TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING

I can not believe what The Man said to me today . . .   and I didn't even blink an eye because even though I can't believe he said what he did it fits the male profile.

Once again we were outside on this beautiful but chilly day. The Man was on his lawn mower and I was finding endless things to keep myself busy. I had just gotten into blowing leaves off the patio when The Man rode over and asked me to move the RV so he could cut the grass where it was parked. I love driving the RV so I was happy to leave the leaf blower to move the motor home. After I parked it I decided to go through it to see what we had left in there from last summer.  

Sadly, The Man has decided to sell the camper because he just can't handle the set up each time we stop at a camp ground. There really isn't much to setting it up but because his breathing is constantly getting worse even the smallest of tasks causes him to have difficulty breathing. I am still good to go with all the hooking up of electric and water but The Man worries that if anything out of the ordinary happens we will not be able to handle it. It's a valid concern, so after discussing it with me we have decided to sell it. I will be very disappointed to get rid of it but it is the best move for him. 

With the potential sale in mind I decided to go through the RV and take out some of the things we have kept in there. As I was looking through the cabinets The Man drove up to see what I was up to. I had the camper door open and a pile of things sitting on the top step, ready to take back to the house. I explained what I was doing and The Man offered the use of his little trailer that's hitched to the back of his mower. He said we could put everything in the trailer and he would drive it around to the front door of the house where it would be easy to unload. I actually thought this was a fantastic idea that would save me several trips back and forth to the house. What The Man did not realize was that the small pile of things on the top step was just the "tip of the iceberg". As I started filling his trailer with more and more stuff The Man said . . .  "Are you bringing ALL THAT into the house?" . . . ( For your information "ALL THAT" consisted of 2 small boxes and a kitchen garbage bag. It was not as if I had emptied the entire contents of his garage into the trailer.)  To give The Man credit he must have seen the look on my face because he immediately said, "OH, I guess it's not THAT much".  

What you have to remember here is that this is the man who has SO much stuff in his house, attic, basement and garage that it will take fourteen moving companies and a couple of sherpas a month to clean out all his stuff. As I sit here writing this I am looking at a pile of at least 8 sheep skins sitting in a corner of the parlor. The contents of this house could furnish all of Buckingham Palace and then some.  (If only the Queen liked sheep skins and antique lamps.) So for The Man to question me bringing the contents of the RV back into the house is just plain ludicrous. In fact, if you think about it, all the stuff in the RV came OUT of this very same house two years ago when we first bought the camper. 

It's comments like this that make me question my sanity. But then I remember who I am dealing with and all is well once again. I just have to remind myself that men can't help themselves, it's in their DNA to say dumb things. Good thing it's in my DNA not to hit them with a frying pan. (Of which we have at least seven.) 

I GUARANTEE IT

 There are some things in life that you just KNOW you can be guaranteed they WILL happen.  Things like the day after the warrantee runs out on your car, refrigerator or vacuum cleaner it will break down. I can guarantee it !  Or as soon as you wash your car it will rain.  If you plan a cruise to the Caribbean you know for sure there will be a hurricane the week you are set to sail.  The day you forget your cell phone is the day you get stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire. Some people refer to these incidents as Murphy's law but what ever you choose to call it you know it's true.  

One of my favorite guarantees has to do with the opposite sex. They are a warehouse full of guaranteed characteristics like always being late for dinner on the night you prepare a special meal. Or wanting sex after you have been up half the night with a sick kid. Don't get me started on the list because it could go on forever. I just happened to get thinking about this topic today after a discussion I had with The Man. 

Much to the chagrin of The Man I am fired up with energy today because it is a beautiful day and I want to be outside. Yesterday was cloudy, windy and COLD which forced us to be indoors all day. Because The Man is part hermit yesterday was his perfect day. He spent the entire time sitting inside at his favorite spot at the kitchen table.  (Except for his two hour nap in the middle of the afternoon.) 

This morning I headed out the door to tackle THE "GARDEN". I use the term "garden" quite loosely because there really isn't a formal garden or even an informal one for that matter.  There are just places in the yard where things grow.  One area has peonies growing, another contains rhubarb, and yet another has asparagus. All through out the "lawn" there is wild thyme running rampant.  It is so fragrant when ever The Man mows the grass. But today my attention was focussed on the 2 foot wide border along the cement patio at the back of the house. Armed with a leaf blower, a weed whacker, garden gloves and a flame thrower, (no not really), I planned my attack. When in Florida I discovered that if you spray weeds with a solution of vinegar with a couple of drops of dawn dish detergent it will kill anything that grows. Armed with our new gallon sprayer I set out to kill some weeds and beat back the wild rose bushes that take over the entire yard if not kept under control. Unusual as it might seem The Man was OK with all this. (I guess he is getting used to my insanity.) I had just gotten started when The Man showed up on his ride on lawnmower asking me to help him with something out in another part of the yard. I could be guaranteed that this would happen as soon as I got started on MY project.  When we finished his project I returned to the weeds only to have you know who decide it was lunch time, did I want to come in to eat? Translation . . .  "Would you make me a sandwich ? " 

This behavior is so predictable. Just like his starting a conversation just as I am ready to walk out the door. Or asking what we are having for dinner tomorrow just as I am falling asleep.  Or deciding to need something three seconds after I have put it away.  

I can't decide if they do this on purpose just to drive us nuts or are they really living in a bubble so small that they are totally unaware of their actions.  Either way it is guaranteed to drive me nuts !

TURKEY ON THE TRACKS

 This morning The Man and I left the house at 8:30 to make the hour drive to Oscar G. Johnson Veterans Hospital in Iron Mountain, MI.  This VA hospital is where all The Man's doctors are located so any time he needs to see a dentist, cardiologist, pulmonary specialist we need to drive an hour.  Some of these doctors are actually located in Minneapolis, Minnesota but use "Tele Health" to confer with The Man about his various conditions. This Tele Health can't be done at home on our own computer but is instead done in a special office at the VA.  

