STOP THE WORLD . . . HOCKEY IS BACK !!!!

 O.M.G.   The Man is obsessed with hockey.  This is not news to me but this year it is a little more insane than years past because last years season was cut short due to Covid. It was like tearing duct tape off of a hairy gorilla. 

In the past The Man has had an entire season of hockey to watch and moan over as his beloved Detroit Red Wings slowly but surely drop further and further down in the standings. There would be moments of hopeful anticipation only to be crushed as they fell to last place year after year.  But last year the hockey season was just getting ramped up when all games were cancelled and all hopes and dreams of a Stanley Cup win were brutally and abruptly ended. I think it was worse than if I dropped dead.

A few weeks ago an announcement was made that hockey was going to return in January.  The Man couldn't have been more excited if we won the five hundred million dollar Florida lottery.  He immediately went into hyper drive planning on how we were going to handle the TV channels in order to get ALL the games.  In years past we have had to call our cable company and order a special subscription for Center Ice. Every year it is a hassle trying to get this simple thing done because apparently NO ONE at Comcast Cable Company watches hockey so therefore they have no idea what we are talking about.  The first year we called them it took us four phone calls to get it right. Never mind that it costs The Man a small fortune to subscribe for a season. We could probably fly to Detroit and have season box seats for what we pay the cable company.

Ah, but this year The Man had a plan.  Over the summer I cancelled all my extra cable channels and am just paying for internet because my community provides the basic cable TV.  Because we NEVER watch anything other than Wheel of fortune and possible the local news each night we didn't need the three million channel line up that I was paying for.  I have a Netflix subscription and because Keri and Steve gave me a "Firestick" for my smart TV I now also have a subscription to HULU. (Comcast cable does not have HULU or Disney +).  When I up graded my AT&T phone service this past summer I now have HBO Max as a part of my phone contract.  When it is all added up I'm paying less for all this than I was when I had all the extra crap from my cable company. 

But even with all these stations we still DO NOT get Center Ice or NHL so The Man is still in the same boat that he has been in for the past 4 years.  So the search began . . .   How are WE going to get to watch hockey when it starts tomorrow?  

At this point I am no longer even thinking about this because The Man is driving me nuts.  WE have sat in front of the TV for the past three weeks trying to figure out how WE can get The Detroit Redwings into our home.  Because, like most men, The Man does not bother to learn how to use all FOUR TV clickers it has been necessary for me to take an active part in this Hockey Horror.  At least that was the case until I lost it about a week ago.  I was in the middle of trying to get dinner cooked and the kitchen cleaned up while The Man was playing with TV remotes. I had had it . . .  because I don't care if a bunch of guys are sliding around on ice chasing a little black round thing.  I got The Man to hold off till after dinner when we both sat down and researched this hockey dilemma.  After several phone calls to The Man's son in Alaska WE figured out we needed to download and subscribe to NHL network.  The Man actually attempted this on his own but that wasn't working so once again I was sucked into the black hole of manly sports.  WE managed to get the app but needed three phone calls to NHL help line before we got The Man registered and hopefully set to go. 

Tomorrow is the first Red Wing game.  I am saying a Novena tonight that we actually do have the correct connection to the NHL channel because if The Man finds that he can't get the game there will be a frantic and panicked rush to call customer support and you know who is going to be making that call. 

UP YOUR NOSE

As a kid the "go to" response to anyone who was arguing with you was, "Up Your Nose With A Rubber Hose" !   Shouted at the top of your lungs and followed by an abrupt turning of your back to your opponent effectively ended any argument.  This was basically the "F U" for an eight year old back in the fifties.  There was no comeback to it, that was that !  ( I also remember the group version of this.  When you and your friends were confronted by an opposing group of kids out on the playground the ultimate put-down was to yell in unison, "Baby baby stick your head in gravy. Wash it out with sauerkraut and send it to the Navy."   It made no sense at all but it was the end all to many a playground disagreement.). 

Now we are in a different world and when someone says "Up your nose" it is the response given to the question of," How do you test for Covid?" .  And UP YOUR NOSE they go with a cotton tipped two by four seeking the elusive brain cells at the top of your nasal canal.  Holy Crap !!  Have you had the pleasure of experiencing the covid test ?   I don't recommend it !

