There are water aerobics, very popular in Florida among the senior population, chair aerobics which are very popular with the Senior senior citizens who don't like to get wet and probably bed aerobics for those of us who really don't like to exercise but since our doctor says we should do something physical for 30 minutes a day we can justify laying in bed an extra half hour in the morning wiggling our fingers and toes. (I'm really not so sure about the validity of that last one but I'll bet anything there is some sort of video out there for bed aerobics.)

I DO NOT EXERCISE . . . It is a know fact that I will flat out lie to my doctor every 6 months and tell her, with a straight face, that, "Of course I exercise daily!" She knows full well I am lying through my teeth but she just humors me and we move on. I consider a walk to the bathroom, fridge and bed the complete exercise program needed for someone my age. That was until I moved into this 6 wheeled rolling gymnasium.

Once upon a time I lived in a house with stairs. Stairs to the basement where I had to go almost daily to do laundry. Stairs to the top floor where the bedroom was, so that was at least 3 trips a day, down in the morning, laundry up during the day, change of clothes a few times a day and of course, going to bed at night. There were even a few steps from the front walk up to the front door. Lots of opportunity for exercise.
When we bought a condo in Florida we bought one on the second floor thinking it would be "safer" and maybe breezier. That got old pretty fast when you went to the grocery store and had to lug 6 bags of groceries up that HUGE flight of steps. (It wasn't that huge but it did take the wind out of you when you were carrying a six pack and a pizza.)
FINALLY we bought the Florida house that had ZERO steps. Now that was heaven. The only steps we felt with were the 4 steps into the pool. When I sold that house and rented condos the prominent factor was ALWAYS " NO STAIRS"! And so for the past 19 years of my life I have not had to move this body up or down more than on step a week.

Fast Forward to the rolling gym. Moving into this thing for a month is a challenge enough but add to that the daily aerobics program I'm sure I will be dead by August. Aerobics are supposed to make you healthier but RV aerobics are more like the Iron Man marathon or the Olympics, all without the reward of a gold medal. The aerobics program here started even before we left the drive way so I was lured into believing I could actually manage this.

We begin slowly with the basic KNEE BEND AND STRETCH. (Usually a warm up activity) While standing in the stationary RV you bend down to place items in the cabinet under the sink and then stretch up to put more items in the overhead compartments. Because the overhead compartments are made for someone with the reach of a giraffe I have to get the little one step step stool. So far so good.
Once this exercise is mastered we have the step up/ step down of 3 steps that are about 12 feet high. Going from the ground up on to the pull out step, then on to the bottom step of the RV and finally up into the RV itself. Thankfully there is a handrail on the left outside the door and one on the right inside the RV.  Not only do I get the leg exercise of stepping up and down but my biceps/triceps are getting HUGE from all the pulling I am doing trying to get myself up the 3 steps.

NOW we are ready to add the ultimate factor to this already strenuous program. START YOUR ENGINES and lets get rolling down the road. Once "air born" we can add the SIDE BEND AND STRETCH. This exercise involves sitting in the front seat and bending sideways and stretching backwards until your shoulder joint pops out. It is a painful exercise and should never be attempted from the drivers seat while the vehicle is in motion. This stretch usually leads into the bend and crawl because when an item can not be reached with just the bend and stretch it is necessary to bend so far sideways that you fall out your seat and crawl into the main portion of the RV. Once in the cabin you attempt to stand. As simple as this sounds it is necessary to factor in the road hazards of Canada and Alaska. Unlike anywhere else on the Northern Continent the roads in Canada and Alaska do not develop potholes. They rather buckle and roll like the worst roller coaster at Six Flags. This "permafrost" phenomenon (which I have yet to fully understand), produces a rolling road that equates to paddling a canoe in 8 foot seas. The RV hits these "rolls" which cause the front to fly into the air while the back is slamming down. (Sort of riding a bucking bronco in a rodeo, although I think that might be easier.) All this motion leads us into the JUMP AND BOUNCE portion of the aerobic program. While being bounced up and down you are also being tossed from side to side like the ball in a pin ball machine. All this motion strengthens your ankles and wrists since they are taking the brunt of the exercise. (NOTE . . .Helmets and shin guards are recommended during this portion of the program.)

BUT the ultimate test to the jump and bounce is when you are standing in the moving RV and working with food. All the previous exercises have only been a lead in to the FINAL test. Can you stand in the kitchen doing all these exercises at the same time and still make a bologna sandwich ?
Hopefully knives are NOT involved and the mustard will not become airborne just as you are ready to spread it on the bread. I have learned NEVER to serve grapes with lunch as they roll off the plate way too easily and fly all over the RV floor.  When this happens you just kiss them up to God and move on, hopefully not stepping on them as you make the return journey to the front seat.