Today's visit was for an echo cardiogram and to see the dentist.  Both of these were done in person at the VA. (I'd like to see them do a dental exam over the computer.)

Not only is this veterans hospital an hour away but it is also in another time zone!  Some where about half way between the house and the hospital we go from Eastern Standard time to Central time. On a good day our phones may make the hour change but the clock in the car remains on EST. This all means that we can leave The Man's house at 10:00 to get to the hospital for a 10:00 appointment. It gets super confusing when we have an appointment in Iron Mountain and then have to be at a different appointment in Escanaba, which is near where we live. I have a great deal of trouble doing the math on that one. Which clock do I look at? Did my phone change the time or not? What day is it ???????  All this really pushes my brain to the max. 

Besides traveling from one time zone to another we usually go from one climate to another. If we leave the Equator at 10:00 and arrive in Antarctica at 10:00,  fifty miles away,  what time will it be when the two trains meet?  ( Oh sorry . . . flash back from high school math.) This morning when we left the house it was sunny and a balmy 62 degrees. It was beautiful !  I told The Man to leave his fleece jacket at home. I believe my exact words were, "You won't need that heavy jacket. It's beautiful out side." We weren't ten miles down the road before the clouds started to roll in and the temperature started to drop. By the time we got to the VA it was twelve below zero and snowing !  NO . . .  just kidding but it sure felt like it could snow.  The sky was dark gray and the wind was blowing so it felt like it was a lot colder than what the thermometer said. I believe The Man did mutter something not so nice as he stepped out of the car without his fleece jacket. I was glad to drop him at the door of the hospital so he wouldn't freeze and I was also glad that I keep a heavy hoodie jacket in the trunk of the car so I wouldn't get frost bite walking across the parking lot. I am slowly learning how to survive up here. 

It is necessary for me to go with The Man on all these appointments because I am the carrier of the back pack which contains The Man's glasses, numerous inhalers, his phone, a water bottle and a couple of electric cords for the portable oxygen concentrators that we travel with. (I carry a small pack of tissues for myself.) It is no fun not being able to breathe so we always travel with three sources of oxygen. Two portable concentrators that can plug into the car cigaret lighter and a tank of oxygen in case there are electrical issues with the two machines. There is no chance of us ever picking up a hitch hiker because the entire back seat of the car is filled with oxygen. (It's amazing how much space air can occupy.)  When we arrive at our destination I drop off The Man at the closest door and then go park the car. I haul the back pack with me as The Man pulls his oxygen supply with him.  We look like a traveling minstrel show.  Depending on what the appointment is I either wait in the waiting rooms or go in with him. We have note book in which I journal all his dr. visits. I get to carry that in my back pack too. I had always thought that once my children were grown I would be done with carrying a "diaper bag" but it looks like my life is just making a full circle. 

And so this was our day today. Several hours of adventure that I knew would be fun because of the good omen as we turned out onto the highway after leaving the house this morning. As we drove down the road there on the rail road tracks sat the biggest turkey I have ever seen. It was perched in the middle of the tracks just looking as happy as anything. I swear it was smiling at me as we drove by. Maybe he had just flown in from Iron Mountain and knew what we were in for. 

DID I "DING" ?

 Among all the strange and different things that I encounter up here in the UP one of the most annoying is The Man's "Dinger". ( Oh, get your brain out of the gutter I'm not talking about THAT !)

The house we live in is set way back off the road so as a matter of security The Man has attached a motion sensor to one of the trees along the driveway. Every time something passes in front of it a LOUD "Ding Dong" is heard in the house. It's a great idea for places that don't have deer, turkeys and sand cranes that are constantly walking up and down the road. It is also not on a timer so there are nights when the damn thing is ding donging every half hour. There are even times when a tall blade of grass or a low hanging branch with cross the beam and set off the noisy thing. I do like it when it goes off around ten in the morning because then I know the UPS man is delivering something.  

Today as I walked down the driveway out to the mail box I kept getting small pieces of gravel in my shoes. I'd stop to empty one shoe and then three steps later I'd have to stop to empty the other shoe. It was quite annoying so on my trip back up the drive to the house I just sucked up the discomfort of walking on pebbles until I got one nasty little piece of gravel that was cutting into my foot so much that it was really painful. In my frustration I stopped dead in my tracks to get the nasty little bugger out of my shoe.      YUP . . .  you guessed it, I stopped right in front of the "dinger".  It only took me a second or two to get my shoe off and back on but when I returned to the house and asked my usual silly question of, "Did I Ding?" The Man informed me that not only did I ding but I ding donged several times. I can't imagine what he must have been thinking when the alarm went off and on and off and on but I did come to the realization that if I am ever being chased by a bear or fall flat on my face in the driveway The Man will totally ignore all warning signals. 

Speaking of warnings signs . . . This morning on our way into town we passed the Dollar General Store and there were no cars in the parking lot. This is unheard of. The dollar store is THE place to be and on any given day the parking lot is filled with pick up trucks a beat up cars.  (Not a single Bentley or Lamborghini in the lot, never mind a Toyota.  Up here EVERYONE drives a Chevy.) Anyway . . .  The sight of the empty parking lot caused me to wonder if Armageddon had come and gone while we were asleep and we were the only living souls remaining on Earth. Fortunately by the time we got to the one traffic light in town there were other cars on the road with us so we knew all was well with the world.  Maybe the Dollar Store lady just slept in this morning.

HOME

Did you ever think about what the word "home" means to you ?  There are a lot of references to "home" in our society . . . "Home Sweet Home",  "Home Home on the Range", "There's No Place Like Home", and of course, "Home is Where The Heart Is".  That last one is probably the truest.  When you are comfortable someplace it becomes home to you.

