WHERE DOES ALL THIS HATE COME FROM ????

Today I got an e-mail from a family member who I have known for over 50 years and to say the least it was not very nice.  Apparently I messed up and forwarded a Christmas e-mail to my entire "Friends" list rather than just to my Republican friends. My Bad . . .  In response to my goof this particular in-law sent me a NASTY note to tell me in no uncertain terms that she did NOT like what I had sent.  There was no greeting, no room for error, no allowance for the fact that I am senile at times and not as perfect as the rest of the world appears to be.  HEY,    I screwed up and I am very sorry for offending anyone who has different political affiliations from me. But SERIOUSLY . . . you had to get THAT angry over this ????????  Whoa . . .   CHILL OUT PEOPLE !  You get something that you don't agree with hit the "f'ing" DELETE button, don't read any further, move on and get over it.

WHERE DOES THIS HATE COME FROM that so many people are feeling for the past three years ?
Our political views are our own and if you don't agree with some one else's ideas you just nod your head, move on and don't discuss politics.  That 's what my BFF Sharon and I do.  We have been BEST friends for well over 45 years and I love her more than I would love a sister but we are at totally opposite ends of the political spectrum.  A few years ago she politely asked me to cease and desist in sending her anything political.  I have tried to honor that and I don't love her any less.  We can talk about EVERYTHING except politics and that is fine with both of us.  Occasionally I make a mistake and she knows that it is not meant to be hurtful it is just me being a ditz and screwing up yet again.  I don't hate her because she supports a different political party and she makes the same concession for me.

But not everyone is capable of being like this.  The majority of people I have encountered who do not support our present president HATE  him with a capital "H".  Where does this come from ??? Why such violent reactions to the leader of our country?   I get it that you may or may not be happy with who is in charge but if you are on the "loosing" end of an election take a deep breath and wait 4 years and you will have another opportunity to get someone you do like into the Oval Office.   I did that with the last president . . . I was very disappointed when President Obama was elected but that's what ELECTIONS are all about.  It's the people who are choosing . . . (And don't bother explaining the "Electoral College" . . . the majority of the country who voted chose the candidate they wanted.)  I trust in our country to get it right so when you "LOSE" suck it up and move on.     WHY are so many people expending SOOOOOOO much energy hating everyone and everything that does not agree with them.

I don't think GOD is very happy with us these days . . .  turning against friends and family, being SO adamant that we can't even be civil to others who don't agree with us.  That's not what we were put here to do. What happened to love your neighbor ?  What happened to giving someone the benefit of the doubt before we attack ?

Maybe our next president will give some serious thought to putting Prozac in the country's drinking water.  Take a chill pill folks.  Life is way too short to get so worked up.

Think of the example we are setting for our children.  All the school shootings and street attacks are happening for a reason.  Our kids are picking up on our attitudes and reactions to life.  When someone can get so upset and worked up about politics we need to remember that our kids are watching and taking note that it is "perfectly normal" to hate and be vocal about that hate.

What has happened to Forgiveness, Empathy, Patience, Compassion and Acceptance?  Remember the AA prayer . . . God give me the strength to accept with serenity the things I can not change
                                           The courage to change the things that I can change
                                                   and the wisdom to know the difference.

HOLIDAY RETURNS

Tis the season for gift giving which only leads to standing in the endlessly long RETURN line at your favorite store.

I called my daughter two days ago and when she answered I could tell she was in her car heading somewhere. When I asked where she was going she told me she was going to Kohls and Five Below to return 2 items.  (In case you aren't familiar with Five Below it is similar to a Dollar Store but everything in the place costs less than five dollars.  It also carries items that are very different from your run of the mill junk store.  I always find something out of the ordinary that I just must have because, after all, it only costs five dollars !! )     But because things are so cheap I couldn't imagine why my daughter would bother to travel across town to return something so inexpensive.  Being my daughter she knew EXACTLY what I was thinking so she went right into an explanation.   Keri had bought something for her daughter and then found a better one somewhere else. She said she was going to drop the cheaper toy in one of the "Toys for Tots" bins but because it was only 5 days before Christmas all the collection bins had been removed from the stores.  And so she returned a $5 toy.  She did not learn this from her mother who will buy something, decide 2 weeks later that I really don't want it and will then donate it to a charity.    I HATE returning things !!!

And so today when The Man and I took a ride to visit the infamous Cousin Lu Lu  I cringed when she  "asked" me to take her to the store to return something.  Every time I visit my cousin she will have  several things for me to do. The tasks range from taking out the garbage, walking the dog, helping her do something on her computer or take her shopping. I am always rewarded with lunch out at Friendlies or some other local chain eating establishment for which she ALWAYS has a coupon. The adventures are endless and exhausting and usually give me much fodder for my next blog once I stop laughing/crying/muttering to myself.  There is never a dull visit !

 I thought I had seen it all when it came to the outrageous and ridiculous actions of my dear cousin but today was beyond anything I have experienced in all my years.  
                                     
                              TODAY  WE  RETURNED . . .  . . .  . . .   ICE CREAM. !!!

Yes, I said ice cream . . .  melted, partially eaten ice cream .

I know people return all sorts of things but I draw the line at ice cream.  In fact pretty much any food item should never be returned unless it has spoiled. There are times when you open a package of meat and it is rotten.  Or a container of milk smells awful when you open it at home.  It does happen,  and at the price of groceries these days you should take it back to either exchange it for a new item or get your money back.   But to return food that you have purchased, brought home and  EATEN . . . and then decided you did not like how it tastes . . .  THAT is not reason to return it !!     You bought it, it is yours . . . it is not damaged, it is not spoiled, it is too bad that you don't like how it tastes but you bought it !! If you don't like it give it away or throw it out but do NOT return it to the store.  By doing this you are just adding to the rising cost of food. Melted, half eaten ice cream can not be returned to the shelf for another customer to buy. It is being thrown out and the store now has had to refund you a whopping $6.  This woman has more money than God but actually took back a half gallon of ice cream because she didn't like it !!!!!!!  

When we arrived at cousin Lu's house today you should have seen the look D's and my faces when Lu told us where we were going and why.   Dwayne looked at me with the,  "You have GOT to be kidding" look on his face and I had all I could do from saying exactly that to my cousin. SERIOUSLY ?????  There, sitting on the kitchen table in a brown paper shopping bag was a half gallon of vanilla ice cream.  I don't know how long it had been sitting on the table and I don't know how any one could not like vanilla ice cream but return it we did.  When we pulled up in front of Publix Dwayne actually got out of the car to go into the store with Lucille.  I expected that he would wait in the car because walking with his oxygen is extremely difficult. I looked at him and wondering why he would make this effort to which he answered, " I HAVE GOT TO SEE THIS !"

The girl at the customer service counter did now blink an eye when Lucille handed her the now soggy bag. She glanced in to the bag before placing it in to a large plastic bag and deposited it into a plastic container on the floor.  She calmly handed my cousin her precious six dollars and went on to the next customer.

Apparently this is a common occurrence in this oasis of wacky octogenarians.

Dwayne and I will be laughing over this day for months to come.

MY FAVORITE WEEK OF THE YEAR

I love this week before Christmas.  It is the span of seven days that I have before everything gets really crazy on Christmas Adam and Christmas Eve. (Christmas Adam is the day before Christmas Eve because Adam came before Eve.).
This week is the best because I usually have everything done, cards written and mailed,  gifts purchased and wrapped.
This is the week that I will find some time to bake those wonderful Christmas cookies that I will end up eating all by myself.  There is Christmas music on the radio in my car and on the stereo in my house. (In spite of the fact that it drives The Man crazy.  But since I put up with Hockey, football and country music the entire time I am with him I figure a week or two of Christmas music is the least I can have.) The little tree is up and decorated, the lights are up outside and all is well with my world.

I was driving home from mass this morning at 9 AM and there were very few people on the roads. Early Sunday morning is usually nice and quiet around here so I get to do a lot of thinking as I drive to and from church.  For some reason the world was just a little brighter and a lot happier this morning and I got to thinking about how much I enjoy this final full week before the Christmas explosion. This is the week that the excitement and anticipation of this wonderful season is at its peak. It is also the week that many people are in full panic mode and are driving and acting like lunatics but in my own little world life is just beautiful.
I love the building excitement of wondering if my family will like the gifts I am giving them. I really enjoy shopping for my family and friends because I shop all year long. When I see something that I just KNOW someone will love I have to purchase it and tuck it away till December. I have even gotten very good at "hiding" these items all in one place so that when it's time to wrap and deliver them I actually know where everything is. The joy of giving a gift that you have chosen for a special person in your life is better than any gift I could receive.
I like wrapping gifts . . . Choosing the right paper for each person and decorating the package is great fun.
Yesterday I went down to see my three grand kids in Pompano. I went down early so that their dad could go to his gym and do his work out without having to bring the kids along. Once my son left for the gym I told the kids we were going to Walmart to do some Christmas shopping for their dad. (Mom and dad are divorced and although they are still friends they are both over worked and spread thin juggling three kids between two houses.)  The idea of Christmas shopping for their dad really got the kids excited and moving so we were in the store by 9:45 AM.  It was perfect ! While we were driving to Walmart I had the three kids brain storming what they wanted to get their dad. Five year old Grey had a pen and paper in the back seat so she was our secretary in charge of writing down our list.  I asked them for ideas and the very first thing they wanted to buy their dad was BEER. And we think kids aren't paying attention !  Once we got past that idea they decided they wanted to buy their father SHOES. (I almost drove off the road when they came up with that idea.) You would have to know my fashion conscious son who wouldn't be caught dead in Walmart shoes to really appreciate this. But the kids were adamant about the shoes so that is what we bought. They decided the shoes had to be "fancy" shoes, not sneakers and they had to be black. Did you know you can actually get a fairly nice looking pair of mens shoes for under $25 ? God only knows how comfortable they will be but the kids tested each pair in the store until they found a pair that fit all their criteria. I can not tell you how excited these kids are about this pair of shoes. We had to buy just the right wrapping paper for the shoes along with a tie and some air freshener for my son's car.
We spent an hour and a half running, literally running, around Walmart. We all had such a GREAT time. . . it was the best day ever.  Once we got home they immediately had to wrap their gifts, put them all in a huge gift bag and then decorate the bag. The bag now has no less than fifty labels and stickers decorating it but it is their creation so it looks amazing.
As I was driving home yesterday I couldn't stop smiling at what a fun time we had together. I would love to be a fly on the wall on Christmas morning to see my son opening these gifts. I DO have my doubts that the kids will actually be able to make it to Christmas without telling their dad what they bought him. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if they had him opening the gifts after school some day this week. But it doesn't matter . . .  This is the best week of the year for excitement, love, celebrating and giving.

