HAPPY NEW YEAR

How could I possibly let the new year start without spewing some words of  . . . Hum, you are never going to hear words of wisdom from me so forget that. Cursing, swearing, pissing and moaning are more my style so Happy New year and here's to hoping I will do a lot less of all that come 2014.
TWENTY FOURTEEN !  WOW !  Remember back when it was the " Turn of the century" and we all thought the world would end, the computers would blow up, the banks would fail? And here we are, fourteen years later and still rolling along. We still don't have flying cars, much to my disappointment, but then again the way people drive here in Florida it's a good thing. I guess in a away it might be safer cause there wouldn't be so much up in the air to distract drivers like H. He drives along looking at everything BUT the road. But at least he is still here with us. What else would I ever write about?  Last year we were starting the year in the middle of chemo and radiation. Now, 12 months later he is cancer free!  Who would have thunk it?  And what about the TWINS! A year ago I sure as hell never thought Kent and Kristen would ever have another baby, no less twins. come to think of it, Kristen and Kent never thought they would have another baby, NO LESS TWINS!
It's always interesting how on this one night of the year we all seem to stop and give a little thought to what we have experienced during these past months, weeks and days.  We think we will do better in the new year, we will be more energetic, get to the gym more often, loose those extra pounds, save those extra dollars, get a new hair style, get serious about cleaning out that spare room. And then suddenly it is new years eve all over again and we haven't changed a thing. But we are a year older, hopefully a bit wiser and it seems a bit more tired and slower. The grand kids are bigger, louder, and more energetic. The spare room is still a mess, the new hair style looks pretty ratty and is a pain in the butt to take care of, I don't dare get on the scale because my clothes tell me I have not been loosing weight and the numbers in my bank account are sliding in the wrong direction.
BUT because the number on the calendar is changing we push on with high hopes once again and the prayer to GOD to bring us through one more year alive and kicking.

THE MOST BORING HALF HOUR OF MY LIFE

So, the "most depressing week of the year" has passed in two days. I guess I just needed to wallow in self pity for 48 hours and now I'm back. Can't say when that will hit again but for now the darkness has lifted and life is back on track.
And how could it not be when Smith is involved? Smith and family came up yesterday along with Smith's Grammy from Delaware.  Kristen's mom was in town with the Pompano Lawlor's for a week and is now back in DE. They all drove up yesterday so we could spend the day here playing with all the toys at Grandma's house. (Cause there just aren't enough toys in the world when it comes to a three year old.) We played for a while and then went to THE PIRATE RESTAURANT, Shipwrecks, for some yummy lunch and a look at all the pirates and ships decorating the place. The high point was when we were leaving the manager/owner(?) gave Smith THREE (3) GOLD DOUBLOONS!  Made his day. The three little gold coins were clutched so tight in his little hand and he showed them to EVERYONE on the way out of the restaurant. On the way home in the car Smith started to doze off and one of the coins fell out of his hand and hit the car seat. The boy was awake like a shot and all upset that one of his coins had fallen from his hand. I held the other two for him and reassured him we would get the third on as soon as we got home. AND maybe grand ma could also find a special treasure chest to put them in.  He was back to sleep in seconds dreaming, I'm sure, of pirates and their treasure.
Once we got home Smith continued to sleep for about 20 more minutes and then he was up and ready to go.  We came up with a coconut shell I had saved from some past cruise that had been carved into a pirate face and made into a bank. IT WAS PERFECT !  The coins are now safely inside the coconut shell and ready to take on his next pirate adventure.
From pirate gold we went to bat catching. As is only fitting of the most bravest of pirates. Kent was cleaning up our yard for Ger when he went on his semi annual BAT SEARCH.  (You remember the previous incidents with B A T S.)  Guess what's back and living in the eves of our house?  YEP !
THEY'RRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE  BBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK !  Kent found one and the hunt was on. The poor little thing that he found was traumatized beyond belief but Smith enjoyed it and the poor little thing finally did fly away.

This now gives Ger a new focus beyond the brown palm tree fonds and pods on the palm trees out back. (Anything other than Fox News is a welcome addition to our lives.)
The family left shortly after with visions of pirates and bats in their heads. (Beats sugar plums dancing in your head any day!)

After they left we were pooped  Three year olds and bat hunting will do that to me. Ger and I had dinner and I sat and watched the Kennedy Honors which I really enjoyed. As I was watching, (heaven forbid I should sit and DO NOTHING!) I got working on the medical bills for this years income taxes. I had papers every where and my brain is spinning.  By midnight I called it a day and crashed!
This morning I heard Ger get up around 9 but I just couldn't move. I slept until 11 and then decided I would do NOTHING today.  (And here's where the title of today's blog comes in). I was going to do absolutely not one single thing other than move from one seat to another. NO cooking, cleaning, bed making, clothes sorting, washing, folding, lifting, bending, shopping, paying bills, reading anything other than emails but not answering them. I was going to totally take the entire day off and, well, BE GER. I would not lift a finger to do anything productive for a full 12 hours!
I got out of bed, went into the den, sat down and checked my email.
That took about 20 minutes.  I WAS BORED OUT OF MY MIND!
Twenty minutes was all it took! I sat down to blog after I made the bed. Now I will go make some lunch for H and then heaven only knows what I will get into from there.
I JUST CAN'T DO NOTHING !  Impossible and very sad but I 've got things to do and stuff to sort and put away and clean and move and organize and . . .

MAYBE NEXT YEAR I WILL LEARN THE ART OF NOTHING.

THE MOST DEPRESSING WEEK OF THE YEAR

Christmas is coming Christmas is coming Christmas is coming . . . Since just before Halloween we have been "getting ready" for Christmas. The TV was advertising, the stores were decorated, the mad rush to "get Thanksgiving out of the way" was in full swing. Then the mad panic to make sure the gifts were bought, wrapped, mailed, cards were written and sent on their way, food was bought, trees were trimmed
                                            And all of a sudden it is over
BLAUGH!  Nothing left but the mess and a ton of Christmas crap left over. The more sugar I eat the more depressed I get. The more depressed I get the more sugar I eat.
In spite of the fact that I had a most wonderful Christmas I have hit rock bottom these past two days. The thought of starting an entire new year just makes me want to crawl into a cave and stay there. I guess it is just the past two years catching up to me.

This week between Christmas and new year is the worst !

CHRISTMAS FRUIT CAKE

I happen to like fruit cake . . .  I am probably one of the few people in the world who will actually admit that. The more whisky and fruit the better it is.  You can put Rum, Bourbon, rye or what ever and I am on it like and elephant on a peanut. I even have, HAD, a great recipe for mini fruit cake muffins that I just love.
A year ago I bought the candied fruit with all intentions of making those delish muffins. A year later the candied fruit is still sitting on the shelf. So I decided that today was a great day to bake. Most gifts are wrapped, thanks to H, I can't bake the cheese cake for Christmas till tomorrow so a fruit cake was in the forecast.
NOT !  I can't find the recipe anywhere. I probably took it out last year and then threw it out around April. But that isn't a problem, not in the age of the Internet. On to the computer I went . . .  2 hours later I decided I would make a rum cake instead. Fruit cake recipes just weren't doing it for me but RUM CAKE. . .  well, that's a different story!  RUM AND CAKE . . .  what's not to love. So the next hour I spent looking for rum cake recipes. Do you know that rum cake is made with vanilla cake mix and vanilla pudding mix?  Go figure! Naturally I did not have either of those things in the house and there was only one recipe to make rum cake from scratch.  Remember SCRATCH . . .  as in pre-packaged food cooking. I remember my mother baking and never opening a box. It was all from ingredients that she had in bags and in the fridge. Sugar, flour, butter, eggs, salt and on and on. I also never remember her baking with alcohol so no wonder every thing turned out delicious.
Well, three hours later I have decided that God does not want me to be baking because I am the only one that would be eating. So I have put the candied fruit back on the shelf, (the expiration on the fruit is something like August of 2015), the butter is going into the mashed potatoes that  I will make for Christmas and the rum . . .
Let's just say it isn't going to waste ! (Hic!)

Cherry Mismass and Nappy Hoo Year !

LEFT OVERS . . . THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE OMG PLEASE TAKE THOSE HOME WITH YOU

So I had my lovely lady party on Wednesday.  As of today I am still "digging out from under".  Not that there is a mess but as usual there are lots and lots of goodies to be disposed of.
Anyone who knows me realizes that there is no "In Moderation" switch in my head. If I'm doing something it will probably be done in excess. This is a problem for my oldest son, a delight to my daughter and an expectation for our youngest son. I like to party and give gifts so any occasion is an all out free for all as far as I'm concerned.
Back to Wednesdays gathering . . .  I invited 15 ladies, 5 told me right off the top they had previous engagements. It is the week before Christmas week after all so I expected as much. Two of the guests called the day of the party to say something had come up and they could not make it. So the count was now at eight. Naturally I had planned for 20 so there was an excess of food and drink. I managed to get a few of the gals to take home the spiral sandwiches for their hubbies dinner but the rest of the food remained after the door closed on our last guest.
My fridge OVERFLOWETH !  What does one do with 2 quarts of cold strawberry soup? I'm eating it as a dessert figuring it is made from yogurt so how fattening can it be.  The remaining sandwiches are packaged up and Ger seems to be working on bringing their numbers down. But the huge bag of fruit and vegetables from the trays is sitting in the fridge begging to be used before they all start to rot. The fruit bag not so much of a problem as I will throw the apples, grapes, melon, and strawberries on my strawberry yogurt soup covered cereal. (Is it any wonder my stomach acts up?) But that bag of assorted vegetables is just not going to go any where. I thought about making a nice vegetable soup but since it is 82 degrees outside and I know Ger will NOT eat vegetable soup that didn't seem like the best solution. Then it hit me !   THE JUICER !  Here I have all these cut up and clean fruits and vegetables to just throw into the juicer and viola, I have a healthy drink.  (Is this how the inventor of V8 got started?)
As Ger walked into the kitchen and gagged at the sight of my maroon glass of juice I was enjoying the most delicious juice I have yet to make. The contents of the juice included, zucchini, yellow squash, beets, carrots, celery, cucumber, broccoli, cauliflower, apple, grapes, kale, and mint. IT WAS REALLY GOOD !  I can never repeat this recipe because it just was a mix of what ever was in the bag and the few things I had going soft in the fridge. The beets and kale were on their last leg since I have had them sitting in there for over a week. (With candy and cookies in the house you think I'm going for the kale?)
The juice was especially tasty with the chocolate covered fruit from the tray I had bought at Ross. There is nothing like topping off a good healthy juice with some chocolate. But since it is chocolate covered FRUIT . . .  well then need I say any more?

