SUCH A BUSY GUY

 The Man is EXHAUSTED !!!!  He had such a busy day yesterday that he is just exhausted.  

The Man made an appointment at the VA for yesterday at 1:00.   I have asked him over and over to be sure to check the calendar before he makes any appointments.   It's not like he can't find the calendar.  It is hanging on the kitchen wall right next to the fridge.  And should he not be able to find that onE there is a large 2 year desk calendar sitting on my desk. I have learned to use all my kindergarten tricks to help The Man be sure to keep track of appointments for himself.  I write ALL appointments on both calendars. Then I highlight them with either pink for me or blue for him.  Green if it something we will do together. (There aren't many green ones!) I have done this color coded system for at least 4 years now and I think it works great.  We can be sitting at the counter in the kitchen and just look across the room to see the calendar so we can always see who is going where on the next day.  I also ask that when The Man makes an appointment he write it on the calendar. It's a loosing battle.

About a week ago I came home to find that The Man had made an appointment all by his little self. He was very proud of himself and I hated to burst his bubble by telling him I already had an appointment for that day but because it was an hour and a half earlier than his meeting he was convinced it would be fine. The appointment was with a new doctor at the VA but he had no idea what it was for. The VA had called him and it was an appointment that I really should go to with him. He kept telling me I would have PLENTY of time to go to my appointment and then come home, pick him up for his appointment.  Having been to the imaging center at the local hospital every year since I have lived here I know how much they always are running behind,  I tried to explain this to The Man but he was having none of it.   So off I went and home he sat waiting for me to return.  After sitting for 45 minutes at the hospital I texted The Man and told him he would have to go to the VA alone because I had not even gotten into the imaging room, no less have the bone scan.  Off he went alone for his 1:00 meeting and I continued to sit another 15 minutes before being seen.

Here's where it gets insane.   I got out of my appointment at 1:00.  Since I was out and about and The Man was preoccupied I decided to go to the post office and mail The Man's Christmas packages to his 4 grand daughters.  Of course there was a line.  Thirty five minutes later I left the post office and decided to visit Cousin Lu Lu who had just gotten out of the hospital on Sunday.  She was happy to see me but was disappointed that she didn't have her makeup on for my visit.  I got her powder and lipstick so she could get her "face on".  Then she needed her jewelry that had been taken off when she went into the hospital.I found her bracelet, a couple of her rings but the earrings were a challenge.  I finally found ones that she thought would look good with her cotton nightgown.  Once she was gussied up I took her picture so she could see just how "good" she looked.  Then I showed her a picture of her younger sister who just had a stroke and looks like HELL.   Lu Lu was shocked !!!  Her comment .. .  "Well, SHE was always the pretty one.  Now I am the pretty one !!"   (That's pure Lu Lu).   After we got past the makeup and jewelry I offered to pull out her Christmas decorations and decorate her room.  She loved that !! I left there at 3:15 and headed home. 

EXCEPT I needed to. pick up Christmas cards for The Mans grand daughters so I stopped at the dollar store.  Then at the gas station to fill up and because it was now going on 4:00 and I had NOTHING planned for dinner, I stopped at the grocery store and bought some salmon cakes.

I walked into my house at 4:15 feeling beat up and dragged through the mud.   As usual The Man was sitting on the couch watching TV as I came in and sat in my recliner to ask about his appointment. I put my feet up and asked him how he made out.  

He was EXHAUSTED !   He had to walk down a long corridor and back when he got to the VA. The appointment was a complete waste of time and he was EXHAUSTED.   

I commiserated with him for a few minutes before I got back up to make dinner.  

He doesn't have a clue what exhausted IS !!!!!!!!

AND HE FLEW HELICOPTERS ???????

 I don't know how many times a day I mutter the words to myself, " He flew helicopters???"   The words are usually followed by a statement such as, "But he can't figure out how to open the front door." I guess it is the "simple" things in life that stump the male mind.   