Have a fantastic week . . . enjoy each day because we will have to wait a whole year until we feel this wonderful again.

RIDING "SHOT GUN" WITH A SNOW BIRD

When my kids were growing up there was always the constant argument over who got to "ride shot gun" , , ,  meaning who would be the lucky kid to get to sit in the FRONT of the car in the passenger seat rather than being squashed in the back seat with their sibling who never managed to stay on their side of the car. The fact that I drove a 9 passenger van with 3 rows of seats did not matter, someone always wanted the front seat. Considering that this is the most frightening seat in the car I can't imagine why anyone wants to sit there. The driver you supposedly is in control of the car. He or she regulates the speed and the direction of the vehicle and with the help of God it is the drivers responsibility to keep all the passengers safe. When you are a passenger in the back seat your view of the road and surrounding traffic isn't as terrifying or clear as that of the people in the front seat. The driver is the one in control but the front seat passenger is the one riding in the DEATH seat. The person riding shot gun is the one who is most likely to get killed should there be an accident and we don't have a single thing to say about it !

Most of my married life I was the passenger most likely to die . . . Husband had an issue with relinquishing the roll of driver. In the early years of our marriage that was fine with me. I liked having a chauffeur.  Once we had kids I had no choice because I was the one reaching over the seat handing out drinks and snacks and organizing the guessing games that helped wile away the hours of driving when we were on vacation. That and the fact that Husband couldn't read a map to save his life. This being pre "map Quest" and GPS travel we were dependent on a huge paper map to get us from point A to point B. And so I sat up front and "handled" everything except physically driving the car. By the end of the day I would have a raging headache because even though I wasn't sitting behind the steering wheel I was watching the road for road signs, gas stations, obstacles in the road and other drivers because Husband had trouble focusing so I was always on high alert. Thankfully we weren't ever in an accident and no one ever got killed.  All that being said I must say that any time we drove into Manhattan there is no one I would rather have had driving than Husband. The man knew how to handle city traffic! He could out maneuver any city bus or taxi and was a master of weaving in and out of grid lock without running over anyone.

Fast forward to the twenty first century and my meeting the Man from Michigan. This man is an excellent driver.  Maybe because he was driving tractors and cars since he was about 8 and then spent years flying a helicopter there is no problem with his focus, sense of direction or knowledge of the mechanics of a car.

UNTIL he comes to Florida. As soon as we cross the Florida state line the man turns into  . . .
                                                     SNOW BIRD. !!!!

I know I have written about this breed of creature that invades our state each winter but the longer I am with The Man the more he is picking up the characteristics of his fellow seasonal visitors.
Perhaps it's because these visitors are coming from the frozen North they are so distracted by the warm sunshine and the green foliage that they can not see fit to drive faster than ten miles an hour.
Or maybe their brains just haven't thawed out yet. What ever the reason it is driving me NUTS and it isn't even January.
It's the same for anyone driving in their home town. You know the roads, you know which lane will end at the next light. You know the intersections that require a higher degree of focus and you know the quickest route to all your favorite spots.  You also know just how much over the speed limit you can push it before you are in danger of getting a ticket.  It's your town and when you are out and about on a mission you DO NOT want some grey haired senior citizen from Quebec drifting back and forth across 3 lanes of traffic at a speed that would make a turtle look like a rocket.

But even worse than having to drive behind one of these visitors finding myself in the passenger seat of a Snow Bird is quickly becoming my worst nightmare. The Man insists on driving when we go out together. The fact that I know the roads, know where we are going and just how long it will take us to get there makes no difference. Instead I sit there next to The Man clutching my seat to keep me from screaming and grabbing the wheel. We leave our community driving at a whopping seven miles an hour. The speed limit in here is 25 . . . we don't even come close to going that fast. The squirrels running on the grass are going faster than us. When we get out on the main roads we travel at 30 miles an hour . . . in the 45 MPH zone.  Heaven forbid we even get close to the speed limit. So we crawl along while all my fellow Floridians whip around us muttering about the "Snow Bird" with the Michigan plates. I want to wave a sign at them saying, "I KNOW how you feel. I"m being held captive!"  As we creep along I now have to give a running commentary about which lane we need to be in and just how far ahead it is before we will be turning. What is it about, "You need to be in the LEFT lane", that you don't understand ???  I will suggest getting over to the left while we are still a half mile away from the turn and even though at that particular moment there is NO one in the left lane the man does not move. It isn't until we are 50 feet from the corner that he decides he needs to get over. Naturally when he makes the decision to change lanes there is now a line of twenty cars on our left so we come to an almost complete stop in our lane until he can squeeze over. All this is done with much muttering about these damn Florida drivers who don't give you an inch. If only he could hear what they are saying about us !  I know EXACTLY what they are saying because I have said it a thousand times!

FREAKING SNOW BIRDS !!!!!!!!

As P.S. here I would just like to tell all the snow birds that no matter how much they don't like how we drive down here it IS our town and you are invading OUR space. We are NOT going to change how we drive for 12 months a year just because you are here. We do drive fast on Rt. 95 and the turnpike because if we are on those roads it's because we have someplace to be so get the HELL out of the fast lanes if you insist on doing the speed limit. If I choose to speed that is my choice and I will deal with the speeding ticket should I get one. You are causing a much more dangerous situation by puttering alone at 65 miles an hour in the far left lane.  You may think you are making a statement by being mr. "Safe" driver but in fact you are an accident waiting to happen.

WHAT THE HELL IS A DROPBOX

So . . .  What the hell is a "Dropbox" and why is mine ALWAYS "almost full ?

For the past year or possibly two EVERY time I turn on my computer a little message appears in the top right corner of my screen stating "Your Dropbox is almost full".   Oh Really ???    . . .   And what the hell am I supposed to do about that ?

First off, I have no idea what a dropbox is nor do I know where it came from.  It is not something I chose to install on my computer yet it magically appeared several years ago and some how or other someone seems to be filling it up when I'm not looking.  I have no idea what the dropbox contains nor do I care unless it is filling up with hundred dollar bills. If that is the case I would like to know how to find it and how can I get everything out of it.

The even bigger question in my mind is how can it be "ALMOST" full for an entire year? If stuff got dropped into it a year ago where did that stuff come from? Did things get dropped in there for a two week period and then stop just as quickly and mysteriously as it started ? Why did it start filling up in the first place?   AND why did it stop filling up at ALMOST full and not just continue accumulating junk until it was FULL?

I can understand that when this phantom box was 3/4's full it would send me the "almost full" message. But then wouldn't you think that if I didn't do anything about it the damn thing would eventually fill up and I would get a message saying,  "Your dropbox is FULL" ?

These are the things that keep me awake at night . . . If only I had a little cyber box that I could dump all these crazy thoughts into . . .

HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE JELLY ????????

In am spending my weekend "babysitting" my daughter's two children although the kids are not babies nor do they do much sitting. The fact of the matter is that Kaelin and Finn are "babysitting" grandma and I LOVE it.

The weekend started at 6AM on Friday when I got up to be at their house by 6:45 so I could get each of the kids to their bus stop for school.  Finn leaves the house at 7:15, KK leaves at 8:15. Once they were on the bus I had the day to myself (all 6 hours) until I met Finn at the bus stop after school at 2:15 and then Kaelin at 4:15. From the bus stop we went directly to the community club house so KK could pick up her Second Place prize in the Bird House decorating contest. (The community buys bunches of small wooden bird houses for kids from the neighborhood to decorate. Prizes are awarded and Kaelin won second place for her age group. Once we had her prize, (a gift certificate for a free kid meal and soda at the Tiki Bar by the pool) we jumped into the car and took off for a dinner at Mac Donalds because we only had 30 minutes before we had to head off to Kaelin's school to see the Drama Club's production of "Elf 2".  (Finn was bribed with the trip to Mac D's for dinner because he no more wanted to go to a play than I did.) The play commenced at 6 PM and we were back home in their house by 8:15. Right up stairs for showers, a story and bed which only took us till 9:30.

By now I am totally exhausted and we haven't even had a full day of fun yet !

Saturday started a little before 7:30 AM with a couple of kids jumping on Grand ma giggling like crazy. It's a shocking but wonderful way to wake up!  Down stairs we started to make our signature chocolate chip pancake breakfast with sprinkles on top. I had thought ahead and brought my box of pancake mix but never gave a thought to the fact that my daughter would not have CHOCOLATE CHIPS ????!!!!