As for getting back into the front seat while balancing a sandwich and drink, (water for the driver something a LOT stronger for the passenger) it is necessary to incorporate all exercises and to also add the ROLL OVER PLOP ! This is the last exercise for the day and it involves a deep knee bend, a slight turn sideways and a roll over the seat arm and a plop into the seat, all without dropping lunch or falling sideways into the drivers lap at 80 miles an hour.

Once the days journey is ended you get to cool down with a gentle fall out of the seat and onto the ground where you can remain until morning and start this all over again.

IDITAROD WANNABES

When someone mentions Alaska to you what do you picture first ? I'm pretty sure SNOW is in your thoughts at some point and with snow I usually think Dog Sleds in Alaska.

I'm learning a lot about dog sledding because Dwayne's grand daughter volunteers at a sled dog training facility. She has run several races these past couple of winters and she usually finishes in the top 10. There is also a neighbor on the street who has worked the Iditarod for years and loves working with the "mushers". Between the two of them I'm picking up a few bits of knowledge about this sport.

For one thing it's not just huskies that are used. All sorts of breeds are used including some smaller dogs. It is very important to choose the right dogs for your sled. They have to be smart, sociable AND strong.  The "alpha" dog gets put in the front so the other dogs follow it's lead and the 2 strongest dogs are placed right in front of the sled because they do most of the pulling. If your dogs fight with each other you will never get anywhere.

 At last years Iditarod the guy who was way out ahead stopped his team for a rest and 2 of the dogs got into a fight. Instead of pulling them apart he YELLED at them and the dogs the dogs didn't like that so they just sat down and wouldn't pull any more so he lost the race.

All this being said, there is a collection of dogs living on this street that could probably put an Iditarod dog team to shame. They probably couldn't pull for shit but they have the barking part down pat. On this small street of maybe 8 houses there are at least 9 dogs. This house alone has FOUR (4) LARGE dogs. (And I do mean LARGE!) Three of them are some sort of Labrador and the fourth looks like a Weimaraner. She is a sweet old thing and can barely make it up the front steps these days but put someone on a bicycle riding down the road and she is right out there with the other 40 dogs barking and running and scaring the living daylights out of the unsuspecting slob who made the mistake of turning into this street. The "pack" consists of about 5 different Labs, Dakota the Weimaraner, an Akita that is enormous and one springer spaniel. None of them fight with each other but they are a formidable looking group when together.

Now the reason I bring all this up is that today D and I decided to take a short nap around 1:00 in the afternoon. Having had a terrible night's sleep last night I was out like a light in a matter of minutes. Apparently someone dared to walk, drive, ride down this street and the dogs went NUTS.  They were all out there barking their heads off which did NOT wake me because it is such a common occurrence I just block it out and roll over. What DID wake me was Mr. Man slamming the window of the RV open and yelling at the top of his lungs, "CUT IT OUT!"  Which  of course all the dogs totally ignored and just continued with their vocal attack.

So much for a quiet afternoon nap!

CINDER . . .F---ING . . . ELLA

When is a vacation not a vacation ? When you are the female who ends up doing EVERYTHING because you are the stupid one who always says, "Here, let me help you with that".

Let me venture to say I am not alone in this phenomenon. I was talking to my daughter today who is "On Vacation" in Wyoming with her family and living in an RV for 2 weeks. (It is not a SMALL RV but it is a house on wheels non the less. They have been on the road for 8 days and today was her Cinder f---ing Ella day. ( I have hit my "I'VE HAD IT" day several times in the past 3 weeks but today also was my worst day yet. Maybe there is a full moon or something). Vacations ARE fun but only when things are running smoothly. And how do things run smoothly ? Well, that happens when someone steps up and makes sure everything that needs doing gets done. And who might that someone be you may ask . . .  Well, we know FOR SURE who it ISN'T !  And apparently it isn't just my man because it was always the same with Ger and now it seems it is the same for my daughter. (I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree.)

The thing that REALLY pisses me off is that I, (and Keri and just about every other woman I know), cause my (our) own problem.  We think we are being helpful when instead we are creating monsters that come to depend on us for EVERYTHING.  My mother was my example and it seems I have become a terrible example for my daughter. We want things to run smoothly so we "take charge" of everything and in doing so allow/encourage the men folk to just sit back and let us run with it. As much as I piss and moan about the men in my life I see that they are extremely smart creatures, They get us sucked in to thinking we are so smart and capable that we should handle everything and then they just sit back and reap the rewards, And if we complain about being over worked or stressed they just say, "But I thought you wanted to be in charge." Or as Ger used to say, I become a  "control freak'. That man was extremely good at letting me grab the reins and run with them.  When something fell flat on its face he could just shrug his shoulders and point a finger at me and say, "I thought you wanted to take control".

