JET LAG

Can you get jet lag from Baltimore to West Palm Beach ?   Cause if this isn't jet lag that I'm feeling it must be that I am getting old and out of shape.

We spent an impromptu week in Southern Maryland babysitting Kaelin and Finn.  Or rather,  they took care of us.  Ger and I have not traveled further than Pompano Beach to see Smith. It's been almost a year since Ger's cancer diagnosis and it has been just about that long since we were in Maryland. Thank goodness our kids do travel to see us because I would be lost without seeing grand kids for that long. But travel has been put on hold and we have not even considered it until we were needed.  Keri's nanny had taken last week off and Steve had a conference scheduled for St. Louis for half the week. Without taking a lot of time off Keri was in a bind so it was grand ma and grand pa to the rescue. Ger really wasn't sure if he was up to the trip but he pulled himself together and off we went.  We had gone back to the surgeon on Friday and she cut open H's boil and pulled out the core so it would heal.  Poor H told everyone who would listen that he "HAD SOME SURGERY" before coming up to Maryland. I can only imagine what these folks thought but he was happy to have a story to tell. They probably were thinking he had a lobotomy because he really doesn't make much sense these days. I find myself biting my tongue and counting to about forty just so I won't "snap" at him. There is a lot of "UH HUH< SURE< OK< and YEA YEA's" in my vocabulary because I have pretty much stopped listening.  There was a "discussion" yesterday about who was coming to the house first thing in the morning. I didn't have anyone on my calendar but H insisted some repair person or something was coming. No One Came!
So combine a week of taking care of my 2 darlings AND Ger with a week of trying to keep up with H's ramblings and I am in a state of what we will fondly call JET LAG. I am hitting the pot pills any time now and sleeping something like 14 hours a night/day. I know that is not healthy but I don't care. Bottom line is I had a fabulous time with the kids and Keri but what I really want is a week with my BFF's from NY.  I need GIRL TALK and female therapy in the shape of wine, ice cream and laughter.

BOIL BUTT IS A PAIN IN THE ASS

I know I should not pick on H but seriously folks,  he is impossible.

The latest adventures revolve around his butt.  Not a nice topic for a blog but it involves OH so much more.  The poor guy got this boil on his "back". As usual I didn't find out about it until it was too late to do much of anything.  By the time I was allowed to see it the monster had grown to the size of a potato. (A little red potato, but a potato none the less.) Upon the advise of several friends and family and then the oncologist we soaked that sucker till it was looking more like a prune.  STILL NOTHING !  It finally started to crack open and then the fun started. The boil began to OOZZZZZZZZZZE !  Like crazy! So much so that I was doing 2 loads of laundry a day to get the nasty out of towels, pants and shirts. Where ever H sat there was a puddle of ooze left behind. I had a bunch of plastic pads left over from our days with Papa Danny so I started putting them on the bed and chair. The soaking adventures continued but this thing had a mind of its own. It probably had a bigger mind than H. I was fighting a loosing battle with a 2 year old and a monster boil and I wasn't winning!  Not even close!
I would try to H to soak in the tub but that was a no go. Not a clue why but the man would not sit in the tub.  I tried to soak the boil a couple of times a day but that was too much of a bother for him. I considered taking a kitchen knife to "it" or him but I managed to control myself.

Finally, yesterday, after 2 visits to a surgeon, the doctor cut that beast open and got out the core. While this whole "operation" was under way in the doctors office H was laying on a table trying to figure out what side he needed to lay on. He can't remember where the boil is!  (How can you not know where this elephant is on your butt ???  It is the size of Rhode Island but you can't remember where it is????)

