GETTING UP MY DANDER

Oh the joy of being a Senior Citizen ! If we're going to live longer and have to put up with all the aches and pains and loss of dignity that "older" age brings than there damn well better be some perks and getting up our dander is one of those perks. You wonder why "Seniors" are so damn nasty, well try living with knees that hurt like hell so you can't stand or walk and hemorrhoids that won't let you sit comfortably for more than two seconds so you don't know whether to sit or stand. It seems that laying down is the only position you are comfortable in but the effort of getting in to or out of that position takes way too long so you really don't want to go there either. The effort of getting comfortable is so strenuous that you are so focused on the fact that nothing hurts so when someone breaks that focus to ask you something you just want to punch them in the face.

Add to all this A PROBLEM. Any problem . . . a hangnail, a tooth ache, an ear ache. Now you have to go to a specialist that is going to zero in on that one little area of your body that is giving you grief above and beyond all the little every day crap that you are putting up with. We've got the knees under control, the hemorrhoids are behaving, the feet are happy for the moment, the teeth have been cleaned, the skin has had it's yearly once over . . . all systems GO . . . except for the stupid ears that will NOT stop clogging up with gunk on the inside. No wax, clean as a whistle on the outside but something is going on in my sinuses causing them to manufacture massive amounts of GUNK. For some reason since Grey shared her head cold with me over a month ago I have not been able to get my head to stop producing what ever the hell it is producing and sending into my sinus, nose and throat. i wake up 20 time a night clearing my throat, coughing and hacking. I have been to my GP three times and he says there is NOTHING he can do. (HUM?)  I have tried nasal spray, allergy pills, decongestants, and Musinex. NOTHING ! And so on Friday I went to a new ENT at the recommendation of my GP.  This was to be the last hope. The final frontier. My Savior.  SHE TOLD ME I HAD NERVE DAMAGE AND TRIED TO SELL ME HEARING AIDS !!   That got my dander up !!!  In spite of the fact that every time I swallow my ears crackle this woman doctor ( QUACK QUACK QUACK!) insisted my ears were clear and i had nerve damage and that was why I can not hear.  I can feel the fluid flow from one tube to another when I lay on my side and turn over and yet she insists my ears are clear.!  She never looked in my sinuses. (QUACK QUACK QUACK) I kept saying, "But my ears are crackling!" and she kept saying, "Well, I don't know about that but you need hearing aids." I was so FREAKING PISSED. I tore up her card, scratched her name out of my phone book and am spreading bad bad karma about her to all I meet.

Don't mess with a hurtin' Senior Citizen.  I'll call my old EN tomorrow and see what he has to say.  I do think a month and a half is a bit long to be dealing with this nonsense.

GEORGE ? IS THAT YOU ?

George has been calling me.  I don't know George. In fact I don't know anyone by the name of George.  My grand nephew Thomas used to call Gerry "Uncle George" because he couldn't remember the name, Gerard but other than that I haven't known anyone named George since my own Uncle George passed away quite a few years ago. And my Uncle George did NOT speak with a distinct INDIAN accent. The George who is calling me is definitely from the country of India.

George has been calling me for many months now wanting to discuss my computer with me. He calls every few days to tell me my computer has a "VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM" (said with a very serious Indian accent please) At first George started out by telling me my "PC" had a very serious problem. After me telling him over and over that I owned a MAC not a PC George finally got that part of his little scam straight and now just tells me "my computer" has a serious problem".  George then tries to sell me some soft ware to cure the problem. This is usually where I hang up.

Now George is getting more ingenious.  Yesterday Sharon was using my computer when all of a sudden there came warning bells and sirens and flashing pop ups warning that my computer was infected with a virus. We should immediately call a number on the screen.  Guess who answered the phone when we called ???????  You guessed it ! GEORGE !  Or at least it sure sounded like George. (All those guys sound the same)  All I had to do was press a few keys and give control of my computer over to them and . . . . . That's when I did force quit and hung up.