On my first visit to Alaska with The Man he took me over to the Army base in Fairbanks where he had been stationed for the final 4 years of his Army career. On the base there is a helicopter simulator where the pilots in training learn the fundamentals of flying one of these massive machines. Let me tell you that just climbing into the seat was a challenge.  Once seated there was the largest mass of screens, handles, buttons, wires, monitors, FOOT PEDALS, and heaven knows what else.  God love the young guy who was in charge of training on this complicated machine because he managed to not scream out in panic or curse at me for destroying his simulator.  It was beyond overwhelming and yet The Man flew these things for over ten years.   But he can't figure out the TV remote.

This morning he asked me how to put the batteries into the remote for our bed. That conversation started with his asking if I was having trouble with the remote on my side of the bed.  They are two different remotes and work separately for the two halves of the bed.  Why the workings of one remote would affect the other remote I have no idea. When I told him he probably needed new batteries he asked where the batteries were?  (We use a LOT of batteries in our homes so he KNOWS where the batteries are.). OK, I'll give him that question.  When I got out the batteries he asked where they went in the remote.  You know exactly where I wanted to tell him to stick the batteries but I kept it civil.  Once told where the batteries go he actually asked how to open the battery compartment !  It was about this time I started muttering, "And he flew helicopters ??????"

There are at least three times a day that I ponder this fact. Perhaps because he was 40 years younger things were simpler for his poor little brain.  The one thing that he NEVER has trouble with is finding his morning donut or his evening ice cream.  Although he does have trouble finding the spoons.  Maybe that is because I am now intentionally putting things in places other where they are normally kept.  

Sometimes my evil side just needs a little fun. 

W H Y ????????

 I am confused as to why The Man would answer a statement I made with the question "WHY ?" .  Please enlighten me with your thoughts on the following.  Really . . . email me if you can explain this to me. Mscathny@gmail.com.  

Yesterday The Man was sitting on the bed after he had come out of the shower.  He wasn't watching TV or anything.  Just sitting there catching his breath. As I walked across the room I saw some pills on my dresser that I had forgotten to take earlier in the day. I said "#@%&$#, I forgot to take my pills today!" To which The Man responded, "WHY?"  That stopped me dead in my tracks ! I turned toward him with a total look of puzzlement on my face .  I couldn't help myself, I had to respond with,    "WHY?????  Why did I FORGET to take my pills ?????  Why would you ask why I forgot?"  I mean really ???  Asking a person why they FORGOT something is like asking them why they breathe.  Forgetting something is not done by choice.  If it was I would totally forget that I should be nice to people who say stupid things. Why would you ask someone why they forgot something ??  If the tables were reversed I probably would have answered the statement, "I forgot to take my pills" with something like, "Well THAT sucks!", or, "Is it too late to take them now", or even "I do that all the time".  But I would NOT ask "WHY"   

Am I crazy to think that was about the stupidest thing to say in response to my comment about forgetting to take my pills? 

I stood there in the middle of the bedroom just looking at The Man trying to figure out if he really said what I thought he did or perhaps he had a stroke and was just talking nonsense.  I am still pondering this whole encounter.  

Today we started fresh to see how many ways this man can make me nuts. It didn't take long at all ! When I got up this morning he was sitting at the kitchen counter reading the paper. Because it was 9AM on a Sunday morning and the TV was not already turned on I asked The Man if he would mind if I turned on CBS Sunday Morning show.  I enjoy this program and have watched it off and on for well over a decade. It's a hit or miss thing but there is always some part of the show that I find interesting.  The Man thought this was a great idea so the 2 of us sat down to watch.  During one of the commercials there was an advertisement for the Green Bay Packers game at 1:00 this afternoon.  The Packers are The Man and his brothers favorite team so it's almost sacrilegious to miss a game.  Since football is now a BIG MONEY sport it is often difficult to find the Packer games on a staton that will broadcast in our area. The sports world wants you to spend hundreds of dollars on a special sports package for TV viewing. So when the advertisement came on our TV saying we could watch the game on Paramount + I thought we had it made.  SILLY ME !    I told The Man I thought we had a subscription to Paramount + and I would check it out before game time.

