FEELING HELPLESS

I'm feeling a little lost these days because the "kids" are here and I am put in the position of thinking about them and not just myself. Ger and I have fallen into a pretty selfish way of life these last 8 years since the move to Florida. I guess retirement can do that to a person. There's the whole "now it's our turn to have some fun" thing that us retiree's get feeling, and rightfully so, FOR A WHILE. But eight years have gone by and we haven't done much in the way of "pay back". Be that as it may we are now REALLY challenged to think of others. The whole CANCER thing sort of really makes you forget there is a world out there beside you. Enter the kids . . . .  This is their dad who is fighting this lousy disease and they are scared! I forget that when it is just Ger and I surviving day to day but when they are here and I see the fear in their faces it reminds me that it isn't just about us.
Today was Keri's birthday and we had Kent and family come up for the weekend so the cousins could spend time together. Naturally we had to bake a cake and have a party. But the Redskins were playing against the Giants so Keri and family all donned their Redskins' jerseys and took off for a local out door sports bar to have some lunch and watch the game. The rest of us were all going to join them except Smith was napping and grandpa wasn't feeling well. I ended up going over to the sports bar and picking up Kaelin and Finn and bringing them back to the house so Keri and Steve could sit and watch the game in peace. (That did not help the Redskins any, they lost yet again!) When Keri and Steve came back they had had a good time but Keri was asking her dad how he was feeling and she ended up in tears telling him she really wanted him to come to meet her for lunch because she just wanted it to be like it "USED" to be. That makes me cry. Even though these amazing children of mine are adults with children of their own they are still little kids when it comes to their mom and dad. I forget that! I need to take time to ask how they are doing and feeling about this shitty situation that we find ourselves in. I need to be their for them and not be expecting them to take care of me. I. Want to tell them that everything is going to be all right but I don't know if that I true. I know that no matter what happens I am in God's hands and that is a HUGE comfort to me. I don't know if they have that strong a faith to get them through. I guess they will just have to follow my lead. And I will just have to lean on my faith to get us through.