How do you live in a house with 2 kids and NOT have chocolate chips in the pantry ??????
Luckily we discovered a stash of Hershey's dark chocolate candy bars which, when smashed up with a wire whisk make an excellent substitute for chocolate chips. Luckily also was the fact that I had given my grand kids 3 large bags of sprinkles that I had rescued from my man's pantry up in MI.  (My daughter also did not have sprinkles)  Next we ran into a problem with the signature hot chocolate . . . there was none ! I have a box of 200 hot chocolate packets so that EVERY time I have grand kids over we are prepared. (Even when it is 92 degrees out side there MUST be hot chocolate.) Yesterday morning happened to be 59 degrees out side so it was vital we have our traditional hot drink with our pancakes. I forgot to bring some packets, NEVER thinking there could be a home with kids that does not have some form of hot chocolate somewhere in the house. NOT HERE !  So once again we got creative and found some coco powder for baking which when combined with sugar and heated up in milk makes for a good old fashioned drink like my mom used to make for me before the age of "Pre Packaged" foods.  Breakfast was a huge success so with full tummies we could now get some homework done. Finn worked with me on his reading words and KK sat at the table by herself working on the computer finishing up her English and Science work. (Finn is in second grade, Kaelin is in sixth.)

Once that was done we were ready to venture out into the world for a stop at a local park, Chipotle for lunch and then to the movies by 1:45.  Movie done by 4, stop at the grocery store to pick up some steaks for dinner and back to my house so the kids could work on their fairy garden. (We had bought a box full of new things for the garden and now was their opportunity to set it all up.) While they worked on that outside in the chilly chilly air I got dinner going. When they were done with the garden we sat down and had dinner, cleaned everything up and headed back to their house to get ready for bed because by then it was 8:00 PM.                WHERE DID THE DAY GO ??????
I had everyone in bed by 8:3o, all of us totally exhausted. Finn was asleep before I shut his door and Kaelin and I read for about a half hour before we gave up for the night.

This morning I once again had the kamikaze attack launched at me at 7:30 and once again we headed down stairs for pancakes and hot chocolate, since we knew exactly what we were doing. It was another delicious, sticky, messy meal that everyone enjoyed.  The difference with today is that it is Sunday and that means church day.  Kaelin, Finn and their parents attend a different church from me so my daughter had made arrangements with a neighbor to pick up the kids so they could join their friends for church and then go back to their house to play for the afternoon.  Off they went and off I went to my church. I am now back at my daughter's house where I spent the day cleaning up our messes, washing dishes and remaking beds but before all that got underway I thought I'd take a minute to have a little lunch for myself. And here's where it gets interesting . . .

This house is huge and lovely and in an amazing gated community where lots of "higher" income people live. (I could NOT afford to live here. I do not drive a Mercedes, a Tesla, a BMW or a Caddy so I wouldn't fit in.)  It is a NICE community and an excellent place to raise kids. God Bless my son-in-law for doing so well with his business that he can afford to give his family such a lovely home. But the bottom line is that my son-in-law and my daughter did NOT grow up in this type of neighborhood so no matter how well they do in life they are still just "Normal" folks. With this being said I am in total amazement that there is not a single jar of jelly in this house !!!    There are
seven . ..Yes I said SEVEN jars of organic peanut butter in the cabinet. (Even though grand daughter is highly allergic to peanuts.) I think this is pretty weird but I guess everyone else in the family has a love for the gooey stuff. My question now is ... What do they DO with all that peanut butter if there isn't any jelly anywhere in the entire house ??????

 Maybe I really don't want to know.

HEALTH CARE HINDSIGHT

We really need to develop time travel so we can go back in time to FIX all the things we have "F'd"  up over the years.  At the time we are living through the horrors of life we think we are doing our very best but in hindsight life sure looks different and we know we could/should have taken different actions.  This is all brought back in VIVID detail and sadness if you are an idiot like me who keeps journals.  I have always kept journals or written letters to Best Friends back in the day when there were no computers, i phones, facebook or twitter to share every detail of our personal lives with total strangers. 

At the time of their writing my journals are a tremendous comfort and a good outlet for fear, anger, joy and confusion . . .  not so much when I go back and read them now. Especially when it is the journal of the last three months of my husbands life when he was dying from lung cancer. 

It was raining this past weekend and that means I go into hyper cleaning/straightening/organizing mode. I love rainy days and REALLY enjoyed this opportunity to clean out some stuff. I was rearranging a book shelf in my bedroom when I came across several old journals of mine. My first instinct is to sit and start reading because other than Stephen King there is little on the book market that can keep my attention these days, unless it is the crap I have written in times gone by.  It seems I have led a very tortured life, (HA HA HA!!!) so when I read all these diaries that I have written over the years it is a great source of amusement for me.    But not this particular saga.

When husband was first diagnosed with lung cancer back in August of 2012 it was only natural for me to grab a note book and start writing. I continued my "personal" journal during this time but at the suggestion of someone I began taking notes and keeping a diary of our journey through this nightmare. I wrote down every doctor appointment in detail, included medications and tests and just about EVERYTHING involving our attempt to beat this God Awful disease. Most of my notes were pretty clinical and to the point but there at the back of this book of "survival" I found some small sheets of paper torn from a notebook that I must have carried with me in my purse when the Medical diary became to large and cumbersome.  When I found these pages on my book shelf I put them aside to look through at a later date. This morning seemed to be the perfect time to open that "door" to the past since my morning was going down hill at an alarming rate. I took my cup of coffee and the journal pages out into the sunshine on the lanai and settled in to read. I forgot to bring the box of tissues !

As difficult as it is to relive the past it is also a great opportunity to look at our actions and think about what we would do differently in the future. I pray I don't have to be a "care giver" ever again but as long as I am alive I will always love those people in my life and if needed I WILL be there for them. I will be more attentive to the fact that we are all going to die some day and that there are just some times when you have to say. "ENOUGH!" to the doctors and health care workers.

People who go into the field of medicine have blinders on. Many of them don't see the Light at the end of our personal tunnels so they fight, against all common sense, to SAVE us.  I know it is natural to not want to give up on someone who is ill but the reality of it all is that there are just some times when you have to take a step back and say . . . "There is nothing more we can do.  Let the poor soul make peace with their God and lets give them an opportunity to die with dignity". 

Illness comes in many forms but Cancer sucks in that some times you CAN beat it and other times you just haven't got a chance. I think that when someone is diagnosed with STAGE 4 (the worst kind) cancer their families should be told, THIS ISN'T GOOD. I would have given anything to have had a doctor who was totally honest and that when it became obvious the cancer was winning they would have said, "ENOUGH"!  Instead they ALWAYS tell you to eat and hydrate because it is important to keep up your strength . WHY?  I'm freaking dying here and by forcing me to eat and drink you are only prolonging the painful, inevitable outcome.
Then they make you come in for treatments and give you all sorts of medications . . . WHY? 
They tell you to have this test or scan done . . WHY ?

By the time Husband had fought for 2 years to be "cured" he was TIRED !! I was TIRED!  And yet like fools we ran, (Ger rode in a wheel chair that I pushed), to doctor appointments, chemo, in and out of the hospital and "rehab" (which in this case was a TOTAL waste of time and energy) but no one ever said . . . "Go home and live what's left of your life surrounded by your family and forget about pretending that you will eventually return to being the person you were before all this started".

I know there is a God and I do believe in miracles but I also know that dying is part of life and the journey through dying is something we all will experience. I also know that when we are in the middle of something like loosing a loved one to a disease we always feel we NEED to do Something/anything . . .  to keep them alive as long as possible . . . WRONG !!!!!

I hope and pray that my children will not make the mistakes I made with their dad. I do not want to be told what treatment I NEED. I don't want to be told I HAVE to eat and/or drink. I do not want to be told that the doctors KNOW best.  I want to die on my terms, doing what I want when I want.  If I want to refuse treatment that is MY choice and no one else's. That may sound selfish but after all these years don't you think that is the least people could do for you ?  For once . . . LISTEN AND RESPECT !

I think that if and when the day comes that I actually make it to Heaven the first thing I will do is apologize to Husband for trying to make him buy into the false hopes of living with a fatal disease.

DROPPING LIKE FLIES

Another strange phrase . . . "Dropping like flies" implies that flies drop from the sky. My experience with flies is quite the opposite.  The damn things never settle down anywhere when you want to smack them and if they do stop their incessant buzzing around your food or your head they ALWAYS land in a spot where it is totally impossible to get a good shot at them, like the corner of the window sill or in the middle of your plate full of food.    Disgusting little bastards !

But this is not about flies . .  it is about the phrase . . .   Dropping Like Flies is a term used to describe a series of events that happen all at once or in a relatively short span of time, usually involving injury, illness or death. Teachers often use this term to describe their students when it is flu season or when a particularly nasty stomach virus hits the community. Kids will drop like flies when the germs run rampant through the school often dropping the contents of their stomachs right on their desks or floor at which point the teacher and the remainder of the class either drop their stomach contents or just plain pass out from the grossness of it all. (Having been a kindergarten teacher I have witnessed this first hand and it ain't pretty!) When something like this happens it is a perfect time to use the phrase "dropping like flies" and everyone totally understands what you are talking about. At this point they are then be forewarned to avoid your space at all costs for at least the next 7 days.

Going along with this "fly" phrase there is the old "wives tale" that states that things always "Happen in Threes". I know that as soon as I hear of someone dying I am on alert waiting for the phone call or news report informing me of another two deaths.  Things ALWAYS come in threes !  Babies being born . . . major illnesses . . . weddings !    It is an unexplained phenomenon but for what ever reason it DOES happen.  It may take 12 years for all three events to occur but they WILL happen.  Just be patient.

