GUATEMALAN NINJA

It seems my identity is slowly evolving the longer I remain in Michigan.  When I lived in New York I was  identifiable as wife, mother, Girl Scout leader and all around typical housewife . . .
 aka.  alcoholic lunatic.  When I moved to Florida I evolved into Palm Beach retiree complete with wearing makeup almost all the time and changing my wardrobe from brown and black to colorful tropical items and switching from sneakers to sandals.

But Toto is no longer in Kansas and I am no longer in Florida so I must evolve once more.

Out of necessity I have not only had to evolve my wardrobe but also my behavior. I have gone from Palm Beach debutante, (ha!) to Guatemalan Ninja.  All in the course of three weeks. And the reason for this drastic change ?    You guessed it !!   . . .   The Man.

These days I get up in the morning and put on my cut off jeans and a ratty tank top and head outside for a day of landscaping. I have a new found appreciation for the amazing lawn care workers all around the world, but especially in Florida where they are working three hundred hours a day in temperatures exceeding two hundred degrees. Not to mention the days when the pop-up thunderstorms catch these workers holding a metal rake while standing in the middle of a golf course. They are true heroes.  

 Lawn care in Michigan is a bit different because the temperatures aren't that high but I am still feeling the burn. I have been "gardening", weeding, raking, weed whacking, trimming and sweeping. I must admit the weather has been perfect for all of the above and in spite of the muscle burn I am almost enjoying the physical labor. The Man is delighted to have his very own personal honorary Guatemalan to assist in all this.  What he does not know is that when he isn't looking I turn into a Ninja.

The house and property here belong to The Man.  I respect that and try very hard not to trespass on his "stuff".  He likes what he likes and I get that BUT there are just times when things NEED to be done differently than he is used to and that requires the stealth and cunning of The Ninja.

I actually began my Ninja training in Florida during the winter when The Man is staying with me.  It began with the temperature of the house.  Man likes it hot,  I like it cold.  Man refuses to put ON any more clothes in order to stay warm while I can not take OFF any more clothes in order to stay cool. (And don't think it is just a ploy to get me naked because THAT is not a good thing, believe me !)
So each day I have the thermostat set to 78 degrees during the day so The Man will not be cold. I can live with that unless I am cleaning or cooking and then I have to turn the AC lower but it has to be done when he is not looking. Fast forward to Michigan where it is usually pretty cool in the house. I am in Heaven but you know who is cold. It being his house he is in charge of the thermostat, except when he isn't looking. It can be 85 degrees outside and The Man is turning on the heat because the house is "cold".  A simple fix would be to just open the windows and let the warm air in OR,  even more radical, GO OUTSIDE !! Because neither of these is going to happen the ninja lies in wait for The Man to go to the bathroom or become otherwise occupied so I can run into the bedrooms and parlor to open windows. With luck there won't be a breeze to give me away. Eventually he realizes the windows are open and will go around closing them before bed. This diversion is my opportunity to turn down the thermostat. At night I wait until he is in the shower then sneak around opening windows in the bedroom just enough to allow air to circulate while we're sleeping so I don't melt. There are no ceiling fans here so I depend on the nice evening breeze.

Ninja-ing continues into the other parts of the house too.  Throwing out small amounts of crap that have accumulated in dishes and trays on different pieces of furniture all over the house. Some people have A (ONE) junk drawer.  Here there are junk drawers, trays, containers and closets. I am managing to very slowly eliminate stuff that has sat for years and never once been used. So far I have succeeded in my quest but it's only a matter of time until I get caught.

At that time I will plead insanity  . . .