TOO MANY CALENDARS

 I am retired !  People used to ask Husband what he was going to do when he retired and Husband's answer was, "What ever I want".  No one ever asked me that question because they knew better.  It would have sent me into a litany of chores and projects that I had been saving up for years.  Unlike Husband I can ALWAYS find something to do. Husband had no buddies that he hung around with and he had no hobbies to keep himself busy. If it wasn't for Fox News that man would have had nothing to do. 

I have heard the saying that God doesn't take us up to Heaven until we have accomplished all that we were put on this Earth to do. Apparently I will still be alive in the year 3047 because at this rate that is how long it will take me to get everything done. For every one task I finish there are at least twelve others that pop up. (Probably because I make such a mess of things.)  But at least everything is written down on my calendarS. (Capital "S" because I have several. This does not mean I am organized it just means I am anal.)

Who ever came up with the idea of LARGE calendars with LARGE empty boxes for each day was a genius. I remember my mom had a little calendar hanging on the wall in the kitchen when I was a kid and there were tiny little notes of hers written next to each day. (I guess this is where I got my love of calendars) Every year the bank or the insurance man would give out little calendars that were meant to sit on your desk or carry in your purse.  My mom would always stick ours on the wall. 

 It is SO much easier to have a big calendar hanging on my kitchen wall so I can see everything at one glance. 

BUT what if I'm in another room ? What if I'm in "Control Central" sitting at my desk top computer and some one calls to schedule an appointment?  I would have to get up and walk into the kitchen to check the calendar. SO I have a desk top calendar book that one of the missions sends me every year. Of course there IS a calendar on my computer that links with the calendar on my phone while it is also linking to the calendar on my iPad but I NEED a paper calendar sitting at my fingertips where I can write down dates and times. If I have to leave the phone "page" on my phone or computer to go to the calendar "page" there is a VERY good possibility that I am going to loose whomever I am talking to on the phone. Better to be safe and write it down on the desk top calendar. Then once I am off the phone I can go into the kitchen to copy the new appointment on the wall calendar and then, and ONLY THEN, I can put the date and time into my phone.  

What you must understand here is that I have been away for the past five months so ALL my doctor appointments have been put off until my return to Florida. I now have an average of two appointments a week for the next couple of weeks. ALL are health related in some way . . . tests, labs, X-rays and actual visits to doctor offices. (Can you imagine what my schedule would look like if I wasn't healthy?). Add to all that nonsense I DO have a life and DO occasionally visit with friends and family so my calendar gets pretty full. I could possibly keep all my appointments straight but we now have to add in THE MAN and all his doctor appointments. This is where it REALLY gets tricky!

The Man does NOT have a life !  Even when we are in Michigan he does not have a life other than doctor appointments.  Any and all visits with his brothers are impromptu with us dropping in at "camp" or them stopping in for a quick hello.  There are no nights of playing cards with the boys or any other such activities. (Understandably because of his limited breathing he is pretty much tied to the oxygen. He is super self-conscious about being in public with an oxygen tank or concentrator so he just stays home.) In Florida his entire life revolves around trips to the Veterans Hospital. (Thank goodness it is only a few minutes away and not an hour like in Michigan.) And now with this dumb ass pandemic our visits TO the hospital are really limited so we have numerous VIDEO calls coming into the house. 

BIG PROBLEM !

Video calls require a computer or smart phone neither of which The Man owns. Want to guess who DOES own both computer and iPhone ???  (That was a silly question because I know you ALL know exactly who has both.). Now because the video calls must come in on my phone line The Man has given the VA my phone number and in the infinite wisdom of any government run establishment the VA had CHANGED his phone number to mine. This has resulted in me getting ALL of the forty two daily phone calls each and every day reminding The Man of his forty two upcoming appointments. (God forbid they could do this all in ONE call. For what ever reason the VA finds it necessary to make separate calls for every single appointment.)

In order to keep all these appointments straight I have come up with a color coded system of marking our appointments on the calendar with high lighter.  Blue high-light is The Man,  Pink is for me. Pretty simple right ?  But wait . . . .  how do we know which appointments we need to physically GO to and what ones are video calls from home ?  GREEN CIRCLES around the video call dates because green is the color of grass and we have grass at home.  (I really think I have totally lost it ! ). But hold on, we're not done yet, there's more.  What about dates that involve both of us ?  The cleaning lady for example . . .  well, those get high-lighted in YELLOW !!!  (Don't even ask why I chose yellow. Just consider that I HATE cleaning bathrooms so that is why we have a cleaning lady. )

My calendar looks like a Christmas tree !!!!  There are blue and pink and yellow lines all over it with big green circles scattered over the entire page.  It is colorful if nothing else.

Now ask me how many calendars does The Man have . . .   If you guessed ZERO you win a new  2021 calendar and a set of multi-colored highlighters because I know you want to start decorating your calendar just like mine. 

ONE LIGHT BULB AT A TIME

 I am back . . .   maybe.  My brain continues to unravel at various points of each day but I think maybe I am starting to regain some of my Florida calm.  Although you may have noticed I have not written anything in a week because I just didn't want to stir the pot of emotions that is boiling over in my brain.

The BIG question of this past week has been, "How can lightbulbs that have not been turned on in over 5 months go bad?"  If we are not using said lightbulbs why are they blowing out at the speed of the pace car at the Indie 500?".  In the past week we have had to replace at least five different bulbs. And of course they are all difficult to reach so it isn't a two second job.  (There is something to be said for the old fashioned table and floor lamps of our generation. These recessed ceiling lights are a bitch to change.)

