SNEAKY APPLE CRISP

 Being in Michigan in Autumn is lovely.  When I first got here in mid October it was actually warm, quite sunny and delightful to be outside.   That has all changed.  Here we are on November second and I wore my winter coat and gloves to church this morning.  The day looks like it could snow but it's really not quite cold enough.  It's the perfect day to bake something. And since we have many, many apple trees what ever is going to be baked will include apples.  For some strange reason there were only about 3 of the 17 apple trees that actually produced apples this year.  Last year we had so many apples from all the trees most of them were eaten by the deer. There are just so many apple things to make before you can't stand the sight of one more recipe for apple what ever.  

This year we only had 2 trees produce apples.  One of the trees is on the edge of the property and I am told by The Man that those apples aren't very good. (I have eaten them right off the tree and they were delicious.)  The second tree is right outside the bedroom window so The Man can check it daily. This particular tree is his favorite and he thinks that the apples it produces are the best in the world. (I do agree, the are wonderful.) 

 It has taken me 3 weeks to settle in here at the farm,  catch up on my sleep and get readjusted to living with The Man.   I am sleeping GREAT but I think it will take A LOT longer to get used to you know who.  His COPD continues to worsen so we are home most of the time.  He has only gone out once since I have been here. He passes the time sitting on his kitchen chair watching TV and critiquing every thing I do.  

Apparently I have become senile and can't wash a dish or cook a meal without much input from his royal highness.  From his kitchen chair he has a direct line of sight into the kitchen so he can watch my every move. I am constantly being told where things are, (I have been coming here for 9 years so I think I pretty much know where to find just about anything.  Except my sanity.), and how to put the coffee into his cup and how to wash a dish without using any water. (Houdini couldn't perform THAT act.  God forbid I fill up the septic tank with a bowl of dish water.). 

Anyway . . .  I decided today would be a great day to bake something Apple.  I made the mistake of saying this out loud. And so it began. 

 TM:         " Don't make a lot. It's only the 2 of us here. You always make too much."                                              ME:          "OK. I'll cut the recipe in half."                                                                                                         TM:           "Even that's  too much."                                                                                                                   ME:           " Well dear, I can only cut it down so much. How do I cut an egg in half?"  (The recipe did not                      call for an egg but it suited my argument.)                                                                                                   TM:           "mumble mumble mumble"                                                                                                          

You can fill in the rest of the conversation because it just went around in circles for the next ten minutes. He finally gave up after remembering that I was going to do what I wanted no matter what he says. Rather than admit defeat he went into the bedroom to lie on the bed and watch football. (or take a nap). 

I gave him about 45 minutes to fall asleep and prepared myself for some ninja baking.  I figured I would take full advantage of his absence to bake some apple crisp in the BIG pan so that I can put some of it in containers and freeze it for mid winter when all the apples have rotted and I am craving something sweet but "healthy" (?)  I mean, hey, it's made with apples and oats. It's got to be a little healthy. I just won't  think about the sugar and butter.

Right now the house smells wonderful. The apple crisp is done and The Man is still in the bed room.  With any luck I can sneak some of the crisp into the freezer and wash the big pan before TM comes out into the kitchen.  What he doesn't know won't hurt him. 

And I won't need to take an extra Valium !

WHY ?????

 Do you have a garbage "can", bag, box in your kitchen?  You know, the thing that you throw scraps into; empty food containers, used paper towels, anything that doesn't go into the recycling container. I can't imagine a kitchen in the world that doesn't have someplace in their kitchen to throw the garbage.  Furthermore I would assume that if you have a trash can in your kitchen you actually USE it !  Unless you are The Man.

Since I have been coming to the farm there has been a big, fancy trash container standing in the kitchen right next to the stove.  It is an expensive one. It looks nice and it keeps the stinky garbage from smelling up the house. Especially these days when it is never used.  When I first started coming up here all garbage went into the kitchen trash container but somewhere along the way The Man decided he didn't want to use. that trash receptacle because the bag in it is too expensive to buy and too big to carry to the garbage can outside at the end of the drive way.  The bag is NOT too heavy nor is it too hard to carry. According to The Man it takes up too much space in the garbage can so that when the garbage man comes every 2 weeks there is too much trash in the can. 

Please read that paragraph again !

