ON VACATION

Sorry I haven't been around for a few days . . .   we went camping !

Normally The Man and I would be in Alaska for most of the summer but thanks to Covid 19 we can not drive through Canada because the Canadians have very wisely closed their borders to all Americans.  When the US tries to do something like that we are criticized for being racist as opposed to being smart. 

Canada seems to have a lot more sense than the US !   Maybe we should pay more attention to them.

Anyway . . .   can't drive to Alaska without going through Canada so here we are, stuck in the U S of A for the summer.  Not such a bad thing actually except for the fact that there seem to be a LOT more idiots in the US that are spreading the Corona Virus rather than wearing masks and social distancing.  That being said we just returned from 3 wonderful days of camping in a Michigan State Park where we DID indeed wear masks when in public places !

The Man's brother and sister-in-law invited us to join them and one other couple to camp at Lake Gogebic in the northwestern part of the Upper Peninsula.  It is a state park and very well maintained. The campsites were HUGE so social distancing was no problem at all.  The only time I needed my mask was when we checked in at the ranger station and when I used the public rest room and shower.  The Man never used either of these things because of his need to be on oxygen 24/7. He took care of all his needs right in our little RV.  Each morning we walked to the next site where Dean and Lisa were camping and spent the morning with them. Our site was right on the waters edge so all of us went swimming in the lake each day while The Man stayed on shore and "held down the fort". There was a nap every afternoon and then back to their campsite for dinner and drinks each afternoon and evening. 

The days were warm and sunny with a cool breeze blowing in off the lake. By evening it was down right chilly sitting out so we headed back to our RV by 8 each evening and relaxed watching TV until we fell asleep around 11:00.  The second night we were there both The Man and I slept eleven hours !!!!!  Talk about comfortable and relaxed !  

Not only were we comfortable and relaxed, the other two couples did all the cooking.  The first night we had "Christmas Dinner" of spiral ham, cheesy potatoes and fresh picked string beans all cooked on an open fire. The we exchanged Christmas gifts from under the Christmas Tree that Lisa brought while listening to Christmas carols, all in the glow of Christmas lights that were strung across the camp site.  I'm sure the neighboring campers thought we had lost our minds but it was so much fun ! 

The second dinner provided by chef Dave and his wife Debbie were three roast chickens that had been seasoned the prior evening and then slow cooked over the open fire. Dave has this contraption that is a metal box mounted on a pole that is stuck in the ground on the edge of the fire pit.  The box swivels around and can be raised and lowered depending on the heat being produced by the fire.  He puts the meat on a grill and then covers it with the metal box so the meat slow cooks. In the case of the ham he put that in a roasting pan which sat on the grill under the box and it all cooks just like a regular oven.  It's quite ingenious and works wonderfully.  I don't think I have ever eaten this good while camping.  

I think the Girl Scouts could take some lessons from Dave. 

So after all this eating and relaxing The Man and I are back once again to the homestead in Gladstone and ready to get back into doing nothing here. It was a fantastic couple of days and I loved the relaxation and companionship of the others.  The Man did great managing his oxygen and the little walk between camp sites.  It was a good change of scenery but he is glad to be back home where he feels more secure with his back up oxygen supplies.  I can't imaging what it must be like for him so I give him a lot of credit for taking this adventure.  

The only one problem was The Man did NOTHING worth writing about !!!  Sorry about that.  No blogs compliments of The Man's actions.   But we're home now so just give me a day or two and I'm sure I'll be writing full time !

ANIMAL PLANET

I am sitting out in the yard at The Man's house and I feel like I am in a National Geographic special.
This is one of the most serene and beautiful places I have ever spent time and if it wasn't for the occasional bitting fly it would be one step this side of Paradise.

Florida is paradise but in a different sort of way and NEVER in the summer months. I have to admit I am NOT missing my "home" state in the least this summer. In fact I probably won't even think about returning there until the first snow arrives in Northern Michigan around August 21st.   Just kidding, it probably won't snow until at least October.

But back to what I am experiencing sitting out here this afternoon.  First off it is about 74 degrees, breeze blowing in off Lake Michigan which is about 2 miles away.  The sun is strong when you are out in the sunshine but sitting here under the big Maple tree it is almost cool.

We have spent the day packing up the RV for a 3 night / 4 day camping trip to a lake about 3 hours away from here in the North Western part of the Upper Peninsula.  We will leave tomorrow around noon and get to Goegobic State Park around 3 in the afternoon.  We will meet up with The Man's brother and sister-in-law and another couple for some chill days of relaxation, good food and plenty of drinks.

Normally we would be in Alaska right now but the Canadians still have the borders closed to us crazy Americans. (Can't say as I blame them! I also heard the Bahamas are shut down to Americans. Smart Countries!). We had all intentions of driving to Alaska again in the RV like we did last year but when that washed out we decided to take Dean and Lisa up on their invitation to camp at the park with them.  Fortunately we were able to get a spot for the 3 nights so we are really looking forward to the next couple of days.

It's been a wonderful summer so far up here and I am not anxious to get moving in any direction but it will be a nice change of routine and an opportunity for The Man to get "off the reservation".  It's not easy to travel when you are dragging your oxygen around with you so camping in our RV is the perfect way to go.