Finally, after 5 years, I am feeling that the UP of Michigan is my "second" home.  For a displaced New Yorker this is a FAR cry from anything I ever thought of as home. Growing up in New York City, going to college in up state New York and then raising a family on Long Island, New York never prepared me for this unique part of the country. Even living in crazy Florida where just about anything can and does happen, I never would have thought I'd be happy spending five months of the year in the northern reaches of Michigan. I often think that it's a good thing I had parents who took me on vacations to Maine, Vermont and the Catskill Mountains.  It helped that being a Girl Scout I always loved camping in out of the way places, cooking over a wood fire and sleeping in a tent. Traveling across our country in a pop-up camper with Husband and my 3 kids for ten years helped me to see all sorts of different regions of our country and several trips to Europe and other countries also helped me to broaden my view of where and how people live. 

Even with all that experience I was not prepared for life on a farm for months at a time. It's one thing to spend a vacation week or two in rustic places but LIVING here is a completely different thing. Coming up here to visit five years ago I did fall in love with the area. The people are awesome, warm and friendly. The scenery is beautiful in a quiet sort of way. No majestic snow covered mountains or steep sea side cliffs battered by ocean waves. Instead it is quiet, green and welcoming. (Except when it snows!)  It's a perfect place to stop and catch your breath and relax. 

BUT . . . it was not home.  

The UP of Michigan belonged to The Man. this was his childhood home and the farm was part of his families legacy. The house he grew up in is just a quarter mile away out on the highway. The Man grew up roaming these woods with his brothers and his friends. They have hunted deer in these woods, build childhood forts and spent days roaming alone discovering who knows what. The house that The Man lives in now belonged to his Uncle and Aunt before he bought it. It is a simple "farm" house that has been added on to and reshaped many times over the years. It holds many memories for The Man and his brothers. When I first visited here I was a guest.  It was all new to me and I had to learn how to live here.  There is a septic tank so don't let the water run while you brush your teeth or wash the dishes. The water comes from a well so it smells funny and feels funny when you take a shower. The house was The Man's house and it belonged to him and his wife, who's presence was still here even though she had died three years before I met The Man. The pictures on the walls, the dishes in the cabinets, the medicine in the bathroom and even the clothes in the closets all belonged to a woman I didn't know who had made this her home. It's a weird feeling stepping into someone else's life. 

For once in my life I was smart, I didn't push The Man to let me into his home. I waited on the "outside" visiting as a guest, only using the minimum of space allowed to me. Of course those first couple of years with The Man I didn't spend a lot of time here in Michigan. I would fly up here where we would spend a couple of weeks and then leave to drive to Alaska. My home was still in Florida and Michigan was still a vacation spot for me. 

Last year was the first summer that I stayed in Michigan for five full months.  That wasn't my initial plan but God had other ideas.  With the arrival of Covid we were suddenly brought to a halt when it came to travel.  That just happened to coincide with The Man's health getting just a little worse so that I was reluctant to leave him up here alone. That and the possibility that if I traveled to Florida and back I could very well carry the Covid virus back with me and infect him. And so I stayed here and was in agony the entire time.  I missed my home !  I missed my family and friends ! I was still a guest in a strange place and I didn't want to be here. All my doctors were in Florida, what if I got sick? I could die up here! 

All that changed this year.  

I came up here this year knowing that I would be here for the entire summer. I prepared myself mentally to find things to occupy my time without making The Man crazy. It is very easy to make any man crazy but this poor guy had his hands full with me.  I like to organize !  There is nothing I love more than to spend a rainy day emptying cabinets and tossing stuff out.  I've talked about this before so you know what I'm talking about.  Before this year if I even looked in a drawer I was questioned about what I was looking for and why. The house wasn't mine so I had to watch my every move. I became "The Ninja" ! Sneaking around when The Man was asleep so I could find a bar of soap in the over stuffed bathroom closet. 

All it took was some patience on my part and now I am feeling like this is also MY home. The Man's wife is still here with us, as well she should be but The Man is letting things go and he is allowing me to sort through things and move things I won't use to the basement or attic. So far I have gotten two kitchen drawers sorted and emptied out, three kitchen cabinets and a dresser in the second bedroom that has become my "dressing room". We bought a new bed last year that belongs to US, not just The Man.  I am slowly gaining headway into closets and cabinets and it is starting to feel like home to me.  I even brought my kitchen calendar that I had made on Shutterfly with different pictures of my grand kids to hang on the kitchen wall. 

It's amazing how comfortable these few changes have made me feel this year. I'm actually very happy to be here with The Man and even though I do miss my family it isn't anywhere as bad as last year.  I have my chores of feeding the deer each afternoon and walking out to the mail box out by the road. I'm tending the garden to slowly make it my own by planting plants I enjoy. I am very comfortable telling The Man I'm taking the car to go into town rather than waiting for him to suggest he drive me someplace. The pieces are falling into place and life is good. 

My heart is here and here is home.   

SPRING TIME IN THE U P

 According to the calendar that is hanging on the kitchen wall I do believe it is supposed to be Spring.  Considering the fact that snow was falling two weeks ago right after we arrived here I had my doubts. Then yesterday I was walking around in shorts and a tank top because it was so hot. And I thought Florida weather was crazy.

I has been quite chilly, damp and cloudy since we arrived here in the U P of Michigan.  I was beginning to wonder what had made me get in the car with The Man to travel 4 days to this arctic waste land.  And then the weather changed !!  HALLELUJAH  LORD !!!!  I mean it is tough enough leaving my family in Florida to spend the summer up here but if I am coming here only to freeze to death then I must be nuts !

Thankfully The Lord saw me packing and planning my escape and He has actually let the sun shine long enough for me to unpack my bag and settle in for the season.  

