I'M HUNGRY

Merry Christmas!   It was a great holiday with family here, lots of food, drink and fun.
At least I thought there was a lot of food.

Tonight Ger and I were going to have a nice quiet dinner of LEFTOVERS. There was a spiral ham. Half of a turkey with stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy. Plenty of vegetables and even some yummy sandwiches from Publix that we bought to have for lunch today with our nephew and his kids who came to visit.

When I went to the fridge to start digging out the goodies I only found a bunch of vegetables along with the turkey and ham.  NO STUFFING!  NO MASHED POTATOES! NO GRAVY!  What's going on here ? Where are all the fixings that go along with the turkey and ham? Turkey without gravy is just not acceptable.  Might as well just eat cardboard.

I decided to fall back on my second string dinner and have one of  the sandwiches that were left from lunch. Care to guess what was also missing?  So now my choices are PLAIN TURKEY, PLAIN HAM AND SOME VEGGIES.

Either my kids think I need to diet or . . .  I honestly don't know what they were thinking. I told them to take some leftovers home but this is too much!  I mean, if you are going to take food at least take the damn vegetables too!

I guess I'll have some peanut butter.

GER ON POT

No, I did not mean "Ger on THE pot", as in toilet . . .  I mean Ger on POT . . .  as in marijuana, weed, cannabis, POT !  Life is just not fair ! For the past 50 years I have wanted POT, or Zanax, or Valium or ANYTHING that will help me get through each day. And WHO is the one who gets the Happy Stuff? HUSBAND!  He is the reason I need something and the doctor goes and gives him drugs. It is NOT fair!

We went to the oncologist on Tuesday for the next to the last chemo treatment. When we met with the doctor she told Ger he did not look well. He looked, "Under the weather". Which I agreed with! This past month of chemo was not a good one for H. He never regained his appetite or energy. He continued to look pale and washed out. In spite of his doing nothing he has no energy. OR, COULD IT BE ? BECAUSE of his doing nothing he has no energy or appetite? The man spends ALL day sitting in his chair in front of the TV and sleeps.  I realize how this is possible because it is my fondest dream to some day have time to sit and do nothing. If you don't move, you don't expend energy. If you don't expend energy you don't need to eat to refuel. And so it goes.

ANYWAY, Doctor V asked Ger if he would like some marijuana.  You should have seen the look on Ger's face! I wish I had my camera ready because the expression of SHOCK was priceless. I am sure Ger's mother rolled in her grave! The thought of Ger on Pot is the most ridiculous thought ever. This is MR> Perfect who NEVER smoked, did drugs, missed mass, or said the "F" word. He should have been a priest. And now some doctor is suggesting he take pot? What is the world coming to?
I quickly raised my hand and offered to take the pot instead but that wasn't an option. The doctor explained that there is a pill, made from an extract of marijuana, that when taken will increase your appetite. (That is the last thing I need) We talked Ger into the idea that this is a good pill to take and so now we have a 30 day supply.

Once we got through the insurance company, "will they, won't they" pay for this $300 pill, we got Ger started on this medicine on Thursday evening. I read all the facts but did not share them with H because if he knew it would make him light headed and give him a "feel good" sense of well being he would not take the pill. (He really is a tight ass about some things.) He took a pill around 6:00 and then went to bed at 8:30. I came into the bedroom around 9 and there lay H, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. I asked him if he was OK. He told me he was fine. I asked what he was doing and he told me, " I am waiting to see what these pills are going to do. Do you think they are working?" From the size of his pupils I think they had definitely kicked in! I told him they would probably take a few hours to work so he should just go to sleep.

The pills are working too well.  I haven't gotten out of the kitchen for more than an hour or two. Unfortunately Mr. Munchie does not cook for himself so he his constantly asking me to make something for him.

 Seriously, LIFE IS NOT FAIR !

AND THE SHEPHERDS CAME FORTH

CHRISTMAS . . .   time for every preschool, nursery school and day care center in the country to get producing that Christmas Pageant. And behold the children came in costumes and told the story of Baby Jesus being born in a manger.

Sounds delightful doesn't it? Well, let me tell you about the second "Wise Man" who came from the East. But I'm getting ahead of myself . . . .

Yesterday afternoon I brought Ger home from his latest chemo treatment, got him settled with dinner in the fridge, quick changed my clothes and headed down to Pompano Beach to go with Kent and Kristen to Smith's day care center's SHOW. This was no little 5 kid production. The room where we were seated was the size of a wedding reception complete with 44 tables of ten. (We were seated at at table 42 way in the back because our "child" is in the youngest group performing and only on stage for a very short time.) There is also the fact that at two years old the kids don't have a clue as to what the heck is going on, even with days of practice.
The tickets were bought by Kent, we dropped off Smith in his classroom at 6 PM only to have him in tears because he had just left school and hour and a half earlier and no way wanted to return this quickly. We can only assume the tears ended quickly because when it was time for his classes debut he was fine.

Up stairs we all went to find our seats and 45 minutes later the show began. First up were the three year old classes singing three different songs. Anyone who has ever worked with children will know this is no easy feat. But SING they did! At the TOP OF THEIR LUNGS! Never, ever have I heard kids sing that loud. I don't know what they were told but boy oh boy they were Great !  Watching them perform is most of the fun. There is always the one kid who puts his heart and soul and body into his performance and sure enough this group had one. Top row, left side, I thought the kid was going to fling himself off the stage. It was great!

Next came the four year old's acting out the story of the Nativity. The angels came in first. Mary and Joseph walked up the aisle and onto the stage accompanied by the singing angels. The animals arrived next followed by the shepherds with their sheep. This was IT ! Time for all the two year olds to CRAWL down the aisle dressed in their sheep costumes. The shepherds herded those little guys right up onto the the stage only to have the "chorus" break into the sheep songs where the chorus was BAA'ed out by all the little sheep. BA  BA  BA
I was rolling on the floor laughing. It was probably the most adorable, hysterical thing I have seen in a long time.

But it wasn't over.  The sheep were quickly herded off the stage and back down to their classroom because you know how quickly two year old sheep can start to wander off.
Once the sheep departed the scene it was time for the 3 Wise Men to arrive. Down the aisle came three of the most adorable 4 year olds dressed in the finest of robes and crowns. Wise man One and Three were doing great. Poor number Two lost it some where half way down the aisle and started sobbing and saying. "I'm sorry mommy, I just can't do it!"  The poor kid just kept repeating this over and over as he climbed onto the stage and stood in front of his very own microphone. (Just in case anyone had missed what the poor kid was saying he got to have it broadcast nice and loud. ) Wise man Three very wisely advised #2 to just stand there and not say anything but Two was so distraught all he could do was beg his mom's forgiveness. (Can you picture the scene at home for the past 2 weeks trying to talk this kid into playing this part?) It was the most  pitiful thing to have to watch. How mom refrained from running up and grabbing her son to comfort him is beyond me.

All in all it was quite the evening and well worth the ride. I am so glad I went and will remember this night for quite some time. I look forward to Smith moving up through the grades and perhaps getting to play one of the wise men in years to come. I know he would ace the part!

Dressing the sheep in long johns and black socks

Smith did not like socks on his hands

Two year old sheep class

This kid was just a riot! 

The stage

THE ROOM WAS HUGE !

MIXED EMOTIONS TODAY

I was out today driving home from some chores and got "caught" by the draw bridge over the inter coastal waterway. Gee, I was forced to turn off my car and sit for 10 minutes in the bright sunshine watching a silly white ibis walking around to all the cars like a little pan handler. I'm not sure what the bird wanted but he stopped at every car as if to ask for a snack or a ride. I laughed to myself at the thought of opening my car door and having this bird hop in. But the traffic started up before I had a chance to act on my thoughts. Probably a good thing!

Most often when I get caught by the bridge it is with Ger in the car and he gets quite fidgety sitting still without a TV screen to stare at.  I LOVE it when I am able to STOP and watch the world go by. Especially this time of the year. It is CRAZY down here with all the "Snow Birds" racing around as if they were still in NY or Jersey.  They haven't learned yet to SLOW DOWN and enjoy the beauty of the area.

Today is 78 degrees, BRIGHT sun shine, a lovely cool breeze and it is the middle of December! WHAT, (I must ask once again) IS NOT TO LOVE ?  Just recently someone from Maine asked me how I could possibly celebrate Christmas without it being cold. DUH DUH DUH !  Think about it! Christmas is not snow. Christmas is not cold. The first Christmas took place in the heat of Bethlehem. All you folks who NEED the cold to feel like Christmas have it backwards.
And besides, Christmas comes from your heart not from the weather.

