THE AVOCADO AND I

Once upon a time there was an avocado sitting on a tree somewhere on an avocado farm. Along came the farmer who picked the avocado and sent it to the grocery store where I bought it and brought it home to eat. This was such a lovely round and delicious avocado that I decided to take the plump round pit and balance it on two tooth picks above a glass of water to see if it would start to grow roots. Sure enough after a few weeks roots appeared and the avocado pit was ready to be planted in a pot of dirt outside on the patio.  AND A SQUIRREL ATE IT !

And so I bought a second avocado and started all over again.  This time I planted the seed that started sprouting roots in a pot that I kept on the screened in lanai so nothing could get at it. This pit continued to grow into a 3 foot tall tree with lovely green leaves.  Because it was doing so well I put it in a larger pot and placed it outside in the bright sun and it flourished ! It grew taller and wider and it was HAPPY!
      UNTIL IT FROZE !  All the leaves fell off and I was left with a 4 foot bare stick. Gerry told me it was dead and I should throw it out but I had faith and I left it alone and low and behold as the weather warmed up the leaves began to reappear and the tree returned to life.

As the years passed I decided I wanted to plant the now 5 foot tall tree outside the fence between our pool and the lake to see what it would do. Ger wasn't too excited about the idea. My son-in-law didn't like the idea that it would block the view of the lake but I really wanted to see if we could get avocados on the tree. And so one afternoon about 3 years ago Kent and Gerry gave in and planted the little avocado tree out by the lake.

Here's my tree today.   I'm guessing maybe 25 - 30 feet tall and healthy and beautiful and the very best thing of all . . .

   IT IS FULL OF AVOCADOS !      I had just about given up on this tree that we were ever going to get an avocado when yesterday I was outside cleaning up the patio and I sat for a moment looking out at the lake and the tree. Something on the tree caught my eye so I got up to see what it was and there it was, an avocado. I stood there staring in disbelief at the  grapefruit sized huge green fruit when I saw another one and another one and another one and another one. The tree is FULL of them !!!!!!!!  I had researched the Internet and read that sometimes avocados bought in the store will  not reproduce when their pits are planted. Ger was convinced that we needed another tree to cross pollinate our tree. We had completely given up all hope of ever having an avocado grow on this tree and now I have to start going up and down the street handing out avocados to my neighbors because I am over run with the damn things.  

ISN'T IT GREAT !!

I Wonder if I can make Avocado cookies ?     

ATLANTA . . . HOME OF THE . . .

Brave ?  . . .    Heat and Humidity ? . . .  Rolling Hills ? . . .  Classic Colonial Plantations ? . . .

You name it, Atlanta's got it all. It's got it's base ball team the Atlanta Braves who, BTW, are building a new stadium just across the road from where my son Kyle works. I know this because I got to visit Kyles office on Sunday and we passed all these huge cranes. He explained it was construction of the new baseball stadium which will now be way North and East of down town Atlanta. I can't imagine how the fans will appreciate this commute but money talks and so the Braves will move to the suburbs. Kyle and his co workers will have great seats for the games and can probably sell their parking spots for big bucks. They won't have to deal with the famous Atlanta heat and humidity during the early season games cause they can sit in g air conditioned offices to watch.

Unfortunately I happen to be visiting Atlanta this week and there is no heat and no humidity. In fact I am FREEZING !  I knew when I was packing that it would be cooler than Florida but  I did not think that Atlanta's 68 degrees would feel so cold.  Maybe because Atlanta's 68 degrees turned out to be 48 degrees.  Ha ha !  Big joke on grandma !  I did pack jeans and a sweater and a jacket but I am a wanting muck a lucks, fur coat, ear muffs, mittens and a scarf ! That old wives tale about your blood thinning after living in Florida or when you get old . . . ALL TRUE !   Rita, Aunt Ann Marie, I Am Sorry for all the times I have made fun of you !  I am freezing !  I know how you feel !  I feel like my very bones a frozen and I will never be warm again.  I cannot wait for bed time so I can get into bed under the covers and get warm.   Kyle gave me an electric heater for my room but I can't get it to warm the room enough. I'm afraid his electric bill will be so high he will never. Invite me back.

As for Atlanta's rolling hills . . .  I would like to know how this city ever managed to support plantations ? I have yet to find one acre of property that is FLAT so you can farm some thing. Down town Atlanta is up and down, Sandy Springs is up and down, the neighboring areas are up and down. I can't go for a walk because if I go out I will be in need of oxygen within five minutes from climbing up a hill . Nothing is flat. The houses are all built where the front is one story and the back has four stories. Houses are either at the top of a hill or the bottom of a ravine. It's a skate boarders paradise. But the lack of flat ground has not stopped builders here from building some of the most ginormous homes I have ever seen. There is just one mansion after another.. Street after street of humongous homes built on these rolling expanses of property all owned by who ? ? ?  Who are these people who can afford to live in these huge homes ?      I sure don't get it ?