I called Geek Squad this morning and am having an AMERICAN Tech come and clean up my computer tomorrow while I watch him. It may cost me a few bucks but at least he will speak English and I trust him. When George called later to tell me my computer was infected with a virus I told him it was being taken care of by a good old American boy, Thank You very much and George should never call my house again, EVER !    F U GEORGE AND THE CAMEL YOU RODE IN ON !  And if that's not politically correct I just don't give a damn !   Leave my damn computer alone !

GER'S ON MORE LISTS

I've mentioned to you the list I made before Ger died of all the things I would NOT  miss once the dear man passed on.  How strange it is that I actually DO miss his "snarkiness" , at times, just because it let me know he cared. ( How ever bizarre that is!) But in general, I do NOT miss most of the things that I had placed on that initial list of "Things I Will Not Miss". But at that time of watching and waiting for Ger to loose his battle with cancer I never wanted to make a list of the things I WOULD miss once he was gone. First of all, that was way to painful to even contemplate and secondly it would have been impossible to even consider at that time. And even if I had thought about it I would NEVER have come up with some of the things that are entering into my mind these days. For example:

GARDENING . . .    If you had said to me, "OH Cathie, When Gerry dies, you are going to be so lost without him because of ALL the gardening he does for you."

 I probably would have hit you with a brick and run you over with my car after I stopped laughing hysterically for a week or two.  GARDENING ????????   GARDENING ???????   Are you FREAKING CRAZY ?????   Gerry never gardened a day in his whole life !!!   Oh, Wait.  Are you thinking of THE tomato plant ?  The one and only tomato plant that was Ger's claim to fame ? The one tomato plant that we would buy him each year once he moved to Florida so he would have SOMETHING to get him out of the house and away from Fox News. THAT, tomato plant ?  Is THAT what you are thinking of when you think garden and Ger in the same sentence ? That one plant was Ger's only rally into the world of gardening. BUT . . .   just this morning I decided to get a jump on some trimming of some border plants out front. They have a tendency to go berserk this time of year and without some attention will totally cover the entire front walk. Ger loved to point this out to me each time we left and entered the front of the house. (God forbid he would ever pick up the trimmer and go out to trim them himself but he was great at reminding me the plants were in need of cutting back.) And so I woke up with this thought in mind and as I sat there ripping and cutting it occurred to me I missed Ger's help. Because THIS is where he would show up with the big green garbage can and a rake and start to pick up all the clippings and toss them in the garbage bin to put them out on Thursday when it was clipping day for the garbage pick up. I never had to worry about the clean up. Ger was always there for me to do that. I never had to ask, he just showed up. Come Thursday, the garbage can was out by the curb, again no need to mention it.  I always did say "Thank You" but I kind of wish I had said it with a hug !

It's amazing the things you miss when you didn't even realize they were there.   THANKS GER !

THE CASE OF THE MISSING BRUSEL SPROUTS

The was a  major crisis in my kitchen just a few moments ago.  I was making some lunch and had decided to have some brussel sprouts with my fish but for the life of me could not find the little cabbages anywhere. Note that this is a vegetable that has NEVER been found in my home for as long as I have been alive. First because I never knew what the heck these funny little things were because I had never had them as a child and second because once I found out what they were I thought they were pretty disgusting.  Thirdly, Gerry would NOT even entertain the thought of putting a brussel sprout on his plate never mind into his mouth. Thus they never entered our home. Then something weird happened . I tried eating a brussel sprout in a restaurant where they actually did something with it rather than just boil it. They saute it, added spices, added wine, added butter . . . WHOA !  Whole new culinary experience !  Those little suckers actually tasted GOOD !  Then low and behold Kyle and Bridget cooked brussel sprouts for me and THEY were FABULOUS !  I have now fallen in love with little cabbages ! So when I had my taste buds all set for tiny cabbages for lunch I was devastated to find my brussel sprouts were  . . .  TA DA . . .    MISSING !!!!!!!!!!!!

