FINGER FLAKES

 It all started with an adorable little red squirrel.  I wrote about him just this week. He is a cute little guy who has been hanging around our back patio ever since we returned from Florida.  He is pretty fearless which is probably what got him in The Man's sights.  If he had been a smart little squirrel The Man might never have noticed him but unfortunately that was not the case.

At first Red the squirrel was just part of the wildlife entertainment of living here but the more he hung around the more The Man decided he had to go.  There was talk of a pellet gun but I shot down that idea. Then there was talk about setting up traps. The Man was ready to purchase rat traps which would have killed the little guy but then he decided to check with the neighbors to see if anyone had a trap with which we could just catch Red and relocate him.  This was all being weighed and discussed until The Man saw Red go into a hole in the foundation of the house. This too is old news to anyone who reads my blog on a regular basis.  The fact that Red was actually going into the house set a fire under The Man and he leaped into action. (The Man does not leap.  nor does he provide much in the way of action. But he was now determined to stop Red. If he had taken care of this hole years ago we would not be leaping into anything but I say nothing.)

The PLAN began to form.  WE, (meaning me) will go purchase some spray foam. When Red is visible outside the house WE. (meaning me), will grab the can of spray foam, race to the hole in the foundation and promptly fill it with foam. I did not mention to The Man that squirrels will probably chew through anything you stuff in a hole. I kept my thoughts to myself and figured I would just ride this one out. 

A couple of days ago while we were out and about I was sent into the tractor supply store to purchase a can of spray foam.  I had listened carefully to the lengthy list of instructions on what to buy. There turned out to be quite the assortment of foam, (Who knew!). I chose wisely as per my instructions and home we went ready to do battle.   As we rode home I tried to read the extremely small print on the can so I would know what to do. Between the movement of the car and the poor light I couldn't read anything.  I asked the man to please read the directions when we got home because I couldn't see them. (The Man has eyes of an Eagle. And the brain of a gnat.). I brought the can of foam into the house and put it on the kitchen counter near his chair. While doing this I again asked The Man to read the directions so we would know what to do when the moment of action arrived. He promised me he would do that right away. 

Now I know better than to believe anything this man says.  I always get an answer that has no thought behind it. It is just an answer so I will go away and leave him alone.  I KNOW THIS !!!  And yet I believed him when he said he DID read the directions on the can. I have never worked with spray foam. I get the principal of the thing, it is a can with a straw attached to the top. The straw is inserted in the opening, the lever is pressed down on the can and the foam fills the space.  I guess The Man thought he knew all he needed to know because today when the "foam hit the fan" he didn't know shit !

It was a beautiful day today. The Man was taking a nap and I was sitting on the back patio reading.  All of a sudden I hear a small voice calling my name. I look up and there stands The Man in the kitchen doorway pointing toward the flower bed while waving his other hand that was holding the can of spray foam. . At first I had no idea what he was doing but then I saw RED.  Our little red friend was poking around the bird feeders. He was OUT of the hole in the house. The time had come, WE, (meaning me) must spring into action. It was all hands on deck and batten down the hatches !   As The Man handed me the can of foam I asked if I needed to turn it upside down? Shake it? or any other instruction.  All The Man said was, "HURRY HURRY HURRY before "he" comes back!!!!!!"  I took the can and headed for the hole. 

If you have never worked with this foam in a can . . . DON'T !!!!!!  That is my first piece of advice. My second piece of advice is READ THE DIRECTIONS !!!!!!! Do NOT leave that job up to your spouse. Read the directions yourself even if you have to buy a magnifying glass to see them.  

Thinking this would not be difficult I stuck the straw up into the opening and pressed the trigger. Foam began to blast into the space and I could see it was working.  It was at this point that The Man began shouting directions at me.  "Hold it up straight,!!!! Turn the can!!!!  Don't stop spraying !!!!!" I naturally just ignored him and continued working. First of all The Man is standing 15 feet away and can't see what I am doing and second I'm the one with the can in my hands.  After shouting at me for several seconds he yelled, "DO YOU HAVE YOUR EARS IN ?"  I stopped spraying, turned to him and quietly said, "Yes dear. I have my hearing aids in."  To which he responded that I wasn't listening to him so he thought I couldn't hear him. (The deaf guy down the road could hear him. !!). 

Now because I stopped to "listen" to The Man the foam in the can had now solidified in the straw and could no longer be sprayed.  This irritated The Man until he realized there was a second straw taped to the side of the can which I quickly swapped out with the blocked one.  I returned to spraying until we had foam oozing out and down the side of the house. This caused The Man to start yelling, "Push it back in!"