FUN WITH FRIENDS

I had a wonderful day yesterday with some really interesting women. The group did not include those two really special BFF's from NY but we had a lot of fun any way.
This was a group of ladies that I have met since we came to Florida 9 years ago. YES, it has taken me that long to make friends ! Most of them are acquaintances, women who have come into my life whose company I enjoy.  There are a couple of FFF's, (Florida Friends Forever), who I hope to have as friends for a long time to come.
I had decided that since we did not have any family coming to our house for Christmas I would have a gathering to celebrate life! These women have helped me through the past year and a half and have come to mean a lot to me. The group included my FBFF,(Florida BFF), Carol. I met Carol about 7 years ago when she took a job in my chiropractor's office. We would chat once a month when I went in for an adjustment and then go a month without talking. I came to learn she had 3 children, two boys and a girl, just like me.  Unlike me she was a talented artist and belonged to a writing group that she attended weekly. I will admit she did intimidate me to some degree with all that artistic ability going on but none the less we did become friends. Now we are together at least twice a week, whether it be for Chai Tea at Starbucks or trying out some new eatery that one of us discovered. Carol was the one who introduced me to Overeaters Anonymous after she took me out to eat a few times and realized I had an issue with food. I can't imagine what gave her that idea but I am so grateful to her for leading me to something that makes sense and works. (Forget the fact that the holidays have put me on a hiatus on the whole weight loss thing.) Carol is also one to challenge me when I get feeling sorry for myself. She is the voice of reason that Sharon and Jeanne always are when I am with them. Carol is my muse and my angel. I am blessed to have her in my life.
Some of the other ladies included Cousin Lucille from Port St. Lucie and her friend Susanne who drove her down here and back. There was Lucy from OA, My chiropractor's mom whom I really enjoy and like Carol have developed a friendship over the past 9 years. There was my neighbor Dottie who I never get together with but exchange e-mails constantly. (She is the source of many of my political e-mails. Need I tell you she is from NY?)  I also invited a younger woman who was my masseuse at Massage Envy. Over the past year Theresa and I have become friendly and exchanged many personal problems during our massage sessions. About 3 months ago Theresa informed me she was going to have to give up her career that she loved. She is having medical issues with her hands and wrists and can no longer give massages. She is now in transition to find some other career that she loves as much as this one. She has worked in the medical field for years and years so this change is really shaking up her life. She is a lovely young woman who married four years ago at the age of 39. She is a huge football fan from upstate NY but her team is the Patriots. Go figure ! She is funny and young so she was a must to have at our soiree.
Everyone seemed to have a good time, the food was yummy, thanks to Publix and their party trays, my home made fruit infused water was a big hit, (blackberry sage and raspberry lime) and there were even some cookies for the sweet tooth crowd. That "crowd" turned out to be Husband. He was the only one with the nerve to go for the goodies. Now I have 18 iced cookies from Publix bakery and no  place to get rid of them. I think they will go in the freezer for January when the grand kids will all be here.

And so I have welcomed in the season of good cheer with a really great gathering of women. WE celebrated and talked and talked and talked. Politics and Religion were both topics of discussion and I did think things might take a nasty turn but the ladies did manage to refrain from fist-a-cuffs. Although I do think I heard a few mutterings of "stupid bitch" coming from one or two people.

RINGING IN THE HOLIDAYS

Unfortunately the only ringing I am hearing these days is the ringing in my ears and the LOUD buzzing from the TV. I do believe the buzzing is causing the ringing but that's up for discussion.

Once again I find myself a week before Christmas without a clue as to what I have for whom. My head is spinning, my ears are ringing and my back is aching.  Is there some Christmas carol about that? "Two wringing ears and a back that won't stop aching!"  I think I will write my own carols this year. They might include:
"Dashing to the mall in a beat up Chevrolet, all the spots are taken so I'll shop some other day."
"I'm dreaming of a quiet Christmas, without the baking and clean up. Oh my day will be merry and fine, cause I'm bringing a big jug of wine."
"Oh you better watch out, you better turn it down, Fox News is annoying and causing me to frown. I am liable to smash up the TV"

And on and on it goes!  With a thousand and ten things to be done the not so littlest elf is sitting on his shelf watching TV from dawn to dark. If Santa is watching I am in big big trouble. I think you get scratched from the NICE list when you curse and swear under your breath. And making obscene gestures behind Husbands back is sure to dump me on the NAUGHTY list. But since Santa usually doesn't leave me anything anyway I figure a lump of coal is better than nothing. I can use it to write nasty things on the bathroom wall.

MY HUSBAND IS AMAZING !

Ger is amazing ALL my friends down here with his complete lack of ability to do ANYTHING!  My BFF's in NY are used to Ger but the gals down here do not know or understand this man. They are learning fast !

I had a most awesome day today with my friend Carol. We went out early, (my kind of early, 10:30AM) for breakfast. We had ice cream! Well, not REAL ice cream but a vegan concoction of wonderful berries and peanut butter all mashed together into a sorbet texture topped with bananas and strawberries. OH MY !  It was better than Dairy Queen and that say A LOT !  Carol discovered this wonderful new place in Tequesta and had to share it! After breakfast we made 3 or 4 other stops, met with another friend for a latte at Starbucks, (minus the whipped cream) and then one last stop before heading home. What a great day with some really neat women.

But as it happens when a couple of friends get together there was a lot of talking! At one point Carol inquired as to whether Ger and I would exchange gifts for Christmas. It seems that after 48 years married she and her husband no longer exchange any gifts, whether for Hanuka, birthdays or anniversary.  "How very sad", I thought. Ger and I ALWAYS exchange gifts. As Carol inquired what I would be getting Ger for Christmas I started listing all the things I had already picked up and the couple of other things that I still wanted to shop for. She then took that question one step further and asked what sort of gifts Ger got for me.  At this point I had just pulled into a parking spot at the post office so I had time to pause and think. The answer . . . NOTHING.  I have already been told that I would be getting nothing for Christmas this year.

And here is the AMAZING part . . .  BECAUSE . . .  Ger doesn't have time to shop. Ger can't get out to shop, Ger doesn't know what to get me.
All that translates to me that Ger is lazy and doesn't care enough to make the effort.

It is AMAZING that Ger does NOTHING all day except watch FOX News.
It is AMAZING that Ger couldn't pick up the phone and call one of our children and ask them for ideas or help ordering something.
It is AMAZING that Ger can't even stop at the local florist, (yes, that would be the one I have pointed out EVERY time we are in the CVS shopping center)
It is AMAZING that I have stayed with this man all these years and never once taken a bat to his head.

Yes folks, he is AMAZING all right.  Even with watching TV all day long and seeing all those TV commercials for Christmas products the man STILL can't come up with an idea for a gift for his wife.

By the end of our wonderful day out Carol was shaking her head in AMAZEMENT that this man could be so dense and self centered and that I put up with him.

And that folks is the truly AMAZING part.              Why do I put up with him?

STOP PISSING ME OFF !

Work with me here because I know most of this will sound totally over the top and convince you that the papers for the "funny farm" should be filled out and submitted.

