Apparently the art of cooking chili is something many folks take VERY seriously. I know that my oldest son and my son-in-law both make a great chili and both have their very own "secret" recipe with special ingredients that only they know. I know there are national competitions for THE BEST chili although I have never attended one. To me chili is a mess of chop meat, kidney beans and some sort of tomato sauce with a fistful of chili powder thrown in. I like chili but I do not have my very own recipe and if I am in a restaurant that has chili on the menu I probably will not order it.
The Man cooks chili . . . The fact that The Man cooks is one of the reasons I have kept him around for these past four years. I never knew a man that could and would cook, never mind have his very own special recipe for something. When I first met The Man he would cook often but over the years his health has deteriorated to a point that even chopping up an onion is exhausting. (That and the fact that we know I am a "control freak" The Man has been happy to step back out of the kitchen and let me do most of the cooking.
This week the weather has turned cold and when that happens our desire for a nice bowl of chili starts to peak. ( I personally prefer a good lamb stew on a cold day but The Man doesn't eat lamb. ) So with the cold rain all day Wednesday we got to thinking it was time for The Man to make his "world famous" chili. He prides himself in this endeavor and thinks his chili is the greatest. His chili consists of chop meat, (which here in the great north woods is referred to as "hamburger". If you go into the grocery store and ask for chop meat they look at you like you are speaking Swahili. ) , kidney beans and tomato sauce. Exactly what one would expect to go into chili.
BUT . . . first we must chop up the onion, celery and garlic into tiny pieces that are all exactly the same size and shape. The last time WE made chili I told The Man he could sit and just tell me what to do. Apparently I did not do a good job because yesterday, in spite of having to stand in the kitchen and take the chance of blowing himself up because he is wearing oxygen while cooking on a gas stove with an open flame, The Man insisted on making the chili himself. Once the onion, celery and garlic where chopped I got to light the stove and melt the butter. (I would have used olive oil but The Man sautés in butter.). He kept a VERY close eye on me that I did not have the flame too high so the butter did not burn. Next he added the "hamburger" to the pan. (If I was cooking the entire wad of chop meat would have been dumped out of its package and into the pan where I would then break it up as it was cooking. ) WRONG ! The Man broke off small chunks of meat and slowly added them to the pot one at a time. I was in charge of keeping it from burning. He watched me like a hawk ! Once the meat was cooked he then drained off the fat and we were ready to add the beans and sauce. I had opened the cans and drained the beans so all he had to do was dump the contents of the two cans into the meat mixture. NOT !!
First of all I threw him a curve because instead of adding TWO 8 oz cans of tomato sauce I had bought ONE 16 oz can. (Please correct me if I'm wrong but I thought that 2 X 8 equals 16 ?). This caused a major disruption. I watched him as he poured ALMOST the whole can of tomato sauce into the pan. The Man actually left a quarter of an inch of sauce in the bottom of the can telling me it would be TOO MUCH to add the whole can. (I swear he said this and I swear I tried very very hard not to laugh.).
But that was only the beginning. Next it was the beans turn to be thrown into the pot. The Man left about five beans in the bottom of the can after he dumped the rest of them into his chili. I picked up the can and looked in it before throwing it out and said. "Oh look, there are still some beans in the can. Should I throw them into the pot?". And he said, "NO. There are enough beans in the chili already and he didn't want to add any more."
It was at this point that I said I was going out to feed the deer. Once outside and away from his sight I laughed myself silly and almost peed my pants.
I did not know that chili was only permitted to have a certain number of beans in it. I will keep this in mind the next time someone makes chili for me and ask them not what their secret ingredient is that makes their chili special BUT how many beans do they use.
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