By now my hands were covered in foam and I could no longer bend them to push the trigger.  Since the foam was oozing out I assumed it was because the space had been filled.  I put down the can and asked The Man how do I remove the foam from my hands.  Once again in true form the Man gave me an answer. Was it true? Was it false ?  That is the question. His answer was that I "PROBABLY" should use a solvent. The word "probably" gave me reason to doubt him so I just went past him into the house and stuck my hands under the water.   NOTHING !!  Add a little soap.  NOTHING!  HUM ?   I asked The Man if the directions had said how to remove this stuff.  He told me we needed to wash it off with a solvent.  Which he brought outside and proceeded to pour all over my hands.  NOTHING !!!

By now I have the distinct impression that The Man has NOT read anything on the can !  And I am on my own with this mess.  I found the can and my glasses and proceeded to do what I SHOULD have done right after I bought the damn stuff. This is what I read . . .

ATTENTION: 

 WEAR GLOVES WHEN WORKING WITH SPRAY FOAM. (OOPS !  Too late now).        

CLEAN HANDS WITH WARM SOAPY WATER WHILE FOAM IS STILL WET.  (OOPS Too late)          

ATTENTION :

  DO NOT USE SOLVENT TO REMOVE FOAM FROM HANDS !!! (OH CRAP! Too late now!!!)

My next option was to Google "How to remove spray foam from your hands". The first person to comment wrote, "Cut off your hand and get a new one".    WHAT ?     I read further, "READ THE DIRECTIONS!",  "WEAR GLOVES"  and on and on and on.  This was not looking good.

And so I spent the past 2 hours rubbing vaseline on my hands and slowly picking off chunks of foam and three layers of skin.  My hands are no where near to being cleaned off. The foam is not smooth it is scratchy and nasty. It reminds me of when we were kids and Elmers Glue was first sold. We would dip our hand into a plate of the glue and then let it dry.  There was something so satisfying in pealing off those flakes of glue. Sometimes you were able to get a big strip off without ripping it.  

THIS is NOT satisfying in the least.  It is annoying,  painful and irritating. 

 And The Man finds it hilarious!   I may spray foam some of his body parts when he's sleeping. 

FRIED COMPUTER

 Advanced technology is making me nuts !   Just when I get the MI internet figured out and working for me my computer decides it wants to be warm.( It apparently misses it's home in FL)   The damn thing gets so hot when I plug it in I can't rest it on my lap.  

Thankfully the UP has a good computer tech guy who I discovered last summer.  The beast, (AKA my computer) was going wonky last summer so I went on a search for someone up here who knows a little more than how to kill a deer or operate a back hoe.  It is not exactly your most technologically updated part of the United States.  Maybe the back hills of Tennessee are slightly behind us but not by much. So finding Jesse, the computer guy, was astonishing.  I wondered if he would still be around this year or if the lack of business would send him packing. Sure enough he is still here and still working on computers. I called him this morning and hopefully he will be able to preform his magic once again.  

This past week I have had so many occasions where I wanted to sit down to write but either The Man required my attention or my computer was overheated.  (Do computers have hot flashes? Maybe my computer is menopausal.). If I don't grab onto an idea that floats through my head it is lost forever. The same is true with almost anything I do these days . . .  Do it NOW or I'll totally forget about it. 

I did manage to get to write about the silly turkeys.  They are still entertaining us but I am starting to get a little concerned because each time they show up there are one or two more added to the group. (What is a group turkeys called? a flock?  That doesn't sound right.  I'll have to google that.)  Along with the growing number of turkeys the red squirrel is getting bolder and bolder by the day.  The other day we were sitting on the back patio when "Red" came running around, almost climbing up onto our laps.  The Man is in a panic because "Red is going to get into the house!!!"  Little does he realize that ship has sailed.  There is a hole between the foundation and the siding that Red has discovered.  I have mentioned this hole many many times before.  It was never a priority until now.  The Man saw Red climb up into the hole so now WE are on the war path.  We will be stopping at the hardware store today to get some "filler" to spray into the hole.  Sure hope Red isn't in there when You Know Who decides to spray !

It never gets boring around here.  