Last night on the exactly six week anniversary of my Pneumonia trip to the hospital I decided to celebrate with a semi re enactment of Thanksgiving day.  It all started about two weeks ago when my sinuses decided to go into hyper drive and began producing record volume of what we shall call "gunk".  (The polite name for snot). For what ever reason I had the Mississippi River of gunk pouring down the back of my throat. Assuming it was 'allergies", (which run twenty four seven in Florida because there is ALWAYS something blooming), I thought nothing of it and started taking some Musinex which dried it all up for a day but as soon as I stopped taking the pills the river returned.  About three days ago I decided that I would switch to a daytime cold and flu tablet to see if that would put a stop to this nastiness. That worked for about twenty four hours before the Amazon in flood stage once again began pouring down my throat. (I think that if all this gunk had been coming out of my nose I would have gone through at least four boxes of tissues.). By now I have added to the over productive sinuses a headache, fatigue and body aches. Can you see where my brain is going with this?  Then last night, after drinking a glass of three week old Egg Nog, I began to feel nauseous and have chills and sweats.  

Let'\s stop here at look at all this from the view point of a rational person. Allergies = sinus problems,  sinus problems = headache,  headache = nausea.  My body is seventy five years old so naturally it has aches and pains and is always tired !   !!     

Now let's look at it from my point of view . . .  "I HAVE COVID AND AM GOING TO DIE !!!!!"

God Bless The Man who just rolls with it all.  As I was winding myself up into panic mode he just calmly went along with it.  I looked up where I could go for a Covid test at seven o'clock at night and found a walk in med just down the road from here.  I got dressed and The Man told me he would take me there.  I couldn't do that to the poor guy, it was after dark and he was settled down for the night.  I drove myself and kept him up to date by text message. I got to see the doctor who tested me for Covid AND the Flu and patted me on the head with some suggestions for feeling better.  The Flu test came back in ten minutes . . . NEGATIVE.  I almost was wishing it would be positive so I would have the flu which would justify my panic attack but that wasn't the case.   The Covid test will take 48 hours to get results.  

In my heart I know I am fine and just have a cold but until I get that test result you know my brain is working overtime telling me I am infected !  Thankfully I do have The Man who validates my actions and thoughts, even if he does think I'm nuts.  All I have to do is not give him what ever I DO have. 

WHY DO MEN HAVE EARS ?

I am looking for an answer to this question of why God gave men ears.  I guess that since God created "man" in His own image He just gave man all the body parts that He has ?  And being God, the great creator of all needs ears to listen to all the complaints of his creatures.  So that explains why God has ears but it does not explain the need for ears on man.  

I mean, let's face it, when was the last time that you knew a man who listened to ANYTHING !? 

I get that man needs feet to run, hands to hold, a mouth to eat with and a nose to smell danger but EARS ?  Seriously Lord, why did you give man ears ?  

Women need ears to hear the babies cry, the children calling and the phone ringing. WHAT does a man use his ears for?  It is a well known fact that all a man needs is  . . .  well . . .  I guess all he needs is a woman.  Men basically don't think for them selves . . . "Honey, what's for dinner?", "Have you seen my phone?", "What did I do with . . . " (Fill in the blank. There are too many options to write here.). When a man watches TV it is usually some sport that he is watching and you don't need ears to hear a crowd yelling in the back ground.  You can see what is happening, no dialogue needed.  Other than hanging his glasses on those things protruding from the side of his head there isn't a single thing that a man needs ears for.  

Maybe God made a mistake here ?   Not to say God is possible of making a mistake but if you really think about it ears on a man are like a fish with a bicycle.  TOTALLY UNNECESSARY !!