Moving right along in the petty annoyances I am trying to deal with this week is the "daily" newspaper delivery.   I "restarted" our paper, the left leaning Palm Beach Post, a week ago last Sunday while in the car on the way back down to FL.  I was so proud of myself for being SO proactive !  HA !  In the past NINE (9) days that we have been home we have gotten the paper ONCE !!!!    ONE TIME,    UNO !!!!!!  I now have a lovely morning ritual of waking up, having The Man tell me, "No paper today!", and then me getting to call the Palm Beach Post subscription office.  I have made some very lovely friends over at the newspaper office. Each day I get to talk to someone different and each day they reassure me they will TRY to get us a paper delivered "tomorrow" and each day there once again is NO paper.  We have heard every excuse about as to why we are still not getting our paper and how they are having such issues finding dependable "carriers".  THAT excuse is a bowl of doggie doo doo because our next door neighbor is getting HER paper EVERY SINGLE DAY !!!!!!!    Some where along the line someone has been dropping the ball and we sit in anxious anticipation each day for the possible arrival of a paper. Of course they tell us we can always read the paper "On Line" but it just is NOT the same.  Because we are two old farts we like to sit out on the lanai each morning with a cup of coffee reading our daily paper. The Man gets to tell me about all the idiots who live in our adopted state and I get to do the puzzles. It's a win win if only the paper would get here. 

Next on the list of little annoyances is the daily dose of doctors. With the new pandemic rules many of our doctor visits are virtual. At least that is the way the Veterans Hospital is handling most of their appointments.  So far in the past ten days The Man has had three video calls all of which must be done on my computer or my phone because the dinosaur I live with with still has a flip phone. These calls do NOT go smoothly !  There are at least three "pre calls" to his phone while he tries to give them my phone number or e-mail address.  It actually is quite funny listening to him shouting "M" as in Mary, "S" as in Sam . . .  and so on and yet even then they fail to get it right on the first try. Once the doctor actually connects with us the signal goes out at least ten times so we are talking to no one for most of the call.  Basically it's a disaster.  The Man did have to go into the VA Hospital last week to have lab work done. (Can't do that over the phone.) I dropped him at the door and disappeared while he did his tests.  For some strange reason the VA doesn't get the idea behind valet parking.  Does it make sense to you to drive past the front door of the hospital, drive around the side of the building to have someone park your car for you? The "valet" parking is further away than the regular parking lot. Doesn't make sense to me.  Because The Man really can't walk the distance from the parking to door I have to drive him, drop him off and then return to pick him up.  This "Care Giver" job is exhausting !

But The Man isn't the only one seeing doctors. Because I spent the entire summer in Michigan I missed all my six month checkups.  I made and cancelled several doctor appointments at least three times these past five months so now it is time to actually get my butt in to these necessary visits.  I got to go to my ear doctor AND my dentist today. Both visits are going to cost me a small fortune because I am going to need new hearing aids within the coming year and a cracked tooth is going to need a crown. I see dollar signs flashing in my doctors eyes and tears in my eyes.  

BUT . . . I think I see the tide turning. Tomorrow I am going to sit at our pool with my good friend Theresa.  I am so looking forward to this time of girl talk and female company.  Hopefully it will get me back in a better frame of mind and back to blogging. You know there is ALWAYS something to write about it's just a matter of not wanting to smash the computer when I sit down. 

THE WORST HOMECOMING E V E R

 As I have told you MANY times before . . . .GOD has a sense of humor.  We are put on this earth for nothing more than to amuse the Lord.  Hey . . . He created us so I guess He is entitled to getting a good laugh or ten every so often.  I guess with the way the world is headed these days The Lord needs as much entertainment as possible to off set the stupidity and evil that is on our planet right now. 

I have been praying fervently to God for the past two months that He just let me stay healthy and safe until I could get back to Florida to see my children and the grand kids. God heard my prayers, (He couldn't possibly have missed them because I was praying EVERY minute of EVERY day for two months straight.)   WE managed to dodge the Covid bullet and we had a very uneventful drive from Michigan to Florida.  It was even a pleasant drive ! The motels we stayed in were clean and very comfortable.  We got to stop in Atlanta to see my oldest son and his beautiful family who out did themselves in providing  a delish impromptu breakfast and a bag lunch when we left after our two hour visit.  God Love Kyle and Bridget !  They are awesome !!!!  And my grand daughter Abby even got up at the butt crack of dawn, (9AM is an unGodly hour for a teenager), so she could visit with us and give her grandma some long awaited hugs.  

When we left Atlanta we drove about six hours to Gainsville, FL where we spent the night at a fancy hotel that Kyle gifted to us. Next morning we were on our way for the last leg of our journey home. All was well with the world . . . or so I thought. 

Just after we pulled in my daughter and her two awesome kids came over to help us unpack the car and get settled in.  It was SOOOOOOOOO fantastic to see them.  I usually see them every other day so the past five months have been torture for me. But there they were with lots and lots of hugs and smiles and chatter. I don't think they stopped talking for the entire time they were here.  Keri helped The Man try to figure out the TV so he could watch a football game at 4:00.  The Man had been anticipating this game the entire drive down so when we realized the TV was not working it was a major crisis. 