The most excitement I have had was 2 nights ago when The Man fell out of bed.  YUP . . . fell right out of the bed.  (I swore I would not tell anyone about this but it's just too good to hold on to.). It was early Sunday morning when I woke up to a comotion on the other side of the room.  I sat up but did not have my hearing aids in so I had no idea what the voice in the dark was saying. I kept saying, "I can't hear you" and the voice just kept saying something in a very irate manner. (That I could understand). I finally got up and went around the bed to find The Man standing, bent over the bed holding his arm.  It seems he woke up and rolled over to pick up his remote for the bed that had fallen onto the floor.  He overbalanced because he had the bottom of the bed raised so his feet started to fall and the rest of him just followed along until he was sitting on the floor is a puddle of blood.   I was now awake enough to turn on a light to see exactly what damage we were looking at.  It wasn't good but it could have been a lot worse.  When The Man started to roll he reached out to try to stop himself and hit his arm on the corner of his night stand. It pealed back a large chunk of skin from his forearm. Even thought it wasn't a deep wound it was bleeding like crazy. He had grabbed a towel and was holding it on his arm to try to stop the bleeding.  He was pretty shook up.!  I got some gauze and wrapped his arm tightly and sent him off to the kitchen to sit down with a cup of coffee.  Damage control assessed that there was not much blood on the floor and surprisingly none on the bed.  The Man's biggest concern was that he didn't get blood on the bed.  (The comforter is black, you would never notice blood on it, but he did good !)

We are headed to his GP doctor today so I suggested he have Mike take a look at the arm.  Of course I was told no but we shall see.  I wonder if the injured arm will keep us from our pending battle with Red?

FOR THE BIRDS

 We are the only house on this road that can lay claim to a 500 pound sparrow and a 300 pound hummingbird.  We fed our feathered friends quite well.  I figure by the end of the summer the Mourning Doves will be the size of a Macys Thanksgiving day parade blimp.  Forget any bird that is planning on flying south for the winter . . .   It won't be able to get off the ground.

Perhaps I have exaggerated just a bit but I can tell you that we do indeed have the best fed birds in all of the UP.  The Man sends me into the farm supply store, (talk about being out of your comfort zone), and tells me just what kind of bird seed he wants.  It can have sunflower seeds in it but it can NOT have "those little round things that the birds spit out all over the patio".  Picture me telling this to the guy who is already rolling his eyes at this dopey woman. The ridiculous thing is that it does not matter what kind of bird food I purchase because it will not be what The Man wanted. . . But do I care ???   The stupid birds would eat bologna and cheese sandwiches if I put them in the feeders. And if they spit anything out onto the patio there will be a bunch of birds down there picking up the droppings. 

The birds and other wild life entertain us for hours.  The kitchen has a large sliding glass door facing the back of the house. From here we see the barn and milk house. Further back in the field behind the barn is the pond and beyond that more fields and woods.  All this is home to any number of creatures. But the birds are the stars of the show. They even take precedence over Fox News !!!!!

The sliding glass door in the kitchen leads out to a set of 5 cement steps that go down a small cement patio. Along the edge of this patio we have 2 hanging bird feeders, a suet holder and a hummingbird feeder. There is an endless flow of birds at each of these feeders.  The Man sits on his throne at the kitchen table and watches the creatures for hours each day.  Now that the weather is warming up he will be outside a lot more but the birds will still be around.

The reason I am mentioning all this is because this morning we had a battle of the birds out by the pond. We have two families of geese residing near the pond. 2 moms, 2 dads and about 10 babies between the two families.  The parents are super protective of the babies as they should be since there are also at least a dozen bald eagles that reside in the trees surrounding the property.  At any given time there will be at least 3-4 eagles sitting along the edge of the pond while others are watching from the trees.  Eagles LOVE baby geese !  They are apparently delicious.  This morning one of the eagles was getting a little too close to the geese families and the parents did not like that one bit.  There was much honking and wing flapping on the part of the geese and screeching and hopping from the eagles.  It didn't take long for the eagle to realize there was not going to be a breakfast buffet today.

Our other bird population consists of wild turkeys.  We have had six very large male turkeys, (Jakes) and 4 smaller females, (hens) out picking at the grass our back.  They really enjoy the corn I put out for the deer each afternoon but they have to be quick before the 2 sand cranes and one LARGE crow eat it all. Yesterday I was entertained by two jakes trying to get the attention of one hen.  She came strolling across the yard with the 2 males following close behind.  She paid them no mind but instead decided to play with them a bit.   She went around the back of the milk house, (a small red building where the milk was stored when this was a working farm.). The two males followed but as they were behind her by about 10 feet she turned the corner of the milk house so by the time they reached where she had been she was gone.  This went on for at least a good ten minutes and it was great fun to watch.  She finally got tired of playing with the two fools and walked off across the field while they were still looking for her around the milk house. (Men, they are so predictable!)