The past weekend was COLD on Friday but then on Saturday the sun started to peek out from behind all the gray clouds and the earth began to warm up.  The peonies are growing inches each day, as is the grass. The birds are out back at the bird feeders filling their bellies and even the Hummingbirds are back hovering around the feeder like mini helicopters while sticking their little straw like beaks into the sugar water we have put out just for them.  The air has gotten warmer and the cold breeze off of Lake Michigan is beginning to feel less frosty. The best part of this arrival of Spring is we have little orange visitors who will be here for about two weeks.  The Baltimore Orioles are passing through and they are magnificent !!  I don't think I have ever seen one this close so having them feeding right outside the kitchen glass door is such a treat.  Someone told us just the other day that the Orioles were in town so we should put out a half of an orange for them to feed on.  We just happened to have some of those little oranges that were the perfect size to slice open and put out on the top of the bird feeder. I swear I wasn't back in the house two minutes when we had two beautiful Orioles perched out there munching away on the orange. By the end of the day the orange pieces were sucked dry so we have replaced them today and sure enough the Orioles are even happy to visit in the rain.  

Now that the weather is warming up I couldn't resist going out and getting into the garden to start beating back the weeds that seem to have woken up long before any of the flowering plants. The first day I got out the weed whacker and launched an attack out back.  That resulted in giving myself tendonitis in my new shoulder. Five days on Prednisone and I'm back to normal. So now that I know not to use the weed whacker I got on my hands and knees and started cutting back weeds with a scissor. That resulted in getting a cold butt from the wet ground, an aching arthritic hand and a head cold to boot !  Apparently Spring time is not a good time for senior citizens who don't use their brains.  

By yesterday I was feeling almost back to normal on all counts. I woke up to a BEAUTIFUL day outside. Temperatures in the low 70's, sun blazing, a wonderful cool breeze off the lake . . . just perfect !  I DID NOT go out into the garden !!  Instead I went into town to do some shopping and then made a visit to the chiropractor to get myself ready for the next adventure into home care on the "farm". The Man had set up a date with one of the neighbors kids to come over today to help us pick up fallen branches from around the property. Gus was also going to move some outside furniture and pull some stuff out of the basement. I personally was dreading the day because I knew I would probably be working alongside Gus and I just wasn't ready for another day of work when I was just beginning to get back to normal.  Because there is a God we woke up this morning to rain rain rain and temperatures in the 50's.  Thank you Lord !!!! There is an advantage to living up here with the crazy weather.  It gives me a chance to recover and have a lazy day blogging and reading.  

THANK YOU MIKE LINDELL

 In case you have been living in a closet these past several years and have not been watching TV you may not recognize Mike's name.  Those of us who watch Fox News ALL the time, (not true really, we do watch News Max, Wheel of Fortune and the local nightly news at 6 while we choke down dinner while watching reports of doom and gloom), are familiar with the smiling face of the "MY PILLOW" guy.  His commercials are on every ten seconds, or so it seems.  After watching Mr Mike for Oh so many years it gets you to thinking that maybe, just maybe, he may be on to something.  

Yes, I got sucked in and actually bought two of his pillows. (Buy one get one free . . .  who could resist ?) These would be the pillows that will change your life forever.  Not so much change my life but I do like these pillows.  The Man says they are too fat for his taste, (he sleeps with a piece of tissue under his head for a pillow. He likes his pillows thin as thin can be) but I like a pillow I can pound into shape depending on what position I am sleeping in.  (Side sleeping pillows require a totally different shape from a back sleeping pillow. Because I am the Queen of Sleep this is a science I have spent a great deal of time studying. If only I had spent this much time on Physics and Chemistry in college I might have gotten better grades.) 

After living with our new pillows for a couple of months I got thinking about all the other products my man Mike is selling.  I have more towels than I know what to do with but the Mattress Topper really did intrigue me.  You see my bed in Florida is a sleep number bed so depending on what my back is doing on any given night I can either make the matters more or less firm.  I love my bed !!!   The Man's bed in Michigan is another story. Last year he very generously invested in an adjustable bed. The bed vibrates and moves up and down and has lights under it, (our UBL is a joke between us . . . under bed light) and it even has 2  USB ports on either side of the frame so you can charge your phone or I pad while you sleep. What this lovely bed does not have is a soft mattress.  When The Man bought the bed, (sight unseen and purchased over the phone), the nice lady at the factory sales office asked if he wanted a hard or soft mattress. He chose hard, which is probably what I would have chosen also. What we didn't realize is that "hard" in this case is cement slab hard. There is a cushion top but it really doesn't do much in the way of fitting your form when you lay down.  We have slept on it all last summer while in MI but when I got thinking about Mike Lindell and his "Totally Change Your Life" Mattress Topper I decided to go for it! I mortgaged the house, sold my car and my first born and scrapped enough money together to order this bedroom wonder. (They are not cheap but according to the advertisement they WERE on SALE so I got it for half the regular price.  Our man Mike is not only a good salesman and creator of all things sleep related but he sure knows his marketing skills. I mean, who can resist a "Half Off" sale ???!!!!

The mattress topper arrived in Florida only a short time after I ordered it, another plus in the marketing and sales of Mike's company. I didn't want to have it sent to MI because we weren't going to be up there for another month and I couldn't wait to purchase it because it was on sale right then.  So it arrived in Florida and promptly got put into the trunk of The Man's car. It did take up a lot of space but we managed to fit The Mans twenty seven pairs of shoes all around it. When we got to MI I couldn't wait to get it on the bed but I had to wait until we got the new washer/dryer.  (The old ones had died just before we left MI in the fall and the new ones wouldn't arrive for another 4 days. I didn't want to strip the bed just to put the mattress topper on so we waited.)  

OH MY !!!!   It was worth the wait !!  