Picture an industrial size garbage can. That is what sits at the end of the driveways and gets emptied every 2 weeks by Delta Trash Company.  Delta has garbage trucks that have a robotic arm that lifts the can, dumps its contents in their truck and replaces the can where it was. You could probably put a piano in the trash can and the truck could lift and empty the can.  But according to The Man the plastic "tall kitchen bag" is too big for the outside trash container. His solution is to use twelve thousand small plastic grocery bags that he hangs on the side of one of the kitchen cabinet. We need an endless supply of these bags which are saved from whatever store we shop in. The Man even went so far as to put a hook on the cabinet so the bag won't fall off. (The last few years since this genius idea occurred to The Man the "Walmart" bags have been looped over the cabinet door which often resulted in the bag falling on the floor and dumping everything all over the kitchen. So now we have a hook!). These 12 thousand small plastic bags are not biodegradable and they will blow around the city dump for eons. As opposed to ONE larger plastic bag. Not only that but instead of having to take the trash out every 2 or 3 days we are taking out small bags 2 or 3 TIMES a day.  Good exercise for me.  

I have yet to figure out the sense in any of this. But as with everything else dealing with The Man HE is master of his domaine and what ever genius idea he comes up with THAT is what will be.  

Unfortunately I am having a hard time understanding or accepting these idiotic ideas of his. My 4 month "vacation "ALONE"  in Florida for my heart surgery gave me a reality check on normal.  Up here on the farm I am constantly biting my tongue to keep from slapping you know who up side his head.  Good thing I get to walk out to the garbage can several times a day to cool down.

Which brings up another issue.  The temperature in this house is like a sauna. I am wearing shorts and tank tops in the house and sweat shirts and jeans when I go out side.  I can not imagine what the temperature in here will be when it REALLY gets cold outside.  I am spending much of my time out in the parlor because there is no heat out here.  It is WONDERFUL !  Lots of windows with lots of sunshine. This room is one of the perks of coming here and it provides an escape for me because The Man's oxygen hose will not reach this far !!!

OH SHEETS

 How many ways are there to make a bed?  I'm sure if you are a member of the military you will say there is only ONE way to perform this task. But if you are a home health aide you will prove that wrong.  

I never realized how a simple task of putting sheets on a bed could be so challenging. Even just making the bed in the morning seems to be a job that requires a doctorate in engineering.  My mother is rolling over in her grave for sure.

When The Man came up to Michigan this year he arranged with the VA to provide helpers 3 days a week. They come any where between 9AM and noon and spend three hours here "helping" with laundry, light house keeping and odds and ends that The Man needs done. Some will go grocery shopping but that usually doesn't go well.  Some how or other a package of napkins can substitute for a roll of toilet paper or a box of tissues.  We are never sure of exactly what will be bought and brought home. I find this all pretty amusing but The Man finds little humor in it. 

Today we had a "new" girl show up as our helper.  The Man does not like it when the VA substitutes someone for his regular "girl".  He hates having to train someone new. There are very specific ways some things must be done and trying to get a new person familiar with where things like brooms, vacuums and other items are located is very irritating for him. So today when the door opened an hour later than the normal arrival time of Jamie and a total stranger stood there "we" were already annoyed.  Because there really wasn't that much to do today and the fact that this girl had never been here before "we" decided to keep it simple. I was on my way out to the chiropractor so I hadn't made our bed yet. I figured this would be an easy task and it would give the girl something to do.  She asked if she needed to wash the sheets and I told her that was not necessary. If she could just pull up the sheet and comforter that would be great. Off I went.

When I arrived home an hour later the helper was already gone. She was supposed to stay until 1:00 and it was only 12:15 when I returned. This was not a good sign so I knew things had not gone well. The first thing The Man said when I came in the house was, "Look at the bed!  Can you believe THAT is how she made the bed!"   Sure enough, he had good reason to be upset.  The bed looked like a herd of buffalo had stampeded across the room. Sheets were all scrunched up, pillows tossed willy nilly and the comforter was hanging half on the floor.   A blind, one armed chimpanzee could have done a better job.  But is that wasn't enough, The Man told me he asked the girl to sweep the kitchen floor and she asked if she should sweep UNDER the table.  That totally blew his mind.  

As bad as that was the best one occurred a couple of weeks ago before I got here. It was a Wednesday, which has become "change the sheets day". There were clean sheets all ready to be put on the bed when the others were put in the washer to be ready for next week.  The man sent the girl in to put the clean sheets on the bed, which she did. That evening when The Man went to climb into bed there was no flat sheet on top of the fitted sheet. He couldn't imagine where the flat sheet could be. He then realized that the "helper" had put the flat sheet on the bed first and put the fitted sheet over it !!!!  

Apparently these "young" people, who are in their 30's and 40's, must live under a rock and never learned how to make beds or sweep a floor. Heaven forbid we ever ask them to do something complicated like putting  dishes away.  I do think the world is in major trouble if this is what will someday be "in charge". 