Our other back yard visitors this year include one red squirrel who comes up to the glass door and stares at us. Chippy the chipmunk is back from last season, (glad to see he made it through the winter), and to the horror of all the critters and birds there is a new cat in the neighborhood.  And this cat is NOT fooling around.  Apparently one of the neighbors down the road got the cat to catch mice down at their place. It has now taken it upon itself to parole the neighborhood. Watch out Chippie and squirrel and birds. The cat has long hair, is multicolored and must weigh at least 20 pounds.  I don't think the eagles will be messing with it. 

Last night I went out to the milk house to get corn to feed the deer.  As I came around the corner of the milk house door the cat was sitting right inside the milk house.  It startled me and it seems I scared it because it ran out a hole in the back wall, took off across the lawn running about twenty miles an hour and it has not been seen since.  

Maybe the squirrels, Chippy and birds don't have to worry. I may have saved them all. 

JUST RAMBLING

Can you tell things are settling down up here ?  I haven't written in a couple of days , not because I have nothing to write about, but because I am relaxing and reading and traveling all over the UP with The Man. Believe me when I tell you it is not an exciting type of travel.  There is no sight seeing or staying in 5 Star hotels.  It is just get in the car, drive for an hour or two through the country side and visit a doctor.  Monday we were 2 hours away in Green Bay.  I hear it is a nice little town . . .  I wouldn't know.  All I see is Exit 241 to the doctor's office.  Then back on the "highway" that soon turns into a two lane road until we get back to Escanaba. I will ask about interesting things that we pass as we travel along and I am told "We will go there some day".  I know it's never going to happen but I ask anyway.

Tuesday we were in Gladstone, Wednesday we were an hour away in Marinitte, WI to see the lung doctor. Then back into the car with a stop at Culvers for ice cream, (so it''s not a total loss of a day), and drive back home.  

Today is a rainy day. Those past 3 days that we were driving all over the place the sun was out and the breeze was warm.  And we were in the car most of the time.  Today when we are at home with "nothing" to do it is COLD, windy and rainy.  The perfect day for a nap, which is exactly what you know who is doing.  I slept in this morning and when I got up and saw what a crappy day it was I knew I had to bake. 

I brought blueberries with me from Florida . They survived the trip and were fine for a couple of days but then the day I decided I wanted to make some blueberry muffins for breakfast the berries had a lovely case of mold.  The birds enjoyed them.  When I went to the grocery store, (ELMERS) I bought more blueberries so I was ready to bake today.  I gathered the recipe and the ingredients, The Man went outside to ride his lawn mower around before the rain started and I went to my happy place in the kitchen.  This particular recipe is WONDERFUL !  I found it on line last year but had left it up here in MI when we went south for the winter.  I couldn't remember what website I found it on so couldn't make the muffins all winter.  The muffins are filled with blueberries in a wonderful, moist batter then covered with a mixture of sugar, flour, cinnamon and butter crumbles.  OH MY !!!  

I had remembered to buy sugar the other day, now I had some fresh blueberries so I was good to go.  I had 2 bowls set out, one for the batter and one for the topping.  I mixed the batter, got the crumbs ready for the topping and poured the batter into the first muffin tin. Then I added the topping and was ready to put the first pan into the oven when I realized . . . I NEVER ADDED THE BLUEBERRIES !!!! Now I have 6 muffins all set to bake but missing the key ingredient.  DUH DUH DUH !!!  I can't take the batter out of the tins because the crumbs are already on the top so I did the next best thing.  I took a handful of berries and poked them down into each muffin.  When they came out they weren't bad but the other muffins that had the blueberries mixed into the batter were much better.   And I know this because I have eaten at least 3 of them just to make sure they were all OK.

I cannot blame my error on The Man, he wasn't even in the house.  I guess it was just a small bran fart on my part.  These brain farts seem to be coming more and more often.  And my patience seems to be getting shorter.. Just yesterday I was shaking my head wondering if I will survive another season with this man.  Thankfully hockey playoffs are still in full swing so I have time to myself.  Last night there were no hockey games on that The Man cared about. I thought I was going to go nuts with him talking to me  about nothing.  That and the fact that he is getting more and more opinionated and argumentative by the day.  I recently had a conversation with his sister in law about her coming over for dinner.  She texted me, "Do you want me to bring over tacos tonight?"  Plain and simple. An inquiry that requires nothing more than a "YES" or a "NO".  I read the text to The Man and he went off on a 20 minute tirade about people knowing that he just got home and is tired. Why would you want to have tacos on a Tuesday?  Where are we getting the tacos from? What is in the tacos ?  (I really wanted to tell him road kill and grass . . .   What the hell do you think is in a taco?)  I let him rant for a few minutes and then returned to the initial question of " Do you want a freaking taco or not????"   