When "Sunday Morning" ended at 10:30 I went into the kitchen to get something to eat so I could take todays pills. (I couldn't "choose" to forget them again.) As I walked into the kitchen The Man said, "Are you going to see if we can get the game?" I just kept walking while explaining that I needed to eat some breakfast first so I would work on the TV AFTER I ate.  (I did mutter a few things under my breath but kept going.) By 11:30 I was ready to tackle the TV! Realizing full well this would not be easy.  And it wasn't !!!  Going around and around with passwords and subscriptions, one site after another it ended up that this particular game was NOT available in our area on any of the subscription channels that we have accounts with.  I think if we lived in a yurt in the Himalayas we would probably have been able to watch the game but living South Florida we could not.  All this searching took about and hour after which point I wanted NOTHING to do with The Man, football or the TV.    

So I decided to clean outlay pantry.  It was a lovely 2 hour project where I purged, spilled, rearranged and cursed.   Very cathartic after the last 24 hours.

THE BELT

Yesterday I was going to write about "Talking To My Shoe" because it is getting more and more frustrating trying to talk with The Man.  My friend Theresa and I decided that wives need to wear "body cams" like the police so that every conversation we have with our husbands can be recorded with sound and video. There is nothing more frustrating than having a conversation with your spouse that he does not remember twenty-seconds later.  When you try to tell them you DID discuss what ever with them they swear you never told them anything. We wives need PROOF!!!  I think this is a loosing battle because talking with The Man is like talking to my shoe.

But that was yesterdays issue.  Today is a whole other day !   A whole other frustration !

Traveling back and forth between Florida and Michigan is problematic for The Man. I understand the oxygen issues. We HAVE to carry all sorts of supplies with us.  I understand the medication issues. We both have to carry all our medications with us. What I DO NOT understand is the wardrobe issue that seems to plague The Man. It is really quite simple when you think about it.  We have "PERMANENT" housing in both places.  The Man owns the farm in Michigan.  He has lived there for the past 30 years. The house has rooms FULL of stuff, including his clothing that ranges from winter in Alaska to summer in Michigan, (which can sometimes be quite similar).  The Man has more clothes than I do and that is hard to imagine.

Early on in this mobile relationship I figured out I needed to have 2 separate wardrobes.  Clothes to leave in Michigan and clothes that stay in Florida. I have a minimal assortment of both cold and warm weather items in both locations. (I will say that my MI wardrobe is expanding each year because the weather up there is so unpredictable.)  When we travel we both wear comfy sweat pants and loose tee shirts to maximize our comfort for all the hours in the car.  When we arrive at our destinations MY "travel clothes" get put in a suitcase where they remain until we get ready to make the journey once again. I also have a "bathroom bag" that remains packed with toothpaste, tooth brush, hair brush, deodorant etc. The bathroom bag gets put into that same suitcase that contains the travel clothes.  Other than changes of underwear and socks I don't need to think about packing anything.  (But if that REALLY were the case why is the car always packed to the roof with stuff ?)

ANYWAY . . .That is how I manage MY wardrobes.  You Know Who has a whole different take on this issue.  With all the clothes that The Man has at the farm he always wears the same 5 shirts.  It is those 5 shirts that travel back and forth with us.  Same with the 2 pair of shoes, his 2 pair of slippers, one pair of jeans, one pair of shorts and one belt.  He packs up his toothbrush and tooth paste, razor and comb because Heaven forbid he would use one of the forty three thousand tooth brushes or combs that are in the cabinet at the farm.  I keep trying to tell him he could leave clothes in Florida so he wouldn't have to pack each time but that idea never takes root.  I have given up on that issue. 

With all the packing and unpacking going on in the poor mans life is it any wonder he would forget SOMETHING ?   (I WILL NOT pack for him.  NO NO NO  !!!!!).   We have been back in Florida for just over a month now so I am surprised it has taken The Man this long to realize his pants are falling down. But then, he lives in workout shorts when he is here so there is no need for a belt.  It wasn't until one of our trips to a doctor last. week that it suddenly dawned on The Man that he had no belt to hold up his pants.  Of course I was immediately notified of this crisis because I think he expected me to produce the missing belt out of thin air or possibly out of my butt.  What ever he thought it wasn't happening because the key to this issue is HIS belt, not mine, so HE has to deal with it.   (May sound cruel but I have found that the more I do the more he expects. I did learn that lesson with Husband but I apparently forgot!)

The search for the belt has been ongoing for a week now. There are only so many places the belt could be and he looked in all 3 of them at least five hundred times.  Each time there was a running narrative as to where he was looking and WHY isn't the belt there ?     Today I had enough and caved in.  I went on  Amazon and looked for mens belts.     HA.  !!!