Anyway . . .   We took the day to do some laundry and pack up what we need and now we are sitting here on the patio just taking a breath before we move on to the next chore before we go.  (I still have to walk out to the barn to get some corn to toss around for the deer. They get really pissed when I forget !)       As we sit here we are watching the buzzards circling way high above us, just coasting on the up drafts and looking like they don't have a care in the world.  Every so often one of the many eagles flies by heading for the pond to take a drink, relax in the sun and possibly have a juicy frog for a snack.  The crows are making their usual God Awful racket in the trees around us and out in the grass in the drive way there are four little yellow birds pecking away at who knows what.  I think the yellow birds are finches and they come to the bird feeder all the time.  The humming birds are all at the back of the house because that's where their feeder is. Waiting "in the wings" for their turn at the bird seed are the Mourning Doves, Cow Birds, Blue Birds, (that are the most brilliant shade of blue I have ever seen), Sparrows, Robins and who knows what other species there are.  In about a half hour the two Sand Hill Cranes will come walking across the field looking for the corn that is supposed to be for the deer but in this world its first come first serve or  maybe its "The early bird gets the corn".

The area all around The Man's house is open field so we have a great spot to watch all God's Creatures. The sky is ALWAYS amazing with billowy clouds drifting by. I can't even remember what it is like in Florida right about now . . . Too hot for sure and probably thunderstorms popping up at a moments notice.  Not missing any of that one single bit !!

Just to let you know I am loving life right about now. The pain in my leg has completely disappeared so I guess I'll be around for a bit longer to enjoy the beauty of God's Earth.  And thanking God every day for this gift !

JULY HEAT

Today is July 23rd . . . Here in Michigan it was a beautiful day . . .74 degrees and sunny with the ever present breeze blowing in off the lake. It was the sort of day that my family and friends in South Florida would KILL for in July.

Yesterday, July 22nd was not as nice as today but by no means was it horrible.  Yesterday the temperature only got up to about 67 and it was cloudy with intermittent showers through out the day. It was the PERFECT day to do nothing ! If I got really energized I could read a book, play some games on my iPad, take a nap, watch some TV . . . all of which I did do at different points of the day. The only down side to a wonderful day of relaxation is that I was dying from the heat while The Man sat in his jeans and flannel shirt with the thermostat cranked up to 80.

There apparently is some correlation in the mind of this man that if the sun is not shining it MUST be COLD !  I don't know where this comes from, maybe from years of living in Alaska and Northern Michigan where the winter days see little to no sun light and the temperatures drop into the minus forties but that is in THE WINTER . . . December, January, February . . .   THIS IS JULY !!!!!!!!!
I don't care if you are living in the Arctic, it is going to be warmer in July and August than it is in January and February.  And no matter how cloudy and rainy it may get you do NOT have to turn the heat on in the house.

Yes, yes, the house is older, it sits out in the open it can get chilly on a rainy day but if that is the case you just close all the windows, put on your sweat pants and sweat shirt and hunker down with a nice cup of hot chocolate. If that fails to toast your buns then turn on the oven and bake some cookies. That is always a win win solution for me.  Oh, wait,  remember we don't use the oven because . . .  I have no idea why so I guess that option is out. (The toaster oven just does not radiate heat like the big oven.)
Another solution is get into the bed and pull up the covers because the woman in the room with you is radiating off enough heat to roast a pig.  My normal body temperature is usually about two hundred degrees hotter than anyone around me and that is not even factoring in those occasional hot flashes that still pop up out of the blue when least expected.

So there I was yesterday, so freaking hot I had to go outside every so often just to keep from passing out. The man kept telling me how "cold" it was and I kept telling him it really wasn't that cold.  I even downloaded the weather app on my phone to show him it was 67 degrees outside but that made no difference at all. Every time he left the room for something I went into Ninja mode again and pushed the thermostat down a couple of degrees. At one point I went out into the parlor, shut the French doors and opened as many windows as I could just to cool down without having to go outside and get wet.

Last night before the man went in to shower he once again cranked up the heat AND turned on his little space heater in the bathroom. When I went in to shower I had to open the bathroom window because it was like walking into a sauna. (I never was a fan of saunas . . . all that moist heat makes me light headed.)  Thankfully when I came out of the bathroom The Man was already in bed so I snuck into the dining room and pushed the heat WAY down.  I am fortunate that in the bedroom there is a window at the head of the bed and it slides open from my side to his.  With the new black out curtains on this window I can reach up and quietly slide it partly open so that I get a cool breeze blowing down on me but The Man feels nothing. Then in the middle of the night when I get up to pee I gently slide the window open just a little more to keep from melting in a puddle of my own sweat.

All this hopefully transpires with out The Man realizing it but I honestly think he is just playing with me to see just how creative I can get.

AND THEN IT STARTED TO RAIN . . .

The Man is having a bad day.   Personally if I had his breathing issues everyday would be a bad day  but he keeps on going in spite of not being able to breathe.   So when a day come along when just about everything goes wrong for you it becomes a MAJOR issue.

I understand this completely because there were days in my life when a hang nail would set me off for a week of anger and depression.  Now I take drugs !  Good drugs, prescribed drugs, drugs that keep me level and sane.  (Sort of)

Men do not like to take drugs.  This is a given fact that I have observed in every man I know.  My husband, my friends husbands, The Man, my sons . . . they are all the same.  "WE ARE MEN !!! "
(My youngest son FINALLY came to his senses several years ago and he seems so much happier with his life. Smart boy !)

Needless to say The Man does NOT take drugs.  Well he actually takes a shit load of drugs but they are all heart and lung related.  His biggest concession to his psyche is a Zanax at night to help him sleep.  But during the day it is every man for himself and on a day like today the poor guy is just wound up tighter than a bungee cord before launch.

