You know that old saying, "March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb". Well, our March comes in with a suitcase! It seems that the world has had quite enough of the Northern snow and cold and decided that they NEED to come to Florida for a visit. And what better place to go than the Lawlor's B&B. Unfortunately or fortunately (depending on how you look at it) G and I have done such a good job of entertaining guests that they insist on returning.
This year it will be interesting . . . after 7 months of cancer fighting I don't know how we will both respond to house guests but we are giving it a try. Fortunately for all of us Aunt Ann Marie is the first visitor to arrive. She is, as I have mentioned numerous times before, THE PERFECT COMPANION/HOUSE GUEST. She goes with the flow and knows when to go outside and read her book and leave us alone.
We just don't know how Ger is going to handle company and I honestly don't know how I will do either. Ger tires so easily and has been quite happy just sitting in his chair for the past 7 months that adding another person to the mix will be interesting. Ann DOES like to talk. Normally Ger can keep up with her with no trouble but this may be different. My listening skills have been reduced to "selective hearing" so I should be OK. And there is always the computer to turn to when things get to intense.
At the same time that Ann is staying with us our good friends from NY are arriving for a months stay here in PBG. The came down last year and we had a grand time going here and there. BUT, again, G has not been going and doing anything. So if we aren't going that means people are coming HERE. I love company but find it totally exhausting these days. Maybe I can put AnnMarie to work and she can entertain and I can sit? That is an option! I actually would LOVE to be going places so maybe I can leave Ann Marie here and I will go with my BFF and get some good girl time in. It's good to keep my options open.
Before Ann leaves G and Ann's brother and sister-in-law from Boston are arriving for about 5 days. They will be staying at their big brother's house here in PBG so there will be a family reunion for the 4 siblings. That is AWESOME! and a great treat for all. Can we all guess where we will end up gathering? We just have the perfect home for entertaining so I hope they will all come here even if it means my having to cater and clean.
Once Ann leaves we have another couple from NY visiting just for an overnight. Again, I am looking forward to seeing them and having a distraction from "just Ger". We haven't seen Jim and Kathy in ages and our friendship goes back about 45 years. I am really looking forward to that visit.
Once they leave there is a week to recoup and then, TA DA, finally, the best of the bunch, KERI AND STEVE, KAELIN AND FINLEY arrive for a week !!!!
I figure by then I will be so in shape from all the other house guests that we will be ready for some little people for grand ma to play with.
Hopefully Ger will survive all this. It will mean him moving from one chair to another but I think he is well enough now to handle that. As for me, I am thinking I will break into that unused supply of pot pills that G no longer wants to take. I can probably us a little extra energy.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
IT'S NOT ALL GLOOM AND DOOM
So . . . . Seven months into the whole cancer world and we are still alive and kicking. Ger isn't kicking as high as he used to but he is kicking! I am choosing not to kick him as often as I did and that is a good thing. Husband has actually become a gentler person through this experience. God has given us an opportunity to see each other in a different light and to learn a little more about what makes each other happy. Isn't that amazing !
Since our diagnosis back in early August of last year Ger and I have had A LOT of time to be together. We do well in those circumstances normally but this has tested our limits. Ger still gets pissed off quite easily when he thinks I am acting like his mother but he is also beginning to see that he needs me in his life right now and maybe, just maybe I am not his mother but his wife. (He has ALWAYS had mother issues.) These days G has been a lot more tolerant of my "care giving". You all know that the man can't find food in a grocery store and he gets lost in a paper bag but when he is gagging to hold down dinner he now lets me get him some ginger ale. What I'm saying is, G has become more aware of my trying to help rather than looking at me as an annoyance.
I don't know if that is God's doing or maybe it is all just a big joke being played on me. We ARE dealing with CHEMO BRAIN as one factor in this change in G. All that poison and radiation has surely effected some/many brain cells. I know G appreciates my book keeping and scheduling skills in keeping track of appointments and bills. He even has admitted that he needs help in figuring out what pills to take when. (All while accusing me of thinking I am a doctor.) But add to the brain draining chemo and radiation and this person I am married to is a trip and a half!