Last weekend was VILE !  Lots of reasons for my poor state of mind . . . Thanksgiving was over and Kyle and Roman had gone home and I was really missing them. Ger's brain was working at an all time low and I do NOT deal well with stupidity. The man was really pissing me off because he just had no brain power at all and was asking the same questions over and over among many other things. (If anyone in this family is going to get Alzheimer's it should be me because I really don't handle caring for someone who is not using all their burners.) Combine these 2 things with the fact that I ate way too many sweets this vacation and it threw me into a funk. (One of  my OA friends swears that sugar and junk food make her a blubbering mess who can't stop crying. I am seeing that this is very true for me also.) Bottom line, I was feeling super bitchy and mean and I started cursing out (this is where it gets weird for you), Satan. As in THE DEVIL.  I am always talking to God, looking for strength and peace and what ever but I always ignore Satan because I despise him. But feeling as pissed and nasty as I was I decided to give good old Mr. Devil a great big "F" YOU !
See, in my thinking, when things are not going good it is all Satan's fault.  He loves to play games with us and get us to doubting ourselves and those around us. This being the case I got very cocky and gave him an "In your face A hole. F U."
Ever since that things have just been so screwed up all week.  Three days in a row there were mess ups with appointments.  One day the personal trainer never showed, the next day Ger and I were too early because I didn't check the calendar. Day three I was running late to an appointment and there were numerous meandering drivers getting in my way followed by the draw bridge opening just as I was about to go across causing me to be later by another 10 minutes. (There is no such thing as a speedy draw bridge. All those freaking gates going up and down drives me nuts!)
But the final straw came this afternoon when I had a 2:45 doctor appointment. I arrived at 2:30 on the dot and was given a stack of forms to check over and fill in any missing material. While I was doing this 3 other people came in and were also given forms. I returned my packet. followed by  persons one, two and three. Then a fourth person came in and was given forms.  Next thing person 1 is called in to see the doctor, then person 2, followed by person 3. All the while I am sitting patiently waiting. I went up to the desk and asked if they had forgotten me. The receptionist replied that she was just working on putting my information in the computer and I would be called next. (If I got there first why wasn't my information put in first?) When they called person #4 in I had had it. It was an hour since I had arrived, everyone in the waiting room had been called in to see the doctor, all had arrived after me and I still was sitting there. I got up and walked out! Done ! F U and the horse you rode in on and I will find another doctor who does not have A Holes working for them.
As I drove down the street cursing up a blue streak it dawned on me that Satan was laughing his fat ass off at me!  I had been played with all week long and fell right into the trap. BUT . . . I'm done with that game, thank you very much, and will not let myself get side tracked again. I cancelled my early morning appointment tomorrow morning and will now take some deep breaths and get a good night's sleep and start over again.
Bring it on bad boy,  We'll see who gets the last laugh!

HAPPIEST THANKSGIVING

I don't know if it was Kristen's fabulous and obscenely delicious seven layer bars or just the wonder of the day but I wanted . . . No, NEEDED, to write this blog tonight.  Ger is sleeping as are Kyle and Roman, I am tired but the seven layer bars are rolling around in my stomach and my brain is rolling around all the fantastic moments of the past week and the joy of this day.

Backing up to set the scene . . . Ger has had a horrible cold for 2 weeks.  Kyle arrived late Saturday and Ger was coughing and snotting into his vile handkerchiefs. Ger stayed home on Sunday when the rest of us went to Pompano to see Smith and his parents. We went to the Ft. Lauderdale science museum and had a wonderful day.  At home that night Ger woke me at midnight because he was on the floor of the bathroom and couldn't get up. He had knelt down to throw up and couldn't get back up off the floor. He wouldn't let me get Kyle so the 2 of us spent a half hour maneuvering till he could get to a point of hanging on the sink while I lifted him. The next morning I called the doctor. It was either that or take him to the ER.  As I looked at him Monday morning I realized the left side of his neck was very swollen.tha steal led the deal that he needed to see a doctor A.S.A.P. God bless dr. V, she told us to come in right away. She took one look at Ger and discussed putting him into the hospital. Instead WE decided to get him a CT scan, give him some intravenous hydration and a stronger antibiotic. Seven hours later we returned home to Kyle and Roman who had spent the day hanging out. Nice vacation with grandma and grandpa!
Tuesday we went back for more hydration and the results of the CT Scan. The neck swelling was from a blood clot in his neck so Ger is now back on the daily shots of blood thinner. Kyle came up and stayed with Ger for the 3 hours of intravenous and Roman and I did some target and Walmart shopping for last minute stuff. We had lunch and lots of laughs.
Wednesday Ger was still a mess and very very muddled in his brain thanks to the meds and the sinus infection that he also had. We left Ger home to sleep, Kyle went and swam in the ocean and Roman and I went to the movies. This young man is a joy to be with. He is maturing from the little boy who joined the family 3 years ago but is still very young and innocent. I really enjoyed our special time together.
Uncle Kent, aunt Kristen and Smith arrived last night and the 2 boys, ten years apart image had a great time playing, running and watching movies together. Smith just adores Roman and Roman is wonderful with Smith. That left lots of time for the adults to just relax and have a few laughs.
I woke up this morning to the smell of roasting turkey that Kyle had gotten started at 8. He even cooked breakfast for everyone and made the coffee. What a guy!!!!!  Later in the morning we all went to the park and watched Roman and Smith while we enjoyed the bright sunshine and cool temperature. Grand pa was feeling better and less confused but he stayed home to "watch the turkey" and nap. We returned to find the turkey ready, pulled the rest of the dinner together and sat down to a scrumptious Thanksgiving dinner. After which everyone took naps while I got to clean and reorganize my kitchen. That was a great gift to me. I could clean up at my own pace and by the time envy one woke up we were ready for the AMAZING TURKEY CAKE that Roman and I had created from one we saw on the compute. I promise to show you the cake tomorrow once I download the picture into the computer. We had more fun making this silly cake and it tasted SOOOOOOOOooooo
Good.
it was a wonderful day  . . . THANK YOU GOD !   We talked to family and friends, we ate a fantastic meal and I had my tow sons and their sons with me to share this day.
I AM SO BLESSED !

PIGS IN POOP

That is what I am happier than these past 2 days . . . "Happier than a pig in poop!" And all it took was 48 hours of rain.

I LOVE A RAINY DAY !  Or two or three. . .  as long as I don't have to go out I am in Pig Heaven. Three days ago all I wanted to do was curl up and sleep and be left alone.  That was on the sunny day. Then Ger's cold kicked into over drive and the clouds and rain moved in and the world is suddenly looking really good.
Ger brought his cold back from Maryland compliments of our grand son Finley. Wiping Finn's nose with his handkerchief and then returning the snot filled, germ laden wad of cloth to his pants pocket probably wasn't Ger's smartest move. So sure enough, 5 days later, the germs began to hatch and 7 days later the man is sneezing and coughing his brains out. After waking me by coughing right in my face on Monday night I moved myself into the guest bedroom for some germ free dreams. By Tuesday Ger was feeling rotten and even with the anti biotic from his oncologist he is still miserable. I have been avoiding him at all cost and thanks to his cold he does not want to leave the house. That added to the pouring rain has set me into the best mood and I have cleaned closets and dressers that have not been touched since we moved here nine years ago. My motor is running thanks to good nights sleep and a husband who is too ill to even want to talk to me. Not that I am happy Ger is sick, just glad I don't have to entertain him. Fox News is taking care of that for me.
But as always,  there is a down side to all this.  First and foremost are the DISGUSTING handkerchiefs that are all over the place. I mean, GROSS!  I have written about this ancient hold over from knights of old who snotted on their sleeves. I would actually prefer that to the nasty hankies laying stiff or juicy all over the place. They fall out of H's pockets and he doesn't realize he is leaving a trail of plague germs where ever he goes. I can't ask him to stoop down and pick them up because his balance is poor enough that he still falls over on occasion.  Once a day I don my Hazmat suit and rubber gloves and do a sweep of the house with a garbage bag in one hand and the Lysol in another.  I put all the handkerchiefs, towels, throw rugs etc. that have come in contact with Typhoid Harry into boiling water in the washer with a gallon or so of bleach and soak the hell out of them.  I WILL NOT CATCH THIS COLD !  Right about now I am a walking commercial for Zicam. I hate those little suck on things but they sure as hell do work. The great side effect of them is that they make me sick to my stomach so I get to loose weight without being actually sick. WIN . . .  WIN for me !

Today the sun came out and my energy hit rock bottom. I did take some time this afternoon to sit in the sun in the back yard and it was WONDERFUL !   I finally finished watching all six seasons of BREAKING BAD and feel like I have lost some old friends.  What will I watch next ? Is Netflix streaming not the best thing EVER!!!!!  All these shows that I don't get to watch each week can be watched when and where I want. I really need to get a life!  I talked Ger into joining a local gym to build some strength and mobility. He was doing well when going to physical therapy but has not done anything since then.  I hope that by going together, having a personal trainer for a couple of sessions we will both benefit. Ger is already telling me he doesn't think this is going to work for him.

 Kyle and Roman arrive tomorrow for a week at Grand ma's ! I'm really looking forward to the 2 boys being here. I still have to set up the guest bedroom for them but other than that we are good to go.

Smith just called to tell us he is getting a pet goldfish tonight. His parents told him he could get a fish if he had NO time outs at school this week. The little guy scored a perfect week and so the gold fish will be purchased as soon as mommy gets home from work. Smith has already chosen a name for his fish . .
Unlike his cousin Kaelin who named her fish Flower and cousin Abby who named her fish something equally as cute, Smith will be naming his new fish . . .  (wait for it) . . .  GARBAGE TRUCK !
Some how that does not surprise me one bit, after all he IS Kent's son !

Have a great weekend everyone.  And keep laughing !

WHATS HAPPENIN' ?

So . . .  we are back from a week in Maryland with Finn and Kaelin and boy does my body hurt !  We babysat the kids while Keri and Steve were in Jersey for 4 days along with their 5,500 new best friends listening to Tony Robbins speak.  They returned all fired up and Ger and I collapsed on the floor.  It was a great 4 days for all in spite of the fact that Finn had a horrific cold and grandma lost her cool in the middle of Bob Evans. But that was another story.

Now we are home and the race for Thanksgiving and Christmas is upon us.  Did you realize Christmas is only 5 weeks away ????????   I was doing fine till I took time to count the days. But I am determined to remain cool and not let these tired old bones just collapse under me.
I dug out the three thousand Christmas cards that have been arriving at our house from various religious groups since this past May. Can you believe these places think that if they send me Christmas cards in May I will actually know where they are in December ? The cards have been tossed into the garage in the general direction of my desk. Yesterday I went out and swept them all together and went through them last night. Keepers, give aways and trash. Now that that is done I have to start writing them so they can be sent off before New Years. That means I have to sit down and write THE CHRISTMAS LETTER. That would be the one that you get in our card, read once and toss in the trash. But it's tradition so you're not getting off without one. Also included on the TO DO list is finding a CHRISTMAS PHOTO. Can I use the one we had from last year? I don't remember all of us being together at one time this past year and if we were no one got a photo of it. I might just put in a blank piece of paper and ask everyone to draw their own version of what they think we all look like. I would be easy to draw, round circle, grey hair . . . done.  Ger would be stick figure with a bald head on top, sort of like a lollipop.  The kids and grand kids change daily so that's that for pictures.