Calm . . . . .  So the doctor tried to numb the area and clean this up as much as possible. I was standing next to H with my hand on his arm so he would feel calm.  I was told by him to stop touching him and just leave him alone.  I moved away but was watching his face.  I thought he was in major pain from the scrunched up face and grimaces.  Later he told me he could feel tugging, no pain.  I hope he never does feel pain cause I can't imagine how he would react to that.
So the beast is cut, packed and covered. I get to take the dressing off tomorrow and take out the packing.  Not looking forward to that just because of the production it will become. Maybe I'll do it by flash lite while he is sleeping.  Oh, no that won't work because he keeps sleeping ON his back, just like the doctor told him not to.

GODZILLA ATTACKS SOUTH FLORIDA MAN

This is the headline for Ger's day today.  I leave him alone for 2 hours and all hell breaks loose!

A couple of weeks ago H told  me he was sitting on the lanai when a HUGE lizard came walking across the floor. "IT WAS HUGE!" said H with arms outstretched. (Seriously?) "REALLY" insisted H, "It was bigger than anything I have ever seen".

WE have been living down here going on 9 years and if there is anything in abundance in South Florida, it is lizards. Call them cameleons if you will because they do change color depending on where they are sitting. Some folks call them newts or geckos but we just call the little suckers, lizards. Usually they range from about 3 - 6 inches long but we have seen some larger ones. Those are usually the "curly tails". They are similar to the little lizards but larger and with tails that curl up over their backs sort of like a scorpion.  As far as we know they are all quite harmless and love to eat bugs so I say, "come on in and have a feast".  I would rather have lizards than bugs. If the poor things do get into the house it is usually a death sentence for them as we have a very good bug service that comes once a month to spray the entire house to kill anything that may be living in here. The lizards aren't affected by the spray but when all the bugs die there goes the food source for the lizards so they shrivel up and die. Nothing like opening a closet to find the flattened, emaciated remains of a lizard.

Back to today . . .   I went out this afternoon and called H to tell him I would be a little longer than I thought. He was a bit pissy but I attributed it to the fact that I was leaving him longer than expected. NOT ! When I arrived home the first thing H had to show me was his bruised and skinned knee. (He had said he was going to go for a walk so I thought he had lost his balance and fell. Fortunately that was not the case. His balance was fine.)  This is the story I got:

H was walking into the den to watch TV when he saw GODZILLA sitting in a patch of sun on the floor. (I shall call the poor creature Godzilla because Ger's description of the poor thing matches the gigantic beast of Japan better than anything I could think of.) So, there sat Godzilla and there stood husband. H decides to go get one of the small nets that we have to clean the pool. He came up to said monster and slams the net down on it. This is where the story gets a little surreal . . .  As H slams the net down his foot slips out from under him and he goes down on one knee. Luckily he keeps the net on Godzilla. There apparently was THRASHING AND WRITHING AND ROLLING "like an alligator". (Where H has ever seen an alligator do any of the above is beyond me because any gators we see are usually sleeping or floating lazily around in the lake.) Any way . .  . the beast fought "like an alligator" and managed to slip its way out from under the net. (There was no mention of what H was doing at the time but I would bet the house he was screaming like a girl!) Once the creature escaped it ran like hell under the couch and hasn't been seen since.

But that is not the end of this story. H is sitting in his chair in the den, feet UP, watching like a hawk for the reappearance of Godzilla. I figure by now the poor thing has died of a heart attack and will never be  seen again.  If it is some place in the house it is going to be in big trouble as I am planning on closing the house up tonight and turning the AC back on. Temps are going up  to the mid to high 80's tomorrow and that calls for AC. Once the door shut Godzilla is stuck with no way out and no food.

EXCEPT . . .  I can just picture opening my  suitcase in Maryland next week and having Godzilla pop out !  Hope he likes stink bugs cause that's what lives by Keri.

ANGER MANAGEMENT

I just spent the last half hour KICKING SOME BUTT !  Well, more like kicking some water.
It has been a VERY frustrating morning with Husband. (NO wonder I sleep 12 hours a night!)  I got up to find H missing. The TV was on, Fox News was blaring but Husband was missing.  I went looking and found him in the bathroom. It seems that some one has been plugged up for THREE days and has done NOTHING about it. (Deep breath's Cath, deep breaths!)  We have a doctor appointment at 3:00. It is now noon and H has sat around since 9 doing nothing. I suggested taking some action but he didn't want to because we were going out at 3. (Really deep breaths, Cath. Really deep breaths!)