It's not even a question of "control" as it is a matter of just getting things done in a timely fashion. We all know that men do not know how to tell time, except when it is time for a sports event to start. Then they know EXACTLY what time it is and what needs to be done in order for them to be set in front of the TV with a beer in their hand. When it comes to anything else there is not a clock in their realm so they have no schedule at all. Dinner can be served at 2 in the afternoon  or 11 at night. they don't care as long as it IS served. We on the other hand are running around all day making sure the laundry is done, the house is cleaned and  the chicken gets into the oven at a particular time so it can be served at a reasonable hour. And should we as for help with one of these things the answer is ALWAYS the same . . .  "Sure Dear, I'll GET TO IT." Translation of that is, "Don't bug me now the ......... game is on"

All this is the same whether you are at home or traveling three thousand miles across the United States. YOU are the one who is responsible for having all the blankets, pillows, food, water, clothes, toiletries, reservations, snacks, and what ever while the man sits behind the wheel and hums "Yankee Doodle". And when you land in a spot it is YOU who gets to "take Charge" and have dinner on the table for everyone even though you have spent the entire day "babysitting" for your hosts kid while doing all the dishes from last night's dinner and  . . . . . . . . .  (Sorry, Now I'm just venting.)

I'm tired !  Keri is tired!  We are all tired and just want to go home to our own quiet house where we don't have to cook or clean or do ANYTHING on anyone else schedule but our own.

I Booked my flight back to Florida today and July 12 can't come soon enough. I don't care that it is 101 degrees in Palm Beach Gardens. As long as my bed is there, my TV is there and NO ONE else is there!
 

DA Duh DA. DING

This sound that Dwayne's phone makes when some one sends him a text message.
           Da duh Da DING!!
It's that  DING that really gets your attention. And when the phone DING'S at 2 in the morning or at 7:00 AM it REALLY gets your attention.

F----------------------------------K is the sound that Dwayne makes when his  phone goes off at 2 in the morning or 7:00 AM.  ( I won't even begin to tell you what I have to say at these times but you know it isn't nice.  And the crazy thing about this is IT IS ALWAYS the same person texting at these stupid hours. Why she has to text at these times is beyond our understanding All we know is we are going to KILL her the next time we  see her.

I understand how people who never travel can forget that there are time zones across the entire world. Here in the good old US of A we have 4 different time zones and folks living on the East coast can sometimes forget that here in Alaska we are at the total opposite end of the country and thus are FOUR  hours behind the time in Maine. When it is 5 PM in Portland, Maine it is 2 PM in Portland Oregon. (Only a 3 hour difference there.) Come up to Alaska and we are even earlier than the East coast. If it 11 AM in, lets say Michigan, it is ONLY 7 IN THE MORNING in Alaska.  DON'T CALL!
If it is 11 PM in ALASKA it is 3 IN THE MORNING in Michigan or Florida or wherever on the East coast we happen to be.

You know the battle cry, "REMEMBER THE ALAMO"?  I am having a sign made for this person who lives in Alaska that reads, "REMEMBER THE TIME DIFFERENCE"!
It is bad enough when we are in Florida and she wakes us at 2 AM but now that we are here in Alaska SHE has traveled to Michigan and is now waking us at 6 or 7 AM.

Now you must be thinking, "Well, if you have to get in touch with someone about something important then it rally shouldn't matter what time it is. Yes, I agree ! BUT . . . Here is a sample of the massages we get at 2 AM . . . "HI DWAYNE!" . . .  "ARE YOU AWAKE?" . . .   "HOW ARE YOU DOING?" . . .  It could be any one of these three same messages at any given time. There is nothing earth shattering needed, no deaths or births to report, no tornado warning, NOTHING of any importance. Just the same REALLY annoying text. Again and again and again.

We have tried everything from answering right away but that encourages more texts. If we ignore the message the phone just continues to DING so we have to at least wake up enough to find the freaking phone and read the message. Not responding is usually the best way to handle the situation except for the times when the sender must have nothing better to do or possibly have had way too much beer to drink and will persist until they receive an answer.

So far Dwayne has NOT allowed me to send a response because he knows it would not be very nice and we really have to at least be civil.

My solution is to fling the phone as far into the yard as possible and then run it over with a truck. (I would prefer to fling the sender of the message into the yard and run her over with a truck but I would probably end up in jail. Although I think any jury who heard the circumstances probably would acquit me.) And so for now I have D sleep with the phone under HIS pillow so at least it won't wake me up.

Another solution would be to get a new phone that can be shut down at night but that is pretty radical.