FIRST comment from The Man was . . .   $15 for a BELT !!!!!!!!!!  Who pays $15 for a belt ????  (Apparently a lot of people because that was one of the cheapest belts on there. )  We continued to search until he found one for $9.98 !!!!  That was the one for him.  (Never mind that is probably made of recycled spinach, the price is right.)   

Now comes the fun part . . . WHAT SIZE ?    We have had the discussion of his waist size for the past couple of weeks.   Along with the belt The Man brought with him a pair of shorts that are at least three hundred years old, frayed beyond belief and rattier than a drowned rat in a mud puddle.  But these are his favorite shorts.  (He has at least 3 other pair which I have bought for him over the years. They are all the same color and style as the ratty pair but he refuses to wear them.). Last week I was going shopping so I asked him if he wanted me to buy him yet another pair of shorts and if so WHAT SIZE waist ???  He told me 32 inches.   Now The Man is not fat by any means but he also is no longer 40 years old.  We women know how things tend to sag and settle as we age. The Man has apparently not looked in a mirror in the past 40 years so he still thinks that because his weight stays the same he still has the same body.  I suggested I get out the tape measure to see exactly what IT said just to make sure before we invest ALL that money in a belt.   He was in the middle of muttering that HE KNOWS what size waist he has when his phone rang so as he stood talking I wrapped the tape measure around him and came up with 37 inches.   (Do your math . . .   5 inch difference.) 

Naturally when he got off the phone he had forgotten what we had been talking about so I handed him the tape measure and suggested HE measure his own waist.   I got push back on that idea until I told him I HAD measured his waist but I thought he should do it himself.  He asked what number I got and when I told him thirty seven inches he reacted EXACTLY how I expected.  

"NO !!!!!     IMPOSSIBLE !!!      YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG !!!!!   IT CAN'T BE !!!!!!"

The Man took the tape measure, wrapped it around his belly and said . . .   NOTHING !  . . .   HUM ??? Why ever would he not say anything ???   Being the very smart lady that I am I too said nothing.   I did say that he really didn't need an exact measure because belts were made to go between a range of inches.  As in Small might be 28-32 inches.   Medium might be 32-36 inches and so on.    

We ordered the MEDIUM . . . Sure hope it fits !

DOOR NUMBER ONE

 Every now and then I enjoy a good game show but I was never one to spend my day watching TV.  Soap operas and game shows were usually on during the day and I was always, (and still am), too busy to watch much daytime TV.  Occasionally I might catch a few minutes here and there so I know a little about the classic "Price is Right" and "Lets Make a Deal". I think it is one of those two that had the contestants choose between door number one, door number two or door number three.  That part of the show always fascinated me because life is a lot like that.  Should I go to the grocery store first, the cleaners or the gas station? (That one is a no brainer because if I don't get gas first I'm not getting to go anywhere.). I will sometimes think about my life and wonder what it would be like had I chosen a different "door" along the way. 

Enough of the mind bending thoughts . . . 

Today I thought it was time to give The Man a break and turn the tables. I am always writing about the silly and annoying things The Man does but he does not have it all that easy. Living with me is a game show the likes of none you will ever see on TV.  Some days it's a comedy, some days a tragedy but always it is a mystery.  

Each morning when The Man gets up, (almost always before me),  he gathers himself together and quietly leaves the bedroom.  As he exits out to the kitchen he very thoughtfully closes the bedroom door. I greatly appreciate this !! Whether in Michigan or in Florida this is his morning routine.  Once in the kitchen he takes his pills, does breathing treatments, (of which there are several). He will then go and get the paper from just outside the door of the lanai, make a cup of coffee and almost always sit at the kitchen counter, (or table in MI) while he reads the paper and has his coffee and donuts.  The Man will remain at this spot until I get up.

When I get up in morning I stagger around in the dark bedroom for a few minutes and then my first action of the day is to open the curtains on the windows to flood the bedroom with as much light as possible. This is The Man's first indication that the dragon is awake it it's lair.  The Man can see the light under the bedroom door so he knows to be prepared for what will emerge. 