Bottom line Husband did listen to my suggestions and within an hour all is back to normal. All except my blood pressure, head ache and ulcer.  As I begged GOD to please, please help me to be strong and not kill this man I am living with a thought popped into my head. "EXERCISE!"  Now if you know me this is the LAST thing in Heaven or on Earth that I am going to think of. But there it was, "EXERCISE".

I am a firm believer in THE HOLY SPIRIT and pray to the Spirit many many times a day.  God gets my attention in the morning and at night but during the day it is always the Holy Spirit that I turn to when I need calming, strength and peace. I will sometimes send my Guardian Angel to the Holy Spirit with a message but more often than not it is a direct cry for help to the Holy Spirit.   Years ago I discovered this amazing ability to actually feel calm and serenity pour over me. As you might imagine I use this power many times a day. So today when the thought of exercise entered my head I went with it. I put on my bathing suit and headed for our pool. Water 79 degrees was perfect for what I had in mind. I punched the hell out of that pool. A couple of thousand gallons of water is the perfect medium to release some anger and frustration.  Kicking, punching and some under water screaming really did save Husbands life today.

Thanks for the idea HS.  I will be sure to use this more often now that you have put the idea in my head. And who knows, it may even loosen up some of those knots in my back and knock off a pound or two.

It's a win win !

THE PRAYER ROOM

Every home has one.  In fact you may have several in your home. My prayer room may look a lot like the bathroom but it is in fact the room that I go to in order to pray.  More likely than not I am calmly walking into the bathroom, slowly shutting the door, turning on the exhaust fan and then screaming, "GOD HELP ME!".  This often happens several times a day and Ger thinks because I am going to the bathroom so often that I need to see a urologist. When in fact I just need a divorce!

The prayer room is a necessary spot where I can go to be ALONE. And it is a place that I can count on not being interrupted. It also affords me the privacy to talk to GOD without being overheard because it is the only room in the house with a loud exhaust fan. I can talk to God in my head and that is  my usual way of discussing things with THE BIG GUY but there are times when I need to have a chat with my Guardian Angel and in case you didn't know, those have to be discussed out loud.  Guardian Angels cannot hear your thoughts so you must speak out loud to talk to them. So far my angel has never responded in words but I know he/she is there and sometimes I just need to vent. And so off to the WC I go, on goes the fan and the conversation usually goes something like this:

Me:  "Maggs?  Are you there?"   (I named my angel Maggs the Magnificant)
Me:   "Well, here I am again, pissing and moaning about this man I live with. He is driving me NUTS! What does God expect of me? I am far from being a saint and sure as hell am never going to be a saint as long as I have to put up with this crap. I really don't want to burn in Hell for eternity but honestly, I can't take this much longer. "
From this point I launch into the event of the day, which my angel is fully aware of but it really does help to re hash it a few times over. Today's incidence was when Ger told me he couldn't soak his back because the bandage was still on the boil. When I asked why he didn't take the bandage off he told me he couldn't SEE it to get it off. "Have you never thought of looking in the mirror?" I asked. Husband's response . . . . (seriously, this is what he said!) . . . " I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT."

I was in the bathroom for an hour today . . .  

