TOXIC FUMES

Just when you think it can't get any worse there is ALWAYS just one more thing that slaps you up side your head to remind you that,  YES,  there is always something else that can go wrong and assuredly will do just that.

I consider myself an optimist . . . little miss Pollyanna always looking for the bright side and giving wonderful spiritual uplifting advice.  "F" THAT. !!!!  Over this past month I have exceeded my lifetime allotment of cursing, swearing and calling on God to "MAKE IT STOP!"  God is shaking His head and telling me to learn from all the shit that is pouring down each and every day.  I'm trying to do something good here but it is getting pretty ridiculous.

Today's reminder that I am just a speck of dust in the whole scheme of things and should not get pissy when things go "wrong" was when I filled my house with toxic fumes so bad that The Man and I are now living on the lanai for the next 3 weeks. Thankfully Pollyanna can say that is not a bad thing to have to be homeless right now since the sun is shining, the weather is warm and beautiful but I really have to pee and the house is still filled with smoke. (The neighbors might frown on me peeing in the garden.)

It all started yesterday when I realized once again that I had over done my food intake and now was paying the price of an inflamed colon.  I can go months without a flare up but once I get too sure of myself and start eating all those things that I shouldn't then it is months of payback until I can get my intestines to settle back down.  I think the macadamia nut incident may have been the breaking point. 

It's Christmas and people send all sorts of "goodies" in the mail to help you celebrate the holidays.  One too many nut filled candy bars or one too many sugar cookies and my innards are flared up and I am in pain. I had been eating excessive amounts of nuts and stuff before the macadamia nuts so when I cleaned out my system after the allergic reaction to the nasty little nuts I thought I had dodged a bullet.  NOT !!

Yesterday my innards let me know they were not happy with how I had been treating them and they sent out some warning signs to quit eating EVERYTHING until things settled back down.  Heaven forbid I not eat for 24 hours . . . I might wither away to nothing.  (If only).  But I did keep my food intake down to a piece of toast and some special tea that is supposed to help calm things down in the nether regions of my intestines.  Only problem is that the tea is a collection of seeds and leaves that need to be steeped in boiling water. OK, no problem . . .  I decided to fill a small pan with water, add the leaves and bring it all to a boil. Voila !!  Real tea with honey that really did make my tummy feel better.  I left the pan on the stove so that I could make another batch of tea this morning. I turned off the burner and went to bed.

Fast forward to this morning when I was feeling slightly better physically. (Mentally I am a hot mess) I got up knowing I would not eat anything for the day so I escaped to the guest bedroom to stay away from temptations in the kitchen.  I got working on cleaning out my computer desk which led to cleaning off all the book shelves and sorting through boxes of pens, paper and the like.  By 1:00 I still hadn't taken my morning meds so I decided to heat up another batch of tea.  Being a total and complete DUMB ASS I filled the pot with water and tea leaves, turned on the burner and went back into the guest bedroom to finish putting stuff away.  I swear I was only in there a few minutes when I went back into the kitchen which was FILLED FILLED FILLED with smoke. TOXIC SMOKE !!

Dumb Ass me had turned on the wrong burner. Sitting ON that "wrong" burner were my 4 plastic Christmas drink glasses.   Note to self, "Heat and Plastic DO NOT mix!"  The glasses were melting all over the burner while producing the most noxious smell imaginable.  The smoke from this disaster filled the entire condo so badly that I could see it in every room.  Luckily The Man had been avoiding me and my nasty disposition by sitting out on the lanai so he wasn't breathing in this God awful smoke.  I quickly ran through the house opening all the doors and windows and turning all the ceiling fans along with the exhaust fans in both bathrooms and the kitchen. We had to move out to the far side of the lanai away form the smoke wafting out the doors and The Man had to hook up to his tank of oxygen because the concentrator in the living room was sucking in the toxic fumes before sending them on to The Man.

At the moment The Man is asleep in one of the reclining chairs on the lanai, the house is still airing out and I am sitting here thinking of ways to kill myself before this idiocy gets any worse.  Because you know it WILL get worse and worse and worse until I figure out just what the hell it is that God is trying to tell me. 

CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED

 It is official . . .  Christmas is cancelled !!  Bah Freaking Humbug ! ! !

I told The Man NOT to ask what else could possibly go wrong after the past week's disasters. But NO, he HAD to say it, . . . "WHAT ELSE CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG?"   Dumb Ass !  Doesn't he know not to tempt the God's by saying things like that. 