My three events started last night when I talked to Mr. Man and he told me he was feeling lousy, chills and just plain wiped out. The fact that he is foolishly still in upper Michigan in Mid November and the temperatures across the country have been particularly COLD since mid October could very well be playing a major part in this but we won't go there.  I spent a good part of an hour giving him advice on how to feel better and then making sure he knew that it was 84 degrees outside our Florida home so next year remember this when planning his annual migration to South Florida!  (My level of compassion fluctuates in direct proportion to the degree of stupidity and or stubbornness on the part of the "victim") I did speak to the Man this morning and he is feeling much better after my reassurances last night that he was probably not dying and would indeed feel better after a good nights sleep.

That was "Fly" #1

This morning I got up and cleaned up the house and baked brownies because my youngest child and his 3 kids were coming up for the day. (Veterans Day = School closed.) I haven't seen them in a couple of weeks and they haven't come up to my place in quite some time. It's a longish drive with 3 young kids in a car so its easier when I go down there. But today was going to be a fun day at grand ma's with plans to hook up with the cousins who live up here. There was going to be a trip to the ocean with a picnic and the weather was just perfect. UNTIL I got the text saying the kids weren't feeling well and dad wasn't a hundred percent either so they aren't coming.    BUMMER !!!!!

FLY #2 has now hit the fan .

Having a day unexpectedly free I decided to call cousin Lucille to see how she was doing.

FLY #3 . . . she too is not feeling well and she sounded like crap. (She usually does sound this way when she she answers the phone but then revives after she talks for a few minutes.) She went into EXPLICIT detail of her bodily functions over the past 36 hours, which I REALLY did not need to hear. Some how or other just sharing this information with me seemed to make her feel much better.

Unfortunately after that phone call I may be dropping like fly #4

PERCOLATOR

What a funny word . . .  percolator. It's a word I haven't thought of in years and probably if you are under the age of fifty you may not even know what it is.  According to Wikipedia it is a means of brewing coffee which now in the age of coffee "pods" is about as old as milking a cow by hand. But this is exactly how I remember my mom and even myself making coffee. It is a slow process of putting the coffee grinds in a metal basket which stood on a hollow pole that was placed into the metal coffee pot filled with cold water. It usually took at least 15 minutes to get the water boiling enough that it would be pushed up through that metal tube, spray down over the grounds and drip coffee back into the pot. The little glass bulb in the center of the pot cover allowed you to see just how dark the water was getting so that along with the wonderful smell of fresh "perked" coffee you knew when your coffee was ready.

I bring all this up because my brain is like a percolator that decides to start brewing it's own brand of "coffee" at three in the morning. It all begins with the slow slide from sleep into consciousness because my brain is starting to whisper, "Helloooooooooooo, You have to Peeeeeeeeeeeee". This may or may not actually be the case but because my brain is evil it does this to me every night anywhere between two and four A.M. As I drift up from the depths of slumber I know I should NOT open my eyes because once I do that I am going to look to the only source of light in the room which happens to be the digital clock on the night stand. "Oh Crap!  It's three o'clock."  Now it might be any time between two and four but no matter what time it is the "pot" is beginning to perk. O.K. So now I'm sitting up on the side of the bed playing hide and seek with my slippers that I know are there someplace but my toes just can't seem to find them. No way am I going to turn on a light at this hour because there is still the outside chance that I can make it to the bathroom and back and STILL get back to sleep before my percolator brain gets to a full boil. But no, it is too late . . .  As I stagger to the bathroom, (having found my slippers), the "coffee" is already starting to brew. I get thinking that I went to sleep last night without my mouth guard and now my jaw is tight from clenching my teeth in my sleep so I really should dig out my night guard before I return to bed. That means digging around in the bathroom closet/medicine cabinet/linen closet/ garbage dump. There is enough light from the moon coming through the sky light that I don't have to turn on the bathroom light because THAT would surely wake me up. (At this point I am still thinking I will trick my brain into returning to sleep once I get back in the bed. Fool that I am!)  I manage to find the item I'm looking for but have now decided that I REALLY need to clean out this closet some time in the near future. (My brain is taking notes the whole time.) Still thinking I will be able to fall back to sleep I crawl back into the bed only to have my brain go into a full boil . . . I get thinking . . . about God knows what but the percolator is heated and the coffee is brewing and I can not get the burner turned off. The more I tell myself to STOP THINKING the more my brain comes up with to think about.

It is at this point that I decide I should write a blog about my early hour escapades.  With this thought in my brain I am now lying in bed composing a blog in my head. The longer I lay there the more my brain comes up with so it is at this point, about an hour from the time I first woke up, that I realize the battle is lost and the ONLY solution is to get out of bed, put on my robe and go write a freaking blog so my brain will finally stop bubbling over with thoughts and I can maybe salvage a couple of hours of sleep before I have to get up for the day.

Maybe I'll have a cup of coffee when I do get up for the day, all this percolator talk has got me craving a hot cup of fresh perked pod.

M Y O B

What is it about some people that they think they are welcome to voice their opinion on things that are none of their business?  These folks are all around you and always ready and willing to "set you straight" in matters that are of no concern to them, although they think otherwise.  I am talking about THE BUSY BODIES !!

Generally speaking I have found that as the age of a person increases the amount of advice they want to impart to you also grows. Maybe it is that the older people get the smarter they think they are? Or it could be that many of our older generation have developed the attitude of entitlement which makes them think that everyone around them is just hanging on their every word and thought. (Sort of like me when I blog except you have the option of not reading this crap where as the "BB's" are in your face TELLING you what you NEED to do.  Not just suggestions or recommendations but rather orders and instructions.)  Most times when I encounter someone like this I just smile, pretend to listen and then walk away hitting the Delete button in my brain so the entire one sided conversation is permanently erased.  But like mosquitos and jock itch they persist in annoying you until they get what they want from you . . . total submission and admiration to them for imparting their wisdom upon you.

Fortunately I  hang out with people younger than myself so that I get to be the Yoda of the group. Hopefully I keep my "wisdom" to myself unless I am asked and even then I try to be aware that I am NOT a rocket scientist nor do I  know everything.

Unfortunately this is not the case with the senior community in Port St. Lucie, FL.  For those of you who do not know that Florida is known as "God's Waiting Room" because it is overflowing with a general population who's average age is 92 this may not seem to be an issue but believe me when I tell you entering Port St. Lucie is like stepping into a pit of venomous snakes. Snakes who drive no less or at least snakes who own and marginally operate cars. Driving in this town is like being on a roller derby team that is skating full speed while blindfolded. You never know where the next car will come from or where it is going to go so you have to put your instincts and reactions on high alert. But that is a whole other blog.

Right now I'm talking about what happens when you enter the "hallowed " ground of the Senior Citizen Community.  You better be in top form and ready to do battle because this is a place like no other on Earth.  Everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, in these  communities think they are God's gift to the world so you had better pay attention and pay homage to them. Any thing they say should be written on tablets of stone just like Moses did and then those wise words should be shared with the world and followed without question.

In case you haven't figured out yet that I am talking about my oldest cousin and her friends let me enlighten you. (You do not have to write any of this in stone)  Cousin L was in the hospital and rehab for well over a month. She is now home in her house and doing quite well for a lady of 89 years. She is continuing to recover and is looking and feeling like her "old" self.  While she was in the hospital and rehab center I received at least three phone calls or texts a day, (some day's even more). These calls came from Cousin L's  "concerned" neighbors and friends. Two out of three of those calls were to TELL me what I NEEDED to do for my cousin and HOW I should do it. They ranged from instructions on what to tell the doctor and nurses, who to call in the hospital/rehab to get what I needed, and just who and what THEY (the "friends") did not like about the state of affairs that were going on with their "dear friend" L.  Now I realize that friends look out for one another and I certainly hope that if and when the time comes that I am hospitalized my friends will step up and help my kids make some tough decisions because no one knows you better than a long time GOOD friend. My Best Buds know me way better than my kids do and that is as it should be. I prefer my kids look at me as Super Mom who is just perfect, (HA!) where as my BFF's know me for what I am . . .
A Perfect MESS !  But I also know that my friends will offer suggestions and then back off while my kids make the tough decisions like which insane asylum I should be committed to.  My friends have known me for well over 50 years unlike the "good friends" of Cousin L who have known her for all of a year or two. There are 2 women in particular that just need to shut the "F" up and mind their own business. Both of them call me all the time telling me what they think and what I need to do so last week when I was in Port  St. Lucie I had had enough. "Friend" number 2 sent me two texts while I was driving up there, one of them saying I HAD to call her immediately. I did not read these texts until I pulled into Cousin L's driveway so needless to say I ignored them. I had a lovely visit with my cousin and about an hour before I left who should show up at L's door but "friend #2" all fired up that I had not called her. She plopped herself down on L's couch and proceeded to TELL me all the things that she did not like about the aide who is caring for L seven days a week for 4 hours a day. I had just spent the last 3 hours with this aide in which time I  found her to be more than competent and pleasant. The aide, cousin L and I had gone out to lunch where we chatted about all sorts of things so by the time friend #2 showed up I had pretty much decided I liked this aide and I liked how she was working with Cousin L, who can be a tough cookie. Friend #2 has probably spent less than an hour with this care taker yet she had definite opinions about what I should do to get rid of her. I sat there  listening politely and then when she finally shut up I basically told her WE, (L and I) did not care what friend #2 thought because WE liked the aide and WE were going to do what WE wanted so shut the hell up and Mind Your Own Business !     DEAD SILENCE followed by a quick exit by F#2.