The fact that the TV was not working was entirely my doing . . .  Over the summer I had decided that I would cancel my cable subscription. One reason was I would be away for 5 months so why pay all that money for something I would not be using and secondly I, in my infinite wisdom, had decided that I could cut my cable bill in half by getting rid of all the extra channels that I was paying for, just get the basic stations that come with my living in this community and then subscribe to HULU for a much cheaper rate to get all the extras that I was paying triple for from Comcast.  But as is usual for my "infinite wisdom" this all did not work as planned and I will probably end up  paying more. But that is to worry about another day.  For the mean time I was just going with the basic cable provided by my community.  NOT !!

WE arrived home only to find that in THEIR INFINITE WISDOM, which is apparently so much wiser than mine . . .   The Cable Company, very sneakily, encripted the basic channel reception so that it is now necessary to go to the cable company store and get a new TV box that will allow you to watch even the most ordinary stations.  It is FREE, no monthly rental fee, but you have to go to get it.  And where is the nearest cable store in these times of Covid 19 ?  Why it is down in West Palm Beach of course.  BUT it WAS open on Sunday so after fighting with the TV and making several calls to the cable company I got in The Man's car, (That we had just gotten out of after 4 days of driving), and drove to WPB where I got to stand on the sidewalk in the hot sun for twenty minutes until it was my turn to be allowed into the store. 

It only took me about ten minutes IN the store so I was back on the road heading home when I decided I better stop at Publix for milk and bread and some much needed beer.  A hundred dollars in groceries later I was back home and ready to get the TV working,  sitThe Man on to the couch with a beer and I could then put food away.  HA  HA   HA  HA  HA  HA  !!!!!

For the life of me I could NOT get the damn TV set up.  Finally The Man stepped in and tried and basically just screwed things up even worse than I had.  I got hm a beer, handed him my phone with the NFL app and got hm watching the game on my phone while I went to get food taken care of. 

Here's where it gets even better . . .  Being The Man we HAD to bring Halibut down to Florida with us.  His son had just visited us in MI and brought 2 coolers of fish and shrimp that he had caught over this summer. We still had fish from LAST summer but that makes no difference,  We HAD to have more. The Man uses the packages of fish as gifts or barter with the neighbors for when they help him out with various things around the farm.) So with five large packages of fish and four containers of shrimp that were all frozen solid we packed them in our thermal bag that we bought last year for this purpose, added blocks of ice and merrily put it all in the trunk of the car. When we got to GA we opened the cooler to give Kyle some fish and at that time it all was still frozen solid. We added new ice blocks that Kyle had made for us, sealed the bag back up and continued on our way.  

Only one problem . . .   the temperature outside continued to rise so the fish was no longer sitting in a trunk that was 40 degrees. By the time we reached home the outside temperature was 85.  And by the time I opened the cooler ALL the fish and shrimp had defrosted !!!  AND was sitting in three inches of stinky fish water. The cooler stunk, the bags of fish and shrimp stunk and MY KITCHEN stunk because all the water dripped all over the floor.  DISGUSTING !!!!!  By this point, after the whole TV debacle I was ready to throw The Man, the fish and the shrimp OUT !!!!!  I don't think I have cursed this much since I broke the big bottle of Jack Daniels Honey whisky last year.  

I spent the next three hours wiping up the floor, cleaning out the fridge, (that was a bonus because I had not expected to be away all summer so had left eggs and other food in the fridge).  I had to throw all that out! I did have a great time tossing a dozen and a half eggs, one by one across the room into the sink. It gave me a great sense of relief to THROW something !!  I did make a mess but at that point I was beyond all reason and just needed to KILL something.  Next I got to cook a mess of fish and shrimp so I could then freeze it and do some laundry to get rid of some of the fish smell off the towels that I used to wipe up the puddles of fish water on the kitchen floor.  It was a lovely way to spend our first day home.  I was in bed and asleep at eight but then up at one to spend four hours going through mail and trying to convince myself today would be better. 

Today it is raining.  

At least it didn't rain while we were unpacking the car yesterday.  I took advantage of a break in the rain today to go out to my car that has been sitting locked up for five months.  It started right up and sounds great. 

Too bad the entire inside of the car . . .  seats, steering wheel, floor, doors and ceiling are covered in a thick coat of green mold.  

I'm SO glad to be home !

REDNECK RUBBERNECK

 Today we left Ohio and drove through Kentucky and Tennessee to get to a motel just outside of Atlanta, GA.  

I am about to be politically incorrect so you can hit the delete button now if you choose to but a trip through these two (3) states was interesting to say the least.  The one great thing about driving down route 75 all the way from Michigan is that except for the two hours from The Man's house to the bridge that links the UP to Mainland Michigan we are driving on a major highway with speed limits of seventy five miles an hour. 

In the words of The Man we are chewing up the highway and spitting it out.  This morning we left the motel at 8:AM and  drove about four hundred and forty miles and it seemed like nothing.  We got to our destination just outside of Atlanta at three o'clock this afternoon and are now chillaxing in our room watching our president on TV.   Life is good.

The drive today was pretty easy with the exception of traffic in Chattanooga, Tennessee.  We drove through Cincinnati, OH at "rush hour" this morning and had no traffic to speak of but when we got to Chattanooga, Tennessee the road was filled with cars and traffic was at a dead stop. We sat in traffic crawling our way forward at about five miles an hour surrounded by pick-up-trucks and mini vans. It was one o'clock in the afternoon. Where did all these people come from ?  Where were they going ?