It's not that I don't normally talk to myself anyway but every so often I do like some feed back on something that I am saying.  After 46 years of marriage I came to recognize the blank stare on the face of Husband that signaled the shut down of his ears and brain.  I had hoped that it was just because after 46 years he was just tired of my constant babbling.  But The Man and I have only been together 5 years and I have seen the same blank look on his face.  I honestly don't talk all that much . . . REALLY . . . I consider myself a fairly good listener.  When The Man is busy telling me, in much detail, how to trap a river otter, (something that I will need to know every day of my life), I politely listen and make appropriate comments at opportune moments.  I do not disappear into my mind, (mostly because that is a very scary place to be), I listen.  I have been present for many conversations about hunting, cooking, sports and what ever but when I try to discuss something The Man disappears into the "Nothing Box" inside his brain and he remains there until something catches his eye. At which point he returns to the world until his brain shuts down once more.  If The Man ever were to suffer from seizures I would never know it because his blank stare is a normal part of his existence.  

So why did God give man ears ?  He really should have saved that excess flesh and put someplace else where it would be more useful . . .  

DAY THREE OF THE NEW YEAR

 It doesn't feel like a new year.  It sure doesn't feel like Sunday.  We are so screwed up with the days of the week and the date that it could be Tuesday July 23.   It certainly is warm enough to be July 23,  that's for sure.  But it isn't humid so I guess it couldn't be the middle of summer.  

Covid 19 has messed with our heads for a full twelve months now.  How is that possible ????  On one hand it seems that we have been wearing masks and social distancing FOREVER and yet on the other hand I still can't quite grasp the whole quarantine thing.  I have not been isolated from my loved ones because they are so close by and we can visit outside so I get to see their wonderful faces all the time.  You can visit on Skype and Zoom but there is nothing like seeing them in person. 

As for not being able to eat out at my favorite restaurants,  that just doesn't happen since I have The Man in my life.  In spite of the fact that his wife was an extraordinary chef The Man just loves his meat and potatoes plain and simple.  (Is that why he continues to weigh twenty pounds less than me ?) I LOVE a good restaurant that gets creative and serves unusual foods.  One of my favorite places down here is "Leftovers". It started as a very small place in Jupiter named "Little Mohrs Food Shack". which everyone abbreviated to "The Shack".  It was in a strip mall and you would have to wait for hours to get a table.  But the wait was well worth it!  They serve the absolute BEST seafood around and the way they prepare it is fantastic.  It sounds gross and weird but their Mahi Mahi coated in sweet potato served on a bed of wonderful greens is out of this world.  The place became so popular that the owner opened a second and bigger restaurant near by and called it "Leftovers".  I'm not sure if he is referring to the food being copied from the original or the patrons who are left over because they couldn't get into the original "Shack".  What ever the reasoning I do love this place. Sadly the last time I was there I went by myself for a late lunch/early dinner right after Husband had died.  I didn't enjoy eating alone but it was well worth it for the delicious meal I had.  Husband, like The Man did not like eating out in good restaurants.  How I have been blessed with two men in my life who both LOVE Burger King and Mac Donalds is beyond me.  Once again I chalk it up to God and his wicked sense of humor.    

Today, on this third day of the new year The Man asked if I would like to take a ride in the early afternoon, before the 4:00 Packers game.  Always ready for any sort of adventure we left the house not knowing exactly where we were headed.  Now think about this . . .   you are living in South Florida only minutes from the ocean and the day is the most beautiful of days.  You want to go for a ride somewhere fairly close so where do you go ???   If you guessed the beach you are wrong.  We took a ride to, wait for it,        the car wash!    But not just any old car wash. We went to the new car wash that allows you to remain IN your car the entire time !  The Man was in Hog Heaven . . .   not so much for me.  He was happier than a pig in poop because the car wash kid had The Man open the hood and trunk so he could blow out all the leaves that had gathered there. (Our assigned parking spots are directly under a stupid tree that looses its leaves ALL year round.  How that is possible I can't figure out but it is true.). These small pointy leaves drive The Man NUTS !!!!!  He is obsessed with them and mutters constantly about how many damn leaves there are on his car.  So when we went to the car wash and the kid got rid of ALL the leaves The Man was so excited. (I guarantee you the trunk and hood will be covered by sun up tomorrow.)