OH  NO  !!!  What dastardly fiend has stolen my brussel sprouts ??????   Was it one of my friends, who upon entering my home and smelling the delectable smell of roasting sprouts snatched the remaining half bag of uncooked orbs and made a fast getaway with them ??  Or did I some how mistakenly toss the half bag of unused little darlings into the trash when hurriedly cleaning up the kitchen the last time I cooked ?  Or had some ravenous beast snuck into my house only to steal the half bag of crunchy little green gobs of goodness ?  . . .   OH bother . . .  where could they be ?  I tore apart the fridge to no avail and then realized I had frozen the remaining sprouts figuring it would be a better way of keeping them for a long amount of time since it is always a hit or miss deal as to whether I will be cooking or not on any given day.  Sure enough, There they were, sitting right on the freezer shelf where I had left them looking like a bag of eyeballs just waiting for a Halloween party.  They are now roasting away, smelling just delish and making me really really glad that I found them.

I cannot believe the foods I have found myself eating since Gerry has left the building. I know for a fact he is sitting in Heaven looking down saying, THANK YOU GOD FOR TAKING ME WHEN YOU DID !

THE UNDER THE BED BOX

I am assuming EVERYONE has an,"under the bed box. You know, it's that box where you store all those clothes that don't fit you any more. I guess some people just leave those clothes in their closet if you have a really big closet. Or maybe you toss them up on a shelf in your closet. Or in a corner of your closet ? Maybe you stick them in a bag and stuff them in the attic or the basement! Heaven knows there are those rare few who NEVER change size and are still wearing the same clothes they wore in high school ! ACK !  I change size about as often as I change my socks !  Thus the need for the handy dandy under-the-bed-box ! (Actually that should be plural and multiplied to the 100 degree!) I have boxes of clothes stashed every where! Under the bed, in the hall closet, in the guest bedroom closet AND under the guest bed AND in the garage.

Now, give me an entire summer of heat over 95 degrees and RAIN EVERY FREAKING DAY for THREE FREAKING MONTHS and guess what I have gotten into ?  YUP ! The BOXES !!!!!!!  That combined with the fact that I am no longer cooking 47 meals a day for two I seem to be loosing some weight so I now have some interest in looking into these looooooooong forgotten boxes. I think the last time they were opened was when we moved into the house back in 2004, eleven years ago. I couldn't fit into these clothes then so let's see what's happening now.

As luck would have it, just as I am having a good old time for myself discovering a whole new wardrobe my dryer breaks so I cannot launder any of these musty old things. But let that not deter me from a new fashion high. I am washing things a few at a time, hanging them to dry on my ceiling fan and letting the AC do the rest.  My mom would be so proud of me. I always did have a creative spirit.

Now there are only 2 problems left.  I need a revival of the fashions of the 90's and I need the rain to stop so I can strut my stuff OUT SIDE of my house !

HAIR RAISING * * * OR NOT

 I have been cutting my own hair since I was 12 years old.  I can now envision many of you sitting there nodding your heads muttering, "Ahhhh,  so that explains why she always looks like that."

 It was a matter of survival.   My mom was a frugal woman. We didn't have money to spare and she made the most of the few dollars we had.  We walked to the grocery that had the best buy on vegetables that week and the butcher saved bones for us so mom could make soup from them. I went to the barber shop to get my hair cut. That was an expense. There were no such things as "salons" like there are these days. Back in the 40's and 50's only people with money had their hair "done" at a salon. And even to have your hair cut by the barber was considered an extravagance. But I guess my mom drew the line at her one and only daughter looking too much like a freak by having my dad or grand father chop at my hair. Not that I considered what the barber was doing much of an improvement.

