MY ROBO VAC IS MALE

 If you have ever tried to learn a foreign language you have encountered the bizar phenomenon of objects being male or female.   WHY ?????   

When I went to high school I had to spend 2 years learning a language.  For whatever reason I decided it would be brilliant to take LATIN . . . after all it is the basis for most languages. I would learn so much that would help me with all my other subjects, especially ENGLISH which I was baffled by.  Pronouns, adjectives, semi-colons. Bah Humbug on all of it.  And so I entered my freshman year taking Latin.  It did NOT go well.  I spent 2 years sinking deeper and deeper into failure.  WHO'S BRILLIANT IDEA WAS THIS ?????? And so when I failed the Latin Regents with a 64 (65 was passing) I found myself having to make another attempt at a foreign language in order to graduate with an Academic diploma.  French was my next foray into the land of languages.  (I managed to pass that with a 72.  The God's and teachers just wanted to get rid of me so they were merciful.)

The one thing that I found with most foreign languages is that they assign a "sex" to all objects.  In French every object was either Le, male or LA, female. The door was female . . . LA porte, the refrigerator was male, making it LE.   The shoe was female LA and the hammer is male LE.  (At least that one makes sense).

WHY ?  I do not understand why objects need to have a sex.   UNTIL the other day when I sent my robo vac off and running through my home.  I have named my vacuum Schlurpy. I only turn it on when The Man is not home. Schlurpy loves to suck up The Man's oxygen tubing that is all over the house.  It also like to suck up phone charger cords and it loves to chase The Man around the house. Thus it only gets turned on when he is not home. 

I never thought of Schlurpy as having a gender.  It is just a neutral entity named Schlurpy. But now I know it's true identity   IT IS MALE for sure !!!!   This fact came to light when Schlurpy disappeared on me. As is my usual routine the moment The Man leaves the house for his pulmonary rehab sessions I put up the bar stools in the kitchen, pick up on the counter, pick up throw rugs and turn on my little helper.  I love this thing.  It runs around for over an hour and puts itself back to bed in its charger just in time for The Man to come home.  

All was well with the world, I had my Christmas music on while I was cleaning up the house and Schlurpy was doing it's thing. I can usually hear it moving around, it is not silent but it's not noisy either.  As I moved from room to room I realized I couldn't hear the vacuum running.  If it gets hung up somewhere, which it does do occasionally, it will send up a loud beeping alarm.  That way I can find it and rescue it from its dilemma. It has a tendency to get hung up on door sills and corners of rugs. but this time I heard nothing. No beeping, no alarms, NOTHING !  I turned off the music, noting. I went into each room, noting.  I checked the charging port but it wasn't there either.  What the Heck ???????  Schlurpy went missing !!!!! And so the search began. I checked under the beds, in closets, outside . . . It has been known to escape over the door step if the doors are open. It does a lovely job of vacuuming the lanai. Even the dirt.

But schlurpy was no where to be found.  I had looked in all 4 rooms and the 2 bathrooms.  No schlurpy. As I wandered through the house for the third time I realized the door on the guest bathroom was now closed.  I had quickly looked in there earlier in my search but the door was open. Sure enough, I opened the door and there was schlurpy sitting in the middle of the bathroom floor just idling waiting for me to find it.  The silly thing had gone into the bathroom, went behind the door and as it pushed itself along the door it managed to lock itself in. 

It was at that moment I KNEW . . .  Schlurpy was MALE.