The game is on . . .     WHAT will come forth from Door Number One ???????????????

Sitting in the kitchen The Man awaits for any sign of what he is in store for.  Are there loud noises coming from beyond the door ? That is usually NOT a good sign.  The longer it takes for the door to open the more chance there is that something ugly will burst forth. Likewise, if it is fairly quiet with an occasional small rattle or bump then it is possible that the dragon is in a more subdued state.  Dead silence is the worst.  That could mean anything. 

The thing of it is, I also never know what will come out of the door. I can be in a perfectly good mood, puttering around the bedroom, pulling myself together to face the day but once I open that door anything can happen. I can take one look at The Man sitting quietly in the kitchen and who knows where my mood will take me. In a split second I can go from "Happy Days" to "The Creature from the Black Lagoon". And caught in the middle of all this sits this poor guy who had NO idea what he was in for. 

I do love a good mystery.

IT IS TOO COLD

 A quick refresher for anyone who reads my ramblings . . . I am back in South Florida after a WONDERFUL, relaxing, cool and sunny summer in Northern Michigan.  Apparently Florida had one of the hottest summers on record so I was very happy to not be there.  Michigan's summer was PERFECT on all counts.  Sunny days, (it was one of the driest summers in years), the farm always had a cool breeze off the lake so the 80 degree temperatures didn't seem all that hot.

 I KNOW the difference between hot and cold. I am also assuming The Man knows the difference between heat and frost because that is supposedly the reason he wants to be in Florida for the winter. 

When we left Michigan in early October the temperatures were still quite pleasurable. Colder nights but not yet below freezing, cool days but not quite cold enough to break out jackets or sweat shirts.  According to all my contacts in Florida the temperatures in the Sunshine State were cooling off, the humidity was dropping and the ocean breezes had returned. It was a great time to make the journey south. The 4 day trip was excellent, no problems, traffic wasn't too bad with the exception of a few areas of construction. We were fairly relaxed and not too exhausted by the time we arrived, emptied the car and settled in. (Thanks to the assistance of my daughter and 2 grand kids who would make awesome Sherpas for Kent when he leaves for Mt. Everest Base Camp next week. A whole other blog for a future date.) 

So here we are in South Florida and the weather is pretty great.  A little warm in the middle of the day but we are out on the Lanai for breakfast, reading the paper and starting our day.  By 4:00 it is beginning to cool down enough to return to the lanai to do some gardening or reading.  (I can always find something inside or out to keep me busy when we aren't running off to another doctor appointment.) Life is good and we are happy to be in Florida. (Sort of. . . again, another blog for another day.)

Back to it being too cold . . .  Most days I can predict where I will find The Man at any given moment on any given day.   He is a creature of habit and routine . . .boring!  When I get up in the morning I know exactly where he will be. I open the bedroom door and sure enough, there he is sitting at the kitchen counter (the Florida version of the Michigan kitchen table), either reading the paper or checking his email while having a cup of coffee, (only one), and a couple of donuts, (always 2).  He is never sure if or when I will burst forth from the bedroom or if I will offer to make breakfast or not.  (Hell,  I don't know if I'm cooking breakfast until the offer comes out of my mouth.)  Occasionally I might find The Man actually sitting outside on the lanai having his coffee and donuts out there.  But most days he is at the kitchen counter even though the reason we are in Florida for the winter is to be able to be OUTSIDE more !!!!!  On most early mornings the air is still damp and sometimes even steamy. As the sun comes up the air dries out so it is more comfortable to sit outside.  In the afternoon it cools off as the sun moves across the lanai so if it has been a hot day it now becomes much more comfortable to be outside. 

Unless you are The Man. . ..  Last week the heat returned along with higher humidity. It was too steamy to be outside in the morning and too hot to sit out during the day.  The Man stayed inside.   He then puts himself into the mindset that it is too hot so he won't even check outside to see if MAYBE it has cooled down.  In his mind if the sun is shining,  it is HOT.   (Just like in Michigan he assumes it is COLD if there are any clouds in the sky.  It could be 85 degrees but if it isn't sunny then it must be cold. )

One of the days last week I had to go out around noon and it was warm. The Man was inside as expected. When I returned four hours later after sitting inside visiting my cousin, (again, an other blog for another day),  the day had cooled down considerably,  the wind had really picked up and the humidity had dropped so that it was very comfortable and lovely. As I was driving home I called The Man to say I was on my way. I told him how beautiful it was outside and suggested we could have dinner on the lanai because it was so delightful outside. I figured he had not been out of the house all day so this would be the perfect time to get some fresh air.    SILLY ME.    I arrived home to find him inside sitting in front of the TV, (of course watching Fox News).  I came in and asked why he wasn't out sitting on the lanai.  I bet you know exactly what his answer was . . .    Yup . . .   he thought it was TOO COLD !!!  