The whole down hill slide actually began yesterday when his ride on lawn mower died out in the middle of the yard.  Because he is hooked to an oxygen tank that rides in the trailer, (remember the trailer of the tire story),  behind the mower he was stuck out there with no way to carry the tank all the way back to the house.  Luckily I was outside with him and realized he was not returning so I walked out to him to see what the problem was. I could tell exactly where he was just by following the steam rising from his ears as he huffed and puffed and fumed all the while cursing,
"What the F - - -" . When I got out there he was pissed because the mower had died and he couldn't get it started again. There were mutterings about the dead battery and how could this have happened and so on.  I told him if he wanted to jump the battery  I would go get the car and drive it out into the field . . . at which point he asked me to go get the car and drive it out into the field so he could jump the battery.  (Yup, the idea was all his)

Once I had the car parked by the mower I got out to see if I could do anything and that is when I saw THE BATTERY that is in the mower.  This battery has GOT to be at least twelve thousand years old. The instructions on it were written in hieroglyphics !  I asked him how old the battery was and he had no idea since it had been in there since he purchased the mower back in the 1990's. My suggestion of maybe buying a NEW battery was met with scoffing and a decisive "NO".  To him this battery is perfectly good and it WILL start given enough of a charge. We did indeed jump start the poor old thing, (the battery, not The Man) and off he merrily drove to do some more mowing. (This is not the end of the story)

When he returned to the house he came in, we had dinner, watched some kitchen TV and then retired to the bedroom where he turned on the bedroom TV.  The next thing I heard was, yup, you got it,
"What the F - - -" .  The TV in the bedroom has no sound !  This is a HUGE crisis because how can he sit in bed and watch Fox News before going to sleep ?  O M G !!!!!  The TV turns on, it changes channels but there is no sound.  The mute button is not on so we know it's not that. When I asked how old the TV was I pretty much knew it was probably bought around the same time as the ride on mower but I HAD to ask.  I did not get an answer. . .

By now it is almost midnight and I am ready to crash but he is handing me the remote asking me to,
"FIX IT" .  I gently explained that I would look at it in the morning, now was NOT the time to start playing with the damn thing.

This morning I had a doctors appointment and when I came home the mower still was not working, (that battery is toast but he refuses to admit it) AND the bedroom TV still has no sound.
I can do nothing for the mower . . . not my area of expertise, (as if I have an area of expertise) but I could work on the remote and the TV to see if I could do anything there.

While the lawn mower sat out by the side of the house with the hood open so the battery could do whatever he had it doing we worked on the remote and the TV in the bedroom.  Step one . . .  change the batteries . . . The man rummaged around in his sock drawer and came up with 2 sad looking AA batteries which he put into the remote. (I figured if the remote could change the channel and turn off and on it probably wasn't the batteries but what the hell, it was worth a shot.). A half hour later we had made no progress at all so we gave up and walked back out to the kitchen where The Man decided he would go outside and see how the mower was doing .

Except . . . it had started to rain.  Pouring rain, on the open mower motor.  This prompted quite a bit of muttering with a few choice words thrown in here and there.  He did go out to cover the motor and is now back in the house, in the bedroom on the phone with Direct TV tech support .  So far he has been on hold for over a half hour because he keeps getting frustrated that he is on hold so he hangs up and calls them back so he has to go back to step one in the, "press one for - - -"process.

I'm just sitting here writing because this really is just too good not to share.

MARINATING SEEDS

No . . . you have not accidentally logged into a cooking blog.  It's only me trying yet again to explain to myself why men are so weird !

I have written, probably often, about PLANTING seeds in the minds of men.  When you want or need something to get done there is no way it is going to happen if you flat out say what you want. For instance, "Hey Honey, we really need to fix that door on the bathroom." A statement like that will hang in mid air for a century or more and never ripen to fruition. It's like the past couple of weeks gospel readings at church . . . the ones where the farmer plants seeds and some fall on the rocks and die, others fall on shallow ground and grow but don't survive and the ones that fall on good ground, take root and flourish.

I have found over the years that ANY seed I ever planted in the mind of a man NEVER, EVER grows immediately.According to the Bible this must be because the minds of men are filled with rocks so therefore the seeds can't grow.  Makes total sense to me !   But do not lose hope . . .  I have found the solution to the dried up seeds that I have planted.

You need to marinate them !!  

Before you plant a seed of an idea in the rocky, barren, rock hard soil of the male brain you need to soak the seed.  (Actually if you can soak the brain of the man with alcohol you will get faster results but you do take the chance of over watering and then all brain function is lost and you are back at square one.)  I am finding it is better to marinate the seeds, let them soak in the brain cavity of the man while gently watering them every so often but not too often as to drown them.   The seed will sit unattended for months just lingering in its warm void until you add a little marinate. You do this by using compliments . . . "Gee Honey, you did such a great job yesterday working on that closet!  I know how hard it is for you to do this but it really made a huge difference in this space"  This is marinating the seed you planted two months ago when you off handedly mentioned cleaning out the entire ROOM.  The room cleaning seed was planted, it sat on barren soil for months and now it needs a little watering or marinating. The man may never have even opened the closet you refer to in your marinating statement but if you tell him he did something good he WILL believe it even if he doesn't remember doing it.  (You do have to be on your toes all the time waiting for these rare and precious moments when The Man actually does DO something.  If you're really good at this you can make his trip to the bathroom to pee into an award winning task that he has supposedly accomplished.  "Hey, Thanks for washing off the sink while you were in there, it really looks good."). It is total B--- S--- but it works.

Like all things related to living with the male species PATIENCE is the key factor in making any headway.  If you plant your seed today DO NOT expect it to grow any time soon.  Marinate it for a while, water it gently every so often and when all that fails . . . Well . . .  call someone to do the job for you and your man will IMMEDIATELY start working on what you wanted him to do seven months ago.

" YOU DID TOO MUCH TODAY ! "

" You did too much today!"     These are the words spoken to me last night as I limped into the bedroom to collapse on the bed. I had just taken my shower and decided I just might be dying of a blood clot since both legs were swollen and sore. (As if you would have a blood clot in both legs at the same time !) But I WAS hurting because I had not laid down at all that afternoon to put my feet up so I was particularly achey.

