SLICE AND DICE

 Any other of my senior friends out there dealing with the bi-monthly visits to the dermatologist ?  

Just like triple chins, wrinkles the size of the Grand Canyon, body parts that have given in to the pull of gravity and sag well below where they belong and aches and pains in joints you never knew I had one of the other joys of growing older is the constant stream of visits to the doctor.  I visit doctors almost as often as I pee.  And that is A LOT !!!   (Maybe I need to get a job or some more friends to keep myself busy?) 

Having grown up in the "pre-sun screen" era I spent my entire childhood outside

.  It was the age when mother's did not want their kids in the house under their feet.  And if for some strange reason my mom didn't push me out the door I was in for a day of "helping" her inside.  I learned early on to get my butt outside ASAP or a dust cloth or vacuum was thrust into my idle hands.  (I didn't get an allowance for every little "chore" I did.  I just got to live another day without my mom yelling at me.)  

As a result of all this out door time with no UV protection, (Did you ever hear of UV when you were a kid?) I always had a nice tan going on.  Then when I was a teenager and realized how "good" having a tan looked I would spend days at the beach cooking myself to a golden brown.  Only problem was I NEVER got tan, I just burned, peeled and burned again.  But I looked GOOD !!  Blue eyes, blonde hair and a sun burn was the key to looking "cool".  Or so I thought.

Sixty years later I am paying the price for all that "looking good".  My bank account is directly linked to my dermatologist's Mercedes dealer.  (I think he would be driving a Honda if it wasn't for me.) Every 3 months I have a standing appointment to get the "once over" from good old Doctor Fayne.  He is an interesting character, as most dermatologists are. 

(Over the years I have found that different types of doctors have very different personalities. Surgeons are usually very socially awkward and have little to no bedside manner.  GP's are chatty and personable and dermatologists are just plain weird. I guess I'd be strange too if I spent my days looking at warts.  We won't even get into the personalities of proctologists. They're all just a "pain in the ass".)

I have been seeing Doctor Fayne for over 20 years now and he has burned and sliced many a pre-cancerous spot off my body.  But now it seems I am entering the true "senior' years of my life where the little spots are morphing into larger more complicated entities.  I am beginning to realize that my body is ALIVE and like some alien creature from outer space, it is growing spores that are trying to erupt into living things that will devour my body if I'm not paying attention.  When I die my children will no longer be my soul beneficiary's. In fact they will be lucky to get twenty cents each because the bulk of their inheritance is going to my dermatologist. 

Yesterday was a banner day for good old Doc F AND his partner Doctor Cohen.  I had never met Dr, Cohen but yesterday I had the "pleasure" of getting sliced and diced by this nice man.  

Backing up to this past April . .  . before we left for Michigan I saw Dr. Fayne who discovered a small nasty thing growing under my chin.  He cut it off, slapped a band aid on it and sent me on my way while he sent the "thing" off to the lab.  The "thing" was cancerous, (nothing big, just the regular every day skin cancer.) so Dr. F wanted me to see a dermatologist in MI to follow up and make sure he had cut enough off.  MI doctor needed to slice and dice a little more and then wanted me to return in a couple of months to check it out.  I returned to the Michigan doc just before returning to Florida and he was pleased with how my chin looked.  BUT . . .    for what ever reason he decided to check my neck and back where he found something he didn't like.  Michigan doctor, Johnathan, cut something off my back and sent me back to Florida while the thing was sent to the MI lab.  As The Man and I were driving back to Florida I received a phone call from Johnathan's office saying the thing was cancerous so I should see my Florida dermatologist when I got home.  (The joys of having 2 homes and 2 sets of doctors.)

Yesterday was my appointment to see Doctor Fayne.  He checked the thing on my back, read the report from Michigan and immediately called in his associate who does all the "bigger" slicing and dicing.  They were going to set me up with a half hour appointment when Dr. Cohen said he just had a cancelation and could do the procedure right then. I was all for that so I didn't have to return another day. Off we went to a different part of the building where I got to take a nap on my tummy while I got carved up like your Thanksgiving turkey.

I now have two layers of stitches in my back with a honking big "pressure bandage" over them.  The bandage comes off this afternoon, the stitches come out in 12 days and Doctor Cohen AND Doctor Fayne get to book a three week vacation in Aruba for them and their families thanks to the spot on my back.