So half his brain is chemo addled . . . now the doctor adds some POT PILLS to increase his appetite. Having never been a user G and I did not know what to expect, but as I have written before, it was fun to watch. Mr. Fuzzy brain is now having trouble keeping track of his feet and where they are taking him. I find him wandering around the house at times trying to figure out where he was going or what he was doing. (That is my usual state. I find myself standing in the middle of a room without a clue as to why I was there.) But G is FUNNY! Now we add to this brain some mild narcotics and boy do we have a comedy act in the making! G had a pain in his side the other day. From his description I figured it was just a muscle pull. But since I am often reminded that I DO NOT have my medical degree we decided to let the oncologist know about this new development. She prescribes a mild pain killer containing narcotics.
All I can say is Ger is orbiting some where around Mars and trying to have a conversation with him is like talking to a tree. Just as an example, this transpired 2 nights ago:
Me . . . "Ger, you left an empty water bottle in the kitchen. Do you want to save it to refill ?"
Ger . . . "NO!" "I am going to save it so I can refill it."
Who's confused? I am thinking I will start taking some of the pot pills so that my brain can get on the same level as G's and then maybe we will make even more sense to each other.
Since our diagnosis back in early August of last year Ger and I have had A LOT of time to be together. We do well in those circumstances normally but this has tested our limits. Ger still gets pissed off quite easily when he thinks I am acting like his mother but he is also beginning to see that he needs me in his life right now and maybe, just maybe I am not his mother but his wife. (He has ALWAYS had mother issues.) These days G has been a lot more tolerant of my "care giving". You all know that the man can't find food in a grocery store and he gets lost in a paper bag but when he is gagging to hold down dinner he now lets me get him some ginger ale. What I'm saying is, G has become more aware of my trying to help rather than looking at me as an annoyance.
I don't know if that is God's doing or maybe it is all just a big joke being played on me. We ARE dealing with CHEMO BRAIN as one factor in this change in G. All that poison and radiation has surely effected some/many brain cells. I know G appreciates my book keeping and scheduling skills in keeping track of appointments and bills. He even has admitted that he needs help in figuring out what pills to take when. (All while accusing me of thinking I am a doctor.) But add to the brain draining chemo and radiation and this person I am married to is a trip and a half!
So half his brain is chemo addled . . . now the doctor adds some POT PILLS to increase his appetite. Having never been a user G and I did not know what to expect, but as I have written before, it was fun to watch. Mr. Fuzzy brain is now having trouble keeping track of his feet and where they are taking him. I find him wandering around the house at times trying to figure out where he was going or what he was doing. (That is my usual state. I find myself standing in the middle of a room without a clue as to why I was there.) But G is FUNNY! Now we add to this brain some mild narcotics and boy do we have a comedy act in the making! G had a pain in his side the other day. From his description I figured it was just a muscle pull. But since I am often reminded that I DO NOT have my medical degree we decided to let the oncologist know about this new development. She prescribes a mild pain killer containing narcotics.
All I can say is Ger is orbiting some where around Mars and trying to have a conversation with him is like talking to a tree. Just as an example, this transpired 2 nights ago:
Me . . . "Ger, you left an empty water bottle in the kitchen. Do you want to save it to refill ?"
Ger . . . "NO!" "I am going to save it so I can refill it."
Who's confused? I am thinking I will start taking some of the pot pills so that my brain can get on the same level as G's and then maybe we will make even more sense to each other.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
READY TO TRAVEL
Not that I am going any where but I AM READY ! This cancer crap has been a bummer in more ways than you can imagine. Our big complaint is that we have not been able to travel like we did. But all that is soon to change!
Ger is doing and looking so much better just knowing he does not have any more chemo on the calendar. He tires easily and has a ways to go before we do any big travels but he is on the mend.
Getting email from our family in England is NOT helping to calm our travel bug. The latest news is from les Alpes, France. The London Lawlor's are skiing for the week in the French Alps. The kids have the week off so this trip was planned for them. Kyle is NOT a fan of skiing, I'm not too sure how Bridget feels about it but the kids are loving it. This is the third winter they have flown to France to ski and will probably be their last opportunity before they return to the states. I think Roman and Abby wanted to try snow boarding this trip. They can ask Aunt Keri and Uncle Steve for pointers on that. Keri and Steve spent a few vacations snow boarding way back when they didn't have children yet. I don't know that they would try it now but they could give advice.
