Thank you all my dear loved ones for asking that question. " but Cathie, how are you doing ?" Said with love and true concern I really do appreciate your concern for me BUT right about now I want to answer, " How the "F" do you think I'm doing??????" Husband is fading away right before my eyes. He is aging a year each day. He is cranky, (rightfully so), he is angry, (rightfully so), and he is an all around pain in the ass two year old who needs his "mommy" . He is dying of Cancer. He falls down A LOT. His self respect has gone to hell in a hand basket and all semblance of dignity and privacy are long gone. He needs help but, Ger being who he is, will not ask for help and gets quite angry when help is offered. He is like a rabid dog biting at his owner's hand. What is he supposed to do when he finds himself on the floor at 2 AM needing to get to the bathroom. His pride kicks in so he gets angry.
I thought that God had given us this trial to make us stronger and bring us closer together but now I'm not so sure. Is He trying to break us down to our very core where we are stripped of all our stupid faults and are laid open to our true spirit? Frightening thought at what I REALLY am once all the veils and shadows are gone.
Who knows? All I know is I'm doing the best I can, taking care of myself with a class on meditation, coffee with a friend, therapist, massages and lots of laughter with the grand kids. Will I survive this in tact? Of course ! I have lots to live for and if I have survived husband for these past 46 years, what's a little Cancer ?
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