Rhonda and her son came over, they brought food from the American Legion in town who makes tacos, burritos and nachos every Tuesday. They were excellent !  We had a lovely visit, enjoyed the food and didn't have to do a bit of work.   This morning at breakfast The Man says to me, "She sure can talk, can't she!". This is out of the blue.  We had been sitting eating, the TV was on and I was looking at the paper. I looked up wondering WHO is he talking about?  Someone in the paper? someone on the TV ?   and then I realized he was talking about his sister in law who had brought over the tacos 2 nights ago.   

I am too old to be playing 20 questions every time we have a conversation.  

Enough ramblings for today. I need a nap.

TURN ON THE LIGHTS !!!!!

 I have never seen the Northern Lights.  I have been to Alaska where they are supposed to show up ALL the time but on none of my trips did I ever see ONE single flicker of a Northern Light.  I did not despair because I knew I would see them someday even if I had to look down (or up) from the grave.  

Then I began spending my summers in Michigan where you can't get much more northern without becoming a Canadian.  I have been told by many of the "Yoopers" who live up here that occasionally you can get to see the Aurora Borealis. I personally did not believe this but folks have insisted that it does happen. 

And lo and behold there on the evening news on Thursday was the weather man giving suggestions for getting the best possible view of this spectacular show that God sees fit to entertain us with. The Northern lights were going to dip down from Canada and the Arctic so that those of us fortunate enough to be living up here would get to see the show.  Unfortunately Friday night was very cloudy so there went that opportunity to be wowed.  BUT Saturday night was going to be CLEAR !!!!  HOORAY !!!!!  

The problem with trying to view the Northern Lights is that they only appear at night.  LATE at night !!!  Like after midnight.  And you have to go OUTSIDE to see them. .  On a normal night I am usually just getting to sleep around midnight but I have been comfy in my PJ's for hours before.  I have showered and gotten settled on the couch or in the bed ready to spend a couple of hours watching TV. But now I have to weigh the pro's and con's to looking at a bunch of lights in the sky OUTSIDE where the temperature is in the mid forties and the wind is blowing across the open field like on the plains of Northern Siberia in January.  AND,   I have to be dressed in sweat pants, sweat shirt, jacket, wool m socks and boots because it is also very damp.  

I couldn't resist !  I took my shower around 8, put on some comfy clothes and watched some TV with The Man until about 11:30 PM.  Then I changed into the warmest clothes I have, made sure my phone was fully charged and went outside where I saw . . . NOTHING!     It was a lovely clear but cold night.  Lots of stars, no lights from any houses or traffic because there are no houses or traffic. I wandered around with my flashlight so I wouldn't fall into a woodchuck hole or get eaten by a bear.  I kept looking up but there was nothing but dark dark skies.  This was around midnight and I decided I must be nuts so I went back inside feeling rather disappointed.  The Man was still awake so I sat on the bed and chatted about the 2 hockey games he had just watched and then decided I would give the lights one last shot.  

Back out I went and still I saw nothing.  Because it was so chilly I decided to come into the parlor, (which has no heat) and sit in the big armchair in the dark.  By now it was going on 1:00 and I figured it was a bust so I might as well go to bed.  As I stood up to go into the house I realized that the sky was brighter than it had been before. Could this be it ????  I went back outside and sure enough the sky was lighter.  There were white wispy cloud like lines flowing up and down in the dark night sky.    Could this be it ?? For some reason the Northern Lights in the UP do not show up in color?  I was disappointed but decided to take a picture of the white ish sky so that I could show people that I DID SEE SOMETHING.  

And that was when I looked at the picture that I had just taken.  What I saw was a sky FILLED WITH COLOR !!!!  I looked at the sky and saw nothing. I looked at my photo and saw The Northern Lights !!!

Naturally I immediately decided I had a brain tumor because I couldn't see any color in the sky so it must be my brain getting ready to explode.  What other reason could it be ?????   

