"ITS NOT EASY GETTING OLD"

A direct quote from my dearly departed mother in law . . .  "It's not easy getting old". . . To which we would always answer, "it's better than the alternative".   Guess what?  That is not always the case!  That smug, smart-ass remark is not true at all. Dear GOD in Heaven, I don't want to end up like these poor souls here in Chatsworth.
Chatsworth, that's where Ger is residing these days. Three meals a day, a clean bed to sleep in, physical therapy twice a day, all your medicines brought to you so you don't miss a pill, what more could you want?
FREEDOM! The ability to walk, the power to go where you want when you want, the dignity of going to the bathroom ALONE, of showering when you want ALONE, and the removal of pain so you can walk and talk without a care.
All that comes with getting OLD.
These poor souls residing here in the beautiful facility have got to wonder how this happened to them. One minute they were young and vibrant, full of life and suddenly they can't get out of the wheel chair they find themselves in. Why won't their hands stop shaking? Why can't they remember where they are or even who they are? Why is it that when they tell someone they have to go to the bathroom no one comes to their aid? Why do they need help to go to the bathroom? How did they get here? AND WHERE THE HELL IS "HERE" ?
I am up and down these halls all day, getting things for Ger, taking him to and from whatever and there are always little old people sitting in their wheel chairs in the hall ways. They light up when I stop to talk with them. All they want is to be SEEN ! For someone to acknowledge that they do indeed still exist. It must be so horrible to be "alive" but "invisible" to the world. Every day exactly the same as the day before. Friends are all dead, family lives too far away and even if they did live close the aren't with you all the time. They can't be, they are YOUNG and have lives. They will never be old, of course not. Who of us ever thought we would be old, sitting alone, wondering where our life went? How does this happen? I just keep asking myself that question over and over and there is no answer. One minute we were young and the next we are old. OLD, OLD OLD !
Not just the sort of grey hair and wrinkles old, this is the old that precedes death and dying. For sure that is not something we like to think about. Suddenly YOU are THAT person everyone is talking about . . .  You know, that guy whose name is said in hushed tones because HE may be dying. "The poor guy has lung cancer", "She fell and that was the beginning of the end for her", "But he is so young" or "well, he had a good long life". We've all said something like that about that other person but never thought someone would be saying it about us. We all think we are just going to go to sleep some night and not wake up but it doesn't work that way. Getting old and dying is HARD work ! Hell, just the getting old part is tough shit. My Body doesn't do what I want it to do when I want it. It has a mind of its own and that mind is insane!
Grandma Rita was right, "It's not easy getting old."

GIFTS OF ANGELS - GIFTS OF LOVE

I am reduced to a puddeling mass of tears by the words, "I LOVE YOU".  Best Christmas gift ever was just given to me by my first born child. Kyle doesn't go for the warm fuzzies in life. He has an analytical mind and is not comfortable with emotions. But today he was talking to me on the phone and just ever so quietly slipped in, "I love you" as we ended the call. I am now one hot mess knowing that  my boy really doe love me. Not that  I ever think he doesn't love me but we don't throw those words around as easily as I do Keri and Kent. I always felt I did something wrong as a mother raising my first child.  I loved him with all my heart but don't think I showed it as easily as I did with the other two kids. What ever . . . . When Kyle says I love you it is something VERY VERY special !

That is just one of the many Christmas gifts God is giving me this year. It's a different Christmas for sure being alone here in the house, spending days running back and forth to the rehab facility trying to help Ger strengthen. I am slowly learning to accept what IS and stop trying to make things "normal". Right now things are NOT normal. And that is OK. God has my back and is filling my life with so much love and strength from friends and family.

Yesterday my nephew Brian called to say he was in town with his 3 AWESOME children, could they come over?  YES YES YES and the next thing my home was filled with laughter and joy, silliness and fun.  BEST GIFT EVER !!!!   I adore these kids who always make me feel so loved, even when they cheat at the board game we were playing. (That just adds to all the fun!) Thank you my loves for spending the evening with me!

Then there is Mary Lou who just entered my life a week or so back. We had a chair we wanted to get rid of. D-I-L Bridget took pictures, posted it on "Craig's list" and got the ball rolling. Mary Lou called and suddenly I found myself part of this wonderful woman's life and family. She brought her 2 beautiful daughters, dinner for me and a ton of delicious cookies with her to pick up the chair yesterday. Brian helped them load the chair in the car and his kids ate all the cookies !  So many laughs, so much love and Mary Lou will probably be part of my life for years to come.

God does work in mysterious ways.  I see his hand in my life every minute of every day and I THANK GOD for all His love and support.  I asked God to help me through this rough time and boy OH boy has HE come through with HIS love BIG TIME !!!!

A CHRISTMAS BLOG

Sorry folks but I just don't have it in me to write Christmas cards this year. Instead I will bore you with all the family up dates on my blog so you can choose to read this or not.
 I know when those "Christmas Letters" arrive there is a sense of obligation to read them.  After all, the person sending them took the time to gather thoughts and pictures, compile it into a lovely printed page, took time to fold the letters and place them in a Christmas card, addressed the envelopes and paid the USPS to deliver them to your home. I, on the other hand am sitting in the car dealer waiting for my car to be serviced so you are under no obligation I to read this.