In spite of the horrific news story today of Innocent little children at school in Connecticut being murdered by some poor misguided soul we know that the world IS a good place and God has our back no matter what is thrown at us. Say a prayer for those poor families who are involved in the tragedy. Pray that they will realize they are not alone and that God does indeed love them and is there to hold them and help them to get through this horror.  But also stop to thank God that you are blessed with family, friends, and with God's love. Take five to think about how blessed you really are and then say a prayer for those who can't see the blessings they do have.

CHRISTMAS MAIL

The month of December is the only month in the year that I look forward to getting the mail. Usually this job goes to Husband because, . . .  well, he has nothing else to do so at least he will get a little exercise walking out to the mail box and back.  These days he has been quite frustrated because our regular mail man has been replaced by "some woman" who is not delivering our mail until almost 6:00 PM.  "Huff, puff, huff",  and many other sounds of indignation come from H as he makes two or three trips out to see if the mail has arrived yet. FINALLY he hits pay dirt when he finds the box stuffed to over flowing with mail.  Most of the mail is junk, as usual. BUT, because it is Christmas season there are some Christmas cards and even a small package every now and then. H loves to bring the mail in, sit in his comfy chair and tear (literally) into the envelopes.  I get a large pile of opened mail that H thinks I might like or need to see and the rest goes to the recycle bin. 

Most times that is just fine with me but in December there are all sorts of greetings from friends, old and new. You just never know who is going to have sent a holiday greeting along with . . .  do I dare hope . . . . a CHRISTMAS LETTER!  Now over the years the Christmas Letter has gotten quite a bum rap. I remember one year sitting with my nieces and nephews laughing at the "family" Christmas letter. They would compare Aunt So and So with Uncle What's his name's letters and find great amusement in tearing apart all the boasting about family in each letter. Who could out do Whom in listing the amazing accomplishments of the children in each family. And since we pretty much saw each other on a regular basis everyone knew what their cousins were really up to. 

But Christmas letters aren't for those folks who we see every month or so. They are for those friends and family who we only get to talk to or see every couple of years. They really do want to know what we and our children are doing. And in return I want to know what they have doing. I am all for Christmas letters. You can laugh at them, in fact I hope you do, and you can also take those few minutes to remember times past when you were part of our lives and might even have made it into one of my Christmas writings. 

This year I sent out our annual letter filled with the good and the bad of this past year. Included in the greeting was a family photo that always makes me smile. I sent the cards out to the usual list of folks and then added one more name to my list. Cousin Johnny, who I have not seen or spoken with in YEARS!  Johnny was ALWAYS my favorite cousin. I think as a child I had planned on marrying cousin Johnny when I grew up. Being eleven years older than me I am sure he found this quite amusing.  His dad was my mother's oldest brother and as we came to find out much later in life, Johnny's father was an abusive dad and husband. John has 2 sisters with whom I have kept in close touch all my life. (When your family consists of 6 people, 5 cousins and myself, you tend to keep up on relationships with them.)  Just recently John's oldest sister, Lucille, told me she was in contact with her "little brother". (There had been some drama years ago and Johnny fell out of favor with his family. That was when I lost track of him.) But now that we are all growing older and hopefully wiser Lucille had renewed contact with her brother and would fill me in on how he was doing. While Lucille and I have migrated to Florida, John and his wife are actually living in his boyhood home in NY. I still had that old address in one of my address books so I took a leap and sent my favorite cousin a Christmas card, letter and photo. 

Today I got the mail!  And what a perfect day for me to be the one to bring it in. I went out to tie a red bow on the mail box and there was today's delivery. And it wasn't even three o'clock !  As I walked in I sorted through the pile and there was a card from my "Long Lost Cousin", John. I stopped everything I was doing to sit down and read his 3 page letter. BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER !  He started his note with a "Good to hear from you" and a reference to feeling like the "Prodigal Son". All I know is I have found my favorite cousin again and I couldn't be happier!

HAUNTINGS

Some one is trying to get our attention!  This is getting rather crazy and Ger and I really don't know who wants to get in touch with us from "Beyond" but it is pretty evident to me that there is a spirit out there who wants us to pay attention to something. Ger scoffs! I believe! All we do know is things are weird !

I think I had written about the  incident about a month or so ago when Ger and I were sound asleep at 2 something AM when all of a sudden the TV in our bedroom turned on. WE DO NOT HAVE A REMOTE for this TV so that isn't the simple answer. WE very seldom use this TV. I will sometimes come into the bedroom when I have had enough of FOX NEWS and can't stand another minute, and put in a DVD to watch. Other than that we almost never turn on this old clunker of a fat TV. It is ancient, no HDTV, no other bells and whistles. Just a plain old TV. And yet we were both woken from a sound sleep to the talking of some show at 2 in the morning. Ger and I both didn't have a clue what was happening. We both sat up looking around for what ever was making the noise and realized it was the TV set. Magically turned on ALL BY ITSELF!  Naturally Ger couldn't figure out how to turn it off so I had to get up and find the off button and back to sleep we went.  I wondered at that time who was trying to contact us but then forgot all about it.

Until last night at 2 something AM when Ger and I both woke up to the sound of running water. I was still half asleep when Ger asked me what was happening.  He then got up and shut of the water in our bathroom sink and we both went back to sleep. The thing is we had both gotten ready for bed around 10PM. Brushed teeth and then lay in bed for about an hour reading. THERE WAS NO WATER RUNNING WHEN WE WENT TO SLEEP AT 11.  I am super tuned into noise and smell in my house. I can tell you when the milk has gone sour before I open the fridge. I can tell you from our kitchen when Ger has left the hose on out in the garden. I hear all the sounds that are not supposed to be. BUT last night I SWEAR the water in the sink was OFF when we went to sleep. HOW DID IT TURN ITSELF ON AT SOMETHING AFTER 2 AM ??

I think there is a spirit trying to get in touch.  Maybe it is my guardian angel who I have been driving nuts lately begging for calm and serenity so I won't beat my husband to death. But what is this angel trying to tell me? Maybe he is trying to tell me where the bat is to beat said husband.

ANY IDEAS ?

DISAPPOINTED !

Major Big Time disappointed !  I thought I could squeeze in a quick trip to Maryland to see the grand kids for a couple of days . . .  NOT !  What was I thinking?  Silly me thinking I could escape "care giver" mode and switch into Grand ma mode for a short amount of time.

Ger had chemo last week.  His next chemo is on the 18th so I had it all figured out that I could fly up to Maryland on the 12th, bring all the Christmas gifts with me, spend some quality time with Kaelin and Finn and their parents and be home on the Sunday before the next chemo. Trouble is H can't come with me because of all the germs you encounter on planes and in airports and from little children.  I can't go alone because I have to give H his shot every day. H says he could probably give himself the shot
"IF HE HAD TO" (insert very sad face here with very whinny voice.) But when you get right down to it the man can't remember if he got dressed, shaved or peed so how do I expect he would remember to give himself a shot? Never mind the actual logistics of piercing himself with a needle.  The opportunities for disaster are endless so we won't even consider that possibility.

You probably think I make half these things up regarding Ger's inability to manage on his own but anyone who has ever spent time with the man knows I am not kidding.

And so I will have to wait till the end of March to see my little loves. Sad but true! And I am REALLY bummed over it.  I sure could use a Kaelin fix right about now. I'm feeling over whelmed and in need of a break from all this care giving crap.  I guess I will have to settle for a good night's sleep in my comfy bed in Florida where the weather is fantastic and my life is actually blessed. So get over it and count my blessings and be thankful for all I DO have.

Thanks for letting me work this out . . .  it always helps to talk to a friend.

BUT IT'S ONLY 8:30

As I sit here listening to my grand daughter Kaelin making a video for Grand pa I am aware of the fact that I have to type fast to get this written and get out of the bed room before H goes to sleep. (Kaelin made a video for Grand pa and sent it to his IPAD. Keri is in the back ground giving Kaelin ideas of what to include but she is pretty much not needed.  Kaelin is dancing her way through her house showing Grand pa pretty much EVERYTHING!) It is a priceless work of art that we will cherish for quite some time and then possibly use as black mail when Kaelin and Finn get older.