I'd like to go to France! Or back to England! Or maybe even Vero Beach. But for now we are staying around home. But that doesn't mean I can't plan and dream. If I were able I would be on a plane today heading for Maryland to see Kaelin and Finn. Kaelin celebrates her fifth birthday on Wednesday this week and I would give anything to be there for the celebration. A week or two later and I might have been able to convince Ger to go but it is just too soon after his last chemo for him to make a trip like that. So I will be patient and wait for Keri and family to come to us the end of March. The time is passing awfully fast these days so I know they will be here before I can blink but right now I have a bug in my bottom that is wanting to get in the car or on a plane and GO some place. Not that I don't have a TON of things to do here but none of that is fun. Like income taxes! BLAUGH ! Thank goodness we don't have much money and no property except the house. NO stock, no millions hidden away in the Caymen Islands, nothing much to declare. This all makes tax time a pretty easy process. But there are still all the receipts from donations to gather and sort. Still all the retirement income forms to gather and don't forget the HUGE (ha ha ha ha) Social Security benefits. Thank goodness we have great medical coverage so that isn't a problem. We are blessed in all we have and it only takes me a day to gather and sort forms and paper to send off to our tax man. No way am I doning this myself. I figure if the government is coming after me for taxs I want some one between me and the IRS.
Now all I have to do is tear myself away from this computer and get working on the tax papers. I will put on the FUZZY PINK ROBE to stay warm, (it's only 45 degrees here today! That's like 20 below to you folks up north.), I'll head to comand central out in the garage with my giant old desk and all my files and hunker down until I get this done.
Then I can start day dreaming about traveling again. Or maybe not if the government takes too much of our money!
Ger is doing and looking so much better just knowing he does not have any more chemo on the calendar. He tires easily and has a ways to go before we do any big travels but he is on the mend.
Getting email from our family in England is NOT helping to calm our travel bug. The latest news is from les Alpes, France. The London Lawlor's are skiing for the week in the French Alps. The kids have the week off so this trip was planned for them. Kyle is NOT a fan of skiing, I'm not too sure how Bridget feels about it but the kids are loving it. This is the third winter they have flown to France to ski and will probably be their last opportunity before they return to the states. I think Roman and Abby wanted to try snow boarding this trip. They can ask Aunt Keri and Uncle Steve for pointers on that. Keri and Steve spent a few vacations snow boarding way back when they didn't have children yet. I don't know that they would try it now but they could give advice.
I'd like to go to France! Or back to England! Or maybe even Vero Beach. But for now we are staying around home. But that doesn't mean I can't plan and dream. If I were able I would be on a plane today heading for Maryland to see Kaelin and Finn. Kaelin celebrates her fifth birthday on Wednesday this week and I would give anything to be there for the celebration. A week or two later and I might have been able to convince Ger to go but it is just too soon after his last chemo for him to make a trip like that. So I will be patient and wait for Keri and family to come to us the end of March. The time is passing awfully fast these days so I know they will be here before I can blink but right now I have a bug in my bottom that is wanting to get in the car or on a plane and GO some place. Not that I don't have a TON of things to do here but none of that is fun. Like income taxes! BLAUGH ! Thank goodness we don't have much money and no property except the house. NO stock, no millions hidden away in the Caymen Islands, nothing much to declare. This all makes tax time a pretty easy process. But there are still all the receipts from donations to gather and sort. Still all the retirement income forms to gather and don't forget the HUGE (ha ha ha ha) Social Security benefits. Thank goodness we have great medical coverage so that isn't a problem. We are blessed in all we have and it only takes me a day to gather and sort forms and paper to send off to our tax man. No way am I doning this myself. I figure if the government is coming after me for taxs I want some one between me and the IRS.
Now all I have to do is tear myself away from this computer and get working on the tax papers. I will put on the FUZZY PINK ROBE to stay warm, (it's only 45 degrees here today! That's like 20 below to you folks up north.), I'll head to comand central out in the garage with my giant old desk and all my files and hunker down until I get this done.
