DISTRACTED

It has hit home today that I need to regroup, rewind and settle down.  I have been trying to be super woman since the news of lung cancer broke into our perfectly organized lives. I am neurotic by nature and need all my little ducks in a row. I have tried over the years to snap the rubber band on my wrist when I find myself getting too carried away with OCD and the therapist swears I have come a long way but this cancer thing has tipped my world. I immediately went into "CARE TAKER" mode and kept notes and made calls.  Researched everything on the computer, gathered all the information I could, shopped, cooked and tried to make sure all was going smoothly.

BUT . . .   as I quickly came to realize, I am NOT in control.  The BIG GUY upstairs is the only one who has any control over our lives and day to day living. I can plan, note and do all I can to THINK I am in control but then I have a morning like this that reminds me I am a mess.
These past weeks are a roller coaster.  Good Days,  Bad Days and some days that we just don't know what the hell is going on or how the hell we are feeling.  We have gone from our care free days of swimming in the pool, traveling when and where we want and eating out 90% of the time. Now we get up and just try to put our feet on the floor without falling over.

BUT . . .   I am Woman! (As that old Helen Ready songs says) and I can handle anything.  As long as I am not distracted. Let me tell you about how I started my day today. First, I COULD NOT wake up so save my soul. I AM TIRED !  I think I am sleeping at night but boy am I tired today. I waited till the last possible moment and then dragged myself up. Ger has to go to radiation every morning at 10:45 which means we leave here by 10:30. Why he isn't driving himself I don't know.  I haven't asked as he just seems quite happy with the way things are. The day he was diagnosed with Lung cancer he stopped driving . . .   Go figure. Makes me think he has given up already but that is not a topic we can broach quite yet. ANYWAY,  I got up out of bed, staggered into the potty and all to late realized that I was using the CLOROX wipes instead of the baby wipes on my delicate little bottom. As I hopped around the bathroom yelling "OH OH OH" all the while tripping over my PJ's which are tangled around my ankles I came to realize I am far from being SUPER WOMAN and a lot closer to being ELMO.