 I always had visions of long flowing locks. The whole Cinderella image was big at the time. Princesses weren't what they are today but Cinderella was pretty big and Alice in Wonderland with her long blond hair  .  .  .  Really, what little girl wouldn't want that look ?  Only one problem!  My hair refused to grow straight and flowing. The minute it got longer than an inch and a half it started getting wavy and curling all around and no matter what I wanted it to do it had a mind of its own. No amount of brushing or pulling at it would make it go straight and rather than look like Alice in Wonderland I quite resembled the Mad Hatter. So much for that attempt at beauty. My mother quickly realized long hair was not the way to go for her daughter, especially between the ages of about four and eight when the combing and styling of a child's hair are still left to the care of the mother. My mother, having the care and feeding of the two old grandpa's and my father, who as wonderful a man as he was did pretty much nothing for him self in the way of care and feeding. So trying to catch and "primp" the tangled masses of my unruly head of knots was not a barrel of laughs for either my mom or  myself. I must have totally blocked these memories out because all I do remember is our infrequent trips to the barber shop, sitting in the lion chair to get my hair cut as short as possible and yet still be recognized as a girl and then being rewarded with a lollipop. (The barber was a long walk , I imagine it must have been about a mile, into the main shopping area. He had a seat that almost looked like a lion from a carousel but you sat inside it. It was such a treat that it encouraged you to sit still.  I remember getting too big to sit in it and being so disappointed.)  All those years of going to the barber shop with my mom, she would get her hair cut and then I would get mine cut the same short cut. I remember one year when I was about 10 the barber telling my mother what a beautiful girl I was. That was the first time I ever heard anyone say that about me. I will always remember that! Someone thinks I am BEAUTIFUL !  Is that even possible ?  That thought have NEVER entered into my mind.  That just wasn't a word in my vocabulary. I think that was the first time I ever started to look at myself in the mirror and consider what I did look like. And probably the first time I ever considered the possibility I could change those looks. I started watching what the barber did when he cut my hair.  How he cut it. How he held the scissors. Where he cut, how much he cut, angles, shaping etc. By the time I was 12 I had bought my first set of hair cutting scissors and I was off and chopping.

Every so often I go get a professional cut to clean up my mess but quite honestly I always hate the result. They just never do what I ask.  And the greatest thing about hair. IT ALWAYS GROWS BACK !

IT'S "ONLY" A COLD

I can not believe I have been brought down this badly by a common cold.  It is NOT the flu ! The sore throat is gone. There are no aches and pains in my body. I have no head ache.  There is no nausea or other stomach problems. ( I saved you those gorey descriptions) No chills or fever. Just a common, every day WHOPPER of a head cold !

I have now officially used up TWO AND ONE HALF BOXES of Kleenex brand tissues. (Because they are the softest tissues I will trust on my big stuffy nose.) I have resorted to drinking Orange Juice, something that I never do because there is way too much sugar in OJ but I figure the vitamin C sure can't hurt.  I have washed the sheets and pillow case AND PILLOW on my bed twice in the past 5 days hoping to kill germs. (So far it doesn't seem to have helped!) I have "Lysoled" every surface I touch, every door knob, every faucet, every clicker, every arm of every chair. There was a moment of panic when I thought I short circuited my computer when I sprayed the keyboard but all is well.
Thank goodness the biggest effect of this cold on me is the need for sleep. WHAT !  ME?  WANT TO SLEEP?  NO ?    YUP!  Believe it or not I have been sleeping about 18 hours a day.  The craziest thing is I am waking up at 6:30 in the morning (I'll give you time to stop laughing . . . ) I tell my angels to stop joking around, I roll over to my left side so my right ear can drain, (that's the ear with the infection that is clogged so badly I can't hear a thing out of it.) and then go back to sleep till 8:30,( still an hour of the day that I had never considered part of the REAL DAY), get up to take another dose of antibiotic and some food and then go back to sleep for another four hours.

Today I had to go to  my knee doctor for a recheck of my knees, which have been feeling GREAT thanks to his advice to loose some weight! (Isn't it just amazing when these doctors actually know what they are talking about!) My  appointment was for 10:20. I woke up at 8:20, had some breakfast, got dressed and went to the doctor. Then I stopped at the post office, Wynn Dixie and CVS. By the time I got home at noon I barely made it to the bed before I fell sound asleep until 4:45 ! And now it is time to make dinner and go to bed!