Mike Lindell is on to something and even if his products are quite over priced they are worth EVERY PENNY !!!  This Thursday the new washer/dryer arrived and was installed.  (I LOVE it . . .  it's a one unit washer on the bottom, dryer on the top and it is great!). We stripped the bed on Friday and put the new mattress topper on along with some nice clean sheets.  The Man took a three hour nap. He said the bed felt wonderful.  I held off until that night and I have to say I REALLY did sleep like a baby.  No Joke !  

The only problem now is that the damn bed is too comfortable and we are finding ourselves going to bed at 8:00 in the evening. We lie in bed and watch TV into the wee hours of the morning because the bed is now a lot more comfortable than the naugahyde chairs in the kitchen.  

I wonder if Mike Lindell has "chair toppers" for old kitchen chairs ?

FRESH AIR AND SHOES

It's Sunday so don't expect too much from my brain on this "day of rest" . . .   And it's Mother's Day too !!!

I woke up this morning to a bunch of text messages from friends and family wishing me a HappyMother's Day. That was nice !!!!  Keri and Steve and kids gave me my Mother's Day gift 2 weeks ago when they took me out for my birthday.  This summer they will be renting an RV and traveling up to the UP to see the sights and grandma.  Not necessarily in that order.  GREAT !!!!!!!   By then I will be in need of some grand kid hugs.      Kyle and Bridget and Abby sent me an herb garden that is now sitting outside on the back steps in the fleeting sunshine. I have to bring it in at night because it is still getting near or below freezing once the sun goes down.  It is a very happy looking little garden with Sage, Thyme and Rosemary  plants that are looking very happy in spite of traveling from where ever they were born to the wilds of Michigan. They do seem to be enjoying the fresh air and sunshine as much as I am today. 

In spite of the huge clouds that are moving in as the day progresses The Man and I managed to get about a half hour of sitting in the sun.  It felt WONDERFUL !!!  When I got up today The Man was sitting in his usual spot at the kitchen table looking out at his kingdom.  Because it has been so cold since our return The Man just assumed it was still freezing out side.  (The heat in the house was up to about 80 so anything below that would be considered cold in his world.  I might ask why he had to rush back to MI when it was 80 in Florida but that question shall remain un spoken. ). When I took my little herb garden out side to put it back in the sun I realized it was BEAUTIFUL out side.  The clouds had not yet moved in and the wind was at a minimum so the sunshine was hot.  I walked down to the garage and brought our zero gravity chairs up to the back of the house and talked The Man into going out for some fresh air.  The air up here is FRESH !  I love Florida and the smell of the salt air but UP air is something else. It has a wonderful smell all it's own so it was lovely sitting out there for the whole half hour before the clouds arrived and the temperature dropped 40 degrees.  HOLY CRAP !!!  When that sun goes behind a cloud it gets C O L D !! But at least I did get The Man out of the house and breathing some fresh air, which is probably what he needs more than anything.

Since we have been back The Man has been "Under The Weather". He exhausts himself traveling like a mad demon trying to "make time" rather than stopping to smell the roses along the way.  I've written about this before so you know my thoughts on it. And like every time we have made this drive The Man admits he needs to slow it down, let me drive and stop for more breaks but like every other time I know it isn't going to happen.  So this week has been a week of recovery and adjustment for both of us.  He started to get congested, (not a good thing for someone with end stage COPD), he was run down and feeling crappy.  We got him on some antibiotics and lots of rest so that he is now starting to feel better.  After sitting in this house for 6 days breathing in the dusty, hot, dry air that also has a faint tinge of propane gas laced through it, getting him outside today was a huge step in his recovery. 

(You may ask "WHY" does the house have a bit of propane gas filling the air . . .   Don't ask !  I have questioned this for 4 years and The Man's answer is ALWAYS,  "It's always been like that ", end of discussions.  The big old stove in the kitchen is a gas stove.  It leaks propane . . .   I know it, he knows it, but because neither he nor any of his family members have ever died from it he chooses to ignore it.  I open as many windows on as many days as I can so I have no fear of dying in my sleep but it is a concern to me.)

I am hoping that the weather continues to warm up and that The Man continues to gain his strength because we have a lot to get done around here. We have managed to empty the car and most of the stuff that we dragged here from Florida has been put away with one exception . . .  There are TWO BAGS of shoes that The Man brought TO and FROM Florida without ever wearing any of them.  The entire time we were in Florida The Man wore either his slippers or his one pair of sneakers. Why he felt the need to pack six other pairs of shoes is beyond me.  First of all . . .  The Man goes NO WHERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!  We do not go out to eat, we do not go out ANY PLACE with the exception of the West Palm Beach VA and when he goes there he always wears his sneakers.  Other than that The Man could remain butt naked and barefoot because no one will ever see him.  When friends come to visit The Man usually has his slippers on. (I have to tell you that since Jeanne and Frank gave The Man a pair of "Donald Trump" slippers The Man has not worn anything else on his feet when he is at home.). 

At this moment the two bags of shoes are sitting on the couch across the room from me and I can almost guarantee you they will still be sitting there five months from now when we return to Florida.  I think I may hide them in a closet and see if he ever looks for them.  I bet not !

SNOW "BIRDING" IS FOR THE BIRDS !

 I keep forgetting where I am . . .   not the actual physical location but all the "rules" that go with a particular place.  It's like when you were a kid and mom and dad took you to Grand ma's house for the day. There was a whole different set of rules at grand ma's than those rules set by your parents.  My grand kids always know that what happens at grand ma's stays at grand ma's.  At home you couldn't eat a cookie before or FOR lunch.  At grand ma's you can not only have a cookie for lunch but you can also have ice cream for dessert.  Different set of rules.

I forget that the same principal applies to Michigan residence and Florida residence.  Most "Snow Birds" keep two separate residences where they have complete wardrobes at each so very little needs to be moved when going from one place to the other.  It's a bit different for The Man and me because I consider Florida MY home and Michigan is HIS home.  Two entirely separate households that work in two totally separate ways. 