I took a total of 8 pictures of the lights in the sky that I couldn't see.  They were green, pink and red all flowing into one another. They must have been amazing to actually SEE but at least I have the photos to prove they were there.  I would LOVE to get them downloaded into my computer so I could show them to you but for some reason I can't get them into my computer photo gallery.   

Anyone else feeling like they're in the Twilight Zone ??????

HOCKEY SEASON HEART ATTACK

 Some spouses like football, many enjoy a good baseball game and yet others, (the weird ones),  like to sit and watch golf, (which in my opinion is almost as bad a watching tennis), which in turn is like watching paint dry.  

The Man enjoys football but the other sports bore him EXCEPT for hockey.  His sport of choice is always hockey and all else in the world must come to a screeching halt if his Detroit Red Wings are playing.  Sadly the Red Wings are one of those teams who always manage to be ALMOST in the play offs for the Stanley Cup.  The Man will watch them all season, every game, keeping track of their standings. Then sure enough, come March, he watches with bated breath as the Wings fall just short of enough points to make it into the playoffs.  

This year was no different.  We are in the midst of Stanley Cup playoffs and The Man is totally wrapped up in the games.  He has his favorites but they are slowly but surely being weeded out.  Our Florida Panthers and the NY Rangers are still in it so it is exciting to have them to root for.  And this is where the problem arises.

In Florida The Man will watch his hockey games while sitting on the couch and I will escape to the bedroom where I can watch some series on Netflix or wherever. I am a full room away from the cheering section of the sport of choice so it doesn't bother me in the least.  

Now we are in Michigan and things change up here.  There is a living room that I love to sit in but there is no TV in there.  There IS a TV in the kitchen and one in the bedroom.  Neither TV is a Smart TV so there is no watching Netflix or any of the three thousand other venues for endless, mindless TV viewing. If we want to watch cable TV I have to watch it on my computer.   But since hockey is on "regular"TV there is no problem.  

Each night after dinner The Man sits at the kitchen table where he can watch whatever TV he chooses.  Normally I would be out in the living room on my computer or reading but it is still too cold out there so I retire to the bedroom. At some point after I have made myself comfortable The Man will come in and turn on the TV in here to continue watching the hockey games from the comfort of his bed.  I usually take this opportunity to shower and get ready for bed where I will settle in next to the man and play games on my iPad.  

All is well until something happens in the hockey game that causes The Man to shout, "SCORE!!!" or "WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOOOOOOING????"  These outbursts are usually accompanied by him sitting up suddenly or pounding on the bed.  My reaction to all these sudden and unexpected outbursts are to go into cardiac arrest.  He scares the poop out of me !!!!   

As I lie there trying to catch my breath and bring down my heart rate I realize that if I ever did have "The Big One" and dropped dead The Man wouldn't realize it for at least 3-4 hours when the 2 hockey games a night are over. 

LET THE BATTLE BEGIN

 HIs highness got up this morning with a plan.  His kingdom is under attack and WE must do something to stop the invasion.  As soon as I heard his plan for the day I wanted to go back to bed at the very least if not go back to Florida.  I am not ready to do battle with a yard full of weeds !

Yes, the invading forces are small and green and from what I can gather from His Highness, they are DEADLY !!!!!!!  My theory is, what the hell, they're green and blend in with the grass, leave them alone. But alas, that is not to be. The dastardly little beasts must be destroyed !!!!!     We need to rally the troops, (me) and sally forth into battle.  But first we must fill our stomachs with a hearty breakfast of steak and eggs. Good thing the cook is here to provide such sustenance.  By the time the kitchen wench has finished making breakfast and cleaning up she's ready to sit down to read the paper, (all 3 pages of it).  But the enemy awaits. 

Mow to arm ourselves for the ensuing encounter. Short of boiling oil and flaming arrows The Man was convinced he had some Roundup in the cabinet at the bottom of the stairs.  I personally don't even want to be in the same state with that particular weed killer thanks to all the TV commercials for lawyers who will represent you if you have contracted some hideous disease because you used Roundup in your garden.  But according to The Man it is just fine to use.  (This coming from the man who cannot breathe due to something in his life having destroyed his lungs.). I searched the closet as thoroughly as I would if I were looking for a Black Widow spider and told him there was NO Roundup.   Plan two is my solution to weeds . . .  spray them with vinegar !  I bought a sprayer that you fill with the vinegar, add a drop of dish detergent to make the vinegar stick to the leaves of what you want to kill and within 24 hours the weeds are turning yellow and are dead within hours.  Up to this point You Know Who has poo-poooood this approach to weeding but I use it all the time in my little garden in FL.  Now that The Man had no other option I got out the sprayer and vinegar, got him set up on a chair on the back patio and let him spray to his hearts content. While he was engaged in battle I walked out to the mailbox and then came inside to vacuum the house while I could do so without any intervention.  (Because this is The Man's kingdom I am trying to keep a very low profile this season.  So far I'm managing to fly under the radert.) 

