It all started with an adorable little red squirrel. I wrote about him just this week. He is a cute little guy who has been hanging around our back patio ever since we returned from Florida. He is pretty fearless which is probably what got him in The Man's sights. If he had been a smart little squirrel The Man might never have noticed him but unfortunately that was not the case.
At first Red the squirrel was just part of the wildlife entertainment of living here but the more he hung around the more The Man decided he had to go. There was talk of a pellet gun but I shot down that idea. Then there was talk about setting up traps. The Man was ready to purchase rat traps which would have killed the little guy but then he decided to check with the neighbors to see if anyone had a trap with which we could just catch Red and relocate him. This was all being weighed and discussed until The Man saw Red go into a hole in the foundation of the house. This too is old news to anyone who reads my blog on a regular basis. The fact that Red was actually going into the house set a fire under The Man and he leaped into action. (The Man does not leap. nor does he provide much in the way of action. But he was now determined to stop Red. If he had taken care of this hole years ago we would not be leaping into anything but I say nothing.)
The PLAN began to form. WE, (meaning me) will go purchase some spray foam. When Red is visible outside the house WE. (meaning me), will grab the can of spray foam, race to the hole in the foundation and promptly fill it with foam. I did not mention to The Man that squirrels will probably chew through anything you stuff in a hole. I kept my thoughts to myself and figured I would just ride this one out.
A couple of days ago while we were out and about I was sent into the tractor supply store to purchase a can of spray foam. I had listened carefully to the lengthy list of instructions on what to buy. There turned out to be quite the assortment of foam, (Who knew!). I chose wisely as per my instructions and home we went ready to do battle. As we rode home I tried to read the extremely small print on the can so I would know what to do. Between the movement of the car and the poor light I couldn't read anything. I asked the man to please read the directions when we got home because I couldn't see them. (The Man has eyes of an Eagle. And the brain of a gnat.). I brought the can of foam into the house and put it on the kitchen counter near his chair. While doing this I again asked The Man to read the directions so we would know what to do when the moment of action arrived. He promised me he would do that right away.
Now I know better than to believe anything this man says. I always get an answer that has no thought behind it. It is just an answer so I will go away and leave him alone. I KNOW THIS !!! And yet I believed him when he said he DID read the directions on the can. I have never worked with spray foam. I get the principal of the thing, it is a can with a straw attached to the top. The straw is inserted in the opening, the lever is pressed down on the can and the foam fills the space. I guess The Man thought he knew all he needed to know because today when the "foam hit the fan" he didn't know shit !
It was a beautiful day today. The Man was taking a nap and I was sitting on the back patio reading. All of a sudden I hear a small voice calling my name. I look up and there stands The Man in the kitchen doorway pointing toward the flower bed while waving his other hand that was holding the can of spray foam. . At first I had no idea what he was doing but then I saw RED. Our little red friend was poking around the bird feeders. He was OUT of the hole in the house. The time had come, WE, (meaning me) must spring into action. It was all hands on deck and batten down the hatches ! As The Man handed me the can of foam I asked if I needed to turn it upside down? Shake it? or any other instruction. All The Man said was, "HURRY HURRY HURRY before "he" comes back!!!!!!" I took the can and headed for the hole.
If you have never worked with this foam in a can . . . DON'T !!!!!! That is my first piece of advice. My second piece of advice is READ THE DIRECTIONS !!!!!!! Do NOT leave that job up to your spouse. Read the directions yourself even if you have to buy a magnifying glass to see them.
Thinking this would not be difficult I stuck the straw up into the opening and pressed the trigger. Foam began to blast into the space and I could see it was working. It was at this point that The Man began shouting directions at me. "Hold it up straight,!!!! Turn the can!!!! Don't stop spraying !!!!!" I naturally just ignored him and continued working. First of all The Man is standing 15 feet away and can't see what I am doing and second I'm the one with the can in my hands. After shouting at me for several seconds he yelled, "DO YOU HAVE YOUR EARS IN ?" I stopped spraying, turned to him and quietly said, "Yes dear. I have my hearing aids in." To which he responded that I wasn't listening to him so he thought I couldn't hear him. (The deaf guy down the road could hear him. !!).
Now because I stopped to "listen" to The Man the foam in the can had now solidified in the straw and could no longer be sprayed. This irritated The Man until he realized there was a second straw taped to the side of the can which I quickly swapped out with the blocked one. I returned to spraying until we had foam oozing out and down the side of the house. This caused The Man to start yelling, "Push it back in!"
By now my hands were covered in foam and I could no longer bend them to push the trigger. Since the foam was oozing out I assumed it was because the space had been filled. I put down the can and asked The Man how do I remove the foam from my hands. Once again in true form the Man gave me an answer. Was it true? Was it false ? That is the question. His answer was that I "PROBABLY" should use a solvent. The word "probably" gave me reason to doubt him so I just went past him into the house and stuck my hands under the water. NOTHING !! Add a little soap. NOTHING! HUM ? I asked The Man if the directions had said how to remove this stuff. He told me we needed to wash it off with a solvent. Which he brought outside and proceeded to pour all over my hands. NOTHING !!!
By now I have the distinct impression that The Man has NOT read anything on the can ! And I am on my own with this mess. I found the can and my glasses and proceeded to do what I SHOULD have done right after I bought the damn stuff. This is what I read . . .
ATTENTION:
WEAR GLOVES WHEN WORKING WITH SPRAY FOAM. (OOPS ! Too late now).
CLEAN HANDS WITH WARM SOAPY WATER WHILE FOAM IS STILL WET. (OOPS Too late)
ATTENTION :
DO NOT USE SOLVENT TO REMOVE FOAM FROM HANDS !!! (OH CRAP! Too late now!!!)
My next option was to Google "How to remove spray foam from your hands". The first person to comment wrote, "Cut off your hand and get a new one". WHAT ? I read further, "READ THE DIRECTIONS!", "WEAR GLOVES" and on and on and on. This was not looking good.
And so I spent the past 2 hours rubbing vaseline on my hands and slowly picking off chunks of foam and three layers of skin. My hands are no where near to being cleaned off. The foam is not smooth it is scratchy and nasty. It reminds me of when we were kids and Elmers Glue was first sold. We would dip our hand into a plate of the glue and then let it dry. There was something so satisfying in pealing off those flakes of glue. Sometimes you were able to get a big strip off without ripping it.
THIS is NOT satisfying in the least. It is annoying, painful and irritating.
And The Man finds it hilarious! I may spray foam some of his body parts when he's sleeping.
No comments:
Post a Comment