As we crawled along I noticed that the pick-up-truck next to us had a sticker on his cab window that said "REDNECK" .  My thought was, "Why would you want to advertise that?".  But I guess in this part of the country it is a badge of honor rather than something you might want to keep quiet.  Although I really don't think a true Redneck needs to advertise, it's usually pretty obvious. The gun rack in the back of the cab of the pick-up is usually a dead give-away. 

So we continued to crawl along until we finally got to the reason for the hold up.  A tow truck on the side of the road assisting a broken down car.  No huge accident.  No car fire. No blood and guts. Not even a police car !   Just a tow truck . . .  and traffic was blocked up for miles.  

Can you imagine what would happen if there was something interesting to look at ?  

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

 Don't expect to hear from me for a couple of days . . . unless something outrageous happens. 

We left Michigan today and are driving down to Florida.  We should be there by Sunday and I can not   wait !  I think The Man is just as excited as I am because he really wants to be warm and that forecast of snow for this weekend really lit a fire under him to get out of town.   

Hopefully all will go smoothly.  Today we drove over five hundred miles to get ourselves into Ohio for the night.  A stay at a nice motel and dinner from Taco Bell drive through has us now sitting on the bed ready to crash early so we can get moving again in the morning.  I actually was up before 7:00 AM this morning and we were on the road by 8:00 in time to see a spectacular sunrise.  I have not seen a sunrise in years . . . possibly decades. It was beautiful and a wonderful way to start the day.  The fact that it started to rain about an hour into the drive didn't dampen our spirits nor slow us down.  The Man was in jet plane mode so we made great time driving until just before five o'clock tonight.  

It is getting slightly warmer outside.  This morning it was 37 degrees in Michigan so we didn't hesitate to jump in the car and get moving.  We have managed to get some fifty degree weather here in Ohio but that's not nearly warm enough so we will continue our journey tomorrow with plans to stop just north of Atlanta, GA so we can stop on Saturday morning to visit my oldest child and his family who I have not seen in AGES !!!  That is almost as exciting as the thought of warm weather. 

A PRESSING SUBJECT

 As I have mentioned in the last three hundred blogs . . .    It's COLD up here.  But that's OK because we are out of here in three days and if I am to be completely honest  . . . I am going to miss this place.

I just came back from my daily walk out to the road and, as has been the case these past few weeks, I almost froze my butt off.  (How I can be cold when dressed like Nanook of the North is beyond me but cold is what I am.). Todays walk was the only exercise I have gotten all day and I am ashamed to say I did not make the circle down the road, up the other driveway and around the back past the barn.  It was just too cold to be out there any longer than necessary. (The reality is that it is about fifty-two degrees but the wind is blowing from the north so it feels so much colder.).  I took a couple of small bags of garbage out to the trash bin at the end of the driveway and that was it !  I did take a few moments to put out some corn for the critters but I did not bother digging out sugar beats or cabbage for them. They will just have to make due with last nights left overs that are strewn across the yard.  (Right now the back lawn between the house and the barn looks like a vegetable truck collided with a pumpkin patch. Cabbage and pumpkin pieces are scattered all over the place.)  When I first went left the house I startled "Little Guy", our orphan fawn, who was munching on some of the pumpkin bits.  When he saw me he ran around the barn and into the woods but I'm sure he will return within the hour.  

My walk down the driveway is always entertaining because the scenery changes by the day.  We just had a big rain storm blow through so I had puddles and fallen twigs to step over and around.  Audrey and her twelve thousand relatives died off about a month ago so it isn't as scary a walk but the smells are those of a chilly autumn day.  Wet leaves, fresh air, pine trees and rain all add to the feel of winter approaching. But the most obvious sign that it is late autumn is the carpet of leaves covering the yard and driveway.   My favorite big Maple tree is almost naked but the ground under the tree is ankle deep in colorful leaves. These leaves are blowing my mind this year . . . the colors range from bright red and rust to orange and yellow and are mixed in the most interesting patterns on each individual leaf.  I am having trouble going outside without getting side tracked picking up some of these beautiful leaves. With every leaf that I pick up I see ten more that are even more colorful. 

And what does one do with a truckload of colorful autumn leaves ?  Why you "press" them of course ! Where that activity ever originated is beyond me but I have a shit load of flattened out dry leaves sitting on top of my suitcase.  The question now is do I take them with me to Florida ? Why would I do that ?  What can I do with them ? If I took the time to press them how can I possibly just throw them away ? 

My original thought when I picked up the first leaf was to bring it home to the grand kids in Florida who haven't seen Autumn leaves in years. In fact, now that I think about it the four youngest grand kids may NEVER have seen Autumn leaves.  They were either born in Florida or moved there when they were very young. So I guess with that thought in mind I just HAVE to bring the leaves home with me.  Maybe I'll get some wax paper and seal them between sheets of wax paper with a warm iron.  (I used to do this with my kindergarten classes but it's been years since then.). I would imagine that my grand kids not only have never seen Autumn leaves but they also have never seen wax paper.  

And so with the decision made to bring dried leaves home with me I am now faced with the next question. 

HOW do I transport a bunch of dry leaves without ending up with a bag full of "crumbs" ?  