BUT IT'S ONLY A COLD !

P.S.   I do see myself feeling better.  I guess it is true that as we "AGE" our bodies take longer to heal.  Don't tell anyone but I think I could get used to this !

GRANDMA'S IN HER GLORY !

NO . . .  I'm not with my grand kids . . .

NO . . .  I'm not with my NY BFF's . . .

NO . . . I'm not traveling . . .

What else makes grandma so happy ????????????

It's a rainy day with NOTHING to do and EVERYONE is afraid to come near me so EVERYONE is leaving me ALONE for three whole days ! I get to do absolutely anything I want to do or nothing if that's what I choose to do.
Now if only I didn't have the stabbing pain in my ear that brings me to my knees every so often, Thank you ear infection. And if I could only breathe through my nose and stop looking like a two thousand year old mouth breathing bottom feeder from the dark lagoon I might actually enjoy this time of solitude.
You would appreciate the wardrobe of the 'under the weather Cath". I have dug out all my "winter"  clothes and am getting to sample all my long sleeve tops to wear with my shorts. I AM FREEZING.  I am tempted to turn off the AC completely but the outside air is some where around 98 and I have no idea what the humidity is hovering at so the AC must remain on but I think I have it set at something like 80. All fans are off and I'm still wearing sweat pants and sweaters. The fuzzy pink robe has been busted out of retirement and although I did put it on the other night it really was a bit TOO hot for this time of the year. I have not washed or combed my hair in 3 days so you can only imagine what that looks like but it is just so much fun to just go to hell in a hand basket every so often. No make up but I have brushed my teeth because there are just some things even I can not stand.

This afternoon, after my second nap after going to the doctor,  I looked out at the pool and thought I really should go out and clean it but the thought of "work" really did not appeal to me. BUT I roused myself and went out and did go into the pool and clean it out. It was a good half hour of moving and activity but then the clouds started moving in again so now I'm back inside, long sleeves back on and ready for a hot cup of tea to warm myself back up. If you had EVER told me I would be cold in Florida in the Month of September I would have called you crazy. Go Figure ! I think after the tea I'm headed for another nap, just because I can. Isn't it great being a Senior Citizen !

As for the cold in my nobe.  I'm on antibiotic so I'll be feeling better soon but I don't think I'll tell anyone.  I really like this quiet time to just putter. I always did like time to myself. Nothing like a nice quiet day to blog. I've had so many ideas for my blog but just have not had the time to write anything down. It seems I have become too popular down here. I mean, Seriously ? Me ? I don't even want to spend time with myself most of the time why these other women want to spend time with me is really beyond my comprehension.

MORE WISDOM FROM GERRY

Husband was never so smart when he was alive. Now that he is gone I keep coming up with all these wise things he used to tell me. Like when you get a cold in the summer you should go sit outside in the hot sun and BAKE the germs out of you. The fact that Ger used to LOVE to sit in the sun and bake for hours and hours sort of was his remedy for everything but I do think he was on to something with cold germs. Unfortunately we are experiencing an exceptionally wet summer so this is proving to be a bit of a problem.

Observe this photo of poor little Grey, taken last Tuesday at her house. Grey could not go to school because she was running a fever along with her cold. Her nose was running, her eyes were running, she was lethargic and miserable. All she wanted was to be held and to sleep !
Fast forward one week and reverse Grand ma into Grey's place and you will get and idea of how grand ma is feeling. My throat hurts, my body hurts, I'm freezing even though I am wearing jeans and a sweatshirt and the AC is set at 78 and the temperature outside is 98. My nose is running, my eyes are watering and all I can do is whimper. BUT it's RAINING OUT !  It's hot as Hell but there is no sun to be seen. I just want to  crawl under the covers and cover my head and go to sleep.

HEY GER,  WHAT DO I DO NOW ?????