I am a kid at heart. Growing up my favorite book was "Peter Pan" . . . The idea of being a kid forever and never growing up filled my mind with endless dreams. If only I could be a kid living on my own with like minded children experiencing new adventures each and every day, Oh My, that would be amazing.
But then I got old.
I have never stopped having adventures and I honestly don't think I have ever REALLY grown up. My mind remains that of a 12 year old even when my body continues to age and remind me each and every day that I am NOT 12, (or twenty or forty or even sixty), any more. There is no Peter Pan and there is no Neverland but that does NOT mean I have to FEEL old.
As a result of my desire to never grow up I became a Kindergarten teacher. I could identify with the mentality of a 5 year old, I still do. So as the years went by I continued to spend as much of my time as possible hanging out with children. I have always believed that children keep you young. How can you not feel young while playing with a kid on a play ground or going to a kid's movie and laughing until you cry? It has always worked for me . . . until now.
It seems that once you hit a certain age your body just will not function well enough to be able to keep up with a young child. I came to the most upsetting realization several years ago when I discovered I could no longer skip. As a kid that was my number one mode of movement. I did not walk or run . . . I skipped . . . EVERYWHERE ! I was devastated the day I realized my body would not and could not perform well enough to allow me to skip. I couldn't believe it ! How could this happen? I thought I remembered how to skip but for what ever reason I just could not actually do it. That was my first warning sign that something was amiss.
Years later I am still unable to skip but the list of "can not's" has grown. I can not run more than 3 steps, I can not jump rope, (as if I would ever want to), and I can not walk a straight line even while sober. I have come to realize that age has taken over my body so I am not a kid any more.
But my brain is still that of a 12 year old! The creeping realization that I can't physically keep up with children was starting to wear on me and I began to fear I would soon give in to "Old Age".
And then God slapped me upside my head !
I went to visit Cousin Lu the other day. She is doing fairly well in her new home. Mangrove Bay Adult Community has been a good fit for her. It took a while for her to settle in to her new residence and she is still having some difficulty making friends, (mostly because she does not play well with others), but she has hired a lovely young woman to assist her in her daily needs and that has made life easier.
Because I visit her often I have become friendly with the staff and several of the other residents. If I stop to think about it many of them are probably not much older than me but for one reason or another they have either chosen or have had to move to this wonderful place. (The residence is actually like a cruise ship and the food and entertainment are top of the line. I can see why someone would want to live there.)
Anyway . . . When ever I visit Cousin Lu I come home feeling younger than when I went. It seems that if you want to feel young all you have to do is hang out with old people. My almost 77 year old body feels VERY young when I am standing next to a woman using a walker or a man shuffling down the hall to get his mail. I may not be able to skip but I do NOT shuffle. I may not be able to run but I don't need a walker to walk. I may not be able to run after my grand kids but I still want to and I do still try.
And so I will continue to hang out with friends who are young enough to be my daughter and friends who are my age but not as young at heart. The whole age thing is a mind game. I will not allow myself to FEEL old even when I want to just sit in a chair all day and read a book or nap. And if I need a reminder of what I don't want to become all I have to do is go hang out with some "old" folks. That makes me feel like I'm 12 again.