I doubt I will get many more texts from her which is fine because life is too short to put up with "friends" like that.

THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY CALENDAR

I like calendars . . . I have one hanging in my kitchen that I made on "Shutterfly" so each month has photos of my grand kids.  I have a calendar on my computer desk that I use all the time even though there is a calendar on my computer, my phone and my iPad.  I faithfully fill in doctor appointments, visits with friends and baby sitting dates that I have with my grand kids. Each month I look at the blank page and think, "OH how nice . . . I have nothing to do this week" and each week things start filling up the empty days until the entire month is full of names and times. I keep my calendars for a year after they are done because inevitably there is at least one occasion where some one asks, "When was it we did . . . ?" and I'm able to look back and come up with the dates and times.

But something is wrong with my calendar this year. According to ALL my calendars this month that we are presently in is supposed to be October but I do not think that is correct. For all my life October has meant the beginning of Autumn when leaves turn colors, (unless you live in Florida). It is also the month that starts to bring in cooler days and chilly nights. (Even if you live in Florida.) Add to that people usually start turning to indoor activities and tend to stay closer to home. (Unless you live in Florida!).  October is not normally a vacation month and up until this year it was not yet the beginning of Snow Bird Season. That joyous event was left to December at the earliest but definitely by January the invasion was in full swing.  Normally in October the temperatures would be dropping to the high seventies and the humidity would have left us so that the days would be much more pleasant and comfortable and the nights would actually begin to cool off a bit. Not so this year! All I can think is that there must be a hole in the universe that is causing all sorts of strange things to happen.

A week ago yesterday I arrived back in West Palm Beach thinking I would never be warm again after spending the month of September in Michigan. Everyone up there was commenting on the fact that is USUALLY  never that cold so soon in September and October but COLD it was and I was looking forward to the warm temperatures down south.  I stepped off the plane at six in the evening wearing jeans and a jacket and almost passed out when the humid 90 degree air hit me. I figured it was just a passing heat wave and it would be gone in a day or two. It is now over a week later and it still feels like someone threw a wet blanket over you when you walk out the door. The heat and humidity hit you like a wall when you step outside and that is just plain WRONG for this time of the year. Add to that the fact that the Snow Birds have flown south already and have invaded our restaurants and stores not to mention the insane drivers that are now clogging our roads. I went out this morning to drive a half mile to our mall and in that short distance I had a person cut across in front of me from the right lane to make a left turn.  NO signal, not even a glance my way, just drove right across my lane. Then there was the person in the left lane who made the left turn on a RED light but I guess thats OK since they were turning from the left lane. I sat there wondering if I was really seeing all this and then I saw the out of state license plates and knew for sure it was beginning . . . And it is ONLY OCTOBER !!!!!!    Or is it ???

QUEEN OF SLEEP

I used to be the "Queen of Sleep".  I could fall asleep any where at any time. But something has changed and the queen has been dethroned.  Now I spend my nights tossing and turning and waking up every hour or so.  What the heck has happened ????  I am way past "The Change of Life" which is a totally stupid name for the disastrous down hill slide into old age. Change of Life suggests to me an improvement of life when in reality it is the beginning of the end. Or at least a beginning of wishing it would all end.  I don't think I know a single woman who can say her life improved after menopause even though we are free of cramps and tampons. Instead we have facial hair, hot flashes, mood swings that would make Mother Theresa swear and an increase of body fat that only adds to our foul mood.

But back to the problem of sleep. When I was a teen my mom would complain of not being able to sleep at night, (which probably was a result of the fact that she was living with me). That and taking care of my grand father who was disabled due to a stroke and living with us probably were huge factors in her sleepless nights.  I would tell her to just close her eyes and roll over and she would fall back to sleep . . . Nothing to it !!  How naive could I be ? Perhaps it is because of that cavalier attitude that God has seen fit to teach me a lesson and leave me to ponder why I can't sleep any more.

It all started last year when I had knee replacement surgery. Up until that point I would lie down in bed at night and be sound asleep two minutes later. Not only could I fall asleep instantly but I could sleep ten to twelve hours a night without any pee breaks or other interruptions to my slumber. After the surgery I was on pain meds for a few days which helped me sleep but it was an interrupted sleep because of the need to shift position during the night. From there it was down hill and I never got back to my old sleep habits. Add to that all the traveling I do and sleeping in different places in different time zones my body doesn't know when to shut down and when to rev up.  I can fall asleep at 2:00 in the afternoon with no problem at all but at 2:00 in the morning I am wandering the house wondering what I can do with myself.  It is ridiculous !

 I am never at a loss for finding something to keep myself busy during the day. (As you can see I always can find something to blog about if there is nothing else to do.) On the days that I am out and about I do have less trouble falling asleep but it is the staying asleep that is the problem.  I wake up an hour after falling asleep and then my brain kicks in and starts thinking about all the things I did not do during the day and all the things that I want to do the next day. The lists are endless ! I have to talk myself down from getting up at midnight to vacuum the house or clean the shed. So I lie there trying to convince myself that I AM tired and I NEED to sleep. That only results in starting an argument with myself about how dumb it is that I can't sleep. From there I get thinking about topics to blog about and I start composing my next entry in my mind. That results in the desire to get up and write immediately before I forget what I was thinking about. Because even though I am awake then I know I will not remember a single thing that is passing through my brain at that moment. To be honest it is probably a very good thing that I won't remember any of the nonsense I think about at 2 AM.  To show just how stupid this is last night I woke up because I was thinking that when I got up in the morning I would research ways to get a better nights sleep. That is what WOKE me . . .

I really don't know what is going on but what ever it is I don't like it. Sleep was always a joy to me and to be honest it was an escape. Maybe that is what has changed, I am now perfectly content with my life so I have no reason to "escape" .

That's something to think about tonight at two in the morning.

NEAR DISASTER IN DETROIT

No, there was not a plane crash or even a flight delay. The near disaster in Detroit was much more traumatic and may leave me with lasting emotional and physical scars for the rest of my life. I wonder if I have a potential law suit here considering the magnitude of the event.

On Wednesday I was making my migratory flight from Escanaba, MI to West Palm Beach. This is a full day trip starting in the tiny one gate airport in Escanaba, A change of planes in Detroit and another change in Atlanta. The last time I made this trip my plane from Detroit was delayed 2 hours which caused me to miss my connection in Atlanta which then got me home to West Palm around midnight. I really thought Wednesdays trip was going to be a piece of cake because there were no rogue storms anywhere near my connecting flights so everything should be on time and running smoothly. And that did seem to be the case as I sat in Atlanta waiting to make the final hop home.  All systems were "GO" as NASA would say. I just wonder if they have a code or key word for my adventure in Detroit.

I arrived in Detroit on time with an hour between flights so I had plenty of time to make it from one gate to another. At Detroit's airport this means a 3/4 mile walk from one terminal to another because you know that the arrival and departure gates are always the last ones at the far ends of the terminals. Thank goodness for the tram that runs the length of the main terminal so it makes it a little easier. When I got off my Escanaba plane I checked the monitors to see what gate my next flight would be leaving from and started my trek down the terminal, onto the sky high escalator that takes you to a long tunnel under the runways and then back up another huge escalator into the main terminal. From there I go up another level to the tram which runs the entire length of the building down to my departure gate. I always like to get right to my gate to make sure that really is where my plane will be  because there have been several occasions that I have gotten to a gate to board a plane and the plane was sent to a different part of the airport to load. In this case I was at the proper departure gate and the plane would be on time. NOW and only now do I get to go pee !  I HATE when I am in such dire need on a plane that I am forced to climb over people in order to get to the lavatory only to find it is occupied. Now I have to "hang out" in the aisle in the way of the stewardess until the toilet is vacated by some one who seems to have eaten at least twenty burritos prior to boarding. To avoid this nightmare I will time my potty stops in the terminals just so in order to make it from one airport to another without enduring the airplane toilet adventure. This being the case I made my way into the conveniently close airport ladies room and chose my stall with great care. Never one that isn't clean, never one that is in view of all the ladies standing on line waiting. (Some times you have to settle for which ever potty is vacant but in this case I had my pick of the place.) When I shut the door I realized I had chosen a stall with a door that was hard to close. It required a slight push from my shoulder to close tightly but it was now too late to change spaces so I just twisted the latch and got down to business.  Once I was all put back together I grabbed the small latch and gave a pull.
NOTHING !  The door was wedged tight ! The latch gave me nothing substantial to grab onto so I tried to yank on the hook on the back of the door but that did nothing either.  No Worries . . .  I'll just grab the top of the door and pull except that the top of the door was about 4 feet above my head and well out of reach for me to grab it.  Who in Heavens name puts a ten foot high door on a bathroom stall ?????????  It's not like there are women who may vault over the door of your stall in order to invade your territory. In fact I don't think I have EVER seen a woman climbing over a toilet door or at least not since junior high school.
So there I was . . . STUCK . . .  in the ladies room ! My only escape plan other than crawling UNDER the door, which I was NOT about to do, was to bend down and grab the bottom of the door and YANK ! My first try was a failure so I grabbed the door again and gave it a mighty pull which resulted in the door pulling free from the frame at such a great velocity that when it hit me in the head I thought I was going to be knocked out. It took me a couple of seconds to realize I was not unconscious or bleeding but my throbbing left ear was still ringing and would remain bright red until well after I got home.

I think I would rather put up with flight delays. At least then I have more time to choose wisely when using the airport restroom.