 First and foremost is the water situation in MI.  The water is from a well so it is very different from Florida water.  MI water is "slimy" and "smelly". I can never remember the differences between "hard" and "soft" water but which ever this is up here it is the complete opposite of the water I am used to from both New York and Florida.  When showering in either of those places your skin feels clean after a shower.  You know the term "Squeaky Clean" ?  Well that is how Florida and New York water makes you feel. Michigan well water makes you feel like you can't get the soap off your skin. I know it has to do with the one water not stripping the natural oils from your skin but it creeps me out. I don't like that "slimy" feel no less the faint sulphur smell that goes along with well water.  Up here I wind up standing in the shower twice as long trying to wash off the soap that I know really isn't what is making me feel slimy. That causes a problem because in Michigan there are no things as sewers . . .   all the wash water goes into a cesspool out in the yard so there is the constant concern that flushing too many times, taking long showers or washing dishes with more than a dribble of water are all going to fill up the cesspool.  In Florida I have a dish washer and I don't give a damn how many times a day I have to run it to keep my dishes and pots and pans clean.  Showers can last 20 minutes and I can run all the water in the sink that I want.  YES, I do pay for water and sewer services and I am more than happy to spend my entire stimulus check on both if it makes my life simpler and happier.  In Michigan the dish washer is named Cathie and I have learned how to wash dinner dishes in 2 inches or less of water. It may be disgusting but it keeps the man happy. (As a result of this we use paper plates ALL the time which I hate!) In Florida I can do twenty seven loads of laundry in a day if I choose but here I have to keep laundry to a minimum. I totally refuse to wear my underwear more than once in a week but there are things that I do want to throw into the wash every so often. The bath mats are in desperate need of washing. Towels and wash cloths and the comforter on the bed all need a good bath but I have to choose carefully what the priorities are. 

Trash up here also is an issue that is a pain in the butt.  We have a "burn bag" for anything and everything that can be burned in the fire pit in the yard. Trash is only picked up twice a MONTH so in order to keep from overflowing the garbage can that is all the way out by the road anything burnable is put in a separate bag that is then taken out on a not so windy day to burn. 

I'm thinking that Laura Ingalls in her Little House On The Prairie had it easier !  I guess I should be grateful that I don't have wild Indians running through the property.  

BUT I can work with all of the above . . .  it is the constant monitoring of what I can and can not post on Facebook that annoys me the most. I don't care for Facebook these days because of all the political nonsense they are pulling but I do understand that it is a nice means of keeping in touch with people. I have my circle of friends whom I speak with on a regular basis but then there are the bunches of nice people I have met over the years who enjoy following my adventures. (I only know this because they have told me so.) I have a friend in Windsor, England who I met many years ago when Husband and I were staying there for several months. I enjoy seeing her posts and she feels the same way about me. All the women from NY that I met through Girl Scouts, teaching, the church and neighborhood will comment on my posts. It's a nice way to keep in touch.  And so I DO post pictures along the way to keep everyone appraised of where I am and what I'm doing.  THAT IS A "NO NO" in Michigan.  It seems that there are people The Man doesn't want to know what "we" are doing. (As if I were posting hot and steamy porn.) Today he mentioned that he saw I had posted a picture of the eagles out by the pond welcoming us home.  One of the neighbors commented on it saying that they were glad we were home and they would stop by one of these days.  If it were me in Florida I would say, "wonderful !", but The Man is not happy. Admittedly he is still under the weather from the fast and furious drive from Florida to Michigan and it will probably take him another week or more to regain his energy. (That is a whole other story . . .  ). He doesn't want anyone coming over to "bother" him because he is under the weather.  Totally understandable so you send the neighbor a text and say exactly that. Don't ask me to not post something because the "wrong" people may see it.  Last I checked I was not in witness protection program and I could tell the world where I was and what I was doing. Within reason. Last year I couldn't post pictures of the deer because the fish and game warden might see them and know we were feeding the deer.  

Maybe then we would have to go into witness protection.  

STAY CALM !!!!!

 For once I am not talking about myself . . .  well I am in a round about way but the "Stay Calm" is referring to The Man.   This poor guy can get himself worked up over the smallest of things.  (Gee, does that sound familiar. Like I don't get frazzled when my tooth paste tube is almost empty or some other such idiotic thing.)  

Now that we are back on The Man's home turf I need to slow my impulses down and find other ways to channel my energy on those rare occasions that I actually have energy.  When in Michigan cleaning out closets and drawers needs to be done in Ninja mode and I need to remind myself of that.  When I am on my home turf in Florida I can clean and rearrange to my hearts content.   I DO love rainy days spent digging through long neglected spaces. I am like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean searching for lost gold. I really enjoy a good treasure hunt especially, if like my man Jack Sparrow, I happen to be drunk.  

BUT . .. I am not in my space and I am not drunk, yet, so I have to remember to respect The Man's crap.  It is not easy for me to do this.  Take today for example . . . It is the PERFECT day to dig through stuff.  It is way too cold for my tender bones to be outside and besides that,  I left my snow shoes home. It was actually SNOWING at 9AM when I dragged my bones out from the warm, snug bed. (The only reason I got up was because if I had stayed in bed I would have been in a warm WET bed.  When you've got to go, you've got to go.) I walked out into the kitchen and all I could see outside was a wall of white falling from the sky. If I didn't have to pee that bad I would have made a bee line back under the covers to wait another five weeks for spring to maybe arrive, 

Once I pulled myself back from thoughts of suicide I decided to make a hot breakfast for The Man and me. This easy task was complicated by the fact that in order to cook something hot I needed a frying pan and THAT is a major task in this kitchen.  Extracting a rare diamond from a mine in Africa would be less trouble than searching through a cabinet in The Man's kitchen.  The particular cabinet that holds pots and pans is extra difficult to get into because it is in a corner so it is very deep, very dark and very very very full ! MY instant reaction to this type of situation is to get down on my butt, sit on the floor and proceed to pull EVERYTHING and anything OUT of the space to access exactly what we are dealing with. That would happen if The Man were not sitting 8 feet away watching my every move. He is like one of the eagles that sit by the pond waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting fish in the pond. Those EAGLE EYES are watching so I have to suck up my impulses and just grab what ever pot or pan happens to be in arms reach.  There is nothing like frying an egg in a twelve gallon pot because that was the only thing I could get out of the cabinet! 