As The Man spoke these words I agreed with him and with a laugh said, "Yup, I always over do it" . As I lay there waiting for sleep to overcome my brain, (which is always the last part of me that lets me relax), I began to think back over the day and just what exactly HAD I done that made me so sore.

HUM ?

Let us begin with when I heard God asking if I "was ready" at 8:30 that morning. Looking back on it I think maybe God was not asking if I was ready to come to my Heavenly reward but if I was ready to face another day with this man. I got up fully expecting to drop dead at any moment, hobbled into the kitchen and made breakfast for the 2 of us.  Each morning The Man gets up, sits at the kitchen table and has coffee and cookies for breakfast. He remains at the table for at least 2 hours until he "wakes" up.  Every day I try to eat something "healthy" to start my day so yesterday I made an egg and toast. Of course I also cooked one for him.

Moving on into the day The Man now is ready to "get something done".  I had sat and watched Sunday mass on the computer because I just knew my knees would not make it up the flight of steps into the little church here in town. (The steps are about the height of Mt. Everest).  Once church was done it was time to get moving.  O.K.  I can do that . . . after all I have been laying around in pain for 3 days now and the pain is almost all gone so I guess I need to move these old bones.

Problem being I did not need to move them quite as much as what The Man had me doing.

We started out with a plan to drive into town where I would just run into the grocery store and pick up a steak for dinner. Sounds simple enough . . .  HA !!! . . . I get myself into the car, (both knees screaming the whole time) and he says, " Let's stop at the trailer and YOU can put the tire on it for me".  . . . WTF . . . He must have realized I was about to hit him when he quickly added, "I'll lift the trailer and you just need to bend down and SLIP the wheel on the axle".  And that is exactly what I did ! Got back OUT of the car, took the tire from the back seat and "slipped" it on the axle. (After only 3 tries)

Now we get back in the car and are headed into town . . . at which point The Man says, "How about I stop at the gas station and you can fill the tank".

Now I realize the man is on oxygen and can't breathe but if we were in Alaska he would have been out on his son's boat fishing but he can't fill the car with gas because the tank is on the passenger side of the car and he would have to drag his oxygen with him to get around the car.  It makes sense that I do the filling but REALLY . . .could this not have waited one more day ?  NOPE . . .  once again I crawl out of the car, pump the gas and crawl back into the car.   Now we are off to the grocery store where I will just run in for a steak.   RIGHT ! . . . As I am getting out of the car The Man calls after me to also pick up some fresh corn, some French fries and some ice cream.  The corn is on one side of the store and the ice cream and fries are on the other side so I get to journey through the entire store for our steak.  (To be fair, this grocery store is about the size of a 7/11 so it really isn't that much of a journey. ).

I now have thrown the groceries into the trunk and we head home where I get to unload the car and drag everything up the 5 steps into the house where I get to put everything away until it is time for me to cook dinner.

And he thinks I DID TOO MUCH !!!!!!

I must add in his defense The Man is living with a nut case and we all know it.  Here's just one of my most recent "Dumb Blonde" moments . . .

The hot water faucet in D's kitchen does not have a stopping point.  You can turn the handle clockwise or counter clockwise to get hot water.  When you shut it off you just have to turn it to the point where the water stops flowing because if you continue turning the water just begins to flow again.  (Dumb and it NEEDS to be fixed but it is not a priority to The Man.). Well, a couple of days ago I am at the sink washing dishes and when I finish I turn off the hot water. Except the water keeps running.  I turn the faucet one way then the other looking for the magic spot where the water should turn off but nothing is working.  I am starting to panic thinking I have really screwed this up. The Man is seated at the kitchen table, (as always) and must have picked up on my panic because he says, "What's the matter?" . . . I tell him I can't get the hot water to shut off to which he replies, as always in situations like this, "Well what the F---?"  Now I am thinking I have really messed up the faucet and visions of me crawling under the sink to turn off the main valve are running through my brain. With that The Man comes into the kitchen, which I have quickly vacated, walks over to the sink and turns OFF the water.  He turns to look at me and I am totally amazed that he could fix this terrible problem so quickly. I asked him,"HOW DID YOU FIX IT SO FAST ?"  To which he replied very calmly, "You also had the cold water turned on so that is what was continuing to run after the hot water was off."  DUH. DUH. DUH !!!!!!  

So you see . . .  I pick on this man all the time but he does not have an easy part in this relationship either.

" ARE YOU. READY. ? "

These were the three words that woke me from my sleep at 8:30 this morning.  Considering we had stayed up till after 1:00 AM watching TV I usually would have stayed asleep until at least ten but there I was, sound asleep, not dreaming, (I remember for sure I was not dreaming),  when I heard a deep man's voice say to me, "Are You Ready?" I came awake immediately and looked toward the foot of the bed expecting to see Dwayne standing there talking to me. (Even though the voice that I heard was definitely not his who else would be speaking to me? ) When I saw that he wasn't there I sat up and looked around the bedroom and saw that I was completely alone.

Now if you have been with me over the years I bet you can imagine exactly where my mind went from there . . .   OF COURSE . . .  It was GOD !

GOD had spoken to me and was asking if I was ready to join him in the Great Hereafter.   I mean, what else could explain this ?

By now I am wide awake, sitting in the bed tears rolling down my face because, as I explained out loud to God, I really was NOT ready to leave this Earth because I did not have an opportunity to say "good bye" to my family.   BUT . . .  I continued to explain to the Lord, . . .  it is ALWAYS HIS WILL be done and not mine so if he wanted me now I was indeed ready to take the best adventure of my life yet.