DID YOU CHECK THE BATTERIES ?

What would we do without the geniuses of the world to ask the obvious questions ?  Do you think the world might actually come to an end if there weren't those folks who ALWAYS manage to ask the dumbest question that makes you slowly turn in their direction with the look on your face that says, "Some one grab me quick because I am about to leap across these two feet of space between me and Captain Dumb Ass and jump on their head screaming the entire time 'OF COURSE I CHECKED THE BATTERIES!"   They are the people who when you are on your last minute trying to get out the door and can't find your car keys say, "Did  you check your pockets?",  OR when you are looking for the screwdriver they suggest you look in the tool box, as if that thought had never occurred to you.

Just HOW stupid do they think we are OR how stupid are they ? OR . . . is it a matter, once again, of just opening ones mouth and speaking before thinking ?  There is an awful lot of that going around. The "filters" that sometimes exist seem to be collapsing rapidly. Never mind being "PC". Politically correct is a joke these days. That has gone over the top and died a slow and painful death. I'm talking about listening to what you are saying. As in DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF ??????  Once again this stems from a conversation that I had with my oldest cousin, bless her little heart.  She is turning 85 years old and is the center of her universe. NO filters at all. Never had any, never will.  But at least I know what I am dealing with, even though she still drives me bat shit. Sorry, I digress . . .

It's the people like myself who when someone says, "my flashlight isn't working" I respond with, "Did you check the batteries?"  BE HONEST !  You know that is exactly what you would say!  Just try it! It's like a Pavlovian response. You just can't help it !!!!!   So the joke is on me.  I get all excited when someone says,"Did you check the batteries?" but I can't help but do it my self!  HA !  GO figure. And YES !  I DID check the batteries and the flashlight is still not working so what would you suggest now genius ?

P.S.    I have to post a very belated (13 days belated) HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my almost youngest cousin ANN !!!!!  I totally missed her birthday this year. No card, no facebook, no phone call, nothing.
I hope it was HAPPY, HEALTHY AND SUPER TERRIFIC !!!    HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUZ  !!

THE GREAT TOOTH SCAM

I have just returned from my dentist, (who I happen to REALLY like A LOT) and SHE has informed me I am in for a FOUR THOUSAND dollar procedure by one of her associates to dig out an old tooth and implant a fake new tooth in it's place. I don't think my dentist will see any of this money but then again who knows. The point is $4,000 is a lot of money for one freaking little tooth waaaaaaaaaay in the back of a seventy year old lady's mouth. When you consider said old broad may not live to see 71 never mind 100.

 I asked Doctor B what would happen if we took the old rotting tooth out waaaaaaaaaaaaay in the back of my mouth and then DID NOTHING !?  You would think I just killed her dog, if she had a dog. The look of shock and horror that crossed her face equalled that of my saying I hated the color purple. (Which happens to be her favorite color!) Once she regained her normal heart rate she explained how my mouth needed that tooth to be there so that I would chew properly. (She has apparently never seen me inhale my food.) How, if that space was left vacant my upper tooth would start to "drop" into the empty space below. Now THAT sounds kind of cool !  Like who would not want a six inch long tooth????  I could get into Guinness Book of Records for the longest molar in the world. FINALLY something I could make money with !

If you think about it, how important are half of these teeth anyway ? Don't ask your dentist because they will have an answer for every single one of the pearly whites.  "This little one is for biting, this little one is for grinding, this little one is for chewing and this little one is for tearing and this little one is for going chomp chomp all the way home."  BUT, Take one look at a toddler with their 2 teeth on the top and 2 teeth on the bottom and watch them tear up some dinner.  DO NOT get between them and a piece of pizza that mom has put in front of them. And anyone who has stuck their finger into the mouth of a 3 month old with NO teeth and had that little one chomp down on you KNOWS for a fact that kid does not require teeth !

TEETH are way overrated !  Especially if you have had them for 70 years and they are on the down hill side of their life. Lets face the fact that dental techniques were not what they are today back in the 50's. If you had a cavity the "dentist" pretty much stuck something equivalent to today's version of Silly Putty or liquid lead or aluminum into the hole and hoped for the best. Things did not improve until that entire generation of dentists died off somewhere in the early 21st century and let the new ideas take over. Way too late for folks like me.  The damage has been done.  There is no reversing the mess that was made so please don't try to get this tired old mouth looking like that of a 20 year old.

Let's toss those teeth out as they die ! Give them a dignified and quiet burial in the trash can and leave the space vacant. Do not try to replace the old resident who has served us well. Just let them die in peace and wait for their companions to join them one by one and their host body slowly falls apart. In the time that is left, be it one or thirty years that one tooth is NOT going to make that much of a difference. But . . . . the $4,000 sure will !