Where to begin ? It seems that every day I am with The Man there are a thousand things I want to blog about. But it would not be very nice of me to say, "Hold on Mr. Man, I have to write a blog RIGHT NOW !!!! " I think he might get suspicious and realize that I find most of what he says and does quite idiotic and humorous. Good thing he can't read my mind.
Here are just a few of the most recent "need to slap someone." incidents "
About a week ago The Man decided he needed 1/2 & 1/2 for his coffee. He prefers the 8 oz container, not the quart size. I have no idea why but it is a big issue when I come home with the "wrong" size. I have learned to ignore him. Anyway, I do not make daily trips to the grocery store because if I did I would be hearing someone asking "WHY do you have to go shopping AGAIN ???? You just went to the store 3 months ago!" (Slight exaggeration there). The Man will also tell me, "I don't need 1/2 & 1/2. I can use milk" but I know he prefers 1/2 & 1/2 so if I'm going to be shopping why not get something he likes? Lord knows he has very little pleasure in living these days. His breathing gets worse by the day.
Back to the story . . . I heard about the stupid "I can use milk" every morning. But then 5 minutes later he would say "WE need half & half ". I finally took a trip to the grocery store in town. I really would have preferred to go to the store in California because it would keep me away from the house for a bit longer, but I only had a quarter of a tank of gas. So off I drove to PATS SUPER VALUE in Gladstone, MI. Pats is your typical old time grocery store with aisles that are too narrow for 2 carts to pass and no rhyme or reason where goods are located. The cottage cheese could be in the same aisle as the laundry detergent. I get lots of exercise walking up and down the 7 aisles trying to find things. I picked up the few items on my list, including the half and half, even though they only had it in the larger size. When I got home I showed The Man what I bought, specifically told him it was a LARGE container of his coffee additive and proceeded to put it in the fridge. The next morning I asked if he had used his 1/2 & 1/2. "NO". because he couldn't get the cap off so he used milk. (Good Grief) I took the container and used our handy dandy cap opener tool so it would be open for tomorrow. The next morning I once again asked if he had put 1/2 & 1/2 in his coffee. Once again "NO". WTF ????? NO ??????? The cap was open, I knew that for sure. Do you want to know why he did not use it? I quote : "It was behind the milk and I didn't want to move the milk". I asked what he used in his coffee and he told me "MILK" Hhe moved the milk to use that in his coffee !!!!!!!! @$%&$$*$%@$%^
Then there was the TV news story about a train engineer who was sleeping while driving the train. The hit a car that was driving on the tracks. There was a video from the engine on the train showing a car driving toward the train in the space BETWEEN 2 sets of tracks. (To be clear . . . the car was basically driving ON the tracks). My question to The Man was, "Why was the car driving on the tracks?" You better be sitting down . . . The Mans answer was, "Because the car had the 'RIGHT OF WAY' !! (This was said in a tone that implied I was pretty stupid for not knowing that a car on railroad tracks does indeed have the right of way.)
I honestly didn't think I heard him right so I asked again what the car was doing driving on the tracks and I got the same answer. "Because the car had the right of way!!!!!" I just said "OH" and walked away. I knew for sure this would not end well if I tried to pursue it. I envisioned in my mind what the conversation would be like trying to explain why a car on a railroad track is NOT normal. NOPE . . . not going there.
These strange conversations go on all the time. It is frustrating to no end but it is also quite amusing as long as I don't have anything close by that I can pick up and smack him with.
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