But enough about the adorable grand kids . . .  it is 8:30 on a Saturday night and H is in bed ready for sleep! What has my life become????  As Sharon told me yesterday when I called her for a sanity check, it is about time I started to crack. AND, more important, "How can I possibly get mad at the man? After all, HE HAS CANCER!" Yea, that freaking cancer card keeps popping up when ever I am about to lose my mind and smack the man up side his head.

Aside from going to bed at 8 and getting up at 10 the man is not doing much these days. WE (Ger) had his fourth chemo treatment on Tuesday and he is feeling rather yucky. Now before you get feeling all sad and bad for the man please ask him WHY he is feeling yucky. Well, he had chemo right? Yep, AND . . .  does he have pills that he is supposed to take after chemo to keep him from feeling yucky???
THAT WOULD BE A YES,YES, YES, AND YES!  Has he taken the pills that are given to him to keep him from feeling yucky?????  THAT WOULD BE A NO, NO, NO, AND NO!!!!!
Am I allowed to get irritated with the man? Am I allowed to want to smack him up side his stupid head?  Sure, but I won't because the poor guy has cancer.

All these drugs for nausea, fatigue, aches and pains and they still can't cure STUPID!

RANDOM THOUGHT

We were driving home from chemo today and stopped at a light.  Ger was talking to Keri on the phone and I was driving. It was just 5:00 and the clock tower at the intersection we were stopped at started playing "America". You know, "My Country Tis of Thee, Sweet Land of Liberty",  da da da da . . .
I could not, for the life of me, place the tune. The light changed and on we drove with this song haunting my brain. "It's familiar, I know this song, What the heck is it?", were the thoughts going through my head. BONG! It hit me what the first line was and that was where I got stuck. I kept singing it over and over in my head and came up with the line, "Land ofthe pilgrim's pride" but nothing else would come. I used to know this song word for word with out thinking twice. How come I couldn't come up with the words?  I came home and went on to Google to find the rest of the song. OF COURSE ! Now why couldn't I remember the words?
I know why . . .   we NEVER EVER sing our patriotic songs any more. Is there a radio station out there that just plays good old fashioned AMERICAN music? If there is it is probably a country music station and I DO NOT listen to country!
I have talked before about music class in elementary school. I could sing you the theme song for every branch of the military. Those caissons went rolling along with off we go into the wild blue yonder. I still am not sure what a caisson is but there was a song about them.
The country has changed.       :-(         How sad!

CHRISTMAS IS HOW MANY DAYS AWAY ?

PANIC !    How does this happen EVERY year ?  It's not like Christmas is a secret that you don't know about until the last minute but I am NEVER ready for the speed of its arrival once Thanksgiving is over. No wonder all those crazy people are out on BLACK FRIDAY shopping like there is no tomorrow.  But you will never find me out in that frenzy.  I think this year a lot of my shopping is taking place on the computer. It really is a no brainer when you think about it. Roll out of bed, sit down at the computer in your jammies, have the morning cup of coffee next to you, (possibly with a bagel or donut, as long as you don't get the crumbs stuck in the key board).  I can shop like this for hours and my feet never get tired. (My butt does go numb but it is a small price to pay.)  I do miss the years that Keri and I would do a MOTHER/DAUGHTER shopping trip to different outlets. A couple of years were spent shopping at Potomac Mills in Virginia. Then there was the year that Keri came to Florida and we shopped up in Orlando. Our shopping trips would always include an over night at a hotel and dinner with a drink or two. We would shop for HOURS, take a dinner break, and continue for another hour or two.  We would then return to the hotel and bring EVERYTHING we had bought up to our room. (That usually involved at least 2 of those luggage carriers.) There we would empty out all the bags and take inventory of all that we had purchased. After a lot of laughing we would fall into our beds exhausted with plans of returning to this or that store in the morning to just pick up those one or two things that we had missed or wanted more of. The very best part of these trips was spending a full 36 hours alone with my daughter who I came to love more and more every year. GOOD TIMES !
Now I am sitting at a computer shopping for my GRAND KIDS and having almost as much fun with emails, texts and phone calls flying back and forth trying to decide on the perfect gifts for the perfect kids. We won't see Keri at Christmas this year and that is OK.  This will be Granny Linda's first Christmas without Grand Pa Fred and I would imagine it will be a tough one. And besides, at 1 and 4 years old Christmas HAS to be at HOME for Kaelin and Finn. I got a photo yesterday of Kaelin and Finn next to the bare Christmas tree. The caption was, "I have two REALLY excited kids here!"

Decorating the tree

Playing along with the Christmas music

A week ago I sent all the grand kids an ornament that is a count down to Christmas. (We bought them last year after Christmas for 75% off!) Yesterday I got a phone message telling me that there were "30 days, 6 hours and 42 minutes until Christmas".  That sounds like a life time to Kaelin but Grandma is in a panic to get everything done. For Abby and Roman we can take 2 days off the count down because Christmas will start the minute they walk in our door. The London group is coming to Florida for Christmas this year and we are EXCITED ! Having family around for the holidays is such a blessing. Two of my sister-in laws have all their children and grand children living within 10 miles of them. I often think how lucky they are. But then I hear about all they are doing for the kids and grand kids and I think I will stay right where I am. And we DO have our little man Smith just down the road. Smith and parents were here for Thanksgiving and we had a great day. There is nothing like hearing that little voice saying "I Love You Grandma!"  Melts my heart every time!  

School photo 2 year old Smith

THE TURKEY IS DONE AND SO IS GRANDMA

Oh my aching bones . . .   I LOVE LOVE LOVE the holidays with family here and a big feast and lots of fun but when all is said and done . . . I AM POOPED !
As I was talking with someone the other day we noted that whether you have 2 people for dinner or 20 it is the same amount of work.
Ger and I spent yesterday afternoon making the mashed potatoes and stuffing and that took us about 4 hours. Then there is the clean up. Today after mass we worked on the turnip and the veggies. There were only 5 of us for dinner and one of them was Smith who doesn't eat. The turkey was delicious, the beer bread was done at exactly the right time and everyone ate their fill. We then sat back and stuffed in some home made dessert that I made from a recipe I saw in the paper. It sounded so very exotic and delicious . . . Creamy Chocolate Panna Cotta. The ingredients looked interesting: 2 oz. of bakers chocolate - GRATED, a cup of Nutella, a cup and a half of heavy cream, unflavored gelatin, and chestnuts. Other than the chestnuts I had all the other ingredients in so I figured I'd give it a try. Because  it was chocolate I knew I couldn't go wrong. I spent an hour making this dessert. Melting chocolate, whipping cream, adding one thing to another then mixing that into something else. I couldn't wait to taste this exotic delicacy. I spooned some into my dessert dish and took a bite . . . . . .  it is nothing more than home made chocolate pudding ! GOOD chocolate pudding but still, just chocolate pudding. I really must look up the translation of Panna Cotta. I guarantee that recipe will get tossed!
I also made my stuffing from a recipe I found in last weeks news paper. I usually make my moms famous stuffing recipe that is nothing more than bread crumbs, sauteed onions, an egg, some thyme and some parsley. But every now and again I like trying something new. This years recipe called for sausage and apples. It was a bit long and drawn out with cooking the sausage first, putting the sausage in with the bread, cooking the onions in the same pan and then adding them to the bread and sausage. Finally cooking the apples in some butter in the same pan with all the remains from the sausage and the onions. Personally, I would just as soon put the sausage, onions and apples all in the same freaking pan at the same time. Makes more sense to me. But an hour later, the stuffing was ready to wait in the fridge till I stuffed it in the bird this morning and roasted the whole mess. It was very good stuffing, I will give it that but it really was more work than it needed to be. I will file that away for next year.
So now I have a kitchen that looks like a turkey exploded in the middle of it. Dishes and pans every where and I don't have the energy to do a thing about it. I figure all the food is put away. The garbage has been put outside and the pans are all filled with water . . .  soaking! And soak they will for the rest of the evening because Grandma is DONE.
Tomorrow is another day and hopefully the Advil will have kicked some butt on the pain in my feet, legs and back. The remaining mess won't look as intimidating as it does tonight and I can sit down and have some left overs before I tackle the rest of the clean up.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!

And just think . . . . we get to do this all again in 4 weeks for Christmas!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

                                                                       
                                                         

A very persuasive and controversial person will arrive on the scene, and they will be able to get you to try something you never thought you would try before. This is the start of a great period of exploration for you. You're ready to take a whole new look at who you can be, what you want out of life, and who you want to spend your free time with. Some social shakeups could occur when not everyone is on the same page as you. They are not buying what this person is selling.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY WONDERFUL IN-LAWS . . . .STEVE AND KRISTEN !