I really have to tread lightly today and probably for the next several days because I have used up my allotment of "cleaning out".  The first day we were back here I wanted to cook something and was in the kitchen looking for a wire whisk.  As soon as I opened the "utensil" draw The Man's radar went on high alert.  "What do you need?" was the question that sot across the room from The Man. When I told him I was looking for a wire whisk he said, "Oh, we have lots of those around here."  The fact that I had already looked in the twenty three usual hiding spots for kitchen items and found nothing told me he was wrong but I let him go with it. After he looked for a few minutes he proceeded to tell me that "someone" must have put them "somewhere". Translation . . .  "Catherine has been moving my shit again!"  He honestly thinks I am throwing out his stuff when he's not looking.  This would be a very valid assumption except I know just how hard it is for him to get rid of stuff so I DO NOT throw out anything. 

In the process of searching for the elusive whisk The Man took several items out of one of the many "utensil" drawers. This was just the opening I needed. As he went back to his seat at the kitchen table I continued to empty the drawer to see what else was in there.  This is something I have wanted to do for three years but The Man has always told me to leave it alone. He sat on his kitchen chair and gave me the eagle eye every time I removed an item.  When asked what I was doing I told him I wanted to wash the drawer since it was half empty already.  When everything was out of the drawer I got a large plastic container, of which there are many, and started putting all the things I didn't want into it.  Of course The Man immediately said, "What are you doing with all that?" I reassured him I was going to store the full container in the pantry so it would be accessible if we needed 72 Mellon ballers any time in the near future. That was good with him and I now have a utensil draw that contains a minimum of items.  One down, many more to go. 

What you need to understand here is that ALL the spaces in this house are JAM PACKED FULL !  I have mentioned this before. Closets, drawers, cabinets, attic and basement.  F U L L !!!!!!!!  It drives me NUTS!  I have decided I am more of a minimalist than a hoarder.  I enjoy getting rid of stuff where The Man enjoys holding on to everything.  Because I am now the one who is doing all the cooking and housework in this relationship I need things to be where I want them when I want them. I need/want to know exactly where a utensil is when I want it. Digging through 4 drawers, 6 cabinets and a closet does not work for me when all I want is a freaking spatula. Add to that The Man sitting at the kitchen table insisting that it "has to be there someplace" only makes me want to hit him with the five rolling pins that I have come across in my search for the spatula. 

Bottom line . . . I did get to clean out 2 of the kitchen drawers during this past week.  I am itching to spend an entire day tearing apart the remainder of the kitchen cabinets and drawers but we now have a small leak from one of the water lines going into the new washer that was delivered yesterday.  That has destroyed the man's day today !  It is not anything huge, the water valve to the washer is shut off until a plumber can get here on Monday but I had to send The Man to bed to calm him down. (Sort of like time out for a two year old!). Since The Man takes a nap every afternoon, especially after spending 4 days driving from Florida to here, he was happy to take my advice and lie down.  Any other time I would be tempted to get into some sort of cleaning out but I just can't do that to him today.  He is on overload already and I might just send him over the top if I'm not careful. 

JUST CALL ME "MISS KITTY"

 I may be freezing my butt off in Michigan but I know just where to go when it's too cold outside, other than getting on a plane and heading back to Florida.  I am sitting in the recliner in the parlor room right next to the big glass doors that face East.  The sun is actually visible today and it feels wonderful shining through the glass on my frozen body. I sitting here in the sun practically purring like a big old Cheshire Cat.  It's only 10:19 in the morning but the sun is pretty high in the sky so my "window" of opportunity will close shortly and I'll be left freezing again.  But that's not a problem because all I have to do is step through the French door into the main part of the house and I will be sitting in a sauna, minus the steam. The Man has the heat in the house cranked up to near 80 which makes me wonder why we bothered to leave Florida in the first place. 

The Man is back home after his mad dash to escape the heat and humidity of Florida. We have dashed straight out of the oven that is Florida and into the refrigerator that is the UP.  When we woke up this morning it was 31 degrees and the ground was covered in a blanket of white frost. That was all I needed to see before I dove back under the covers for another 2 hours.  This body DOES NOT DO COLD any more!

As I sit here in the sun the eagles are all sitting around the pond enjoying the fleeting rays of sun shine before the clouds move in. (At least it's not raining like the first 2 days here.). There have been as many as 17 eagles around the pond since we returned.  From this spot I can also see the barn and the back field. Running from the barn to the side property line are 4 posts on which are 4 blue bird houses.  The Man had 2 out there up until last year when I gave hime 2 more for his birthday. (He loves the Blue Birds) I happened to look up a few minutes ago and could see a large brown lump of something sitting on top of one of the bird houses.  (My distance vision is crap, even though I have my eyes examined each year I still can't see things clearly if they are more than 20 feet away.)  At first I thought it might be an eagle perched on top of the blue bird house but although the eagles will sit on the fence posts I have never seen one on any of the bird houses. As I tried to focus on what this brown lump was I decided it was Miss Kitty ! Sitting here in my pool of sunlight I feel like a big old cat, AKA "Miss Kitty", but do have a real "Miss Kitty" who continues to roam the property. 