SMART WATER - STUPID PEOPLE

The other day I went to the store to buy some water . . . If I had made this statement 50 years ago people would have been getting out the straight jacket and have me committed to the local insane asylum.  I don't know when buying water became fashionable or even necessary but somewhere along the way we found ourselves purchasing WATER.

When I was a kid water was the clear, cold, CLEAN stuff that came out of the faucet when you turned the handle. The water had no taste which is what made it so good. We even drank water straight from a hose that was laying out in the yard, no filters or purifiers, just a faint taste of rubber.
When we went on vacation to upstate NY or Vermont we drank water straight from lakes and rivers. Just made a cup with our hands, dipped them in and had a wonderful drink of the most delicious cold water you can imagine. Not once did it occur to us that there might be some rogue bacteria lurking in the water just waiting to kill us. Hell, we didn't even know what bacteria were.

So what happened ??  I understand the population of the world got sloppy and stupid and allowed many of our water systems to get polluted but we also realized what was happening and immediately took measures to correct our mistakes.  Do you remember the ad campaigns against pollution?  There was "Woodsy Owl" telling us to "Give a Hoot, Don't Pollute" and as a kid I was horrified at the thought of anyone dropping any sort of waste on the ground or in the water. I remember my mom picking up trash along the road as we walked to the store. She was a woman way ahead of her time. I can only imagine what she would have to say about buying water.

I will be the first to admit that I do NOT drink tap water these days, no matter where I am traveling. I have totally bought into the idea that tap water is not fit for human consumption. This all came about when I moved to Florida. Up until my move south I always drank the water straight from the faucet when we lived on Long Island. (I had stopped drinking from the hose even though my kids continued to do so and they all turned out pretty normal.) When I first came to Florida I just went on thinking tap water was perfectly fine to drink until someone suggested otherwise. I remember the day I filled a glass with water and took a good look at it . . . Holy Crap . . . the water was YELLOW !! And there were "things" floating in it. Never drank from the faucet again ! I have even gone so far as to purchase a water cooler that holds 3 & 5 gallon bottles of supposedly fresh water. The water jugs are labeled  "spring water" which I can accept because there actually are a lot of springs in northern Florida. I do not think about the creatures that are probably living in the spring water . . . alligators and manatees . . . I just focus on the thought that this water is hopefully a lot fresher and cleaner than what ever is coming out of my kitchen tap.

My BIG burning question of the day regarding all the bottled waters that are out on the market is
WHEN DID WATER BECOME SMART ???????
When I went to the store the other day there on the shelf were bottles and bottles of "Smart Water".
I had to buy some just to see if maybe the water would tell me the meaning of life or perhaps give me some answers to the many burning questions I have. I drank the entire bottle and I am no more enlightened to the plight of humanity than I was before. The water did not taste smart, although I have no idea what "smart" tastes like so maybe I missed something there. It looks like normal water and because I do happen to know what "Stupid" looks like I did not see anything smart about it.

In fact I am beginning to think that instead of Smart Water making people smart it is totally the opposite because how stupid do you have to be to pay $3.00 for a bottle of water ?

A SEASON FOR MEMORIES

What is is about Autumn that brings so many memories flooding into my mind?  I know I have been complaining about how cold I am up here and how I can't wait to return to South Florida to be warm but today it hit me that I MISS Autumn. I miss this cool down of hot summer days, the crisp air and the colors that supposedly come with it. Even the subdued colors of this years foliage are so much more beautiful than the constant green of Florida. Not that I'm ready to move back north but today I realized that I am enjoying this  change of scenery and weather. (You can not quote me on that when I am once again freezing my ass off.)  Yesterday I was SO cold all day that I thought I would NEVER be warm again. It was a gloomy grey day, wind gusting off Lake Michigan at about a hundred miles an hour and cold, cold, cold.  I froze going to church in the morning and I was not able to warm up until last night when I took the hottest shower I could stand while the space heater in the bathroom was cranked up to 200 degrees. Then and only then did I begin to thaw out and finally take off the 14 layers of clothes I had been wearing all day. I swore I would never travel to any place north of Orlando between the months of August and June. I mean I was COLD !

Today we woke up to the world turned white. Not with snow but a layer of frost that covered everything and gave the appearance of a light snow fall. We watched it slowly disappear as the sun got higher in the sky and began to warm the house and yard. By 10:30 AM the sun was shinning so brightly that we ventured out into the yard to burn some sticks and leaves. And that's when I realized just how much I do miss being up north at this time of the year. The small fire burning in the fire pit, the sounds of the crackling sticks and the smell of the burning leaves all brought back a flood of memories from my childhood, wonderful memories of being out front of my house and burning the leaves we had raked up from our tiny front yard. We wouldn't be alone out there, all the neighbors seemed to be drawn outside on that first beautiful crisp day in Autumn and there would be a cluster of small piles of leaves lining our street in front of each house. All the dads and kids were out with their rakes and you would have thought we all had acres of land to tend to rather than the 30 X 70 space that our homes stood on. There were always  plenty of leaves to rake into small mountains for us kids to jump into because we lived "in the country" in Queens. We were farmers compared to those poor people living in Manhattan and the Bronx who didn't have trees outside their apartment buildings. We had a yard, small as it was, and along with owning property there were the responsibilities of caring for that plot of land. It was fun in the spring when I got to plant a tiny garden but Autumn was my all time favorite time of year. That tiny fire with its smoke curling up into the sky was the best part of the season. I can't smell smoke from an outdoor fire without being transported back to the 50's and my childhood. I remember when I got old enough to "tend" the fire while my dad looked on. That was big ! I got to rake the leaves onto the fire and stand sentry making sure no burning leaf escaped to ignite the entire neighborhood. I'm sure the entire process of raking and burning the "tremendous" amount of leaves that fell from our one pear tree took all of a half hour but in my memories it was an all day event that I looked forward to all week. My parents really had me fooled into thinking this was a BIG responsibility that I had to earn, which I guess it was but looking back on it now I now see how glad my dad must have been to hand off the rake to me.

Sitting in the sun on the beach in January is AWESOME, don't get me wrong, but I will always enjoy burning leaves in the fall. Even if I am contributing to the melting of the Polar ice cap.

COLDER THAN . . . .

Let me tell you I AM FREEZING MY BUNNS OFF !!!!!!!!  Who the hell goes to Northern Michigan in October when they have a perfectly good Hot House in Florida ??????  I will never complain about the heat again. 99 degrees will seem like a chilly day in spring after this trip to the UP.  It is COLD !!
Granted it is not Alaska cold but for this southern gal these temperatures are freezing my blood in my veins.

The temperature outside is 37 degrees. That is a heat wave for any native Alaskan but for me it is meat locker cold. I stepped out the door this afternoon and my feet froze to the ground. My nose that has been running since I got here is dripping tiny little ice cubes and my glasses fog over every time I step out of the house. I had been complaining about how hot Dwayne keeps the house but after going out for dinner tonight with D's brother and sister-in-law I walked into the house and went straight to the thermostat and cranked it up to 80. After that I went into the bedroom and put on my heaviest  sweat pants and sweat shirt with some wool socks on my feet and then I poured myself a LARGE glass of Jim Beam Honey and am now sitting here trying to thaw out.

Earlier this afternoon we drove over to Dean's "camp" which isn't far from here. It's a wonderful spot back off the road with acres of woods. Dean has built a wonderful little cabin on the property with a wood stove to keep everyone warm. It has electricity but no water so that means you have to go OUTSIDE to the out house if you need to pee. (I will wear a diaper and cross my legs before I use an outhouse. I'll leave that experience to the young folks.) Every Sunday the guys get together at camp to drink beer and tell stories and get away from the women folk but it is also a gathering place for anyone who knows it's there every afternoon after work. Today we drove over to meet Dean and Lisa before going out for dinner. Before we left home Dwayne used his "auto start" on his car to warm it up before we left the house. When we got to camp we ran into the warm cabin where the wood stove was cranking and all was well in my world. Then Lisa and I decided to take the 4X4, (which is the woodsman's version of a golf cart) to drive back to the pond to feed the fish. (Lisa stocked their pond last summer and the gold fish are supper happy there, growing in size and multiplying like crazy.) THAT was when I realized just how cold it was. The weather Chanel had told us it was 37 degrees but that was only a number to me. I hadn't gotten the full effect of that ungodly number until we were bouncing down the dirt road with the wind whipping and my body freezing. I had my winter coat on with a sweater underneath but I might as well have been wearing Saran Wrap. NO hat, no gloves and apparently no brains. By the time we got back to the cabin I was frozen and it was only going to get worse. I did manage to thaw out before going out to dinner but the temperature was also falling so when we went out to dinner I froze all over again. Driving home after dinner was painfully cold and I no more wanted to get out of the car once it had warmed up than I would want to swim in Lake Michigan.

I am slowly warming up internally and externally but it will be a long time coming before I visit Upper Michigan in October again.

NO LEAVES TO PEEP

The reasoning behind this autumn trip to Michigan was that this would be a lovely time of the year to drive across Canada, down through Vermont and New Hampshire and into Maine to see all the fall colors on the trees. When we left here over three weeks ago the leaves were not doing a darn thing in the way of changing color. They were green . . . dark green, light green and medium green. If you looked real hard you might be able to pick out a tree that was thinking about turning yellow but they were few and far between. In Maine the trees weren't even thinking about turning color. In fact I think they were getting greener each day we were there. A week later on our return trip from Maine to Michigan there were a few trees beginning to get a touch of red, yellow and orange but nothing notable enough to take a photo of them. By the time we got back to D's home the trees in his yard had more color than all the trees we had seen on our journey but even these trees were dull and drab. I asked D if he knew what causes the leaves on the trees to be vibrant some years and drab other years but he didn't have a clue.