Can you believe they share the same birthday?  Born two years apart on the very same date. How nice and easy it is for grandma to remember the dates. 

Birth dates are always a challenge to remember but we have some unique dates in our family. The number 28 is a big one for us.  Ger and I were married on the 28th. My birthday is the 28th and Finley was born on the 28th. Pretty cool ! All different months but at least I can remember the number. 
Bridget's birthday is the day after Abby so we have January covered. And since Abby was our first grand baby I will never forget her birthday.  Kaelin is exactly a month after Abby, February 20th and Finley is March. April is grandma, May is Roman, June is Uncle Kent, July is Ger who I never forget because he is born on Bastille Day and I always tell him what a "Son of a Bastille" he is. (Just kidding!) Smith shares grandpa's birth month and he is easy to remember because he is 7/27.  August we have off, September is my first born, Kyle who I could never forget because he was 3 weeks late showing up. October is Keri who was born at 10:21PM on 10/21.  November are the 2 birthdays of Steve and Kristen and December we have off, except for Aunt Ann Marie. 

I am sitting here counting on my fingers to make sure I got every one. There seems to be a lucky 13 of us in the family. Tht has always been a good number for me. 

Enjoy your birthdays !!!  WE LOVE YOU!

SATURDAY "MORNING"

O.K. so it is after 12 noon but it still counts as "morning" in my book.
I promised myself I would sit down on Saturday morning and take some time to say hello in my blog. I am seriously having problems with Ger going to bed at 9 these days. I think best at night and that is my favorite time to write. But it just isn't happening when H is laying in bed coughing and clearing his throat in order to let me know that I am annoying him by working on the computer. I get it! It is annoying having a BRIGHT light on in the room when you are trying to sleep but if you aren't that exhausted what are you doing in bed at 9 PM ?
Any how . . .  I have been avoiding the computer for another reason also. My back is so tight from all the sitting I am doing that I have not been sitting in front of the computer unless it is to pay a bill. I even check  my emails on my phone but trying to write a blog using that tiny little key pad is impossible. But having gone to the chiropractor 3 days this past week and getting a massage yesterday has helped so I will see if I can sneak in a few minutes to say hello.
Sitting is a problem these days.  Ger just doesn't move AT ALL unless it is to go to a doctor appointment. He is feeling great these days but just has the mind set that because he has cancer he will just sit in front of the TV and vegg.  Fox news is on ALL day and Ger is in front of the TV watching it. (While working on Sudoku puzzles.) I have tried all sorts of things to get him up and out and moving but so far nothing is working.  Hopefully I will get him to come with me to see Smith tomorrow. The weather is perfect for moving, sunny, cool, no humidity, but none of that seems to make a difference. A couple of weeks ago when we had hurricane Sandy passing by Ger actually got up to help me move some chairs and things into the lanai so they wouldn't get blown away. They are STILL on the lanai although the weather is fantastic. Oh well.

On a happy note, Kaelin is home from her 3 day stay in the hospital for a staph infection in her leg.
The doctor had to lance the sore and pack it and then give little girl 3 days of intravenous antibiotic to kill the infection. Keri stayed at the hospital with Kaelin for the 3 days and both girls were very happy to get home Thursday afternoon.

Kyle and family just returned from 5 days in Rome. The kids term was over so they had a week off and the family decided to enjoy it in Rome.  They had a fantastic time and Roman talked a lot about how Rome reminded him of the Ukraine. They are all now back in cold, rainy Windsor looking forward to Christmas in warm, sunny Florida.

Smith got a new big boy bed and is loving life. I hear he is actually sleeping, or at least staying in his bed, ALL night. As for the "potty training" . . . . I just checked out Kristen's blog and it sure doesn't sound like things are going too well. Personally, I think he is too young but hey! I'm the grand ma so I will keep that thought to myself.

Well, got to go. Back is locking up so it is time to move. Have a great weekend every one. Talk to you again soon.

IN-B-SENIORS

The English language is so awesome and confusing and continually changing. I am fascinated by language and often wonder where words came from.  I picture a cave man dropping one rock on another and a spark leaping up. The cave man reacts with a  startled grunt, (which probably meant, "Holy crap! What was that?") and then thousands of years later we have the word FIRE. How did we get from that grunt to the word? We are always adding new words to our vocabulary. There was an article in the paper the other day about some new word that pertains to texting and tweeting and I didn't have a clue what the word was or what it was used for. It could have been ancient Sanskrit and I wouldn't have understood it any more that what I was reading. New words enter our lives and we don't even realize they are sneaking in. The word COMPUTER would mean nothing to some one living 100 years ago just as there are words from 100 years ago that we would have no idea what they meant.

I have decided to create my own word to help identify myself and my friends. IN-B-SENIORS are all us folks who are definitely senior citizens because we are over 55 but we aren't old yet because we are under 85. We are the 60 and 70 year olds who are in between. Sort of like the TWEENS who roam the mall on any given day armed with mommy's credit card. The children range in age from 8 to 12 and are in between being children and teenagers, thus the name Tweens.

So why can't we have inbseniors?  Or maybe we could be called TWEENIORS. We are too old to be considered young . . .  like we are beyond child bearing age, (THANK YOU GOD!) We are tired and want to stop working and start living. We are ready to "Live the Good Life". And we are too YOUNG to just lie down and die! We have a lot of living yet to do and some energy left over from raising families and working. We can still see and hear and still have valid drivers licences. We could probably even PASS a drivers test if we had to. (Which I think would be a GREAT idea!) We are no longer the "SANDWICH" generation, we are finally the top slice of bread that makes up the sandwich. We still have some life in these old bones and some smarts in our heads. Once the eye sight starts going, along with the hearing and the mental ability to know what your name is then you move into the SENIOR group but I don't think we really have gotten there yet.

My kids would probably argue the fact that I think I am not "THERE YET" but I figure as long as I can work my computer, smart phone and ipad then I'm not that old yet.

AN ANGRY DAY

Ger is mad at the sun today . . .  and the bumps in the road outside CVS. It's been a bad day!

It has been a quiet day though, because when H gets angry he gets quiet. We left the house this morning for a 9:15 doctor appointment, (what the hell do these doctors think when they tell us to come in at 9:15?  They must think we are normal senior citizen or something). It is a bright and beautiful Florida day but as we turned out of our community Ger gasped and started clutching at the visor like he was having a fit. He couldn't get that visor down fast enough. If he had been a vampire pushed into the day light he couldn't have reacted as much. There was a grunt and a few gasps and that was that. It is the quiet after ward that tells you Ger is ANGRY. I'm not sure the sun noticed that Ger was angry with it but I did. The silence lasted about 10 minutes so it wasn't a BIG angry.
Then later this afternoon when we went out to pick up yet another prescription for Ger he got all upset with the bumps in the road on the way out of CVS. That upset got  us a few grunts and even a "PFFFFFT" along with about 15 minutes of silence. The man is weird!
When I get angry people KNOW it. My anger is an explosion of cursing, swearing, stomping and even some possible throwing of items. Much like a tantrum that a 2 year old might throw. BUT . . . . at least you KNOW I am angry. And I really can't remember the last time I got angry at the sun. I get angry at Ger, A LOT ! But thanks to modern medicine my anger is toned down quite a bit. I think I need to get Ger on yet another pill to calm his anger down.

Maybe if I could get him to turn down the TV I might not get so angry.  We returned to the ENT doctor today for another hearing test and Ger's hearing has diminished another 10%. That causes the TV volume to increase 40%. Like Ger's anger with the sun it doesn't make much sense but it is what it is.

WAKE UP CALL

Any one else think that God is trying to get our attention? I mean, HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 

This storm that is hitting the entire East of the United States sure looks like a wake up call to me. As if we are not getting the picture from all the tornadoes and wild storms over the past couple of years. Drought in one part of the nation,  floods in another. Wild fires burning halves of states and other folks being swept away in floods the likes of which we have never seen before. Something sure is rotten in the world and we are so freaking stupid that we don't get it.

I personally think this storm is straight from God trying to get the attention of all you Obama lovers. Seriously, why else would a hurricane zip up the Atlantic coast, come ashore in Democratic New Jersey and then head straight for OHIO? We know where all the Obama lovers are living . . .  This storm is for you!  If you don't get your power back in a week we will know for sure that God sent this storm.