RECIPE FOR A REALLY NICE DAY

It all begins with having a really good night's sleep! And in order to achieve there are a few things required.  First and foremost is to get your own ROOM.  Not just your own bed, but an entire room all to yourself.  Preferably with a TV and bathroom but those aren't as important as the door that can be shut so you have total peace and quiet.  Get your comfy clothes on, grab your favorite pillow and settle in for a long, quiet, uninterrupted sleep. No snores, no grunts, no farts, no stealing the covers. just QUIET!  Next take a healthy dose of a strong night time cold medicine. Who cares if you have a cold or not, just take the medicine so it will knock you out and settle under those covers.  If you need to kill some time till the drugs kick in watch some stupid TV. Swamp People or River Monsters are two particular favorites of mine but pretty much anything on cable TV will do.  When your ready to sleep click that TV off and happy dreams. I slept 12 hours last night and felt wonderful today. Still have the cold, nose is still clogging up but I don't feel as lousy.

Step two to having a really nice day is to go to a movie. I LOVE MOVIES !  I think the only person who loves movies more than me is our friend Frank. That man can quote whole scenes from just about any movie you mention. Most movies just go in my head and out again but I really enjoy them in the moment.  Today we went to see "42", The Jackie Robinson story.  LOVED IT !!  I did not expect to enjoy this movie as much as I did but it really was good!  A must see if you get the chance. Or on DVD is fine too. A very good tale!

After the movie it is a must to go have a nice lunch some where and then go sit by your pool for the remainder of the day.

A REALLY NICE DAY !

GENTLEMEN STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER

Now I know for sure you are all glued to reading this but I am serious guys,  this is for the Ladies out there and you guys just won't be able to relate. Go get a beer and check out ESPN for a few and you can return to this tomorrow.

OK girls . . .  who out there HATES their underwear? ????   Not like you don't like the texture or design but just the idea that society tells you that you HAVE to wear it.  I know it ain't pretty to look at those WALMART photos of the worst dressed people in the world, especially the ones showing those well endowed women who had decided to hell with what society says and have chosen to go wild and free. Those are some visions you have burned into your brain that you really really don't want there but a tiny part of you says, "Hey, that sure looks comfy!"

The older I get the less I like underwear. Tops, bottoms, it's all the same. Squish it in, hold them up, pinching here and chaffing there. Underwear is a literal PAIN!  I have ruts, actual indentations, in my shoulders from wearing a bra all these years. Something I know you tiny little things just can't understand. But when God see fit to "Bless You" with a little extra to fill and over flow your bra, rather than give you the will power to stop eating everything in sight, well, things get heavy! It's like carrying 2 bowling balls around your neck. Your whole body stoops forward, your spine bends a little more and things left free can get out of control before you know it.

I grew up in the "BURN YOUR BRA" generation. Only trouble was that at that time I was one of the few teenagers who did not yet have a bra. Talk about mortifying experiences . . .  8th grade home ec . . Having to create from scratch your own graduation dress. I'm sure I have written about this before as it is one of the many traumatic events of my youth. There were about 35 girls all running around in their various stages of undress trying on their creations. Most, if not all, had reached puberty and we wearing bras. Guess who was still in an undershirt!  My poor mother had to buy me a bra just so I wouldn't look out of place. I had nothing to go in the bra but at least I looked like one of the gang.(Unfortunately that could not be said for my pitiful excuse for a dress).  It wasn't until quite some time later that my body decided to bloom. It continues to bloom till this day! (I like to think I am blooming rather than gaining) But at that time I couldn't wait! What the hell was I thinking???  UGH!  Now I just want to be that little old lady who sits around all day in her house coat and no underwear. I mean, seriously, who ever designed these things ? And I am NOT talking about those darling little frilly things seen at Victoria's Secret. I think the secret is that you have to be a size 2 to wear those things. I have yet to find a 42 H any where in the store. If the entire country is leaning toward obesity WHY don't manufactures make BIG underwear more accessible? AND ATTRACTIVE??  All I can find to wear is "Old Lady Tidy Whiteys". Practical and Plain. If I have to wear the damn things at least make it fun for me. Oh, I know I can search the Internet and find someone out there selling "pretty" elephant size underwear but I don't want to mortgage my house to buy them. It's just much easier to go without.