We will have to wait a day to see if the enemy has been vanquished so in the mean time His Highness has gone in for a nap.  Not a bad idea !!!    Sadly my body is in pain from just the little bit of walking and digging in the closet and making breakfast that I need some Tylenol and a comfy chair to sit and blog from.  It seems that over the past year my body has gotten old and soft. I know I had a rather lethargic winter partly due to 6 weeks recovery from the stupid surgery on my foot. Once the holidays were over I was pooped and the foot surgery gave me the perfect excuse to just sit in my recliner and read. It was heavenly but I am paying the price for it now.  I'm so out of shape, (My shape has gone from pear to watermelon) and I have zero energy.  Perhaps I can blame some of that on all the changes of medications over the past 6 months but I truly think it is just that my body is TIRED !!!!  So with that thought in mind I am taking some guidance from The Man.  BABY STEPS !!!  One battle a day, rest between battles and eat CHOCOLATE !!!!!!  (Or drink wine, what ever floats your boat.)

And most important of all . . .   keep laughing !!!

TIME TO BLOG

 If I don't sit down right now and write I may whoop You Know Who upside his haid.  The return from Florida to MI is always a stress filled time but today he is in rare form.  Today The Man is marshaling the troops and making ready to storm the castle.  At least that is how I am feeling.  For what ever reason The Man is sitting on his red throne in the kitchen just tossing out orders and getting all excited if the orders aren't instantly being taken care of.  Personally I am finding it all quite amusing. Don't judge me when I tell you I am playing mind games with The Man just because I can.  He makes it SO easy.  

Today is day 3 of returning to the farm.  We are still unpacking black suitcases, (and blue and red and brown suitcases and bags).  I can see the end in sight and that fills me with hope.  When I got up today I told The Man I was going to spend the day finishing up unpacking my stuff, go through my closet and weed out clothes I don 't wear and start a bag to donate to St. Vinny's.  I DID NOT come out and say, "Leave me the "F" alone so I can DO this."  but it certainly was implied. Anyone with a half a brain could read between the lines and read my body language to get a clear message that I did not want to be running errands for anyone!  

Sadly You Know Who apparently can not read.  

Not three minutes after I told him what I was planning for MY day The Man comes into the room and says, " I thought WE could go down the basement and check the sump pump and dehumidifier.  Translation . . .  Cathie goes down the basement to do what ever the lord and master standing at the top of the basement stairs yells down.  I have played this game many times before. It is not one of my favorite games.  It is a game I cannot win.  EVER !

There must be hope for me because when The Man told me his plans for US I stopped where I was, turned to face him and said, "NO!"  You could have blown him over with a feather,  He  didn't know what to say.  I calmly and quietly reminded him that I really wanted to get myself unpacked and organized.  It was like he never heard that before but he was perfectly content to go along with me.  I had planned ahead for just such an occasion and brought two jigsaw puzzles with us to MI.  They are simple puzzles, only 100 pieces and the pieces are large.  In order to keep him busy I brought out the first puzzle, set it up on the kitchen table by his "throne", helped him find all the edge pieces and got him started putting the edge together.  Just like I would do with a three year old.  

I did get all unpacked and organized today and there were no further orders or ideas coming from The Man.  It was a good day !

GET THE "THING"

 I know I'm getting older and my brain is not functioning as well as it did when I was 25, (probably a good thing).  My ears don't hear well and I have to REALLY focus on anything I'm doing. Some days I think I am loosing it and should be putting my name on the waiting list of the local "Senior Residence" but then I realize I am am no different than the rest of my friends who are the same age as me. 

But then we have The Man.  I do believe he is getting worse which in turn makes me more crazy. (As if that were possible.). The Man often forgets words for things but since he doesn't use many words that can be a BIG problem.  Take this morning . . .   I stagger out of the bedroom headed for the bathroom and The Man starts talking to me as I cross the kitchen.  Nothing new there.  Because I just woke up my hearing aids are not in and my brain is not functioning at full capacity. (That would be all of about three percent.) Because this is a daily routine and for the past EIGHT years I have stopped to say to The Man, "I don't have my ears in. I can't hear you."  It mades no difference.  Everyday it is the same.  Except this morning when I DID have my ears in so I could actually hear what The Man was saying.  There was something about having to fix the cabinet door. Since this was not a top priority item on my days agenda  I just kept going and The Man just kept on talking.  When I came out of the bathroom The Man said, (and this is a direct quote), "Would you get me the thing from the black bag in the closet."  HUH ???

