Work with me here because I know most of this will sound totally over the top and convince you that the papers for the "funny farm" should be filled out and submitted.
Last weekend was VILE ! Lots of reasons for my poor state of mind . . . Thanksgiving was over and Kyle and Roman had gone home and I was really missing them. Ger's brain was working at an all time low and I do NOT deal well with stupidity. The man was really pissing me off because he just had no brain power at all and was asking the same questions over and over among many other things. (If anyone in this family is going to get Alzheimer's it should be me because I really don't handle caring for someone who is not using all their burners.) Combine these 2 things with the fact that I ate way too many sweets this vacation and it threw me into a funk. (One of my OA friends swears that sugar and junk food make her a blubbering mess who can't stop crying. I am seeing that this is very true for me also.) Bottom line, I was feeling super bitchy and mean and I started cursing out (this is where it gets weird for you), Satan. As in THE DEVIL. I am always talking to God, looking for strength and peace and what ever but I always ignore Satan because I despise him. But feeling as pissed and nasty as I was I decided to give good old Mr. Devil a great big "F" YOU !
See, in my thinking, when things are not going good it is all Satan's fault. He loves to play games with us and get us to doubting ourselves and those around us. This being the case I got very cocky and gave him an "In your face A hole. F U."
Ever since that things have just been so screwed up all week. Three days in a row there were mess ups with appointments. One day the personal trainer never showed, the next day Ger and I were too early because I didn't check the calendar. Day three I was running late to an appointment and there were numerous meandering drivers getting in my way followed by the draw bridge opening just as I was about to go across causing me to be later by another 10 minutes. (There is no such thing as a speedy draw bridge. All those freaking gates going up and down drives me nuts!)
But the final straw came this afternoon when I had a 2:45 doctor appointment. I arrived at 2:30 on the dot and was given a stack of forms to check over and fill in any missing material. While I was doing this 3 other people came in and were also given forms. I returned my packet. followed by persons one, two and three. Then a fourth person came in and was given forms. Next thing person 1 is called in to see the doctor, then person 2, followed by person 3. All the while I am sitting patiently waiting. I went up to the desk and asked if they had forgotten me. The receptionist replied that she was just working on putting my information in the computer and I would be called next. (If I got there first why wasn't my information put in first?) When they called person #4 in I had had it. It was an hour since I had arrived, everyone in the waiting room had been called in to see the doctor, all had arrived after me and I still was sitting there. I got up and walked out! Done ! F U and the horse you rode in on and I will find another doctor who does not have A Holes working for them.
As I drove down the street cursing up a blue streak it dawned on me that Satan was laughing his fat ass off at me! I had been played with all week long and fell right into the trap. BUT . . . I'm done with that game, thank you very much, and will not let myself get side tracked again. I cancelled my early morning appointment tomorrow morning and will now take some deep breaths and get a good night's sleep and start over again.
Bring it on bad boy, We'll see who gets the last laugh!
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