As I continued to sit in the bed crying I figured God was giving me a "heads up" so I could get my act together and say good-by to my kids and grand kids. Knowing full well that I was not about to call anyone at this hour of the morning, especially on a Sunday, I reached into the dresser next to the bed and pulled out my journal and began to write.

I have often thought I should write a "good-bye" to my loved ones but then I get thinking I'm just being dumb and put it off again and again.  I have left notes in my important papers addressing my "important" matters but a true good-bye has never been written.

Until today . . . Two pages in my journal are written specifically to my family JUST IN CASE this stupid pain in my leg kills me.       There was always a joke between Gerry and I about the cousin he had who died from a pain in her leg. No more information then that but it was one of the first "stories" Ger told me when we were dating . . . who knows why . . . that was just Ger.  Over the years we would laugh about it when ever one of us had an ache or pain. He would ALWAYS say, "Remember my cousin who died from a pain in her leg!"  Perhaps that was a peek into my future ?

What ever the explanation for my hearing voices I AM ready to go where ever I am called. Perhaps it will be my final journey, or maybe its a trip to the emergency room or, even more likely,  the insane asylum ! Where ever I am headed I'm ready for an adventure .

I'll keep you posted !

P.S.  Thanks to the Tylenol + Codeine I am not in any pain today even though my knee remains swollen like a grape fruit.  Hopefully I'll be alive tomorrow to get the results of the x-ray and find out just what is going on here.

THE PAINFUL PRIORITY OF THE POTATO SAUSAGE

Let me start by telling you just how delicious potato sausage is.  If you have never tried it you must put it on your bucket list for the next time you are in the U.P. (Apparently because this part of Michigan is so far removed from . . .  well . . . EVERYTHING . . . the people up here spend a LOT of time creating different culinary delights. Along with the potato sausage there are huge cinnamon buns the size of Rhode Island and pasties, pronounced past-ee not paste-ee which distinguishes them from the thing strippers wear on their boobs.)

Anyway . . . delicious as the potato sausage may be it does not take priority over getting an X-Ray for my knee.  Or at least in MY mind it doesn't. But, once again, I apparently The Man and I do NOT think the same

Going back a few days to the beginning of this "Pain in the Leg" adventure I thought I mentioned to The Man the fact that I was experiencing PAIN in my leg.  I try not to complain endlessly about my medical problems so when this first started I was thinking it was sciatica and I didn't really make a big deal of it.  That was Tuesday night. Wednesday morning I got up realizing that although I had slept great, (Thank you Tylenol PM) my leg was a lot worse with the pain now going from my foot to my knee so badly that I had trouble walking out to the bathroom. No sooner had I come through the door into the kitchen on my way to the potty I encountered The Man sitting in his usual spot at the kitchen table cradling his right wrist. At that point I was focused on getting to the toilet before I passed out from the pain so I really wasn't sure I heard what I did.  The first words out of The Man's mouth were . . . "I have a pain in my wrist". . .  Not "Good morning, how are you?", not, "How's your leg?" not even "Hey there" . . . just "I have a pain in my wrist".  Now I sympathize with pain, especially at this particular point of having my very own, very intense pain, but REALLY ??????
I muttered something like "Oh gee, I'm sorry to hear that" and continued on to empty my bladder. (That experience was not the least bit fun because trying to get down to a sitting position and then back up again really hurt.)  As I stumbled back out through the kitchen my natural "mother" instinct MADE me stop and ask what had happened to the poor man's wrist?  "Did you sleep on it funny? Where does it hurt?" to which I was given VERY detailed answers and questions of why this would happen and what should he do.  I had a few very strong suggestions of just what he could do but I managed to remain calm and tuck the entire exchange in the back of my mind just waiting to share it with you. Not only did I not hit him with the frying pan that is always sitting out on the stove, I actually limped into the bedroom and returned with a wrist brace that I usually have with me for the occasions when my wrist hurts. (Thanks to arthritis.)

I showed him how to put the thing on, grabbed an ice pack and then limped back to bed because by now I had tears running down my face from my own pain.  

I will give The Man credit at this point because he did come into the bedroom to ask if I was OK. He even offered to get me some breakfast so I could take the anti-inflammatory pill which I gratefully accepted. One yogurt and one pain pill later I was doing better.  We had a quiet day yesterday, mostly remaining in one position, me laying down, him sitting at the kitchen table. I heated up some leftovers for dinner, drank another ice pack, (see yesterdays blog) and I called my doctor to set up getting an x-ray for today.

THIS morning the pain is subsiding a bit and thanks to having slept great I am feeling a bit better so I am ready to go down to town and get that X-ray done.  Mind you I am still limping like a three legged hippo but at least I'm not crying.  Once again I walked out into the kitchen on my way to pee and there he sat, wrist in the air and before I could say good morning he started waving his wrist at me to show me how swollen it was.  I had to walk over to where he was sitting so he could point out the swelling because honestly I couldn't see it !  I suggested he put ice on it, which he did not do, and told him to call his doctor. By now I am about ready to wet myself and the pain is creeping back into my leg so I made a quick get-away.  

Now is where it starts to get absolutely ridiculous . . . As I am walking back to the bedroom to get dressed The Man says, "I have a 4:00 doctor appointment so when you're dressed we can go get your x-ray". I'm thinking "O.K." . . .  finally he is realizing I need a little attention . . . NOT !!!!!   In the next breath he goes on to tell me that when we leave the house we will stop by his little trailer that he tows behind the lawn mower so I can GET OUT of the car and look for the size of the tire so that we can then stop in town at the tractor store so I can GET OUT of the car, walk into the tractor supply store and buy him a new tire because this one has gone flat. Then he continues to say that after the tractor supply store we will go to the butcher shop so I can GET OUT of the car and go into the butcher shop to buy potato sausage for dinner. This was the point that I should have taken Rhonda's advice and to quote her, say, "FUCK NO!"

