I AM SOOOOOOOO FUCKING READY TO KILL SOMEONE.
Don't give me any shit about being patient, calm, strong or anything thing else. I AM PISSED !
I would make these letters a foot tall so you can hear me screaming at the top of my lungs. those of you who know me know that on the best of days I can be near suicidal. THIS HAS NOT BEEN A GOOD WEEK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need a punching bag and a sledge hammer right now to let some of this anger go. I was just in the pool jumping and kicking and screaming inside (because Aunt Ann Marie is sitting right there watching me so I can't scream out loud.)
Start with last week. Chemo began on Tuesday. Ger was nervous but feeling well. Chemo lasted from 8:30 AM till 4:30 PM. Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooong day. Ger slept, read, watched people, played on his ipad and was pretty comfy and content in his recliner. I kept him company. Tuesday was a short day of chemo. 3 hours. Wednesday short day, 2 hours. Thursday short day and I went to pick up Ann Marie who arrived at the airport at 2. Came back and picked up Ger. We came home for dinner. Friday we all went with Ger to chemo and sat till he was done. At this point Ger mentioned in passing the he was a "little constipated". EVERY DAY at chemo the nurses STRESSED to Ger that he had to be DRINKING DRINKING DRINKING lots of fluids. Do you want to guess if he was doing that or not? No NO no niet nada nein NO! "Ger, did you drink something today?" "Are you drinking Ger?" Shit, the only one who is doing any drinking is me!
Kent and family came on Saturday, Ger was off. Sunday we went to church, Ger was off. Monday we returned for a short day of chemo and the nurses asked ARE YOU DRINKING MR. LAWLOR?
He tells them yes. ANY PROBLEMS MR. LAWLOR? He tells them he is a little constipated. WHAT? Still? You haven't gone since last Thursday? I get the "wave" of the hand that tells me to back off. TUESDAY:
A long day of chemo and the last day of this cycle. Once again the nurses ask all the above questions and STUPID gives them the same answers as the past 4 days. Ann Marie and I leave him and we go shopping for some retail therapy. When we return at 2 Ger can barely sit in the chair. He is in pain? He keeps running to the bathroom saying he has to "GO" but when he gets in there he can't. We AND the nurses think he is talking about pooping. He is obviously very uncomfortable. We have discussed all the constipation problems with doctors, nurses and just about any one who would listen. We have bought all sorts of juices, foods and drugs to relieve the problem but nothing is working. Ger is telling us . . . I'LL BE FINE ! By the time we left chemo and were driving to radiation he could barely sit. We go to radiation and then home. I am thinking if we just get him home into his own bathroom maybe he can get something moving.
AFTER we are home for a half hour and he has been running back and forth to the toilet the man mentions that the problem is not just that he cannot poop but he has NOT BEEN ABLE TO PEE since 11that morning and that is what is hurting. D U H ! @#$%$&^&(#$#@$%^&
Next thing we are in the ER, Ger is now in agony and the doctor says his bladder is the size of a soccer ball. They put in a catheter to drain the bladder and the doctor gets the bowels moving.
Husband now has a "Foley" in his bladder and a pee bag taped to his leg for the next week.
We have to go to the urologist next week to see if it can be removed.
We had to go to the oncologist today to fill her in on all that happened.
Ger had to spend 2 hours this afternoon hooked up to an IV to get fluids into him because he is NOT DRINKING ENOUGH. D U H !
We have to spend tomorrow afternoon hooked up to an IV for more fluids.
I am getting my own chair in chemo with an IV of RUM !
Bottom line . . . Ger is feeling much better tonight !
And to think we get to do all this again in 2 weeks !
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