RED BOOK

 I used to have a "Little Red Book"  which was my version of "The Little Black Book" that is the keeper of secret names and numbers.   I bought a RED book so I would be able to find it easier. (I tend to put things down in obscure places so I figured red would be easier to spot than black.) I have had my little red book for many many years now and it has served me well. It contains all my "passwords" that I have accumulated over the years. These passwords change on a regular basis because I will be somewhere and need to log into some account but can't remember the password. When that happens my only resort is to change my password, which I will then write on a scrap of paper with hopes of adding the new password to the LRB when I get home.  Nine times out of ten I loose the scrap of paper and have to change the damn word again when I get home.  I usually just white-out the old words and write over them to save space. 

It's a good thing I have done this because the size of my "little" red book has been changing for the past several years.  To be precise, my LRB has been expanding for the past 5 years,  7 months,  one week and however many days.  That is the exact amount of time that The Man has been in my life. 

(This morning I woke up at 3 AM and could NOT get back to sleep no matter what I tried.  I finally gave up to go sit in the living room playing solitaire on my i Pad until I could get my brain to shut the hell up. Or so I though.  I crawled back into bed around 5 AM only to be hit with a panic attack a half hour later.  I was just drifting toward sleep when it happened so I sat up trying to calm myself back down or hoping for a quick and painless death.  Neither happened so I got up again and headed for control central where I could attend my trusty therapy session called "blogging". ) 

Back to the "Little Red Book" . . .  And the reason for my most recent panic attack.  THE MAN . . .   Need I say any more ?  Ever since this man had come into my life I have been increasingly weighed down both mentally and physically.  I have allowed The Man to dump his shit on me so it is no ones fault but my own. I'm such a freaking goodie two shoes that I want to "help" everyone in my life.  It's who I am, I can't seem to change so I can't blame The Man for being who he is . . . a typical man . . .

When ever we leave the house The Man hands me his phone, glasses and any paperwork that may be required for where ever we are going.  (Usually the only time we leave the house is to go to doctor appointments so I get to be keeper of the medical records that we always carry with us._ If I'm really lucky I will also get to carry the extension cords, chargers and batteries, which weigh a ton, for his portable concentrator.)  I carry a back pack for just such occasions.  I feel like a sherpa heading into the Himalayan Mountains.  Except my pack is heavier. 

But these aren't the only things I carry. Sometime way back at the beginning of this relationship I had the bright idea that I should add The Man's passwords to my LRB.  It came about innocently enough . . .  or did it ???  I look back now and see the masterful maneuvering of the male mind.  First it was that The Man couldn't see the screen of his tablet as well as he could see the screen of MY computer so naturally I started logging into his accounts for him on my computer. Because this became a regular occurrence I started putting his passwords into my little red book. (The man has his version of the LRB but because it is a random mess of loose papers most of the time he can't find it.)  

As the years have progressed my LRB has doubled in size. No problem . . . until The Man needs something on the computer and I don't have the password.  THAT is what happened this weekend.  

The Man LOVES hockey especially the Detroit Red Wings.  When he comes to Florida for the winter WE research the best way to get the majority of hockey games streamed to my TV.  Every year this changes . . . In the beginning we used to Center Ice.  Then it was the NHL Network. Last year he had to subscribe to NHLTV.  Each and every one of these requires an account which needs a password.  You Know Who gets to keep track of all the freaking passwords.  The "H" page in my LRB is now twelve inches thick because of all the layers of white out for the various hockey subscriptions.  

NONE of these annual searches for hockey is easy. We start with the previous year's account for hockey streaming.  Inevitably that will no longer be the best way to watch ALL the Red Wing games so now the search is on.  You know The Man is NOT doing the searching . . .  NO . . . HE is sitting right next to me or standing right behind me as I get to google all the information. Because he is not really computer literate he will stand in back of me saying things like. "Click on THAT !" while I have no idea what "That" is. If I scroll too fast he gets excited and starts yelling, "BACK, BACK BACK".  He doesn't understand that you can't just click on anything so he will often try telling me to click on something that is not a link and then gets excited when it goes no where.  

This season 's search began a week ago.  As soon as I started the search I realized, (because I READ on the site), NHLTV had joined with ESPN so you would need to subscribe to ESPN+.  As soon as I saw this I mentioned it to The Man but he knew better so we did NOT go directly to "GO" and collect our $200. Instead we spent days searching off and on for the stupid hockey season information.  Naturally I just shut the hell up and let him call his son in Alaska so the two of them could figure it out.  

The annoying thing is that I will be doing something when it will strike The Man that NOW is the time to renew our hockey search.  I will tell him I'm in the middle of something so he will then follow me around for how ever long it takes for me to want to kill him. At that point I know it is a lost cause so I will get to the computer and the search will continue.  

Yesterday was one of those days.  I was totally stressed out about the lake I had in my car after the rain storm the previous night.  I was up early researching new cars when you know who showed up and suggested we check into the hockey situation. At eight o'clock in the morning this is the LAST thing I want to be doing.  After searching for more information WE finally found a phone number for The Man to call and guess what the real live person on the other end of the phone told The Man. ????????     ESPN+ is carrying all the hockey games this season.  You need to subscribe to them.  WE had done just that a week ago when I told The Man that was what he would need to do but he was sure I was wrong.  When we set up the account I asked him for a password but he said he couldn't come up with one, I should pick.  I chose something common to both of us and, because I was putting all the info into the computer, I asked him to WRITE THE PASSWORD DOWN !!!!!!    Guess what we can't find and have been searching for for the past 48 hours? !   It is no where to be found in my LRB because I didn't write it in my LRB.  

And I wonder why I have panic attacks at 4 in the morning.