To celebrate our "adventure" at the car wash we then went out to eat.  Well,  not exactly OUT but as close to it as we ever get.  I managed to get The Man focused on something other than a burger at a drive through but because he is very self conscious of being on oxygen our dinner "out" was limited to someplace that didn't require us to get out of the car.  There is no lack of places like that here where we live so we settled on Buds Chicken and Fish.  We went for the fried shrimp dinner with TWO sides.  We don't get drinks because, "They are a pain in the butt to carry from the car to the house!"  (I personally would balance a gallon of ice tea on my head but The Man finds this way too difficult.).  Today the Shrimp were mediocre at best and I am now sitting here with a pain in my belly wondering just what the hell I'm going to do for the next 362 days left in this year.  

I got on the scale this morning and I weigh five pounds more than I did on December third.   I am already well over the "normal" weight for a person my height and age so this move in the plus direction is not a good one.  I have no hope that this new year will change The Man's eating habits and that means it will be extra difficult for me to change my way of eating.  But this is my January third New Year's resolution . . .

Take better care of myself because it looks like I'm on my own when it comes to food.  If only I were strong enough to do that !

DAY ONE IN 21

 Good Grief . . .   2021 . . .   how and when did that happen?  I was born in 1945 and thought that the year two thousand was going to be something amazing and here we are twenty one years after that !  It honestly blows my mind !!  

There is a great "Dear Abby" column in todays paper that gave suggestions for the New Year.  I won't go through them all but part of the column was about "TODAY" . . .   As in, "Today I will . . . "  No thoughts of the past, no worries about the future.  Just live for today and do your very best each day. I consider that the best advice anyone could give. So often it is way too easy to slip into the "Remember when life was better" mode of thinking.  The past is gone . . . Holy Crap is it ever !  We can't change it, we can't have a replay, we can only learn from it and grow in character.  I don't know where the past seventy five years went.  I do know I never expected them to fly by as quickly as they did. Even more reason to live for today and enjoy each day we are breathing.  Could life be better? Of course!  I could be pain free, I could have joints that move in the direction I want them to move.  I could be forty pounds lighter, (well I guess I COULD do something about that one but let's not get crazy here).  I could hear and see better without the aid of glasses and hearing aids. I could be generally healthier if I had taken care of myself all those years ago BUT it is what it is and we can't go back for a replay.  

If I could go back would I do some things differently ?  I doubt it because all the things that I experienced and did have made me who I am today and I honestly like the person I have grown into.  It sure as hell took forever to get here but I think my parents would be proud of who I turned into. (I KNOW that even though they set the ground work they had a lot of doubts I was actually going to make it as a productive, responsible human being.  God love them they had their hands full!). 

As for worrying about the future . . . well that is just a total waste of time and energy.   Yesterday I got a call from my amazing daughter who is with her family visiting her mother-in-law for the week.  "Grannie" lives in North Carolina and does not like to drive or fly so the only time she sees her grand children and her son are when they come to visit her.  I spoke with her earlier in the month and she was super excited about having the kids come to stay.  Sadly once they all got there she quickly tired of them and was having difficulty with having four extra people in her home. ( I totally get that) She lives alone with her dog and has gotten into a routine that is totally disrupted by house guests for the week.  She refuses to go anywhere with the family because she "might" fall, or get sick or be tired . . . and so on.  That's no way to live !  If I spent my life worrying about what COULD happen or MIGHT happen or "What if" I would never leave my bed.  This poor woman has set herself up for an unhappy life and an early grave. 

Is it easy to get my ass moving some days /. Of course !  And there are day when I don't get my butt off the couch but those days pass and on the days when I am motivated I push myself to go and do something that challenges my comfort zone.  It's not easy all the time but we have to keep fighting if we want to keep living.  

SO . . .   all that being said, I wish you all a New Year filled with strength to overcome the challenges you know you will encounter. I wish you courage to fight against taking the easy road and give that untraveled path a try.  Who knows what you may find !  And most of all ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY every precious moment of your life.  You just don't know how much time we have here so make the very best of EVERYTHING !  Enjoy the good days, learn from the bad days and just keep moving forward.

HAPPY NEW YEAR !  I love you all !!