Seriously, this storm, Sandy, was (is) one hell of a murderous storm and I am praying for all the folks it is affecting.Thank you God all our family and friends have been spared any real problems and are all safe and sound. Storm watcher Ger is happy as a pig in mud sitting in front of Fox News while wearing his Fox News jacket to keep warm. ( It is a frosty 75 degrees in the house.) Outside in the sunshine it is just BEAUTIFUL but it is chilly in the house. Hurricane Sandy just blew herself around down here for a day or so, spit a little rain and then meandered right up to Washington DC. I was positive she would smack down some nasty on those politicians up there but I guess she decided to go after New Jersey in stead. I heard some where that this is the first time in recorded history that New Jersey has taken a direct hit from a hurricane. That is telling me something. The fact that my baby cousin Raymond lives in Jersey and is a LOYAL, although misguided, follower of Obama, just proves the point that Sandy was sent by God as a wake up call. 

I just can't wait to hear what Raymond has to say about this.

THE WINDOWS AND DOORS ARE OPEN

My deepest sympathy to all my friends up and down the East Coast. Florida is sending you a gift and I don't think you are going to be happy with it. Hurricane Sandy kissed us with her balmy breezes and a sprinkling of rain these past 2 days but she is building up her strength to smack you up side your heads. The fact that the center of this storm is headed straight for Washington DC one week before elections tells me that God has a sense of humor and is possibly trying to wipe out our politicians once and for all. Could the message be much clearer?

Down here in South Florida we welcome breezes and cooling temperatures at this time of the year. We have just finished with Summer, (MY favorite season of the year . . .  thanks to the absence of "Snow Birds" and traffic.) But it does get warm and I start longing to open the windows and doors to let in the fresh air. This past summer was lovely as usual. The pool got up to a fantastic 96 degrees and it was a delightful time to sit in the shade and watch the world go by. Even running back and forth to doctor offices couldn't dampen the season. We had a lot of rain but it was spread out over several months so we didn't mind it in the least. (Rainy days give you an excuse to stay inside and get some cleaning done.)

But now it is late October and we are ready for some cooler temperatures and less humidity. The pool has cooled down to a mere 84 degrees and is much too cool for swimming. (Or so I am told by daughter-in-law Kristen) Smith and I will still go swimming as did Kaelin and Finn when they were here but the true Floridians won't even put a toe in the "cold" water. And now with Sandy having just blown through the pool is filled with debris so unless I am going in with a shovel there won't be much swimming going on till next spring. We left NY so I wouldn't have to rake leaves and shovel snow. Who knew I would be shoveling my pool?

Today is a FABULOUS day! The sun is out and the wind is blowing so hard that my wind chime is playing a symphony. I opened all the windows and sliding glass doors and let the air blow away the summers accumulation of dust bunnies. Everything smells so fresh and clean. On a normal day we almost ALWAYS have a great breeze blowing but today is extra windy. Sandy did blow through here and even though there was the usual "HURRICANE HYPE" we had nothing to bother us. Storm watcher Ger is off his usual Storm Watch and appeared to not care if we were about to die in a hurricane. He doesn't even seem to be concerned that our daughter and family may get pounded by our hurricane. Nor does he seem to care that all our family and dear friends in North Carolina through Maine are about to get hit by the storm of the century. That just goes to tell you how poorly he is feeling. I really thought this storm would have roused him from his lethargy but it didn't happen. I wonder if a water spout in the pool would get him to notice?

GER'S BIGGEST PROBLEM

Getting a cancer diagnosis isn't easy no matter how you coat it. Between chemo and radiation and endless endless doctor appointments and surprise side effects from all the drugs the whole experience takes great courage and fortitude.  All of which Husband is doing great with. He keeps chugging on and is fighting his natural instincts to withdraw into his shell where he can watch Fox News 24/7 and not deal with anything. He is still fighting to get in ALL the fluids. He is forcing himself to eat when he really wants nothing to do with food. He is being civil when I am sure all he wants to do is tell me to "shut the hell up for heaven's sake!". And so it goes day after day. He is fighting his hardest and really really hanging in there.

EXCEPT . . .

He can't get the names of these drugs straight in his head and forget even coming close to pronouncing their names! The man has gone from taking ONE pill every morning, know to us as "THE THYROID PILL". Forget that this pill actually has a name. It is just known as "THE PILL". Now we are up to
 7 pills a day, 2 liquid meds, 1 nasal spray and 2 shots. That is a grand total of 12 medications in a day! (No wonder H isn't hungry!)

Ger still can't keep track of what to take when.  We have 2 medicine baskets. One in the kitchen and one in the bedroom to separate the morning and night pills. That has helped. But he still gets confused as to what to take when. I have made endless lists but he looses the lists.
But the biggest problem comes with the names of everything. I have my note book to refer to but then the nurse will give something a different name and we are thrown for a loop. There is the generic name and the REAL name and the name for the same drug put out by a rival drug company.  And WHY can't drug companies name their drugs something easy? I would love it if we had drugs like ABC1 or XYZ3. Instead we have ONDANSELRON, LEVOTHYROXINE AND TAMSULOSIN. When the nurse asks what drugs Ger is taking it takes 20 minutes to say the names and then decide what that is a substitute for. For instance, I give Ger a shot every day. The name on the box is FONDAPARINUX SODIUM. Translation . . . . ARIXTRA.  The FLUTICASONE PROP is actually FLONAISE. Our heads are spinning!
But the very best part is when Ger tries to come up with the name of the drug.
Cath . . . "Hey Ger, did you take your meds this morning?"
Ger . . . "Yea, I took the SENSA" (Senokot)
Cath . . . "What else?"
Ger . . .  "I also took the MUSCLEX" (Musinex)

There is no way he is even trying to say the names of these other drugs. I guess I should be happy that he gets my name straight . . .    most of the time.

AVALANCHE STARTED BY A STAMP

It's a slippery slope here these days and I can slide down hill faster than anyone I know. Ger is hanging on to the mountain side pretty well. He has a good grip on life. ALWAYS HAS ! Even with all that has been going on he is doing great. Every so often he looses his grip for a few but he climbs back up and keeps on going.

Today I got buried under 40 feet of life.  We were up early, (8AM!) to go for a shot to help keep up Ger's white blood count. From there we had a WONDERFUL breakfast at Mc Donalds. Ger and I haven't been out to eat in quite some time and even though I am not sure that Mc D's counts as "FINE DINING" I'll take it! We sat quietly and enjoyed the food and a great cup of coffee. The customers were quite entertaining so it was a nice respite. From there we went for Ger's radiation treatment.  ONLY 8 MORE !  Ger has had 26 lung radiation treatments so far. Plus 14 brain radiation treatments. It seems like we have been going there forever. But the end is in sight! We left radiation and stopped at CVS to make use of our numerous coupons that were expiring today. How is it possible to spend over $100 at a drug store? And that was AFTER the coupons! Do you know how much Musinex costs???? Almost as much as the Prilosec!  All these years Ger has teased me about the pharmacy calling me for drugs because I have so many pills in my medicine cabinet. Well, he can't tease ME any more because he has a basket of pills next to his side of the bed and a second basket of pills in the kitchen. That will teach him to make fun.

Once we got home it was time to start pulling together ALL the things I have put off for the past week while the grand kids were here. First and foremost was to get the HUGE Halloween card for Smith written and put out for the mail man.  I knew how much the postage would be because I had sent the same card to Kaelin and Finn last week. I also knew that I had an entire roll of "Post Card" stamps that I would never in 10 years ever get to using. I planned on putting 5 of those stamps on Smith's card and it would be good to go.         AND that was where the trouble started. I COULD NOT find that roll of stamps. We had pretty much gotten all the toys away after a week of grand kids so the house was sort of pulled together. Not after I got searching for a freaking stamp!  I have a basket in the laundry room that has all the return stickers and postage stamps in it. I tore through that first. NO stamps! Maybe I put them in the basket on my desk . . .  NOPE!  Maybe they are out in the garage on that desk  . . .  NOPE! Maybe they are in the drawer with the address book . . . NOPE!  (You get the picture yet?) As a last resort I decided they had fallen out of the basket in the laundry room and dropped behind the dryer. BAD THOUGHT! I moved the dryer and found NO stamps but I DID find three feet of dust and filth that only can be found behind a dryer or a refrigerator. I mean . . .  IT WAS BAD!  Then all the paper bags that I had wedged between the washer and dryer pulled loose and went spilling all over the floor. At this point I gave up on the stamps, put a bunch of regular stamps on the envelope and sent Ger out to the mail box so he wouldn't notice me pushing the dryer back over the mess and walking away.
Don't bother telling me it is a fire waiting to happen because that is the only way that mess is getting out of there. In fact, I may even throw in the match! I think a fire would be the best way to clean up the mess I made looking for a freaking stamp !