About 4 years ago when I first came to The Man's house there was a small cat who would show up several times a day for food and tickles. The Man had adopted her when she first started hanging out around his house in the spring. He would never let her in the house but would put bologna and bread out for her along with any leftovers from his dinners.  The cat survived on this for a year, even managing to survive on her own the first winter we were in Florida together. Some where that first winter "Miss Kitty" got pregnant so when I returned to MI during the summer there had been a bunch of kittens which mysteriously disappeared except for one black and white one who wouldn't come near us.  By the end of the summer the first batch of kittens were gone and Miss Kitty was pregnant again.  That's a whole other story. Bottom line, one of the neighbors took all the kittens to the pound and had Miss Kitty spayed. That neighbor has since officially adopted her so Miss Kitty's official home is across the road but she loves to roam The Mans property looking for birds and mice. She is fatter every year we return to MI so obviously she is well fed and cared for by the neighbor but her instinct to hunt is still sharp as ever. 

So . . . . when I looked up a few minutes ago and saw the brown blob sitting on the bird house I knew it had to be our bad ass Miss Kitty out on a hunt. But that wasn't going to happen on my watch ! I threw on my jacket and stomped across the yard yelling at her all the way. (Seriously, in the back of my head I was thinking,"OH Crap, what if it's not the cat but a raccoon or something?", then what am I going to do?  I finally was close enough to see that it was indeed the infamous Miss Kitty perched quite contentedly right on top of the blue bird house just waiting for one of the birds to be dumb enough to try to fly in or out. As I got closer to her she had her back up and fur standing straight up until I called her by name. At that point she jumped down and started purring around my legs for me to pet her.  Damn cat almost killed me walking between my feet as we went back across the yard to the back steps to sit down and get reacquainted after a long winter.  

This is quite a unique cat.  She is as independent as any other cat I have know but she also knows exactly how to get what she wants. Earlier this morning she had been sitting on the steps outside the kitchen looking for love but we chose to ignore her. It was too cold for me to go out and sit on the cold concrete steps in order to pet a cat. So she went to plan "B". She knew if she was on top of the bird house I would come out to chase her so that's exactly what she did.  Once we were sitting outside on the back steps she rubbed and nudged me to give her a back rub and lots of scratches. The entire time I was petting her she was moving and shifting position. (She is not one to sit quietly in my lap.) I talked to her the entire time, mostly asking her about her winter and how she was doing.  When I commented that she must have had a very good winter because she was looking quite fat she turned around and bit me ! Damn cat !  I had to apologize and explain that I realized she looked larger because she still had on her LOVELY winter coat and was looking wonderful, FLUFFY not FAT !!  After my apology she continued to accept my petting for a few moments so I would know there were no hard feelings.  After that she just stood up and walked off around the side of the house without ever looking back.

She certainly put me in my place and has now established just who runs this place !  Smart ass cat !

DWAYNE'S HAPPY PLACE

 Well folks, we are back in the UP . . . Michigans very own version of no where.  The Upper Peninsula is a strange place because it really should be part of the state of Wisconsin because it is attached to Wisconsin not Michigan but who ever it belongs to it is home to The Man and it is a wonderful place to be in the summer. 

Did I say "SUMMER" ?  Summer in the UP consists of about two weeks some where between July and August. The two weeks do not necessarily show up all at once but Summer weather may amount to 14 days of sun and heat, some time during the span of two months if you are lucky. The rest of the time the weather reminds you more of Autumn than Summer.  I do think there may be about 2 days of Spring but I don't see that happening any time soon.

The weather that welcomed us "home" yesterday was pouring rain with temperatures in the mid 40's.  You can only imagine the shock that is to my body. It took me a hearty dose of Bayer Aspirin to get my aching bones to settle down enough to be able to help Gus empty the car.  (Gus is a the son of one of The Man's neighbors.  He is 15 years old and probably 6'2" tall and so wide around I can't get my arms half way around him. He is the NICEST boy EVER.  Smart, sweet, well mannered and friendly.  His parents have done an excellent job raising him.  I adore Gus!)  

We arrived "home" around noon and by 12:30 Gus was here to empty the car for us.  That boy carried in all our crap never missing a beat in telling me all that was going on in his life. . . family gatherings and parties mostly.  We dumped the contents of the well packed car on the floor of the parlor where it will sit until I get around to emptying all the bags and boxes.  (If I am going to spend the next 5 months here I am bringing all my comforts from home with me!). 

When we got here yesterday The Man pulled the car right up next to the back door so he could get his oxygen into the house. The back door leads into the kitchen where, two seconds after cranking up the heat and setting up his oxygen, The Man found his happy place. The man made a bee line to the red naugahyde kitchen chair that sits at the small kitchen table. From this vantage point The Man can view his kingdom. (This old chair might as well be a zillion dollar gold throne because it is worth all the money in the world to The Man.) Next to the chair are two beautiful glass doors that allow The Man to see the back of his property, the pond, the barn, the geese, the eagles, the deer and what ever other wild life that choose to visit on any given day. Yesterday the eagles were having a huge welcome home party for us. There were at least 10 of them out in the field with several more sitting by the pond and a few up in the trees across the field. Along with these majestic birds were two Canadian Geese who apparently have had their covid shots in order to get across the border into our country. The geese and the eagles we all enjoying a lovely cold shower in the rain. At one point a lone turkey decided to wander out of the woods to see what all the other birds were doing but because he was not wearing a mask  he was chased away by the geese.  (I guess turkeys are too far down in the pecking order for the eagles to even bother with them.) The topping to the day was just after dinner when a couple of deer wandered out of the woods on the far side of the field. 

The word has gotten out that we have returned.

And so The Man sat in his happy place for the remainder of the day, except for the 2 hour nap he took after eating some lunch.  He is HOME and he is HAPPY !  God bless him !