Because there are at least 5 different closets in the house and any number of black bags I had no idea what he was talking about. I assumed it had something to do with fixing the cabinet door but  I couldn't narrow it down because I didn't know WHAT THING I was supposed to be getting from which black bag that was in A closet.  

The worst part is that when I ask any question The Man gets all pissed off and looks at me like I am an idiot.  And so today when I could see the steam rising and the attitude building I sat down and explained why I have trouble following his requests.  I explained how "THE THING" could mean any number of things, "THE CLOSET" could be one in any room in the house and as for the "BLACK BAG" just look around at the collection of black bags that travel with us containing all the wires and batteries for all his compressors.  Add to that I do believe The Man is color blind because when he asks me to get one of his bags I naturally ask which bag he wants. He will then say with an attitude, "The Blue Bag" like I'm the idiot for not reading his mind and knowing that. When I show up with A blue bag guess who gets all excited and upset because it is "NOT THAT BAG!". After bringing him several BLUE bags I resort to just picking up any bag I can see and sure enough I get the right bag . . . FINALLY !!!  One problem,  the bag is Black. 

This goes on EVERY day and I have become quite accustomed to being "wrong" when asked to do something.  It doesn't phase me in the least because I know I'm OK.  It's The Man who is nuts !!!!

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BACK ON THE FARM

 Made it !  Just arrived at our summer residence and boy are we tired.  I feel like I have jet lag even though we drove all the way.  Usually this trip takes us 4 days and 3 nights.  Because of our age everyone told us to "Take it SLOW. There's no rush. Stop often and drive less each day."  That all sounds wonderful except that when Mario Andretti is driving I have no control over the pace that is set.  

The first day we drove 8 hours.  That's a lot of driving for a couple of old farts but once we get moving there is no stopping The Man.  He drove all 8 hours with only pee stops and gas for the car to break up the drive.  I kept asking him to let me drive but he was bound and determined to do it all himself.  And so when we stopped in Macon, GA for the night I honestly thought I was going to have to call 911 for The Man.  He was exhausted !!!!! DUH  Thankfully the motel we stopped at was one of the old types where you can park in front of your room so The Man didn't have far to walk.  And I didn't have far to carry all the crap we have to travel with.  I have one bag, The Man has 2 concentrators, a huge suitcase, a Bi-pap machine and a suitcase of medications. All of this stuff is necessary but it is a pain to unpack the car to get into the room and then have to put it all back in the car in the morning. Once we got settled  I got The Man something to eat and we were asleep by 7:15 PM.  The Man looked terrible but a good night's sleep did wonders for him.  WE had driven a little over 500 miles.

Next morning we woke at 5:30 AM, having slept like the dead for 10 hours.  (Ten hours of sleep is normal for me but for The Man to sleep that long you know he was tired. ) We were on the road by 7 AM and headed up to Louisville, KY where we planned to stop for the night.  Funny story . . .  No one mentioned that The Kentucky Derby was taking place the next day and every motel, hotel and dog house was booked solid. With no place to stay in the area we continued on another 120 miles to just outside Indianapolis, IN. The Man was still tired from the previous day so he let me drive most of the day.  We found a lovely hotel, had a quick dinner and we asleep by 8:30 PM.  We had driven a little over 600 miles. 

Normally we would have 2 more days of travel but because we had traveled so far the previous day we were only 8 hours from home.  We blew through Indianapolis, Indiana , blasted through Chicago, Illinois and drove right on through Milwaukee and Green Bay Wisconsin and right on up to the UP of Michigan. Only in America can you drive through 4 states in 8 hours.  

And now we are home.   Now begins the summer of not strangling The Man.  When we are in FL The Man is fairly well behaved because we consider the Florida condo to be mine.  My house My rules ! But when we head north the rules change and I am trespassing upon The Man's territory.  I have to keep reminding myself to keep my mouth shut !!  Not an easy task for me.  In the past 2 days I have had to remind myself several times I can not kill The Man. I doubt it is going to get any better. 

 At least there should be a couple of good blogs coming out of this.