2014. . .  Can't believe we are 14 years into this century and still all here to talk about it. I often reflect on the hype at the turn of the century and yet we are all chugging along just as we have in years past. And chugging we are !  Gerry is the poster boy for that. Last January his lung cancer was in remission and we thought he had beat this nasty disease. Then he had a PET scan during the summer that showed the lung cancer was back big time. This put him at a stage 4 cancer level which really knocked the wind out of our sails. We took it in stride but I think both of us were more shaken up by this than we realized at the time. Ger went into the hospital for 5 days for a lung biopsy (he had some complications with the recovery) and is now back on a different chemo regime which includes infusion every 3 weeks and a daily cancer pill. His system tolerates the chemo extremely well and he is responding very well. His side issues of bladder problems seem to have all evened out so he is usually feeling pretty good.  Lots of fatigue and occasional balance problems keep him staying close to home. He is in good spirits and we are always laughing at something he does or fails to do.
I'm taking good care of the old boy and myself. Occasional adventures with friends and weekly sessions with a fantastic therapist keep me going. Grand kids are at the top of my list for staying young at heart and happy.
Kent and family are in Pompano, only about a half hour south of us. The twins are now 9 months old and are hysterical. They are moving around and Grey seems determined to walk while her brother, Wynn seems quite content to just sit and watch her.  What a joy to see these two little ones growing up before our eyes. Big brother Smith is fantastic with them and a huge help for mom and dad. Kent and Kristen are so sleep deprived it's a wonder they can function but both of them are doing a wonderful job of parenting. Two months ago Kristen was out in Texas for a weekend for her sisters wedding. Grey got to go to Aunt Bries wedding but the boys stayed home. A few weeks ago Kent was in San Francisco D.J ing at a club who invited him out to play. A great boost to his ego and a nice break from teaching and parenting. The twins are in day care, Kristen drops them off each morning. Smith is attending pre K at Kent's school so the two of them travel together and bring the twins home with them at the end of the school day. It's hectic and crazy, I don't know how they do it.
Keri and family are doing wonderfully up in Maryland.  Steve's business is exploding! He is an amazing business man, husband and dad. The family is enjoying Keri being a stay at home mom. She is always on the go with helping in Finn's pre school, being class mom for Kaelin's first grade and taking on Kaelin's Daisy Girl Scout troop. There are endless stories of their adventures which they share daily thanks to face time!  There is nothing better than picking up the phone to hears the squeals of delight from Kaelin and Finn. God bless technology !
Kyle and his family are enjoying life in Atlanta. They really seem to be enjoying their big new house which Ger and I finally got to see in May. It was the only trip Ger and I have taken in a long while but well worth the drive. The house is amazing with lots of room for Abby and all her Build a Bears and American girl dolls, Roman and all his video games and the two Guinea pigs.  The kids are doing well in school, both playing basket ball and Abby still involved in Girl Scouts. Bridget is still enjoying working part time and Kyle's travel is limited to the U.S. Both of them are very happy with
their jobs and life back in Atlanta.

And that's it for 2014. We trust God will continue to bless us with the joy of family and friends. The rest is just part of life and we'll take it day by day. Best wishes to all. Health, Happiness and Peace for the holidays and the New Year.
Love, Cath & Ger      

P.S.  As of today, December 19, Ger is in a rehab facility hoping to get stronger before he comes home. This past Sunday I had to call the paramedics to take G to the hospital ER because of extreme weakness and some confusion. They pumped him with bags of fluids but also found that he had an infection some where in his body. He was admitted to the hospital for 5 days of intravenous antibiotics. (At one point he was receiving 5 different antibiotics.) Yesterday he was released to a rehab facility where he will be for a "few" days until he can manage to walk on his own. The place is beautiful so we are "pretending" we are on a cruise ship enjoying 2 meals a day together while he works on regaining his strength. The facility is 10 minutes from home so I can run back and forth with ease.

Bridget, Abby, Kyle & Roman

Wynn, Grandpa & Grey

Kent, Kristen, Grey, Wynn & Smith

Grey & Kristen

Halloween Super Hero twins

My Man Smith

Diva Grey

My little man Finn

Princess Kaelin on her 6th birthday

Silly Sister Kaelin dresses up her brother Finn

Smith on his 4th birthday

Keri & Steve on their 10th anniversary

Roman & "Lady Gaga"

Abby

Kaelin, Keri & Finn

NEW GAME SHOW IDEA

Here I am at 4:30 in the morning coughing my brains out so I can't sleep so I gave up to wander the house.  This is the time of the night when my creative juices are running rampant but I can't DO anything because Husband is sleeping. I decided I'd get up and wrap some Christmas gifts that have to be delivered to the church tonight and that was when the epithany slapped me up side my head!