FEELING HELPLESS

I'm feeling a little lost these days because the "kids" are here and I am put in the position of thinking about them and not just myself. Ger and I have fallen into a pretty selfish way of life these last 8 years since the move to Florida. I guess retirement can do that to a person. There's the whole "now it's our turn to have some fun" thing that us retiree's get feeling, and rightfully so, FOR A WHILE. But eight years have gone by and we haven't done much in the way of "pay back". Be that as it may we are now REALLY challenged to think of others. The whole CANCER thing sort of really makes you forget there is a world out there beside you. Enter the kids . . . .  This is their dad who is fighting this lousy disease and they are scared! I forget that when it is just Ger and I surviving day to day but when they are here and I see the fear in their faces it reminds me that it isn't just about us.
Today was Keri's birthday and we had Kent and family come up for the weekend so the cousins could spend time together. Naturally we had to bake a cake and have a party. But the Redskins were playing against the Giants so Keri and family all donned their Redskins' jerseys and took off for a local out door sports bar to have some lunch and watch the game. The rest of us were all going to join them except Smith was napping and grandpa wasn't feeling well. I ended up going over to the sports bar and picking up Kaelin and Finn and bringing them back to the house so Keri and Steve could sit and watch the game in peace. (That did not help the Redskins any, they lost yet again!) When Keri and Steve came back they had had a good time but Keri was asking her dad how he was feeling and she ended up in tears telling him she really wanted him to come to meet her for lunch because she just wanted it to be like it "USED" to be. That makes me cry. Even though these amazing children of mine are adults with children of their own they are still little kids when it comes to their mom and dad. I forget that! I need to take time to ask how they are doing and feeling about this shitty situation that we find ourselves in. I need to be their for them and not be expecting them to take care of me. I. Want to tell them that everything is going to be all right but I don't know if that I true. I know that no matter what happens I am in God's hands and that is a HUGE comfort to me. I don't know if they have that strong a faith to get them through. I guess they will just have to follow my lead. And I will just have to lean on my faith to get us through.

COUSIN TIME

Three of the five cousins are here together visiting grandpa and making sure he is still alive and kicking. Grandpa is managing to keep up with them to some extent but these little guys just never stop! Have you ever tried spending a day with a one and two year old boy and a four year old little girl? You really must try it some time to get the total effect.
Kaelin and Finley arrive with their parents on Thursday and we were all doing well in spite of the fact that Kaelin and Finn had been up at dawn to catch their 8 AM flight from Baltimore. Then Finn got an ear infection in his left ear to counter act the one he had in his right ear the week before they flew down here. Kaelin, just being a 4 year old girl is usually a shrieking mess as soon as her little brother gets within 2 feet of her and her toys. So we were having a great time in spite of all this.
Today Smith and his parents arrived and he got right into the mix. From around 11 this morning till 7:30 tonight it has been bedlam in a very great way!
The blow up toys grand ma bought for the pool would not stay blown up. The pool is a chilling 84 degrees, compared to the usual 92 but the kids and I didn't mind a bit. Finn decided he didn't want to nap on the first time around and he was a nose dripping mess for about a half hour. Grandpa actually pulled him self together and came and sat out side with us. It was an awesome day! The kids have a ball together and Kaelin and Smith have become fast friends and pool pals.  The two of them floated around in their swim aids and spend most of the afternoon in the pool with grand ma. Steve and Keri spent some time power washing the patio and Kent spent time rousting out Grand pa's BATS! Yes folks, the bats are back! They probably never left but we didn't want to tell grand pa that. Uncle Kent decided to do a show and tell about bats for Kaelin and Smith. Kent got two small nets that I use to clean the surface of the pool and proceeded to roust 5 or 6 poor bats from their afternoon siesta under the eve of our house. He actually caught 2 bats in the nets! Next thing we know Kent is putting on garden gloves to PICK THE BATS UP to show the kids. His sister Keri just kept yelling "RABIES" at him but the bats got shown around to anyone who wanted to see them.  I can only imagine what these poor creatures were thinking. Once Kent released them they did a wide circle of the lake and returned to another part of the house over hang where they hoped to be left alone for the remainder of the day.
Our day ended with a turkey dinner and a COUSINS BATH !  I did sneak in to get a photo of the 3 little guys all playing in the bath together but it was out of focus.
Everyone has returned to their borrowed condos for the night, (Keri and family at cousin Ann's condo and Kent and family at Kyle's condo.) We will see them all tomorrow for a 1:00 foot ball game to be viewed at a local sports bar. (Keri and family are HUGE Redskins fans and cannot miss watching their team lose yet another game.) I will probably go along and bring all the little folks home once they have enough of foot ball.

As for grandpa and me, We will be asleep in about 5 minutes.  GOOD NIGHT !

SITTING AT CHEMO

Here we are . . . Sitting in the "chemo" room with the other cancer patients just killing time while the chemicals kill the various cancers. It's a quiet place. Most people are sleeping or at least trying to sleep. Ger has this down to a science, eyes shut, mouth open an occasional snort. He is snuggled up in the recliner, blanket tucked under his chin and just as comfy as can be.
You are probably wondering how comfortable a cancer patient who is undergoing chemo can be.  VERY!  The drugs used now a days are a far cry from even two years ago. And the doctor we have is a genius when it comes to mixing different potions depending on how Ger is feeling on any particular day. Because the first round of chemo totally threw Ger under the bus and knocked his socks off our doctor has chosen different course for this second round. She is going easier on him and things are a lot different this time around. Of course, we are smarter this time around and are more aware of what we should be looking for in the way of side effects and problems.  So far, so good!!  Ger felt great last week when he finished chemo but as the week progressed he felt a little more "off" with each passing day. By today he felt LOUSY when he got up and having misunderstood the nurses last week he wouldn't take any anti nausea medicine. We got that straightened out today. We really need two sets of ears at all times.  When Ger talks to the nurses he hears only part of what they are saying and unless I am here to question a lot of what is said goes by the way side.

But, back to the chemo room . . .  When I walked in last week I thought something had happened here.  There is "police" tape, (the sort you would see at a crime scene), everywhere in the treatment room. Then I realized, it is decorated for Halloween.  Not only do these 3 nurses have to care for twenty something patients but they find time to decorate! These women are running the entire time we are here. Machines are constantly beeping to let them know that bags of fluids need changing, moving, replenishing. The nurses have to monitor each patient to make sure the are feeling OK and are not cold, nauseous, hungry, thirsty, or anything else. The one thing that IS missing is ringing phones. That is a welcome omission along with the lack of TV! No TV and no phones make this one very welcome place to be if you have to be here. The nurses are so pleasant and kind and aware. Chemo need not be a bad experience at all with these great women taking care of us.

WHERE THERE'S SMOKE

There are the Palm Beach Gardens fire department.

Just when we thought things were "quieting down" . . . .    I was working on the computer last night and Ger was happily sitting in his favorite chair with the Yankees on TV.  Yep, you read that right . .  . The N Y Yankees base ball team was on our TV.  It is a wonder that Fox news got bumped for something else but the NY Yankees . . . ?  Ger's father was rolling in his grave that his son would be watching the HATED Yankees. But this brain radiation seems to be having some strange effects on my man so who am I to say.

Any way, I decided to search for something and as I left the bedroom I gave the wall switch a slap like I always do when I leave the room.  THE LIGHTS DID NOT GO OFF!  That didn't really catch me and I just kept going. Upon my return to the bed room a few minutes later I slapped the light switch again and AGAIN nothing happened. That caught my attention. I stopped and played with the switch for a minute until I realized there was a strange smell coming from the switch accompanied by a thin curl of smoke curling up from some where in the innards of the wall. I have to be honest in telling you that visions of FIRE engulfing my house whipped through my head in a matter of seconds. Along with the mantra of "OH SHIT, OH SHIT, OH SHIT." I stepped into the den right out side our bedroom door and got Ger's attention. (I was a bit agitated and kept yelling turn off the TV!)  It did take him a few to realize I was in distress and not just trying to get him to turn off the TV.  I told Ger we had a fire and he needed to come look. With that I ran to the kitchen, grabbed the phone and an screw driver and headed back to the bedroom.