I didn't even try . . .  I went in and changed my clothes, took my phone and went out onto the lanai. When I sat down I checked my weather app on my phone.  Want to guess what the temperature was ???????

                                                            EIGHTY FOUR DEGREES  !!!!!!!!!!!

Anyone else out there think 84 degrees is too cold ?

THURSDAY !!!!!! ON THURSDAY !!!!!

 @%#&%*$@?&%.  I just got off the phone with Cousin Lu.  God Bless her!  God Help ME !!!!!

The Man and I have returned to Florida and 3 days in I am already wishing it was May so I could be on my way back to Michigan. 

 It is HOT here and too humid to go outside. That will change soon and it will be feeling more like the Florida I love.  

  I have a guest bedroom filled with bags that still need to be emptied of "stuff" that I brought back down with us.  (I have no idea why I bring all this stuff.) All that crap needs to be put away.  My condo is filled with teeny tiny dead bugs and dust so all that needs to be cleaned up. I have made 3 trips to the grocery store and I am still missing a bunch of things.  (I make a list, shop from the list and when I get home I find there are ten additional things I forgot to put on the list.).  There was a lizard in my shower tonight when I opened the shower door and I have cousin Lu asking me "When are you coming to see me?" 

It is this last item that is making me crazy!

My cousin is the QUEEN of guilt. And she's not even Jewish or Irish. She tells me she loves where she is living BUT she still complains about EVERYTHING !!  She says the people aren't friendly.  I know why! All Cousin Lu talks about is herself so no one wants to listen to the same stories about how wonderful she is.  The woman has been spoiled all her life and doesn't have a clue how to get along with people. And so she drives everyone away.  Yet I keep coming back.  Go figure.

Yesterday my phone rang at 9:00 in the morning. (I have been home 3 days) All summer I have talked to Lu on the phone and every time she asked a minimum of 10 times, "Are you home yet?" And every time I answered that I would be back in time for her birthday, which is October 17.    (Her birthday is one of the few things Lu can remember because it is all about her. ). Using her birthday as a focus helped her remember when I would return to Florida.  (She can't remember how old she is but she knows she has a birthday coming.) So yesterday when she asked if I was home yet I thought she would be happy to know I was finally in Florida. Silly me !!!  No "Oh Good! How was your trip?" . . .  That would have been too much for me to expect.  Instead I got, "How long have you been home?  Why haven't you come to see me?"   I told her AGAIN I would see her for her birthday but that wasn't good enough.  She used the excuse that she had some papers that I needed to look at RIGHT AWAY !!!!  (How I could have done that from Michigan I have no idea but because I was now in Florida I HAD to come right away.  I told her I would come by "tomorrow" and we could go through everything then.  

And this is where I needed Divine Intervention to keep me from ever seeing this woman again. 

"What day is tomorrow?" says Lu.  I tell her tomorrow is Thursday.  "What day is today?' says cousin Lu.  I tell her it is Wednesday, She then asks if I am coming to see her on Wednesday?  I tell her "No, I will see you on Thursday" "Oh" says Lu, "Today is Thursday",   I tell her NO, I will come TOMORROW,  on THURSDAY!" . She says, "OH, today is Thursday?" I respond, "No, today is Wednesday, tomorrow is Thursday". Lu says, "OK, I'll see you on Wednesday"  . . . and on and on it went from there. (Reminiscent of "Who's on First" by Abbott and Costello. ) I finally told her I would see here after she had breakfast tomorrow, something she could understand. 

Today I went to visit Cousin Lu.  I opened her door and she said, "Oh my, you are finally home ! I though you weren't coming home until Wednesday."  It continued on down hill from there.