But I'm not Rhonda, (Dwaynes sister-in-law) and I am not used to saying "no" to anyone so fifteen minutes later I found myself not only out of the car trying to find a dumb ass number on a tire but actually lifting the wagon, pulling out the pin and taking the tire OFF the wagon and throwing it into the back seat of the car. 

It was pretty much down hill from there . . . the hospital didn't have the fax orders for the x-ray so that took an hour.  The tractor supply store keeps their tires in the far back corner so I got to walk through the entire store carrying one and then two tires and the butcher shop was crowded so I had to STAND and wait for the precious potato sausage.  I really thought that I would at least get a drive through lunch out of the deal but when I suggested we stop for a burger HE suggested I buy some sliced ham while I was in the butcher shop and we could have sandwiches when we got home. Do you even want to guess WHO made the sandwiches ??????? Only that I was hungry did I not throw the ham, bread and mustard at him. 

But that just isn't me . . .   Say what you want, and I KNOW what my BFF's Sharon and Jeanne would have said and done but here I am, rolling with it all and collecting some really good material to entertain you with.  You can thank THE MAN for that.  

I DRANK MY ICE PACK

So if you read yesterdays blog you know I did something to my knee/leg and went to the doctor to get it looked at.  What I may or many not have mentioned is that my leg HURTS LIKE A MOTHER !!!
I made it to the doctor and back, in and out of the pharmacy and drove back home with a minimum of pain. Last night I took the first dose of anti-inflammatory and pretty much tried to stay off the leg.
My favorite "GO-TO" place for relaxing in the evening is of course BED.  A neighbor stopped over to have a few beers with Dwayne so I went to get an ice pack so I could hide out in the bedroom while "The Boys" had their get together.

Only one problem . . .   The ice pack was not in the freezer. . . . DAMN ! . . . I had used it in the afternoon before going to the doctor and in my rush to get out the door I left it sitting on the kitchen counter.  When I went to look for it last night it had been moved from one counter to the other by "you know who" and there it sat all melted and warm.

Now I'm just saying that if I came into a kitchen and saw an ice pack melting on the counter I would more likely than not pick it up and put it IN THE FREEZER !!!!  I mean, if he picked it up to move it from one place to another could he not have moved it into the freezer where most ice packs are stored? ? ?  

I know these odd creatures that we co habituate with are idiots but REALLY ???

So there I was ice packless and in need of something cold to put on my knee.  Seeing how the freezer in the fridge no longer makes it's own ice cubes like it is supposed to, (and that doesn't not bother The Man one single bit), I had no way of filling a bag with ice. Next thought was to see what items were in the freezer that I could possibly use.  Frozen peas? . . .  we don't eat frozen peas.  Frozen dinners do not work well as ice packs nor does ice cream.  What we do have a TON of is frozen halibut but I really didn't want to smell like a dead fish so as a last resort I went with the frozen drink pouches.

In cause you have yet to discover this wonder of wonders, picture those little plastic sleeves of flavored water that you buy for the kids in the summer.  You put them in the freezer for a couple of hours and VOILA !  A nice cold treat for the kiddies. Well some genius has come up with the adult version of this . . . A pouch of alcohol infused drink mix that you freeze overnight and then just rip off the top and drink this slushy version of a frozen Margarita, Strawberry Daiquiri, Rum Runner, Peach on The Beach, Bahama Mama or Pina Colada.  I discovered these drinks at the local dollar store where they sell for $2.00 a piece.  I have at least a dozen of them in the freezer just waiting for me to need a drinkable ice pack.  Up to this point I have been enjoying one each afternoon  while The Man enjoys his beer. They are MARVELOUS !!!!!

So as I stood there staring down into the freezer it seemed like a no brainer to use a drink pouch as an ice pack. They are about ten inches in length and about six inches wide.  When you first take them out of the freezer they are a solid block of frozen delishesness just waiting for you to smack them on a table or counter top to break up the block of ice they have become.  I figured if I just took the solid pouch, placed it on my leg it would do the same job as my poor melted ice pack. AND IT DID !!
The bonus being that when it had just about completely melted, (after about an hour) I had a wonderful alcoholic chilled drink to help relieve the pain that the ice pack didn't manage to get.

I consider myself a genius !!!  And at this rate if the pain doesn't get any better I really won't care.

THE GIMP WITH A LIMP

Do not ask what I have done to myself now . . . just know that I am in PAIN !!  Actually I think that, without even trying, I have created the "Perfect Storm" for leg injuries All I know is my leg hurts like hell!  It hurts enough that I went to the walk in medical here in Gladstone, MI just to try to get some relief. When drugs AND drinking don't do the trick it's time to consider real medicine.

It all began about 6 weeks before we left Florida for our drive back to Michigan.  Well, Actually it started 2 years ago when I had a total knee replacement for my right knee.  I was told at the time that my left knee would also need replacing "some time down the road" and I would know when it was time.  My chiropractor advised me to get the second knee done as soon as possible to avoid putting stress on my back from the difference in leg lengths due to the new knee but I just wasn't ready to go back into the hospital and put up with all the painful therapy associated with knee replacement.

Then my shoulder started bothering me so I put my focus on getting that taken care of before the second knee. Which would have been all well and good except for the several postponements due to Dwaynes medical needs and then the Covid virus shutdown.

Which brings us to today . . .   When I first got up here to the U.P. I was fired up and ready to go with gardening and working around the house. The weather was cool so it felt great to be outside and moving. As the first month passed my interest in "work" also passed and I was more ready to sit under a tree and read. Now I don't know if all the sitting is to blame or if all the previous working in the yard and basement did me in but Sunday afternoon I fell apart !