Today is Christmas Eve.  The Man and I baked cookies yesterday.  It was wonderful.  The cookie dough was the perfect consistency for rolling and cutting so the sugar cookies all came out looking good. (Except for the one small batch that I managed to burn.  So what's new?). The baking and the clean-up went smoothly and all was well with the world.  

Was it possible that our black cloud of doom FINALLY lifted from over our heads?

HA !!!!!  That would be way too much to ask.

This morning we got up and started preparing the last few things for tomorrow's celebration. The Man cut the ribs, seasoned them and popped them into the oven to slow cook. I got out all the serving dishes and cleaned out the fridge to make room for tomorrows bar-b que.  No big fancy roast for us. We are going simple and easy. The 5 grand kids don't want a fancy sit down dinner so we were having sliders, dogs and ribs.  

Note I said, "we were having".  PAST TENSE

Yup, Christmas is cancelled.  NO dinner of any sort. No grand kids, no excitement, no gifts. NADA, NOTHING, ZERO.

I texted my daughter this morning to ask her to call me when she had a moment so we could set up our plan for tomorrow.  I didn't hear from her for a while. Little did I know she was busy trying to get an "at- home" Covid test kit.  My 10 year old grand son has tested positive for Covid.  He feels fine, in fact he feels BETTER than fine. He is so excited about Christmas. He is still a believer.  

Back up to Tuesday when Finn and I spent most of the day together shopping for his parents and sister. When we got home to his house after our shopping spree Finn put his gifts under the tree and then went out to play with his friends.  The next day my daughter told me how Finn had come home crying because he stepped in dog poop.  (He actually stepped in and slid through dog poop.). My daughter and her husband tried to calm Finn down but there was no consoling him.  They were suspicious that there was more to the issue and sure enough the next day Finn had a low grade fever and was just down for the count. This is not unusual for this child . . .  ever since he was about 3 Finn has had "monthly" fevers.  Low grade fever and lethargic for 24 hours. After many many doctors it was diagnosed as a "thing" that many kids suffer from when their vitamin D is low.  Finn now takes regular doses of the vitamin and is fever free unless he is stressed. Christmas excitement constitutes "stress" so the fever was no surprise to my daughter. 

Until today when Finn's fever went up to 103 . . .  sensing something was off Keri tracked down a Covid test kit and swabbed Finn's nose and VOILA !  Covid positive.  

If The Man did not have COPD I would have ignored all this and said, "COME ON OVER" but we really can't take chances. My youngest child and his children were supposed to come up for the day tomorrow but they are afraid I might be contagious.   ME ?????   Yup, a valid concern since I spent all day Tuesday with the walking Petri dish called Finn.   

 I feel fine but I am so disappointed I spent an hour crying.  Maybe I'm not OK.  

But then I put it all in perspective and realized it could be, and probably will be, a lot worse so we will continue to push on and see what is in store for us next.  

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN TROUBLE WHEN . . .

 My life has officially sunk so far into the toilet that I am praying someone would just please FLUSH ! Helloooooooo,  anyone ??????   Please just pull the plunger and put a stop to this insanity. (Oh wait, you can't flush because this morning our toilet in the master bathroom started running and won't stop so we had to turn off the water.)

I know I am in big trouble because when I FINALLY got home today and grabbed my holiday wine glass from the cabinet I filled it with PRUNE JUICE!  Not that I wanted to spend my late afternoon enjoying a large, cold glass of prune juice but when nature puts out an SOS for help you had better listen.  

It all started the day of the macadamia nut candy that I was praying and hoping was NOT in fact macadamia nuts but of course with the way my life is running these days you and I knew full well that those freaking little nuts were the one and only food item on this earth that I can not eat.  I guess I dodged a partial bullet when I only took one bite before realizing what they were because I never actually projectile vomited but I was nauseous as hell for the entire night and then spent several hours running for the potty every 15 minutes or so.  By 3 AM I had finally had enough of all that so I found some old Pepto Bismol tablets and popped 2 of them.  The did settle things down enough for me to get a couple of hours sleep but I am paying the price for their wonderful "clotting" action. Thus the wine glass full of prune juice this afternoon.  

DEAR GOD MAKE IT STOP !!!