I made big progress today in finally emptying my suitcase and storing it away as we have no plans of going any where till after the new year.  Now I have to get working on the guest room for Roman and Kyle who will arrive a week from today for the Thanksgiving week. That involves moving all the Christmas gifts from that room and hiding them some where else. Speaking of Christmas gifts, I have a bunch of things that I picked up along the year but now have to figure out who gets what. Naturally the things that I bought for Smith last July are no long of any interest to him. Then we have to consider the mailing of the gifts which means I will shop on line, have things sent directly to the grand kids and still have a closet full of things that I bought this past year. What was I thinking?

WE met out new neighbors today. Our 96 year old neighbor, Sarah, passed away a couple of months ago and her house was snatched up and sold in a day. The new folks are former New Yorkers, Brooklyn no less, moved to Baltimore and now to Florida. They are 10 years younger so Ger and I no longer qualify as "THE NEW FOLKS ON THE BLOCK". Our neighborhood is changing with all the original owners dying off and younger retirees moving in. The houses are being gutted and rebuilt making our value go up but also making me want to renovate some things. And that just isn't happening. I'm lucky I can get Ger to buy toilet paper, never mind a whole new bathroom.

Ger has been behaving himself these days. Maryland exhausted him so I'm letting him rest up. He keeps me on my toes because I never know what he will do next. There's never a dull moment.

HOW MANY CLICKERS DOES IT TAKE TO WATCH A TV

Remember the good old days when you walked into the living room, went up to the TV, turned tint ONI and stood there waiting for it to warm up. Then you adjusted the Lund, turned the nob a couple of times to find one of the four channels that you wanted to watch and sat down and didn't move until that show was over.  If you needed to change channels or adjust the sound you got up, walked to the TV and did what you needed to do.  NOT ANY MORE!
We are with Kaelin and Finn while their parents are away for fur days. God help grandpa if he is twenty minutes without Fox News so travel is always a challenge for the poor dear. And to make matters worse he has to share the TV with a five year old and a two year old . . .  Both of whom can operate the TV clickerS with no problem at all while grandpa sits there with his thumb up his butt. Ger is still trying to master the ONE clicker that he is allowed to touch. (The DVD and actual TV clicker are forbidden to him. Nt only would he totally screw up the TV AND DVD player but he would then proceed to loose either one or both of them. He is happy with his possession of the cable clicker and thinks he is big stuff when he can find a show he wants to watch. Now we come to Maryland, the home of endless clickers and endless choices of programming. I realized early on to just hand all the remotes over to five year old Kaelin and let her perform her magic. Are we going to watch something from Netflix? Or how about something from On Demand? There are also all the shows that mom and dad have recorded so that means another clicker or perhaps we just want to watch the Disney channel.  Even my head is spinning at the choices of places these kids can find shows to watch. Grandpa is just comatose. Not only can't he handle the choices but the fact that none of those choices involve Fo News is just too over the too for him.
Today Finn wasn't feeling well so we spent the morning in their living room playing cars and watching TV. Kaelin had gone to school so it was up to me to find Finns favorites.  I managed to get him to settle for Disney channel and what ever show happened to be on at the time.  That was great until I put Finn down for his nap and I fell asleep on the bed. Ger was left to his own devices and an array of clickers.  He took a nap!
Good thing we both napped because we are pooped.  Little people are all in bed. Dinner was eaten, showers were taken, homework done, teeth brushed and books read. Now that I think of it I never gave Kaelin her allergy medicine. Oops, just when I thought I had it under control.
I think I'll be going to bed . . . It's one place that I don't need a clicker or an instruction sheet.
Wish us well fr the next three days and I'll let you no if we survive.

GRANDMAS LAST STRAW IS GRANDPA

Life is tough.  Babysitting is tougher. Babysitting two kids is really tough. BUT . . . babysitting two kids and a grandpa is the END of grandmas sanity.
Today put me over the edge and set me off on a total melt down in the middle of Bob Evans Restaurant in front of the grand kids and the entire senior citizen population of Southern Maryland. It's been a tough four days here with our two super little grand kids. Finn had come down with a horrible cold. Keri almost didn't leave because she was so worried about him but I assured her we would be fine. And we are fine, sort of.  Thursday and Friday were really nerve wracking days with Finn. He developed a bad cough and the poor little guy just laid around with his nose and eyes pouring fluids. Then he would get coughing and gag himself. That resulted in him getting even more upset because he was throwing up. I had it under "control" but I was worried sick that he was going to end up in the hospital with a chest infection. We did nebulizer treatments, sort of. Have you ever tried to get a two year old to sit and suck on a smoking hose? I ain't a walk in the park. But we survived, Finn and I. Kaelin was super and a big helper so all was holding steady until today. Finn napped four hours yesterday. Granny came over to watch the kids while ger and I went to mass. When we got home at 5:15 Finn was still in bed. I went in and got him up but that was the beginning of THE END OF GRANDMA! Finn and Kaelin didn't get to bed till nine last night. Finn was up at 6:45 this morning and since he is only two and doesn't know how to talk quietly, he woke his sister way before she was ready.  TODAY WAS HELL THANK YOU VERY MUCH!  The kids were fine but now we get to factor in grandpa. Grandpa is also tired and when grandpa is tired, or cranky, or being ignored for three days, grandpa gets right down to the level of a two year old. Grandpa was upset that there were toys in the bath tub when he wanted to shower.  He couldn't understand why "the kids" don't pick up their toys. He then attempts to bully the kids into doing what he wants. You can imagine how we'll that works. We are now at the point of neither Kaelin or Finn wanting to be anywhere near grandpa. The first couple of days Finn would let ger ideal him with his shoes or jacket. Now Finn gets hysterical if I say ""go ask grandpa". Finn went to pieces when ger went to buckle him into his car seat. The poor little guy was screaming "grandma do!" Thanks Ger, really need that kind of help!
Not only that but the man wipes Finns nose with his own handkerchief and then puts it back in his pocket to use on himself. Guess who now has Finns cold!  That and the pig headed stubborn attitude caused  Ger to stomp off into the living room and loose his balance while stepping over the kids toys. There was a God awful crash followed by a second louder crash. I rushed into the living room and the was husband sitting on the floor after falling and taking down the large speaker next to him. He cut his leg and bruised himself but won't show me because he knows he was being a jerk.
So when we went out to eat tonight because I couldn't bring myself to cook and the restaurants was packed so we got back in the car with Finn crying he was hungry but really he was exhausted because he didn't nap today, and we drove across the parking lot to the first place we came to which turned out to be BOB EVANS which is pretty much a clone of Denny's, but I didn't care because I was going to kill myself in another five seconds, and we walked in and the nice young man cheerfully said, "and how are we doing tonight?"...... I LOST IT! I told him we were having a freaking lousy time with two little kids who are really hungry and I want a seat and food really fast before I totally loose it! ! !  After the kid quickly seated us I sent off a quick text message to my daughter to let her know that I was not doing well and she really needed to know that I am not handling this well and that she probably should never ask me to watch her kids ever again. My phone rand seconds later and I felt terrible but it was good to hear the upset in her voice because now I knew I wasn't alone. She KNEW how I was feeling and she felt it also. SO I STARTED TO CRY!
Yep, there I sat, food strewn all over the table, Kaelin blowing bubbles in her hot chocolate so it sprayed all over the table and Finn licking the orange marmalade out of the little breakfast containers stacked in that little metal holder on the table.
And I didn't give a flying frenchmans F....   I NEEDED to breakdown and not have some idiot husband say, "just pull yourself together" .
Ahhhhh, guess what ?  I hear Finn.  Please God give me a break !

DAMN . . .

PHONE . . . DOG . . .  MICROWAVE . . . CAR . . .  WATER JUG . . .  SHOWER . . . NOZZLE ON THE HOSE . . .  and on and on it goes!

Tonight it is "DAMN PHONE" but in any given day it could be one or all of the above with all sorts of other "DAMNS" thrown in.  Never is it "DAMN STUPID GERARD". It is always the fault of what ever item Ger can not manage to figure out.

How anyone can have so many problems with a flip phone is well beyond my understanding but every time the man's phone rings it takes him 2 or 3 tries to actually get to talk to the person who is calling. And his conversation always starts with, "DAMN PHONE!".
 At first I would try to give suggestions on HOW TO ANSWER A PHONE. I mean, really . . .  open it up and hold it to your ear. NO!  Too complicated.
First he has to establish that there is something in the vicinity of himself that is making a noise. As in, HELLO! YOUR POCKET IS RINGING!!!! (An actual comment from a fellow shopper standing next to Husband.) Once H realizes something is making noise other than himself or the TV he has to figure out WHAT is making that noise. This is usually about the time that I YELL, "GER, YOUR PHONE IS RINGING!" Now that he realizes it is indeed HIS phone he has to figure out where the phone is. This process involves his looking all around the room and then starting to pat himself down. (When was the last time H had his phone hanging around his neck? Why is he patting down his chest? ) H finally realizes it IS HIS PHONE AND IT IS IN HIS PANTS POCKET !  A huge leap of intelligent processing on his part! By now the phone has usually stopped ringing. But that is no deterrent for H. He finally locates the correct pocket, digs out the phone and is now fumbling to get the thing open. Seeing how he has only had this phone for the past 6 years you would suppose opening it would come naturally. NOPE! There he stands grabbing at it like a chicken with mittens on. It usually hits the floor about now but sometimes he is able to actually keep hold of it. Once the phone is opened, and this is where it really gets to be fun, H starts pushing buttons!
You do understand that by now the person calling has hung up and probably gone to bed but there stands Husband pushing buttons like crazy while yelling at the top of his voice, "HELLO, HELLO, HELLO!!!!"  Followed by a quick snap shut of the phone and a loud DAMN PHONE !!