I'll keep you posted on that . . .  

LET IT GO !!!

 Some people, who shall remain nameless, just can't let go of "power".  A parent doesn't always get it right when raising a child but once that child is grown you have GOT to let them be adults without you monitoring their every move.  

Some people just can't do this . . .  they feel that because they are the parent, no matter how old that child is, the parent should still tell their child what to do and when.  

When I was in college studying to be an elementary school teacher one of the very few things that I got out of four years of elementary education classes was . . .  ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS stress the positive !  If you have a child who can't read you find what they can do well and focus on building them up with praise about their accomplishments rather than beating them down over what they can NOT do. It's basic stuff and it works like a charm !  (I did try to remember this when I was raising my own children but I may have failed miserably when they were young so I try to make up for it now.) 

On the flip side of this you have people who have spent their lives in the military and are used to giving orders . . .  no discussion, just demands and orders.  I pity the children of people like this.  

To get a bit more specific, The Man has two children. The first born is a boy and basically is "The Golden Child".  The son has managed to grow into a very nice and capable man who is doing an excellent job of raising his two girls.  He is successful, owns a home but has been "divorced" twice. (The second relationship was long standing but not an official marriage.) In the eyes of The Man his son can do no wrong and The Man says nothing when he disagrees with the son's actions.  (ie.  the second woman who is now gone.  We all knew she was a looser but the boy kept her around for five or more years until he figured out he did not want her in his life. )

The Man has a second child, a daughter, who can do NOTHING right.  She apparently was a beautiful child but got involved in drugs and has spent quite a bit of time in jail.  She has little or nothing to do with her brother, has two daughters of her own by two different fathers and has a very rocky relationship with her dad.  He doesn't trust her at all and is always looking at the negative aspect of her, not encouraging her to do better. I think she is trying to get her act together, The Man has no faith that this will ever happen.

Being here with The Man I see both sides of this relationship and my heart breaks for both father and daughter. BUT . . .   I am keeping my mouth shut and keeping my thoughts to myself . . .  except to share with you.  I do keep trying to get The Man to let go of the material "stuff" that he seems to care so much about.  I remind him every so often that furniture, Christmas ornaments, pots and pans are just things that are not important to anyone but he insists that they must be "treasured" by his family. If only he could let go of this idea he would be so much more at peace. 

His daughter was here today to pick up some of her things that she had stored here while she was "away". The Man hung out the window watching her like a hawk as she loaded things from the garage into her truck.  You would think that at this point of his life he would be glad to get rid of as much as possible but he is so concerned that she will take something that she shouldn't.  As I have mentioned before the garage is stuffed with CRAP . . .  pots, pans, dishes, and such. I feel if The Girl wants to take some of the shit let her go for it.  The Man feels that she will just leave it someplace when she moves and it will be lost forever.  We are NOT talking about family heirlooms or antiques . . . we are talking about yard sale junk that needs to go.  

I have a cousin who thinks that EVERYTHING she owns is worth millions and I have been told over and over again that when she dies I need to make sure everything is sold for its maximum value.  My thinking is she is going to be gone so who the hell cares where it goes. MY feeling is that you donate stuff to St. Vincent de Paul and they will sell it to someone who WANTS it and the charity will make money to help someone else in need.  Isn't that a good thing?  But the mentality of the "can't let it go" crowd is that this stuff is worth something and must be kept forever. 

What's that old saying about "The one with the most toys when they die" . . . I figure I'm going to be DEAD so what the hell will I care about where my crap goes.  

GET OVER IT PEOPLE . . .  IT'S ONLY STUFF !!!!!  

I have always wanted to "fix" the world and help everyone solve their problems but I have managed to learn to shut up and just pray a LOT for the people I care about.  It's taken me a long time and I do hope I'm getting better at it each day.  As for The Man and his daughter . . .  I have no idea where they will end up but it sure is sad to watch.

CRANK UP THE HEAT !!!!!!

 How long have I been complaining about The Man wanting it to be too hot in the house ????  . . .            A  LONG time . . .  and now it is coming back to bite me in the butt. 

It is fifty five degrees out side today and it might as well be fifty five degrees BELOW ZERO for the way I am freezing.  When I got up this morning I went out and sat in the Parlor in the maroon recliner which was bathed in warm sunshine just inside the sliding glass door.  It was lovely!  The sun was so bright I had to turn the chair around so the sun was on my back and not shining right into my eyes.  It was so warm I felt like the Cheshire Cat sitting in the sun on the window sill.  But this is Michigan and at this time of the year nothing that warm lasts for more than an hour. Sure enough within a couple of hours the sun had disappeared behind a solid sky of clouds and the temperature never got more than two degrees higher than it was at 8:30 AM when I got up. The Cheshire Cat went from purring to growling and I haven't been able to warm up again for the rest of the day. 

My daily walk out to the mail box this afternoon was done in record time thanks to the fact that I thought I was going to freeze to death. The Man wanted to know if I had driven the car out to the mail box because I was back so quickly.  Amazing how a little cold air can motivate me to move very quickly !

How is it possible for me, the woman who is always too warm, to be SO cold ?  It is most definitely time to make that drive south to Florida so I can complain about how hot it is. 