Can I also bring you up to date on how we spent all day Monday ?  We had a wonderfully fun day sitting in Urgent Care medical and then the ER at our local hospital.  FUN, FUN, FUN . . .    This all goes back 6 years when I first met The Man.  He had a dime size lump on his back right in the middle on his spine. I questioned him as to whether he knew it was there and he assured me he knew it was there and it was "nothing" !  End of discussion.  On a few other occasions over the years I have attempted to ask him about the lump only to be told, "Leave it alone, it's "nothing".  End of discussion.  Well over the past weekend The Man, who we shall henceforth refer to as DUMB ASS, asked me to look at his back because it was sore when he leaned back in the chair.  Low and behold the dime size lump on his back is now larger than a fifty cent piece and part of it is red and nasty looking.  I took a picture of it on my phone and showed it to him to which he said, "What the Hell?  Where did THAT come from?".  I reminded him of the lump that he has had for at LEAST SIX YEARS and his answer to that was,      . . .      wait for it,   . . .  (you know exactly what he said don't you)  . . . The Man said . . . "WHAT LUMP?   I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD A LUMP ON MY BACK".   God stepped in at about this moment and sealed my lips shut and tied my hands behind my back because without Diving Intervention I would have slapped the living shit out of Dumb Ass.  The idiot actually did not remember that I had ever told or asked him about the small lump.    

And so as the weekend went on and the lump became more tender to the touch I told him he REALLY should get it looked at.  Monday morning he called the VA to talk to the "on call" nurse.  She told him to go to a walk in medical ASAP because it sounded like it was a cyst that was infected.  Into the car, off to the walk in where we waited 3 (THREE) hours to see a nurse practitioner who told us she wouldn't touch it or prescribe anything because it was on his spine.  GO TO THE ER . . . so back in the car and off to spend the next 4 (FOUR) hours in the ER where the very nice doctor gave The Man a prescription for an antibiotic and told him to get his ass to a surgeon who will probably have to remove the cyst.  They even gave Dumb Ass the name of a surgeon but he has chosen to wait 2 (TWO)  weeks when he has an appointment to see his GP at the VA.   

And so THAT is why I am drinking prune juice out of a wine glass which I will now go fill with either wine, alcoholic egg nog or straight Jack Daniels.  Or maybe I will just make a cocktail of all three and see where that gets me.    Which ever path I take I know I am in trouble. 

MAYBE ITS NOT OVER

 The Man and I just returned from our, "PLEASE GOD", last trip to Port Saint Lucie.  As we drove home I was thanking God for hearing my prayers and hopefully turning things around for me.  I think the incident at the gas station this morning may have gotten God's attention, FINALLY, but now I'm not so sure. I WILL be sure in one hour so I'll keep you posted. 

Back track to this morning when The Man and I packed up our miserable, aching bodies and left the house for our drive to Cousin LuLu's old house in order to clean out the last remaining crap.  The Man said he needed gas because yesterday he had tried to stop at a gas station to fill the tank but the pump kept telling him to go inside to the cashier.  Normally I pump the gas because The Man is tied to an oxygen hose all the time and it is difficult to get out, switch the oxygen hose from the front of the car to the back. Yesterday he went out to get his hair cut, being the smart man that he is he knew better than to ask me to take a pair of scissors in my hand to trim his hair.  When he came out of the barber he stopped at a local gas station and attempted to use his debit card.  It didn't work so he finally gave up and came home rather than having to unload oxygen to walk into the gas station store to see the cashier.  Today we pulled in to the same station, I got out and tried to use his card and got the same message to see the cashier.  I took the card in and after several tries they told me the card was declined.  It figures, just one more thing to go wrong.  I went back to the car, got out my credit card and proceeded to get the pump working to the point of telling me to, "remove the handle and choose the grade of gas I wanted".  I have done this a thousand times before but because my thumb, (the one I slammed in the car door on Friday), is now the size of a watermelon, I had difficulty grabbing the nozzle. When I did manage to get a hold of the slippery little sucker I turned with the nozzle in my hand in order to insert it into the cars tank when it suddenly started spraying gas on the side of the car and down my arm and leg. There was much cursing and swearing and yelling at God that I had had ENOUGH !!!  When I finally filled the tank I returned to the passenger side of the car, opened the door and asked The Man to PLEASE throw a lit match at me with the hope of going up in a blazing ball of flame.  I seriously wanted to die. 

I guess this was the point that God realized I was quite at the end of my rope and he better step in or I would be jumping off the Juno Beach pier.  We had a lovely ride north, got some coffee and a sandwich, got through the security gate at LuLu's old community, arrived at her house and got in to start the last gathering.  The neighbor next door came over and helped us load the last of the boxes into The Man's car and within an hour we were on our way back home.  We planned a stop to see my cousin and to drop off the stuff we had collected but when we got to the residence my cousin was not there.  I was told she had been talked into joining other residents on a trip to a wonderful restaurant for lunch and would be gone several hours.   HALLELUJAH   LORD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I am soooooooooo happy LuLu is joining in with her neighbors and hopefully settling in to a wonderful new life.