So if for any reason you should call H never expect him to answer. It is just too difficult. Don't bother leaving a message because he still doesn't know how to retrieve them.  Just hang up and wait. If you are lucky H will hand me his phone and I will tell him who the caller was and he will call you back. Its about the best you can hope for.

And you wonder why I walk around yelling, DAMN HUSBAND !

HEAD BUTTS

Our son Kent and daughter-in-law Kristen had a cat that gave the best head butts in the whole world. Motsie was one cool cat, fat and lazy and just a giant fuzz ball of love. He would come over to visit you where ever you were and check you out. If you happened to be standing at the kitchen counter he would jump up, casually saunter over and put his head down so you could head butt him in the gentlest way possible. I think it was his way of saying, "Hey, I like you!"  Not every one got head butts, Husband for example would never let poor Mots near enough to get some love but Kristen and Kent got their fill. Sometimes it was at 5 in the morning when a head butt was the last thing in the world you wanted but when Motsie wanted to show some love, you got love!
It was several years before I was graced with the fuzzy big guys love. I think it was after our drive from Maryland to Florida in a rental truck when Kristen was moving to Delray. Kent and Kristen were in their car with Mookie the dog and  I got to drive the truck with Motsie draped across the dash board right in front of the steering wheel. It was a delightful two day trip with Motsie staying in the hotel room with me on our overnight stop. We got to be pretty friendly, all things considered. Mots did not like being grabbed and wrapped in a blanket to be transported from home to truck, truck to hotel, hotel to truck and truck to new home. But he weathered the trip with his usual cat like indifference and adjusted to life in Florida. Soon after he was settled in I began to be blessed with his affection in the form of a head butt. He is missed now that he has passed on to the big litter box in the sky. Charlie the cat has yet to acknowledge I am alive, no less show me any affection.

But that is all past and the only head butts I get these days are the grease marks on our bathroom mirror. I have yet to figure out how the marks got there as they are on the side wall mirror. As would be expected they are on Ger's side of the sinks. They are just about at the height of where Ger's head would be while he is standing at the sink. BUT HOW DID THEY GET THERE?
I noticed today there are 3 marks. Has Ger fallen over 3 times and bumped his head on the wall? Has he fallen asleep while brushing his teeth?  Has he walked out of the shower and straight into the wall?
I think I am going to make sure I am brushing my teeth when he is in the sink room  so I can watch to see what the heck the man is doing. I have come to realize that ANYTHING is possible but this one stumps me.
I'll keep you posted.

I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP AT 8

Or at nine or ten or sometimes even eleven. It's ten PM and H is snoring and I am wandering. Yes I am tired and I will curse myself at 6:30 AM when the freaking alarm goes off but I can NOT fall asleep yet. I have the choice of laying down and tossing and turning for to or three hours before I actually fall into a sort of sound sleep or I can sit up and blog or play solitaire. I do love sitting here alone so I will take plan "B". The option of watching TV is not appealing because I am finding that most of the stuff on TV is crap. I would sit and watch movies or old TV series but then I would stay up ALL night. Got to find a happy medium somewhere.
Now if I had come in today and taken a nap on the bed around 3 or 4 I probably could have slept through the entire afternoon, evening AND night and been well rested when the alarm went off at dawn. But Ger would have missed dinner so that isn't an option. As you well know Ger can not find the kitchen, never mind prepare food for himself so if I want him to continue to heal I do have to feed the poor thing. It would be so easy to just let him starve to death but I do think I would miss him and then who would I write about?
Tomorrow we have to be up at sunrise to go have BRAIN MRI #5. Every three months its a PET scan or an MRI to make sure the cancer is still in remission. It's an easy thing to do and it is very reassuring. I may have lost my mind years ago but we know for a fact Ger still has his brain. I really wish the MRI showed how much of that brain was actually functioning. I still find myself in these strange conversations wondering how I got there and where the hell it is going. You know when you try to converse  with a two year old and they just keep saying, "WHAT?". That's what our conversations are like. Today we had lunch out and I spent the entire meal watching Ger watch other people. We are the old couple that you see never talking to each other. He is so distracted by EVERYTHING else around him thact I need not be present. And yet I still want to keep him around . . .  Go figure!

GET-A-WAY !

Because living in South Florida for 9 glorious years isn't enough of Heaven, H and I still like to "escape" every now and then. Because we live here there are always the bills to be paid, phones to answer, beds to make and laundry to get done. So even on the MOST PERFECT days it still isn't really like a vacation.  And that is why Keri and Steve gave us a gift certificate for a wonderful little hotel in Vero Beach.
Last Christmas, when our kids still didn't believe Ger would kick some Cancer Butt, Keri and Steve thought it would help Ger to heal if we had an opportunity to travel and feel "normal". That didn't happen but the knowledge that we COULD get away was a carrot on a stick to both of us. "Hey Ger, maybe we'll go to Vero after this month's chemo!", "Radiation is almost over. Maybe you'll be up to a trip to the hotel!", "Now that chemo is ending I bet we will be able to get away!". And on and on it went for almost a whole year.
The gift card was expiring in 10 weeks and still we hadn't gotten away. And so last week I called and made a 2 night reservation and let every thing else work around that. Ger is feeling GOOD ! He is very much "recovered". Still slower and older than before the whole Cancer Crap but he feels GOOD!
And so we left Wednesday morning for our 2 nights at the Caribbean Court Hotel, which turned out to be PERFECT ! Vero is only an hour north of us and an easy ride. Our biggest problem was finding the place. We had the address, were on the correct street yet drove up and down the small stretch or beach road unable to find the hotel. Turns out it is hidden behind a virtual jungle of plants and flowers. The two story buildings are covered in Bougainvillea that hides it from the rest of the world. Our room was on the second floor with a kitchen that overlooked the gardens.  It was WONDERFUL!
For a day and a half we just sat by the pool and RELAXED ! We met some lovely people from England, Arlington, MA and Delray Beach, Fl.  Go figure . . .  everyone was on holiday and loving our little hied-a-way. There was a schmancy restaurant which none of us chose to dress up for but rather everyone found their way to the piano bar where we could dine on the same fine food in a much more relaxed atmosphere while listening to some enjoyable music by a talented pianist.  Aren't we just the continental POSH folk!

Sitting looking at the ocean

And what a view it is !

Relaxing by the pool

A touch of Heaven

TEENY TINY TOILETS

You can tell my life has quieted down a bit when I have time to contemplate things like toilets. That and the fact that travel always open ideas for blogs because I am out in the world seeing things that I don't normally see. (Even though I see my toilet several times a day.)

I think this blog started with the purchase of our new toilet several months ago. Up to that point I really did not choose to think often and hard about toilets. In fact that is the soul reason I have a cleaning lady. I HATE TOILETS. Years and years of cleaning and gagging at the prospect of cleaning a toilet have resulted in a cleaning lady.  I would love if she would come to my house once, (or twice) a day just to clean that nasty bowl of disgusting filth.

(We were once at a wedding where the persons sitting next to us lived in a Hippie Community and had no inside toilet. Seeing how they were living in the state of Maine we inquired how that worked during the often long and snowy winters. Their reply was," It's fine. We don't like to shit in our house." If you think about it any animal you know will not poop where it sleeps. And yet I have a toilet only steps away from my bed. TOTALLY GROSS! But also quite welcome in the middle of the night when I have to pee!)

Anyway . . .  Once again, getting oldER is a problem at times when we have to "use the facilities". Have you noticed that most public toilets are built about 18 inches off the floor thus requiring good knees in order to sit?  Go into a public rest room with several stalls. There will be ONE stall with a toilet built at a normal sitting height and the rest are just inches off the floor. When you sit at your dinning room or kitchen table do you sit nearly on the floor or are your chairs high enough that it does not require you to SQUAT?  Are not the seats on trains, buses and planes a normal sitting height? When in waiting rooms are you required to squat in order to sit?  So WHY are public toilets built so low to the ground ???????   And why is there only ONE "Handicapped" toilet sitting there at a normal height?  I know I am not old enough to be considered handicapped but it is a problem getting my knees to bend so much in order to get down to the toilet seat. Especially after sitting in a cramped airplane seat for the past 4 hours. I feel guilty making a bee line for the one handicapped stall when there were all those wheel chair people on my plane. (But then it appears that along with being miraculously cured they also have incredible bladders that do not need to be emptied every 2 hours.)

I think we need to get some one thinking about changing the toilets in bathrooms to a NORMAL height and just make one or 2 stalls with teeny tiny toilets for the children and midgets who are traveling. There are far more adults than little people traveling and I think it would be a great service to all if toilets grew a few inches higher.