But the down side to being "FREE" is that I cannot leave the house and Heaven forbid the door bell rings  Ger is going to get trampled as I make a mad dash for the bathroom or nearest closet where I will stay until who ever is at the door goes away. I don't want the responsibility of giving my neighbor or the UPS man a heart attack because I opened the door swinging wild and free. It's not attractive . . .  take my word for it, not pretty at all!  BUT IT IS COMFORTABLE !!

And isn't that what life should be about?  Comfort ! The number one desire of the retiree.  WE don't have to get up in the morning. We don't have to go anywhere we don't want to. We want to 'LIVE COMFORTABLY" and I have taken that literally. If I am going to be out and about my home for the day I will put on a bathing suit top. That's the next best thing to wild and free. But come 5 PM the girls are let out for the night and come hell or high water I am not getting dressed unless it is absolutely necessary.

And that  my friends is why Senior Citizens don't go out at night! That is why we go to Early Bird specials at the restaurant. That is why you will never find ME inviting guests in for cocktails at 7. It has nothing to do with going to bed early, it's ALL about the underwear!  By 5PM the girls need their freedom and the underwear has to go. I know you all feel the same way. It's the first thing that goes on when my BFF's get together for a night. Out comes the wine and or ice cream and off comes the bra.

TRY IT . . . YOU'LL LIKE IT !!

SPARE ME THE EXPLANATION

Earth to Mars . . .  Come in Mars . . . I'm talking to YOU!

How quickly they forget . . . Remember a couple of months ago I was telling you how H finally is appreciating all that I do . . . Well, it seems his short term memory is as bad as my self control when it comes to dessert . . . It just does not exist!
Once again I am finding myself wondering what alternative universe I have been sent to. Thoughtful and kind has been replaced with "shit for brains". There is not a single ounce of common sense left in the mans head. Blame it on the chemo or blame it on age  or blame it on the moon and the stars, what ever the cause H has no brain left! ( the only thing we can't blame it on are the pot pills which remain sitting on a shelf in the fridge. I swear H counts them daily just to make sure I am not treating myself to any. I wouldn't be writing this blog if I was taking them!)
So the latest WTF is a Huge humongous "boil" on H's side.  I have no idea how long it has been brewing but I was "allowed" to know about it a week ago. It was RED and nasty looking then and it is larger and nastier now. I called the oncologist right away and she saw H on Friday. She put H on a strong antibiotic with the hopes of killing the damn thing before it erupts like the movie ALIEN. (The thing is big enough to be holding something the size of a Volkswagen.) So H is taking his meds BUT, here's where the shit for brains comes in . . .  The THING is right on Husbands waist and his belt rubs on it causing it to be even more irritated. Ladies, what would you do?  Did I hear you say, "Stop wearing a belt!" YES! Of course. I would be wearing the baggiest pair of pants that I had just to keep them from touching that sore spot. NOT HUSBAND! He insists on wearing the thickest, most stiff belt that he can find. And he insists on wearing it right over the boil. Hells bells, have you seen Justin Bieber lately with his pants down almost to his knees? H could easily fit into the whole fashion trend of baggy, butt hanging drawers but he insists on that big heavy belt. Needless to say the THING is getting nastier by the hour and at this rate will probably have to be lanced by the end of the week. I suggested sitting with a hot compress on it while he is watching TV. Are you ready for this . . .  H did not know how to "do that" !  He spent all day saying "Ouch" every time he moved but not once did he put anything on the THING or remove his belt. Not until he was getting ready for bed did he decide he should soak it a bit. I followed the trail of water on the floor only to find H sitting on the edge of the bed  with a soaking wet wash cloth and the water in the sink running.
I think I may suggest he soak his head for an hour or two.