Just before I left Florida for my adventure I received in the mail a "Farmers Almanac" from some charity looking for a donation. I tossed the small magazine in my back pack and didn't give it another thought. It remained with me, unread for the duration of our adventure. When we returned home I found the almanac in the bottom of my bag and in a quiet moment, (of which there are MANY), I looked through it to see if I could be enlightened on any topic contained within. Low and behold there was an article all about what makes the leaves turn color ! Go figure !  So here it is . . .  NO ONE KNOWS !   No, that's not true . . . there are very scientific reasons behind Autumn foliage. It actually depends on a lot of factors . . . rain and drought make a difference. Cold and heat make a difference AND the amount of sunlight is the key to brilliant or dull colors. It was a very mild fall up here with lots and lots of rain so the trees turned color late and are very pale due to the lack of sunlight. I was up here 2 years ago and the trees surrounding this property were spectacular ! This year they just look washed out. But even still I am on the lookout for a good photo moment. It had been raining every day since our return so there was no way I was going out to take pictures.  But then the weather turned and the last 3 days here were beautiful. Temperatures in the mid sixties, brilliant sunshine and finally DRY.  The huge mud lake, (it is too big to be called a puddle) in the middle of the field was finally drying up and the deer were no longer sinking hip deep in mud as they crossed the yard. It was so lovely I actually was thinking I could stay here forever enjoying the country. Sadly it was too late for the trees to have bright colors but I thought I might just get a nice photo or two anyway. We were busy Tuesday and Wednesday so my plan was to take out my camera on Thursday and get some pictures of the best of the trees. Instead I got up yesterday feeling like I had been run over by a logging truck. It seems I had picked up a 24 hour bug that put me down for the full 24 hours which I spent sleeping.

 No photos were being taken yesterday but there is ALWAYS another day.

HA !  We woke up this morning to torrential rain which lasted ALL day. I mean it rained like I have only seen in Florida during our epic "Rainy Season" down pours. And even then the Florida rain will only last a half hour at best where as today it rained for the entire day. It finally let up around six o'clock tonight so I walked outside to feed the deer, put out the garbage and pick up the mail at the end of the driveway.    

The leaves were lovely !        

 Too bad they are all lying on the ground.      

RAINING TISSUES

There is something about the air in Michigan that makes my nose run like a fire hydrant on a hot day in NY.  It usually starts in the plane as we are approaching Detroit and by the time I have changed planes and am on my way to the U.P. I am going through tissues faster my mother-in law went through ice cream. I'm seriously considering buying stock in the Kleenex company because their stock has taken a steep incline since I arrived here at Dwaynes.

At first I thought it was all the trees around the house but my nose runs whether I am indoors or out. Then I though that it could be the old house with its crawl space cellar and the musty attic. But even when I am in a grocery store or church my nose continues to flow as fast as the Days River just down the road. The only difference between the river and my nose is that I continue to try to control the flow. I might as well try to dam up the river for all the luck I am having in getting my nose to dry up. On the other hand my skin gets so dry up here that I am slathering on so much body lotion that I am sliding off the naugahyde chairs in the kitchen. My hands are dry, my legs are dry, my face is dry except for the constant flow from my nose. It just doesn't seem right that there can be that much fluid in my body to produce that much nasal liquid , (otherwise known as snot). And you would also think that with this constant drainage from my nose I would have lost at least ten pounds but I guess I'm using about that much body lotion each day so it evens out. Unfortunately I am not the only one in this house that has a proboscis problem. Dwayne too has a constant drippy nose so between the two of us there are tissues EVERYWHERE !

No matter where we go we have at least two boxes . . . yes, I said BOXES . . . of tissues at arms reach at all times. When we traveled in the RV recently we had a total of 6 boxes of tissues in active use and at least two more stored away for emergencies. There were tissues up in the cab of the RV, one box on D's side and one on mine. There was a box in the kitchen area, one in the bathroom and one by each of our beds. We are well prepared. The only problem with all this nose blowing is that at some point we need to dispose of the soggy snot rags. I try, I REALLY try to keep a "garbage" bag within throwing distance of all locations and yet I find tissues everywhere. Some of them are used, some are as fresh as when they came out of the box. I find tissues stuck down the sides of chairs, on tables, on the floor. Forget about when I make the bed in the morning . . . I need a snow shovel to get all the tissues out of the bed. It's a wonder I still put sheets on the bed because we have a  lovely little nest of tissues to sleep in.  I find tissues in every pocket of every piece of clothing we own and sometimes I will even find a tissue in my shoe. But the all time worst place to find a tissue is in the dryer. I always try to remember to check the pockets of clothes going into the washing machine but some how those little buggers, (or boogers if you please), manage to find their way into the laundry. Most times you don't know they are in the wash until everything has gone into the dryer so that at the end of the cycle you are met with a blizzard of tissue shreds when you open the dryer door. Why is it that some tissues will disintegrate into a thousand little pieces ALL over every item of clothing, (usually the dark load), and other tissues come out looking like they just came out of the box except they are usually thinner? What ever form they are in upon exiting the dryer they are all clinging to every item of wash causing so much static electricity as you peel them off that you could light up a Christmas tree.

It's a loosing battle . . . runny noses, tissues all over the place . . .  

SAY WHAT ?????

When ever I travel I take notice of the different accents and words that people use. My dad had an uncanny ability to adopt the accent from where ever he was so maybe that is why I am so aware of speech patterns of the people around me.

It's actually pretty entertaining listening to people speak. Not necessarily WHAT they are saying but rather HOW they talk. We have all been entertained by the folks from Boston when they "Pak the Ka in Havad Yad" not to leave out my native New Yokers  who always want you to "Fo get a boud it". Raising my family on Lon Ga -  Eye Land we end every word with an "ER" as in "I have an IDEAR for new blog.  And our neighbors in New Joisy are even "hoi duh" to "un er stan" than da New Yokers who live nex dough across da Hudson riva.

I have found that Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont are usually tight lipped folks who generally
just say "A YA" to anything that is asked of them. California has its "Totally Dude" attitude and south of the Mason Dixon line y'all know how funny those southern belles speak. I'm not sure how people speak in the middle of our country because as soon as they hear my NY accent they stop talking to me.

Up here in Northern Michigan most sentences are ended with an "EH?".  It think that is the Canadian influence because all across Western Canada that's how the residents speak. It's like everything that is said is a question. Such as, "It sha is a nice day . . . EH?".

I enjoy listening to all these different ways of speaking but just as entertaining I love searching for odd and unusual street names. Now this is not as easy as it sounds because when riding with Mr Speed it is tough to see anything that is flying past my window never mind trying to read a street sign. This REALLY becomes a problem when we are searching for a particular street and someone has not slowed down enough for me to see anything. That combined with may increasing difficulty to see anything that isn't right in front of my nose, even with my glasses on, it's a wonder the man won't let me drive.

BUT . . . every so often I do catch the name of a road flying past and the names of some of these roads are quite comical. I often wonder just WHO names roads. In the case of my BFF Glo and her summer cottage she and her family got to name the road up to their home and  I happen to know it was no easy thing to do. But they did decide on a name which fits the property perfectly . . . Cocktail Cove.  With this in mind I can not imagine the stories behind some of the road names I have noted in my trips and travels. The first bunch all came from Alaska where folks have nothing to do but think up silly names while bundled up indoors for 8 months of the year.
1. WRONG WAY LANE
2. LOOSE MOOSE LANE
3. RUNAMUCK ROAD
4. BULLWINKLE DRIVE
5. ROLING STONE WAY
6. GUMBO GULCH

Then coming to you from Canada :   SELDOM SEEN LANE,      MOOZ MILKIN ROAD,
MOSQUITO LANE,  TURKEY LANE and PUMPKIN POINT.

Not to be outdone by our Northern neighbors Minnesota contains LEACH LAKE and
SUCKER BAY. That sort of worries me about that state of Minnesota but I don't plan on spending too much time there anyway.


I

AN APPLE A DAY . . .

As a kid I remember my mom telling me that "an apple a day keeps the doctor away". Usually she would say this to me when I was asking for a snack or some of the wonderful baked goodies she always made. The thought of eating an apple in stead of a chocolate chip cookie NEVER,  EVER appealed to me no matter what she said. I didn't care if I went to the doctor 12 times a week if I could have one of those yummy cookies instead of a yucky old apple.
As it turns out my mom was pretty smart because I have seen different articles saying apples actually do contain different nutrients or what ever that help keep you healthy.
Apparently these articles are not referring to Michigan apples . . .

Here at Dwaynes "farm" there are apple trees galore. He and his wife planted them years ago and they have now grown as old and twisted as the inhabitants of this lovely place. There must be at least fifteen to twenty trees scattered across the yard and lining the edge of the property along the woods. Each tree is different from the next bursting with all sorts of wonderful apples. Some turned red early in September while others are just ripening now. There are dark red apples, green apples and others that are almost pink. Some of the trees are so heavy with fruit that they are almost bent to the ground. The deer LOVE this wealth of juicy treats and often will stand up on their hind legs in order to reach the higher branches that hold better snacks than those lying on the ground under the trees. There are so many apples that I have no problem finding enough to bake in a pie or a cake. If I were really ambitious I would make applesauce that I"m sure would be fantastic considering all the different types and flavors. But after today I think I will take a pass on any more apple related goodies because I have become living proof that an apple a day will land you in the bathroom for most of the evening. That brings to mind another old saying that my mom would say when ever I had "tummy troubles". As I would be racing to the toilet she would tell me I had, "The green apple two step". I never understood exactly what this meant until tonight.