As to our new toilet . . .  we bought it for Ger when he was recovering from the effects of chemo. He was so weak that the effort of sitting on such a low seat caused him serious problems. One day he got up the momentum to stand and wound up sailing across the room and into the opposite wall, smacking his head on the towel rack. (I'm sure this is not a common occurrence but it was a matter of get a new toilet or pad the wall of the bathroom.)
Once we purchased the new commode we realized how much nicer it was on our knees and backs. There have been no further incidents involving towel racks and I have decided that when in public I am heading to the handicapped stall.
I do tend to affect a limp just in case anyone is paying attention.

OUCH, OOOH, AGHHH, OWWWWW !

In the words of Grand ma Rita Lawlor, "It's not easy getting old!"  And our response to her, being young and snarky, was always, "What's the alternative?"

I"m thinking Rita was a lot smarter than we gave her credit for. She did not like the aging process and was quick to make that fact know to whom ever would listen.  Let me join her in her cry, "IT SUCKS TO GET OLD !"  And I don't even consider myself old but my body sure does feel old.

After two and a half hours of packing up Kyle and Bridget's condo my body feels about ONE HUNDRED AND TEN!  And it is only a one bedroom condo. Given, it is on the third floor and there is no elevator, right there I am exhausted just climbing the stairs to the condo. Once inside we knew we were in for a long afternoon. (K&B have sold the condo so Ger and I offered to save Bridget a 10 hour trip down to empty the place of their possessions. We didn't have any boxes but we did have a bunch of cloth grocery bags that came in very handy and a whole box of plastic garbage bags. Between that and the creative packing of dishes into the insulated picnic bag on wheels we were good to go.

As with any house, it is always amazing the amount of crap you can accumulate in a very short span of time. (I'm not saying that the kids have crap, it is just a term of endearment for someone else's stuff.

Having just returned from time with Aunt Ann Marie and friend Gloria I was itching to do some CLEANING AND THROWING OUT.  Glo and Ann Marie are kindred spirits in the "Pack Rat" department. If they have one mug, they have forty. If they have one pot they have twenty. Their cabinets and drawers are filled to over flowing and I am always wanting to empty them out and throw out half of what is there. This is NOT to say there is anything wrong with these 2 wonderful ladies. Rather it is a sad reflection on my anal OCD and the fact that I have way too much time on my hands.
I get goose bumps on days when I can stay home and clean out a cabinet or a drawer. The Joy of Tossing just makes my day.

But today I just got to pack up. There was a minimum of tossing and a maximum of bending and stooping to empty cabinets and drawers. At one point Ger was laying on the floor of the bedroom pushing things out from under the bed. It was only by an act of God that he was able to get back up and on to his feet. It was one of those times when you really hope there are no hidden cameras. I performed the same contortions when trying to get up off the kitchen floor after emptying the cabinets under the sink. We did a lot of laughing at each other and were very grateful that we did not have to carry the 30 some boxes and bags down the 3 flights of stairs. That job has been relegated to the poor realtor who is handling the sale.

We packed up sheets, towels, dishes and cleaning supplies. Kid games and toys and an assortment of books.  How did they end up with so much stuff?
As Ger said as we were driving home, "If Kyle decides to sell his 4 story house we are busy the day he packs all that stuff up!"

Ger is now asleep in front of Fox News and I am headed out to the pool. I do see a nap in my future. That and a couple of Aleve should get these old bones to settle back down. Thank Heaven for our kids who see to it that we have things to do to stay in shape. If it wasn't for them and the Grand kids Ger and I would REALLY be a couple of old farts.

TRAVELING AGAIN . . . AT LAST !

The travel bug is off and running around in us. Ger is finally feeling well enough to give this a try and so far he is doing great.  The fact that he is getting antsy and wanting to get traveling is such a great thing after the year of fighting cancer.

Last week we packed our bags and flew off to Long Island to stay with Ger's sister Ann Marie.  You know Ann Marie, the Queen of Shopping and our constant travel buddy when we go some place other than to visit our children. She picked us up at the airport on Long Island last Saturday and we spent 3 days visiting with friends and family.  Her grand kids are so grown up, ranging from 4 - 16. It was great seeing all of them and catching up on family news. Although every one keeps up to date through facebook there are still things to catch up on.

We left AM's house in her car on Wednesday and headed for Maine and our long time friends
Glo and John. We had an absolutely beautiful day to sail across Long Island Sound from Orient Point to New London, CT. It was hot and sunny and the sometimes raging sound was as calm as could be. From New London we headed up the coast past Boston where we waved at brother Joseph and his wife Sue. We had hoped to get an invitation to stay over with them for a day but they were too busy with other engagements so we just waved as we drove past their exit on our way North. WE arrived in Falmouth, Maine early afternoon and were welcomed with open arms by Glo and John. John has had some health issues and we were worried that our visit would over tax him but it seems that the laughter that is always present when we all get together has been just the medicine he needed. Last night we got to see their beautiful daughter, Jenna and her adorable little man, Orion. Orion is two and just a ball of fun. I got my little person fix by sitting on the floor playing cars for an hour. He is all boy and reminded me a lot of Smith. (Smith and his parents are in Maryland for a wedding of one of Kristen's cousins. They haven't traveled together any where in ages so I am hoping they have a great time. I talked with them quickly this morning and all was going great. They had stayed overnight last night with Keri and Steve so Smith, Finley and Kaelin got to spend some quality cousin time together.)

Today we are packing up some things and heading to Gloria and John's "CAMP" on Lake Sobago. We will spend the weekend there just laughing and relaxing on the lake. It is so very different from Florida and we are really enjoying the change of scenery and weather. We are wearing jeans and tee shirts with light jackets on and it feels wonderful. I had to dig under the bed to find these long forgotten clothes. I believe the Florida weather has been rain and 86 degrees while here the sun is shining and it is in the mid seventies. AHHHHHHH ! As Ger says, "This is our winter."

And so that is the latest up date on our where abouts.  Other than falling off the edge of the bed the other night Ger is doing great. He isn't tiring too much, his appetite is great and he is relaxed. Balance and strength are good so I am happy to report I am not having to worry too much. The bed incident was hysterical once I realized he was not hurt but the man sure can scare the living day lights out of me. (He went to sit on the edge of the very high bed and didn't have his butt firmly planted. He slid, not gracefully, off the edge and onto the floor taking down a glass table and lamp with him. I had visions of broken glass and blood but there were no bodily injuries involved, just a bruised ego.)

I'll probably get to write again when we return to Florida. Hopefully with some pictures for you of the beautiful people and Maine country side. There have been no moose sightings so far but you never know what's around the next bend in the road.

GOD HAS A PLAN ?

Yea, Yea,  that's the story I give everyone and, in fact, do actually believe myself.    SOMETIMES!

I met with my book club ladies this morning and we went over a couple of chapters in the spiritual weight loss book we are working on.  When I am with these women I am FIRED UP !  Anything and everything seems possible. God has a plan for our lives. We are not in control, God is . . .
BLAGH . . . BLAGH . . .  BLAGH . . .  And the horse you rode in on !

One of the passages we read today suggested finding a quiet place to meditate. Sit very quietly, close your eyes, envision a peaceful, quiet setting and just breathe. As you are doing this envision God filling you with love. Isn't that just beautiful? Can't you just feel yourself calming down as you do this?

Every time I closed my eyes and tried to picture this I also pictured the door crashing open and Husband plowing in talking a mile a minute about Fox News or making one of his REALLY annoying noises. Have I told you about the assortment of sounds this man has taken to making? He burps and grunts and HUFFS.  I think I have written about the huffing but it is getting louder and more frequent. It is like he can't move without releasing air in a MOST ANNOYING manner. I am about to jump up and punch him in the stomach just to get all the air out of him. Picture a woman in labor doing Lamaze breathing . . .  that is H ALL THE FREAKING TIME !!

God has a plan . . .  I think his plan is for me to completely loose my mind, be committed to an insane asylum so I can work with the other poor crazy folks.  IS THAT YOUR PLAN, GOD ?????  FUNNY GUY!  REALLY . . .

One of my fellow book club ladies suggested that God has put H in my life as a lesson. She suggested that perhaps I am supposed to learn something from living with him all these years. The only thing I have learned is some really good curse words and finger motions. I am considering taking a class in brewing poison, learning Kung Fu or some weapons training.  Beyond those lessons I'm just not getting it!

It is a daily battle here to keep my temper in check and not leap across the room to beat the living crap out of the man. We have all the reasons why H's brain is not functioning as it could/should but there is nothing telling me how to remain calm and carry on. Some days are better than others but recently things are just getting soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard to smile at and ignore.
And if the man makes ONE MORE sarcastic remark about me I am afraid God's plan will involve a one way ticket to the hospital for Husband.

WAZZZZ ZUP !

Touching base from command central here.  Just enjoyed a great day with Smith and his parents.  Mommy Kristen is popping like Jiffy Pop even though she is only 3 months along with the twins.  She has popped so much in just a week I cannot imagine what she is going to look like at 9 months.  Some things are better not thought about.