I went to church on Sunday and felt wonderful. We had a lovely day puttering around here but by the time we went to bed I was feeling "off".  By Monday morning at 5:00 AM I was feeling lousy but couldn't sleep.  Just feeling like a wet noodle with little to no energy or interest in anything but food. (I know when I am really sick when I loose my appetite.  As long as I'm looking for food to stuff in my face I know I'm not at deaths door.). I slept ALL day Monday and most of Tuesday. By Tuesday afternoon I was feeling better and looking forward to getting some things done on Wednesday.  Only problem was that the Perfect Storm had started brewing a few days earlier when I dropped a wrought iron chair on the pinky toe of my right foot.  I hobbled around for a few days thinking I had probably cracked the bone but what the hell, you don't cast a pinky toe so I'll just ignore it.

I don't know if it was the limping around from the sore toe, all the laying around in bed for 2 days or the fact that 6 weeks before we came up here from Florida I tripped and fell on my right knee and it has been a little "off" ever since.  I didn't go to a doctor after my fall because by then all the doctors offices were shut down so I figured it would just go away after a while.

Add up . . . broken toe + sore knee from fall + being super lazy and not stretching my back all equals a trip to walk in medical today because the pain that I had running down my right leg from knee to foot was just too much to put up with.  At first I thought it was my sciatic nerve because the pain would go up my leg to my butt . . . but the worst of the pain is from the knee down.

After driving around with Dwayne this morning and getting in and out of the car several times we came home and I was in tears from the pain.  Mr. Man laid down for his usual afternoon nap and I drove into town to see a doctor.  Now I am the first to admit that I take after my dad and am a coward the it comes to my health.  If something is off for more than a day or two I am going to a doctor to get it checked out.  Had I been home in Florida I would have been calling my knee doctor but up here I am not going to trust anybody to do more than prescribe an aspirin.

With that thought in mind I still knew I better get some help because this pain was really getting to me.  (I have a pretty high tolerance for pain but my theory is, "Why suffer if you don't have to".
I was the only person in the office and the doctor was the same one that I have seen on past visits. She calmed my fears that I most likely DID NOT have a blood clot and would probably live to see another day.  She politely listened to my list of events leading up to todays visit and came to the conclusion that I would probably do well to take some anti-inflammatory medication for five days and then see how I was doing.  If I am still suffering after the five days she will then send me for an
X-Ray of my knee.  She gave me the option of getting an x-ray tomorrow but WE decided it was probably not going to be necessary after the round of prednisone.

All this is great with me because the thought that I had messed up my knee and might need surgery up here terrifies me.  I think I would call my Florida doc and get on a plane rather than take my chances with small town USA doctors.  I am spoiled by my wonderful Florida doctors !

But if you don't hear from me for a while check the obituaries . . .  just in case !

TOO MUCH "T". NOT ENOUGH "O"

All those years that I was married to Husband I never had a problem with him having too much testosterone. I'm not talking about Testosterone in regards to sex, I"m talking about it in regards to being "macho" .

 (You know "Macho Man" that the Village People sang about back in the seventies . .
When someone says "Macho Man" to me I immediately picture Bruce Willis in "Die Hard" even though that does tell you just how old I am. I'm sure there are plenty of Hollywood Hunks out there, I'm just not up on the current "Meat Market" .)

Husband was about the least macho guy I know.  He was funny and smart but he was NOT macho.  When it came to killing spiders or baiting a hook I was the one who stepped up and did the dirty work.  Husband never held a gun nor did he want to. He never went hunting and only went fishing when he was embarrassed into it. He did not like fast cars nor did he ever play a sport in high school or college or any other time in his life.  Husband was the perfect example of ZERO testosterone !

Along comes Mr.Man, Dwayne . . .  He is the epitome of MACHO except he is old but doesn't know it.  It is super tough to have a macho brain with lots of testosterone racing through your veins when you have lungs that will not allow you to breathe.  But to compensate for this lack of lung function the man has a brain that will not admit defeat.  That is a good thing except when his brain is telling him to do ten different things when he can only handle one.  That's where I come in.

Rather than getting a lung transplant, (which he is not a candidate for because his heart isn't strong enough to get him through surgery), he has found a gullible but willing idiot to help him do all his projects for him.  The fact that the idiot, ME, is seventy five years old and falling apart at the seams does not enter into this equation because I have just as much "stubborn" in me as he has testosterone.
I refuse to admit I am old (er) and not in the best shape of my life so probably shouldn't be doing half the things we attempt to do. No one can tell Mr. Man he can't breathe and no one can tell me I can't crawl under the RV to fix a strap holding down a battery for the generator.

Yesterday Mr. Man got it into his head to put the cover on the secondary battery in the RV.  He WAS smart enough to have had a neighbor put the battery into its compartment on the side of the RV one day last week . . . THIS week the battery still had to be covered and strapped in place. (DO NOT ask WHY Mr. man did not ask the neighbor to do this when he was placing the battery in the RV,  just do what I do and go with it.). This project was in The Man's head from the moment he got up and it was not going to go away until the deed was done.  That is why at four thirty yesterday afternoon both The Man and I were sitting on the grass next to the RV cursing like sailors.

