When my kids were growing up there was always the constant argument over who got to "ride shot gun" , , , meaning who would be the lucky kid to get to sit in the FRONT of the car in the passenger seat rather than being squashed in the back seat with their sibling who never managed to stay on their side of the car. The fact that I drove a 9 passenger van with 3 rows of seats did not matter, someone always wanted the front seat. Considering that this is the most frightening seat in the car I can't imagine why anyone wants to sit there. The driver you supposedly is in control of the car. He or she regulates the speed and the direction of the vehicle and with the help of God it is the drivers responsibility to keep all the passengers safe. When you are a passenger in the back seat your view of the road and surrounding traffic isn't as terrifying or clear as that of the people in the front seat. The driver is the one in control but the front seat passenger is the one riding in the DEATH seat. The person riding shot gun is the one who is most likely to get killed should there be an accident and we don't have a single thing to say about it !
Most of my married life I was the passenger most likely to die . . . Husband had an issue with relinquishing the roll of driver. In the early years of our marriage that was fine with me. I liked having a chauffeur. Once we had kids I had no choice because I was the one reaching over the seat handing out drinks and snacks and organizing the guessing games that helped wile away the hours of driving when we were on vacation. That and the fact that Husband couldn't read a map to save his life. This being pre "map Quest" and GPS travel we were dependent on a huge paper map to get us from point A to point B. And so I sat up front and "handled" everything except physically driving the car. By the end of the day I would have a raging headache because even though I wasn't sitting behind the steering wheel I was watching the road for road signs, gas stations, obstacles in the road and other drivers because Husband had trouble focusing so I was always on high alert. Thankfully we weren't ever in an accident and no one ever got killed. All that being said I must say that any time we drove into Manhattan there is no one I would rather have had driving than Husband. The man knew how to handle city traffic! He could out maneuver any city bus or taxi and was a master of weaving in and out of grid lock without running over anyone.
Fast forward to the twenty first century and my meeting the Man from Michigan. This man is an excellent driver. Maybe because he was driving tractors and cars since he was about 8 and then spent years flying a helicopter there is no problem with his focus, sense of direction or knowledge of the mechanics of a car.
UNTIL he comes to Florida. As soon as we cross the Florida state line the man turns into . . .
SNOW BIRD. !!!!
I know I have written about this breed of creature that invades our state each winter but the longer I am with The Man the more he is picking up the characteristics of his fellow seasonal visitors.
Perhaps it's because these visitors are coming from the frozen North they are so distracted by the warm sunshine and the green foliage that they can not see fit to drive faster than ten miles an hour.
Or maybe their brains just haven't thawed out yet. What ever the reason it is driving me NUTS and it isn't even January.
It's the same for anyone driving in their home town. You know the roads, you know which lane will end at the next light. You know the intersections that require a higher degree of focus and you know the quickest route to all your favorite spots. You also know just how much over the speed limit you can push it before you are in danger of getting a ticket. It's your town and when you are out and about on a mission you DO NOT want some grey haired senior citizen from Quebec drifting back and forth across 3 lanes of traffic at a speed that would make a turtle look like a rocket.
But even worse than having to drive behind one of these visitors finding myself in the passenger seat of a Snow Bird is quickly becoming my worst nightmare. The Man insists on driving when we go out together. The fact that I know the roads, know where we are going and just how long it will take us to get there makes no difference. Instead I sit there next to The Man clutching my seat to keep me from screaming and grabbing the wheel. We leave our community driving at a whopping seven miles an hour. The speed limit in here is 25 . . . we don't even come close to going that fast. The squirrels running on the grass are going faster than us. When we get out on the main roads we travel at 30 miles an hour . . . in the 45 MPH zone. Heaven forbid we even get close to the speed limit. So we crawl along while all my fellow Floridians whip around us muttering about the "Snow Bird" with the Michigan plates. I want to wave a sign at them saying, "I KNOW how you feel. I"m being held captive!" As we creep along I now have to give a running commentary about which lane we need to be in and just how far ahead it is before we will be turning. What is it about, "You need to be in the LEFT lane", that you don't understand ??? I will suggest getting over to the left while we are still a half mile away from the turn and even though at that particular moment there is NO one in the left lane the man does not move. It isn't until we are 50 feet from the corner that he decides he needs to get over. Naturally when he makes the decision to change lanes there is now a line of twenty cars on our left so we come to an almost complete stop in our lane until he can squeeze over. All this is done with much muttering about these damn Florida drivers who don't give you an inch. If only he could hear what they are saying about us ! I know EXACTLY what they are saying because I have said it a thousand times!
FREAKING SNOW BIRDS !!!!!!!!
As P.S. here I would just like to tell all the snow birds that no matter how much they don't like how we drive down here it IS our town and you are invading OUR space. We are NOT going to change how we drive for 12 months a year just because you are here. We do drive fast on Rt. 95 and the turnpike because if we are on those roads it's because we have someplace to be so get the HELL out of the fast lanes if you insist on doing the speed limit. If I choose to speed that is my choice and I will deal with the speeding ticket should I get one. You are causing a much more dangerous situation by puttering alone at 65 miles an hour in the far left lane. You may think you are making a statement by being mr. "Safe" driver but in fact you are an accident waiting to happen.
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