Or is it just up here in the UP?  They make fun of the weirdos in Florida.  I think that even though the swamp people of Florida have fewer teeth they do have a bit more smarts. 

SOLITUDE

 I LOVE being alone.   No one to have to share a space with. No one to interrupt my thoughts or actions. No one to cook for. No one to "supervise" my every move. I feel like a fish in a fish bowl. There are ALWAYS eyes watching me AND commenting on EVERYTHING I do. I feel like an amoeba under a microscope.  

At the moment I am in my sanctuary sitting in the dark where I hope to go unnoticed for the next hour or more.  I just finished cleaning up dinner, grabbed my laptop and told The Man I was going to sit out in the parlor and "check my e-mail".  Of course he had 42 different things to tell me that he had apparently not thought of while we were eating dinner. These thoughts only come into his head when I am leaving the room. 

It is interesting that The Man who called me EVERY NIGHT for 5 months has nothing to say unless it is to tell me how to wash a dish or make a bed. He honestly does not know what he is doing. Yesterday I was making him a sandwich for his lunch and he started telling me how to put the ham and cheese on the bread. SERIOUSLY !!!    I told him to settle down,  if he didn't like how I made his sandwich he could do it himself.  He was taken back that I had a thought of my own and actually voiced it because I usually just give him an "OK" and go on doing what I'm doing. He apologized later but I still don't think he realizes just how "up tight" he is. 

The Man needs to be on anti anxiety meds but he tried them once for 2 days and decided he didn't l ike the way they made him feel.  As if they would have started working that quickly. I have met my match in being stubborn. And he isn't even a Taurus or German.  I thought Norwegians were supposed to be very easy going. 

The past week has been interesting. Getting used to sharing a space and not eating what I want when I want is a challenge. The good thing is that I can escape if I want to and head for town. The poor guy isn't going out much so I can suddenly decide I am out of tooth paste so I need to take a trip to the dollar store. My trips to the dollar store are a high point of my life in Michigan.  The place is such a "junk shop" but they have EVERYTHING. I love walking up and down the aisles checking out all the dumb stuff. Yesterday I bought a $4 Christmas tree. Complete with decorations and lights.  It's only 3 feet tall but that is all we need. I also bought an ugly $4 wreath and some ribbon to dress it up. 

In case you're wondering, Yes, I am already loosing my mind !  And I have only been here 10 days. Lord help me by the time February rolls around when I get to go home. I will be a stark raving lunatic !!!!! But I will have lots of Dollar Store junk to bring home with me. 

THE LORD AND MASTER

 Once again The Man is reigning over his kingdom. He sits upon his throne, (the red naugahyde kitchen chair) and rules his roost.  (Maybe I should have titled this blog "The Rooster")  I think I may buy him a crown and scepter for Christmas.  Oooo. and a red velvet cape.  Then he really would look like the king of the castle!    Anything has to be better than underwear and a tee shirt greeting me first thing in the morning.

The Man has been living "on his own" (with his nephew 24 hours a day and aids coming in 3-4 hours EVERY day) for the past 6 months.  He has totally forgotten everything I "taught" him and has reverted to his primal state of giving orders to everyone and anyone.  I AM NOT A HAPPY CAMPER !!  It has taken me nearly 10 years of "training" to get The Man to a point where he does not have to direct my every move. And now, we are back at square one. 

I am sure all the helpers who come in are in need of directions.  Because common sense no longer exists it has become necessary to give step by step directions on how to change the toilet paper roll, how to boil water, how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and numerous other simple tasks. It boggles my mind how these people can function in the world on their own.  The best one was the girl who changed the sheets on the bed and put the flat sheet on first with the fitted sheet over it.  GOOD LORD !!!   

Well this is surely the place to come because The Man thrives on giving directions.  He gets up in the morning, gets his cup of coffee and begins makings a list of things he wants the helpers to do.  Then, like a spider in its web, he waits for the first unsuspecting fly to enter his kitchen.  From that point on the helper is not allowed to do ANYTHING without the step by step instructions of The King.  

 I am not picking on The Man because I realize that he wants things done a certain way in his home. I feel the exact same way when someone is helping me in my house.  The difference between the 2 of us is in how the asking is done.  I will ask someone to grab the dishes and put them on the table.  The Man will start with something like this:  "You see that cabinet over there?"  (no pointing or any other indication of what cabinet he is talking about.). "Go to the cabinet and open the door. Reach inside and take out 2 dishes, the big ones with the flowers on them,  and bring them to the table. Don't forget to close the cabinet door.  Put one of the dishes on this side of the table and put the second one across from it."          By the time he gives all his directions dinner has burned.  