I realize that the folks living in Canada and Alaska are probably out in shorts and tee shirts on a day like this.  Fifty-five is down right balmy to them but to this Florida gal it is the middle of winter at the North Pole.  Even with a hat, gloves, wool socks, sweat shirt AND winter coat I was still frozen just walking out to get the mail.  How do these people live here ALL winter long ? This is only the prelude to things to come. If I were living up here full time I would have the gun out and loaded because there is no way I could survive this frozen wilderness for the next five freezing months.  

But the end is in sight and the suitcases are out and the car is slowly filling up in anticipation of escaping here.  WE were were planning on leaving here in six days but then last night The Man was watching the news and saw that the weather man was saying the dreaded word . . .S N O W . . .   Yup, there is a good chance that it is going to snow on Friday so our departure date has been moved up by a day to try to escape the white stuff. You won't find me arguing that decision.  If it wasn't for the fact that we have to wait for oxygen tanks to be delivered for our trip we would be out of here tomorrow.  

Well, actually that's not true because The Man is totally unable to pull himself together in less than five days.  Have we not known for the past five months that we would be leaving here come October?  Has MY suitcase never been put away or fully unpacked just in case I had an opportunity to get out of here sooner?  Do I need to take a week to pull together a couple of changes of clothes for the trip south ? For a man who spent his entire life in the military I would think he could be ready to go at a moments notice but I guess the reduction in oxygen has slowed hm down to the speed of a turtle on Prozac. 

I am doing all I can to remain calm, WARM and collected. (You can keep the cool part.) I was awake the other night at 3:30 AM in full blown panic mode. The thoughts of getting sick and not making it back to my family in Florida had me cleaning closets and drawers and packing my suitcase in the wee hours of the morning.  I finally calmed myself down after a long chat with God and managed to get another couple of hours sleep before starting another day while continuing the count down to getting out of here.   

With any luck I won't freeze to death in the next couple of days and soon my blogs will be written from the sunny state of Florida.  Something for all of us to look forward to. 

BURGER AND MISS KITTY

MISS KITTY came for a visit today and she and I ended up sitting on the back steps for about a half hour. At first she was content rubbing up and down on my hand but when she saw I was in for the long haul she climbed up into my lap and fell sound asleep snuggled up in my arms.  

It's COLD today, by Florida standards, and my back, wrist, shoulder and other arthritic joints are all SCREAMING for me to get back to the hot sunshine of home. Only one more week and we will be in the car and half way "home" and it can't come soon enough. But along with leaving the cold and basking in the hot Florida sun comes the bittersweet parting of all my friends here in Michigan.  I won't  miss the family because they will all visit at some point over the winter months. (They would have to be crazy NOT TO! ) But I will miss all my "critters".  

Miss Kitty has been visiting us for four years from the time she was a small kitten.  We never knew where she came from but she surely came from someone who loved her because she is very friendly and LOVES being petted.  When she first appeared The Man would feed her bread and bologna so she knew this was a good place to visit.  The Man got so used to her being around he started buying cat food for her and it was a nightly ritual for her to show up for dinner.  She was NEVER allowed in to the house and when we left town in November she was on her own.  Each Spring when we returned to MI she would magically show up and our friendship would resume.  (One of the neighbors took her in that first winter and then had her "fixed" so there were no more surprise batches of kittens.)  Miss Kitty remains tiny and she still loves to come over for a good "scritch".   Today after her nap in my lap she and I took a long walk out to the road and around the property checking out everything. She follows me like a puppy and "talks" to me the whole time.  It is so comical that one of the neighbors stopped to comment on me and my cat walking down the road.  

Besides Miss Kitty we will be saying good-bye to "Burger and The Boys" and "Little Fawn".  These are just part of the nightly crowd that shows up for dinner out by the barn. Little Fawn appeared about three weeks ago out of no where. He is quite small compared to the other fawns born this season and his mother is no where to be seen which is pretty unusual.  We think that he was born late in the season and his mother must have died soon after, leaving him on his own.  He, like Miss Kitty, discovered that this is a safe place to come to eat so he shows up all hours of the day looking for corn and sugar beats.  He is adorable and all the neighbors are looking  out for him.  

The rest of the crowd all show up in the early evening filling their bellies and fighting over who is the boss.  One of the gang of young bucks that visits each night has a really weird set of horns.  On one side of his head he has a full set of horns with five "points" on them.  (Apparently the more points a deer has the more the hunters want to kill him. )

BRACE YOURSELF

NO I am not going to reveal the secret of the universe or the location of the Holy Grail.  I'm just going to do what I usually do . . . .  Babble nonsense  !!!

Because WE are on the count down to leaving this frozen forest farm I started looking through all the crap I have accumulated up here. ( And I dare to write about The Man and all his crap ?).  Over the past 4 years I have managed to settle in quite comfortably to the country living scene, thanks to Amazon and their two day delivery. (That is 2 days for normal people, it usually takes a week to get stuff up here but that only helps to slow me down when I'm in a shopping mood.  Boy do I miss Beals outlet and Ross. ) My theory is to have an entire wardrobe here so I don't have to pack a suitcase when I travel back and forth.  The hole in that theory is that I now drive back and forth with The Man rather than flying so it really doesn't matter what I am carrying with me.  But I still think it is a good plan to have a whole set of clothes here. Unfortunately because of where we are on the map summer weather only exists for about two weeks so I need to have a wardrobe ranging from arctic snow shoes to Bahamas swim wear and everything in between.  My tiny closet in the bedroom is filled with winter coats, sweat shirts, jeans and sleeveless tops.  It is a very eclectic mix. I have winter boots and two pairs of sandals sitting on the floor next to my sneakers and wool socks. 