A GAME SHOW FOR MEN TITLED . . .     "WRAP IT !"    . . .
A man would be selected from the audience to come up on stage. There he would stand behind a table on which were placed a scissor, an empty tape dispenser, a roll of tape still in its packaging and a roll of wrapping paper. He man would start out with the $100 gift. Given an allotted amount of time he would be required to load the tape dispenser, cut the paper to the correct size and then wrap an item. Being the lowest prize amount the item to be wrapped would be fairly simple, such as a shoe box, a box of cereal or some other item with four straight sides. The challenge at this level is of course the TAPE DISPENSER. I have yet to meet a man who could place a new roll of tape into the dispenser without the assistance of a woman. (I know you're out there guys, I just haven't seen it yet. I'm just going by the man I live with so I'm just saying.)
If the contestant completes the challenge in the given amount of time the challenge gets harder. The next item might be a book. It is still fairly easy but there are those 3 sides that aren't really flat. BIG PROBLEM!  Once the book has been conquered the items to be wrapped get increasingly more difficult. Like footballs, roller skates, ping pong paddle, a mug and the most dreaded item of all, a big stuffed teddy bear!
If we really wanted to make it insanely difficult we could switch out the regular wrapping paper with
Foil paper, or cellophane or even the dreaded tissue paper.
I would pay to watch this !
Having it going on in real life at my dining room table is quite another story. God love H but he has got to be THE WORLDS WORST GIFT WRAPPER. He tries so hard but there are more scraps of paper left over after he wraps something because he keeps "trimming" the paper. So much so that he "trims" his paper so much he has to then cut a new piece because the "trimmed" one no longer fits. H wrapped two (2) things for me today in the time it took me to make dinner, put in a load of wash and empty the dishwasher. One was a remote controlled car IN A BOX, the other was a book. He was totally exhausted by this but so very happy he was "helping". And a help he was! He would not have won any prizes on that game show but he did save me the two minutes that it would have taken me to wrap those gifts and he felt good.
On the serious side, there isn't too much H can help with these days. Not that he was ever a winner in that department but he would try. Now a days H is pretty much limited to bringing in the mail. Around here that is HUGE because by the time the mail arrives I am usually up to my elbows in something and looking a mess. Rather than frightening the neighbors by me going out H takes his daily meander down the driveway with an occasional chat with a passing neighbor. He does MUCH better with all that than with gift wrapping.

MY DOIN' DAYS ARE DONE !

Doing takes effort and I am pretty low on that these days. Doing used to be good but then I got old and I don't want to do anything, or anyone for that matter. (Well, if Hugh Jackman were available . . .)
Nah, probably not even then. Ironically it is all this "doing" that has got me so worn out.
There's DOING LAUNDRY, DOING THE SHOPPING, DOING THE HOUSE CLEANING, DOING THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS, ETC !  You get the picture.
That simple little phrase "to do" is so loaded with levels and levels of action that are exhausting. Let's take , "I'm going to DO the laundry".  Simple, right?  NOT !  We begin with the gathering of the laundry, which, technically should be a mans job since men were created to be the hunters and when it comes to "gathering " laundry it is in fact a HUNT. Because even though there is the very efficient, dual laundry container ON WHEELS sitting in the closet the laundry never is in it. So simple, thought I, when I bought this container. Two sections, one for whites, one for colors. But then I bought H some underwear in colors. Problem! Will they go in the hot water/white section or in the warm water/color section?  Rather than attempt to process this H chooses to just leave his underwear AROUND. So now we enter the HUNT phase. Most can be found near the laundry container but there could also be some socks under the bed, or in the bathroom or on rare occasions on the floor of the den next to Husbands recliner. Once the hunt for underwear is over the hunt for anything else begins. Towels could be anywhere, pool towels especially have a wanderlust and are often found in the oddest places. Kitchen towels are more home bodies and tend to hang out some where on the counter tops or at least close to them. Husbands handkerchiefs have a life of their own and have been know to travel great distances, turning up in the pool or even a shoe. Gathering laundry can be exhausting and we have several more steps to go.
The actual washing of the clothes is a piece of cake. Stuff it in the washer, add detergent, turn the water on, close the lid and pray the washer will last for at least one more load. As it spins its final rinse and walks across the floor of the laundry room because the load was off balance I now discover there is still "old" laundry in the dryer. That has to come out so the new wet stuff can go in but don't forget to clean the filter on the dryer because the last load had a fleece blanket in it and I now have enough lint to stuff a queen size mattress. Old stuff out, new stuff in and now it's time to sort, fold, iron. I HATE THIS PART ! Sorting laundry is one of the most boring jobs in the world. Pull it out, shake it out, fold it, put it away! UGH !  I never get away with it being that simple. As I walk into the closet to put something in there I see that there are shirts hanging off the shelf, thrown there to be put away another time? I pull them down and realize they need ironing so now I have to drag out the ironing board and iron to stand there pressing the shirts which once I am just about done I realize they have a stain on them and were not needing to be hung up but rather were in need of washing !
This is the point when I put my bathing suit on and go out to sit by the pool and day dream about doing . . .  NOTHING !