Because I have my new wheels I was all set to save Kent and Kristen the drive up to our house today. Ger and I left here a little after noon and stopped to buy Ger a burger at Checkers. I just couldn't bring myself to eat anything at that point so I settled for a soda.  Off we cruised down to Pompano where we found the boys both sound asleep. Kristen let us in and we sat and chilled for an hour till the men folk got up.  Mookie and I FINALLY got our walk in, last week it was raining too hard and the time before that it was too hot to walk any place.  Mookie is getting old and I had to talk her into more than just once around the block.  The poor thing is 10 or 11 now and has no interest in sniffing or chasing lizards. I think her ears and eyes are failing so walking just isn't as much fun as it used to be. It IS a lot easier for grandma because we now do not have to stop at EVERY tree, shrub and plant. We were both glad to get back and lie on the couch for a while.
Once Smith and Kent joined the living we all left grandpa and Mookie to watch football while the rest of us went up to the pool for a swim. Now that Smith has wheels you would think the trip would take half the time but that is OH SO NOT the case. Evil Knievel took off zig zagging down the street until he noticed a lizard. At that  point he would come to a screeching halt, jump out of his car and announce to all of us, "Look at THIS lizard!"  After about the eighty second lizard mom and dad were making up lies about what was at the pool that we had to hurry to go see. That little man drove up to the pool, on to the sidewalk and right into the pool area without ever going off the side walk.  He drives a thousand times better than Grand Pa ! We all had a lovely swim and then returned to the house to get grand pa so we could go out to dinner. (The trip home took as long because not only did we have to stop to check out the lizards but Smith had to pick some flowers for mom and I to put in our hair.)  This kid is too freaking cute !

Next weekend we are all traveling so we won't get a Smith fix. We will be headed to Maine and a Glo and John fix on Frye Island and Smith and family are headed to a wedding with a quick overnight at cousin Finn and Kaelin's house in MD.  I bet we will all have lots of stories to tell when we all return.

YESTERDAYS

Yesterday my first born child had a birthday. Since he was born in 1973 I calculate he turned 40 yesterday. That is IMPOSSIBLE !
Wasn't it just yesterday that he was born? All 9 lbs, 15 oz of him.  Looking up at me with those HUGE blue eyes wondering what he had gotten himself into. (I was wondering the exact same thing!)
But then, wasn't it just yesterday that we celebrated his first birthday with cake and candles and party?
Or was is just yesterday that he got on that big yellow school bus for the first time and headed off to Kindergarten and the beginning of all those years of school, friends, learning and fun?
I think it was just yesterday that he came home from Junior High all upset after tennis practice that someone had stolen his brand new Swatch Watch that he had just gotten for his birthday.
Or was it high school and the trip to Paris with the French Club, Senior trip to Washington DC or Senior Prom.
And then I know it was just yesterday that we drove him to Fredricksburg, VA and dropped him at Mary Washington College where he blossomed into the man he is today, partly thanks to meeting his wife to be.
All those little jobs he had trying to survive when Bridget was in Grad school. Traveling across the country to go to spend 2 years in Oregon while he went to grad school.   Wasn't all that just yesterday?
I know it was just yesterday that my boy's daughter, Abby was born.  She can't possibly be 8 years old can she?  It was just yesterday that Kyle and his family went to Windsor, England for 3 years. It was just yesterday that Kyle and Bridget and Abby opened their hearts and home to Roman.

NOPE, all that is past . . .  It has been forty years since this amazing man was born and brought to us the greatest blessing God could give. I love this child more than life itself and thank God every day for his presence in our lives.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KYLE . . .  

STARTING TO LOOK ALIKE !

I have heard that the longer you live with a person the more you start to look like them.  I will have to shave my head and lose 40 more pounds to look like husband but after spending a fabulous four days with my buddy Sharon I have decided she and I are starting to look alike!

It does help that we are dressing alike but I am seeing more and more similarities as the years go by. If I could just get her to stop shrinking we would be twins.  Then if I could get her to move to Florida we could spend even more time together and look alike even more. (I don't think that is going to happen though.)
We do have a plan that when the husbands leave us because we have totally become bitches, or when we kill the husbands because we have totally gotten sick of being bitches, we are moving into my house and splitting the chores and costs. We are including friend Jeanne in this plan as she has more to bring to the partnership than both Sharon and I combined. Jeanne is younger, she cooks, cleans, drives and is way smarter than us so she can handle the finances. We figure between the 3 of us we would have it made for a relaxing, comfortable life without the aggravation of husbands. None of us have figured what the husbands bring to our lives that makes our lives better. Living with your best friends just seems the natural choice to a happier way of living. Sharon is a nurse so she can handle all the medical issues. Jeanne has creativity and a big car so she can keep us entertained. I'm not sure what I am bringing to this plan except I have the house with a pool so I guess that's my roll.
We can dream!

BFF TIME

This past week was AWESOME !  Sharon was here and we had a ball doing NOTHING !  We sat, we talked, we went out to eat, we talked, we swam in the pool, (once the rain stopped), and we talked.
IT WAS GREAT !!  (By the way, if anyone needs rain just call me and I will book my BFF to come visit you. She is guaranteed to bring rain for at least half the time she is with you!)

The thing about really really good friends is that you just pick up where you left off. Things are so comfortable you can just talk and talk and talk and never run out of things to chat about.  What makes a best friend is the ease of chatter and the lack of judgement.  Husbands have that tendency to try to fix things, as in ME. If he would spend as much time fixing the running toilet tank in the guest bathroom as he tries to correct me I would be a happy person. But since I must sadly say that I did NOT marry my best friend H just doesn't make me as happy as my good friends do.
A good friend knows who you really are and doesn't hold that against you. A good friend listens without offering a solution or advice. A best friend will let you go on and on about something stupid and not tell you that you are being stupid. They just listen without judging or trying to change you. And on those occasions that you are being REALLY stupid they will suggest that perhaps you could look at something differently or approach the problem from a different direction. But no matter what, they are always there for you.

Sharon came down to check on me this week.  She was in the hospital earlier this summer for heart problems, but she came down to check on ME . . .   That's what a good friend does. I think I proved to her that I am doing OK. But considering what a great time I had I think I may fake some mental problems so she will visit me again before too long.

LATE NIGHT NEWS

Each night when I go to bed I say my prayers for the day and then I get thinking about my next blog. I get all sorts of great ideas popping into my head. Unfortunately the lights are out and H is snoring so the opportunity to write anything down just isn't happening. By morning my brain is blank and the blog is the last thing I am thinking about. Until that night when I have "shower epiphanies". I do some of my very best thinking in the shower and when I am half asleep. I have some "soap crayons" that I bought for the grand kids when they take baths here. I am moving them into the shower so I can write my ideas on the walls of the shower for the next day when I have time to write.  But then, with the light of day the ideas would probably seem pretty stupid and I wouldn't write any way.
I have a problem with writing during the day.  H is awake . . .   and it is hard to write when some one is asking a bunch of really STUPID questions like, "what are you doing?". That is my all time favorite.  I am sitting at the computer with a blank page in front of me typing like crazy.  WHAT THE F--- DO YOU THINK I AM DOING ?   I usually reply with some snarky remark like, "I'm baking a cake" or "I'm riding a bike". That only stops the questions for a minute or two.  Then we get into the "What's for lunch" or "Are you going to eat soon?"  which translates into FEED ME !  Sort of like the plant in Little Shop of Horrors.  H has actually told me this evening that I am ALWAYS at the computer. I figure if my choices are staring at FOX NEWS all day or doing something on the computer my Mac will always win !  He just doesn't get it.
From what I hear my youngest son is just like his father.  JUST DOESN'T GET IT !  "Get What?" you may ask.   IT !    Get that wife has not been put on this earth just to be at your beck and call. Wife is a thinking, (that is not a good thing in H's mind"), breathing being who has things that SHE wants and needs to do.  Our lives are not devoted to just making you happy. HELL NO !  And when was the last time YOU did anything to try to make us happy.  Things like take out the garbage, empty or fill the dish washer, make the bed, walk the dog, cook dinner and on and on it goes.  Nope, they just don't get it!
I am supposed to be calmer these days thanks to my new out look on life, Serenity Prayer and all but sometimes I just want to forget the prayer asking God for serenity, courage and wisdom and just ask for a BIG FREAKING BASE BALL BAT to smash the living shit out of this man.

So how did I get here from having shower epiphanies to wanting to beat H to pieces? This is just the natural order of thought when I allow my fingers and brain to run free and think and write what ever comes to mind.

I guess I should have taken a shower before I started typing.

MORE ADVENTURES WITH CHEMO BRAIN

I started this blog over a month ago.  As you can see, things are just the same now !

I am sitting here in the waiting room of the cancer doc's building waiting for Ger to have is tri-monthly CT/PET scan.  The man is a mess!  He can not keep dates or times straight in his head and insists on arguing with me when he asks for the date or time of some appointment.  Today's test was at 9:30 AM.  it took about 12 times of asking for the date and time before I thought he had it. WRONG!  At 7:30 this morning G was jumping out of bed. I quietly told him he had another hour to sleep but he insisted he had to get up together ready to go for the CT scan.  Perhaps I should have let him get up an hour early because maybe then he would have gotten his shirt on right side out. I just looked at him as he was going in for the test and realized the shirt is inside out. Never mind the fact that it is the shirt that he slept in.

CHEMO BRAIN       OR     JUST GER       ?          It is hard to tell the difference these days !  I'm not saying H was ever the sharpest pencil in the box but he really is unbelievable these days.

Take tonight for example.  H has asked me several times if I changed the bulb in the light on his side of the bed.   I have told him I have not.     The lamp has a 3 way bulb.  2 of the settings have blown out but the bulb will eventually light if you just keep turning the switch.  Because H turns the switch twice after he turns the light off it now lights as soon a he goes to turn it back on.  So he thinks I fixed it. Tonight he asked me AGAIN if I had changed the bulb. When I told him NO for the fortieth time he decided the cleaning girls must have changed it. (Since they come in the day time and have no reason to turn the light on, thus no way of knowing the lamp doesn't work. Why would they change the bulb? AND more to the point, where would they have gotten a 3 way bulb?  I don't think they carry one around in their cleaning supplies and I know they didn't ask me for one.)

He is also not the brightest bulb in the box!