The Man does this will EVERYTHING as I have mentioned numerous times in numerous blogs. But after his living "alone" and me living alone for 6 months I am out of practice on keeping my patience.  The minute he starts with giving me directions I want to reach across the room and slap him silly.  This morning was a perfect example.  I wanted to wash the bath mats and towels from the bathroom.  I have been here a week and these items are looking like they have not been washed since the last time I was here six months ago.   The helpers have learned, as have I, not to do anything without first asking permission.  (It gives The Man the illusion of "being in charge". You and I know better.).  I am sure that the helpers have never given a thought to washing the mats and if they had I know The Man would have told them "no, they're fine."   So I gathered the mats and towels and walked into the throne room where I said to the king, " I would like to wash all these mats and towels. Is that OK with you?"  Naturally he knew the correct answer was "Yes. They really need washing."  

Now because the idea wasn't his to start with I now had to endure the endless directions on how to wash a towel. (As if I have never done this in my 80 years on earth.) The Man went through his step by step directions to  make sure I knew how to turn on the washer and what the settings should be on the machine. You would be SO proud of me.!  I just let him talk, (I did not bother to listen but I gave a good performance.). I washed the items exactly the way I have been for years on end. Thanked The Man for his help and went into the bedroom to scream into my pillow.

I think there may be a "come to Jesus" moment where I explain to The Man that I do not like him thinking he is the only one around here who knows how to do anything. And basically he should just SHUT THE HELL UP!   

OR

WE will just continue on as we have for the last 10 years where he thinks he's in charge but you, me and the man in the moon all know who's REALLY running this show.

LEAF BLOWING AND OTHER FUN ACTIVITIES

 I LIKE LEAF. BLOWERS !!!!!!!  I find great satisfaction in blowing a mess of leaves off my lanai or lawn.   It is almost as enjoyable as power washing the lanai.  

I know you're thinking, "Is she NUTS????"  Probably !  But II feel very young and productive doing both those tasks.  (Although I usually make more of a mess than there was when I started.  I was one of those kids who ALWAYS jumped into a pile of leaves.  Much to the chagrin of my dad and our neighbors.) To be quite clear, I HATE raking leaves. But with a leaf blower I will spend hours out side. Squirrels and bunnies beware !   

My first leaf blower was one that Husband and I bought when we bought our house on Long Island.  We had a decent size front and side lawn that would be totally covered with leaves once September arrived.  Husband was a creature of habit and would only use a rake to gather leaves. (He also had the belief that if God put the leaves there God could clean them off.  The same went for snow.). But then guilt would raise its ugly head and the entire family was enlisted to RAKE LEAVES.  We HATED it !!!!   The kids would disappear within seconds of Husbands announcement that "today we ALL rake leaves".  I would attempt to make it a game but the kids were too smart for that.  Finally I woke up and bought a leaf blower. SO much better !!!!!

We left the leaf blower with the house when we moved from NY. to FL because we were moving into a community that. provided lawn service. Once a week there would be an invasion of Guatemalans racing around everyone property cutting lawns and blowing leaves.  When Husband died and I moved into a condo and met The Man I started traveling north to MI in. the summer. In MI we live on a farm that has lots of trees but because no one cares, no one rakes leaves.  So why does The Man have THREE leaf blowers?   (Haven't figured that one out yet.).   When we arrived at the farm each year I checked out the property and figured out where my leaf blowing skills were needed. It keeps me busy most of the summer. The MI leaf blowers are large and heavy so I have to pace myself.  I do enjoy it. 

This year because of my heart surgery I remained in Florida for the entire summer while The Man returned to the farm.  He misses me.  Awwwwww.  How sweet.  I will be traveling up there in a few weeks to experience my FIRST winter in Northern MI.  (Yes I am actually looking forward to spending the holidays up North.).    But back to the leaf blower.   When I returned home after 3 weeks in the hospital I realized my "garden" on the lanai was OUT OF CONTROL !!   Some sort of weed had invaded everything.  My climbing, flowering plant by the door was dead and there were leaves EVERYWHERE.   Being 3 weeks out of the hospital there was NO WAY I was going to do any gardening.  I could barely stand on my own no less rake leaves.  I blocked it out of my mind and went on my merry way to rrcovery, which included a LOT of naps.     

