No matter what game you are playing there are always rules. There are rules in life like, "Don't Do Drugs", "Don't Drink and Drive", "Never tell a Lie". These rules help us to live a good life and stay safe.
Living with The Man also has its rules. I have learned these rules over the few years that we have been together and I live with them because basically I don't want to point out just how stupid they are. There are certain rules that are BIG and there are some rules that are small but no matter their size they should all be obeyed. (The Man has yet to realize that I am going to do what ever the hell I want no matter what "rule" he has about something. I always listen and pretend I am in total agreement. Then when he's not looking I do what ever I planned on doing in the first place.)
There are really only 2 BIG rules in The Man's world here at the farm. The first involves the septic tank. Out here in the country we do not have sewers like the rest of the civilized world. Up here we have a septic tank and because it is a "container" it can get full. When that happens it gets expensive and nasty to have the "honey truck" man come to dig up the septic tank and empty it with his big sucker upper truck. (Ewwwwww !). Because of this nasty and expensive job The Man tries to keep the flow of water in the house to a bare minimum.
Rule #1 is to NEVER EVER let the water just run in the sink. We always use paper plates just so we don't have too many dishes to wash. (I now have the ability to wash all the dishes from an entire twelve course meal for 32 people in less than a cup of water. Well, not really but you get the idea. Good thing I have camping experience where I learned how to conserve water when washing dishes). When I shower I must do so quickly and efficiently so as to not let the water run for hours. And always be sure not to flush too often! ( It is different from my dishwasher, three shower a day Florida life but I get it).
Rule #2 also involves the septic tank . . . DO NOT drive over the septic tank which is out in the yard about twenty feet from the side door. You would think that would be easy except that The Man parks his car right outside the side door so he can switch over his oxygen from the car to the house with a minimum of trouble. When you go out to the car and want to leave the house you have to back up because going forward brings you too close to where the septic tank is. I have only broken this rule twice. The first time was because I didn't know about the septic tank. I was told (OMG) "DON'T DRIVE THERE !" OK, makes sense to me until a few weeks later the I was in the car with The Man and HE drove FORWARD. HUM ??? I didn't say anything but after he did it again a few days later I figured maybe if I drove in the EXACT same spot that he did it would be OK. Apparently not ! When I tried doing that I was again told, (OMG), "DON'T DRIVE THERE!" This time I had to say something to question the fact that he had driven that way so what was the problem. I never did get a sensible answer to that question but he never went that way again.
So now you know the two cardinal rules of The Farm. There are many other silly secondary rules but the dumbest one of all is, "Don't put the trash in the trash can". This rule hurts my brain. I have tried over and over to puzzle this out but so far I just can't get a handle on the rational behind it. We have trash pick-up twice a month. The second Wednesday and the last Wednesday. Most months it works out that the trash is picked up every two weeks. The LARGE trash can, that is provided by the trash company, sits out by the road. It is so large that it could probably hold a Volkswagen or at least one of those little "Smart Cars". It is not a dumpster but it is big. My point is that it can hold a LOT of garbage. There are only 2 of us living in this house so we really don't have that much trash. (Although we do use a lot of paper plates. See paragraph 4). For what ever reason The Man insists that we always have a "Burn Bag" hanging from one of the kitchen cabinet doors. When ever something is being thrown away it is to be placed in the burn bag rather than the lovely, metal garbage can that stands next to the stove in the kitchen. When the burn bag is full to overflowing, (about twice a day) it is then taken out to the fire pit in the yard and burned. The bag could contain paper, plastic, soup, vegetable, or human remains . . . no matter . . . it is getting burned. Because we live out here in the country no one cares if you are burning stuff. The wind could be blowing 40 miles an hour but we will be burning trash. I don't want to even think about the plastic milk jugs or aluminum foil that is getting burned. This is just what The Man does.
So why then do we have trash service ??? I don't know the answer to that one. Every other Tuesday evening I go around the house and yard collecting things to put in the trash can out by the road just so the garbage men feel needed. I will also take plastic things out of the burn bag and hide them until I can walk out to the road un noticed by you know who. It doesn't make any sense to me at all but hey . . .
That's the rule.
No comments:
Post a Comment