I was having a perfectly lovely afternoon sitting on the patio reading a book when out came macho man himself.  (Oxygen hose connected to the concentrator in the house as always.)  His way of sucking me into this adventure was to ask me to go into the RV and turn on his oxygen machine that is in there. That way he could detach from the house and attach to the RV, saving about forty feet of hose. (I TOTALLY knew this was a ploy to get me to do the job he wanted done but really can't do because of his breathing.) Being the idiot that I am and refusing to admit that my body no longer moves like that of a twenty year old, I "jumped" up and got right to "assisting".   The Man was by then sitting on the grass next to the camper with the battery compartment open in front of him. He was making an "attempt" to get the cover over the battery which is in a small space with little to no "wiggle" room. He could reach one hand in the compartment while reaching under the RV with his other hand to try to wrestle the cover onto the battery. By the time he had accomplished this he was totally winded and ready to pass out. All this time I am sitting QUIETLY on the step of the RV waiting to either dial 911 or run for the hills.  Thankfully neither was necessary. What WAS necessary was for me to take over the completion of this project . . .  THE STRAP !

In order for the battery to not fall out from under the RV it is held in place by a strap. Just your average every day garden variety "belt" or strap that wraps around the battery, through a clamp and buckles into place. The problem being is this all has to be done from UNDER the RV.  The man sitting on the grass is NOT going to be able to manage sliding under the camper, lay on his back and work over his head to get this freaking belt and buckle in place. SO . . .   guess who got to help !?!?

Let me just say the easiest part was getting down on the grass and "rolling" under the RV. The strap and buckle were a BITCH with a capital "B" ! Fortunately my "bad" shoulder was behaving and I had taken some Tylenol earlier in the day so my body didn't hurt at all. It DID take about twenty minutes and much cursing but "we" finally got the damn thing strapped in and ready to roll. The only problems now were that I had to get back out from under the RV and we both had to get up off the ground into a standing position.  This is the part that should have been caught on video because it surely would have been a million dollar winner on "Americas Funniest Home Videos"  (Is that show still on?)

I will admit we laughed ourselves silly during the entire process.  It was no easy feat and it DID take us quite some time to reach an upright position but since the alternative was to sleep on the lawn or call a neighbor with a back hoe to come lift us up we did manage to get up and make it into the house where we collapsed for the rest of the evening.

THE VIRUS THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED

NO . . . I am not talking about Covid-19 . . .   enough has been said about that stupid virus, instead my "Harry Potter" reference to "He Who Shall Not Be Named" is about a vicious virus that attacked my computer about 2 weeks ago.  I shall not name the virus for fear of it hearing its name and returning with even more of a vengeance than its first attack. But take my word . . . this virus was as nasty and evil as good old Voldemort in the Harry Potter books.

It all began a couple of weeks ago when I went on line to, of all things, write a blog.  Usually when I log into my lap top I get my safari page listing all my favorite web sites. But on this particular day when I opened my computer it didn't open Safari, instead it came up with a blank screen with the name  "S----- B----" flashing off and on in the web page box..  When I tried to click on Safari to get my links it just kept cycling and cycling as if it was downloading something.  Apparently what it was downloading was any of my personal information it could hack.  (So far I have not had any of my accounts attacked but I'm keeping a close eye on them.).

Not knowing what I was dealing with I managed to find ways to get to Netflix, mail and Facebook after much cursing and swearing.  I naturally blamed all this aggravation on The Man's Internet service and just cursed a little more as I fought my way into the sites I wanted.  I WAS smart enough not to open my bank accounts or credit cards while this stupid problem existed. After abo ut four day of this I reached my breaking point and contacted the smartest computer guy I know.  My Son-in-law Steve is a genius with computers and has been called upon on many an occasion to get me out of Cyber Space alive. I HATE being "Lost in Space" ! (Can you even read that line without hearing the theme song from that old show?)

Steve was very gracious and texted me several suggestions of ways to rid my lap top of the virus, all of which were well beyond my capabilities. I had visions of getting into my computer and messing things up so bad that I would have the CIA knocking down my door. I made a half hearted attempt to try some of Steve's suggestions but then just slammed the the damn thing shut and started researching places up here that might be able to fix this problem for me.

Dwayne came up with the name of a company that had worked on his computer about 100 years ago when computers were about the size of your refrigerator. I figured at least the company was reputable so I gave them a call. No Luck !  They apparently were so good that their business had grown to the point of only working on business computer systems. I asked them for a reference and they provided me with three names.

We need to stop here for a minute to establish the fact that Gladstone & Escanaba, Michigan are about the size of your local grocery store. Well, maybe just a little bigger but not really that much. Gladstone is a one traffic light, one Main Street little town with maybe three blocks of shops. That includes the post office, the ice cream shop and the pharmacy. There is a barber shop, one little restaurant, a pizza place and a Chinese restaurant and several bars.  That is about it ! The local grocery store is on a back street as is the hardware store so the possibility of finding a computer repair shop was pretty slim.  But never fear . . . Escanaba is just 15 miles down the road and that is a "BIG" town.  I think Escanaba has two traffic lights and perhaps three blocks of shops along the Main Street. But the really big thing that Escanaba DOES have going for it is the main highway going right past Main Street.  And like all towns in the USA there are strip malls all along the highway. (I use the term "highway" loosely . . . The road has TWO lanes going in each direction so it is big time!).

Anyway . . .  Escanaba had several computer repair shops but only ONE of them called me back. And so I gathered up my computer and off we went to see Andy at UPPC.  Andy turned out to be your typical geek who really was a bit socially inept but a whiz at computers. He had my lap top for three days and wiped it clean of all nastiness that had invaded it. When I went to pick it up yesterday I had visions of having to sell my car to pay for the fix but to my surprise he handed me a bill for $69.
I stood there waiting for page two of the bill but that was it . . . no three hundred dollar bill that I was anticipating, only SIXTY NINE DOLLARS.  I could not believe it.

So here I am today, happy as a little piggy typing away on my computer that is better than new and it didn't cost me an arm and a leg.