The Man and I made a quick get-a-way and arrived home tired and happy.  BUT . . . it couldn't possibly end on that happy note could it ?  Nooooooooo, there is just one more hurdle to overcome and with any luck I will dodge this last bullet.   As a Christmas gift we were sent some wonderful chocolates from my favorite chocolate shop in Michigan.  A lovely gift from The Man's brother and wife.  There were six large "turtles" in the box.  Chocolate covered Carmel and nuts which both The Man and I LOVE !!!  We ate a couple of them when they first arrived on Friday so they were sitting on the counter top when we got home today.  I changed into my comfy clothes, stopped in the kitchen to grab a "turtle" and headed out onto the lanai to write this blog.  As I bit into the candy I looked at the type of nut that was in this particular one and the realization that this could very well be a Macadamia nut turtle now has me waiting to see it I am going to be spending the remainder of the day throwing up.  I get violently sick when I eat Macadamia nuts and am usually very carful to make sure there are never any of these evil little nuts in things that I eat but I never even gave it a thought that one of these candies could have them in it.  So fat so good but I still have about a half hour until I know I'm in the clear.

Just when I thought we had made it out of Hell here is one last zinger to let me know life isn't perfect and I better watch my butt every second of every day.  And even then you are never sure you are good to go. 

DUMBEST PLATITUDE EVER !!!!!!!

 If one more person tells me, "You HAVE to take care of yourself", I am going to punch them in the face !!

This stupid remark is always said with the very best intentions.   I know that because I have been guilty of telling many people the very same thing.  "You are no good to anyone if you don't take care of YOURSELF!"   makes total and complete sense except for the fact that when you are in the midst of chaos and your life is sucking to the tenth degree you REALLY do NOT want some well meaning person saying you need to take care of yourself.   

I would love to "take care of myself" but right now that is just not an option.  Things need to be done and since no one else is stepping up to do them you know who gets to be number one.  A very dubious distinction at best.  

It has been Hell for the past month.  The devil knew exactly what buttons to push and what my very own private hell would be and then he maneuvered me into the worst possible place at the worst possible time. Thankfully I do have God at my back who has been the ONLY way I have kept from driving off a bridge.

My Hell has revolved around my "darling" Cousin Lucille.  I may have written about the large leak she had in her house this past August and the awful mess she was left with.  Insurance company paid for the clean up but the repairs and remodeling of the guest bath, guest room and living room were left for Lucille to manage.  The insurance company gave her a check for what they thought the work and replacement carpet and bathroom vanity would cost but dear cousin Lu put the check in the bank and left the mess for another day.  She had been living in 3 rooms of her house while the other rooms were left with no flooring and the furniture pushed into the middle of the rooms.  It was DISGUSTING because the dog thought this was it's on personal poop park so it just squatted where ever, when ever it chose.  But of course Cousin Lu did not see any of this because she did not go into those rooms.  

In Lucille's defense I must tell you she is 91 years old and the dog is 14 so between the two of them we really can't expect much.

The woman has 2 step children who call her but DO NOTHING.  So it is up to me to make it all right. Could I just say, "NOPE, NOT MY PROBLEM" ?  Sure, but you know I can't do that.  My parents taught me too well to take care of those around me and because I have no siblings my "family" consists of 5 cousins, of which Lucille is the oldest and the one living nearest to me. Ever since her husband died 14 year ago she has turned to me EVERY time there is a problem.  That is the only time I hear from her. 

Bottom line, I searched, visited and set up appointments at different "Senior Residences" near me in order to move the princess out of her house and into someplace that could monitor her.  I attempted to do this with her 2 years ago but she "WASN'T READY YET!" My drive back and forth to Port St. Lucie takes an hour each way and was becoming a weekly chore thus the decision on both her and my part to move her to Jupiter which is only 15 minutes away, (if I don't get caught by the draw bridge).  

The big move happened this past Tuesday. I was up at 5 AM to get up to her to pack up the last of her crap before the movers arrived.  And so begins the REAL nightmare.

For the past year or more Lucille has had an aide coming into her home every day for 3 or more hours. Once the decision was made to move from the house I had the aide packing up Lucilles stuff.  I was up there several times working with the aide, explaining how I wanted the boxes placed so we would know what was going and what was staying.  