I also have a dresser where I can keep my shorts and sweat pants, tank tops and long sleeve tee shirts.  But my favorite drawer of all is the top drawer.  In this space I keep my miscellaneous items.  It's sort of the junk drawer of the bedroom. In this drawer I stash my extra pair of sun glasses, my bathing suit and my various assorted braces.  Yup, I have a collection of body braces the likes of which CVS has never seen. 

It seems that as I am aging my body is unable to hold itself together without some outside help. ( I think that at this rate I will need scaffolding in about two years. But for now I just have a collection of body braces. ) 

I have always had a back brace for those occasions when I do something stupid and need to support those lazy weak back muscles. But this is getting ridiculous !    

I opened the "Bedroom Junk Drawer, (BJD),  today to take inventory of what I need to pack and what I will leave behind.  Here's what I found . . . THREE (3) wrist braces, a back brace, a knee brace, a foot brace and a Partridge in a Pear Tree.  No . . .   Just kidding about the knee brace, I mean, the Partridge.  No birds in the BJD but I did find a candy bar that I had stuffed in there a month or so ago.  (The candy bar is to brace my soul when I am yearning to leave here to return to my family.) Amazing what I have managed to accumulate over a period of five months.  

All these things were purchased up here and they will all remain up here when we make the move back to Florida. Hopefully my body will hold together for the four day drive until I can get to warm weather and my chiropractor. That coupled with a long over due massage should take care of my need for braces of all kinds.  Which is a very good thing because I plan on having my shoulder replaced ASAP after my return south.  The shoulder has been aching for months and is long overdue for replacement. It continues to get worse because so far I have not found a shoulder brace to help support that particular body part.  

FANNY FATIGUE

 I just want to sit in a comfortable chair ! Is that so much to ask ?? I mean, even the Queen of England has a throne to sit on. Right about now I would sell my first born for a comfortable chair.

I am still puzzled by people who can sit ALL DAY on a hard kitchen chair.  I just don't get it.  I realize the kitchen is the central room in many peoples homes but if this is the case in your house would you PLEASE do your guests a favor and go out and invest in comfortable chairs to sit on !!

My homes NEVER used the kitchen as the "Go To" place to gather and chat.  I grew up in a tiny little house in NYC that had a VERY tiny kitchen.  It was large enough for a small table with two chairs. My dad and I would sit at the table for breakfast while my mom puttered around us. For dinner we ate in the small dining room that was just large enough for a table with four chairs around it.  Good thing I was an only child because the fourth chair was occupied by my old German grandfather.  There just wasn't enough room for more than that. If someone came to our home for a visit we sat in the living room. There was a couch and two very comfortable chairs in that room so it invited guests to sit in comfort while they were visiting. My kids grew up in a home with a larger kitchen than I had as a kid but the kitchen was used for breakfast, lunch and homework. I still remember the "L" shaped booth that wrapped around the kitchen table.  It was bright yellow and super comfy to sit on.  When people came to visit we sat in the "den" or at the dining room table on large padded chairs. We did NOT visit in the kitchen.  Same went for my Florida homes.  The kitchens in these two homes is open so I can be working in the kitchen and still visiting with guests who are seated on sofas and chairs.  

It is TORTURE for me here in Michigan sitting around a tiny, cold metal table on hard metal chairs.  There is NOTHING warm and inviting about this and I find it so very uncomfortable. 

As I have mentioned before The Man's son is here visiting for 2 weeks so our days are being spent sitting around this nasty little table on the nasty hard chairs.  I realize I have excessive amounts of natural padding in the area of my derriere but no amount of natural cushioning is going to off set the discomfort of these chairs.  When I sit on these chairs for more than the length of a normal meal my back begins to ache, my shoulders droop and my butt hurts.  I don 't know how the rest of the population who visit here can spend endless hours sitting at this table in this room but for me I have had enough.  (I actually do have a theory on how these people endure the endless hours of sitting in the kitchen . . . it involves MASSIVE amounts of beer.  I don't think a college frat house consumes the amount of beer that these folks do.)

So besides being freezing cold and so very very tired of life in Michigan I also have to endure cold, hard chairs.  That is just cruel and inhuman !  Even the deer in the field have more comfortable places to rest. 

I am sure The Man's son and his friend think I am anti social but after an hour I just have to move to softer seats. My normal escape would be to the wonderful parlor room but that has been turned into the guest bed room and besides The Man refuses to put the heat on out there so it is about twenty below zero. Our house guests do not seem to mind this in the least because they come from Alaska so to them the room is like a sauna.  Meanwhile I am hunkered down on the bed trying to get warm while typing with my computer in my lap.  Normally the house would be cranking heat because The Man hates to be cold but for some reason he is keeping the heat at a dull roar for his son's sake.  

I am never happy am I ?  First I complain that the house is too warm and now I complain that I'm cold.  Go figure! My changing body temperature may have something to do with the exposure to all the germs that the endless stream of people arriving here are bringing with them. Normally The Man is telling me how careful we have to be about being around other people but for the past week it has not occurred to him that all sorts of "strangers" are stopping in to visit with the prodigal son.  Another reason for me to hunker down in the bed room and be a hermit. 