IT WAS A GUANNABANA DAY

The sky was clear blue today. Temperature around eighty. Slight breeze and birds singing.  Just the sort of day where you couldn't bear to be inside. And because it was Sunday Kent and Kristen were off so they made a road trip to grandma and grandpa's. Smith fell asleep in the car on the way up so he was in good spirits and all the adults were HUNGRY!  A perfect day for Guannabamas. (Gwa-NA-bon-ahs).
If you have visited with us for any length of time you already know about the restaurant in the jungle but for the rest of you let me tell you about one of my favorite spots.
The place opened about 6 years ago and we kept hearing about this new restaurant that was all outside under the trees along the Loxahachee River. It took us about 3years to get up the interest to give it a try and then it took us several months to actually find it. If not for the traffic cones that they put in the street we would still be driving around searching for it. It has no parking so you drive in a circular drive under the trees and hand your car over to the valet. Then it is a walk along the wooden board walk to the tiki hut to sign in and wait for your table.  There are high top tables to sit at if you don't care to wait but getting a table right on the river is worth the wait.
Today was Kent and family's first trip there and we had the best table in the jungle. Smith got to play with the lizards climbing on the wall as we watched all the boats and paddle boarders float by. Kristen was delighted with the place and decided she could spend a day sitting there enjoying the scenery.  The food is good. I happen to like it a lot. Ger not so much. Today Kent had a burger and Kristen and I had delicious pulled pork sandwiches. Smith seemed to enjoy his hot dog. Personally I could be eating dog food and wouldn't mind in the least because the location is everything. It was a wonderful start to the day.
When we go back home we all headed to the heated pool to let Smith demonstrate his swimming skills.  The boy is a fish and can jump off the edge of the pool and swim, kicking and stroking his way half way across the pool.  Move over  it cousins, Smith will keep up with you in the pool!
Grandpa has been in bed for 3 hours and I am about to fall asleep any second. It was a super good day!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I love birthdays !   I loved birthdays as a kid and I still love birthdays no matter what the number is that is attached to the day.  The number keeps getting bigger but who cares. It is only a number and given the fact that birthdays are a reason to celebrate I am all for them. And the idea of celebrating for a couple of weeks is even better.
I love that cards arrive for days before my day and continue to come for days after.  All sorts of cards from prayers to jokes to the extra classy one from sister in law Joan. There was even a e card from Kathy and Jim, not to mention all the birthday wishes on Facebook.  BUT .. . none of the cards could come close to the video from Smith, the home made cards from Abby and Roman or the dozen or so pictures that Finn and Kaelin sent along with a home made sun catcher mobile.  It just doesn't get better than that.  Although the store bought card that Smith picked out did crack me up.  It was a picture of a fish wearing a party hat. Inside it said I was getting a (are you sitting down?), BIRTHDAY COD !
So much for the cards and gifts . . . The party continued with a night out at the theatre. Ger and I went to West Palm Beach's Kravis theatre to see SHEN YUN, an evening of Chinese dance depicting the history of China.  Lovely costumes but I had hoped for more. It was a good night out and a test for Ger to see how he would handle a late nit.  He did great!
Wednesday Ger and I continued to celebrate with a drive down to Kent's to go to a Mets Marlins baseball game with Kent and Smith. We had not been to the new indoor stadium so that in itself was a treat to not be sitting in the broiling sun, or in Wednesday's case, the pouring rain. Any time spent with Kent and Smith is a party and this proved to be fun fun fun ! The Marlins won, much to Kent's disappointment but it made the crowd all the more charged up.
Yesterday and today we have dined out so that is a good birthday gift. The gorgeous basket of flowers that Kyle and family sent last week are STILL looking as frest as the day they arrived but he chocolate covered bananas and strawberries that Sharon and Bob sent are long gone. Have you evere eaten a chocolate covered banana?  OH MAMMA ! They are fantastic! Thanks Sharon!
I should mention that when Ger and I were out dining and tripping the life fantastic I was wearing my beautiful new silver necklace that Jeanne sent AND  either of the two pairs of earrings that Ann Marie sent.  I am the best dressed birthday girl in the neighborhood.