Then I can start day dreaming about traveling again. Or maybe not if the government takes too much of our money!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
CHEMO BRAIN IS BACK
I am getting good at recognizing these different stages of chemo withdrawal. This past weekend and yesterday were the "QUEASY" days. I have actually gotten Ger to take his nausea pill BEFORE he feels sick. That only took us 6 months to figure out!
Then there are the waffles that I made for him using BOOST instead of water. That way he gets his protein without eating protein. Sneaky but effective!
Today though is a chemo brain day. Ger has lost all ability to think . . . . He can not process anything except Fox news. And even that is a problem. (I have a problem with that on my best days!) Trying to talk with the man today is like talking to a dyslexic guppy. Anything I say to the man is met with a totally BLANK stare. I wait to see if the words are penetrating his brain in any way, shape or form. When I get nothing I repeat myself and wait yet again. After that I just say, "Oh, never mind." and walk away. There really isn't anything short of yelling, "FIRE!" that needs to get into his brain when he is like this. On chemo brain days I just put food and drink in front of him and let him take it from there. Much more than that is beyond him. I wanted to go to lunch with Jeanne and Frank, who by the way are STILL in Florida, thanks to the snow storm up North. I asked Ger if he would like to go out to eat. BLANK . . . I asked Ger if he would like to eat with Jeanne and Frank. BLANK . . . I finally just told him to put his shorts on because we were going out. That worked well. It's the questions that Ger just can't handle. That and standing up. The chemo makes him very weak and woozy. Yesterday he was sitting on the toilet and got up too fast and stumbled forward falling into the towel holder. Nice scrape on his head as a result. (Scared the hell out of me!)
I joke about the poor guy but seeing him at this phase of "recovery" where he has lost nearly 30 pounds and all his hair, he looks like such an old man. This is NOT the Gerry Lawlor that we all know. Ger was always so full of life and energy, (even if the energy was focused on the recliner and Fox news). To see him shaky and unsteady is unsettling. EXCEPT . . . I KNOW he is recovering and will make a come back over these next 6 months. At least his body will . . . I fear his brain is shot to hell for the moment and may take a bit longer to recover. No problem there, life with Ger is much more entertaining with chemo brain!
Then there are the waffles that I made for him using BOOST instead of water. That way he gets his protein without eating protein. Sneaky but effective!
Today though is a chemo brain day. Ger has lost all ability to think . . . . He can not process anything except Fox news. And even that is a problem. (I have a problem with that on my best days!) Trying to talk with the man today is like talking to a dyslexic guppy. Anything I say to the man is met with a totally BLANK stare. I wait to see if the words are penetrating his brain in any way, shape or form. When I get nothing I repeat myself and wait yet again. After that I just say, "Oh, never mind." and walk away. There really isn't anything short of yelling, "FIRE!" that needs to get into his brain when he is like this. On chemo brain days I just put food and drink in front of him and let him take it from there. Much more than that is beyond him. I wanted to go to lunch with Jeanne and Frank, who by the way are STILL in Florida, thanks to the snow storm up North. I asked Ger if he would like to go out to eat. BLANK . . . I asked Ger if he would like to eat with Jeanne and Frank. BLANK . . . I finally just told him to put his shorts on because we were going out. That worked well. It's the questions that Ger just can't handle. That and standing up. The chemo makes him very weak and woozy. Yesterday he was sitting on the toilet and got up too fast and stumbled forward falling into the towel holder. Nice scrape on his head as a result. (Scared the hell out of me!)
I joke about the poor guy but seeing him at this phase of "recovery" where he has lost nearly 30 pounds and all his hair, he looks like such an old man. This is NOT the Gerry Lawlor that we all know. Ger was always so full of life and energy, (even if the energy was focused on the recliner and Fox news). To see him shaky and unsteady is unsettling. EXCEPT . . . I KNOW he is recovering and will make a come back over these next 6 months. At least his body will . . . I fear his brain is shot to hell for the moment and may take a bit longer to recover. No problem there, life with Ger is much more entertaining with chemo brain!
Monday, February 11, 2013
CURE FOR OLD AGE
Getting older? Feeling tired? Can't sleep that well at night? Bones so achy that you don't want to move around much? Just feeling slow and lethargic? I HAVE THE CURE !
Spend 24 hours with a 2 year old and you will be as young and active as you were at twenty!