A couple of days ago I picked about ten apples from a tree close to the house. Dwayne said that the apples on this particular tree were excellent and would taste great in the apple bread I planned to bake. And he was right. The apples were HUGE and crisp and perfect in the recipe. I only used two of these monsters for the cake and left the remainder sitting on the counter just waiting their turn to become part of some other tasty creation.

As we were sitting at the kitchen table around noon today I decided I would be "healthy" and slice up an apple for a snack. As I brought the plate of wedges to the table Mr, Man noted there were small containers of caramel sitting in the pantry cabinet. Never one to pass on an opportunity for something sweet I got us each a little cup of the sticky brown coating for our "healthy" treat. IT WAS WONDERFUL !!  I've always been a sucker for Carmel apples on a stick that my mom would often made at this time of the year. So there we sat munching on the tart apple dipped in gooey sauce just loving life. Little did I know I should have had an Oreo cookie instead. It seems that my tummy did not care for these apples that I was devouring and around 7:30 tonight the apples hit rock bottom and sent me into about an hours worth of bathroom runs. (Pun intended) Tasty as those suckers were I guess they are better suited for adding flavor and texture to cake rather than eating "raw".

I don't know how the deer manage this issue. I guess when you have all the fields and woods to use as your toilet in it isn't an issue but let me tell you "an apple a day" sure is NOT going to be part of my diet any time soon.

T.V. TIME

I like watching television !  I hate commercials so I do not watch regular TV any more because I am so frustrated with twenty minutes of advertising hemorrhoid cream and ten minutes of the show.  Half the time the network shows are not interesting to me so I am a Netflix, Prime and HBO binge watcher.
When I am at home in Florida I can get hooked on some series and spend an entire day and night watching episode after episode.

Then there is Michigan T.V.  . . . I do not think the entire state is as bad off as I am here in the Upper Peninsula, in fact probably 99 % of the UP is probably not as bad off as it is here at Mr. Man's house. Once again I would like to complain about the sad state of technology available in the far reaches of this particular location.  And when I say, "this particular location" I am talking about Dwayne's house. I DO think there probably are A LOT better "packages" than the one purchased by D because I can not believe that the entire population of this part of the country watches nothing but hunting and fishing channels with an occasional football or hockey game thrown in. We DO get the weather channel but I really don't want to know that it is 42 degrees outside and it will probably snow some time next week. I am a captive audience to MAN TV.  (I wonder if the satellite company advertises the stations up here as MAN TV?)  I bet it is a huge seller especially in the winter months when it is too freaking cold to be outside doing all the manly things that are being shown on the telly.

 Right now it is hunting season. 2 weeks ago it was "YOUTH HUNT" for kids under 18. The state actually sells hunting licenses to KIDS without knowing if they have ever shot a gun in their entire life. I don't know if there is a minimum age on this but I can picture a 5 year old hiding in the bushes WITH A GUN !  This past week started "BOW" season. That is the time when all the idiots who think they are Robin Hood hide in the bushes waiting for the unsuspecting deer to wander into range. Once again, the state sells a license to ANYONE who has the money to buy one. The result of all this hunting testosterone being leaked into the atmosphere is that the TV moguls have provided at least twelve thousand "hunting" channels on the TV. There are shows where you sit and watch some fool sitting in a tree WAITING.  THAT IS THE SHOW !  A guy sitting in a tree WHISPERING to the watching audience a blow by blow commentary on how he is waiting for the deer to appear. MAYBE if you are really lucky you actually get to see a deer wander past the camera but that doesn't happen all that often. And if you do see a deer wander past it is usually giving the Tv audience the finger as it strolls past because the idiot in the tree is so busy whispering that he has forgotten to load his gun.

THIS FOLKS IS QUALITY TELEVISION !!!!

I AM GOING NUTS !!!

I'm reduced to writing blogs about the sad state of good TV.   Occasionally I manage to confiscate the TV remote but am at a total loss to find ANYTHING worth watching. In addition to the hunting and fishing shows I can find there are  movies made before 1940, several religious zealots preaching to anyone desperate enough to listen and several channels offering to sell you "the item of the hour" for a reduced price if you call RIGHT NOW!  I am so desperate I would watch Oprah but I can't even find her.

I know Netflix is still in existence because I get e mail from them taunting me with new shows that are now playing. They usually start with, "Catherine . . . here's something we know you will like!"
Right now I would watch Hemorrhoid commercials as long as they weren't playing during a hockey game or on the "Outdoor" channel.

FREEZING COLD

Would someone, ANYONE, PLEASE explain to me what the H E L L I am doing in Michigan freezing my you know what off in the month of October ??????

Most people leave Florida in the middle of the summer in order to escape the heat. I left for Alaska in May . . . before it got to hot in Florida . . . and froze my butt for the first 2 weeks away. Then I returned to Florida in the MIDDLE OF JULY !  Now I make a trip to Michigan just when it is starting to cool off down south to come spend 5 weeks in what seems like Antartica !   I must be some kind of STUPID !!!!!

It actually wasn't that cold when I got up here in September and it was a lovely change from the last of the Florida heat. The cool 60 degree days were delightful and the nights were cool and crisp. Then a week later we left to drive across Eastern Canada heading for Vermont and Maine. It was chilly at night but the RV has good heat and by the time we reached the coast of Maine the weather was PERFECT !!!  Three days on Frye Island in Lake Sebago were wonderfully warm and sunny. Gloria and I actually went "swimming" in the lake all 3 days we were there. She kept telling me, "It's not that cold", as I stood on the beach with barely a toe in the 70 degree water. (I swear there were ice bergs floating just off the beach and I do believe I saw a polar bear on one of them. Or maybe it was just a fat lady on a raft . . . My brain had gone into hibernation by then.) But I DID get fully submerged in the water and it actually did feel pretty good for the 3 seconds I was in. What felt even better after my plunge into the Arctic Ocean was the big towel wrapped tightly around me as I sat in the sun with a large glass of Jack Daniels and Coke. The thing that amazes me is that I was stupid enough to do this 2 more times while staying on the island. Fortunately the sun was out and the temperatures were in the 70's. Unfortunately we had to leave the beach and the sun shine in the late afternoon to return to the house which has no heat and was feeling a lot colder than the water in the lake. Thank goodness for alcohol!
Luckily Dwayne, being a native of the great frozen North, had come prepared with his little space heater that we turned on each night to stay warm. The man goes no where without this tiny heater because he knows that the weather can change at a moments notice and he HATES being cold.  Why he remains in Michigan until December is beyond me when he knows he has a warm place in the sun just waiting for him.

But here we are in moist Michigan freezing our buns off, dodging rain drops and anticipating SNOW for next weekend. I have jeans and sweat pants on when ever we leave the house and shorts and tank tops for when we are home. (Did I mention Dwayne does not like being cold?) When we are in the house the heat gets turned up so high we could bake muffins just by leaving them on the kitchen counter. At night I have to sneak out to the dining room with my flash light and turn the thermostat down to 90.  My internal thermometer doesn't know what the hell is going on. I change clothes at least three times a day just trying to keep from freezing or melting. I now know what Frosty the Snowman felt like.  It is getting so cold here that even the deer in the yard are wearing sweaters and hats.

But just give me 10 more days when I return to the sunshine state and I can start writing about how hot I am and how I am wishing I was back in Michigan.

THERE MUST BE A REASON

I know that God is all knowing and has a plan for us but I sure would like to know what HE was thinking when he put me on this earth and let me have a brain. My assumption is that if you have a brain you are supposed to use it. Apparently that is not the case with a good portion of the human race . . . thus the need for warning labels on coffee cups and rail road tracks. My issue today is that I seem to give the impression to those folks around me that I can not and do not think for myself and can not and am not capable of thinking logically and intelligently. As my friend Jeanne once said, "Do I have the words 'Ass Hole' written across my forehead"?

I know I do not have my doctorate in rocket science or any other field for that matter, only a measly Batchelor of Science degree in education. No Masters degree, no Rhodes scholar, no degree from Harvard or Yale. The only thing I think I have is a little common sense and a pretty good ability at problem solving. Thanks to my dad I can figure out which end of a screw driver turns the screw and I can even figure out most remote controls with a minimum of effort. So when someone in the other room is yelling directions at me as I attempt to reconnect the TV cable that is laying on the floor of a closet I DO get a little pissed. If you are so freaking sure of what is going on get off your ass and DO IT YOURSELF !!

There must be a reason God has given me 2, TWO, men to torment me. Do I need to learn humility? Do I need to learn patience? Do I need to learn to control the urge to throw a shoe at the bane of my existence? Probably ALL of the above but I would also request that if this is the case God really needs to give me more alcohol and/or drugs.

It stands to reason that we human beings are meant to live side by side without killing each other because why else would God have created humans with the ability and desire to propagate. I truly believe we are supposed to be kind to each other and not throw shoes at our partners. So then WHY did God make male and female soooooooooooooo DIFFERENT ?  What is the reason behind the male ego? Why do men ALWAYS have to feel they are the alpha being and we silly little females are only put here to cater to their "needs"? A man who is totally capable of cooking his own meals suddenly becomes brain dead and un able to even find the kitchen as soon as a woman is present! But when it is something electronic all of a sudden they become all manly and knowledgable even if they can't figure out how to use the remote. And don't even get me started about the "flip" phone that the man still has.

Please God,  please just give me the reason you are testing me so much after all these years. I REALLY am smart and should be able to figure out what message you are trying to send but up till right now I am at a total loss and am just ready to throw in the towel and become the brain dead dip shit that I apparently am viewed as.