I'm counting the days until we get in the car and make the four day drive back to MY HOME in Florida. If I don't have fanny fatigue now I bet I will after that trip.  But at least I will be WARM !!!!!

WHO YOU CALLIN' "WE"

As a kid growing up in the late forties, early fifties I used to listen to "THE  LONE  RANGER" on the radio and then a few years later I would watch it on the TV.  The Lone Ranger was our Superman who always fought for the little guy.  He and his side kick Tonto, (who was a Native American, ie. Indian), rode around the Wild West getting rid of bad guys and restoring law and order to the land.  Every show ended with him riding off into the sunset yelling, "Heigh Ho Sliver".  Silver was his horse.  

(Dave Barry did a column on this phrase which caused many to write to him about their interpretation of  of this phrase . . .  did the Lone Ranger say, "Heigh HO Silver", or did he say "Heigh YO Silver"?  Dave Barry and I agree that it was "HO" not "YO" but I do think the jury is still out. )

Anyway . . .   Around the time that the Lone Ranger and Tonto rode across the air waves and TV screens of America I remember there was a joke about them that I thought was hilarious at the time and I still remember it to this day.  It went something like this:

            One day the Lone Ranger and Tonto found themselves surrounded by wild, savage Indians who were intent on killing the two of them.  The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Well Tonto, what should we do?" To which Tonto replied, "Who you calling 'WE' white man?" 

I can not tell you why I found/find this so funny but to this day when ever The Man says to me "WE need to do something I chuckle to myself and ALWAYS want to say in reply, "Who you calling' 'WE'  white man?" Some times I actually do say it and am rewarded with a puzzled look that questions my sanity.

But in reality it is a very appropriate response because "WE" NEVER EVER means the two of us.  It ALWAYS means Me !

The most recent example of this was yesterday when The Man and I had a discussion about what WE were going to do with our dirty laundry.  WE have a washer and dryer here at the Michigan house but these two appliances are about a Zillion years old and have been on their last leg for the past four years that I have been coming up here.  When the washer goes into spin cycle it sounds like a jet plane taking off or a NY subway train rattling through a tunnel.  I have questioned it for four years and have been told that it, "ALWAYS sounds like that". The dryer must have a loose belt because when it spins it sounds like a barn full of squealing pigs at dinner time. I have learned to accept the sounds and I have managed to keep my laundry down to two loads a week.  (At home in FL  I usually run a load of wash every couple of days. I LIKE CLEAN CLOTHES!)  The Michigan washer and dryer drive me nuts but I live with it and we manage.  

UNTIL . . . The Man's son arrived last week and he did a wash the other day. He was so horrified by the awful noises that The Man decided WE can NOT use these appliances any more until we purchase new ones.  (I would have done this four years ago but my opinion apparently does not count.) The Man's son went into town to the two appliance stores and guess what ? No one has any appliances because due to the virus all the plants have been shut down and production of new appliances has been at a stand still.  There is a year wait for what we are looking for. (WE need stackable washer & dryer and there just aren't any to be had.). WE could pay a small fortune for the appliances we found on line but The Man has decided to wait until Spring when there will be more to choose from and maybe even some sales. 

All this now leaves us with two options, well, actually three options.  

1. Don't wash any clothes for the next two weeks until we leave for Florida.

2. Take the dirty clothes out to the pond and wash them in the mucky water.

3. WE can haul all the dirty clothes and sheets and towels into town and spend three hours at the local              laundromat feeding an average of ten dollars in quarters into the nasty machines.

I'll give you three seconds to figure out which one WE are doing.  (Over the past five months WE have done ALL the grocery shopping, filling the car with gas, post office runs and every other thing that needs to be done.) 

Last week "WE" got to haul ass into town while The Man sat at home visiting with his son.  To be very honest WE love going out on "our" own for a couple of hours but I really have to chuckle that WE make these decisions and WE get to carry them out..  Today WE got to go into town again and do another two huge loads at the local "shelter for the homeless"/ laundromat. The place DOES have a TV but I have no idea who sets the station that is on and if it can be changed. I just roll with it.  Last week was Judge Judy and Dr. Phil, this week it was Fox News.  There are some ratty old magazines on the window sills that are probably from 1972 but I haven't wanted to pick them up for fear of disturbing the dust covered dead flies. 

There are many washers and dryers of various sizes but I wonder just how clean my clothes are getting when from the looks of the machines no one has cleaned them since they were installed fifty years ago. The hard plastic molded chairs are ice cold to sit on since the laundromat does advertise it has air-conditioning but fails to mention that it does NOT have heat. Today when I left the house with my load of wash it was 39 degrees outside with snow showers.  I guess the laundromat owners figure that the dryers will keep the place warm but since I was the only person in there that wasn't happening.  

Being alone in the laundromat is preferable to sharing the space with the likes of the woman I met last week.  Not saying she wasn't "pleasant" but by the time my clothes were dry I knew her entire life history, including the part about her living with a drunk for two years. To quote her, "Good thing I didn't marry the Bastard !"  Se also told me about the local woman who married the Black man and then divorced him so now he spends his days walking around the streets selling drugs.  (I have never seen anyone in this town who wasn't a Lilly White Scandinavian who says "EH?" after every sentence. ) 

So, WE are really looking forward to getting out of here and heading south to be with MY people. WE need to be in the company of friends and family so that when someone says, "Why don't WE do something?" I know they mean them AND me.