We had Smith here on Saturday for an over night and if anything will keep me moving he will ! What a great time we had! Smith's mom and dad had a big DJ event to attend so they asked if their little man could come to grand ma's for the night. I think I said YES before they even stopped speaking! This little guy is a joy to spend time with.
Up until Smith was born we were grand parents to two wonderful little GIRLS. Abby was our first grand child and then Kaelin came along 3 years later. Little girls are delightful. We have tea parties, play dolls and castles and princesses. Then Smith was born and Grand ma was introduced to the world of little BOYS. (Having been a kindergarten and preschool teacher I did know that little boys and little girls are very different. But it had been years since our own children were little and since I was teaching so Smith was a bit of a shock.)
Captain Destructo, as his parents call him, arrived yesterday around 4. He IS NOT a destructive child at all but he is a boy! NO sissy ass girl toys for this little man. Out came the trucks and cars and we were off and running. Ger stayed clear of most of the action which was a wise choice. Hot wheel cars were zooming through out the house, Huge dump trucks were carting sand across the patio from one sand pit to another and all this accompanied by shouts of "COME ON GRANDMA!" We buried and dug up all the jungle animals and "fixed" the rocking chair with the toy tools. There was not a single tea party to be had.
By dinner I was pooped when I asked Smith what he would like to eat. "HOT DOGS!" was his answer which was an excellent choice because of their ease to prepare. That along with some mac and cheese and apple sauce was our dinner of choice. Smith ate 3 hot dogs, a half jar of apple sauce and some mac and cheese. Ger and I couldn't believe how this little guy packed away the food. After dinner there was some more play with cars and then bath and bed.
Having any of our grand kids stay over guarantees I don't sleep soundly. Since Smith is no longer in a crib at home he wanted to sleep in the "big" bed in the guest bedroom. I had pillows on the floor all around the bed and in spite of the bed rail Smith did manage to fall out of the bed some where in the middle of the night. No problem, a few startled tears but no injuries. Thanks to all our adventures the little man slept until just about 7 AM ! And his parents complain that he gets up at 5 ! Not happening at Grand ma's house. We came out and snuggled and watched ICE AGE 2 before breakfast and then just continued playing where we had left off on Saturday.
I think Smith asked for his parents twice but didn't dwell on their absence. We were too busy! Grandma was up and down off the floor all day and today I am accessing the damage. THERE IS NONE ! Spending this time with Smith is the best thing for me. He keeps me moving and not snacking. He entertains me endlessly and the laughter never stops. He is the best cure for old age!
And when that little voice says, "I LOVE YOU GRANDMA" it just melts my heart !
Spend 24 hours with a 2 year old and you will be as young and active as you were at twenty!
We had Smith here on Saturday for an over night and if anything will keep me moving he will ! What a great time we had! Smith's mom and dad had a big DJ event to attend so they asked if their little man could come to grand ma's for the night. I think I said YES before they even stopped speaking! This little guy is a joy to spend time with.
Up until Smith was born we were grand parents to two wonderful little GIRLS. Abby was our first grand child and then Kaelin came along 3 years later. Little girls are delightful. We have tea parties, play dolls and castles and princesses. Then Smith was born and Grand ma was introduced to the world of little BOYS. (Having been a kindergarten and preschool teacher I did know that little boys and little girls are very different. But it had been years since our own children were little and since I was teaching so Smith was a bit of a shock.)
Captain Destructo, as his parents call him, arrived yesterday around 4. He IS NOT a destructive child at all but he is a boy! NO sissy ass girl toys for this little man. Out came the trucks and cars and we were off and running. Ger stayed clear of most of the action which was a wise choice. Hot wheel cars were zooming through out the house, Huge dump trucks were carting sand across the patio from one sand pit to another and all this accompanied by shouts of "COME ON GRANDMA!" We buried and dug up all the jungle animals and "fixed" the rocking chair with the toy tools. There was not a single tea party to be had.
By dinner I was pooped when I asked Smith what he would like to eat. "HOT DOGS!" was his answer which was an excellent choice because of their ease to prepare. That along with some mac and cheese and apple sauce was our dinner of choice. Smith ate 3 hot dogs, a half jar of apple sauce and some mac and cheese. Ger and I couldn't believe how this little guy packed away the food. After dinner there was some more play with cars and then bath and bed.