ANGER EATING

I know why I eat as much as I do. Every time I take a bite it is like smashing H in the head with a frying pan.  The man is driving me nuts once again and I want to find my fluffy pink cloud where nothing he did or said bothered me.
The fluffy pink cloud has turned into a massive HUGE storm cloud that is black as night and spitting lightening. I am going to need to do some serious meditating to get back to my "happy place" without eating everything in the house and then some.
H has been pushing my buttons for a while now and the constant contact is wearing thin.  That hour, three times a week, when H goes to physical therapy just isn't doing anything for me. A friend suggested I send him away for a month to a spa where he would be pampered, fed and given exercise. I told them he got that right here so why bother spending money. And besides, he wouldn't want to go alone! That is the bottom line . . . A L O N E is not in H's vocabulary.  He needs to be with me every second of every minute of every hour of every day.  I am going NUTS !
Do you think you have heard this story before?  It is the same old same old that I whine about all the time.  Just haven't found an answer to it yet.
Our challenge of food for H is continuing to plague me. Tonight we were emptying out the fridge in order to make some room for the weekend. I told H yesterday that tonight was going to be "Left over" night. When I had taken all the containers of left overs out of the fridge tonight the Idiot had the nerve to ask me to cook a hot dog for him.  Hot dogs were not on the menu but Mr. Pissy Pants didn't like swordfish, (he at a huge piece on Wednesday and liked it then), he didn't want pasta and meat sauce AGAIN, (had that for dinner last Monday) and he didn't want some home made soup that he loved last Tuesday!  I wanted to feed him rat poison at that point but instead I cooked 2 hot dogs. Do Hot Dogs have an ounce of nutritional value?????  Not that I know of. But at this point he can shove anything down his throat and I don't give a flying F____ !
I think I am more pissed at myself for letting this man bug me so much. And I do DO all these stupid things to keep him needy. What was I thinking !!
Today I was giving serious thought to ASSISTED LIVING.  Am I too young to sell the house and move into some shit hole just so I don't have to cook, clean, shop, make beds and care for this baby I married?

I'M STILL HERE

Just checking in to let you know I am alive and well.  Seems that time is flying and I don't know where to find time to say hello.  I"m doing a lot more things on my own these days and just can't find time to write to all of you.

Ger went for PET scan #5 today.  Don't expect any surprises. It's just part of his maintenance. I think his brain is still in there, although the PET scan won't show any of that empty space.  The man is getting spacier by the day.  Physical therapy has been doing him a lot of good.  He no longer falls over when getting out of the chair and can now sort of walk in a straight line. It had been pretty interesting before, I just never knew where he would end up when he got up out of his chair.
Eating is still an issue with Husband Dear.  He just will not eat anything healthy. So I have resorted to sneaking supplements into his food to try and give him some nutrients. That's not working because they tend to have some fiber to them and he complains that it is like drinking/eating sand. (This is the man who would eat sand if I poured chocolate syrup on it.) Not any more. Now Mr. Picky Pants won't eat anything that contains vitamins or minerals. Hamburgers, french fries and grill cheese are about the most I can get him to ingest. God forbid a piece of fruit enters his world. That is like feeding Ham to a Jewish person.
So I have been spending much of my time back and forth to the health food stores and grocery stores. I have been introduced to Hemp Protein, (Ger won't eat it), Maca powder, (Ger is eating and drinking this because he doesn't know it is there.), and all sorts of interesting vegetables that I never thought would enter my kitchen. Do you know how NASTY kale really is ? Grind it up in a juice with other good stuff and it's not bad. I tried putting some in my salad tonight and thought I had bitten down on a rag soaked in kerosene. Yuck !  The leaves aren't too bad but don't bite the stems. They are NASTY!  Good thing I didn't try putting any of that in Ger's salad.
I''ve taken a few days off from juicing in order to give my stomach and intestines a rest. I am taking out stock in the Scott toilet paper company because I am one of their very best costumers these days.
Between researching recipes for Ger and for Juices I am on the computer half the day.

But I am alive and I will try to get back here a little more often than I have been.
See you soon.

FEELING LIKE RIP VAN WINKLE

I feel like I have fallen asleep and awakened to find my life fast forwarded a bunch of years.  I got a picture today of my little grand daughter Kaelin sitting at her table in her new kindergarten class room. It was MEET AND GREET day at her new school. There she sat, all grown up, looking just like those little people I taught all those millions of years ago. Wasn't Kaelin just born last year? Apparently not! Some how she is five and ready to go to school.

What is happening that time is flashing by so quickly? I know I could sleep my life away but lately I have been up and out earlier and that just seems to be making time go even faster.  It seems like only yesterday I was searching on line to find the Beatles song, "When I'm 64" so I could down load it as my ring tone. Flash forward 4 years and all of a sudden I am 68. I don't think there is a song for that, although I'm sure some of you will come up with some choice selections.

What I'm saying is, time is speeding up.  My years on this earth seemed to drag when I was a child and now I can't keep up with them.  I don't want to take time to watch TV because there isn't enough time. Unless it is to take time to catch up on all those cable shows that I missed while they were on TV. Now with Netflix streaming I have discovered I can catch up on entire seasons in just a matter of hours. Which reminds me, have any of you caught the show, "Orange Is The New Black"?  I had read about it in the paper but never could wrestle the clicker away from H long enough to watch it while it was running in season. Early this week I took some time off and escaped to the bedroom and the computer to see what I could find. Sure enough, there it was, all 13 episodes of season 1.  I have been escaping into the bedroom every chance I got this week and watched the last episode this afternoon. (That's the great thing about retirement and a husband who is glued to Fox News. NO one misses you as long as it isn't meal time.)  So I watched "Orange" and can not wait till 2014 when the next season starts.  NO wonder my life is flashing by, I keep looking forward to next year to watch different shows.

Does anyone know when "Game of Thrones" new season starts?

JUICERS NEED TO COME WITH WARNINGS

HELLOOOOOOOoooooo . . . .   Some where in all the twelve thousand books and recipes for juicing 8 really think it would have been very nice if SOMEONE had taken the time to mention that if you juice beets YOU ARE GOING TO PEE RED !  I thought I had ruptured my spleen or something. Like, maybe a foot note, or a little note in the margin or SOMETHING saying that if you drink fresh beet juice your pee WILL turn red! And not just a mild shade of pink either. We are talking R E D !

My new juicer arrived today and I was excited ! It got here early this morning so breakfast was going to be a big juicy concoction of beets, celery, carrots and apples.  I opened the shipping box and inside was a beautifully gift wrapped package. With a card! HUH? Maybe it's not my juicer. Maybe they shipped me the wrong package. Only one way to find out. Ripping it open while wondering if there was a bride to be somewhere waiting for a gift really didn't make me stop. Sure enough, it was the juicer I had ordered and all the gift card said was, "congratulations".  So I guess somewhere along the way of the ordering I must have checked the box saying this was a gift. O.K. so now I know this is mine I am ready to go. I unpacked the whole thing and I must say it is a work of art. This thing is beautiful! I took it all apart, washed all the pieces and reassembled it with no spare parts left over. Now I am ready to create a fabulous drink. I scrubbed the beets, cut off their tops and bottoms and put hem in "THE CHUTE" . In seconds red juice was splashing out into the pitcher. WOW ! So simple, so fast , I'm on a roll. In went the carrots and apple, a splash of lemon juice and I am ready to feast.

BLAUGH!   It was like drinking dirt . . .  Red dirt, but still dirt.  Maybe I shouldn't have added those green leaves from the beets. But I read somewhere you should do just that.  Maybe it needs more lemon juice?  Maybe it needs fresh ginger? Since I didn't have either of those things I added some club soda which did make it possible to drink but it sure didn't taste like I had hoped.

I think I need to do a little more research and go shopping for a few more ingredients.  I also need to cancel that doctors appointment to check on my bladder and kidneys. It WAS just the beet juice after all.

GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS

I am pretty sure that there is no record of men being beaten to death with pedometers so I plan on being the first. When I am awaiting my trial please have some one call Guiness so they can bet the facts from me and I can be entered into their book.
Maybe I should just go for the record of stupidest wife ever! I mean, I know better than to allow H to try his hand at anything mechanical. Most days I don't even allow him to use the toaster oven, no less a cell phone but now that he is getting physical therapy I thought he might be able to handle a machine as tiny and unassuming as a wrist pedometer. The fact that it is strapped to his wrist gave me some hope that he wouldn't loose it or screw up the settings by sitting on it while in his pocket. Sometimes I can be sooooooooo naive.
It took me two days to undo the damage done by "Mr. I know, I know" when he literally ripped the pedometer from its package. I don't know how he did it but I almost had to send the thing back to the manufacturer to have it reprogrammed. I read the instruction tome about seven times before I finally got the thing back on track. Sure enough it is very simple to use! BUT . . .  It has, pause for a GASP,  4 buttons and that is way beyond the reasoning powers of H. The fact that one of the buttons is for a light has totally added to the confusion. (H's confusion, not mine.) I am beginning to have seizures as a result of the light flashing on and off in the morning as H tries, in vain, to start counting his steps for the day. Meanwhile I am logging miles from running to where ever he has stopped because, "THE DAMN THING ISN'T WORKING" . Do you know how much self control is required to punch a button and not the man?  I know that poor is technologically impaired but this is beyond insane. A chimpanzee could learn to operate this thing easier than H.
And so I shall continue to give daily, hourly instructions while chanting the Serenity Prayer.
I have been told that walking is very good for calming ones nerves. Maybe I can find someone selling a slightly blood spattered pedometer.