Moving day was CHAOS !!!!  Lucille invited neighbors over to say good bye.  She had her financial advisor come over to say good-bye, AND she had her aide come in who kept moving boxes around.  Lucille kept walking around picking up things saying, "Oh, I want to take this" . . . (I had been with her on 3 separate days prior to moving where we went through cabinets and closets making decisions about what to pack or leave, all to no avail come moving day.). When I finally got her out of the house and into my car we drove down to her new residence where we met the moving people. I handed Lucille over to the amazing staff at the residence while I directed the movers where to place her furniture.  We set it all up, made her bed and brought her up to her new home.  She had visited the residence previously and loved it . . . Of COURSE she loved it . . .  EVERY day from 4-6 the lounge is open with a fully stocked bar and a very personable bar tender. Drinks are half price, entertainment is provided and they have olives to put in her martini.   

I understand it is a trauma for the old girl. BUT she is making it miserable for me.   I was with her all day Tuesday from 5 AM when I got up to drive up to Port St. Lucie till 8 PM when she finally settled down in her new home.  Wednesday I was with her from 9 AM to 6:30 PM unpacking, putting things away, getting the cable guy to set up her TV and phone.  It was at that point I realized we were missing a BUNCH of things from her house.  Boxes with her old phone in them, Waterford crystal, kitchen plates, the dog's bed and toys . . . the list goes on.  I have NO idea where these things are or how they got left behind.  OH Wait . . .  I do know how they got left behind . . .  with all the freaking people coming and going and in the way on moving day at her house it's a wonder we remembered to bring Lucille.  I was running between the movers, dodging visitors, stepping over the damn dog and packing up all the last minute shit that Lu decided she needed.  She and the aide had packed NOTHING from her bathroom or her bedroom closet.  God bless the movers, I just told them to throw EVERYTHING into boxes and we'd sort it out later.  That crap got there, other stuff did not.

And so now I have to drive back up to her old home to try to find all the missing boxes.   Sounds easy enough EXCEPT for the fact that Lucille is selling the house to her long time friend and next door neighbors daughter. Because the daughter and spouse are now living with the mother next door to Lucilles house Lucille saw fit to give them the keys to the house so they could come in and start working on the place.  Only one problem . . . the buyers apparently went into the house the same day we left it and started EMPTYING it out . . .  I TOLD them I was coming back on the weekend to go through the things that were left because I KNEW we were bound to have forgotten something.  Well, the vultures went in and started throwing out stuff . . .  I called them on Wednesday to say I'd be up on Sunday to look for all the missing boxes and I was met with dead silence . . .  "Oh, we cleared out a bunch of stuff" . . . 

Yes,  I am living in Hell.  Don't know what I will find tomorrow but I do know I better not bring a gun with me because blood will be spilled.  

Speaking of spilling blood . . .  the absolute complete topper to this miserable week was last night as I returned from a quick 2 hour visit to Lucille, (after spending 4 hours at the car dealer with The Man to have his "new" car fixed), I pulled into my parking spot, gathered my stuff, climbed out of my car and  SLAMMED my thumb in my car door.  I didn't know it was possible to slam your own finger in your car door but it is now a proven fact that it is quite possible.  Once I stopped crying I walked up to my house and BEGGED God for some help here.  I'm on my final "straw".

So when The Man and my loving daughter told me today to "TAKE CARE OF MYSELF" I had to choke back the plethora of curses because I know they love me and really are concerned about the toll this is taking on me but I REALLY DO NOT want to hear that platitude EVER again unless you are handing me a one way ticket for a cruise to an uninhabited island in the Caribbean.  

HELLOOOOOOOOOOO AGAIN

So sorry I have gone missing but when you loose your mind things have a tendency to fall by the way side.  

Quick up-date.  I have been living in my own personal hell now for about a month.  I find NOTHING amusing or entertaining or calming these days.  I do not sleep and I just want to disappear from the face of the earth. All of this thanks fo my cousin.  Quick version. . . cousin is OLD, had to move out of her house and into a "residence" where she will be safer.  Guess who got the job . . . 

I can't say any more because my blood pressure is out of control and I now have an ulcer. 

MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS !

But I will leave all that behind and tell you that I had the most wonderful Thanksgiving week ever.  I had all my kids and grandkids together for a day and it was AMAZING !!!  Thank you God for that gift!  When did my grandkids get so grown up and funny and great to be with all together?   

I hope you all are as blessed as I am and that you can and will remember all the good things in your lives when the going gets rough.  Stay well and hopefully I will be back some time after the holidays.