I have to tell you that while all this is going on and the visions of my house going up in flames is running through our heads the alternate vision is of the embarrassment of fire trucks racing up in front of our house, sirens blaring and lights flashing all for a small wisp of smoke. It is stupid, I know, but it was a factor in deciding whether to call 911 or not.
By now Ger was taking the switch plate off and when he burned his finger on the hot switch plate I dialled the phone.
"911 . . .  Police or Ambulance?"
"UMMM . . .  I have a switch plate that is smoking so I guess I need the fire department."
"Please hold"
"FIRE DEPARTMENT"
By then I was committed and the fire man was super nice and helpful. He asked it the smoke was filling the room . . . . I had to explain that the smoke was no longer even visible. But the nice man humored me and treated this very professionally.
Next thing our security guard from the community arrives, followed only moments later by 3 firemen and a silent, non lit up fire truck.  They checked the wall to make sure there was nothing smoldering in the wall, admired our house and took off back to the fire house to await the next crazy senior citizen with an emergency.

NEVER A DULL MOMENT !

OH, and the very funniest part . . . .  They wanted to know if Ger was an electrician because he knew to take off the switch plate and disconnect the switch from the wires !  Papa Danny would have been so proud of him!

I NEED MY TUNES TODAY

Anything is possible with music.  At the moment Eric Clapton is getting me through the day.  There is nothing like some familiar music to raise the spirits and calm the soul.

Nothing really going on here other than frustration. How can a man live 73 years and not eat a vegetable or a fruit as part of every meal? RITA, what were you thinking when you fed these children of yours? (Probably she was thinking how she was going to feed a family of 6 for the week without any money!) So I guess fruits and vegetables were considered a delicacy during the 40's & 50's because this man of mine just WILL NOT eat either one unless it is disguised in a pie or a casserole. Even then he has been known to pick things out and question their origin. I have no shame in telling him flat out that the piece of zucchini that he has separated from the rest of the pot pie is in fact a piece of onion. Because the fact is, he doesn't know a zucchini from an onion and can't taste the difference even if he knew what they were. But the fact remains that the man will not eat anything that is good for him or will help to make him healthy.
This has been a major challenge in fighting cancer. All the good healthy foods that would help fight the fight are not on Ger's list of foods he will eat.  Any and all suggestions are met with a look of horror that I would even suggest he put such and such a food into his face. But I never said it is impossible. Do you know what you can disguise in the form of a shake? And since I have never had a problem with "Little White Lies" we are managing to get a few healthy things into husband.

this has been a good week and the fact that Kyle was here from England sure did help. I basically had a few hours off when Kyle took Ger to the different treatments. I had an opportunity to cut out a dress for Kaelin's Halloween costume. She informed Keri last week that Grand ma was making her a witch costume so I got working on that. I have a vision of what I want to create but I am not so sure the finished product will look anything like my vision. but hey, witches are supposed to look all scraggly and ugly so I figure I really can't mess up too bad.

Now we are in for a quiet weekend of playing, "WHAT'S YOU GONNA EAT?" I asked Ger before what he felt like for dinner and he almost cried. So I put on the tunes and I'll create something in the kitchen that hopefully he will be able to digest.

NOT AS EASY AS IT SOUNDS

HI,  remember me ?   I am the blogger who never finds time to blog.  Don't ask . . .   Since H has started going to bed at 9:00 at night I have lost my evenings with the computer. I could resort to going back into the garage where all this started OH so many years ago but the thought of fighting my little PC when this beauty of a MAC is just sitting in the bedroom sleeping along with H just does not make me want to blog. Even though my brain is spilling over with all sorts of silly things I have been spoiled by this computer and just can't bring myself to hack away on the old PC.

Be this as it may, you may wonder why I don't blog during the day or (Silly you) in THE MORNING. I"m sure you know the answer to the latter . . .  I DON'T DO MORNINGS . . .  and as for finding time during the day, well, that just doesn't happen either.

Kyle is here this week !!!!!  It is a blessing! We sure did something right when we raised our kids and now we are seeing the proof.  Kyle arrived Saturday evening and drove down to the church where we were at mass. When we came out of mass there he was, a sight for sore eyes.  He had hoped to get to mass with us but the traffic coming up from Miami, where he landed at 2, was pretty heavy so he didn't make it to the church until mass was almost over. It was so good to see him there and know I wasn't alone for the week. Not that there is a lot to do but having my son here is comforting.

We spent the weekend cooking and cleaning up and playing with Smith on Sunday. Kent and Kristen came up to "distract" grandpa but I got lots of play time in with Smith while the "kids" took charge of cleaning up and cooking.  Grandpa pretty much sat in front of the TV. If it wasn't for his bald head and "ashy" color you wouldn't know there was anything different.

Today I was going to take Ger to radiation and then to the oncologist for a shot. BUT WAIT, Kyle is here to help . . .  Yesterday Kyle and I left Ger with the plan that Kyle would come with us. (Baby steps for H, the routine is changing and H does NOT do well with change.)  This morning I got up and dressed, (so H would know I wasn't planning on spending the day in bed). I then sat down with H and suggested Kyle take him to the doctors today. I swear he stopped breathing ! I slowly explained how nothing would change other than the person driving and when he stopped hyperventilating he started tossing out the "WHAT IFS ". What if the doctor has a question? What if there is a change in dates? What if . . . . .. . . . .. . .."  I told him that our 39 year old son who is brighter than H and I combined probably could handle any thing that came up.

And so, here I am. ALONE in the house, blogging and checking e-mails. Sitting in the bed room listening to my favorite little mocking bird who is outside singing his little heart out. Music to my ears!

All my friends are giving me the same advice.  It is the advice I have given to them many times. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF ! "When  Kyle is there do something for yourself."  And So I am, even thought it really isn't as easy as it sounds.

DISTRACTED

It has hit home today that I need to regroup, rewind and settle down.  I have been trying to be super woman since the news of lung cancer broke into our perfectly organized lives. I am neurotic by nature and need all my little ducks in a row. I have tried over the years to snap the rubber band on my wrist when I find myself getting too carried away with OCD and the therapist swears I have come a long way but this cancer thing has tipped my world. I immediately went into "CARE TAKER" mode and kept notes and made calls.  Researched everything on the computer, gathered all the information I could, shopped, cooked and tried to make sure all was going smoothly.

BUT . . .   as I quickly came to realize, I am NOT in control.  The BIG GUY upstairs is the only one who has any control over our lives and day to day living. I can plan, note and do all I can to THINK I am in control but then I have a morning like this that reminds me I am a mess.
These past weeks are a roller coaster.  Good Days,  Bad Days and some days that we just don't know what the hell is going on or how the hell we are feeling.  We have gone from our care free days of swimming in the pool, traveling when and where we want and eating out 90% of the time. Now we get up and just try to put our feet on the floor without falling over.

BUT . . .   I am Woman! (As that old Helen Ready songs says) and I can handle anything.  As long as I am not distracted. Let me tell you about how I started my day today. First, I COULD NOT wake up so save my soul. I AM TIRED !  I think I am sleeping at night but boy am I tired today. I waited till the last possible moment and then dragged myself up. Ger has to go to radiation every morning at 10:45 which means we leave here by 10:30. Why he isn't driving himself I don't know.  I haven't asked as he just seems quite happy with the way things are. The day he was diagnosed with Lung cancer he stopped driving . . .   Go figure. Makes me think he has given up already but that is not a topic we can broach quite yet. ANYWAY,  I got up out of bed, staggered into the potty and all to late realized that I was using the CLOROX wipes instead of the baby wipes on my delicate little bottom. As I hopped around the bathroom yelling "OH OH OH" all the while tripping over my PJ's which are tangled around my ankles I came to realize I am far from being SUPER WOMAN and a lot closer to being ELMO.

FOOD ISSUES

While Ger continues to loose weight guess who is gaining . . . .   Poor Ger just hasn't gotten a handle on this whole cancer thing and his weight is dropping.  The doctors tell him to EXPERIMENT !
Do they know who they are talking to ?  This is the man who doesn't eat things because they SOUND funny.  And they want him to experiment !
I cannot tell you how very frustrating this is for me.  I have wonderful resources and yet I just can't hit upon the right food and drink at the right time. Thanks to my man having such a limited menu of things he will eat on a good day things really get limited now that he is feeling "OFF".
The medications prescribed by the doctors are wonderful.  We have things to increase an appetite but Ger feels nauseous.  We have medications that will get rid of the nausea but then Ger won't take them because he doesn't feel nauseous, just a little gassy.  We have medications for gas but Ger won't take them because he doesn't want to drink anything. We have . . . .   are you getting the picture here?