Fast forward to about a week ago when I realized I was no longer exhausted and I was able to do just about anything. That was when my Amazon account went through the roof.  I bought an electric scrubber for the bathroom showers.  I bought an electric can opener.  I bought a reading light for over my bed AND most importantly, I bought a LEAF BLOWER.   Even though I live in a community that provides lawn service I have a very large lanai that, even though it is completely screened in, fills with leaves.  Some blow in from outside when I leave the door open but most of them come from the various plants that I have growing in my garden.  (Inside on 2 sides of the screened in lanai there is a 2 foot wide section of dirt that can be used for planting. It doesn't sound like much but there is probably about 50 feet of soil in which I have experimented with over the 9 years we have lived here. ). Sadly none of my experiments were successful.     And so I have a lovely border around my Lani filled with weeds. 

But now, when I return to. FL in February when it hopefully will be cooler I. can pull weeds and blow them into the trash with my handy dandy. leaf blower. 

MICHIGAN RETURN

 Hang on to your hats . . . the blogs are about to resume.    I finally have something to write about thanks to my return to The Farm and The Man.  I had a WONDERFUL 6 months of living on my own.  Even with a month of surgery and rehab and temperatures in the 90's I still had a great time spending the summer in my condo.  

   To refresh your memory, The Man and I were in Florida for the whole winter. But once the weather started to warm up to boiling The Man knew he had to head back North to his home.  Mid April found him riding back to MI with his son where he immediately got sick and ended up in the hospital for a few days.  Once that passed he has been doing fantastic living "alone".  He has "helpers" coming in every day, seven days a week and his nephew moved in so that The Man would not be alone at night.  Win, win for everyone.  The Man has flourished and I was living my best life alone in FL.  (Except for the nightly one hour phone calls from The Man EVERY night I was free as a bird.). 

But all good things must come to an end.   After recouping from my heart surgery for 3 months and hearing EVERY NIGHT  how much The Man misses me I have been "guilted" into going back to Michigan to see The Man. The idea of not having to spend an hour or more every night talking about nothing was incentive enough to get my butt on a plane and head north. I have heard nothing since I arrived here except how much I am loved which is a lovely thing to hear.  Now it is my job to get The Man to settle down and stop hovering and directing and advising me about everything from how to cook dinner to taking out the garbage.   It seems I must have had brain surgery instead of heart surgery because The Man thinks I need constant supervision. (Actually he isn't that far off in his thinking.). Time will pass and we will settle back into our old routine of me being in charge and him being too afraid to speak. 

Before returning to The Farm I prepared myself for the changes I would have to make.  Number 1 being the change in climate.   Not the outside climate . . .   the temperature IN the house.  So far the weather outside is perfect.  High 60's, sun shine, slight breeze. PERFECT !!!!!!!   Apparently The Man does not open a. window or door to see what the weather is. He just looks at the calendar and decides that it is now mid October so the heat in the house MUST go on.  I am dying !!!  This house is so hot I can bake bread by just leaving it on the counter top. I have to return to my Ninja mode where I sneak around turning down the thermostat whenever The Man is not looking. It is going to be a long 4 months until my return to independent living in FL. 

Number 2 changes are food.  I lost about 15 pounds after my heart surgery. Mostly from the 2 weeks post op that I had zero appetite. It has been enough of an incentive to watch what I am eating.  Living alone. it is easy. Living with an ice cream addict it is nearly impossible.  I mean, who eats ice cream for breakfast?? Yup, you guessed it. I got the man drinking smoothies for breakfast but in order to make his smoothie even better he adds ice cream.  Then he has lunch of a sandwich which he doesn't like to eat alone even though I don't eat lunch.  And forget about dinner.  No more just a salad for me, it must be accompanied by a steak or burger or (ugh) potato sausage.  I am doing my best but it sure  isn't as easy as living alone. 

Numbers 3 & 4 . . . sleep and TV.  I have become accustomed to watching anything I want from 7PM till 1AM.  I never turn on the TV during the day and when I do watch TV it is something quirky, funny or romantic.  NEVER a war movie or western. I will get my dinner, head for the couch and turn on the TV ready for a night of binge watching.  I come to MI and it is Fox News at 5 for sure. It is usually preceded by what ever other news is on from the time The Man gets up from his nap around 3 till dinner time when we eat at the kitchen table watching Fox TV.  The Man showers shortly after dinner and heads for bed by 7:15.  At 7:15 at night I am just getting ready to settle down to dinner and several hours of TV. But now I have someone asking when I am coming to bed because he is lonesome. 

It will take some time for me to readjust to "married" life.  So until I do you can expect blogs on a pretty regular basis. I hope you enjoy but even if you don't I need to write to keep from killing someone I am living with.