Having any of our grand kids stay over guarantees I don't sleep soundly. Since Smith is no longer in a crib at home he wanted to sleep in the "big" bed in the guest bedroom. I had pillows on the floor all around the bed and in spite of the bed rail Smith did manage to fall out of the bed some where in the middle of the night. No problem, a few startled tears but no injuries. Thanks to all our adventures the little man slept until just about 7 AM ! And his parents complain that he gets up at 5 ! Not happening at Grand ma's house. We came out and snuggled and watched ICE AGE 2 before breakfast and then just continued playing where we had left off on Saturday.
I think Smith asked for his parents twice but didn't dwell on their absence. We were too busy! Grandma was up and down off the floor all day and today I am accessing the damage. THERE IS NONE ! Spending this time with Smith is the best thing for me. He keeps me moving and not snacking. He entertains me endlessly and the laughter never stops. He is the best cure for old age!
And when that little voice says, "I LOVE YOU GRANDMA" it just melts my heart !
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
SITING IN CHEMO
It has been a good month. Our NY friends have been entertaining us and keeping Ger on his toes. We have made it through six months of treatments and today SHOULD be the last of it! To celebrate this occasion Keri is on a plane on her way to surprise Ger. She is taking a couple of days off from work and family and coming down to see her dad. I will leave chemo in a half hour or so to go pick her up at the airport. That's if they actually get this chemo session started. We got here an hour ago, got settled, had the line put into Ger's port and had some blood samples taken. Today Ger's red blood count is low so we are waiting on the doctor to see if she will go ahead with today's treatment. Wouldn't that be a laugh !
And so we wait.
In the meantime a family update is in order. I have really been terrible about writing this blog. Ger going to bed at 9 is totally throwing me off. I don't find time to write during the day and my creative side doesn't wake up till after ten. And that is my story and I am sticking to it.
The London Lawlor's are alive and busy as ever. At the moment Abby and her mom are in Atlanta. Abby is taking entrance exams for Catholic school for when she returns to the states this summer. YES ! The London Lawlor's are returning to Georgia as of July. Kyle has gotten another promotion and will now be in charge of all the US offices in stead of Europe. They are ready to come home. But before they do they have some traveling to do. Roman and & Kyle just visited Henry VIII's castle. In a couple of weeks they will be skiing in France. There is a trip to Scotland for a few days over Easter vacation and a cruise in the Mediterranean before they leave England for good. I wonder where they will travel once they are back in the states for good.
The rest of the family is doing super. Smith is continuing to work on being toilet trained. Mom and dad say it is going well but I did read something about Smith standing on his bed the other night in defiance of going to sleep and peeing all over the bed. No comment on the part of grandma since I stopped laughing.
My little loves in Maryland are all doing great and I can't wait till the end of March when they will all be here for a week.
Got to head to the airport so that's it for now. Hoe to see you soon. C
And so we wait.
In the meantime a family update is in order. I have really been terrible about writing this blog. Ger going to bed at 9 is totally throwing me off. I don't find time to write during the day and my creative side doesn't wake up till after ten. And that is my story and I am sticking to it.
The London Lawlor's are alive and busy as ever. At the moment Abby and her mom are in Atlanta. Abby is taking entrance exams for Catholic school for when she returns to the states this summer. YES ! The London Lawlor's are returning to Georgia as of July. Kyle has gotten another promotion and will now be in charge of all the US offices in stead of Europe. They are ready to come home. But before they do they have some traveling to do. Roman and & Kyle just visited Henry VIII's castle. In a couple of weeks they will be skiing in France. There is a trip to Scotland for a few days over Easter vacation and a cruise in the Mediterranean before they leave England for good. I wonder where they will travel once they are back in the states for good.
The rest of the family is doing super. Smith is continuing to work on being toilet trained. Mom and dad say it is going well but I did read something about Smith standing on his bed the other night in defiance of going to sleep and peeing all over the bed. No comment on the part of grandma since I stopped laughing.
My little loves in Maryland are all doing great and I can't wait till the end of March when they will all be here for a week.
Got to head to the airport so that's it for now. Hoe to see you soon. C
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