I made a chocolate shake for the man this  morning but it didn't taste good. (Chocolate usually doesn't taste good when you are queasy but that is what he wanted.) Heaven forbid I should throw food away so I am drinking the "protein enriched" chocolate shake.  I made a different shake and I think he was afraid to say he didn't like that one so he IS drinking it.

I made a half of a ham sandwich because that is what he wanted. But he is only eating a quarter of it because he has already filled up on the shake. ( I swear I tried to give him the shake AFTER the sandwich but because the first on didn't taste right he waited to see how the second one would be and then chugged it because he really didn't like it either.) I can either put the quarter of a sandwich in a zip loc bag so it can sit in the fridge with the quarter of a chicken sandwich from last week or I can stuff it in my face. Want to guess where it will end up?

I have shopped for and cooked all sorts of food trying to entice Ger to eat but it just isn't working.  The TWO refrigerators are over flowing with food that I keep eating but so far nothing is appealing to poor Ger. If I would take my lead from him and only eat what he is eating I will be as skinny as anything but unfortunately I am of the generation of "Starving children in China" so I can't let a left over get past my mouth and into the garbage.

God really is playing a good joke on us.  And I can still see the humor in it !


P.S.    For my BFF who is going to visit her sister for the week . . . .  HAVE A SAFE TRIP and do a lot of laughing.  I'll try to supply you with some funny stuff.  Love you both !

LIVING IN A CIRCUS

My deepest apologies to any circus folks out there who will find my reference to "Living in a circus" offensive.  Admittedly, living in a circus is probably a lot calmer than my life right about now.
As you may note it is not even 10 AM yet and here I am blogging!  Just wanted you to share some of the fun I am having so far this morning.
Ger has been waking up around 8:30 on a pretty regular basis.  This is our new morning routine. I am so in-tune with his movements that as soon as he stirs I am awake. Along with waking up 20 times a night to listen to H's breathing. This is all new to me.  Ger slept GREAT last night .  Didn't wake up at all to pee.
By 8:45 Ger was ready to move and I was ready to roll over and get the best 45 minutes sleep of the night.  
 NOT !
I had barely rolled over when the phone rang.  Who else but a doctor's office.  Dr. J wants to see Ger at 2:45.  WE can't do that cause Dr. V wants to see Ger at 2:15 ! "Sorry, We can't do anything else" so that leaves me with finding the appointment book and calling Dr. V to try to change that appointment.  Their office doesn't open till 9 . . . call back in 15 minutes.  OK,  called back in 17 minutes and change the 2:15 to 1:00 thanks to a cancellation.  (The Gods are working with me this morning.)  Good to go all set to sit down and have a nice leisurely breakfast and a cup of tea.
NOT!
It's garbage day . . .   OK,  I collected the garbage last night so it is just a matter of putting it out. Ann Marie is going to "help". (I am going to write a book on HELPERS.  All the "DO'S AND DON'TS")
As we are grabbing garbage Ann notices a bug on the floor. I know it really isn't dead but she attempts to pick it up and off it goes. The chase is on and ends quickly with a smack of my flip flop. Another addition to the garbage.  Now we have to put out the recycling. Ann grabs a container, I grab a container and off we go out the garage door, which I stupidly prop open. Upon our return from the curb  we walk back into the garage in the company of a LARGE lizard that darted through the open door and ran around the garage with Ann Marie chasing it.  I got Ann out of the garage first and then proceeded to HERD the lizard around the garage and back to the door.  It took some doing but finally the little bugger ran back outside.
Now we can move on to getting ready to head out the door to doctor #1.  That went fairly smoothly until they told Ger that the Social Worker wanted to talk with him today. He did good and told them there was no time today, have to wait till tomorrow. Out the door of doctor #1, home to drop off Ann Marie and take a pee break and off to see doctor #2. The Oncologist is ALWAYS running late so we spent 2 hours there before we had to run off to see doctor #3.

It is now 4:30 in the afternoon, we have not had a moment to ourselves and now it is time to start dinner.      IF   the pool boy doesn't interrupt us with a problem with the pool because our resident raccoon pooped in the pool yesterday so we have to add lots of chemicals to counter act THAT MESS.

Do you know what I would give for just one day ALONE without having to think, schedule, plan, cook, clean or worry ?     Maybe Saturday!

RIDING THE WAVE

As I sat in the doctor's office today waiting with Ger I was running through my emails and came upon one from a long time friend and one from my daughter's mother-in-law.  Both notes caught me unaware and I found my self tearing up and having to dig for the tissues. 

Friends do that ! They just say the best things just when you need to hear something good. And it helps let the pressure off with a little sniffle or two.

I've been getting lots of notes like that these days.  I guess because I am putting all this crap out there I am hearing from some pretty awesome people.  And I LOVE it ! You can never say enough as far as I am concerned. Which is contrary to what I was feeling when Keri's M-I-L recently went through hell when her husband dropped at her feet and was in a coma for 3 months before passing away.

I didn't know WHAT to say! How do you talk to some one who is running back and forth to the hospital every day for 3 months not knowing what she will find? I have to confess, I was at a loss and therefore chose to say nothing.    I am so sorry Linda !   I see what a mistake that was. No matter what I could have said just the fact that I should have said something is what matters.

So thank you all for all your notes, sentences and words of love and encouragement.  I love you all and really really appreciated you keeping in touch with me.  

On a lighter note . . . 

A large package arrived today with Ger's name on it.  It came from a wonderful young man that we have known since he was born. Chris is now an employee of CNN in Manhattan and has contacts all over the TV world. We had just seen Chris and his brother, mom and grandma down here in Florida just after Ger was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. Chris being the softie that he is decided to give Ger a lift with a "few" things from FOX TV. (Note this is a "rival" TV station to CNN)  Inside the box Chris had stashed a RED SNUGGIE, A BLACK TEE SHIRT, A BLACK ZIP UP JACKET, 2 HATS, A WATER BOTTLE, A BOOK WRITTEN AND SIGNED BY SEAN HANNITY ALONG WITH AN AUTOGRAPHED FOOT BALL, AND 6 AUTOGRAPHED PHOTOS OF VARIOUS FOX NEWS PERSONALITIES.  Ger just about wet his pants, which is quite a feat these days!  This package has made his day and blown his mind.  

CHRISTOPHER . . . .  THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU !  This is the very best thing that has happened to Ger in the past 2 months.  WE love you !

WHEN GOD HEARS YOUR PRAYERS

DO NOT ever doubt that there IS a God and that He/She REALLY IS LISTENING!
I am finding that out the hard way. All these years of praying and praying to God asking that He would please, please make this man I am married to, more open and able to communicate and WHAM! God decides to answer my prayers NOW in this manner ?  Hello God . . .  this isn't what I was expecting.

Isn't that just the best part . . . God has HIS way of doing things and every so often likes to remind us of just WHO is in charge here.

I do see the humor in this and am talking to God a lot telling HIM just how very entertained I am that this is the way he has chosen to strengthen my marriage. I really do find this quite funny. Probably because I am not the one having to go through all the chemo, radiation and subsequent problems. NO, I am the one sitting back watching all this and saying, "Well I'll be dipped in shit and covered in bird turd! Look who is getting what she asked for."

Ger has never been one to share and I have just sat back and kept quiet to keep from upsetting the proverbial apple cart. Well folks let me tell you that God has been watching and listening and probably just got so sick and tired of listening to me piss and moan that he decided to hit me with that 2X4 that I keep telling HIM I need smacking with because I just don't get it. I GOT IT NOW LORD!

This whole cancer crap has woken both H and I up to the fact that we NEED to communicate and even more importantly WE NEED EACH OTHER. It is a work in progress and I don't know if we will really get it completely but we are  slowly coming out of our individual cocoons and waking up to the fact that we really do have to share.

Ger is getting better at speaking up when something is bothering him and not just giving me  the "Leave me alone" save of the hand and I am getting better at talking gently to him when asking how he is and not getting upset when he doesn't want to talk. How it has been  possible for 2 people to share their lives and yet be so far apart for such a long long time?  But God is giving us an opportunity here to try this again and with any luck we will do better and better each day.

Now if we are given the gift of a few  more years to practice this our marriage may just be made in heaven.