I CAN'T STOMACH ALASKA

It was the day of THE ONION yesterday. That followed the night of the hamburger and beer in the land of the midnight sun and midnight dinners which is giving me the stomach of continual upset and the intestines of constant . . . Well . . .  Let's just say I have bought stock in the toilet paper company !
I am thinking that because the sun NEVER actually sets these crazy people never really STOP to eat at normal times. It's a matter of coming home from work at 3 or 4 in the afternoon, then take a nap, (which you will understand when you get the rest of the schedule), get up 2 hours later and start working in the yard. All this while drinking beer ! BEER being a key factor to all this !!!!!!  I have never seen folks go through SO much beer in my life!  And I have 3 kids who went to college! My kids are are wussie babies compared to this group.  I am talking BEER BIG TIME ! So we can add that to the reason for not eating until the bizarre hours of midnight.
One of the biggest problems is never knowing when and what dinner will be.  I never know if I should eat lunch or not. Dinner could be at 4:00 Orr we could end up at midnight like the other night. There we were sitting on the deck at midnight, beating off the dive bombing mosquitos when someone said, "I'll start the BBQ and put the burgers on."  To which I thought, "WTF ITS FREAKING MIDNIGHT ! " But the fire was started and the burgers were cooked and eat they did! And then everyone went to bed. Is it a wonder I have stomach problems?
The following nights menu was onion soup, which was home made and absolutely THE BEST French onion soup I have ever had in my life! It was accompanied by home made bloomin' onion which was also TO DIE FOR. This unfortunately was,served,at,the ungodly dinner hour of TEN THIRTY at night. I ate the broth from the soup and skipped all else. I had to or I would have spent the entire remainder of the weekend in the bathroom.
And so, sorry to say, I do not have the constitution to live with these folks in Alaska.

HEAT WAVE ALASKA STYLE

At the moment, at 9:44 in the morning, it is 45 degrees. It doesn't feel like the NY forty five degrees that I was used to for most of my life where it was cold and wet and grey and nasty. And that was in the spring.  It would be even colder if it was Autumn.  Florida at 45 degrees requires full snow gear complete with fur coats, wool hats, fur lined boots, two layers of gloves, scarves and possibly muckalucks. (Although I still don't know what they are.) Alaska at 45 degrees calls for shorts and a tee shirt!
That is exactly what R was wearing when we left the house today to run some errands. R arrived here last night around midnight from Michigan to visit her mom so I guess 45 is warm to her. I, on the other hand am dressed in jeans and a sweat shirt.  But once we got into town the locals were out and about in their shorts and tank tops so I guess we are having a heat wave for sure. The fact that it was 95 degrees last week and was really really hot makes me wonder how these same folks can find a 50 degree difference still calling for the same wardrobe choice? Maybe they just don't have any in-between clothes?  It's either full snow gear or total strip down ? Or maybe they are just so freaking tired of piling on and pealing off layers that once they get down to that final bottom layer they just refuse to put another layer back on until next winter.  What ever the reason these folks are hearty people or totally nuts.
Last week we had three days of unusually hot weather that now seems to have found its way across the country and is baking everyone to a crisp.  I can't say I miss it.  No matter where you live 95 is HOT and I do NOT enjoy that kind of heat. Checking today's weather for the nation it was cooler in Key West at 80 degrees than in New York where it was 92.
That's just plain silly !

CRAZY IS ALIVE AND FLORISHING IN ALASKA

I knew last year when I was here in the far wild wilderness of the last frontier that not all the folks I met were working on all their burners. Perhaps it's those looooooooooong winter nights that put your brain cells into a state of hibernation that they never wake from, or maybe it's the bitter arctic cold that freezes all common sense and kills brain cells at the rapid rate of a gazillion per second. What ever the reason, I have encountered ONE completely insane person who is certifiable NUTS !  They shall remain in named, gender free and anonymous . But let me tell you she is one crazy bitch !
I am at a constant loss as to whether I should laugh or get out a gun. Probably it is a very good thing that I do not own a gun because if I did I really REALLY would have wanted to use it way before now. This person can try the patience of the pope. There is no communication with her because she has no listening skills what so ever. You know the sort of person who has so much to say they don't have time to listen. When you do speak to them they give you rude obnoxious snarky retorts and continue upon their way. Nothing is right unless it is done by them and nothing is good unless it is theirs.
Unfortunately they are as dumb as DIRT !
Ask me if I'm having fun yet ?  Yes, I am but I am suffering the fool less and less and considering the purchase of a gun more and more. Were I a better person I would feel sympathy to this poor thing. That ship sailed about a week ago with the ONE MILLIONETH use of the "F" bomb.  The crazy thing cannot get out a sentence without the inclusion of at least 4 "F's".  My ears are burning and I am beginning to think in "F'ing" terms just from being around her.
Sorry to write such a downer. Just had to share the down side of Alaska to let out know it isn't all 20 hours of sunlight and three inch mosquitos.